Nikki: hi, my rundown with ADs

[Altostrata]

Correct, Nikki, morning anxiety is because of sensitization to light from antidepressant withdrawal.

[Nikki]

I have not yet started the Celexa reduction. I am at 40mgs. Celexa and 10 mgs. Imipramine.

 

I am supposed to start the reduction after 2 weeks of staying on 10 mgs. Imipramine to build it up. It has helped. Anxiety is greatly reduced but still there upon waking.

 

I am worried about the reduction. Like to get down to 30 mgs. Celexa. Would really love to be at 20mgs.

 

Oh God why does it have to be so hard to taper

 

Aside from chemical issue regarding anxiety ~ I am afraid alot of the time. Just not where I'd like to be in life right now. Working towards goals, but not 'there'. In other words, I am not working in a full time capacity with my business. It eats away at me.

 

Thank you for this site Alto

[Nikki]

Okay it's approaching the time to drop the Celexa. I get cold feet over this.

 

Just need to do it. The Imipramine is doing it's job. 10mgs.

 

Fingers crossed

[Altostrata]

You could slide off the Celexa gradually, 5mg or 10mg at a time. This may relieve anxiety over making the change.

[Nikki]

From your lips to God's ears as the saying goes "slinding" off the Celexa would be wonderful.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

Yes I am at it again

 

Went from 40mgs. Celexa to 35mgs. For two week prior to the drop I have been taking 10mgs. Imiprmaine.

 

For those who don't know me...The 40mgs. Celexa was too high a dose. "I" elected to raise it to that amount.

 

A year ago in August 2011 I was on Imipramine only.

 

I was having bouts of depression with lots of crying spells. Life was too challenging, and had been since 2009. I guess I just hit a bottom. I have compassion for myself in looking back. We have a tendency to beat ourselves up.

 

So, last August the Psych Nurse suggested adding a small amount of Celexa and small amount of Imipramine. I weaned off of the Imipramine and upped the Celexa to 30mgs.

 

To be honest ~ the best I have felt in a very long time was while I was on both Imipramine/Celexa each at a small dose. BUT I had a shame issue over being on meds coupled with insurance companies holding it against us.

 

So it's back to trying a small dose of each once again.

 

Imipramine WD was not too bad. Nothing like SSRI's. And having taken Imipramine for two week prior to this drop seems to be okay.

 

It's only been two days, and honestly I am afraid of bottoming out in two weeks. I have had reactions like that before.

 

Right now it' 35mgs. Celexa ~ and ~ 20mgs. Imipramine. The first night I felt like I took LSD. My dreams had iridescent colors and the inside of my head felt like it was rattling.

Woke with some anxiety, but not bad.

 

Last night there was none of that. Went to Mindful Meditation Class and was on the verge of falling asleep. Came home went to bed and had insomnia for quite awhile.

 

My prayer..."God please let this go smoothly for me and the members here."

[Skyler]

My prayer..."God please let this go smoothly for me and the members here."

 

Nikki, I hope your prayer is answered. Big hug to ya.

[peggy]

 

My prayer..."God please let this go smoothly for me and the members here."

 

Nikki, I hope your prayer is answered. Big hug to ya.

 

ditto from me!

[Nikki]

Well the good news is I am okay. Had a very nice day. No anxiety, no depression, no WD symptoms at all.

 

Surprised? I am

 

And now my daughter is home.....here we go again

[Altostrata]

Hi, Nikki, I moved your update here, to your Intro and Updates topic.

 

Good to hear sliding off the Celexa seems to be working.

[Kian]

Nikki

 

I just read your intro and it broke my heart. M pdoc gave me celexa and I am thankful I did not take it, but still suffering from long term benzos and short term remeron. Just wondering if you ever had any experience with Remeron. I hope your journey ends in success. Just saying Hi...take care...

 

Kian

[Nikki]

Hi Kian and thank you.

 

I have not taken Remeron or Klonopin. There are quite a few posts from people who have taken both. None of this stuff is easy to get off of. The only class of meds I really didn't have much WD from are the Tricyclics. There is WD, but not like these other meds.

 

Update....

 

I have been on 35 mgs. Celexa and 20mgs. Imipramine for 3 days and I feel fine. No one is more surprised than me. Tonight will be the fourth night @ this dose.

 

I am not dopey or lethargic. I do not have anxiety or depression. Not manic either. I have been busy physically and that helps me so much at all times, not just when changing meds.

 

I hope it stays this way......Holler Holler Holler

 

The next step is to drop another 5mgs. ~ up the Imipramine. When? Not for a good amount of time. I don't want to get sucker-punched as I have in the past. You know, false sense of security.

 

The Psych Nurse I see told me back in 2007 that Imipramine can be used to Bridge. I think I read that Dr. Healy has suggested this.

 

Fingers crossed Big Time

[Karma]

Nikki

 

Fingers crossed. I'm so happy for you that you are feeling no anxiety, no depression, not dopey or lethargic ... I think that is a major improvement for you. I hope it stays this way for you all the way down.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[Nikki]

Karma :D

 

Back at ya

 

It is Sunday Morning and I do get anxiety on Sunday's laced with a bit of melancholy.

Why? Because it's Sunday. However it's not bad at all. I was afraid it would be.

 

I think about all that bothers me and try to journal thru it. Journaling gets to the root of things (the truth), but it doesn't change situations, that part is up to me.

 

Change your thinking and change your world.....Norman Vincent Peale I have to be careful about not engaging in Denial.

[xDebbiejo]

Hi Nikki

 

So happy things are going well for you, you so deserve it:)

 

When you mentioned about being depressed on Sundays, I remember I used to hate Sundays and felt depressed too!

Strange - I always used to make sure I'd be going to work on Sundays.

 

My sister doesn't like Sundays or Sunday roast, she says our mum and dad always used to argue on Sunday mornings.

 

Anyway enough of that.

 

Do hope you come through this with least WD, if any.

 

Hugs

 

Debbie x

[Barbarannamated]

Sundays are packed with memories and emotions for many of us, it seems. I used to dislike Sundays because it was the end of the weekend and start of another workweek, even though I enjoyed my jobs. Now, I hate weekends because it feels like (ie. I assume) everyone else is out playing and partying and being unlonely.

 

I think Nadia mentioned Sundays being a difficult day even as a kid.

 

Love you, Nikki.

[Nikki]

Sunday was Church and Nuns. They were cruel. It was the end of the weekend and back to School which was like jail.

 

It is amazing how these things become imprinted.

 

Mammo and U/S this morning.

 

Following a cyst far back in right breast. I am scared. I used to be able to give myself tough love and get thru this. It's different now. I am single. When I was married I knew I wouldn't be alone, my daughter would be taken care of and I didn't work back then.

 

Now I am responsible for me and my income.

 

Keep fingers crossed......Every woman's nightmare I suppose.

 

Good news I am okay with the med situation.

 

Hugs

[Barbarannamated]

We're with you, Nikki.

Hugs.

[Skyler]

I'll be thinking of you today, and watching for your post when you are back online.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

The Beauty of Support Groups

 

Grateful to be a member here.

 

Hugs

 

PS:

 

Checked the calendar and it's been 7 days since I dropped Celexa by 5mgs. I am really okay. I still have life's and my own stuff going on, but I am not a wreck with WD.

 

Will not invite TROUBLE @ this point, by dropping again. I remember members on other sites and me included (at times) that symptoms can crop-up (2) weeks after dropping

[Skyler]

The Beauty of Support Groups

 

Grateful to be a member here.

 

Hugs

 

PS:

 

Checked the calendar and it's been 7 days since I dropped Celexa by 5mgs. I am really okay. I still have life's and my own stuff going on, but I am not a wreck with WD.

 

Will not invite TROUBLE @ this point, by dropping again. I remember members on other sites and me included (at times) that symptoms can crop-up (2) weeks after dropping

 

Nikki.. stay with the 5 mg Celexa for a month, not two weeks. You have neurosensitization already, and it would be a shame to needlessly trigger off more difficulties on a Celexa taper.

 

 

Glad you are feeling better and doing with with the 5 mg. reduction.

[areyouthere]

The Beauty of Support Groups

 

Grateful to be a member here.

 

Hugs

 

PS:

 

Checked the calendar and it's been 7 days since I dropped Celexa by 5mgs. I am really okay. I still have life's and my own stuff going on, but I am not a wreck with WD.

 

Will not invite TROUBLE @ this point, by dropping again. I remember members on other sites and me included (at times) that symptoms can crop-up (2) weeks after dropping

 

Good for you, Nikki. This site is a blessing isn't it? We are all learning from each other. I'm a newbie, and older and longer ssri / benzo taker, I'm learning lots, pulling for everyone on here and you can bet that I will be posting here to help others.

 

It looks like every story is different , but that isn't so surprising is it? We all create & stumble through our life stories with our own hands. We all have to find our way out of this nightmare in our own way too. But. We sure can help one another..... thanks for your posts!

[Nikki]

Thanks folks...

 

Cyst in right breast is gone. Two cysts in left breast shrunk.

 

I am a happy camper

[Karma]

Great news, Nikki.

 

 

Karma

[Nikki]

More BS about Me

 

Psych Nurse called to see how I was doing, which was nice

 

Told her I was okay. She said the next time I drop, prior to droppingCelexa, bump up the Imipramine to 25-30mgs for a week or so ~ and then drop Celexa 5mgs.

 

Then stay there and coast till whenever.

 

This method and the Imipramine may be a better way than using the old Prozac switch/bridge.

So far, knock on wood, this has been easy. I can't take Prozac it exacerbated anxiety like you wouldn't believe.

 

Having some trouble falling asleep, but that might be situational.

 

Hugs All

[Barbarannamated]

Great news about the cysts, Nikki!

[Skyler]

Thanks folks...

 

Cyst in right breast is gone. Two cysts in left breast shrunk.

 

I am a happy camper

 

Good to hear.. awrighttt

[jfrank17]

Nikki,

 

I hadn't checked in awhile but so great to see your good news. Hugs to you.

[Nikki]

Hey guys...

 

Bit of an update. I have been having morning anxiety over losing some money, and business being slow. Florida is a seasonal state.

 

However, the anxiety is quite manageable, not strong, and I can get rid of it easily by embracing it.

 

The facilitator of the Mindful Meditation Class I go to counsels us to embrace pain, physical or emotional, anxiety and anything else that is uncomfortable. It's easier that running.

 

My BFF told me that next year at this time think of the place I will be in. Successful, comfortable financially and with myself and in my own skin. I believe she is right. It's getting there that bugs me

 

I am on Step 8 which is where we "make amends." So I have my list. I am on my list, my mother and daughter are too, and a few others. I guess it is a cleansing process. Working the Steps has been an emotional experience, but one I have greatly benefited from. In a word: Healing

 

My former spouse is NOT on the list LOL

 

Hugs Guys

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki,

 

You touch on a subject ive been playing with:

 

Living in the moment vs. Future or past

 

For very long i tried to live in the moment and not worry about the future. I worried, but rarely had good anticipation. Now I'm stuck in the moment and cant envision or anticipate the future, but I also dont worry about it.

 

That "forward thinking"/planning loop is broken. I will try to envision the future like you are doing.

 

Thanks, Nikki.

 

Hugs!

[Nadia]

I really am trying to do the embracing thing, too. I've realized that a lot of time I ward of anxiety, particularly in the AM as I am waking up, by shutting it out. But I can only succeed with that temporarily. So then I try to embrace... without holding onto. It's a tough balance! But when I succeed the result is it defuses the feeling.

 

I wish we were taught these strategies from when we were kids.

[Nikki]

Barb, try reading or watching The Secret. It can help. There are two stories there of people who were faced with illness and one with an injury. Very inspiring.

 

Nadia, the good news is we can teach our kids. We weren't really validated as kids.

 

In the AM I can get mad at anxiety and that strategy works well too. The other is embracing it. I talk to myself in a compassionate way. Like I would to my daughter or dear friend.

 

Hey whatever works, and what works one day may not work the next. Thank goodness there are a few avenues.

 

Hugs

[Barbarannamated]

Nadia, the good news is we can teach our kids. We weren't really validated as kids.

 

Ive held off on commenting on this, but was reminded when talking to a young friend about problems with her mother who is closer to my age.

 

The parent - child relationship is discussed at length in the book "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller. Miller is primarily addressing the therapist - client relationship and issues the therapist brings to the relationship. I found it interesting how that also plays out in the mother -daughter relationship and what happens to the *stuff* that those of us carry through life and do not have children to get a "do-over" of sorts (or pass on negative patterns in some cases).

 

I DO realize I'm paraphrasing and probably misinterpreting! I just wanted to mention that this idea interests me as I have no "circle of life". My genepool ends with me and my sister. Thank you, Darwin.

 

Sorry to hijack, Nikki!

[Nikki]

Hi folks...

 

I made the second reduction a few days ago. Not bad at all. Of course, there was insomnia.

And my appetite or cravings for sugar was elevated.

 

So now I am at 30mgs. Celexa ~ 30mgs. Imipramine.

 

I dropped the Celexa from 40mgs. to 35mgs. to 30mgs. while increasing the Imipramine.

 

Before a reduction I raised the Imipramine for a week or two, then dropped the Celexa.

 

This is working and I am not experiencing WD. Totally amazed.

 

My goal is to get down to 20mgs. of less of Celexa which worked well for me for depression, and to stay on Imipramine for the anxiety.

 

Who knows....maybe I can get off Celexa altogether someday...for now this is what I am doing, and it's working. Thank Goodness

[Karma]

So glad to hear that you are having success after the difficulties you had previously. You deserve to have some smooth sailing.

 

Keep us posted, Nikki

 

Karma

[Nikki]

Hi Karma and thank you

 

Everyone on this site and those who have not yet found it deservepeace of mind and good health.

 

What I am finding is that there really isn't a 'perfect time' to reduce. Things happen and life crops up. Sometimes it's like getting blind-sided.

 

I woke up this morning with an emotional hangover over my Mom. God love her, she is a terrific lady, however she was the dysfunctional one in my family of origin. And at 88 she still is. I spent a life time wishing things were different.

 

Sadly she creates drama. I get sucked in and feel tremendous guilt if I address it.

 

She decided she doesn't want to wear the medical alert necklace and told us she just wants to die in her home. AND...she wants me to call her every morning and my brother in NJ to call every night. We tried to explain that the alert is helpful if she should fall. She got mad.

 

Over this weekend she woke me every morning to tell me she was 'checking in to let me know she is alive.' For someone who has morning anxiety this is the absolute worst way to be woken up.

 

I call my mother every morning. Sometimes we speak 3 times a day. I reasoned this out with close friends and decided I needed to address this drama episode and explain that the morning 'alive' phone call is distressing. I will call her as I always do. She got mad.

 

I can't force her to wear the medical alert necklace, and told her that in addition to adding that whatever happens I will just have to cope with it.

 

This morning after anxiety from guilt and sadness at knowing her time here is limited, I called her like I always do, conversed and told her I did not mean to hurt her, but the morning calls were just too distressing.

 

So today I am feeling uncomfortable and sad.

 

I should have not decreased the Celexa a few days ago, but then again, I am not clairvoyant either. I may go back up to 35mgs. again and hang there.

 

I don't know how to explain this.....I love my mother and the though of her passing is gut wrenching. On the other hand she is a drama queen and her thinking is often distorted. She does not have Alzheimers. Guilt and sadness sux.

 

Hugs