Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Sleepan]

Bonjour @Erell et @Vegalia.  Je vous suis.

[mustafa]

Keep us informed how it goes erell❤️.

Sorry to hear u have bad symptomts but I was happy when I read that it may not be because of the withdrawals.

Very good you have signs that strengthen u .

Take care of yourself and don't panic if u are.

Mustafa.

[Cathy4]

@Erell,

Hoping that the wave passes very quickly.  You are very brave and it is amazing you are back at work.  
HUG,

Cathy ❤️

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Erell,

Don't forget, work is tiring and that can cause spikes in WD. You'll settle again. You're doing great! And now it's the weekend  

[Rhiannon]

Hello Erell! You're doing great. Remember, windows and waves, up and down is the normal course of recovery. It's perfectly normal to have bad spells sometimes. The progress overall is still forward and you are healing every day. Keep going!

[Erell]

So warm To read your support ! Thank you ❤

 

On 1/23/2020 at 6:31 PM, Sassenach said:

You are still doing great, you got on the rollercoater, keep riding girl🤗

How are your family?

My family is doing Well 🤗

 

Merci @Vegalia pour ce courage partagé ❤

 

Rhiannon, Cathy, Mustafa and Sunny : thank you for reminding me that I'm still healing❤

 

I'm in a very unpleasant period of doubts and hopelessness, and I read some horror stories here about people who can't stabilise, or suffer hell while tapering slowly.

So I hang on your sweet words 🤗, and have take a small break from SA for a couple of days

 

Big hugs To all!

[MissyE]

Erell I'm thinking of you sweet lady.  Don't read any more horror stories. That feeds the negativity and anxiety.

 

Have you checked out Irene Lyon? She was born to help ease anxiety.  Promise. 

 

You are healing.  This is the WD rollercoaster and the joy of womanly hormonal cycles.  Work is tiring and you're doing it!  The cortisol spikes have stopped; remember how far you've come 

 

This too shall pass.

Love and peace

Missy x

 

[Vegalia]

Hello @Erell

 

I don't read difficult stories anymore.

 

However, hopelessness sometimes is normal. But it is just a thought. 

You have improvement, even if you seems to have waves and even if you may think that is is too long and not enough. 

 

And remember you don't have changed many times of drugs and you don't have made very fast taper. 

 

A break with forum is good I think, even if we miss you. Read only sweet words when you feel hopelessness. 

Maybe your periods are coming soon too. 

 

Take good care of yourself. It is the most important. 

 

Kisses. 

 

Vega

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

I'm in a very unpleasant period of doubts and hopelessness, and I read some horror stories here about people who can't stabilise, or suffer hell while tapering slowly.

So I hang on your sweet words 🤗, and have take a small break from SA for a couple of days

 

Big hugs To all!

Hugs to you, my lovely. And enjoy the break xxx And don't read the horror stories. I feel for those people, but I don't read them, nor people who keep insisting that they won't recover.

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Erell, how are you doing today? Sending hugs and good wishes xxx 

[Erell]

Hi dears!

 

Well, as Sassenach predicted, periods came Yesterday evening...note To myself : always believe Sass ! 😅

And with my periods, some anxiety lowered and my mood is ok !

God,  I love my periods !  😄

 

New gift today : some fever and throat in fire...it Feels like a real cold, I'll see how it Will go in the week.

Fortunately, I managed To go through my day of work!

 

I'm a bit scared about what a real cold could do To my symptoms, but I use mindfullness To ignore those scary thoughts

 

 

Big hugs To all, so Nice To read your support ! ❤❤❤

[Cathy4]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

😅

And with my periods, some anxiety lowered and my mood is ok !

@Erell, 

I wanted to mention:  I have been on 500mg of the evening primrose oil for over a month now, and while I had a huge uptick in symptoms before my period in December, I had far less of a problem leading up to this current period.  
 

I have no idea if it’s the primrose oil that helped or if things are just naturally slowly improving, but perhaps it’s the oil(?!).  Anyhow, just wanted to let you know.  
 

Drink the vitamin c for your cold and take it as easy as you can. 
HUG,

Cathy

[Giulietta]

Hello Erell,

 

I see you are also having some struggles and yes we are better served if we do not read tales of people who are having a bad time of WD particularly when we are having a bad or quasi-bad time. They can drive rumination - or  compassion .

 

As you say, staying in the moment helps - and knowing it is the way it is. I am still learning to accept this. That being said - reminding myself to have 'positive expectations' hekps.   You and we all (including those slow to improve or stabilize) will improve. I hope htis is hlepful.

 

Hugs

G.

 

[Rhiannon]

Hello Erell, just wanted to stop by and say how pleased I am with your progress. I remember when you first came to this forum. It really wasn't very long ago. You are doing quite well, back to work, your healing is progressing well and I don't think it has been even six months yet!

 

Don't be discouraged, you are doing quite well. I think you will continue to improve in the usual way, with ups and downs but gradual and continual improvement. You have followed a very normal course of recovery so far and I think this will continue. Of course it is slower than we would like it to be, but the good news is that if you don't do anything crazy (like cold turkey or suddenly adding in new drugs) I am confident you will continue to improve and recover and eventually be able to taper smoothly with minimal symptoms.

[mustafa]

On 1/28/2020 at 8:21 PM, Erell said:

Hi dears!

 

Well, as Sassenach predicted, periods came Yesterday evening...note To myself : always believe Sass ! 😅

And with my periods, some anxiety lowered and my mood is ok !

God,  I love my periods !  😄

 

New gift today : some fever and throat in fire...it Feels like a real cold, I'll see how it Will go in the week.

Fortunately, I managed To go through my day of work!

 

I'm a bit scared about what a real cold could do To my symptoms, but I use mindfullness To ignore those scary thoughts

 

 

Big hugs To all, so Nice To read your support ! ❤❤❤

Very good you are assured, erell .

I hope your next days are very smooth and easy .

Good night for u 

[Erell]

On 1/28/2020 at 8:49 PM, Cathy4 said:

 have no idea if it’s the primrose oil that helped or if things are just naturally slowly improving, but perhaps it’s the oil(?!).  

Hello dear Cathy,

Well I have To say that I can't tell either if it is helping me : i'm improving but PMS are still quite hard. At least it doesnt hurt us

 

@mustafa, @Guilietta and @Rhiannon : thank you SO MUCH ❤

You've all been there To support me since I first posted on SA.

i'm not symptom free, but life is waaaaaaay easier now, and it is also thanks To you and the strenght you gave me !

Rhiannon, you've always gave me important and careful advices, thank you ! And I don't plan To do anything crazy, I only plan To keep on following your advices and take care of myself as the most important person in my life

 

Big hugs ❤❤❤

[Giulietta]

2 hours ago, Erell said:

but life is waaaaaaay easier now, and

 

Hello Erell,

 

Where did the 6 months go?  See what determination and discipline can do for us even though it can be hard - so we have others to remind us to keep plodding along around the next corner.

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

the most important person in my life

 

Yes. For sure.

 

Hugs

G.

[sunnysideup69]

Have a good week, @Erell, you're doing great ! I haven't been on much this last week, swinging by to say hello xxx

[Armorall]

Have a great week, Erell!

[Cathy4]

Erell, 

Popping by to say I’m thinking of you and I hope things are going well.  Hug to you. ❤️
Cathy

[sunnysideup69]

Hello again, @Erell, dropping in to say I'm thinking of you ❤️ 

[Erell]

Hello dears,

 

Thank you very much for your support ❤

 

Quick update : I'm still holding my 10mg, I'm not symptom free but things are still improving, very gradually and slowly, but improving

 

I still struggle with some chemical anxiety and restlessness, but intensity is so much lower ! ❤

I also don't have a 'normal' rythm as I keep on going To bed early and rest a lot, but I have To keep on taking care of myself 

 

I don't come here a lot : firstly because I feel like I'm a bit traumatised by the symptoms I have discovered this year. I think I'm gonna start a therapy, à behavorial and cognitive one. I have To move on

Secondly because I'm still a lot triggered by all the sufferings I read here. So I need To protect myself. 

I know it is selfish, but I try To forgive myself, and To do the best I can.

 

I'm still thinking of you all, my heart is full of empathy and love for all dear survivors ❤

 

[Vegalia]

Coucou Erell,

 

Ravie de ces nouvelles !

 

Tu sais ce qui est bon pour toi et tu as parfaitement raison.

Du repos, prendre soin de toi et le moins de stress possible. Donc moins venir ici est sûrement bon pou toi en ce moment.

 

Bonne idée la TCC. Il faut trouver le ou la psychologue qui te convienne, sinon tu changes.

Bravo.

Continue de penser à toi, c'est ce qu'il faut avant tout et surtout ne pas culpabiliser de le faire. 😉

 

Bisous ❤️

 

Vega 

 

[Cathy4]

14 hours ago, Erell said:

Secondly because I'm still a lot triggered by all the sufferings I read here. So I need To protect myself. 

I know it is selfish, but I try To forgive myself, and To do the best I can.

Dear Erell, 

You are not selfish, you are taking care of yourself, and though I will miss you (selfishly!), I am so glad you are taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do.  Hug to you, Erell.  ❤️
Cathy

[Subzero42]

Hi Erell, it’s been a while, just wanted to take News, you’re doing good ?

[Erell]

Hello !

 

Thank you for asking ! Well, ups and downs

 

Last week I was feeling almost normal, and very confident! Since Yesterday, Tinnitus is very strong and I have restlessness in all my body + anxiety back ...WD gift !

 

Fortunately, intensity is lower than it has been, so I stay functionnal despite those very unpleasant feelings !

 

Biggest challenge for me is To be able To ignore intrusive thoughts saying things like: you'll never Feel good, you'll never stabilise, etc.

Instead I try To tell myself  " Well, I've already been there, and I survived,  so let's do this Again!"

 

How are you doing?

 

Take care ❤

[Giulietta]

Hello Erell,

 

I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are faring - and if still at work - and how this is all going for you.

 

I hope you have also been able to get more out of the house - in addition to getting to work.

 

G.

[MissyE]

On 2/10/2020 at 6:29 PM, Erell said:

Biggest challenge for me is To be able To ignore intrusive thoughts saying things like: you'll never Feel good, you'll never stabilise, etc.

Instead I try To tell myself  " Well, I've already been there, and I survived,  so let's do this Again!"

Hey Erell

Checking in with you mon cherie.  Yes, this is our ongoing challenge.  Absolutely, we've been there, done that, got the bloody t-shirt 🙈

Our brain's need to keep up!  

Thinking of you and here with long, warm hugs, whenever you need.

Love, peace, sparkles; namaste Missy xxxxx

[Erell]

Hi dears,

 

Thank you for your words

 

Well, To be honest, february has not been a very Nice month !

In January I was starting To think I was stabilising, but since 2/3 weeks I Feel like in a constant bad wave.

Nothing extreme, but some big Spikes of chemical anxiety and restlessness,  and constant mild symptoms.

And now I think I'm in PMS...💪

 

I'm not feeling desperate, I know this is the common process. And I'm Lucky To be able To work.

But I have To admit that I'm getting tired of feeling bad  and in constant anxiety since 5 months.

 

Still have To work on acceptance 

 

Big hugs To all ❤

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell, sorry to hear Feb has been rough. It gets very boring, I know. But, you know you'll feel better again.

 

I'm still breaking out in spots, post withdrawal has really got my skin. I think it's also stress from family situ.

 

Wishing you a much better ending to February this week, thinking of you xxx

[Erell]

Thank you for your support dear Sunny!

 

Yes, I'm getting tired of February, no improvments and hard symptoms coming back (depressed feelings, some agoraphobia, restlessness and anxiety from nowhere...).

 

And it brings a lot of fearfull intrusive thoughts : is everything going To be worse ? Why can't my system stabilize? ...

Still holding at 10mg Paroxetine, since 5 months.

 

Well, I hang on telling myself that March Will be better!

 

Hugs to all ❤

[SolarPlexus]

On 12/8/2019 at 8:28 PM, Sassenach said:

Indeed you have🤣

You are looking for patterns where there are none, logic that does not apply toW/D and consistency where there is none.

I cannot think of anyone on this site who has not experienced Agoraphobia and antisocial feelings during W/D.

I have edited the above to read correctly, there is no "if".

 

My my, so unlike you👿

Remember anything you have achieved during W/D you will achieve again in time.

 

Have a good evening.

 

Sass

@Sassenach was looking up the keyword "antisocial" to see if others feel the same. Then saw your comment that everyone in WD goes through this. I'm so antisocial right now it's bordering on misanthropy. Reassuring to know it's a symptom which means it will go away. I barely want to talk to anyone at all. Practically living in a cave. 

[mustafa]

3 hours ago, Erell said:

Thank you for your support dear Sunny!

 

Yes, I'm getting tired of February, no improvments and hard symptoms coming back (depressed feelings, some agoraphobia, restlessness and anxiety from nowhere...).

 

And it brings a lot of fearfull intrusive thoughts : is everything going To be worse ? Why can't my system stabilize? ...

Still holding at 10mg Paroxetine, since 5 months.

 

Well, I hang on telling myself that March Will be better!

 

Hugs to all ❤

Hello erell, 

I hope you are functioning well these days.

I really don't want to make a disorder of your plans or doses but may be the anxiety comes from paroxetine itself .

When I was having my drug, I was feeling worse just after the dose and when the dose effect in blood ends, I feel better so, if u feel this way, I think you are ok with the dose reduction and this comes from the drug.

These days , I have panicks and the DR is too bad, I can't go out.

I hope you are better .

Mustafa

[Giulietta]

Dear Erell,

 

Very sorry to hear of your ongoing wave . 🙁  I think just a week or two ago you had some decent days -  saw friends? Are you working - part-time?

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Yes, I'm getting tired of February, no improvments and hard symptoms coming back (depressed feelings, some agoraphobia, restlessness and anxiety from nowhere...).

 

 

The return (and morphing) of symptoms is really frustrating and tiring. You wonder when you are going to get better and why you are not recovering sooner.  I am very much the same as in the situation you describe.

 

This experience is like a science fiction movie. You wouldn't believe it unless you were in it!

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

is everything going To be worse ? Why can't my system stabilize? ...

Still holding at 10mg Paroxetine, since 5 months.

 

I keep telling myself that systems heal bit by bit - and one at a time. I don't undestsand why the same symptoms seem to return though.

 

Do you find that the symptoms you mention that return are less than they were originally?

 

I would say I am often a misanthrope - don't feel like kbeing around people much eventhough it is important for healing.  I posted a link on my site about why socializing is important for growing new synapses, etc.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

Dear Mustafa and Guilietta,

 

Thank you for being there! ❤

 

1 hour ago, Guilietta said:

Do you find that the symptoms you mention that return are less than they were originally?

 

Thank you for asking my friend : you make me réalise that my symptoms aren't as intense as they have been 

Maybe it is just frustration  : in January and beginning of February, even if days were not easy, I saw a lot of progress. I naively thought I was on a constant path of progress

But now I see old symptoms coming back (strong aches in my body, dizziness, anxiety, restlessness, deep sadness...). It is so hopeless when symptoms come back like this !

And frustrating because I'm in my 5th month of holding my dose !

 

But, as Rhiannon would tell me, ups and downs, all is about ups and downs...:)

 

I often think of Brassmonkey as he wrote a lot about emotionnal spiral : I thought I had made great work about acceptance and patience, but as soon as I get hit by stronger symptoms, I'm back To search the 'why' and expecting the worse....would like To be more Brassmonkey's style

 

Can't stop To ask myself if I'm doing something wrong for not being able To stabilize after 5 months.

I try To reassure myself by saying : Well maybe it is the last wave before recovery...😇💪

 

I still work fulltime, fortunately I manage To, and it helps me keep distracted sometimes. 

 

I don't expect To be symptom free, but I'd like To reach a more comfortable and stable baseline...

 

oh ! I'm complaining too much today, I'm gonna stop here!

 

thank you, it always give me a smile To read your support ❤

 

[Subzero42]

Hello Erell,

 

It's funny because I had the same pattern than you, In January while I was getting to feel good again, a wave started that lasted about a month, it's very frustrating, but you got to remind that waves always end at some point, and when it does, it opens to a window clearer than ever.