Enid: rapid cycling - manic, depressive episodes

[Enid]

I believe I’m experiencing rapid cycling. Manic episodes alternated by depressive episodes. I’m thinking it is caused by the fairly high (for me) dose of Effexor. I'm on 112.5mg. One moment I will be very restless and terribly anxious and within a few hours, I am deeply depressed. (It can take longer; it can take up to a day for the depression to come back.)
I’ve had an antidepressant (Paxil) induced episode 21 years ago. The psychiatrist put me on mood stabilizers, and I stayed on them for the next twenty years. I went off Lithium about a year ago, with the help of a psychiatrist and naturopath.
I tried to go off Effexor, started mid 2018, but didn’t know about this group yet and I went off too fast and ended up in Psychiatry in April/May 2019. I reinstated after that, but I haven’t stabilized yet. It’s been a tough road.
Now what do I do? My dose of Effexor is too high, it is maybe the cause of me going manic. But it’s not advisable to withdraw when one isn’t stable yet.
I’m not sure what is best. Do I stay on my current dose or withdraw? I sure hope I won’t go into a full blown manic state! I prefer not to go back on Lithium though.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Enid and welcome to SA,

 

To get you started it would be helpful if we have the details of your drug history.  The easiest way is for your complete your drug signature which will show up below every post you make and allows us to see it at a glance.

 

Once we have this information we will be better able to offer suggestions and give you the relevant information.

 

 

Please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[Enid]

Thank you, ChessieChat! I created a signature. I hope it helps to give you a better picture.

[Enid]

I’m not so sure if I’ve been experiencing manic episodes or not. I definitely have a weird pattern going of bad and better days. This pattern started on August 1st. I had a better day, was exhausted at bedtime and couldn’t get out of bed the next day. I ended up lying in bed a lot the next day, feeling depressed. That evening of August 2nd, I started feeling better by the time it was nine o’ clock. I didn’t want to go to sleep really because I still had lots of energy and I was finally feeling better that day. Went to bed at 9:30 (my usual bedtime) anyway, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I went out of bed and ate lots of snack foods. Organized some photo albums. Finally fell asleep sometime in the early morning. Then I had a pretty good day on August 3rd, despite not having slept much. Was really tired that evening so I went to bed early. Slept really well, but couldn’t get up the next morning. And so on....

Then from August 15 through 27 I had almost all bad days in a row. Then on August 28 the pattern of alternating good and bad days started again.

I wish I would stabilize. I so badly want to start coming off Effexor!!

[Sassenach]

Hello Enid

 

Thank you for your drug signature.

 

Why did you increase Venlafaxine from May onwards.

On 9/4/2019 at 12:20 PM, Enid said:

But it’s not advisable to withdraw when one isn’t stable yet.

This is true but the increase could risk Kindling.

Your CNS (central nervius system) is in disarray because of the drug and dose changes.

We need to try and achieve a balance to allow you to taper properly.

This needs one of our senior mods and I will refer this to them.

They are not often online on a weekend so it may be monday before they get back to you.

In the meantime take your medication at the current dose and time.

the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

Sassenach

 

[Enid]

Thank you, Sassenach, for referring my post to one of the senior mods.

I’m still trying to find my way around SA.

 

I increased my dose of Venlafaxine from May onwards because my psychiatrist recommended it. I just wasn’t coping with the depression and anxiety and I was feeling suicidal. He said that it was good that I had tried to taper but now we know that I ‘obviously need to be on this medication’. He even wanted me to go up higher. That’s when I refused and that’s when he didn’t want to see me anymore. Because I didn’t want to go on the dose of 150mg that he told me to. He said that if I end up back in the hospital they will force me on this dose. I’m praying I won’t get back into the hospital. I’m just seeing my GP and naturopath since this past June. 

 

Edited September 6, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[ChessieCat]

5 hours ago, Enid said:

He said that it was good that I had tried to taper but now we know that I ‘obviously need to be on this medication’.

 

again-chemical-imbalance-is-a-myth-stop-the-lies-please

 

[Altostrata]

On 9/4/2019 at 4:20 AM, Enid said:

I believe I’m experiencing rapid cycling. Manic episodes alternated by depressive episodes. I’m thinking it is caused by the fairly high (for me) dose of Effexor. I'm on 112.5mg. One moment I will be very restless and terribly anxious and within a few hours, I am deeply depressed. (It can take longer; it can take up to a day for the depression to come back.)
I’ve had an antidepressant (Paxil) induced episode 21 years ago. The psychiatrist put me on mood stabilizers, and I stayed on them for the next twenty years. I went off Lithium about a year ago, with the help of a psychiatrist and naturopath.
I tried to go off Effexor, started mid 2018, but didn’t know about this group yet and I went off too fast and ended up in Psychiatry in April/May 2019. I reinstated after that, but I haven’t stabilized yet. It’s been a tough road.
Now what do I do? My dose of Effexor is too high, it is maybe the cause of me going manic. But it’s not advisable to withdraw when one isn’t stable yet.
I’m not sure what is best. Do I stay on my current dose or withdraw? I sure hope I won’t go into a full blown manic state! I prefer not to go back on Lithium though.

 

Hello, Enid.

 

The language of bipolar disorder doesn't mean much to us here, we don't go by diagnoses. What do you mean by "manic"? What do you mean by "depressive"? What happened when you went off Paxil? Why did you go on Effexor?

 

It appears you developed withdrawal syndrome in April from reducing venlafaxine. How did increasing the dose again change your symptom pattern?

 

Effexor itself might be causing your symptoms, or you could be still suffering withdrawal syndrome, which comes in waves.

 

We need to track your symptom pattern. What times of day do you take your drugs, and their dosages? Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. You can post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right.

 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day.

 

Example:

 

DATE:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

[Enid]

September 7, 2019
(Difficult day. Lots of anxiety and little motivation. Felt anxious and depressed throughout the day.)
9:30 went to bed 
10:15 couldn’t sleep, went to the kitchen and ate an embarrassing amount of cookies
2:00 went back to bed and fell asleep immediately 

September 8, 2019

6:30 Woke up with mild anxiety 
7:00 Got up, journaled
7:30 took 112.5mg Effexor
7:45 breakfast (protein/veggies)
8:00 tea with 1/2 Tbsp. inositol
8:30 half hour fast bike ride
9:00 family time, feeling excited
10:00 marriage business meeting
10:30 driving lesson with son/ grocery shop/ beach walk
12:30 took 225mg L-Theanine, and digestive enzyme, and 10mg Lithium Orotate (a supplement)
12:35 lunch (tuna/avocado sandwich)
1:00 cramping, day 1 of menstrual cycle
2:30 feeling tired
2:45 cup of hot chocolate
5:30 digestive enzyme, 400mg Magnesium Glycenate
5:45 supper
6:15 tea with 1/2 Tbsp inositol
9:55 went to bed
(It was a good day. I’m quite encouraged by the help I am going to get from the kind people at SA.)

[Enid]

Thank you, Altostrata, for your response and for asking me some great questions. Some of the questions are difficult for me to answer. I have been trying to go through some of my old journals to see if I can infer what happened when I went off Paxil and why I went on Effexor. I haven’t found this information yet, but I will continue searching through my journals tomorrow to see if I can find anything.

 

I love that the language of bipolar disorder doesn’t mean much here. I grew up in a different country and my mother was/is diagnosed bipolar with psychoses and I took care of her since I was in Kindergarten. I was told to expect to have bipolar as well and learned to watch out for bipolar ‘symptoms’ and to be vigilant and obedient about taking prescribed medications. I have been terrified of ever going into a full blown manic episode which I have experienced my mom having many times. I find it so freeing that I can throw the bipolar language out of the window here. It will be a process for me to get used to different terms though. 

 

What do I mean with the terms manic and depressive? Well, a MANIC EPISODE is when I feel like I can take on the whole world, make lots of plans and arrangements, more then I can fulfil, talk a lot (to strangers) and switch topics quickly when talking. A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE means I’m acting slow,  thinking slow, sleeping more, can’t get out of bed, lie on the couch, can’t do simple tasks, everything seems overwhelming, cry lots.

I also experience ANXIOUS EPISODES. I feel lots of anxiety in my stomach, my body feels like is buzzing, I panic and scream at times, breathe quickly, pace, etc. 

 

Increasing the dose of Effexor in May and again in June didn’t improve my symptom pattern. However, I’m doing better overall now then I was in June. The bad days aren’t as severe as they were back in June. I’m having better ‘good days’ and more ‘good days’ now. 

 

Like I said a couple of days ago, I have had two weeks of alternating good/bad days, starting August 1st (This was approximately on day 12 of my menstrual cycle) Then from day 1 through day 12 of my menstrual cycle I had pretty much all bad days. Then from day 13 through 24 I had alternating good/bad days again. Tomorrow will be day 2 of my menstrual cycle. Hoping that it won’t mirror my pattern of last months menstrual cycle.

 

I am very excited that you guys are working with me to try and figure out why I am having this cycling happening. I having hope again. 

[Enid]

September 9, 2019

 

1:30 AM back to bed

 

5:45 AM woke but stayed in bed

7:25 got up

7:30 took 112.5mg ofEffexor

7:45 breakfast (oatmeal)

8:00 tea with half Tbsp inositol

10:00 starting to feel more tired and wanting to hide in bed

Quite heavy menstrual flow this morning. 

10:45 cried hard for 20-30 minutes 

11:20 went to bed, stayed in bed for 90 minutes 

1:00 PM l-theanine and Lithium Orotate

1:05 lunch

Cannot concentrate today. Tired. Feeling incompetent to do anything.

1:25 back to bed, stayed in bed for three and a half hours

Feeling down. Struggling with suicidal thoughts. 

 

Edited September 9, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Enid]

It is a difficult day and I’m feeling down and depressed. A big difference with yesterday.

My naturopath just emailed me and recommended doubling the dose of Lithium Orotate to 20mg. She’s ok with me trying to start a small taper. I’m quite eager to get started with tapering. But I don’t want to do it wrong. 

Im not getting anything accomplished today and I’m feeling incompetent, so I might not be able to count beads today. But maybe tomorrow?

Please let me know what you advice me to do.

[ChessieCat]

Please do not make any changes until Alto, who is this site's founder, gets back to you.  She needs to review your symptoms notes.  Please continue to post them.

[ChessieCat]

25 minutes ago, Enid said:

Quite heavy menstrual flow this morning. 

 

Some of how you are feeling at this time may be related to this.

[Enid]

September 9, 2019

 

5:00 PM supper

5:20 digestive enzyme and 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

5:20 cried hard for ten minutes, feeling exhausted, maybe from the heavy menstrual flow. Looking up against everything.

5:30 sleepy tea with inositol

5:45 lied down on couch for an hour

6:45 feeling nauseous

7:00 took 260mg activated charcoal

7:00 applied 667mg transdermal iron

7:00 went to bed for the night, slept most of the night, only waking to use the bathroom two times. 

 

September 10, 2019

6:00 AM woke, but stayed in bed. Feeling anxious.

[Enid]

7:00AM I’m still in bed, feeling anxious, to the point of feeling nauseous. Afraid to start the day. I don’t want this anxiety to turn into depression and feel that deep depression again.

 

I need to get up and out of bed. I should take a shower but even that seems like a huge task.

I need to bring my children to school today.

[Enid]

September 10, 2019

6:00 AM woke, but stayed in bed. Feeling anxious.

7:00 got up, very anxious, cannot concentrate

7:30 112.5mg Effexor

7:45 breakfast (eggs, greens, avocado)

8:30 shower, cried through it

9:00 dropped children off at school

9:20 went to school meeting with friend

Hard time concentrating. Feeling uneasy. 

11:15 CBT course at Mental Health

1:30PM took 225mg L-Theanine, and digestive enzyme, and 10mg Lithium

1:35PM lunch (toast, avocado, turkey, greens)

Cried hard for 5 minutes, cannot concentrate or focus on anything. 

2:35 picked children up from school

4:00 still very hard time concentrating

5:00 counselling, felt a little better

6:30 dinner out with family, felt pretty good during dinner

7:00 took digestive enzyme and 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

8:00 home from dinner out, felt sad and anxious

9:00 felt a bit better again after the kids were in bed, had the clarity of mind to figure out some finances

10:15 took 260mg activated charcoal

10:15 applied 667mg transdermal iron

10:15 went to bed for the night

 

[Enid]

September 10, 2019

11:00 PM grabbed my phone and scrolled FB because I couldn’t sleep

11:30 got up to go bathroom

11:40 ate some tortilla chips

 

September 11, 2019

 

12:10AM went back to bed and fell asleep within 10 minutes 

5:20 Woke up feeling anxious

5:30 Tried deep breathing and praying. Tried to fall back to sleep, but not successful 

7:15 Got up crying

7:30 took 112.5mg Effexor

7:40 breakfast (oatmeal with hemp hearts), hard to eat, feeling nauseous from anxiety 

7:50 herbal tea with inositol

8:50 went for a short walk and sat outside, but felt nauseous 

9:40 went to lie in bed, for two and a half hours, feeling nauseous and anxious 

12:30PM took 10 mg Lithium, 225mg L theanine and digestive enzyme. 

12:30 lunch (banana, cucumber, turkey)

12:45 laid on couch for 70 minutes

1:15 feeling exhausted and anxious, also bloated

1:45 stomach pain, anxious

2:00 responded to some emails while lying on couch, still anxious but feeling a little bit better then before

2:10 ate small apple, lots of stomach sounds/rumbling

3:15 went for short walk to playground, still feeling anxious

4:10 cried when my 6 year old yelled at me

5:20 sore stomach 

5:30 cried while making myself a sandwich, I’m feeling overwhelmed 

5:40 took digestive enzyme and 400mg magnesium glycenate

5:45 supper (pb sandwich)

5:50 sore stomach/abdomen, no energy/motivation to make anything else for supper

5:50 laid on couch all evening, reading somewhat 

8:45 took activated charcoal

9:00 went to bed early, feeling sad and disappointed about having had such a tough day, still sore stomach

 

 

 

Edited September 12, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[ChessieCat]

When the font comes up large (I'm assuming that you have copied and pasted it from a text document) you can select all (Ctrl A) then paste (Ctrl V) and at the bottom of the reply box you can click on "paste as plain text".  Please note that this will remove any bold or italic from the fonts.

 

If that option doesn't appear you might have to submit the post first then edit it.  And then do what I said above, which would be the same as what I just did.

[Enid]

September 12, 2019

(Fell asleep in less then an hour last night)

1:45 AM woke, lots of fast thinking, many different topics, fell asleep about 45 minutes later

6:30 AM woke, feeling depressed

7:10 AM got up

7:20  breakfast (cereal) and herbal tea with 1/2 tablespoon inositol 

7:30 112.5mg Effexor

7:40 back in bed, husband stayed home from work to look after children and me 

9:30 still in bed, no energy, feeling depressed and anxious at the same time

12:30 PM pulled some hair out (anxiety symptom) still in bed, no energy

12:50 took took 225mg L-Theanine, and digestive enzyme, and 10mg Lithium

1:00 husband made me lunch (soup and cheese toast)

1:15 back in bed, no energy, 3 more hours, slept on and off

4:15 got dressed while crying

4:30 sore stomach

5:00 counselling, felt a little better

6:00 took digestive enzyme 

6:00 dinner out

7:20 took 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

7:40 herbal tea with 1/2 Tbsp inositol 

Feeling exhausted 

8:45 applied 667mg transdermal iron

9:15 took 260mg activated charcoal

9:30 went to bed

[Enid]

Today has been day #6 in my menstrual cycle and the fifth very bad day in a row.

 

*A good day is when I’m able to focus and get things done, feel relatively calm and happy for the majority of the day.

*A bad day is when I feel depressed, anxious and can’t focus and often can’t get out of bed, for the majority of the day. 

 

I wonder if my low iron levels have to do with how I feel. My Ferretin is 5, which is very low and it has been around 5 for the past year and a half. I recently tested positive for SIBO and the naturopath figures that this infection kills the iron.

 

The naturopath gave me some Progesterone cream to apply on day #13-26 of my menstruated cycle. She didn’t do any testing to see what my levels are. She gave it as something to try and see if it makes me feel better.

 

I’ve been tracking my good and bad days since August 4 (which was day #11 of my cycle) and I noticed a bit of a pattern. It seems like I have better days towards the end of my menstrual cycle. I put it all in a chart below. 

 

What do you guys think, does this pattern mean anything?

 

Day #11	Aug. 4	Bad Day
12	Aug. 5	Good Day
13	Aug. 6	Bad
14	Aug. 7	Bad
15	Aug. 8	Good
16	Aug. 9	Bad
17	Aug. 10	Good
18	Aug. 11	Bad
19	Aug. 12	Good
20	Aug. 13	Bad
Day #1	Aug. 14	Good
2	Aug. 15	Bad
3	Aug. 16	Bad
4	Aug. 17	Bad
5	Aug. 18	Bad
6	Aug. 19	Good
7	Aug. 20	Bad
8	Aug. 21	Bad
9	Aug. 22	Bad
10	Aug. 23	Bad
11	Aug. 24	Good
12	Aug. 25	Bad
13	Aug. 26	Bad
14	Aug. 27	Bad
15	Aug. 28	Good
16	Aug. 29	Good
17	Aug. 30	Bad
18	Aug. 31	Good
19	Sep. 1	Bad
20	Sep. 2	Good
21	Sep. 3	Bad
22	Sep. 4	Good
23	Sep. 5	Bad
24	Sep. 6	Good
25	Sep. 7	Bad
Day #1	Sep. 8	Good
2	Sep. 9	Bad
3	Sep. 10	Bad
4	Sep. 11	Bad
5	Sep. 12	Bad
6	Sep. 13	Bad

 

Edited September 14, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Enid]

September 13, 2019

 

Woke several times in the night.

7:30AM 112.5mg Effexor

7:35 breakfast (cereal)

7:40 depressed, no energy, back to bed

11:10 small ‘lunch’ (“banana and celery stalks)

11:15 herbal tea with 1/2 Tbsp inositol

11:20 depressed, anxious, back to bed

2:10PM took 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium

2:10 Got dressed, after lying in bed all morning. Very depressed and anxious and no energy.

3:00 husband took me for a drive and short walk

4:45 took 400mg Magnesium Glycenate and digestive enzyme

4:50 ate dinner (chicken, rice, corn)

6:30 cried for 15 minutes 

6:45 so tired, anxious and depressed

8:00 felt a little bit better

8:30 avocado toast and sleepy tea with 1/2 Tbsp inositol. 

9:30 applied 667mg transdermal iron

9:30 took 260mg activated charcoal 

10:00 went to bed, feeling a bit more hopeful. 

 

[Enid]

September 13

 

10:25PM got up, too excited to sleep

10:30 ate some cookies, etc.

 

September 14

 

12:50AM feeling restless, excited, nauseous and have a sore stomach 

1:00 tried to sleep again

3:10 too excited and restless, still not sleeping

5:00 didn’t sleep all night. Got up and did some cleaning up. Anxious, irritable, agitated.

7:00 digestive enzyme
7:05 breakfast (eggs, chicken, avocado,spinach)

7:15 herbal tea with inositol

7:20 112.5mg Effexor

7:30 went swimming

11:30 went shopping

12:30PM took digestive enzymes, 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium Orotate

12:40PM lunch (yogurt with cereal, cheese and tomato toast)

1:50 tired, but restless

2:00 started a new knitting project

4:00 tired, but restless, anxious

5:00 took 400mg Magnesium Glycenate and digestive enzyme

5:05 supper (meatloaf, sweet potato, veggies)

6:00 went for a long walk in the rain

6:30 exhausted, restless, anxious

9:30 applied 667mg transdermal iron

9:30 took 260mg activated charcoal

9:50 went to bed, anxious 

(it has been a better day with lots of underlying anxiety and agitation. Tried to not overdo it and hopefully save some energy for tomorrow)

 

[Enid]

September 15, 2019

(Slept well, woke once, went bathroom and went back to sleep.)

7:30 took 112.5mg Effexor

Very anxious, back to bed without breakfast

8:30 digestive enzyme

8:30 breakfast 

Crying, anxious.

9:30 back to bed, for 3 1/2 hours 

1:00PM lunch 

1:10 took digestive enzymes, 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium Orotate

Crying, anxious, no focus/brain fog

2:30 drove daughter to grocery store

Trouble concentrating, confused 

3:30 too overwhelmed to go into store

3:45 depressed, worried, suicidal thoughts

4:00 uncontrolled crying spell, about 10 minutes

4:30 suicidal thoughts, tried to change my thinking

5:30 took digestive enzymes 

5:35 supper (spaghetti)

5:45 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

5:50 cannot focus, unable to write even these notes, had to do this the next day

5:50 went to bed, feeling suicidal

9:00 got up to brush teeth, took 260mg activated charcoal

[Enid]

September 16, 2019

 

(Slept all night, 8 hours)

6:00AM woke

6:40 got up

7:00 did some journaling

Made my own breakfast, terribly anxious 

7:50 112.5mg Effexor

7:50 breakfast and herbal tea with 3/4 Tbsp inositol 

Very anxious, trembling, feeling like I need to scream, overwhelmed

8:30 crying spell

8:45 drove to drop off son

9:30 went swimming with daughter, felt uneasy and anxious

11:30 crying spell

12:10PM trouble concentrating, anxious and depressed, tired

1:00 took digestive enzymes, 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium Orotate

1:10 lunch

2:30 feeling a little bit less anxious, still lots of trouble concentrating and confused as well

5:00 cried while putting my burger together. Overwhelmed. Bothersome intrusive thoughts. 

5:05 took 400mg Magnesium Glycenate and digestive enzyme

5:05 supper (burger)

7:30 herbal tea with 3/4 Tbsp inositol

8:00 felt a bit better, a bit less anxiety and able to concentrate a bit better

9:40 took 260mg activated charcoal

9:45 applied 667mg transdermal iron

9:50 went to bed

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Enid. Do you feel better or worse after you take Effexor in the morning?

 

How about the lithium in the afternoon?

 

Are you weepy because you're scared?

[Enid]

Thank you so very much, Altostrata, for looking more into my case.

 

I feel I have more anxiety after taking Effexor. So I feel a bit worse most days, after taking Effexor.

 

I usually feel a bit calmer after taking Lithium Orotate and L-Theanine in the afternoon.

 

When I’m weepy, it’s often at times I feel overwhelmed. Often by simple tasks like preparing a sandwich. I do feel some fear gripping me. Fear of not knowing how to possibly do all the different things involved with the task.

 

Another time I’m weepy is when I have been trying to do things while I’m feeling anxious. Then I kind of burst into tears to release some tension perhaps. But this even happens when the anxiety builds up while I’m lying in bed, and then I cry as I get up. 

 

Do you think I should start tapering the Effexor?

[Enid]

September 17, 2019

 

(Picked up my phone because I felt too hyper, shortly after I went to bed. Then got up after half an hour)

 

12:30 AM ate way too much sugary stuff

1:50AM went back to bed (stayed out way too long, reading on SA)

4:35AM finally fell asleep

6:30AM woke, feeling anxious

7:40AM took 112.5mg Effexor

7:45 tea with 3/4 Tbsp inositol and breakfast (oatmeal with hempseeds)

8:00 Overwhelmed and tired

9:30 Feeling mostly relaxed

11:00 Feeling accomplished

12:00 took digestive enzyme. Lunch (sandwich)

1:15PM Super sleepy and tired

1:20 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium Orotate

1:20 Went for brisk half hour walk, feeling better

3:00 dentist appointment, quite anxious

4:30 took digestive enzyme

5:00 counselling appointment, feeling quite well

6:00 went shopping

6:30 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

Feeling tired and a little irritated, but quite happy and relaxed, 

8:30 shower

9:30 applied 667mg transdermal iron and took 260 mg activated charcoal

9:35 went to bed

 

[Enid]

September 18, 2019

 

6:30AM woke, feeling ok

7:40AM took 112.5mg Effexor

7:45 tea with 3/4 Tbsp inositol and breakfast (yogurt with muesli)

8:00 Overwhelmed, anxious, wanting to go back to bed, but pushing through anyways

10:00 Went for a 90 minute hike, feeling anxious, uneasy and depressed 

11:30 lunch

12:30 took 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium Orotate

12:35 laid on couch for 40 minutes, feeling depressed 

1:15 Picked up children from school, had to drive lots

4:00 Lied on couch

5:00 Took digestive enzyme

5:05 Supper (eggs, cheese, orange juice) felt very depressed still

6:30 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

Very depressed and really hard time concentrating and focussing. Confused. 

9:30 applied 667mg transdermal iron and took 260 mg activated charcoal

9:35 went to bed

[Enid]

On 9/8/2019 at 10:11 AM, Altostrata said:

What happened when you went off Paxil? Why did you go on Effexor?

I'm not sure what happened. I didn't keep very good track of it. I did find all kind of fragmented information in my old journals, and it appears that I went off and on paxil several times. I don't know why exactly I went on Effexor. I think the four different psychiatrists I've seen over the past twenty years, just tried me on different medication every so often because I wasn't doing well on the current ones.

 

When going through old journals, I also found all kinds of other medication mentioned that I had been on. It doesn't say, however, for how long I was on the different medications, so I don't think it is helpful to add to my 'signature'. I will make a separate post of the fragmented information I found about the different drugs I've been on.

 

Altostrata, I badly want to get off the Effexor. I know I might not manage without antidepressants, but I'm not managing on them either. I am feeling so very depressed and suicidal at times. During bad moments I think of all the years I have dealt with depression and that I probably will struggle with it forever. I just want to give up then. Thankfully I have some better moments too, but I have more bad times. Do you think I should start tapering the Effexor? Or do I need to be stable first? I don't know if I will ever get stable.

[Enid]

@ChessieCat, I have found the following information about drugs I've taken. It is far from complete. Do you think I should add it to my drug signature? If so, shall I add it as is, or in a different format? Should I add a note to my drug signature that I also took (anti depressant) drugs on the missing years, but I don't know which ones?

 

Oxazepam, 2019

Zopiclone/Rhovane, 2019, 2003, 2002

Lorazepam/Ativan, 2018, 2014, 2010

Propranolol, 2015

Lithium Carbonate, 2014, 2012, 2011, 2006, 2004
Venlafaxine, 2014, 2012

Ranitidine, 2014, 2011

Clonazepam, 2013, 2011

Rabeprazole, 2013

Paxil/Paroxetine, 2011, 2010, 2006, 2004, 2003, 2000, 1999, 1998

Cytomil, 2011

Prozac, 2011

Lamotrigine/Lamictal, 2011

Cipralex, 2011

Seroquel/Quetiapine 2011, 2010

Novo-Divalproex, 2010, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2000

Clonazepam, 2010, 2003, 2002

Wellbutrin SR, 2006, 2004, 2003

Epival, 2003, 2000, 1999, 1998

Zyprexa/Olanzapine, 2003

Nozinan, 2003, 2002

Risperdal/Risperidone, 2002

Benztropine, 2002

[Enid]

September 19, 2019

 

(Slept all night, except woke once to go bathroom.)

6:45 woke, but stayed in bed. Feeling depressed

7:55AM took Effexor

8:00 breakfast in bed

8:30 tea with 3/4Tbsp inositol in bed

1:00PM stayed in bed all morning and early afternoon (until 3PM) Feeling depressed and unmotivated. Can’t get out of bed. Wanting to die. 

3:00 lunch, cried through it

3:15 took 225mg L-Theanine and 10mg Lithium Orotate

4:00 feeling a little bit better

5:00 supper

5:30 400mg Magnesium Glycenate

7:00 biked with the kids, feeling a little better, but still shaken from suicidal thinking earlier today

9:30 took liquid iron

Feeling a bit better

11:15 went to bed

[Altostrata]

Can you explain more about what "depression" feels like to you right now?

[Enid]

46 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Can you explain more about what "depression" feels like to you right now?

I’m feeling happy and energetic since last night. I wasn’t even able to sleep.

 

But during the 48 hours before that I felt different. When I am depressed it feels as if I have no energy. I have no desire to get up or do anything. I am almost incapable of getting up. And when I do move, I move slower and don’t feel confident. I can’t concentrate and have a hard time focusing. I have a really hard time formulating coherent sentences. I just want to lie in bed and curl up under the blankets and disengage from the world and my body. I try not to think. But I will worry a lot about unnecessary things. I feel uneasy. No hope. And it seems like I have felt that way my whole life and will always have such a hard time. Which makes me want to die. I don’t want to eat or drink. I even stop having bowel movements, for the most part. I am just lying still and hoping I will die. I also get teary when I get up, because every little task is so overwhelming and I feel stressed and am full of tension. The crying releases some tension. 

[Altostrata]

How does this "cycling" relate to your menstrual schedule?

 

To the extent that you make yourself sadder when you feel poorly, please use these techniques to stay as calm as possible:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

When you add worries -- which are perfectly normal -- to any adverse effects you might be feeling from the drugs, it makes it hard to tell which are your emotions and which are drug-induced symptoms.