Nikki: hi, my rundown with ADs

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

I saw Deepak Chopra on PBS recently. I was depressed that day and felt somewhat better after listening to him for only a few minutes.

 

One thing that stayed with me was "I am not my thoughts..."

 

I've been trying to decide which one of his books to begin with. The show was about Super Brain.

 

I hope that UTI goes away very soon!

 

Hugs

[xDebbiejo]

Thanks nikki

 

I will look at that masters chap barb, I think he might be like

Eckhart Tolle who wrote the "Power of Now"

 

I think the whole book of his is on YouTube now , I will find the link

 

Debbie x

[xDebbiejo]

Oh yes the complete audio production of the

Power of Now

 

http://youtu.be/6JCgAKCtIzE

 

This may help some people it is especially good to listen to when not being able to sleep

 

Debbie x

[Rhiannon]

Thanks for the Tolle link!

 

Nikki, is your UTI better? Hope so.

[Nikki]

Thanks for the links and names of healers. Like to tap into that very much.

 

UTI gone....hip hip hooray

 

So I upped the Imipramine to lower the Celexa. Imipramine is easy for me to tolerate and I don't every really have adverse reactions.

 

I up it for a week or two and then make a drop in dose from Celexa.

 

I get a twinge when I post this because all of you are looking to become completely med-free.

 

To be honest, I cannot tolerate any more depression, sadness, ill effects, stress or anxiety.

It's been three years from hell, trying to rebuild my life after the economy tanked.

 

For now, I want to lower the Celexa until someday I am free from it. In the meantime the only painless way to do it is to stay on Imipramine. I still have that feeling of "being flawed" for being on AD's - or - having such a hard time getting off of them.

 

I just can't go thru years of WD. Made that scene.

 

Thank you for being here:)

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

So glad the UTI is gone!

 

About that twinge you feel, only you know what you can and can't do. We all need to have some quality of life. I've made it down to .5 mg Xanax per night and am not sure I'll try to get completely off it or the 3/4 of a soma.

 

When I've left those off a couple of times before, I did not sleep at all until the next night when I took them. We all have to do what we feel is right for us. I would love to be totally med free but not sure I can.

 

I can relate to the "flawed" feeling, I'm sure others here can too. We really aren't flawed, other than what has been done to us by the drugs.

 

Thank you for all the times you've been here for me, Nikki.

 

Love and hugs,

T

[tezza]

I just saw your question about tinnitus on Flower's thread. Tinnitus can vary from a ringing, buzzing or even a high pitch sound. At times it has been like a gazillion crickets chirping loudly. It's terrible!

[Nikki]

Hi Tezza

 

Tinnitus must be hellacious. And thank you for being here for me.

 

I was reading posts from new members and it made me look at my drug history.

 

Pamelor was my first med. Tricyclic. It was mild and it helped tremendously with anxiety.

I really did need medication at that time.

 

My life, the traumas, being married to who I was married to, choices I made all caught up with me in addition to having Epstein-Barr and I had the meltdown from hell.

 

Enter Paxil I switched because even though the Pamelor greatly eased the anxiety coupled with a fierce determination to get well and therapy it did not so much touch the depression.

 

Paxil worked very well for me in terms of anxiety/depression. However I gained alot of weight.

 

Enter Lexapro: Paxil was not being delivered to any pharmacy. GSK

was pushing the new and improved time release Paxil which plummeted me into WD due to the change in doses.

 

My BFF said Celeste, you are newly divorced, have a young child, tell the doctor to give you something to get you out of WD. Lexapro was the answer. It did work.

 

Life was good, and I decided to try to get off Lexapro. It was sheer Hell.

 

Enter Imipramine:It helped alot to finish the taper from Lexapro.

 

Enter the Economic downturn:Stayed on Imipramine while coping with the American story of job loss and going thru savings. I was the 99%.

 

Enter Celexa: I did not want to be depressed anymore. Anyone would have been depressed and millions of Americans were. Drug sales soared. It was one of the only commodities that grew.

 

Too much Celexa. My fault. Got off Imipramine and it wasn't bad.

 

Enter Imipramine: SSRI's are not for me. Trying to get off Celexa.

Can't bear WD. Using Imipramine to wean off Celexa. Would rather be on Imipramine than ssri.

 

Someday hopefully taper all meds, but for now I can't torture myself with severe WD.

 

Yes there was divorce, illness, economy and a few other things that would have made anyone feel terribly depressed. Trauma. I pray that I am doing the right things for myself.

 

Hugs

[Karma]

Hi Nikki

 

Happy to hear that the UTI has cleared up.

 

I thought my story might be the Cipro story you were thinking of. Frankly, I might not have found this forum if it hadn't been for that event. It was so destabilizing that I found myself unsure I could function in my work and my life. It took quite awhile after the initial event for me to get stable enough to continue my taper.

 

All this to say that if you find you are having difficulty with your taper just now, you might give yourself a little more hold time from all the antibiotics.

 

 

 

Karma

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki said:

"I get a twinge when I post this because all of you are looking to become completely med-free."

 

Nikki,

 

I had to pipe in to say this is not true of me. I have been completely destabilised since tapering Pristiq and being on and off of Vyvanse. I'm just hoping to stabilize without going on anything additional.

 

It's easy to focus only on what people are tapering and DCing. Try not to pressure yourself.

 

B

[Nikki]

Yeah Barb....

 

I guess each one of us has to focus on our own path. Not make comparisons, but look for similarities.

 

I suppose we all have drug histories at this point in time.

 

When I joined the paxil wd group back in 2007, at that time most people were just on one or two drugs.

 

I think WD was a newly discovered issue and most physicians were unaware of it, so they just keep prescribing more and more meds which finally led to alot of us being in this support group and over medicated.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

Good Morning Counselors

 

I prepared myself for a drop in dose from Celexa by bumping up the Imipramine for a week or so.

 

I felt it. Was sleeping because I was tired and then awoke to the 'my head doesn't feel attached to my skull" feeling in addition to vivid, very detailed, disturbing dreams.

 

I am going to be working (13) days straight (a few days at TJMaxx) but really working my own business, SO I THOUGHT I would do the drop now, while I am so busy I won't have free-brain-time to ruminate or fret or what I am feeling.

 

Now, my brain/mind is not always a safe neighborhood which is why I am posting this before I leave for work.

 

All joking aside, I am scared, and worried. I really can't stand what WD does to me. Anxiety/depression/insomnia/and just the way I think or how my thoughts go which is usually in a spiraling downward sequence at a very rapid pace.

 

Why do I want to get off Celexa? I think I have been at a high dose. I believe it keeps weight on.

 

Will be reading Neuro-emotions daily, along with other comforting posts from many of you.

 

My morning prayers is something like "God please let me go thru this drop without suffering.

Please let me deal with life on life's terms and see things in a more positive manner..."

 

Love to all

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki,

 

"my brain/mind is not always a safe neighborhood"

 

You make me laugh! Thank you.

 

You wrote a great one the other day that i can't find now. Something about the candle eventually blows out..?

 

B

[Nikki]

Are you sure it was me Barb? Could be, I just don't remember saying something about a candle, but then again I just dropped the dose, and generally the wires in my head become unplugged when I drop.

 

I had the usual mild symptoms: space cadet feelings, nausea (I had lots of that when I tapered Lexapro), tired (I was tired before).

 

I was very busy today (physically and mentally) so I didn't think about WD or how I was feeling, busyness allows me to plow thru WD. Doesn't mean I don't have it or had it, I just work thru it. It the only way I can do it.

 

I can't stay home and not have something physically demanding to do. I must get out in the AM.

AM's are when anxiety hits me.

 

Will listen to meditation cd tonight. Hope I pass out. Busy day tomorrow.

 

Hope it doesn't get any worse than this.

 

Hugs To All My Therapists

[Barbarannamated]

I may have the candle part wrong on the quote, but it was you. May have been the day i commented on the Italian in you

 

You are so wise to be going very slow with the taper, Nikki. During the anxiety phase, i got out every day and stayed occupied. Definitely helped with the emotional coping.

[flower]

Good Luck Nikki ,I'm thinking of you. Did you drop the 5mgs? I also feel a need to get out in the morning when I drop a dose. Some times just driving helps. I dread what I know I need to do.

[Nikki]

Hi Ladies...

 

Yes I did drop 5mgs. It's not bad at all. Because ~ of the Imipramine.

 

It is the second day and I am fine. Yesterday I had symptoms, but not bad.

It is affecting my sleep. Have woken up alot earlier than I need to in the AM.

No anxiety in the AM.

 

I really want to get off Celexa. And then someday Imipramine which won't be for a long time.

 

This is so much better than my taper from Lexapro (Paxil was the worst).

 

Between the Imipramine and working alot I am doing fine. Just very tired. Soooooo I am going to take a shower, pj's and then meditation cd's and hopefully dreamland.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

Hi Folks

 

It is Day 3 on a dropped dose of Celexa and I am okay. Had AM anxiety but it was okay because I am working and staying busy.

 

I have started talking to myself in a very compassionate manner to dissect am anxiety when I have it. I point out the reason behind it, talk to myself about a solution and then I say a prayer or some positive affirmation.

 

I see lots of positive, build your confidence, faith type posts on my FB page and it lifts me up.

 

I don't mean to sound self-centered posting about my daily drop of Celexa. I am (for a change) doing okay with and have been since I started dropping while on Imipramine.

 

Remember how so many Doctors would prescribe Prozac to taper another ssri? My psych nurse has much success with using Imipramine and I remember reading somewhere at sometime that Dr. Healy has suggested it.

 

I am not pushing it. This is my own personal experience and I am so grateful I am not suffering from WD.

 

I have it, but it is so miniscule.

 

Let's hope it stays this way

[tezza]

Nikki,

 

I'm very happy for you and your progress. I'm glad the Imipramine is keeping the WDs to a minimum, at least. I sense that you might feel others may judge you for using it, I don't think anyone that has ever suffered WD would do that. If so, shame on them.

 

Thank you for sharing your good news. I'm so glad you're doing ok!

 

Hugs and love,

 

T

[flower]

good for you Nikki...Stay busy. Are you now taking 5 mgs? Have you had any muscle pain or headaches?

[Nikki]

Hi Flower and thank you Tezza...

 

I am at 25mgs. Celexa and 40mgs. Imipramine (very low dose).

 

I will wait a few weeks because WD can creep up (2) weeks after a drop (although I have not had this happen so far) and then get myself down to 20mgs. Celexa.

 

I am trying to keep the Imipramine down to a low dose. The maximum on Imipramine = 200mgs.

So 40 is low.

 

It is absolutely amazing to me that for someone who is so sensitive to WD - that I am actually doing well with this. It is very manageable (thus far)

 

If I log on here one day and I am ready to pull my hair out, please be patient with me

 

These drugs are very tricky

[flower]

Please don't pull your hair out..lol I will watch to see how this goes for you..I'm not sure what's side effects or still WD at this point.

[Nikki]

Flower you are tapering three drugs at one time? Is that correct?

 

I don't know about neurontin, and I do know a little about Trazadone because my daughter took it. She had WD, but it passed after a few weeks, however, it is my understanding that when stopping a sleep aid, insomnia can come on again as a WD side effect.

 

10 mgs. of Celexa is a low dose, look at it that way rather than 'oh no, I have 10mgs. more to go'. Too bad I can't take this advise myself.

 

I am racey and have vivid, technicolor dreams over people, places and things that are disturbing on an emotional level. I can get a bit manic when I drop a dose.

 

And yes I am waking with anxiety, but I think there are reasons for it.

 

Hugs.

[flower]

I'm only tapering Celexa right now trying to get stable..It's been 5 weeks since the last change in dose. My Doc wants me to taper a little Trazadone next. Did your daughter cut up the pill or CT it? It's going to be hard for me..I dropped 25mgs of the traz last time..Maybe if I go slower it won't be so hard..I read that Trazadone WD is more predictable ? I'd appreciate any advice.

[Nikki]

Flower my suggestion for you is to just do one drug at a time. It is way too much on our brains, body, emotions to drop more than one at a time. WD can be a murderous process

 

If it has been (5) weeks since your last drop, wait and wait a good amount of time. Let's say a few months (like 2). See if you can give yourself a much needed respite.

 

One of the biggest issues in WD is that we are always in WD by dropping doses as soon as we feel a little better. And then the cycle starts all over again.

 

There is the process that strawberry follows which is the tiniest amount of med per drop.

 

And then there is me I am dropping by 5mgs. and adding Imipramine prior to a drop. Shocked as I am, it works for me. Yes I do experience WD, but it is not bad and it does seem to pass.

 

And here is something that was very eye-opening for me: Stress. Worry. Pressure. Just life's events. For me it brings on morning anxiety (I think I am the Reigning Queen of AM Anxiety). I have discovered that I react to these events with worry, and that becomes anxiety.

 

Please use us/me on this site to help out in anyway possible. That's what we are here for.

 

I just told Tezza, she means alot to me and so do you. I really mean that

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

I guess it's been close to a week since dropping, and I am okay.

 

Wack-a-Doodle dreams stopped. No insomnia. AM anxiety comes and goes.

 

I really believe (for me) that nightly Meditation CD's are really good.

 

Depaak Chopra was saying that restful sleep comes from having a busy, fulfilling day in addition to going to bed before 10PM. Not to eat two hours before bedtime and hot shower or bath in conjunction with meditation.

 

Waiting to here about which John Cabat Zinn CD's I should get from Amazon from a friend of mine who teaches Mindful Meditation.

 

Procrastination on paper work is not good for me. It is in the back of my mind everyday and stuff like that give me anxiety. Only I can correct it.

 

Hugs

[tezza]

GREAT NEWS!

 

Hugs

[flower]

Good for you ladybug (that's what I call everybody) Have a good day...Everyone.

[areyouthere]

Hi Nikki. It is so good to hear that you are doing well with your last drop. I hope that this new day brings you joy and hope!

 

RU:)

[Nikki]

Thank you for the lovely posts

 

Was doing a few readings this morning on Acceptance which StarliteGirl posts about. (Love when you do), and I made of list of things I am not in acceptance/surrender over.

 

I believe this is another avenue of where anxiety comes from. These drugs do have a powerful hold over us. So does life. Or at least that is my conclusion on myself in the last few years.

 

I have spent years thinking "I should never have anxiety - and - there is something wrong with me because I do." Learning to change that.

 

I do believe in positive affirmations and daily reading of insightful, positive, uplifting messages and of course, faith which is a daily work for me. It does help me. I get more of this on Facebook than anywhere else. The posts from my friends are so uplifting, and knowing the person who shared the post make it even more meaningful.

 

I need daily reminders. I've been a negative thinker and it seems to be my default which I am trying to change.

 

I have anticipatory anxiety. For example, I am already worried about when the 'season' ends here in Florida and alot of my customers go back North for the summer. It will be a cut in income I will greatly miss. Season ends in April-May. The antidote: I guess is being thankful for this season, and prospecting for new full time resident customers, not letting go of my dream/goal.

 

I guess what I've learned recently is that these drugs can greatly effect attitude, thoughts, feelings, our whole lives. But there is life too. And dealing with WD and life can be a full time job.

 

This is the first time I have been okay with WDing from an ssri. It's so hard to believe, that my mind (the committee that meets in between my ears) is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

The committee was even pondering dropping again which is tempting fate Will not be doing that for a good while. I don't want to be on too much Imipramine, because eventually I would like to be med-free and see what that is like.

 

Hugs to all

[Nikki]

I did not have anxiety this morning and I was surprised.

 

My daughter called the police yesterday evening. A former boyfriend has been harassing her for about a year now. She has called the police before.

 

Sadly there isn't much that can be done. Yes, I am worried. My daughter said that she is more angry than worried. He used the phone, internet to bug her. If not her, than her friends to get to her. He is brazen on the phone but not brazen enough to confront.

 

The police don't want her to change her phone number, so that she can save the text messages.

 

Speaking to his parents is useless as they have written him off.

 

Want to be in the reality portion of this and not get major anxiety over it. Anxiety won't help the situation. Want to be here for my daughter. A year is a long time.

 

Thanks

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

I'm so glad you are handling things very well. You sound really good.

 

The situation with your daughter could be stressful but you're doing a great job being there for her, plus being strong.

 

I hope the x boyfriend takes a hike!

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

From your lips to God's Ears Tezza

[tezza]

You got it, Nikki!

[Nikki]

Tezza are you tapering several medications at one time?

 

You sound lovely, smart and I just picture you as a very calm, caring person.

 

How do you maintain that while doing a multi-taper?

 

Hugs

[dalsaan]

Hi Nikki.

 

Can you ask the phone company if they can save the texts somehow? Or write them out on a stat dec and ask police to witness the accuracy of that? The idea that she has to put the evidence ahead of her own wellbeing annoys me to be honest. The police are saying we can't do anything and we don't want you to do anything either!

 

Thinking of you both