Shane88L: anhedonia/depression from withdrawing from olanzapine / Zyprexa

[Shane88L]

Feeling far better than I was when I posted last on Jan 4th!

[FireflyFyte]

1 hour ago, Shane88L said:

Feeling far better than I was when I posted last on Jan 4th!

 

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, Shane!

[hayduke]

I was ok when I copped Delta, have had worse flus, but the vaccines sure kick my arse for a week or two.  I am sure they have eased the actual lurgy though when I had it.

There are a lot of reports of covid inducing psychosis, whatever that might mean exactly.  Lots of self care is a good idea.  How about taking advantage of easy daily antivirals like lysine, echinacea heaps of garlic, ginger etc.

[StillChill]

@Shane88L

 

i have read through your whole story, and it is remarkable and inspiring, also remarkably similar to mine and discouraging, because I took Olanzapine the same amount of time as you in a similar fashion, and that was just over a month ago. I wake up every morning feeling such extreme depression that rolls into anxiety, my mind has a million thoughts a minute and none of them are good. Eventually this fades by the “true” morning, because I wake up between 4-5 every morning. 
 

I really hope I begin to heal, and my thoughts and behavior get better. 
 

would like to hear how you’re doing now! 
 

thanks! 

[Shane88L]

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the messages and well wishes! I hope you all are doing well, and staying strong!

 

My wife and I, ever since coming back to Ireland 5 years ago now, have not left Ireland since. We are really both very much introverts and sensitive people (If anybody knows about MBTI Personality Types, I have done MBTI tests 3 times now with always the same result: INFP and my wife is INFJ.) We are not great at large social gathering/events in general and like to keep very much by each other's sides. 

 

So, we recently just arrived home from Spain(a very big decision to travel as we just do not like to) (my sisters wedding ceremony was held there, and many, many people from my childhood showed up) My father and mother (who I do not have a good relationship with and rarely see anymore), my brother also (who I haven't seen for years, and my sister who I also haven't seen for many years.

Well, it was very stressful. My wife and I were doing our best to socialize (and I took a 250mg of Xanax due to the anxiety - This was the first time since my withdrawals of Olanzapine that I have taken such a drug) which helped me to relax somewhat for the night. I didn't drink any alcohol.

I had 3 more 250mg tablets throughout the Spain trip as I was so stressed.

 

We arrived back in Ireland 5 days ago on Sunday, and I stopped all sugar and caffeine before the flight back cold turkey thinking I need to get my health in check. I have been relying on both caffeine and sugar for years now, every day (even though I am sensitive to caffeine.)

This is day 5 of my cold turkey off of sugar and caffeine, and I am feeling very depressed and very anxious with racing thoughts. 

I was wondering if the 4 250mg Xanax I took over the week last week were also contributing to these feelings? Surely not... I feel very much not myself. I think meeting all of those people I didn't see for years and my old family did not help me feel very grounded. I feel like my "rhythm" in my life has become disrupted.

 

Any thoughts would be much welcome!

 

Much love and peace to everyone,

 

Shane.

 

[hayduke]

Took me 18 months to give up caffeine the last time.  I have not seen anyone comfortably CT coffee.

Sugar crash will make your body grumpy.

I wonder if there were people at that gathering you find unusually triggering for whatever reason.

[Shane88L]

2 hours ago, hayduke said:

Took me 18 months to give up caffeine the last time.  I have not seen anyone comfortably CT coffee.

Sugar crash will make your body grumpy.

I wonder if there were people at that gathering you find unusually triggering for whatever reason.

Hi hayduke, thanks for the reply  I am going to stick to this path of no caffeine/no sugar and battle through these feelings. I am hoping for a much more healthy body and mind at the end of the journey! The headaches seem to be getting milder (which I think were caffeine-related) Nasty! There was my father, mother and my siblings. I think that meeting them all together was very stressful overall. My upbringing was not a healthy one, and unfortunately, both of my parents are not willing to talk about anything they did that hurt me. I have learned to avoid such events with them in the future.  I really went to Spain to the ceremony with the knowledge that it would be a challenge, and I talked to my wife and we decided to make a small vacation out of it. I really didn't expect it to be that stressful. 

[hayduke]

On 5/5/2023 at 6:43 AM, Shane88L said:

Hi hayduke, thanks for the reply  I am going to stick to this path of no caffeine/no sugar and battle through these feelings. I am hoping for a much more healthy body and mind at the end of the journey! The headaches seem to be getting milder (which I think were caffeine-related) Nasty! There was my father, mother and my siblings. I think that meeting them all together was very stressful overall. My upbringing was not a healthy one, and unfortunately, both of my parents are not willing to talk about anything they did that hurt me. I have learned to avoid such events with them in the future.  I really went to Spain to the ceremony with the knowledge that it would be a challenge, and I talked to my wife and we decided to make a small vacation out of it. I really didn't expect it to be that stressful. 

I cross tapered with decaf.  Hard slog but got there in the end.  Even started staying awake a few months after

If you have to do those sorts of events, and ultimately always remember you don't - you can send a nice card or something - time limiting your exposure to the proceedings is another good tactic.  If your parents are the brow beating type, remember it is a lot harder for them to argue with your partner's needs.

 

Cheers

Edited May 6, 2023 by hayduke

[Shane88L]

10 hours ago, hayduke said:

I cross tapered with decaf.  Hard slog but got there in the end.  Even started staying awake a few months after

If you have to do those sorts of events, and ultimately always remember you don't - you can send a nice card or something - time limiting your exposure to the proceedings is another good tactic.  If your parents are the brow beating type, remember it is a lot harder for them to argue with your partner's needs.

 

Cheers

Thanks for the reply Hayduke! I am on day 7 now of zero caffeine and no sugar, and man, the morning especially are a challenge! I wake up with negative, racing thoughts, very much anxious and quite depressed! The card idea is actually something I will do from now on. A wonderful idea, thank you! The cross-tapering idea sounds great, but I fear I will just fall back to old bad habits!

 

Shane.

[Najla]

قبل 27 دقيقة، قال شين 88L:

شكرا على الرد هايدوك! أنا في اليوم السابع الآن بدون كافيين ولا سكر، يا رجل، الصباح على وجه الخصوص يمثل تحديا! أستيقظ بأفكار سلبية ومتسابقة، قلقة للغاية ومكتئبة للغاية! فكرة البطاقة هي في الواقع شيء سأفعله من الآن فصاعدا. فكرة رائعة، شكرا لك! تبدو فكرة التفتيت المتقاطع رائعة، لكنني أخشى أن أعود إلى العادات السيئة القديمة!

 

شين.

I think that you need to forgive your parents and yourself. A year ago, I met a psychologist, a cognitive behavioral therapist, who asked me to empty all my feelings in a paper to empty the feelings, and since I am a social worker and through my observation of many people, I found that a person always tends to exaggerate situations, so this exaggeration turns into A belief and the subconscious mind practices what it believes. It may be that your meeting with your family was not that bad, but by virtue of the old situations, the feeling is renewed. Have you tried to forgive them and accept them as they are? A step so that you can see them again in a new way, far from your view of them during your childhood days

[hayduke]

1 hour ago, Najla said:

I think that you need to forgive your parents and yourself. A year ago, I met a psychologist, a cognitive behavioral therapist, who asked me to empty all my feelings in a paper to empty the feelings, and since I am a social worker and through my observation of many people, I found that a person always tends to exaggerate situations, so this exaggeration turns into A belief and the subconscious mind practices what it believes. It may be that your meeting with your family was not that bad, but by virtue of the old situations, the feeling is renewed. Have you tried to forgive them and accept them as they are? A step so that you can see them again in a new way, far from your view of them during your childhood days

 

A lot of people say this and I think if you end up in that place that's fine. There are a new a school of therapists coming through in the last 50 years also who just straight up say some things are realistically unforgivable. It's not my job to attempt to forgive someone who causes such great traumatic harm as what we have seen in my nuclear family.  Surviving it is a full-time job. I would not discourage people from wanting to reach that place, but I don't think I ever reasonably can and I find complete peace in that.

[Shane88L]

4 hours ago, Najla said:

I think that you need to forgive your parents and yourself. A year ago, I met a psychologist, a cognitive behavioral therapist, who asked me to empty all my feelings in a paper to empty the feelings, and since I am a social worker and through my observation of many people, I found that a person always tends to exaggerate situations, so this exaggeration turns into A belief and the subconscious mind practices what it believes. It may be that your meeting with your family was not that bad, but by virtue of the old situations, the feeling is renewed. Have you tried to forgive them and accept them as they are? A step so that you can see them again in a new way, far from your view of them during your childhood days

I appreciate your reply, but this information is not helpful at all.

 

https://www.pete-walker.com/forgiveness.htm

 

[Bombshell]

Glad to see your progress - did the anhedonia eventually go away?

 

Currently going through 0 pleasure, sex drive etc. 1 month after stopping Olanzapine that I was given during alcohol rehab. 20mg 1 month, then tapered fast for 2 and off.

 

Got prescribed Mirtazapine though which may complicate my situation and I will be coming off ASAP but I have strong feelings it’s the Olanzapine that ruined my brain and all ability to feel pleasure.

 

Not “condoning” alcohol or my recent “relapses” drinking but it doesn’t seem to work like it used to, no real pleasure anymore etc. Was an attempt to feel again and it all seems to have made me worse.

 

Thanks.