Longroadhome: think I may be tapering Seroxat / Paxil too fast

[brassmonkey]

Hi LRH-- I'm very excited that you are so close to making the jump to "0", but I find the description of your current symptoms disturbing making me think your dose is still too high to make the jump. For paxil the Target Exit Dose calculates out to 0.06mgai. When to make the jump is entirely up to the individual, but I would suggest waiting a little longer.

 

If you haven't read it yet, you should take a look at this article: Managing the Endgame Taper - Tapering - Surviving Antidepressants

 

[Longroadhome]

13 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi LRH-- I'm very excited that you are so close to making the jump to "0", but I find the description of your current symptoms disturbing making me think your dose is still too high to make the jump. For paxil the Target Exit Dose calculates out to 0.06mgai. When to make the jump is entirely up to the individual, but I would suggest waiting a little longer.

 

If you haven't read it yet, you should take a look at this article: Managing the Endgame Taper - Tapering - Surviving Antidepressants

 

Hi @brassmonkey

 

Thank you for your post, I appreciate your advice and concern. 
I have read managing the endgametaper. 

I feel my story is the same as others I have read and know of, that’s not really reported on or documented, but does exist. 
This being, from realising I was in poop out to starting and continuing  my taper off Paxil in 2018, I have never been free of symptoms or had any windows. Windows I thought I had were just more manageable times looking back with more knowledge of my situation in WD. My symptoms have always been moderate to severe and have never abated even through long holds.   I feel it’s true to say no matter how long we hold, for some of us stability just doesn’t happen. 
And this is my situation. 
Yes in the early days I made mistakes but so have others like Ten0275, called Dave (off top of my head as example), but while Dave managed successfully to stabilise while tapering down, after an initial bad decision, this hasn’t happened for me. We are all unique during the process of WD. Why can’t it be that while some can taper with few symptoms and others stabilise with holds, that for some of us,  no matter what we do the symptoms remain?

 

The biggest relief for me was to make my mind up to safely taper off rather than keep torturing myself with “shall I taper shall I hold?” scenarios.  
I chose to carry on a steady taper in the firm belief I will start to heal only once off Paxil completely. 
 

While I appreciate your words and do feel apprehensive about completing my taper, I don’t feel I will benefit by decreasing smaller amounts over a longer period,  based on my WD experience over the past 4 years.  
 

I hope your vision has improved and you are starting to plan further exciting adventure trips with your wife!! Do take care. 

 
 

[Longroadhome]

20 hours ago, Ninabird said:

@Longroadhome

You are so close! I know it must be so exciting. You’ve got this and your “0,” I pray, will be glorious!!! 
much respect and love 

Ninabird 

Thank you @Ninabird for your kind words. Take care on your journey through WD. Respect is due for all going through this incredibly hard process.   

[Arti]

thanks @Longroadhome for your Update!

Dont let yourself be unsettled.  Many Paths lead to the goal.

Brassmonkey is right but you are right too. Depending on the case. 

Whatever you do there will be a Life without paroxetine. It is waiting !!!

You have a Plan that is the most important. 

Being free will inspire you and give you the strength for the last Chapter!!!

 

 

[brassmonkey]

If you feel that it is the right course for you, then go for it. I understand your thinking.

 

The vision problems come and go. I have another appointment tomorrow but am not hopeful that they will find anything new. We shall "see".

 

New plans are in the works, we've rebooked our trip to India for next spring and are looking to combine it with Kenya and Uganda. Can't wait to get back in the bush.

[Longroadhome]

7 hours ago, Arti said:

thanks @Longroadhome for your Update!

Dont let yourself be unsettled.  Many Paths lead to the goal.

Brassmonkey is right but you are right too. Depending on the case. 

Whatever you do there will be a Life without paroxetine. It is waiting !!!

You have a Plan that is the most important. 

Being free will inspire you and give you the strength for the last Chapter!!!

 

 

Thank you Arti. Your words mean more than you know. 
 

[wantrelief]

Hi @Longroadhome:  I have been following your journey and wanted to tell you how courageous I think you are.  I am always amazed at how much you continue to accomplish despite how you are feeling.  You are one strong woman!  I have really identified with your situation as I too am tapering whilst having symptoms and also have not found holding helpful so it seems we are in the same boat.  I am wishing the very best for you as you finish up your taper and make the leap to zero!

[Longroadhome]

7 hours ago, wantrelief said:

You are one strong woman

I have always considered myself to be a strong minded person but WD has tested me to my very limits and made me feel unworthy. This brought a tear to my eye and I thank you. 
 

Good luck to you it’s so hard  going through WD when there is no relief.
Just keep finding something in each day that keeps you motivated for the next.
 

 
 

 

[Arti]

@Longroadhome thinking on you how are you?

I could Imagine every day is very different 

 

Arti 

[Longroadhome]

Hi @Arti

Thank you  for thinking of me. 
You're spot on every day is so different now. I’ve had an old symptom (horrible) return and intensification of usual symptoms. I’m on such a small amount it’s barely anything and I’ll be off completely around 5 weeks time.
Its  scary because it’s become unpredictable and I don’t know how I’m going to be from one day to the next. 
 

if only I could see into the future..

 

I’ve also had a health scare. I had a scan on Saturday and everything was clear. One less thing to think about.

Im trying to think of something positive to say but it’s just not coming to me today. 
 

How are things with you ? 

[Arti]

Sorry to hear that you struggle. Sounds stupid i Know but it was to be expected. It is the endgame. Paroxetin is a Beast. 

But you will Beat the Beast you Know everything. I Know the Doubts but better Days are coming. Try to believe.

 

i am also Bad since this Week. Last Week was better. I made a small daytrip with my girlfried it was Nice but very Hard. Im far away from normal. And i have fear like you That it Never Ends. But it will. I am Not willing to sacrifice my Life for this crap. 
 

 

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Arti said:

Sorry to hear that you struggle. Sounds stupid i Know but it was to be expected. It is the endgame. Paroxetin is a Beast. 

But you will Beat the Beast you Know everything. I Know the Doubts but better Days are coming. Try to believe.

 

i am also Bad since this Week. Last Week was better. I made a small daytrip with my girlfried it was Nice but very Hard. Im far away from normal. And i have fear like you That it Never Ends. But it will. I am Not willing to sacrifice my Life for this crap. 
 

 

So glad you managed a day trip. You are improving! I’m sorry this week is not so good but you are moving forward and that’s obvious now. 
It makes me smile and gives me hope. 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

@Arti Good Morning 

A question, how did you find the red font for your signature ? 

[ChessieCat]

9 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

A question, how did you find the red font for your signature ? 

 

I use a desktop computer and the formatting bar does not always include the font colour and size.  To get it to appear I have to increase or decrease the size of the screen (Ctrl shift + or - OR Ctrl wheel on mouse forward or backward).

[Longroadhome]

Thank you 😊 @ChessieCat

[Arti]

Yes thanks @ChessieCat!! As i remember right i wrote the Signature on the Tablet, should also work maybe depends on the device. Many ways leads to the goal. 

[Longroadhome]

@mstimc

 

Thank you for the support you give to those of us going through the awful process of WD. 
 

if I may I’d like to ask you a question now I am coming to the end of my Paxil taper. 
Briefly, since my early 20s I have suffered on and off with depression and anxiety, always reaching for Paxil as an easy fix. So as a consequence I have been on and off this medication for many years and have been permanently on since 2004. 
I have never actively tried therapy alone, having always been told I had a chemical imbalance, which always gave me the excuse to keep taking the pills. Easy solution. 
Before 2004 I was able to go on and off Paxil, no problem, with years in-between med free and living life until another “episode” befell me.  
Now and for the first time ever I want to learn coping technics to help me come through depression and anxiety episodes that may occur in the future. 
From your own experience, how has therapy helped you and is it an ongoing process ? 
Can you now eliminate anxiety and depression from your life so that you live life free of this illness? 
 

I hope you don’t mind these questions, please do not feel obliged to answer and thank you once again for your support. 

[ChessieCat]

Something that I suggest to members is that they find a supportive counsellor who can teach you general life coping skills.

[Longroadhome]

7 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Something that I suggest to members is that they find a supportive counsellor who can teach you general life coping skills.

Thank you Chess

[Arti]

@Longroadhome maybe i'll be allowed to write something about this. I had a Lot of anxiety and depressive feelings under the paroxetin years. And the recent why i was getting the stuff in de year 2003 was a breakdown because of a Family Death and other unfortunate circumstances.

I think meanwhile the paroxetin create a Lot of fear and depressive thougts. Because since it is away i didnt feel this Kind of anxiety and Depression anymore. Sure i am Bad and i have anxiety and feel hopelessness But it feels completely different than under paroxetin. I did a Lot of therapy in this years and i have to Come to the result most of them was waste of time. Because Not i was treadet. But the side effects of paroxetin. Of course you learn something. Something allways get stucked in the mind. But it was marginal. 

Sure everybody is different but for me it Would  have been better meet a Friend to Talk or ride my Bike, or be Active in a Club. 

And what is also certain, if you have problems or things that depress you, than its up to you to Chance something in Life. No Therapist can do that instead. 

I had the same fear than you, can i Life without the paroxetin will this feelings come back or get worse.

And i can say yes i could live without that poison better than ever if i had no WD if i could sleep 

And if the other body and brain things would work wich are damaged from this drugs.

You are allready doing a Lot of coping Skills. Walking with your dog. Enjoy time with your granddaughter, meet People etc.

 

Life goes on i am a different Person than 2003 when i was started paroxetin. Life circumstances are completely different and i think the same with you. 

 

Another Thing is. I think its allowed and normal to feel sometimes anxiety and deppresed. These are Normal Emotions like Love, anger, hate, preasure etc. There are Not only Sunny days some are Dark and Grey but the good ones will follow. The doctors the media etc tell us that everything 

Allways have to be great. But thats Not the case. 

 

This all is my View and fits for me. Could be different for others 

But i felt the need to write something about it. I hope i didn't upset you or anyone else with this. 

 

Arti

[Longroadhome]

On 9/11/2022 at 9:30 AM, ChessieCat said:

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

Thank you for your  reply and taking the time to write from your experience.  I want to reply properly at the weekend but I just want you to know now how much I appreciate it. I have read through a number of times. 

[Erell]

Hello @Longroadhome, 
I was thinking of you this morning and wanted to send you some kind thoughts. 

These periods of unpredictability and rediscovery of old symptoms or intensities can be destabilising. I send you all my support. ❤️ 

 

After reading your question to mstimc and Arti's response, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the subject, but I don't know if it's ok for you as the question was addressed to mstimc. Let me know if it's ok for you to express my thoughts on this subject.

 

Wish you a peaceful day ☀️

 

[Longroadhome]

Good morning @Erell

its more than ok . I would welcome your thoughts. 🙂

[Erell]

11 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Good morning @Erell

its more than ok . I would welcome your thoughts. 🙂

Well, I hopefully will be able to express myself clearly in English and organize my thoughts, you will tell me if it is understandable  

« Now and for the first time ever I want to learn coping technics to help me come through depression and anxiety episodes that may occur in the future. 
From your own experience, how has therapy helped you and is it an ongoing process ? 
Can you now eliminate anxiety and depression from your life so that you live life free of this illness? »

 

I understand this questioning, as I sometimes have the same. I mean, there are things, events, emotions, sufferings that led us to take these "drugs". No doubt psychiatry was not the best answer to our needs, but still we had needs and if we want to live without psychiatry and its "treatments", it is our responsibility to discover other ways and to put things in place to help us live our lives as we want. 

 

But, when I read your thread, I have the feeling that you are already doing this huge job and have already learnt powerful coping techniques. You are patiently going through a difficult withdrawal from an antidepressant, you are living with symptoms whose intensity is beyond anything you could have imagined, and, every day, you are putting in place powerful techniques to keep moving forward: acceptance, patience, recognition of the changing and temporary nature of internal and external phenomena, letting go, gratitude, self-compassion, giving yourself the right to feel unpleasant sensations or emotions, recognising the habits that are good for you and those that are not…

It doesn't matter whether you feel you have fully 'mastered' these tools or not, you are already practising them, consciously or not.

 

In addition to all this, you focus part of your attention on the social and family connection, the love shared with an animal, the link and solidarity between peers, and probably a lot of other things I don't know about.

 

My point is you are already doing a huge "therapeutic" job, really. And I don't know if this 'work' ever ends, probably not, because life will continue to shake us up and destabilize us, since everything is always changing

 

I'm not saying there's no point in seeing a therapist: some people really do find it helpful, and sometimes you may want to say things out loud to someone who doesn't know you. And if you find a supportive therapist, the human support is always appreciated.
Other people find help in practices around the body and the releasing of tensions, with trauma-informed people, and there are approaches that may interest and help you.

And it doesn't mean that you can't find interesting tools or thoughts outside yourself: personally, Claire Weeks' book (Hope and help for your nerves) and Russ Harris's book (The happiness trap) and I continue to look through them regularly, as I'm still learning about acceptance  

 

But what I mean is that I wouldn't want you to see yourself as helpless in the face of anxiety and feelings of depression, because you're not, really. You have immense expertise and many coping skills, and therapists will not necessarily have more expertise than you. You have the lived experience. I don't think you necessarily have to see a therapist to learn to live with your emotions, doubts and traumas.

I think there are many ways to learn and grow, and that it is up to you to find the ones that suit you (which can also change).

 

I am also wary of the fears that we have during the withdrawal process: I am not an example, I dive in regularly! How many times have I talked on my thread about how I feel like I absolutely have to work on my traumas to get better, or what I should do to get better. I'm gradually realising that there's an element of obsession in this, an obsession probably linked to the state of stress in which we live in withdrawal where everything is synonymous of fear. So we fear the future, we fear we are not doing enough, we fear we should do more, we fear we will never feel good again…

I fear to. I often fear that I'm doomed to feel bad all my life, that there is something really wrong with me…

I don't always manage to follow my own advice, but it seems that we should listen less to these fears. Those who took this path before us all say in their success stories that, once they recovered, they feel like they can face way better intense emotions, because nothing will ever feel as intense as withdrawal, and because of all the coping skills they learnt (consciously or not) during the healing process. By the way, I've learned a phrase on SA : « a walk in the park » ! Because so many survivors say that common anxiety and depressed feelings feels like « a walk in the park » after withdrawal !  And we need to remember that a large part of what is uncomfortable and scary for now is an expression of withdrawal.
Many survivors also say that they were convinced that something was really wrong with them, that they would never feel good again, that they were doomed to be anxious or depressed people. 
It seems that it is almost an obligatory step in this process ! And then, they move on with their lives…  

 

I don't think that anxiety and depressed feelings are an « illness », and I don't think these feelings are avoidable. I do believe they are a part of human life, and I don't think a human can go through life without these feelings or intense emotions. However, I do believe it is important to learn ways to live with them, but, as I already say, I think you are already learning that… and it is probablby something we will learn throughout our life  

I don't think that life will only be flakes and joy after WD, there will always be challenges, sad events, stressful obstacles, and probably some nights of doubts. But I do believe that nothing will be comparable to the hellish internal chaos of withdrawal and that we will probably come out of it with a certain ability to cherish life. 

Ok, that's quite a long message for today ! 
Like I said, I struggle with those fears too, and I do think it is important to learn and practice new ways to face our sensations and our fears. But I also believe our thoughts are hijacked by withdrawal for now and we can't ignore the possibility that we might also feel fine after this long journey…  

 

(All these words just to say : I agree with Arti ! 😄)

 

 

 

 

Edited September 16, 2022 by Erell

[Longroadhome]

Here in England it has been a very emotional time, due to the passing of our beloved queen. Ever since I was born there has been Queen Elizabeth. I’ve never been without her, infant, junior, senior school and all through my working career. A golden thread running through the background of my life.  A lady ahead of her time, acceding to the throne in the early 50s, a period that was very much a man’s world. She has reigned  for 70 years, the longest in history. The UK is in mourning and I along with many, am very proud of the person she was. Queen Elizabeth 21st April 1926 -8th September 2022. A very special lady. 

                      ***********

 

im now under 0.2mg of Paxil and symptoms are intense at times. 
I’ve been very symptomatic for the past 4 years, to varying degrees. This can happen for some of us, I believe, while others feel better the lower they go.  It’s hard but I’m getting through each day as best I can. I will be Paxil free for the first time in 18 years, 3 weeks from today.  Nervous, but very happy the end is here and I never have to take this medication again.  
 

@Arti

unlike you I can never remember associating my anxiety and depression to a particular event. It would just rear it’s ugly head from time to time,  like a black cloud, out of nowhere. Sometimes the depression would set the anxiety off, sometimes the other way around.  Though looking back, from my early 20s,  I did have something that troubled my greatly over the years that I kept to myself. And I do wonder if this troublesome thought depleted my energy, making me susceptible to these episodes. I don’t honestly know, as during my formative years I would worry about dying, thinking something was always wrong with me. My mum taking me down the doctors so many times, for nothing.  I’d just find stuff to get anxious about. I had my first real bout of anxiety at the age of 18. The Dr gave me Stemesil. I took it for a week and was fine for some years after. So maybe anxiety was always a part of me..

With you it sounds like anxiety and depression came about because of a death in the family, and then Paxil didnt help alleviate the symptoms, but somehow intensified them instead.
Mine went away while on Paxil, until years later when unbeknown to me, tolerance started to set in.  
However, like you I should have looked at other forms of relief. I never did and this is why I wonder, can I really cure myself of anxiety and depression without pills? 
 

On 9/14/2022 at 6:02 AM, Arti said:

I had the same fear than you, can i Life without the paroxetin will this feelings come back or get worse.

And i can say yes i could live without that poison better than ever if i had no WD if i could sleep 

 
I love this paragraph !! You have been without Paxil for over 2 years now, after being on it for years and you know you have the courage to heal yourself going forward.    
 

On 9/14/2022 at 6:02 AM, Arti said:

You are allready doing a Lot of coping Skills. Walking with your dog. Enjoy time with your granddaughter, meet People etc.

This is true . I know it is, but nearing the end of my taper I’m being plagued with thoughts of self doubt. What if I’m left forever with anxiety and depression and will never enjoy happiness and peace again? I know it’s not logical to think like this as I’m coping with horrific symptoms every hour of every day. And I am coping! So why should the thought of anxiety and depression in the future frighten me?
 

I should add,  like everyone else going through WD, I also worry I’ll never heal.

 

While I do believe all of this is yet another symptom of WD,  it feels like me, my real thoughts. 
 

On 9/14/2022 at 6:02 AM, Arti said:

Life goes on i am a different Person than 2003 when i was started paroxetin. Life circumstances are completely different and i think the same with you

This is the same for me. And even the troublesome thought that was there for years, is no more. I no longer give it any thought at all. Let alone worry about it. 

 

As you say, we are allowed to feel anxious and depressed from time to time . And what we are feeling now, going through this terrible ordeal,  will make any future anxiety and depression feel like nothing at all. My real self knows this, I just need to keep saying it. 
 

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me Arti. 

[mstimc]

8 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

ere in England it has been a very emotional time, due to the passing of our beloved queen. Ever since I was born there has been Queen Elizabeth. I’ve never been without her, infant, junior, senior school and all through my working career. A golden thread running through the background of my life.  A lady ahead of her time, acceding to the throne in the early 50s, a period that was very much a man’s world. She has reigned  for 70 years, the longest in history. The UK is in mourning and I along with many, am very proud of the person she was. Queen Elizabeth 21st April 1926 -8th September 2022. A very special lady. 

 

@Longroadhome, my parents were born in the 1920's.  The only president they knew as adults was Franklin Roosevelt.  They told me it they simply couldn't imagine anyone else as president. He was in office just over 12 years, so I can imagine how difficult it must be for you after having such a steadfast monarch for 70 years.

 

[Arti]

@Longroadhome I can Imagine that the death of the queen is very motional. Also here in germany there is a lot on tv and in the news. I also know the Queen since i was a child but actually have no Relation to her or the monarchy. But even i was very moved. I was interrested and read a little bit more about her history and Family. Yes i think she was a smart, funny Person.

Maybe another example that nothing stay forever not us, not the queen, and hopefully not WD either.

 

Longroadhome i Would Not write to much. But i see many similarities. My mother took me often to different doctors. Homeopaths, kinesiologists etc. I took vitamins, homeopathic stuff etc. I was an anxiois, introverted child and Teenager, after this breakdown in 2003 i got paroxetin and yes it was Changing but i still got anxious but Not so much as before. I could live more ore less. But the thougt and the feelings changed. And i Think my own anxiety diappeared over Time. Because my Life Situation changed over the years and Not because of the paroxetin. Instead of that more and more strange Thinking and yes a different Kind of anxiety came over me. I often thought about Death but i dont know why. And i never felt satified.

I could write so much more, maybe one story.

 

I think it was 2008 i was in holliday with my Girlfriend on Lanzarote. And there was a perfect day. I think we made a trip during the day, ate and drank very well in the evening. And were by the Sea at sunset. We havent been together that long.

I thougt everything must be perfekt but i Couldnt feel that and Couldnt enjoy that. I felt strange and nervous. 

Now i know why it was the paroxetin. Maybe i was also inconstant with the dosis that time. My mind was not free to enjoy. There were many other Situations after that over the years.

 

I dont think the paroxin do any good thing and i dont think that it cure our anxiety, on the contrary it prevented us from processing our fear and feelings when it was necessary.

 

I was allways wrapped and brought up like this. If your not feeling well, Go to the doctor

He will Manage for you. But thats wrong it is in our responsibility. 

They can do investigation and support but the decision what to do is  up to us.

 

I hope i wrote no BS

So 18 years is a long time with many changes. What i wanted to say is wait until your mind is free of drugs and then wait another Time and See what happens. 

 

Wish you a  bearable week !!!

 

Arti 

 

 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

@Erell

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to the questions I posted. It is so kind of you when you are going through intense WD yourself. I really appreciate your time.
I value your opinion and thoughts, always. 

I know I am making use of the coping skills that I have learnt these last 4 years, but I’m worried the anxiety and depression will not go away after WD and I’ll be left with these two symptoms for the duration. Silly I know considering the intensity now. I have spoke with Baylissa about this and she said it’s normal to feel apprehensive when at the end of a taper and that people do question themselves about how they will cope once off. From what she says it’s a byproduct of being on medication for so long.
I think I just feel vulnerable after 18 years of Paxil use. 

My Dr put me on medication all those years ago . I have never been to see a psychiatrist for my metal health . The only dealing I have had is two appointments at the beginning of my taper in 2018 when I did not know what was happening to me ( I was in tolerance). My Dr was of no use whatsoever, telling me to reduce up and down from 20mg to 10mg every third day, and taper from there finishing in about a month. I knew this was not right and thought  an appointment with a psychiatrist would be the better option. She put me on Pregabalin to help with the WD. Another bad move. She was hopeless.
The reason I have mentioned this is I have no use for psychiatrists going forward because of this negative experience . I was thinking more along the lines of CBT, as my brain gets stuck in a negative pattern of thinking that I find impossible to lift myself out of. I need to retrain my thought process. Especially during stressful times, as this is where I think my problem lies. 
 

I have Claire Weeks books . They are very helpful. 
I’ll  look into Russ Harris. In the back of my mind I think I purchased this book at the beginning of my taper, so the first place to look will be my bookcase! 
 

I know we can’t go through life without stresses and strains but my anxiety and depression would appear out of thin air, that’s why I was so willing to believe the chemical imbalance theory. And now coming to the end of my taper I’m looking for additional tools within myself, such as CBT,   to strengthen my existing coping skills. It’s a confidence thing, and probably fuelled by my WD anxiety, as you say. 
Yes there will be challenges and sad events but i need to find a new way to deal with them. 
 

Thank you for being there. I gain strength from your words. 
You are truly a shining light in this community. 
 

[Longroadhome]

@Arti thank you for your reply I will get back to you within the next few days . 

[gentlehermione]

On 9/18/2022 at 4:27 PM, Longroadhome said:

Here in England it has been a very emotional time, due to the passing of our beloved queen. Ever since I was born there has been Queen Elizabeth. I’ve never been without her, infant, junior, senior school and all through my working career. A golden thread running through the background of my life.  A lady ahead of her time, acceding to the throne in the early 50s, a period that was very much a man’s world. She has reigned  for 70 years, the longest in history. The UK is in mourning and I along with many, am very proud of the person she was. Queen Elizabeth 21st April 1926 -8th September 2022. A very special lady. 

 

❤️ Indeed, she was unique.

 

@Longroadhome

 

Being half English and having grown up in Canada, I can so identify with this. The Queen was just always there, wasn't she? - almost eternal! 

 

I can understand your trepidation about being close to "0". We all have to deal with many different milestones during withdrawal and some can be quite daunting! 

 

Here's a site that I stumbled upon just recently https://theanxioustruth.com  and have found to be helpful (along with the Claire Weekes books and Baylissa's daily motivational emails). Not forgetting, of course, the plethora of good advice on SA!

 

Wishing you well and sending you healing vibes 🥰

[Longroadhome]

Thank you @gentlehermione@Arti and@mstimc for your kind words. The funeral has passed and everything is quiet, back to normal it seems, but no, the essence of her majesty will remain in the heart of my country forever. 

 

@gentlehermione thank you for the site you recommended. I have taken a look and I think it will be helpful to me. 
 

@Arti

It seems as children  we had the same insecurities, I was also an anxious introverted child. I was the youngest of 5 in my family and was a very shy teenager lacking in confidence, in all areas of my life. 
 

You speak about the time you were on holiday and taking  your medicine inconsistently and not feeling happy, on a perfect day when you should have.
I can identify with this, I was in Rome with my husband, beautiful romantic Rome and I had a weird episode come over me. I had been alternating my Paxil dose between 10 and 20 mg at the time, advised by the Dr as I wanted to come off it. This weird episode I now know was a seizure, brought on by the inconsistent amount of Paxil I was receiving. I ended up in a hospital in Rome. They didn’t know what was wrong with me. Depression came on me immediately and I upped my dose back to 20mg, but didn’t associate the weird episode with the medication back then. The trip was ruined. 
 

I do believe being inconsistent with SSRI medication can lead to tolerance. And this is why over time it doesn’t work so well.

 

On 9/19/2022 at 9:44 AM, Arti said:

I dont think the paroxin do any good thing and i dont think that it cure our anxiety, on the contrary it prevented us from processing our fear and feelings when it was necessary

 
I think it was a crutch. And when you have been treated successfully with SSRIs with an initial episode of depression and anxiety,  it becomes the medicine of choice with future episodes, because we haven’t been through the process of healing ourselves, without medication. So in my case, I didn’t think I could do it alone.  

 

On 9/19/2022 at 9:44 AM, Arti said:

I was allways wrapped and brought up like this. If your not feeling well, Go to the doctor

He will Manage for you. But thats wrong it is in our responsibility

Yes ultimately it is our responsibility.  For me it’s always been the quick fix solution. Partly so I can get on with my life, mainly because depression and anxiety scared me and I wanted something to take it away. 
 

As you say, we have changed  as people over the years from first taking this medication. 
 I wait with interest to work with the real me, free of everything. 
 

Hope your week has shown improvement. 

[Arti]

@Longroadhome it seems you had a similar history as mine. I can Imagine how it was in Rome.

Your are short before freedom your true self lurks beneath the surface. But it will take some time. 

 

Yes i never took my medicine constant. Sometimes at 5am in the morning if i had early shift,  sometimes at 8 am sometimes later or i forgott it on some days. So i think my cns was more and more upsetting over the years and i had more and more side effects. 

 

I had a changeable week with better and with Bad Phases. I cannot really say if there are improvements But changes all the time. Maybe i can write a little bit more detailed update soon. 

 

I am a little bit sad today because i was looking this morning in the whatapp Staus of some friends and have seen pictures of their activities and holidays. All Things that i am not able to do even if i am better than a year ago. 

 

I Would like to mention why i write so badly about Therapist and psychiatrists. 

On my odysee i was in 3 different Hospitals for 5 times. And i meet countless of them some were both. I told them my story again and again. no different if Psychiatrist or Therapist nobody of them took me seriously some laughed at me. Even the women wich i was for years 

So im done with this People forever. 

I wont tell my story anymore also my childhood, my relationship, my Job  stays with me.

Nobody of us had a perfect childhood or relationship or Family 

We all have small or bigger trauma or Stroke of fate. 

This cannot be treatet with a weekly 45 min talk. We have to deal with it ourselves.

And the best in this Hospitals was to talk with others not with so called doctors  i still have Contact with some of them. And some are still in die Psychiatric trap

 

Sorry to write again about this it seems that this is my trauma 

And again it is my Personal opinion. 

 

Briefly back to the monarchy. 

King charles allready has my respect. Apparently he is an advocate of natural conservation and Organic farming. He criticizes the science here. He says we should make an effort and try to understand how Nature and its processes work. And not to develope Methods to change this processes. 

 

There is nothing to add.

Wish you a nice sunday and a Lots of Power on the last stage 

 

Arti 

 

 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

8 hours ago, Arti said:

@Longroadhome it seems you had a similar history as mine. I can Imagine how it was in Rome.

Your are short before freedom your true self lurks beneath the surface. But it will take some time. 

 

Yes i never took my medicine constant. Sometimes at 5am in the morning if i had early shift,  sometimes at 8 am sometimes later or i forgott it on some days. So i think my cns was more and more upsetting over the years and i had more and more side effects. 

 

I had a changeable week with better and with Bad Phases. I cannot really say if there are improvements But changes all the time. Maybe i can write a little bit more detailed update soon. 

 

I am a little bit sad today because i was looking this morning in the whatapp Staus of some friends and have seen pictures of their activities and holidays. All Things that i am not able to do even if i am better than a year ago. 

 

I Would like to mention why i write so badly about Therapist and psychiatrists. 

On my odysee i was in 3 different Hospitals for 5 times. And i meet countless of them some were both. I told them my story again and again. no different if Psychiatrist or Therapist nobody of them took me seriously some laughed at me. Even the women wich i was for years 

So im done with this People forever. 

I wont tell my story anymore also my childhood, my relationship, my Job  stays with me.

Nobody of us had a perfect childhood or relationship or Family 

We all have small or bigger trauma or Stroke of fate. 

This cannot be treatet with a weekly 45 min talk. We have to deal with it ourselves.

And the best in this Hospitals was to talk with others not with so called doctors  i still have Contact with some of them. And some are still in die Psychiatric trap

 

Sorry to write again about this it seems that this is my trauma 

And again it is my Personal opinion. 

 

Briefly back to the monarchy. 

King charles allready has my respect. Apparently he is an advocate of natural conservation and Organic farming. He criticizes the science here. He says we should make an effort and try to understand how Nature and its processes work. And not to develope Methods to change this processes. 

 

There is nothing to add.

Wish you a nice sunday and a Lots of Power on the last stage 

 

Arti 

 

 

 

 

 

Arti you are better than a year ago. You have said the words. Full recovery will come to you. Don’t worry about pictures of friends holidays as one day you will be sending pictures yourself. When that day comes and you have fully recovered you will feel better than ever before, and your smile on the photo will reflect this. So don’t feel sad that you can’t do things at the moment,  as your time will come. You are closer than a year ago and much closer than two years ago. You should be very proud of yourself.
 

As you say, no one has a perfect childhood or family or relationship . But it’s how we deal with trauma within these relationships  that is key to our wellbeing. 
Not dwelling  on things that we can’t change. Moving on and closing doors, where needed. Forming new friendships. Pursuing  interests that take us into new and interesting pastures . Keeping the mind active in a positive way. Doing things however small,  that makes us happy. Being thankful for the close relationships  we do have.  Feeling content with life.

 

I hope your friends  from the hospital gain strength from watching you recover, free from medication. I hope it gives them the confidence  to try themselves .   
 

King Charles is a keen gardener and has an Organic  garden at Hjghgrove.  Yes he is an advocate of traditional rural skills. I hope he makes a good King. I’m not sure.
 

im feeling good today Arti about finishing my taper . 12 days to go.. 

 

Hope the week ahead is a positive one for you. Keep going your doing a fine job. 😉 

 

[Arti]

On 9/25/2022 at 8:13 PM, Longroadhome said:

Arti you are better than a year ago. You have said the words. Full recovery will come to you. Don’t worry about pictures of friends holidays as one day you will be sending pictures yourself. When that day comes and you have fully recovered you will feel better than ever before, and your smile on the photo will reflect this. So don’t feel sad that you can’t do things at the moment,  as your time will come. You are closer than a year ago and much closer than two years ago. You should be very proud of yourself.
 

After all thats happened, its hard to trust that it is actually better. 

I try it. 

 

On 9/25/2022 at 8:13 PM, Longroadhome said:

As you say, no one has a perfect childhood or family or relationship . But it’s how we deal with trauma within these relationships  that is key to our wellbeing. 
Not dwelling  on things that we can’t change. Moving on and closing doors, where needed. Forming new friendships. Pursuing  interests that take us into new and interesting pastures . Keeping the mind active in a positive way. Doing things however small,  that makes us happy. Being thankful for the close relationships  we do have.  Feeling content with life.

Yes true words, thats the Art of living 

 

On 9/25/2022 at 8:13 PM, Longroadhome said:

im feeling good today Arti about finishing my taper . 12 days to go..

Seeing the light af the end of the Tunnel is inspiring. I count with you.

 

On 9/25/2022 at 8:13 PM, Longroadhome said:

Hope the week ahead is a positive one for you

I hope and wish the same for you!!!

 

Arti 

[Arti]

hi @Longroadhome

I just want to say Hello and congratulate you !!!

You are free of paroxetin now. Its a weird but liberating feeling.

The doubts will fade with time.

You no longer have to count backward, now you can count forward. 

 

Arti