Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[mustafa]

4 minutes ago, Rhiannon said:

Erell, I know it's frustrating. But think how it would be if you had a brain injury from a bad fall, from a concussion. You would be more patient and understanding with yourself.

 

Your brain is healing. Even a broken bone doesn't heal overnight, and our bones know how to heal because evolution has encountered broken bones before. But these chemicals are something evolution has never encountered before. So our brains don't really have efficient mechanisms for healing. 

 

The process is not efficient. It takes time. But I assure you, I have seen many people heal, and over time everyone improves, although it often takes much longer than they had planned.

 

My suggestions:  Be patient with yourself. Do as much as you can. A few times a week do something that you feel that you cannot do.  (We can almost always do more than we feel is possible.) The rest of the time nurture yourself and do what feels safe. I find this balance is the best for growth, for me.

 

Keep walking, keep doing exercises that alternate the sides of your body. There is some evidence this is helpful for neurological healing.

 

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. I'm glad you have a place you can do that.

Dear rhiannon, 

Do you have any information about any researches done to help us heal faster?

I hope the psychiatrists who agree with us about WDs can research that case.

[Erell]

Dear Rhiannon, 

 

Thank you for taking the time To write here, I really appreciate you and your kindness!

17 minutes ago, Rhiannon said:

Erell, I know it's frustrating. But think how it would be if you had a brain injury from a bad fall, from a concussion. You would be more patient and understanding with yourself.

You're right. Maybe some of my impatience comes from all the pressure I have from those around me, that's why I'm isolating.

 

We probably all underestimate the time it takes for our brains To stabilise.

 

Thank you for letting me express here ❤

 

Big hugs 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

 

Well, I can tell that I don't see the point of my life : waiting since 3 months for the day To end, without the ability To Feel pleasure or joy. How To find the impetus To keep on going through days ? How To keep on getting up every morning ?

 

3 months feels like a very long time when you are in it, for sure.

 

But if you look at it in the context of your whole life and how long you might live, it's only a small fraction of time.

 

This is what I keep reminding myself when I get anxious about 'how long it has been.'

 

So much of life is about making meaning, and you are beginning a (very bumpy) journey back to your true, unmedicated self. That is the point right now...unfortunately it's not much fun at the moment, but as you stabilise and taper, that will change. 

 

There's no magic solution to how to get up every morning except....get up. If you write that book and / or work with people, the experience you are having now will be very valuable to others, and very strengthening for you, although also very tiring at the moment. You're doing really well. 

 

Sending good wishes for a restful sleep and a better day tomorrow xxx xxx

[Vegalia]

Chère @Erell 

 

Personne ne vit les choses de la même façon.

Mais je te comprends...

Toutes les journées se suivent, se ressemblent. Impression de tourner en rond et pas vraiment vivre, malgré les efforts, souffrance en plus.

 

J'ai un témoignage d'une personne depuis 30 ans sous psychotropes dont 2 ans internee en hôpital psychiatrique.

Elle a eu AD et plusieurs sevrages brutaux , neuroleptiques fortes doses, benzo divers... Elle a dû réapprendre à marcher, à parler, à combattre 36 démons, accepter. 

Il lui reste un benzo à finir de sevrer, pas toujours facile.

Elle a un travail de deuil à faire aussi. 

Mais elle travaille, elle vit ! Elle sourit.

 

Alors, tu as le droit de te plaindre. Moi-même jamais je ne me suis plainte autant ! Il faut évacuer les choses 

 

Solidarité et espoir mon amie ! 

 

Bisous. ❤️

 

vega 

 

 

Dear @Erell

 

Nobody lives things the same way.

But I understand you ...

All the days follow each other, are alike. Impression to go around in circles and not really live, despite the efforts, suffering and more.

 

I have a testimony of a person for 30 years under psychotropic including 2 years interned in psychiatric hospital.

She had AD and several brutal weaning, high dose neuroleptics, various benzo ... She had to relearn how to walk, talk, fight 36 demons, accept.

He still has a benzo to finish weaning, not always easy.

She has a grieving job to do too.

But she works, she lives! She smiles.

 

So, you have the right to complain. I have never complained so much myself! We must evacuate things

 

Solidarity and hope my friend!

 

Kisses. ❤️

 

vega

 

[MissyE]

Thinking of you. 

Stay strong. 

Missy x

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell, good morning.Sending warm wishes your way for a better day xxxxx

[Erell]

Thank you very much dear Vegalia, Sunny and Missy for yoursupportive words, they are always very appreciated ❤

 

Diary Friday 6 December/ day 73 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious 

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5

10.30am: Cry, huge sadness. It Will last around 30 minutes. Dizziness. 

12 : 500mg Evening primrose oil. 

Anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5/ despair: 5. Still dizziness. 

2pm : Still 5 scores. Tried To go To stores, but cried in my car for about minutes, feeling huge depressed feelings. 

All afternoon after this 30minutes dark place : Scores at 5.

8pm : bedtime. Scores at 5.

10pm : Scores at 4. Lights off at 10.30pm, fall asleep around 11pm. 

Sweet night of sleep, woke up this morning at 7.30am with the alarm. 

 

 

---》 less dizziness on Saturday.

 

 

---》 It Feels like if this week my body is trying slowly To reach a 4 level of symptoms, but there is still work To do

I keep on trying to help him with walking, meditating, and good nights of sleep.

 

Wish you all a Nice day ❤

Edited December 7, 2019 by Sassenach
corrected day

[Sunnyday]

 

11 minutes ago, Erell said:

It Feels like if this week my body is trying slowly To reach a 4 level of symptoms, but there is still work To do

I keep on trying to help him with walking, meditating, and good nights of sleep.

 

Wish you all a Nice day ❤

 

Hi Erell. That's such an optimistic way to see it with your body trying to get better and I'm sure you will reach your 4's soon enough. I would try to separate the impatience of the people around you from yourself if possible, but I know that's difficult to do. It can have a big effect on the mood, it definitely did for me. 

I hope your day will be a bit better today. Take care of you.

[Sunnyday]

22 hours ago, Guilietta said:

I had this experience too yesterday.  I think there is sadness and anger and lack of undenrstanding - yet plenty of criticism on how I managng my situation and my expeerience. Even though I feel their criticism as rejection - I like to think it is a way of showing love and concern for me. But they do not have the facts and live with this day in,day out, etc. We need be strong and hold to our paths and it is not easy to believe in ourselves.

That is a really nice way of putting it. Thank you Guilietta (I will keep this in mind myself as well) .

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Sunnyday said:

 

 

Hi Erell. That's such an optimistic way to see it with your body trying to get better and I'm sure you will reach your 4's soon enough. I would try to separate the impatience of the people around you from yourself if possible, but I know that's difficult to do. It can have a big effect on the mood, it definitely did for me. 

I hope your day will be a bit better today. Take care of you.

 

This is very true, @Sunnyday. I'm even considering telling my nearest and dearest what to say eg both my mum and one of my best friends make comments like 'oh, it needs to resolve, you've had enough of that now' etc. They mean well, but it can make you feel terrible. I'm actually contemplating sending an email to my closest friends thanking them for their patience and checking in on me, but also requesting that they try to frame things positively with me, as that's how they can really help me

 

[Erell]

5 hours ago, Sunnyday said:

 I would try to separate the impatience of the people around you from yourself if possible, but I know that's difficult to do. It can have a big effect on the mood, it definitely did for me. 

 

You're right, it has a big effect on the mood ! Especially because as long as you're not back To "normal ", people only reflect a negative picture. It always makes me doubt of my progress : i'm glad that I have people on SA that can help me To see the progress !

 

Thank you for your kind support ❤

[Sassenach]

Hi you

 

How has today been?

 

Sass

[Giulietta]

21 hours ago, Vegalia said:

She has a grieving job to do too.

But she works, she lives! She smiles.

 

So, you have the right to complain. I have never complained so much myself!

 

Well put. Grieving, living, smiling and working.

 

We have the right to complain and are are all justifiably angry. These feelings are legitimate. There is nothing bad about them.

 

I like to think that I need my anger - even though it is not  necessarily positive thinking. Anger - channeled in the proper way - can drive us to make positive changes - for us and others. For example, your book. For Alto - just one of the things is this great website.

 

 

[Giulietta]

25 minutes ago, Erell said:

separate the impatience of the people around you from yourself if possible

 

Yes. If it is actually impatience - it is their problem. We are all doing our best for our recovery and while this helps - there are so many variables. It is very hard to advocate for ourselves - to assert ourselves and OUR NEEDS over making others feel comfortable (is that it is is?). 

 

[Giulietta]

6 hours ago, Sunnyday said:

plenty of criticism on how I managng my situation

 

Thank you for the kind words. I think their perception of this is exacerbated if they have also had to withdraw from long-term use (>12 mos) of addictive painkiller - and know others who have similarly suffered. While this person took a different path - ceasing rather abruptly and dealing with WD (person wouldln't discuss their experience) - that is clearly not the way for us and I indicated that I and others are paying the price.

 

I have no idea of how getting off narcotics differs from ADs or benzos.

 

 

[Erell]

30 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Hi you

 

How has today been?

 

Sass

 

Hi dear Sass 😊

Today I spent the day with scores oscillating between 4 and 5, and I didn't Feel the need To cry 😥 

So a decent day !

I managed To take a 1 hour gentle walk this morning, and To wander a bit in town this Afternoon.

Still hard because of anxiéty and agoraphobia, but i'm always pleased on the evening when I've been able To spend time outside during the day 😊

And I worked for about 2hours on my 'book' : don't know what this project Will be in the future but it Gives me the feeling To do something meaningfull, which is good for my mood! 😉

 

I've been close To get in a hairdresser shop this Afternoon, but didn't find the courage because of anxiety. But I take the desire as a good sign.

 

Oups, I'm chatty tonight ! 😉

 

How are you doing Sass? Must be pretty cold up there in Scotland!

 

22 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

 It is very hard to advocate for ourselves - to assert ourselves and OUR NEEDS over making others feel comfortable (is that it is is?). 

Yes it is. And : i'm trying To keep reminding the big picture, telling myself that a few months of stabilisation is not much in a life. But people around me keep telling me "How long" it takes.

I isolate myself because it Feels easier, even if lonelyness is not easy either.

 

 

Big hugs To you both 🤗

[Giulietta]

5 minutes ago, Erell said:

few months of stabilisation is not much in a life. But people around me keep telling me "How long" it takes.

I isolate myself because it Feels easier, even if lonelyness is not easy either.

 

Hello Sunshine,

 

Perhaps if we (both) try to look at stabilization as an opportunity to do things (a few of what are able to) instead of as a limiting factor (which admittedly it often is) we might feel better about it.

 

And perhaps this might help us 'position' or 'frame it' in a more positive way - that you are not a (total) victim. I don't know if any of this is remotely helpful.

 

More of my two cents for what it is worth Erell. Sometimes doing something tht feels easeir - being alone - is reinforces your feelings - which at this time seem to be mostly fear (I'm struggling with this too as you know). So - if you can try to get out like you did today - and see some people - a low risk interaction - that will bring you closer to feeling comfortable with others.

 

Today's comment about feeling interest in going to the hairdresser is a good one.

 

Also - can you (and I need to do this) - use cognitive behavioral techniques to learn about your agoraphobia? T his may help you overcome it  or get  closer to that.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

[Erell]

39 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

Also - can you (and I need to do this) - use cognitive behavioral techniques to learn about your agoraphobia? T his may help you overcome it  or get  closer to that.

 

Funny you talk about this because these past few days I was wondering if my agoraphobia was WD or not.

I think it definitely is as I only experienced it during my benzo WD, before now.

 

I've searched a lot on the internet and i've found some tools :

- try To expose myself regularly 

- visualising myself going well out 

- work on the fear of the fear (with mindfullness for example)

 

I do these things. everytime I go out I force myself, it never Feels easy.

 

If someone has other idea, I Will be pleased To try them 😊

 

hugs my friend❤

[Sunnyday]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

 

Funny you talk about this because these past few days I was wondering if my agoraphobia was WD or not.

I think it definitely is as I only experienced it during my benzo WD, before now.

 

I've searched a lot on the internet and i've found some tools :

- try To expose myself regularly 

- visualising myself going well out 

- work on the fear of the fear (with mindfullness for example)

 

I do these things. everytime I go out I force myself, it never Feels easy.

 

If someone has other idea, I Will be pleased To try them 😊

 

hugs my friend❤

So glad to hear your day was decent.

 

I have had issues with social anxiety (although the doctors always told me it wasn't the ''stereotypical'' kind, I guess I didn't fit their criteria). It got ten times worse during WD and many days I stood on the doorstep trying to find courage to leave the house but couldn't.

 

One small rule that has helped me some days is a 20 second rule. For example if I'm going to the store I am only allowed to think 20 seconds ahead. This makes it harder to imagine bad scenarios and create worries. I only focus on what I need to do for those coming 20 seconds and no further, which could be putting on my shoes and jacket for example. The next 20 seconds I focus on walking out to the road and keep walking (helps to set tiny goals during the walk so the mind doesn't wander too much, like reaching a certain building or some kind of checkpoint). It forces me to stay in the moment and I kinda just have to go along with what's happening. Sometimes it helps to narrow it down to 10 or 15 seconds. 

 

I don't know if this will help you but I think agoraphobia and social phobia can be similar in some ways. For me it also helped to remember that the intensity of it will be less when the withdrawal is over.

 

Hopefully tomorrow will be decent as well for you, or better. Take care.

[Erell]

@Sunnyday : thank you for this tip, I Will try it !

It is not easy To deal with it because I never had social anxiety and always loved To meet new people.

I've always need some lonelyness To find an equilibrium, but I also loved To be around people.

This strong agoraphobia is quite new and is what I struggle with most.

I force myself almost everyday, and I hope it Will settle down when anxiety level Will be lower.

 

 

Diary Saturday 7 December / day 74 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7.30am: woke up with thé alarme. 

10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5. Tinnitus. 

From 11am To 12 : Walked To market. Anxiety at 5. 

12 : 500mg evening primrose oil.

Anxiéty: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

Head in a vise. 

From 2.40pm To 4pm : wandered in town. Anxiety at 5.

5.30pm: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

8pm : bedtime.  Anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

Lights off at 10.15pm, feeling exhausted. Fall asleep around 11pm, woke up anxious this morning at 7am.

 

 

---》 Sometimes I wanna complain because I Feel stuck in these 4/5 days, and because I don't have Windows. 

But then I remember that one month ago I was doing the same but saying "I Feel stuck in these 5/6 days" !

Hopefully I'll soon reach 3's...😇

 

Agoraphobia and social anxiety is what troubles me the most now, trying To work on it.

 

--》 my parents start To ask me if I'm gonna be with them for Christmas. I don't know what To answer because the idea of spending night out of my bed makes me very anxious.

Even if my baseline is improving, I can't predict the future and know if I Will see more progress this month.

We'll see!

 

 

Wish you all a Nice day ❤

[Sunnyday]

@Erell I think you're doing really well going into town so often despite the anxiety!

[mustafa]

6 hours ago, Erell said:

@Sunnyday : thank you for this tip, I Will try it !

It is not easy To deal with it because I never had social anxiety and always loved To meet new people.

I've always need some lonelyness To find an equilibrium, but I also loved To be around people.

This strong agoraphobia is quite new and is what I struggle with most.

I force myself almost everyday, and I hope it Will settle down when anxiety level Will be lower.

 

 

Diary Saturday 7 December / day 74 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7.30am: woke up with thé alarme. 

10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5. Tinnitus. 

From 11am To 12 : Walked To market. Anxiety at 5. 

12 : 500mg evening primrose oil.

Anxiéty: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

Head in a vise. 

From 2.40pm To 4pm : wandered in town. Anxiety at 5.

5.30pm: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

8pm : bedtime.  Anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

Lights off at 10.15pm, feeling exhausted. Fall asleep around 11pm, woke up anxious this morning at 7am.

 

 

---》 Sometimes I wanna complain because I Feel stuck in these 4/5 days, and because I don't have Windows. 

But then I remember that one month ago I was doing the same but saying "I Feel stuck in these 5/6 days" !

Hopefully I'll soon reach 3's...😇

 

Agoraphobia and social anxiety is what troubles me the most now, trying To work on it.

 

--》 my parents start To ask me if I'm gonna be with them for Christmas. I don't know what To answer because the idea of spending night out of my bed makes me very anxious.

Even if my baseline is improving, I can't predict the future and know if I Will see more progress this month.

We'll see!

 

 

Wish you all a Nice day ❤

Hello erell, social anxiety is a result of your stress and anxiety( from withdrawald), when you settle down, everything will be ok.

Dont forget to remind yourself with good times, they would be a push.

How is winter in france?, we had alot of rains today; i was watching rains and listening music 😂.

How you handle? 

Have a good night dear ❤️.

[Erell]

1 hour ago, mustafa said:

How is winter in france?

Well I live in a region where we don't have very cold temperatures, or Snow.

Winter can be highly different from a region To another! For example, when I lived in mountains,  it was usual To see Snow in may 😉

 

1 hour ago, mustafa said:

Hello erell, social anxiety is a result of your stress and anxiety( from withdrawald), when you settle down, everything will be ok.

 

Thank you for saying this.  I've been (over)analysing  my agoraphobia a lot today... :

 

- i'm wondering if my actual agoraphobia is still WD or a new condition that I have To fight. Did my brain get used To be afraid of the outside or is my brain afraid of the outside because it is a WD symptom. 

 

- it Feels like agoraphobia doesnt improve or get worse : for example, when I was in my 5/6 days I went a lot on the seaside. But I haven't since a while, I can't.

I'm now in days with 4/5 level of anxiety, but it Feels like if agoraphobia is still hard, even harder. Couldn't go in a foodshop this week whereas I managed To other days. 

I drove To my parents home, and this week it seems utterly impossible...

 

 

My fear  : that my brain is traumatised and formatted To agoraphobia, and that even if I stabilise, agoraphobia Will still be a struggle.

 

My hope : that my agoraphobia is only a WD symptom and Will naturally fade.

 

 

I'm a bit obsessed by this...

if anyone has a clue I would be happy To read, but nothing urgent obviously 🤗

 

Good evening. 

[mustafa]

29 minutes ago, Erell said:

Well I live in a region where we don't have very cold temperatures, or Snow.

Winter can be highly different from a region To another! For example, when I lived in mountains,  it was usual To see Snow in may 😉

 

 

Thank you for saying this.  I've been (over)analysing  my agoraphobia a lot today... :

 

- i'm wondering if my actual agoraphobia is still WD or a new condition that I have To fight. Did my brain get used To be afraid of the outside or is my brain afraid of the outside because it is a WD symptom. 

 

- it Feels like agoraphobia doesnt improve or get worse : for example, when I was in my 5/6 days I went a lot on the seaside. But I haven't since a while, I can't.

I'm now in days with 4/5 level of anxiety, but it Feels like if agoraphobia is still hard, even harder. Couldn't go in a foodshop this week whereas I managed To other days. 

I drove To my parents home, and this week it seems utterly impossible...

 

 

My fear  : that my brain is traumatised and formatted To agoraphobia, and that even if I stabilise, agoraphobia Will still be a struggle.

 

My hope : that my agoraphobia is only a WD symptom and Will naturally fade.

 

 

I'm a bit obsessed by this...

if anyone has a clue I would be happy To read, but nothing urgent obviously 🤗

 

Good evening. 

You will be the one you used to be, this js the rule.

If iam depressed and struggling, i will for sure have agrophobia or  then there isn't a problem; 

like you, i had also social problems and incresed by time too, but this comes from you have more awareness and feelings, i won't be worried about something unless i feel it and understand it and live it so, it is normal you are highly affected by a situation and have stronger responses. I want to tell you that as you were ok in social situations before and had no agrophobia, you will be after you heal; it may be bothering but don't worry, when you be the strong erell, you will know how to handle, this will be soon ❤️.

One more thing to add, the over analyzing means that you are more connected to yourself and ideas and the evidence is that you don't forget( i know you want to forget but you will do by your strong self); you aren't highly detached from yourself, do you understand me?; As soon as you are in a situation and your brain reminds you faster about agrophobia, your brain is better , isn't it?❤️.

[Sassenach]

47 minutes ago, Erell said:

I've been (over)analysing  my agoraphobia a lot today...

Indeed you have🤣

You are looking for patterns where there are none, logic that does not apply toW/D and consistency where there is none.

I cannot think of anyone on this site who has not experienced Agoraphobia and antisocial feelings during W/D.

47 minutes ago, Erell said:

My fear  : that my brain is traumatised and formatted To agoraphobia, and that even when I stabilise, agoraphobia Will still be a struggle.

I have edited the above to read correctly, there is no "if".

 

47 minutes ago, Erell said:

I'm a bit obsessed by this..

My my, so unlike you👿

Remember anything you have achieved during W/D you will achieve again in time.

 

Have a good evening.

 

Sass

Edited December 8, 2019 by Sassenach
ommision

[Gridley]

 

39 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

- i'm wondering if my actual agoraphobia is still WD or a new condition that I have To fight. Did my brain get used To be afraid of the outside or is my brain afraid of the outside because it is a WD symptom. 

 

Mustafa is right.  It is a WD symptom that will fade as you heal.

 

WD and healing are not a linear process.  It's going to be up and down with your symptoms, which explains why last week you could drive to your parents' and right now you can't.  It's up and down.

 

Before WD I was slightly agoraphobic but could travel and move to Ecuador and do everything.  Now in WD it has intensified and a simple trip down the mountain to my zero-stress village is difficult.

 

You will be the you that you used to be,  

[sunnysideup69]

23 hours ago, Erell said:

 

Funny you talk about this because these past few days I was wondering if my agoraphobia was WD or not.

I think it definitely is as I only experienced it during my benzo WD, before now.

 

hugs my friend❤

 

It's definitely WD, as you say. I have experienced it recently around socialising, every time I have a meetup planned I kind of feel I can't leave the flat and that talking to someone will be too much. And I feel like I don't really want to do it and what's the point, kind of feelings.

 

Which is strange, as I manage to teach at school, no problem....but then, that's kind of acting, in a way.

 

WD definitely makes me want to crawl into a hole.

Thanks for holding my hand, am holding yours, too.....having made the decision about seeing my parents after Christmas, it has settled my mind. Have begun to feel calmer.

[Giulietta]

1 minute ago, sunnysideup69 said:

WD definitely makes me want to crawl into a hole

😁 

Absolutely hilarious. Yes, indeedy.

 

Agoraphobia is a natural part of WD, dear @Erell. It is as you know rooted in fear. We don't feel safe. It is frightening to feel that we are only safe in our home. I would ask myself, what has become of me? Will I always be like this? I felt terrified.

 

That being said, these have greatly improved. There are still a lot of places I am not comfortable going. I don't want to go out by myself at night. I often won't go out at night unless it is very nearby.

 

20 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Before WD I was slightly agoraphobic but could travel and move to Ecuador and do everything.  Now in WD it has intensified and a simple trip down the mountain to my zero-stress village is difficult.

 

Gridley, you were so brave to do this. @Rosetta to move to Spain was too. I used to travel alone to Europe. I want to go again and darn it even though I would like to go with a group (it's more fun) and I don't want my fears to keep me from going.

 

You will gradually get better. You will have days when you feel strong and can go out. Then the day comes for your trip - and you find excuses not to go out!   I do same and @sunnysideup69 too if I remember correctly. I want tno stay in and watch TV and crawl in a hole. Which isn't a bad thing.   It is what I need now to feel happy.

 

Are you traveling for Christmas - did you and @sunnysideup69 decide?

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

@Guilietta, I'm avoiding Christmas travel as the trains to the South West are all messed up and it's a two hour journey. I'm gonna avoid it and go see my parents on first weekend of new year. I'm catsitting over this Christmas break

[Rhiannon]

On 12/6/2019 at 10:51 AM, mustafa said:

Dear rhiannon, 

Do you have any information about any researches done to help us heal faster?

I hope the psychiatrists who agree with us about WDs can research that case.

No, not any formal research specifically on what these drugs do to us. I have read about the alternating-sides in some other context, I think it was for working with other kinds of brain injury, maybe strokes. I also use alternating-sides work using something called EMDR in my therapy for dealing with trauma. So I think, why not, if it seems to help with healing in other brain-related ways, and it's harmless, and gentle exercise is good for us, it's worth trying.

 

As for trying things that feel big or hard from time to time, that is also speculation based on how we learn. The expression is "neurons that fire together, wire together."  It is only speculation on my part, but it fits with my experience. I think agoraphobia is there for a reason, our nervous systems want peace and quiet and safety for healing. However I also think it is a good idea to once in a while push ourselves just a little, to keep our brains from getting set in those paths that feel safe. I absolutely could be wrong about that. It's just what seems to work for me. 

 

It would be great to hear what other people think about this and what has worked for them, as far as whether they feel like pushing back against the agoraphobia once in a while has been helpful, or not.

 

[MissyE]

Stay strong Errell.  I know how you are feeling.  Remember it is WD, not you.

🤗 Missy 

[Erell]

Good morning!

 

@Sassenach : Thank you ! You made me smile ! You made fun of me and my fears...and it actually felt good !

I'm often, if not always, not able To laugh at my situation, so it is Nice of you To do it for me 😙 Big hugs from an overanalyser 🤗

 

@Gridley : thank you for the réassurance on the fact that agoraphobia is a WD symptom and that it Will fade ❤ 

 

@Guilietta, @sunnysideup69, @MissyE  : thank you for being there and holding my hand when needed  ❤ Be sure i'm holding yours too. 

 

@Rhiannon : I agree with you: there is an equilibrium To find between take care of ourselves staying in safe place and pushing

Not easy To find the balance. I force myself To go outside almost everyday and try To not Feel guilty when it is too hard.

 

Big hugs To all ❤

[Erell]

Diary Sunday 8 December/ day 75 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am: woke up anxious, still lower.

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9.30am: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 4

Went To walk but anxiety ramped up outside. 

12 : 750mg Evening primrose oil. 

12.30 : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5.

Despair  : 0 ??? . Dancing,  smiling!

2.30pm: anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

4pm : come back To my flat after a 45 minutes walk outside. 

6pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

8pm : bedtime. Anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair  : 3-4.

 

Lights off at 10.20pm, Fall asleep around 11pm. Sweet night. 

 

Woke up anxious this morning at 7am. This morning anxiety Feels higher, and have dizziness. 

 

--》 I lived a wonderful 30 minutes at noon, just after the 750mg of evening primrose oil. Was feeling anxious, but great mood! Put music on, dancing and smiling : it Felt like my old self in terms of mood ( always loved To dance in my living room 😊).

Can't tell if it is evening primrose oil, a placebo effect, or just good mood.

Positive sign : since 3 months, i'm not really able To listen To music, i'm very sensible To noises and noises can easily ramp up my anxiety. But Yesterday anxiety stayed the same despite music ❤

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell, wowee, I love the sound of that good mood! Wishing you so many more moments of that! Lots of love xxx

 

[mustafa]

If you like to dance, i can send you a loud, but wonderful music😂, it is an egyption type of arts called ' مهرجانات', it can be translated as festivals but not an exact translation.

Good to hear you had wonderful minutes❤️

[Sunnyday]

So good to hear @Erell ! 

 

Regarding the agoraphobia, you've gotten so many good responses already but I wouldn't worry about it sticking around when the WD is over. I understand the concern, I think most here have concerns regarding if different symptoms will stick or become permanent, but it seems like most times it goes away when we're healed. I was very concerned about my neuro emotions, overanalysing everything people said to me, mostly seeing ill intent in people and getting very easily upset when that's not who I am as a person. It felt like it had become such a strong part of me and I was worried it wouldn't go away ever. People on SA told me I would go back to my old self eventually and I believe they were right. I'm not 100% there yet but it has improved so much since back then, so I don't doubt anymore that eventually I will be my old self completely. It just takes time.

 

@Rhiannon I agree with you and Erell on this one. I think it's always healthy to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone, though I think it's good to be a bit more forgiving and careful during WD from my own experience. Overdoing things seem to cause exhaustion sometimes and make things temporarily worse, so as has been said it's all about keeping a balance I think.