serotoninsyndromesufferer: would appreciate help with diagnosing what is happening to me

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Admin note - link to benzo forum thread - serotoninsyndromesufferer: alprazolam tapering

 

Hello,

 

I would like to thank local community for sharing such important knowledge. Thanks to you, my understanding of things that happened to me is greater, but I still would appreciate some advice and reassurance.

 

I am 28 years old male, sober addict (over 5 years without drugs and alcohol). I started a new life and thought that the worst part of my life is behind me. Some time ago I started working as software engineer and I started to be under big pressure, because I didn't have enough knowledge to do my work in a way that I would consider as a proper way of doing my job. I decided that I would break my rules and get some "help", which would make me more "intelligent".

 

On August 2018 I started to take some brain-chemistry altering supplements, that is: Bacopa Monniera, Ashwaghanda, Alpha GPC, Small amount of Lithium and Fosfatidylserine. I found them really helpful and started to stretch my brain even more. On December 2018 I started to feel overwhelmed by negative emotions (sadness, guilt), which I found really weird because of their instensity. Instead of taking more care of myself I started to work and learn more than before, so the emotions of self-confidence and satisfaction pushed out negative feelings.

 

On 5th February 2019 I couldn't cope with reality anymore. I felt overwhelmed by fear and sadness so much, that I couldn't even send a proper email without mistake. Unforunately, I had really important business trip on 12th February 2019 to another country and despite of my mood, I agreed to go there.

 

In the meantime I wanted to find reason of my state and the most logic explanation back then was that choline from Alpha GPC induced anxiety-depression episode. I also read that anticholinergic agents can help go back to "normal" state. I felt so awful on business trip, that I decided to buy antihistamines to try get back to "normal". I bought a package of Piriton (chlorphenamine) and took a daily dose (24mg) in 4hrs, because of my addict habits and no knowledge about the substance I took.

 

First day was ok, mild heart palpitations, next day I took daily dose in normal intervals (few hours). At the evening I started to feel extremely anxious and weirdly excited. I went to bed and in 30 minutes I woke up in terrible state. I thought that my brain was fried, I was totally paniced. I was shaking and felt total terror. I called my girlfriend, because I didn't know what to do. I managed to go through the night and next day at meeting in a horrbile state. Then I had a terrible trip back, I had to go thought 3 countries and eded in different city, because of delays. Finally I had to go to my city by bus, totally devasted and exhausted.

 

When I got home I was still in super restless state, I tried to go to bed, but I woke up again in panic. I called ER and they took me to hospital. Nobody diagnosed serotonin syndrome and they did just simple diagnosis and gave me anti-pressure drug.

 

I was so desperate that same day (16th February 2019) I went to see a psychiatrist, because I felt that I couldn't handle my state without drugs. He prescribed me fluoxetine 20mg once a day and some antipsychotic for sleep. I didn't know that my state was probably caused by serotonin syndrome and that ssri will make it worse. I took fluoxetine for 11 days (ended on 27th February 2019), which were the hardest psycho-physical days in my whole life. I was living panic with tremors, panic attacks, I couldn't sleep, but I was so exhausted.

 

I decided to go off cold turkey and to start recovery without meds. It was really hard, my main symtpoms was severe dissasociation/derealisation, restlessness, forehead seizures with nightmare-like images, panic attacks, desorientation (woke up at night and didn't know where I am). I had to go to psychiatrist for sickness-leave and he prescribed me paroxetine with alprazolam this time.

 

I didn't want to take any meds back then, but it soon changed. I wanted to recover really badly, I really wanted to have my life back, so I started excercise much and seeing different specialitsts to exclude any sicknesses. Excercising made things worse, because I excited my CNS even more than it was. Then I started to understand my condition quite better and had some accupuncture sessions, TRE and CBT.

 

In the meantime I decided to take alprazolam for sleep, because I couldn't sleep much and my anxiety was too severe to handle. On 21st March 2019 I started to take 0,5mg of alprazolam SR to sleep, then on 30th March 2019 I increased the dosage to 1mg, on 6th April 2019 I changed to normal alprazolam 0,5mg, on 14th April 2019 I decreased dose to 0,25mg and yesterday (17th April 2019) I didn't take any.

 

On 7th April 2019, I changed my mind about antidepressants and believed that everything that happened to me was because my anxiety and decided to take a try with paroxetine. I started from 10mg from 7th April to 11th April, then on 12th April I increased dosage to 20mg. My state was already really bad, so it's hard to say how paroxetine affected me, but at first I felt quite better, less anxiety and a little more willing to live.

 

Then I started to feel side effects, nausea, diarrahea, muscle twitching, my head felt like it was stuffed. I still wanted to believe that it will help me in a long term and appriacted that despite of the side effects, my anxiety was less severe. On 15th April I started to feel mild serotonin syndrome. My skin was buring and itchy again, everything was too hot or too cold for my skin, I was sweating and feeling really tired and dizzy. I decided to take the pill again on 16th April, but it made things just worse. Yesteday (17th April) I also quitted paroxetine. Today (18th April) I haven't slept all night, I feel like a trash, I sweat, I have tremors, I couldn't sleep because of brain zaps and strange buzzing sound in my brain. My anxiety is still less severe, but I am just wating till serotonine in my body will decrease again and the withdrawal will show it's force.

 

To sum up:

 

Drugs and supplements taken:

 

August 2018 - February 2019:

Bacopa Monniera, Ashwaghanda, Alpha GPC, Small amount of Lithium and Fosfatidylserine

 

16th February 2019 - 27th February 2019:

Fluoxetine 20mg

 

21st March 2019 - 30th March 2019:

0,5mg alprazolam SR

 

30th March 2019 - 6th April 2019:

1mg alprazolam SR

 

6th April 2019 - 14th April 2019:

0,5mg alprazolam

 

14th April 2019 - 17th April 2019:

0,25mg of alprazolam

 

7th April 2019 - 11th April 2019:

10mg paroxetine

 

11th April 2019 - 16th April 2019:

20mg paroxetine

 

Most acute symtoms:

 

- Restlessness

- Agitation

- Severe anxiety/ panic in behind 24h/7

- Brain zaps

- Derealisation/dissasociation with panic

- Insomnia

- Grief

- Lack of feeling of time (my timespan is about 3hrs, rest of things is just in my head as memory, but I can't tell if it was yesterday or last week)

- Trans-like states (when I look at something too long/ the light falls at object I experience strong feeling of derealisation and for a while don't know where I am)

- Memory problems

- Detached from my personality

- Forehead seizures (when I go to sleep, just before I am sleeping I experience feeling of panic/severe and dissasociation with bright light in front of my eyes)

- Problems with 3d mapping (I have to be really focused to tell where I am exactly in my city and where should I go to reach the target)

- No emotions (just fear, sadness and anger-like states)

 

I would like to ask you:

- Is this explanation of things that happend to me logic and probably true? That i suffered from multiple mild/severe serotonin syndroms?

- Should I quit benzo and ssri at once? Is it bad if I took benzo for sleep when ssri withdrawal will be the worst?

- Is there any person that would help me with the recovery and let me share my experiences with him/her?

- Is there someone who also suffered from anxiety and got adverse reaction to ssri/ other drug?

- What would be your advice for my recovery?

- Do you identidy yourself with my symptoms? Did you have simmilar?

 

I will be really grateful if you would answer my questions.

 

Thanks in advance,

SerotoninsyndromeSufferer

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Shep
added line breaks (Altostrata), added link to benzo forum thread (Shep)

[Altostrata]

Welcome, sss.

 

It's unusual for us to see someone who has such an extensive history with voluntary drug experimentation. Obviously, you took drug combinations that interacted and caused some awful symptoms. It's hard to tell if serotonin syndrome was among them, that usually occurs when one is taking more than one serotonergic drug at a time or an excessive dose of one drug.

 

At any rate, you have experienced psychotropic drug adverse effects and possibly withdrawal syndromes from lithium and alprazolam. Your symptoms are very similar to withdrawal symptoms or after-effects of a severe adverse reaction -- they are both because your nervous system is upset and needs to settle down.

'

That you felt better when you took paroxetine suggests antidepressant withdrawal syndrome, but the dosage was too high and when the drug reached steady-state in a few days, you felt much worse. Why did you choose to take paroxetine instead of fluoxetine? Fluoxetine would be a better choice. Do you have any left?

 

Are you currently taking anything -- drug, herb, nootropic, etc. -- now?

 

If not, reinstatement of 1mg fluoxetine may help. You can make a liquid to take a small dose, for instructions, see Tips for tapering off Prozac (fluoxetine)

 

You have a tendency to overdo things. Since you've injured your nervous system, DO NOT TAKE high doses of anything. MORE IS NOT BETTER -- your nervous system is sensitized and you could make it a lot worse.

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

 

Edited April 20, 2019 by ChessieCat
emphasised NOT

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Hi,

 

Thank you very much for reply. I know my story is intense, but it all started from chlorphenamine overdose adverse reaction. Then everything was a madness, I thought that I went psycho, I couldn't believe that this amount of chlorphenamine that I took, would have such terrible effects. I got into psychiatric-mill despite of that I told everything my doc and got no warning that I should wait till my adverse effects go away and take meds then. Anyway, now I just want to feel better and start recovery.

 

22 hours ago, Altostrata said:

That you felt better when you took paroxetine suggests antidepressant withdrawal syndrome, but the dosage was too high and when the drug reached steady-state in a few days, you felt much worse. Why did you choose to take paroxetine instead of fluoxetine? Fluoxetine would be a better choice. Do you have any left?

 

I quitted fluoxetine, because it made my state worse than before taking it and because I didn't want to take any drug back then. I started taking paroxetine next, because my psychiatrists prescribed me it instead of fluoxetine. I have some fluoxetine left, but to be honest, I don't feel like taking any SSRI like now. I would like to wait until paroxetine gets out of my body, so I will try it then. Does it make sense or do you think that I could reinstate fluoxetine now?

 

22 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Are you currently taking anything -- drug, herb, nootropic, etc. -- now?

 

I am taking magnesium, zink, melatonine and bacopa. I take 0,5mg of alprazolam for sleep. Should I stop taking them?

 

22 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please let us know how you're doing.

 

I stopped taking paroxetine on 17.04.2019. Today I feel weird. After few days of taking paroxetine I stopped feeling anxious, it was like some anxiety cloud which were in my head all the time dissapeared. It is still not there, to be honest I feel like I got lobotomy or something. Feeling no emotions, like dead inside. My body is still really thight, my muscle twitche, sometimes have paresthesia, my head is heavy. I feel even dumber than before taking paroxetine. Is it normal to feel no emotions while on antidepressants or when they still are in your body after you stop taking them?

 

 

Edited April 20, 2019 by ChessieCat
bolded bacopa

[Altostrata]

Are you feeling better or worse since you quit paroxetine 4 days ago?

 

15 hours ago, serotoninsyndromesufferer said:

I am taking magnesium, zink, melatonine and bacopa. I take 0,5mg of alprazolam for sleep. Should I stop taking them? 

 

How long have you been taking bacopa and alprazolam, and at what dosages?

 

How much melatonin do you take, and when?

 

You may be having adverse effects from drugs and supplements. Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs etc., their dosages, and your symptoms. You can post them in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

I feel better after quitting paroxetine. However I still got brain zaps and muscle twitching and feel weirdly no emotions. 

 

I take bacopa for about a month and 0.5mg alprazolam and 5mg melatonine before sleep for 30 days. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

I'm starting to doubt that I will get through it. I was in the middle of nervous breakdown before adverse reaction and ssri's. I can see that my previous state excaberate my symptoms. Maybe someone was in simmilar situation? I would be really grateful for some reassurance.

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Any suggestions? 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

😕

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

I'm starting getting hopeless... My CNS went through so much I think there is no way I can be myself again... I was quite better after couple of weeks and then I decided to take meds again, because I didn't know that something like adverse effect exists... And now I'm totally screwed, no emotions, muscle twitching, ringing ears, total insomnia... I can't imagine my life in such state..

[ChessieCat]

On 4/21/2019 at 8:53 AM, Altostrata said:

You may be having adverse effects from drugs and supplements. Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs etc., their dosages, and your symptoms. You can post them in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

Alto, this site's founder, requested on 21st April that you keep daily notes and post them here in your Intro topic.  This is an example of what is needed:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

On 4/21/2019 at 8:53 AM, Altostrata said:

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

Please also create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

Edited April 25, 2019 by ChessieCat

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

On 4/25/2019 at 11:51 AM, ChessieCat said:

 

Alto, this site's founder, requested on 21st April that you keep daily notes and post them here in your Intro topic.  This is an example of what is needed:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

 

Please also create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

Thank you for your response. To be honest, I think there is not much to do for me regarding to antidepressant reinstatement or widthrawal. I will keep this thread updated if something will be better or I would like to ask a question to members. 

I have really important question right now. Do you know any stories that people recovered from emotional anesthesia, which was felt immediatly after increasing dose or from day to day while starting new med? I fried to find something with no results. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

I think my body is getting bad. My heart pounds like it can't do it anymore and whole body is numb and hurts. Is it possible to die from meds? 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

My body is getting worse. My feets and fingers make spasmic moves, my heart is getting weaker. Tonight it pound so fast I thought I would die. These drugs are evil. I regret taking them, why did I trust my family and dr and took them again? There is no chance for recovery now and what is most terrifying, I don't think my body will survive this. These are probably my last days/weeks... So sad that my life ends this way... 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Manually breathing

 

Hi, 

 

I took paroxetine just for 9 days and it left me with really concerning symptoms. One of them, which concerns me the most is that I have to focus on breathing to breathe properly. When I do not do that my breathe is shallow and I feel like I am choking. Does anyone had something simmilar? Did it go away over time? 

 

Edited May 9, 2019 by ChessieCat
added topic title

[ChessieCat]

Please see this SA topic:  shortness-of-breath-and-other-breathing-issues

 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Update:

 

24th day after stopping paroxetine. I developed severe PSSD. I don't feel anything, my body is numb, can't focus on sensations from body, like my brain doesn't map it properly. Did some research and it occurs there is really small chance that I will recover from it. My blood pressure is lower and I don't feel my heart, it used to pound in my chest quite hard. In my worst dreams I didin't expect such outcome, I thought there will be some side effects added to my already existing symptoms, but I didn't even imagine such scenario. I had severe anxiety, dp/ dr, my thoughts were racing, my dreams were surrealistic and vivid. Now my mind is empty, there are no emotions, my dreams are so light like they didn't exist. My cognitive functions don't exist, I can't visualise, I can't talk properly, I can't write. I don't remember things from my life and often I confuse these pictures with dreams. I remember dreams from many years back, I don't know how it is possible. I have troubles differentiating them from my past memories. How come prescription drug can damage body and brain so hard? My humanity has been taken from me.

 

I look at other member's stories and envy that most of them have a chance for recovery. That's hard, but at least some of us can recover and hopefully live a normal life.

 

 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Quick update:

 

I started improving after HBOT sessions. I wanted to speed up process and took Russian drug Mexidol. It destroyed my brain circulation and heart circulation. Im in hospital ready to die. Beware any drugs after being damaged. I made fatal mistake. 

[Thombs]

7 hours ago, serotoninsyndromesufferer said:

Quick update:

 

I started improving after HBOT sessions. I wanted to speed up process and took Russian drug Mexidol. It destroyed my brain circulation and heart circulation. Im in hospital ready to die. Beware any drugs after being damaged. I made fatal mistake. 

Why you took Meksidol? It's imposible for emoxypine to desroy you braind circulation or hearth circulation. 

I have checked you story for my beggining of the story was typical depression signs with anxiety and panic attacks. Why you are in the hospital? What they found? You did any tests?

[smketdie]

You will getbetter. I cant tell you how bad I was at first months(altough Iam still bad after more than 1 year but much better) It feels like dying constantly. Just give time to your NS to stabilize. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

I am already 1 year in. The drug i took to boost healing, because one of my friend in WD took it and got better. I am destroyed, it doesnt feel lie being destroyed, I literally am. It damaged my circulation and brain severly. 

[smketdie]

I know the drug you took İt is not in every country though.  Thinking nootropics will make you better is  wrong.  I know you want to try something and not let it go but trying the other option might make it better. İt did for me at least. Every time I use little *** amount of msgnesium or anything what other people use I dont feel my brain. My limbs are literally disconnected from my Brain.  Absence of these things might  help you . Try it some time.I hope you get better. Are you still in hospital right now?

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

No. This is not magnesium it is serious drug. It destroyed me, I was dying 7 days, now I am dead, literally. I am totally devasted, its beyond repair guys. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

That's over guys. It is horror story and a reminder to not take anything if you acquired psychiatric drug damage. It can destroy your brain. It did mine. That is end of my life. I am ending it as soon as I can. 

[Gridley]

6 minutes ago, serotoninsyndromesufferer said:

I am ending it as soon as I can. 

 

If you are really feeling suicidal, you need to seek out local help, and speak to someone trained in dealing with this.  Are there any groups locally that you can access?  See:  For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

 

I am sorry that you are feeling so desperate.  Please read the following from mammaP, one of our moderators.

   On 12/23/2014 at 8:10 AM,  mammaP said: 

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Please tell us how you are feeling, but  please understand how it is for us when someone says they are going to end their life and not come back. We do not want to lose you, we want you to get better. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

This site is maybe not the most accurate in terms of diagnosing and looking for cause, but it is the most rational site for not hurting yourself even further, its better to stay like it is than to destroy yourself. Thanks guys. 

[Thombs]

1 hour ago, serotoninsyndromesufferer said:

This site is maybe not the most accurate in terms of diagnosing and looking for cause, but it is the most rational site for not hurting yourself even further, its better to stay like it is than to destroy yourself. Thanks guys. 

I don't understand what doctors found wrong in your body? Cardiomyopathy? Stroke what? Are you in the hospital? Can you seek psychologist? 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Nothing wrong. It is CNS metabolic damage/disruption, simmilar to every other person on this site, there are no diagnostic tools to measure that. My brain metabolism is severly impaired, emoxypine has quite complex range of action, it can very easily further disrupt CNS functioning. 

[smketdie]

No one can say it is done without understanding it. Saying you have permanent damage is just an assumption without back info. I cant imagine your pain but we have close to none  information about brains further explanation or how medixol effects(because of this, site cant be diagosing) . There  can only be trials in this time for this subject(like recoveries ). Mind is altered all the time by many things and we dont know what(mechanisms etc). What you call 'you' is altered and it adapts itself in time.  İf you are feeling suicidal I suggest you get help without further destabilization. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

No, I cant say it is permament damage. What I can say is that I know what I could improve and what couldnt. Now I am in a state that I cant  improve anything. I am beyond repair, and I was getting better with HBOT and time. Much better comparing to where I was a year ago. Never expected this to happen. Never. I am so stupid, never should have done that nootropic, it was completely wrong decision, which is fatal for me. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

I'm deteriorating. My brain and body collapse. 

 

I was utterly stupid. My whole history shows my addictive behavior and lack of patience. I should have accept that I may never heal from my state and just give it YEARS to improve to functional level. I was constantly thinking that I can't accept being like this, without emotions, cognition, without access to my memories and personality. I was telling to myself that if I won't recover in 3 years I will kill myself. But this was just stupid talk, I would never kill myself and I would for sure accept my state if I was already many years in this state. 

 

That's why it is the best decision to really just change your mindset that your life will not be the same and healing can take long long years and even then it could not be 100%. Not put pressure on yourself. 

 

I had everyrhing to recover, money, time, support. Everything. Everything. I lost it because of my greed. 

[jozeff]

Hi sero!

 

Wow thanks for your wonderful message. I mean, about the mindset. This is absolutely true!

 

I do not believe that you are completely messed up for life. I think this myself all the time but sometimes it is perfectly fine. It is just such a disappointment if the good vibe leaves your brain and you feel the misery creeping in and you don't know how long it will last.

 

I have been an alcoholic for years and this messed up my brain a bit but I have recovered quite a bit in 6 years abstinence. It's just the citalopram that is destabilizing me.

 

I hope you will feel better soon!!!!

 

Cheers

Jozeff

 

 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Thanks, but it is not setback nor wave. I got next very severe adverse reaction to a medicine, which I thought is only safe nootropic. 

 

My state without emotions and good cognition made my decisions impaired. I made fatal decision. It's over for me. 

 

Now it's either killing myself or accept that I had big chances to be functional and healthy, which I destroyed by one stupid decision. I don't think I can live with such burden. 

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

It's all my fault. I got too good, too confident. I wanted more as I always did. More and more. No stability. No balance. I should just leave my healing alone and use natural treatments. 

 

I deserve to die, I destroyed myself 4 times in one year. I deserve it. 

[pinciukas]

1 hour ago, serotoninsyndromesufferer said:

It's all my fault. I got too good, too confident. I wanted more as I always did. More and more. No stability. No balance. I should just leave my healing alone and use natural treatments. 

 

I deserve to die, I destroyed myself 4 times in one year. I deserve it. 

Why you don't trying to think more positive? Healing happen not in one week or month...

[serotoninsyndromesufferer]

Thank you for support.

 

Although what I say is rather accurate. I couldnt heal from previous damage, improve to some degree, but not heal for sure. Now, what happened to me is just insane, it is a horror story, beyond imagination. It's not about being positive, I just know that this damage is irreversible, I won't heal from this. I've been already through 3 adverse reactions, I thought I won't go back to where I was. It was not true. I am much, much worse than I was.

 

I just want this thread and my sorry to be something that people will read when being tempted to try some chemicals to improve their state. Drug damage cant be healed or helped by another drug. 

[Cathy4]

Sero,

You are still young.  Our brains/bodies have an amazing capacity to heal, though it can take time.  Hang in there and give yourself another chance.  
Cathy