Nikki: hi, my rundown with ADs

[Barbarannamated]

Oh Nikki.. That's quite a bit going on with your mom on top of drug anxiety. It sounds like she's struggling with her own mortality and sucking you into her rollercoaster of emotions on top of ones you naturally have as her daughter. What is the reason she gives for her early morning call in light of knowing that you will be checking in when you wake up?

 

I realize you probably dont feel comfortable turning your phone off in case someone does need to reach you. Does she wake your brother also?

 

Definitely alot going on "behind the scenes" there. Is this a long standing pattern (phone calls)? I'm so sorry. I wish I had some insight, but the best I can offer is to take care of YOU.

 

Hugs!

[areyouthere]

I have to concur Nikki. Taking care of you is so important . I DO understand the Mom thing. My Mom is 80 and it has entered my mind that this revelation that I have to taper these drugs while at the same time possibly have to deal with my Mom's troubles ( she needs knee surgery and I think will be staying with us next Spring) just couldn't be worse timing.

 

I know you'll find your way. What are your next steps?

[Nikki]

Thanks girls...

 

My Mother has created drama our entire lives. It happens often. She likes to fight, and create havoc. She is always arguing with neighbors and claims (for as far back as I can remember that people are giving her cranks calls).

 

The reason for not wanting Medical Alert was to create drama by dumping this on me, my brother and cousin. She then becomes the center of attention (negative attention). She is a very controlling person and manipulative. God forgive me. But it is true.

 

The last several years of being around her continuously has brought me back many times to the drama my brother and I experienced as kids. It's like reliving it all over again. Periodically I have meltdowns and call my brother and unburden the yucky feelings, thoughts and memories. He understands and will ultimately call her and tell her to stop the BS. It lasts for awhile and then she finds some other episode to act out.

 

Thank God I got her to stop calling me every morning to tell me she is alive and okay. As I said her thinking is rather distorted. Always was.

 

As I said, maybe I should not have decreased the dose, but I didn't know she was going to set up another drama episode. It does seem to happen within a 6-8 week time frame. So I guess in 6-8 weeks it will be time for another whammy.

 

I try t remember to remain calm, and not argue with her. She is old and I don't want to be cross with an old lady. No one does I'm sure.

 

Tell me I am not the only person on this site that has family of origin issues...Please

 

Going to a guided meditation class this evening

[areyouthere]

 

 

Tell me I am not the only person on this site that has family of origin issues...Please

:lol:

Well let me help you right here!!!! Let's see, Dad messed around with a Turkish woman, knocked her up, was absent emotionally since I was about 12 ( he wore EAR PLUGS AT THE SUPPER TABLE!!!!) , divorced my mother who then was a living basket case. I was in my teens. My sisters and I through all of this separated at young ages to make our own way through life. Older one a recovering alcoholic/ addict. Younger one agoraphobic but coming out of it. The "bastard child" did not KNOW who his real father was ( was my Dad) until he was told at 15 years old.... I didn't find out until our first child was born. When I was just getting to know him he committed suicide by diving out of a 4 story building. Mom is doing fine now although she had to put her second husband in an Alzheimer's unit a year ago ( that is a WICKED and MEAN disease!) And ME ??? well by Golly here I am on this forum as dopey as a dope trying to find my way out of a freakin' paper sack ( my brain). So Nikki, get a grip. There is no such thing as a normal families of origin.... some of us just have really, really interesting ones!!

 

 

Going to a guided meditation class this evening

 

Soooooooooooo jealous!! Wish I could go with you and I think this is just an AWSOME example of taking care of oneself!!! Thanks for being a good example for the rest of us!!!!! Kudos NIKKI!!!!

[Barbarannamated]

WAIT!! Im still on the floor laughing about you asking if anyone else has family of origin issues!!!!! Although I think areyouthere may have me beat.

 

I know there is no such thing as a "normal family" but I have suspected that it's the relatively *normal* one of the family who ends up in psychiatry's hands. I'm constantly amazed that my drug addict sister escaped with only Paxil and Klonopin. She's been too strung out most of her life to think anything was amiss. I used to think she was the worse off, but now believe her self-medicating with only 1 drug for many years was far less toxic than my professional polydrugging.

[Nikki]

WAIT!! Im still on the floor laughing about you asking if anyone else has family of origin issues!!!!! Although I think areyouthere may have me beat.

 

The two of you have me in stitches. LMAO over here

 

ruthere: you had it bad. I am sorry so many women, your Mom included were subjected to this.

 

Barb is right, the more normal ones end up on meds!

 

Guided Meditation is wonderful. This one used a Brian Weiss disc. So good.

 

I do Mindful Meditation on Thursday evenings which is very different from TM.

 

We should all go every night of the week

 

Thanks ladies

[Nikki]

Hi Guys.....

 

Okay I am on 30mgs. Celexa and 30 mgs. Imipramine. I would like to use you are my Therapist, please

 

Was and still am having insomnia. I worked hard yesterday on house projects which I enjoyed and thought it would help put me to sleep.

 

When I read about people and their meds I get scared. I have done the rollercoaster, (still am) with meds.

 

I am trying to turn my life around. I made a commitment to succeed with my own business. I know I have what it takes. I am in the building process. I just recently got blind sided with a loss of a piece of monthly income.

 

So I wake up scared. I have been waking up scared since I lost my job and a huge portion of alimony in the latter part of 2009. I did have a few corporate jobs. They were horrible.

The last job was last year at this time. I worked in Nordstrom's. The worst employer in the USA. The pressure to sell $175 worth of merchandise per hour was really, really bad.

 

I wanted t work part time and build my business as well. They wanted me full time. I left in September (got fired). I was only selling $149/per hour.

 

Since then, I have just worked on my own. Initially I had tremendous self doubt and fear.

The self doubt is gone, but I have financial fear.

 

Here's the rub: I have anxiety/fear from not being where I want to be financially. I

never had money issues. I do now. It scares the daylights out of me.

 

I have been trying to cope with the anxiety and depression with the help of AD's. Maybe I am expecting too much from them. I love when I wake without morning anxiety, and not have that uncontrollable crying that crops up.

 

When I ask friends for an honest critique, they tell me to keep moving forward with what I am doing.

 

Jockeying around with AD's in the last year brought on it's own issues. In hind sight I wish I would have stayed on the Imipramine and introduced a small amount of Celexa which is what I did last year. I am trying to replicate that now.

 

I guess I am expecting a medication to remove all fear, anxiety and worry over where I am at and what I am doing.

 

Advise welcome

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki,

 

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with anxiety.

 

Is it constant throughout the day or does it ease up later in the day? If it is worse in the morning, I suspect you are still experiencing cortisol effects from the changes over the last year. These drugs don't always effect us the same way.

 

How are things with your mom? Is that anxiety trigger still there?

 

I'm sure others will have better input, but my first thought with the insomnia and anxiety is that you're experiencing drug effects that may take awhile to settle.

 

Do you think you did too much physically yesterday? I've been surprised a few times recently that I did get more activity (still very little) and slept worse. I expected the opposite.

 

What are you thinking in terms of possible avenues?

 

Hang in there, Nikki.

[Nikki]

Hey Barb, thank you for replying.

 

Barb the anxiety is alot better than it ever was. I can move out of it in a quicker manner.

 

Just can't stand my life the way it is. I want to be successful, and believe it's possible, but it is taking longer then I expected.

 

This morning I asked my BFF for a critique. I am reading Jack Canfield's book about attaining success, and he said to ask people for a critique.

 

Both friends told me I have come a long way since initially losing my job, and I have found my niche and to keep moving forward. They felt I didn't market myself more. I asked them not to sugar coat anything.

 

With the meds, they said my mistake was switching things around while trying to rebuild and that no medication could shield any of us from curve balls or life in general. They did say that overall in the course of the last 12 years, this is the best they have seen me. Thre are good days and and bad days.

 

I don't let grass grow under my feet. I am a survivor. Problem is I don' just want to be a survivor.

 

Right now I am going to stay parked at the doses I am at while continuing to move forward.

 

There is struggling with the economy and then there is struggling to fine tune of get off medication.

 

Guys..........I am not where I want to be. I want to be much further ahead. How do I get there. Don't want to survive ~ want to thrive. Want much more financial security.

Want to keep anxiety under manageable levels. I have probably given myself more anxiety with switching meds.

 

Hugs

[Altostrata]

Nikki, I have nothing but admiration for you starting your own business.

 

They say to do this, you must believe in yourself. You can do this. You look at the situation, you figure out what you have to do.

 

It also sounds like you're beating yourself up for not being where you want to be. That's you being the judge of you! Stop comparing where you are to your vision of where you want to be. That will take time. Trust in yourself that you're doing what you need to be doing and you'll get there.

 

It's a good sign you're still getting some sleep even though you're in this state of anxiety. If you manage the anxiety, you'll do even better.

[Nikki]

Alto thank you so much....

 

I was just on another thread that Dalsaan started and I have been belly-aching all morning about being disgusted with my life and not being where I want to be.

 

What I have mistakenly done for the 900th time ~ is to realized that, yes all of what I said is true, but I did drop the dose of Celexa, and yes I am reacting to it.

 

Dalsaan's Thread was about the confusion between dropping and feeling out of sorts (Neuro-Emotions) ~ versus ~ life challenges.

 

I have both.

 

My initial drop was uneventful. Thank God for a change This second one was not.

It was too much, too soon. Which should be my name on my Driver's License: Too Much-Too Soon. Or Ms. Impatient from Jupiter Florida.

 

My goal with the meds is to simmer down a bit.

 

My business goals are to become entirely self-sufficient and enjoy life.

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki,

 

I have tremendous admiration and respect for you and all that you've done to overcome adversity and maintain control in your life, especially thru drug challenges.

 

B

[Nikki]

Feeling better Got to stay put for quite awhile.

 

Yesterday I legalized my business into an LLC. It felt very good. I can now look into a website, car door magnets, etc.

 

I'd like to tell you what I do....

 

Years ago I started a Pet Sitting Service, I was doing well, but my private health insurance which was COBRA for 3 years (divorce settlement) was coming to an end. I was looking at monthly premiums beginning @ $700 - $900/month, if I could get it. I was on an AD and insurance companies discriminated with that, HBP and a host of other conditions.

 

So, I really had no choice but to return to the workforce. I worked at a Country Club for almost 4 years until the economy tanked out and there was a substantial lay off.

 

My Pet Sitting Business Name is "Get The Leash, LLC"

 

When I was pet sitting before the Country Club I had customers who asked me if I knew anyone who cleaned and did property watch. So I decided to add that to the mix.

 

Last year, after finding nothing my lousy jobs at what appeared to be top notch outfits, I decided to go back to working on my own once again. I have health insurance, so I didn't need to rely on a company for benefits.

 

I was working at Nordstroms (the worst employer ever) and requesting Friday's off to fit in 2 clients.

 

A years ago this month I left Nordstroms and have been working on my own since.

 

My cleaning/property watch business is "Celestial Cleaning, LLC".

 

I make more money per hour than I did as a Secretary. I am treated with dignity and respect. My customers trust me and I really like them alot too.

 

This month I am going to work at my Vet's Office one day per week. I asked him if I could come in 1 day a week to observe because I want to expand my knowledge of animals. I told him that in exchange I would clean up the exam rooms.

 

He said that wasn't necessary, but I am going to do that anyway to say thank you.

 

He had offered me a job there as a part time office manager a few years back, but I had a full time job at the Country Club with benefits, so I said no.

 

And that is what I am doing. The self doubt is not much of a problem anymore, I believe I can be quite successful. Need to market myself more.

 

And now you got the whole story

 

Thanks for always having my back covered

[Altostrata]

Nikki, you're so enterprising! It's you who have your back covered. We're here to applaud in admiration. Yay, Nikki!

[Nikki]

Thanks Alto...

 

Right now I am in a funk. Some of it may be med related. Florida is a seasonal state in terms of business. So August and now September are slow. I was collecting unemployment and that came to and end, so I am feeling the pinch.

 

I need to keep moving forward and I just started to look for a part time job. No more than 1 or two days per week.

 

Since 2009 finances have been tight. My absolute biggest goal is to turn that around so that I can not worry or stress out anymore, ever again over money.

 

I can't stand it. It is the main reason behind anxiety/fear. Got to turn this around.

Determined to do it.

 

After the job experiences over the last 3 years, I am a nervous wreck about looking for a part time job.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

Insomnia and the dreams are wearing me down into that Neuro-emotion state of mind.

 

God helps us. I cannot fall asleep. Can't get comfortable, getting stiff from tossing & turning. Been like this since I dropped the Celexa for the second time.

 

It was a 5mg. drop in Celexa and a 10mg. Increase in Imipramine. AND I am feeling the effects.

 

My goal was to get down to 30-20mgs. Celexa and 50mgs. Imipramine.

I am @ 30mgs. Celexa and 30mgs. Imipramine.

For now (famous last words), I must remain at 30mgs. Celexa. When I made the first drop I had crazy dreams, but no other WD effects. I was amazed and pleased

 

Now I have insomnia, the most vivid dreams that don't provide a good sleep.

Bruxism is bad.

 

Anyone else....advise needed

[Altostrata]

I don't know, Nikki. Could be overstimulation from the combination of drugs.

[Nikki]

Alto can you explain that some more? I was just thinking 'drop in dose' as in WD type stuff.

 

Whenever I have decreased a dose over the years, I get slammed with insomnia.

 

I am hoping it will pass as it has in the past

[Altostrata]

Maybe it is withdrawal, since it fits the pattern you know.

[Nikki]

I had a crying meltdown on Friday. It was brewing and I was trying to keep a lid on it. It was - worry & fear. Always is. Most people here worry about meds. I have that too, but on a smaller scale.

 

Losing the remainder of the unemployment - the loss of that added income hit me big time.

 

I did talk to a few friends, cried it out and when I asked my self what was really bothering me

I realized....It's the fear of living like this the rest of my life.

 

Not seeing an end insight.

 

Worrying everyday about becoming financially solvent and how to get there, when is it going o happen.

 

I have been struggling for the last three years, or floundering. I had various jobs. they were awful. That was what led me to stick out on my own. I did once before years back.

 

The questions I have been asking myself are "What is the lesson that I may not have learned so issues keep reappearing? Not saving enough is the answer. Less spending and being more patient.

 

I did not market myself enough is another lesson. So I am actively pursuing that. I believe I have what it takes, honestly I have never had too many times in my life where I believed in myself and I do now.

 

Just a matte of attracting more clients. Many days I wake up thinking okay go back to a secretarial job - 40 hours per week, and something keeps telling me to stick with what I am doing.

 

And then of course the committee that meets inside my head starts obsessing and I get more confused and doubtful.

 

Just call me Ms. Confusion

[Barbarannamated]

Ah, yes...The Committee. I know The Committee. My experience with The Committee is, once they get involved, the true purpose becomes buried, convoluted, and chaos ensues. They must be hushed and that, as you know, is tricky. Perhaps a good, long time out..? Give that committee a recess... do something completely different.

Then, when you return to the subject, listen to the very first voice that speaks, even if it's a whisper.

 

Then fire the committee.

[Nikki]

Oh Barb your the best.....

 

I have a friend who calls it the itty, bitty, shi--y committee Rightfully so.

 

There is a wonderful book "The Language of Letting Go' by Melody Beattie and one of the daily readings is titled "The In-Between". My friend Rosalie (love her) told me to read it again.

 

I hope I am in the in-between, getting from where I am not to where I want to be. Been at this for three years now.

 

Barb in my heart I want to pursue my business. I believe I have what it takes. Then I get scared when things are slow, and say to myself, why don't you just go back to being a secretary. The truth is I like being on my own. And I believe I can make alot more money.

 

Some people say listen to the quiet voice inside, not the panic stricken on.

 

I know you have missed working. Do you think that once you get passed this setback, you may be able to do something on your own with horses? That's how I see you.

 

Lots of Hugs

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

I'm so sorry for the struggles you are having. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and praying things get better for you soon.

 

I understand about the dreams, I'm going through that too. They wake me up, or so it seems, all through the night and early in the morning.

 

Thank you for all the times you've been there for me.

 

Love and hugs,

 

Tezza

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki,

 

Your entrepreneurial streak is so strong and well-developed, it's hard to imagine you NOT following it. I truly admire that gift. It seems to come naturally to you and a few other friends, but i don't have it (or haven't found it). I have a friend, Dalynn, who feels inferior because she didn't go to college. However, she has started several businesses over the years and has amassed knowledge and experience that college doesn't teach. She reminds me of you. She's been very successful selling one of the premium dog foods to private clientele (Hundenflokken? ) and is my GoTo person on anything dog.

 

You've mentioned secretarial work several times. Is there any work you might do part time that would utilize your knowledge and love of dogs/animals and your secretarial/business experience? I'm thinking that any networking you do would benefit your own businesses until you feel confident relying on them 100%.

EX: vet offices, pet stores, pet products sales to stores or veterianarians, pet sitting at hotels that take pets (often very high end hotels)... Just thinking out loud.

 

When I think of starting a business, even very basic, I get overwhelmed very quickly. I do best with structure, corporate environments. Unfortunately, my tendency to think (and speak) against the corporate dogma has presented a few challenges. . I don't know what the future might hold. I'm trying to stay open to ideas.

 

Just curious.... is your mom on The Committee?

[Nikki]

Tezza you are a sweetheart, always there for us on this site. I don't know anything about risperdal and had no idea it would be hard to get off of.

 

Barb, I asked my Vet if I could come to his office one day per week to observe to expand my knowledge of pets for my customers. He said yes. I told him that in exchange for observing I would clean the exam rooms after each patient.

 

I am waiting to hear from them this week. A few years back he offered me a part time office manager job - but the job did not offer benefits, and I had benefits + a full time secretarial position at the Country Club near his office.

 

Who knows,maybe I'll get lucky and he will train and hire me as a pt Vet Tech.

 

I think Spectio is a Vet. This past winter was my first year at this business venture and I kept getting calls for cleaning, pet sitting and some property watch. Felt good and I thought it was a good sign.

 

Need steady customers. Can't believe at my age I have to begin again. Maybe many other Americans have to rebuild again.

 

This is where 99% of my anxiety comes from.

 

Thanks guys....

[Altostrata]

Nikki, they say starting your own business involves making a lot of mistakes and learning from them.

 

A friend of mine learned Quickbooks really well and works as a part-time bookkeeper, supporting her family. My neighbor learned it so well she became a Quickbooks trainer!

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

It takes a very special person to be a vet and I believe you will be one.

 

I've been busting at the seams to share something, I hope you don't mind if I do so on your thread.

 

I bought a very beautiful pit bull for my husband when the pup was eight wks old. He is champagne color and has green eyes that are similar to the color of cat eyes.

 

About a month ago, his appetite dropped and he started throwing up occasionally. We tried everything we knew to try to get his weight back up and help him get better. He continued to lose weight and get sicker. Finally my husband took him to our vet's office. A different vet saw him because our vet wasn't in that day. Hoss is ttwo and a half years old and has always loved to play with rocks and has eaten objects he shouldn't eat.

 

My husband tried to tell the vet we suspected he had something lodged but the vet didn't think so. He did other tests and said he thought he'd get better. He got worse. The next week, my husband took him back to "our" vet. He took ex-rays and saw rocks and something else. He gave an enema and the rocks came through but not the other object. He had to do more exrays after letting him drink something white. We had a big bill to pay again.

 

The next day we were told he needed to do exploratory surgery. We couldn't afford the surgery, we already had spent quite a bit up to this point. I prayed for the "right decision" and left it up to my husband to decide. He signed papers to allow our vet to save him and put him in his "rescue mission". I grieved but continued to pray.

 

Everyone in our vet's clinic had fallen in love with Hoss.

 

Friday, our vet called me and told me to come get Hoss, free of charge. Anyone that thinks prayer doesn't work might want to re-think. We don't always get what we'd like and I'm not trying to push anything on anyone but I try to accept the answer I get. we have a "Thank You" card and will insert the money we can spare. The day after surgery some lady donated some money to our vet, 'to help someone'. Our vet chose us.

 

I hope you don't mind me putting this on your thread, Nikki. I think you'll be a wonderful vet!

 

Love,

 

Tezza

[peggy]

Tezza, that made me tear up!

[tezza]

Awwww.....Peggy you're so sweet. I hope it was good tears.

 

Vets are top notch people to me and I'm believing Nikki's dream will happen for her.

 

Hugs and thanks for reading and replying

[Nikki]

OMG....what a story....the best part due to a Good Samaritan is that he is back with you

 

Happy Endings are the best!

[Nikki]

Opened mail earlier, my former spouse is taking me to court again. He does his every year.

He wants to stop alimony again. This is the fourth attempt.

 

Can't explain now, but the stress from this maniac has me thinking about the "I'd be better off dead" scenario.

 

Lost unemployment, now this. Trying to build business and looking for p/t job.

 

He methodically torments my daughter with rage....it never ends with him. Never. Divorce hasn't stopped the harassment. It never ends.

 

Will talk more tomorrow. The papers arrived today. Today is my birthday. He typically sends papers to arrive on my daughter's birthday or mine.

 

Hugs....

[Barbarannamated]

Oh, Nikki..

That sucks! I'm sorry to be negative, but there's just no beating around that bush.

You're such a sweet, giving person and working hard to better yourself. I'm sorry he continues to torment you. Especially on your birthday. Loser.

 

It really pisses me off when people mess with my friends.

 

DAMMIT!

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[Nikki]

Barb How sweet of you to check in on me.....the story is that I received court order and totally had meltdown. I went the courthouse yesterday to find out what the order is for. He was in arrears with alimony back in 2010. He took me to court to see if he could stop paying alimony. My alimony is permanent, so I still get alimony but it was greatly reduced.

 

His arrearages were added to my monthly checks and not he is finished paying the arrearages. So he has to go thru the court to have it returned to it's normal amount and for his company to receive the order to adjust the payroll deduction.

 

So I lost the remainder of my unemployment and now my alimony will drop again. So yeah, I am ready to jump off the Jupiter Lighthouse!

 

I have been out looking for a part time job to supplement the lost income while I continue to pursue building a business.

 

For the last three years since losing my job at the Country Club I have been trying to become stable and totally self sufficient which would provide ME with CONTENTMENT.

 

I am very confused right now. I have the urge to just start looking for a full time job and do my business on a small part time basis. I don't know where I belong and on Tuesday when I got the Court Order I broke down.

 

I have stabilized from the last drop in dose and I have been listening to a Meditation CD(Brian Weiss) and it does help.

So that's okay.

 

I feel like a big loser. A failure. For three years I have been floundering to settle into a financially secure state, and it hasn't happened. I don't trust my own judgement.

 

I am going to copy this and post it on SA.....(This was a reply to Barb on FB)

 

So many Hugs

 

I need to talk, please I would love to hear your suggestions.

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

I pray you never give up hope on your dream. This is just a stumbling block. It will pass. You are so strong, I know you will succeed, that's why I posted the story about Hoss. I kept hoping and praying. We had signed papers to let him be adopted. It was after the surgery that the lady donated the money. Sometimes the answer doesn't come before it looks hopeless.

 

I truly feel that things will get better for you. Don't lose hope just yet. "without a vision, the people perish." I'm believing for you, have faith. You are in my prayers!

 

Hugs,

 

Tezza

[Nikki]

Thanks Tezza....where does that quote from from? "without hope, people perish".

 

SOMEDAY....SOMEDAY.....

 

I am going to come onto this site and be okay in all aspects.

 

No issues, no complaints, moving along smoothly, no Oh Poor Me, only what I am aiming for.

Working, making money for comfort, secure, daughter okay, enjoying life rather than dodging bullets or waiting with clenched jaws for the next surprise.

 

This is my intention for everyone on this site.

 

Love you all

[Karma]

I don't remember where I learned this, but the first step in getting what you want is being grateful for what you have ... gratitude changes your vibration. (Hope that isn't too woo, woo for you ... I think it is from Deepak Chopra).

 

I do that by giving thanks every day for specific things in my life, like being grateful for a warm, soft bed at night and a hot shower in the morning ... grateful for abundant fresh, clean water to cleanse and hydrate my body ... being grateful for the animal energy in my life in the forms of my cat and dog because their energy enriches my life. There are many other things I give thanks, for but these are just examples of where you can start.

 

About those voices in your head ... I read part of the book "The Untethered Soul" and one of the exercises was just to observe that voice in my head ... just watch it and let it chatter on ... don't engage it or talk back to it, just let it go ... and I realized (as the author, Michael Singer, points out) that I would NEVER take advice from that "person."

 

Another exercise was to give that voice a body and to spend the day with the "person." I didn't make it a day ... but I did spend several hours with her and I really didn't like her at all . It helped me get a perspective that I didn't have before. Now, I recognize her when she starts talking to me and I can ignore her - if you try to stop her, she will sneak up on you later.

 

Another exercise is to ask what does my head say I should do, and then listen or sense the answer - what does my heart say I should do, and again, listen or sense the answer and then what does my spirit say I should do ... if you can hear it, go with the spirit. When I tried this it was about whether to apply for a different job where I work ... my head said I should stay the course where I am and complete the current project, my heart said pursue the other job because it is in area that I have a passion for ... but I couldn't hear my spirit initially . So I kept doing the exercise daily and finally my spirit said to apply for the job and I did - I earned all the interviews and made the final two candidates - they still haven't made the hiring decision, but that doesn't have anything to do with my decision to go for it.

 

Hope something here is helpful to you, Nikki.

 

Love and light,

Karma