Nikki: hi, my rundown with ADs

[Nikki]

Nefazodone, derived from phenylpiperazine, ... slightly soluble in water; soluble in chloroform and propylene glycol; administered orally.

 

Should have looked this up first.

[mammaP]

Hi Nikki, I get flummoxed with the numbers too, I'm ok until decimal points come

into it then I'm lost! I'm sure someone will help with the figures.  

 

I just looked up Serzone and 50mg seems to be a very low dose, recommended 

starting dose is 200mg daily.   I hope you can manage to make the liquid and get

the doses right so you can taper slowly.  Dropping from 50 to 40 is a 20% drop and

more than is recommended here normally but I know it can be hard dividing up tablets.

[Altostrata]

Nikki, use your entire 50mg tablet. Crush it and put it in 50mL water. This makes a 1 milligram in 1 mL suspension.

 

If you want to take 40mg, use your syringe and take out 10mL and throw it away, drink the rest. Or measure 40mL with your syringe and take that.

 

See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

[Nikki]

I will go to the Pharmacy today for syringes.  Hopefully the larger ones.  I have a 10mL one from the chihuahua that we never used so I practiced on it just using water.

 

I am at my wit's end here with anxiety, I don't know what happened yesterday while I was sitting here typing, I had this huge sensation that I was going to faint.  It was weird, almost like a brain zap but not painful. (dizzy like). I immediately put my head down on the desk until it passed.

 

I am sorry to rant so much about the anxiety.  It is horrible to live with it day in and day out, particularly in the mornings.  I wake up and as soon as i step into the shower I start to have dry heaving every morning.

 

I called the Psych Nurse.  Called the therapist.  Need appointments for both.  Will need more Imipramine to help taper Serzone and would like to stay on Imipramine indefinitely in the hopes that it helps at least with WD.

 

Will try the liquid tapering method tonight.

 

Going thru this is like the absence of light, joy, peace.  It's a narrow tunnel with me (and a host of others here) trying to get out of the tunnel.  Daily struggle.  Always reading this and that, corresponding, working on techniques to lower anxiety.  And there is depression in the mix.  I don't know if it is depression from drugs or depression from having anxiety.

 

What would I do without you...thank you so much...

[moodyblues78]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHMJ2AaTglk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjVqZy_UzA0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfIIJsA0ws8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQayrHxGDcc

 

Hang in there Nikki.

[Meimeiquest]

Nikki, what a war you are waging! I got 100 10 ml syringes on Amazon quite cheap. For some reason the 10 ml ones lose their markings quickly. Although I don't know how long you will be at this. I stock up as I've probably got close to two years to go....give or take a year .

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi nikki,

 

my heart breaks for you about the anxiety. I really hope you have tried the magnesium. I use mag glycinate tablets and am up to 300 mg a day and it helps so much I can't believe it. Not the 'mental' anxiety so much, that is still going on, but the physical feeling in the gut is what it does for me.

 

I hope your taper goes well. You'll be able to figure it out once you get started.

[EternalOptimist]

I got the 100ml cylinder and 10 ml syringes. Well, the syringes are too short to get down below 70 ml in the cylinder. I've improvised but wished I had the presence of mind to seek longer syringes. Much good luck. Virtual hug.

[Nikki]

Well I did speak to the Pharmacist yesterday and the Serzone is partially water soluble, so making a liquid would actually make dosing less accurate.  I believe him.

 

So it is back to cutting and chipping away at the pills.  I have had to increase the Imipramine and it does help.  With the way I work I need to keep myself somewhat together ~ so ~ being med free at this time in my life is not viable.  I am going to continue to wean Serozne and up the Imipramine which is still at a relatively low dose for that drug.  55mgs. right now.

 

I have lots of trouble publishing my signature which is why it is not here.

 

I did take a Xanax on Friday night and I slept very well and awoke with no anxiety.  For me, benzo's are not an option.  ONce ina blue moon yes, but no more than that.  I get a rebounding depression and dopiness.

 

The psych nurse said she thought I may not have given Serzone enough of a chance.  I had vision changes and she said Imipramine can do that.  I know it is the serzone.  It does nothing for anxiety, I think it exacerbated it.

 

Time will tell.  Thanks for being so supportive...

 

Sorry I can't post to everyone, everyday......I am running on empty these days....need to re-evaluate my workaholism

[Meimeiquest]

Nikki, I think the pharmacist is right...if you dropped the tablet in water, stirred it around, and let it sit for an hour. You have to stir it up before and while you measure it so the un dissolved particles are suspended in the water. That makes it a suspension, not a solution. Many liquid drugs are suspensions, the ones you have to shake prior to administration. I take a partially dissolving drug in water...I'm sure it works because I have withdrawal symptoms as I reduce by 1/60th of the original dose, and then recover after each drop. However, making the change from capsule to liquid was a huge drop. We cheer you on as you do whatever works for you. We wish you peace and rest!

[Altostrata]

It is a suspension. This is covered thoroughly in this topic http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

Many people on this site are using this technique to taper.

[Nikki]

The most important thing on my plate tonight is to color my hair.  I have put if off for a week because I am working like a madwoman.

 

Work is good, money is good, sleep is even better.  A day off would be like Heaven.

 

I am going to stop working on Saturdays...I need one day off.  Business is good.  TJMaxx has me down for Saturday and Sundays.

 

I think I am doing okay with getting off Serzone.  There is a backlash after a drop in dose, but it goes away.  I have slowly increased the Imipramine a tiny bit to offset the taper and to calm the anxiety.

 

Have an appointment with my old therapist next week.....look forward to seeing her. Need to work on some fears I carry around which I've shared here.

 

Will try to check in with everyone on an individual basis AFTER I color my hair

[tezza]

I'm so glad you're doing better these days! Have fun coloring your hair, I gave it up a few years ago. It was just too much trouble to try to keep roots done. I admire women that are my age and maintain good hair.

 

Stay well and happy!

 

HUGS!!!

[Nikki]

Chestnut Brown.....Tezza that's my color.....

[Petunia]

I'm glad you are feeling better now Nikki, its great you are seeing a therapist again, do let us know how that goes.

I'm also happy to hear you are taking some time off to relax, I'm sure that when you get used to it, it will help.  I know that some people like to keep busy, but even with time off you can 'keep busy',  just with different things, self nurturing things.

 

(hugs)

[tezza]

Chestnut Brown.....Tezza that's my color.....

Sounds pretty....when we're happy with our hair we feel much better about things in general. I'm just ...meh....I'm neither happy nor unhappy with mine but I've wished my kids would nominate me for one of those "show" makeovers, lol.

[mammaP]

 

Chestnut Brown.....Tezza that's my color.....

Sounds pretty....when we're happy with our hair we feel much better about things in general. I'm just ...meh....I'm neither happy nor unhappy with mine but I've wished my kids would nominate me for one of those "show" makeovers, lol.

 

You might just find yourself nominated now you've said that Tezza  

 

I dyed my hair yesterday, I wanted away from white so bought ash blonde-ish colour.  It looks like I tie dyed it  . 

Glad you are feeling better Nikki and hope your hair doesn't look tie dyed like mine! 

[Nikki]

Funny....makeovers and tie dye..  I need a make over in the clothing department.  Haven't bought myself anything except work clothes in a long time.

 

UTI was in ER yesterday.....sux.

 

Not doing so good today.  It was a long week, filled with stress.  How stressful is it or am I just in the neuro-emotion reaction - hypersensitive state.

 

I am seeing a counselor on tuesday.  I need some help with my thinking, fears and well, just wht swirls roun in my head.

 

Very down and tired today.  Working at tjmaxx later today.  i am so afraid not to be 'doing' because there is so much to be done.

 

I ad fallen behind on paper work and played catch up this week.  My registration expired and I thought I paid the bill, got pulled over and got a ticket.  Had to take care of that, Lost my new health insurance member ID card yesterday.  Stuff like that.  Keep misplacing my appointment book.  Paper work on desk needs to be sorted....

 

I did this all to myself.  When I talk to other people who work alot they say the same thing happens to them.

When I come home I eat poorly, want to take a shower and just go to bed to get some sleep.

 

Again I am living in the problem and hope to begin living in the solution by seeing a therapist to help me sort my life out.

 

How much do drugs play into this?  I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop

[Nikki]

Not feeling well.  Antibiotics, WD, infection, stress, wearing me down.  Was having those thoughts yesterday of just being able to drop dead and what a pleasure it would be not to have to cope anymore.

 

Good God when does this end and life become pleasurable.......

[Nikki]

Need some help.  Went to see my old therapist yesterday and I burst into tears upon seeing her.  I missed her very much and it was a relief to see her.  She said they were tears of gratitude.

 

I  gave her the "Reader's Digest" tale on what's been going on:

 

Drugs - fears that have become phobic - depressed and anxious (of course) - stressors or that everything is a stressor.

Unable to stop working which is a fear of financial insecurity.  Not getting enough sleep.

 

She said I looked tired. 

 

I know what I have in my life is what I brought into my life.  I can't seem to fight my way thru it/me right now.  I have to get a hold of myself and can't seem to do it.

 

The drug situation has escalated my fears to a tremendous high ~ has this happened to anyone else?

 

We talked about a Post Traumatic Stress issue from the recession and how life careened out of control from it.

 

Everything scares me lately and I live in doom and gloom waiting for the next shoe to drop.

 

I am at 25mgs. Serzone and 60 mgs. Imipramine.  What a mess I go myself into. 

 

Just read the Thread on Anhedonia, Demotivation and Apathy and Depression.  Now I see others have it too.  I think I am having a tremendous bout of depression.

 

What can I do?  Where do I go from here?  My thoughts (which I don't trust) is to get off serzone, stay on Imipramine and just at least get to that point.  The depression is bad.  Please help....need some advise

 

Just had a scary thought of "Oh my God, I feel like I am dying."

[Nikki]

Need some advise or just to talk.....

[moodyblues78]

Hi Nikki

 

I`m sorry you are having a bad wave.

 

I just wanted to give you a tip on those cortisol wake ups at night. 

 

Claire Weekes recommends focusing on any sound that you hear if you wake up in fear. It seems to work. When I wake up full of adrenaline I tell myself that these are just neuroemotions. Then I change my position in bed and focus on some external sound (like my snoring wife) and usually I`m able to fall back sleep again. 

 

Last night I had to do this at least 3 times.

 

I hope things have gotten better in Jupiter since you last wrote.

[Nikki]

MB thank you so much for replying.  For the last few days I have really needed to talk and there were no responses and I have been thinking that I may have turned off alot of people by complaining each day.

 

For some reason the anxiety has settled down and I now have some big time depression and insomnia.  Anxiety is not gone, but the depression has taken over.  For me it is alot worse than anxiety.  I am so afraid I am going to crack, and I can't.

 

I am still on antibiotics and they usually make me feel lousy.  Not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep is adding to it.

 

I am feeling rather desperate, don't know what to do.  I really made a big mess of things and don't know if I am doing the right thing anymore.  I can't seem to talk to my friends.  I am isolating because I don't know how to talk about it or explain it and I don't think anyone has an answer.

 

I cant' spend another year with depression like this, letting life pass me by and just wallowing in this trying to keep myself afloat minute by minute.

 

Thank you coming by, any advise you can offer would be welcome.

[alex]

I am sorry you're feeling so bad Nikki.

I know the feeling.We wonder if we are gonna be able to endure this....but we will!!

I did, If you ask me how, I really don't know.I must be much more stronger than what I thought.

Just keep on walking Nikki, you will be fine, just as many other people had.

 

Hugs, A.

[Petunia]

Hi Nikki,

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, I just didn't know what to write.You have been on a lot of medications with many changes, for a long time and its caught up with your nervous system.  These drugs sometimes help people handle difficult emotions for lengths of time, basically by blocking them out, but eventually it stops working, for most people anyway, then you are just left with side effects, which are often worse than the original difficulty, with the added problem of having to stop taking a drug which your body has become accustomed to taking.

 

I understand that knowing this doesn't help you at all.  But I'm hoping that it will help you to understand that  the answer to your problem is not going to come from taking a different drug, or even in adjusting your current drugs, and that in fact your problem is coming from the drugs.

 

In your PM to me, you still seem to be 'spellbound', thinking that adjusting your drugs, or even changing to yet another one is going to provide that relief you seek.

 

Perhaps switching to a liquid suspension of Serzone may make your withdrawal from that a little smoother, I would say try it.

 

But apart from that I still don't know what else to write.  I'm sorry you are suffering, many of us are, some of us while still tapering off meds and some of us who have been off them for a while.

 

I think that the long term solution solution for you Nikki is going to lay in things like counseling and meditation, by finding non-drug ways to deal with life (difficult emotions).  In the mean time, you still need to come off your current meds.  Keep tapering slowly and safely, holding when symptoms are bad.

 

Yesterday, I was advised of this free offer from Sounds True:

 

"The Jewel of Awakening, a collection of inspired contemplations and reflections from five leading Sounds True authors as they investigate the potential that is always available in this very moment."

 

All you have to do is join their email list and you get access to 5 guided meditations and talks.  Maybe this is something you could listen to when you are feeling bad, link is here:

 

http://www.soundstrue.com/jewelawakening/

 

Hope you feel better soon

Petu.

[Nikki]

the answer to your problem is not going to come from taking a different drug, or even in adjusting your current drugs, and that in fact your problem is coming from the drugs.

 

Petu when I was having alot of anxiety while on Celexa and Imipramine I told my mom and a good friend that it had to be coming from the drugs.  And then when the Serzone or the switch from celexa and Imipramine began I realized how much damage the drugs had caused.

 

I do feel like damaged goods.  When the WD depression gets this bad I become very desperate.  My mind races to try to find a solution.  I am not in a very god space right now.  And the fear.... is of staying here.

 

Alex thank you for your kind words.

 

I was afraid I would not hear from anyone because my posts have been an onslaught of complaining.  I think increasing the imipramine may have been yet another mistake.  It really isn't doing anything.  At this point it is like taking a placebo.  My thoughts were to take it to help with the Serzone WD and then coast on the imipramine before trying to get off of it.

 

Alex I do know that you understand and thank you for stopping by.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

My daughter is in bad shape, please send prayers her way.  Her name is Nicole.  She has an autoimmune disease of her bladder.  It was in remission for a good year and a half.  It's back.  The pain is very, very bad, coupled with infection, bleeding and we think passing kidney stones.  Unable to void.

 

Thank you

[Muddles]

Sending prayers for Nicole!

 

To you too Niki, as I see you have been struggling recently too.

[NewMe]

Nikki

 

Hi there. Your OP is almost identical to mine. 

 

I have a daughter same age as yours and a son a yr younger. Neither whom speak to me now that I m broke and divorced from their father. 

 

I found myself in the throws of perimenopause which really mimics all things that go w depression.

 

I added high potency d3 & omegas to my pre taper build up. D3 helped immensly as I was deficient despite being outside most of my days. 

 

Don't be too hard on yourself - there are so many facets to surviving what we have and thriving - along w peri and or meno - I am uncertain of your age but if your kids are my kids ages - we are probably close in age. 

 

In any event - hang in there and know you are not alone

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

I replied to your PM before coming here and said there what Petu said above only she said it better. All the changes you've made with the meds has caught up with you, to put it short.

 

You've always seemed to stabilize fairly quickly. Nikki, you may reach a point that you can't stabilize as easily, it's very important to stabilize wherever you are able and go much more slowly, just to be on the 'safe' side.

 

(((BIG HUGS)))

 

Oh yea....prayers for you and Nichole

[bubble]

Dear Nikki,

 

prayers for you and Nicole!

 

we don't mind complains here, we are all in similar boats. I also feel like my life has been one long complain and I have become boring to God and people (as a saying in our language goes).

 

I started reading on your thread this time from the day you dyed your hair and was feeling well. You were workin too much at the time and might have experienced a burn out of a sort... 

 

I have to say that I'm a bit surprised that you still seek relief from symptoms in that knee-jerk reaction of changing something about your meds. I know that you know what good sailors know as well: when a storm hits you, it's best to bring your sails down and wait for it to blow away. The more you try to 'fix' the problem' the worse it gets...

 

We are here for you and I'm sorry I wasn't more present before.

 

I also hope that things have changed for the better as I'm writing this

 

bubble

[Nikki]

Bubbles that is so funny....about complaining so much and boring God. I truly feel that way.  Honestly, I don't talk to my friends anymore because I just can't bring myself to tell the same nauseating story of WD once again.

[Karma]

Hi Nikki

 

I just wanted to stop by and thank you for your comments on my thread.  Your comments made me smile .

 

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.  The big thing that I'm doing this year is making sure I STOP and take a break every now and then.  It isn't perfect, but it is helping me to decompress and refresh.

 

Karma hug

 

Karma

[Nikki]

Hi folks....will stop by, chat and check in when I have some more free time.  This one hour ahead thing knocked me for a loop:)

 

Been busy - miss everyone.....Hugs

[Nikki]

Still have UTI.....meds not working.  Waiting for results from another culture tomorrow and will probably have to try something else.  Wearing me down.

 

I feel lousy from antibiotics.

[Nikki]

Feel like I am having  having a walking nervous breakdown.  I am taking 2000mgs. Keflex. for the UTI.  I do not feel well at all.

And I still don't think it is working.

 

I am trying to be aware of my thoughts and using my feelings as a barometer.

 

My thoughts are scattered.  Mostly fear based.  I can't seem to focus for very long.  I see everything as a problem or crisis to overcome each day.

 

Days are something to get thru rather than live and enjoy.  My daughter told me this morning that the e. coli knocked her down along with antibiotics.  She allowed herself to rest and I never do.  Why?  because I am afraid of having anxiety if I am home alone or laying down rather than out and working.

 

I am seeing a therapist again.  But in my heart I know I have been terribly affected by Psych Meds and the choices I/psych nurse made recently.

 

If I take Ibuprofen or tylenol for back pain I feel terrible from that too.

 

Several issues going on - UTI and meds.  Psych meds.  Worry/Fear.  Complete exhaustion.

 

Can some of the moderators and Alto come along and help with the psych med dosage?

 

I am at 50mgs. Serzone (nefazadone) and 50mgs. Imipramine.

 

My thoughts are to get off Imipramine first because there is not benefit whatsoever from it.  It causes urinary retention and I think it can be very much related to UTI's.  I cannot empty my bladder fully.

 

Hugs