Longroadhome: think I may be tapering Seroxat / Paxil too fast

[Arti]

Thanks for your Report @Longroadhome 

I can confirm most of your symthom list. Its good to read to remember that things are Changing 

I wear no fitbit but i remember times i lay in bed and my heard was beating so hard my head was shaking. It was sometimes if it would jump out of the chest. 

It is Not longer so extreme. Sometimes it is beating harder or faster but Not as if it Would jump out.

No matter i have enough other stuff. But is shows that sometimes you dont even notice that something changes only when you remind of it.

 

Im glad that the micro tapper method works for you, october is not far away. You will be free at Christmas. 

Continue to wish you the best !

But the Zero and freedom for eyes will ispire you 

 

Arti 

[Erell]

Thank you for this update @Longroadhome, it is good to hear from you and to know how you're doing.
It looks like you have quite a load of challenges : I'm thinking of you, and I do really believe that this journey has an end. ❤️

 

Some good sleep, and and a taper rhythm that seems to suit you better : I thank you for sharing these good news and will continue to pray, in my atheistic way, for you. 

I know you'll do your best for your body, but don't hesitate to take it easy in this final stretch  ❤️ 

[Longroadhome]

Thank you @Erell and @Arti for your support. You are both important people to me. I’ve never met you but I know that I would like you both in the “real world”. 
You  get a sense of someone from the way they write and I just know you are both infinitely good people.   
 

I’ve been away with the family last week and think it’s thrown me back in the thick of it symptom wise. 
But as usual who really knows. Do I blame the holiday?  Would this have happened anyway? I’m  not going to waste my time worrying about it. It is what it is and I’ll  deal with it. 
Today has been a bit better. Tomorrow may be a bit better still..
Can’t wait to have my real self back. I know I’m in there somewhere..
 

[Carmie]

Hi Longroadhome, 

 

I’m sorry you’re in the thick of symptoms again. How are coping today?

 

Yes, I’m sure we don’t even remember who our real selves are these days with how these meds have hijacked our brains. 

 

Sending big hugs your way🤗

[Longroadhome]

4 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Longroadhome, 

 

I’m sorry you’re in the thick of symptoms again. How are coping today?

 

Yes, I’m sure we don’t even remember who our real selves are these days with how these meds have hijacked our brains. 

 

Sending big hugs your way🤗

Hi Carmie 

Thank you for asking. 
Yesterday I felt I was back to my usual intensity. Under the circumstances I can live with that. 
it was good to be with my family on holiday. Like all of us here, I don’t know how long my WD is going to last and I am determined to try my best to live some kind of a life each day. I think with the plane journey (I’m a nervous flyer) and the “what if” thoughts, it threw me into a bit of a wave. I’m still glad I did it and was able to spent precious time with my two granddaughters. 

How are you? 

 

((((big hugs)))) from me to you 😉
 

 

[Erell]

On 6/10/2022 at 9:39 PM, Longroadhome said:

I’ve been away with the family last week and think it’s thrown me back in the thick of it symptom wise. 
But as usual who really knows. Do I blame the holiday?  Would this have happened anyway? I’m  not going to waste my time worrying about it. It is what it is and I’ll  deal with it. 
Today has been a bit better. Tomorrow may be a bit better still..
Can’t wait to have my real self back. I know I’m in there somewhere..

 

Dear @Longroadhome, 

I'm so glad you were able to spend holidays with your family ! And you took a plane ! What a strong soul you are.
Don't waste your time, cherish the memories ❤️
Like you said, there is no way to determine what is caused by what, all we know is that our nervous systems are doing their best to find a balance and to register feelings and emotions.

 

I have no doubt you're still there, we all are. And we also all are slowly building our "news selves", ones that have survived to an indredible storm and are learning to cherish life.
Thank you for sharing your steps on this journey ☀️

[Longroadhome]

Today has been a better day than yesterday and even better than the day before (but still really bad by a normal

persons standards) The wave seems to be subsiding.

Symptoms are manageable. The waters are back to choppy but no longer a storm. 
 

Erells words, “We’re slowly building our new selves, while surviving an incredible storm”, is true. 
 

I’m not young but there is so much I have yet to accomplish. 
 

WD is just a chapter in my life, with many happy years before it, a ridiculous challenge getting through it, a better person at the end of it. 
 

 

[Carmie]

22 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Hi Carmie 

Thank you for asking. 
Yesterday I felt I was back to my usual intensity. Under the circumstances I can live with that. 
it was good to be with my family on holiday. Like all of us here, I don’t know how long my WD is going to last and I am determined to try my best to live some kind of a life each day. I think with the plane journey (I’m a nervous flyer) and the “what if” thoughts, it threw me into a bit of a wave. I’m still glad I did it and was able to spent precious time with my two granddaughters. 

How are you? 

 

((((big hugs)))) from me to you 😉
 

 

Dearest Longroadhome, 

 

Thank you so much for the big hugs, I do really need them at the moment.

 

I’m so extremely sorry that you have severe withdrawals. I’m sending big hugs right back to you. I just saw in your later post that you’re doing a little better. Yay!!

 

One day at a time does it I guess🧡

[Longroadhome]

[Carmie]

On 6/14/2022 at 4:12 AM, Longroadhome said:

😍😍😍

[Longroadhome]

In case things change, and let’s face it in WD, things can change from hour to hour, id like to report a positive for those that follow behind. 
After returning from a holiday abroad with family, my symptoms intensified considerably for a few days. This slowly eased, and now I’m back to WD normal. 

I’ve been able to take part in a paediatric first aid course, along with 18 other people this week. I was so worried beforehand that I’d fail the multi choice questions, due to the cog fog. not only did I complete, but I was one of the first to finish. This isn’t a boast. I have cog fog pretty bad and really didn’t think I’d be able to scramble through the questions. I also had to complete a six hour online part to this process. 
It comes with the job (I own and work in a childcare setting). 
These courses have always been second nature to me as I’ve been in childcare for many years. But since WD, things like this have been extremely challenging. The practical side of taking part in resuscitation and putting someone in the recovery position, beforehand gave me extreme anxiety. But I did it. 
For those following behind, it’s a reminder that during WD it’s so easy to believe the negative, that we can no longer accomplish something, when in reality this simply isn’t true. 

 

[ChessieCat]

13 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

After returning from a holiday abroad with family, my symptoms intensified considerably for a few days.

 

Other members have reported the same thing happen to them.  Even if you wanted to go on the holiday, and you enjoyed the holiday, it is still a stress on your system.

 

I'm glad you understood what was happening and I think this helped the wave to subside in a reasonable amount of time.

 

15 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

This isn’t a boast.

 

I think many/most of us hear understand where you are coming from when you say this.  It's amazing what we are able to achieve even though we are not operating "normally".

 

Well done.  It's great to hear that you have managed to do all that you have done.

[Carmie]

Hi Longroadhome, 

 

How are you doing? I hope you continue to be in withdrawal normal🧡

[Longroadhome]

4 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Longroadhome, 

 

How are you doing? I hope you continue to be in withdrawal normal🧡

Hi Carmie 

Thank you  for asking. Yes things have calmed down symptom wise and I’m managing ok.
I still work part time. It’s a good distraction and I also have my granddaughters that keep me busy.
How are you coping?  

[Carmie]

2 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Hi Carmie 

Thank you  for asking. Yes things have calmed down symptom wise and I’m managing ok.
I still work part time. It’s a good distraction and I also have my granddaughters that keep me busy.
How are you coping?  

I’m so glad things have calmed down dear Longroadhome, 

 

So good you have some distractions to help you get through each day. I’m still in an autoimmune flare and struggling to breathe, but on the bright side, I’ve been in a window for a week. Not sure how long it will last, but I’m happy I’m in it now.

 

I was happy to hear how well you did in the paediatric first aid course. A gold star for you⭐️ A great accomplishment indeed!
 

I hope you have a lovely day🧡

[Longroadhome]

22 hours ago, Carmie said:

I’m so glad things have calmed down dear Longroadhome, 

 

So good you have some distractions to help you get through each day. I’m still in an autoimmune flare and struggling to breathe, but on the bright side, I’ve been in a window for a week. Not sure how long it will last, but I’m happy I’m in it now.

 

I was happy to hear how well you did in the paediatric first aid course. A gold star for you⭐️ A great accomplishment indeed!
 

I hope you have a lovely day🧡

Carmie you’re a lovely person. Bless you x

[Longroadhome]

On 6/22/2022 at 7:54 AM, Carmie said:

[Longroadhome]

Time for an update now I am at 0.8mg of Paxil. 
In January of this year when I was on just under 2mg of Paxil my family booked a holiday abroad for May. Although I wanted to go my symptoms had intensified and I secretly thought I’d have to pull out. I thought that I would get worse and worse as the months went by, but that didn’t happen and I was able to go. I enjoyed the holiday, as much as one can while dealing with WD. I was in a bit of a wave on return but that has settled. 
Looking back, while decreasing I got hit bad at just under 5mg and a further decline at 2mg. Since then things have very slowly levelled out, and recently I feel I’m in WD normal. Symptoms are bad but nothing new has hit me for a few weeks and I seem to be coping better with the symptoms I do have. It’s such a strange illness, and I don’t trust it to remain stable, It’s so unpredictable. But for now I’m decreasing and not seeing further decline in symptoms and for that I’m grateful. It means I can continue working part time, I can look after my granddaughters when needed and I can socialise here and there. 
I have 4 months to go before I reach 0mg. Not that I’m counting.. 

 

[Ariel]

@Longroadhome

Hello. 

I don't remember whether I've ever posted in your topic before, so I'll introduce myself (at the risk of repeating). Hi. 

 

I so enjoy reading the messages you put up around the site. Maybe that's why I feel like we've interacted before, even though we may not have. 

I've read so many kind words of support from you and been so touched, it's like I was in your company. 

Thank you for all your contributions. They are so helpful to me, and I know I'm not the only one. 

 

Congratulations on being at 0.8g of Paxil! While I do not have direct experience with Paxil or slow tapers, I recognize and respect the patience and tenacity it requires. Good on you for all your hard work, and how impressive that you're able to accomplish this while also maintaining a part-time job. I hope you give yourself lots of credit.

 

I hope things keep moving along steadily for you, with WD normal being a staunch companion on the path. 

I can certainly relate to that feeling of not trusting things to remain stable. The unpredictability is indeed challenging and always taking up space in the back of my mind. 

 

Wishing you the very best of luck, with my appreciation and admiration,

A.

[Longroadhome]

@Ariel that’s so kind of you.
Thank you so much for your message it means so much. 
No I don’t believe we have exchanged messages before,  but now we have it’s nice to “meet” you. 
WD is the hardest journey and I feel it’s important to share positive thoughts with others that are suffering as well as those that follow behind. 

 

Every day is different and an unbearable day can be followed by a more positive one.  
So even the unpredictable can be tolerated.   

Wishing you the very best too.  
LRH

 

[Erell]

19 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

So even the unpredictable can be tolerated.   

This is a very powerful message. Thank you !

I'm glad your wave has settled.

[Longroadhome]

Hi @Erell

Thank you.

I’m sitting with the sunshine coming in through the window today. We’ve had a lovely week of clear blue skies in England.  
 

A good friend told during times of doubt to picture myself as the blue sky and the clouds that roll by as the doubt I may feel.
One is there forever while the other is just passing by. 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Dear Longroadhome,  

 

Thinking of you and hope you’re coping as best you can. I’m trying to find distractions today to get through the day, at the moment I’m listening to music. 
 

Sending much love🧡

[Longroadhome]

On 7/2/2022 at 6:39 AM, Carmie said:

Hi Dear Longroadhome,  

 

Thinking of you and hope you’re coping as best you can. I’m trying to find distractions today to get through the day, at the moment I’m listening to music. 
 

Sending much love🧡

Thank you @Carmie

You’re such a lovely person. 
I’m really hoping very soon your breathing will Improve. 
Its funny I haven't listened to music for such a long time. Before WD I had a fav music channel called Smooth where I would  listen to all the songs from yesteryear that I loved from times when I was happy growing up and beyond. I haven’t been able to listen to that channel for over 3 years because it makes me too sad. Thinking about the person I was before all this. It’s too much to bear. 
I know I’ll be getting better when my love of music returns. 

 
 

[Longroadhome]

1 minute ago, Longroadhome said:

Thank you @Carmie

You’re such a lovely person. 
I’m really hoping very soon your breathing will Improve. 
Its funny I haven't listened to music for such a long time. Before WD I had a fav music channel called Smooth where I would  listen to all the songs from yesteryear that I loved from times when I was happy growing up and beyond. I haven’t been able to listen to that channel for over 3 years because it makes me too sad. Thinking about the person I was before all this. It’s too much to bear. 
I know I’ll be getting better when my love of music returns. 

 
 

Sending ((((hugs)))) your way. Take care 

[Carmie]

12 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Thank you @Carmie

You’re such a lovely person. 
I’m really hoping very soon your breathing will Improve. 
Its funny I haven't listened to music for such a long time. Before WD I had a fav music channel called Smooth where I would  listen to all the songs from yesteryear that I loved from times when I was happy growing up and beyond. I haven’t been able to listen to that channel for over 3 years because it makes me too sad. Thinking about the person I was before all this. It’s too much to bear. 
I know I’ll be getting better when my love of music returns. 

 
 

I hope that your love of music returns Longroadhome,  it’s sad that you can’t enjoy the music that you used to because of how it makes you feel now. 

 

Although I’m a massive fan of music I haven’t been listening to as much myself the last couple of years, not due to WDs but the stress from other health issues. Before Covid started I went to lots of concerts and I was also having friends around for karaoke. Some of them have such beautiful voices, but as for me, I’d be dead if my life depended on my singing😂

 

Sending hugs right back to you🤗🧡

 

[Arti]

12 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Its funny I haven't listened to music for such a long time. Before WD I had a fav music channel called Smooth where I would  listen to all the songs from yesteryear that I loved from times when I was happy growing up and beyond. I haven’t been able to listen to that channel for over 3 years because it makes me too sad. Thinking about the person I was before all this. It’s too much to bear. 
I know I’ll be getting better when my love of music returns. 

 

 

I Love music. But i am not able to listen. I can drive with the car but the radio is off till 2019.

Music triggers as sounds do in general. My brain cannot handle music its like the head would explode or as if there is a knot in the brain. Before this drug accident i went to Rock Festivals and Concerts. But i like different kinds of music. From time to time i try to listen a song on YouTube. 

Sometimes i cannot endure in general. Sometimes i got so Emotional, that i cry and sweat. Crazy.

I hope there is a Chance that the ability to listen to music came back, music gives you so much.

 

Arti

 

[Longroadhome]

I’m confident our love for music will return @Arti. 
its been blunted due to symptoms and the pain of remembering a time of health and happiness that for  now eludes us. 
certain songs can also make me ruminate for hours on things I can’t change. Or things I may have done different.

I love singing and haven’t felt the joy of humming or singing along to a tune for so long.. 
we are definitely heading in the right direction. You being drug free and allowing your body to self heal. And me coming to the end of my taper. 
 

all we have to do to help ourselves is give it time, eat healthy, no caffeine no alcohol and do a little exercise even in small amounts each day. Just a simple walk for fresh air and different scenery will do. And remain steadfast that our body doesn’t need any drug to heal.  

[Longroadhome]

We must endure the unendurable to find peace. 

[Carmie]

On 7/5/2022 at 1:23 PM, Longroadhome said:

We must endure the unendurable to find peace. 

Well said Longroadhome 🧡

[Longroadhome]

Time for an update. 
I am now at 0.6mg Paxil. The micro tapering continues to work for me. I’m not feeling the big  bumps of reduction I was getting with straight drops and even the brass monkey method,  which I’m thankful for.  
This month I’ve had Covid and a sickness bug which I think has intensified my symptoms somewhat. Everything seems amplified at the moment.
Apart from this I continue my days as best I can. I’m working part time and I make sure I organise my time  so that I don’t sit ruminating, as this just exacerbates everything.

I love cooking from scratch and this month in particular I’ve enjoyed following recipes from my Pinch Of Nom books ( highly recommend). It occupies my time and takes my mind off me. And an added bonus is I get complimented on the food! 
 

I’m learning ways to get through the days as I wait to get off all medication and heal. 
 

I do crosswords, I’ve started to read magazines a little here and there, I walk Georgie my lovely dog and I look after my granddaughters every week, which I love to do. 
Even if my day starts out awful there is usually  something I can look back on and think “ i thought I wasn’t going to cope but I did” and yesterday that was taking the granddaughters out for the afternoon. I felt so dizzy and anxious. But during the afternoon I forgot about myself and was in the moment, having fun with them. It’s just a reminder for me that even on the dark days the sun can still shine ☀️. 

[Erell]

Hello dear @Longroadhome, 

I read that August was shaking you up a bit and I wanted to send you my support and my healing vibes.
 

Here is a message from Baylissa: 

 

« I know I say this often, but it is important to remember that the intensity of symptoms is not a predicator of how much longer withdrawal is going to last. Anecdotally, no positive correlation between intensity and duration has been observed. Withdrawal is too complex and the process too non-linear and random.

If your symptoms have been raging and you're feeling discouraged, please take heart in knowing that it is still possible that you could wake up tomorrow or next week, or next month, to find that they have spontaneously disappeared, never to return. I have seen this happen to a significant number of people over the years and it confirms the theory that even in the throes of withdrawal, profound healing is taking place.

 

So, please don't despair. When the timing is right for you, you will begin to notice improvements. The symptoms will ease. They will eventually go. You are healing. 

 

Even if you are still tapering, you are headed for recovery. If you were taken off the drugs quickly in a detox center, or you stopped abruptly, you are headed for recovery. If you were given a cocktail of drugs, even ECT, you are still headed for recovery. If you have been waiting beyond what is regarded as the normal time frame for recovery, you too are headed for recovery. 

 

No matter what your situation is, no matter how much pain you are having to endure, never lose sight of the fact that this is a "healing" process and this means that the expected outcome is your recovery. Just keep going. »

❤️
 

[Ariel]

Hi @Longroadhome

I mistakenly posted this message to you in Arti's thread and only just realized. 

 

On 8/16/2022 at 9:20 PM, Ariel said:

Hi @Longroadhome

Thank you for your kind message posted in Carmie's thread. 

It was sort of like visiting a friend and having them say, Oh by the way, L stopped by earlier and left you a note. 

Very sweet. 

 

 

Thank you for this beautiful image. It resonates with me. 

I love trees. 

 

 

I'm sorry you're having a rough month. 

Amazing how low you're getting, how very far you've come!

I hope the symptoms ease up for you soon, wishing you moments of peace and relief before your next drop. 

Sending healing vibes ❤️

 

Thinking of you with respect, admiration, gratitude <3

A.

[Longroadhome]

Thank you @Erell and @Ariel for your kind messages.  
This month is particularly hard as I come to the end of my taper. Symptoms are intense. 

The best tools in my box right now,  are distraction and a yearning to feel “normal” and “live” life. 

 

[Longroadhome]

Update for this month now I have tapered to 0.4mg, with 6 weeks to go before I hit Zero. 
Firstly, in reference to the last sentence from my last post. Distraction and a yearning to feel a part of life once more, I consider to be a positive tool because it keeps me focused on my goal of getting off the meds. It is important to stay connected to life around me, so every day, regardless of how I feel,  I set a small “ staying in touch” task. Today, for instance I made the effort to take my granddaughter for a walk even though I was in pain with my hip (an MRI has shown a tear in a muscle with tendinitis and bursitis. Courtesy of WD as I never had any of these problems before and since this started I’m plagued with injuries, that keep occurring, for no reason). We collected leaves on the way, the sun was shining and I managed to walk Georgie, my dog. I felt good despite feeling bad, if you get the gist.  A small task but big to me, as besides the pain,  I constantly feel like I’m swaying on a boat and sometimes this is very intense. It has gotten to the stage where I keep my reading glasses on continually, because for some reason they help with my balance. Or maybe it’s just a confidence thing? I alternate between looking through them or peering over them.  I have many symptoms beside these two, from WD. 
Any small task while in this state, such as the one above,  is a distraction, taking my mind away from the suffering and focusing on “the future”, when one day, I will once more, be absorbed in a normal event, on a normal day, in a normal way.  

I’m getting apprehensive about what’s to come after I hit 0mg. Elation of no longer having to take the drug  is mixed with apprehension. Its like being on a ghost train wondering what’s in store ahead.. 

 

Symptoms this month are cycling. The floaty boat will hit intensely only to be overtaken by joint and muscle pain, then tinnitus, then blurred vision etc etc 

As usual some days more manageable than others.
The beginning part of this week was very intense. The last two days less so. 
WD makes planning ahead difficult  as I never know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next. 

But no matter what each day is like, there is always tomorrow. 

 

[Ninabird]

@Longroadhome

You are so close! I know it must be so exciting. You’ve got this and your “0,” I pray, will be glorious!!! 
much respect and love 

Ninabird