Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[sunnysideup69]

13 hours ago, Erell said:

Main thing is to stay confident in the healing process, and remember the main goal : be drugfree one day ❤️

 

 

I think this is key.

 

I recognise lots of those kinds of thoughts.

I suppose it also depends on what you mean by 'has the bridge worked?' E.g. If that means, are you symptom free and happy, then that could be too high an expectation. 

If that means, over time, do your symptoms become tolerable enough after the bridge/ stable enough that you can taper off? 

For what it's worth, I suspect the latter  

 

I'm remembering I felt quite discouraged last year because both I and another member did a switch to a different antidepressant at another time. She took twelve weeks to settle and I wondered why it wasn't going as smoothly for me? 

 

Totally agree with you- try not to identify with the thoughts saying it isn't working. You've only just reintroduced the 0.1mg paroxetine again. It's 4 days, isn't it, before your brain starts to register? 

Sending you good wishes, you're SO gonna do this. Might take another incremental increase of the paroxetine, wait and see what other mods say....maybe it involves just giving things time to settle. ❤️ 

[Hanna72]

On 5/26/2020 at 6:15 PM, Erell said:

Yes this bridge is not as simple and gentle as I hoped or read in other testimonies 

I'm struggling : with symptoms, and with thoughts.

This poison we have been on is so powerful, and hard to get rid off. I do understand that you are doubting it all, since it is not as smooth as we would hope it should be. I truly hope the 0.1 mg Paxil has helped you.  Did it give you a little relief?

Look how far you have come, to me it is just amazing🤩

You’ve got this💪

Hugs to you🥰

[mstimc]

3 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

Look how far you have come, to me it is just amazing

 

This is so important, Hanna!  A couple years ago, I had a triggering life event that sent me into an anxious spiral.  When I saw my therapist, he reminded me of how well I'd handled other stressful events before that.  His perspective really helped me work through my wave.

[Erell]

7 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

This poison we have been on is so powerful, and hard to get rid off. I do understand that you are doubting it all, since it is not as smooth as we would hope it should be. I truly hope the 0.1 mg Paxil has helped you.  Did it give you a little relief?

Look how far you have come, to me it is just amazing🤩

You’ve got this💪

Hugs to you🥰

 

Hello dear, 

 

Thank you all for your support 😉❤

 

Indeed, 0.1mg Paroxetine did help ❤

I know how powerfull drugs are, but still amazed : as soon as I took 0.1mg Paroxetine, my deep 8h sleep came back 🙄

Brain fog and body aches faded a lot.

Dizziness and chemical anxiety stayed : using my coping skills to accept agoraphobia and try to live with it.

 

@Altostrata : as I don't have many Paroxetine left (liquid form still out of stock in France) I'm trying to figure out what could be the best option for my CNS next weeks :

 

- hold 6mg Fluoxetine and drop Paroxetine every 2 weeks  : from 0.1mg to 0.05mg, then to 0.025...until I reach a very tiny amount.

 

or

 

- increase Fluoxetine in order to try to cover Paroxetine WD when I quit it.

(maybe an increase of 0.5mg or 1mg every 2weeks)

 

Curious of your input

 

Let's see what tomorrow brings 😊

 

Take care ❤

 

Edited May 29, 2020 by Erell

[Altostrata]

I would keep diluting the paroxetine, taper it at the slowest possible rate.

[Erell]

Thank you for sharing.

 

Let's hope Fluoxetine will help to cover Paroxetine WD symptoms

 

Have a nice day ❤

[Vegalia]

Courage Erell, 

 

You are an example for me. 

And so nice to help me with WD... I don't want to ask you too much. 

 

Hope, hope, hope.

Take care. 

 

Bisous. ❤️

 

L. 

 

 

[Altostrata]

@Erell, please don't worry -- you can make your own liquid with a paroxetine tablet and water.

[Longroadhome]

And it’s quite easy to do 

you can make a weeks supply in advance 

 

[Hanna72]

@Erell Wanted to drop by and see how you are doing. 
Hugs to you 🥰

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Erell, sending hugs xxx

[mustafa]

Hello erell, 

Beside other friends, sending hugs and support for you ❤️.

Please take care .

[Erell]

Hello friends, 

 

How nice it is to read your kind words ! ❤️

 

I'm doing way better :

 

- reinstated 0.1mg Paroxetine 2 weeks ago, and after one week had moments while I felt almost symptomfree...! Can't tell how wonderful it was to realise that weird chemical anxiety had gone.

- I still have some chemical anxiety/dizziness, but very low, with some spikes. Actually, it feels like if Fluoxetine is progressively kicking in.

 

As Altostrata once said, Paroxetine really is a stubborn ! But, even if some symptoms are still there, I'm amazed by how "normal" I've felt some hours here and there. Healing is coming  

 

However  I notice I currently get very easily trapped in Emotionnal Spirals so I'm limiting my presence here to focus on selfcare and mindfullness practice 

 

Drugged since I'm 14, I never really took the time to create 'my own baseline', so I'm focusing on trying to meet myself

 

Next weeks, I will tapper gradually my Paroxetine dose.

 

Thank you all for your sweet support !

 

Take care ❤️

 

 

Edited June 8, 2020 by Erell

[mstimc]

Great news, Erell!  I think we all need a break every now and then to regroup, unwind a bit and get some normalcy in our lives.

[Vegalia]

Hi Erell, 

 

So happy for you.

 

You know what is good for yourself. Even if it is always difficult, your improvement is a good sign. 

 

Merci pour ces nouvelles qui illuminent cette journée très pluvieuse ! J'etais un peu inquiéte. 

Continue à prendre soin de toi. C'est le plus important. 

 

Bisous ❤️

[Longroadhome]

6 hours ago, Erell said:

Hello friends, 

 

How nice it is to read your kind words ! ❤️

 

I'm doing way better :

 

- reinstated 0.1mg Paroxetine 2 weeks ago, and after one week had moments while I felt almost symptomfree...! Can't tell how wonderful it was to realise that weird chemical anxiety had gone.

- I still have some chemical anxiety/dizziness, but very low, with some spikes. Actually, it feels like if Fluoxetine is progressively kicking in.

 

As Altostrata once said, Paroxetine really is a stubborn ! But, even if some symptoms are still there, I'm amazed by how "normal" I've felt some hours here and there. Healing is coming  

 

However  I notice I currently get very easily trapped in Emotionnal Spirals so I'm limiting my presence here to focus on selfcare and mindfullness practice 

 

Drugged since I'm 14, I never really took the time to create 'my own baseline', so I'm focusing on trying to meet myself

 

Next weeks, I will tapper gradually my Paroxetine dose.

 

Thank you all for your sweet support !

 

Take care ❤️

 

 

That’s great to hear Erell 

take care you will get there 

LRH

[sunnysideup69]

Great news @Erell. Great idea to spend some time away xxx

[Hanna72]

Hey Erell, reading your last post, put a big smile on my face😃 So happy for you🙏
 

[Altostrata]

Thanks for the good news, Erell.

[Erell]

Hello dears !

 

Just read something Chessiecat wrote somewhere : 

"Compare how you are feeling now to how you felt at your worst.  Don't compare with how you were at your best or how you want to feel."

And this sentence hit me : comparing my current self with how I was at my best, or how I want to feel, is exactly how I've fallen into Emotionnal Spirals last weeks.

So, thank you Chessiecat for this very timely wisdom

 

Learning, slowly, but surely

 

Comparing to how I want to feel is depressing : I've dropped Paroxetine and symptoms came back to my face this week, feeling exhausted, sick, electrical, dizzy, anxious, sad, lonely, homebound ...

 

BUT

 

Comparing to how I've felt last autumn : I'm feeling wayyy better ! The intensity I went through months ago was insane, while currently symptoms stay mild ❤️

 

Just wanted to share what I've called the "Chessietip" ! 🤩

 

Take care ❤️

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Erell

[mstimc]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

Hello dears !

 

Just read something Chessiecat wrote somewhere : 

"Compare how you are feeling now to how you felt at your worst.  Don't compare with how you were at your best or how you want to feel."

And this sentence hit me : comparing my current self with how I was at my best, or how I want to feel, is exactly how I've fallen into Emotionnal Spirals last weeks.

So, thank you Chessiecat for this very timely wisdom

 

Learning, slowly, but surely

 

Comparing to how I want to feel is depressing : I've dropped Paroxetine and symptoms came back to my face this week, feeling exhausted, sick, electrical, dizzy, anxious, sad, lonely, homegbound ...

 

BUT

 

Comparing to how I've felt last autumn : I'm feeling wayyy better ! The intensity I went through months ago was insane, while currently symptoms stay mild ❤️

 

Just wanted to share what I've called the "Chessietip" ! 🤩

 

Take care ❤️

 

 

 

Great perspective, Erell!  Sometimes when we falter a bit, we forget just how far we've come.

Edited June 14, 2020 by mstimc

[brassmonkey]

Erell-- you should repost that in "the best of SA" thread. It is an excellent statement and needs to be spread around.

[Cocopuffz17]

9 hours ago, Erell said:

Hello dears !

 

Just read something Chessiecat wrote somewhere : 

"Compare how you are feeling now to how you felt at your worst.  Don't compare with how you were at your best or how you want to feel."

And this sentence hit me : comparing my current self with how I was at my best, or how I want to feel, is exactly how I've fallen into Emotionnal Spirals last weeks.

So, thank you Chessiecat for this very timely wisdom

 

Learning, slowly, but surely

 

Comparing to how I want to feel is depressing : I've dropped Paroxetine and symptoms came back to my face this week, feeling exhausted, sick, electrical, dizzy, anxious, sad, lonely, homebound ...

 

BUT

 

Comparing to how I've felt last autumn : I'm feeling wayyy better ! The intensity I went through months ago was insane, while currently symptoms stay mild ❤️

 

Just wanted to share what I've called the "Chessietip" ! 🤩

 

Take care ❤️

 

 

 

Great statement! I find myself doing the same thing. But when you look where you were at the worst to now. The improvements are amazing! Great mindset! All the best to your healing 🙂

[Vegalia]

19 hours ago, Erell said:

Hello dears !

 

Just read something Chessiecat wrote somewhere : 

"Compare how you are feeling now to how you felt at your worst.  Don't compare with how you were at your best or how you want to feel."

And this sentence hit me : comparing my current self with how I was at my best, or how I want to feel, is exactly how I've fallen into Emotionnal Spirals last weeks.

So, thank you Chessiecat for this very timely wisdom

 

Learning, slowly, but surely

 

Comparing to how I want to feel is depressing : I've dropped Paroxetine and symptoms came back to my face this week, feeling exhausted, sick, electrical, dizzy, anxious, sad, lonely, homebound ...

 

BUT

 

Comparing to how I've felt last autumn : I'm feeling wayyy better ! The intensity I went through months ago was insane, while currently symptoms stay mild ❤️

 

Just wanted to share what I've called the "Chessietip" ! 🤩

 

Take care ❤️

 

 

 

Hi dear  Erell, 

 

That's what I'm saying myself every days since long time ago. 

 

It can help.

 

Courage. Your are in the good way. 

 

Kisses ❤️  

 

Vega. 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

20 hours ago, Erell said:

 

"Compare how you are feeling now to how you felt at your worst.  Don't compare with how you were at your best or how you want to feel."

 

Funny you posted that because I was also reading this last week and reminding myself to compare myself to this time last year.

I was so lost then! And feeling a LOT worse and wobbling around with meds all over the place. WHAT a difference a year makes.

 

Sending love and hugs as your body adjusts to no paroxetine. You've got this!

[Erell]

Hello dear friends, 

 

I'm struggling with deep loneliness and even if friends were supportive first days, now that we are talking about months I can only notice that my phone doesn't ring anymore and that I spend weeks without talking to anybody but work colleagues.

I'm not actually sure that I want to see them as I know that they don't give any credibility to WD. Knowing that they think I just have to make some efforts to feel better is kind of affecting the love we have for each other.

It makes me sad, very sad.

 

But I found a post that gave me some comfort, and as I know many of us struggle with this loneliness, I wanted to share it with you :

 

 

 

Hope it will give you some comfort too ❤️

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Erell

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @Erell, this is a wonderful post. I have that book by Baylissa and often turn to Bloom in Wellness, the website...and also the youtube channel. There are some free meditations on her channel, you've probably seen them. 

 

I too experience a deep loneliness at times. I have a very close friend who really hurt me because when I spoke about withdrawal, she was asking things like 'When will it be over?' There was a kind of impatience to her voice. And I could sense that she thought that I just needed more drug, or a different drug, or therapy. Even with my therapist, I'm having to educate her about antidepressant withdrawal. It can become exhausting.

 

How are things with your family, I'm wondering. Are you getting to see them?

 

Also, if you ever want a real time Zoom or Whatsapp video chat one day, say the word and we could do it  

 

 

 

 

[Hanna72]

@Erell I know how you feel. It is a lonely road that we are on, but I want you to know that I am with you, though I can only be in spirit. 
You have come along way, and sometimes we forget just how far we have reached. Know this, you are doing this for you and nobody else. In the end we will come out of this much stronger as human beings, and though it does not seem right now, it will be worth it. Those how know what suffering really is, are the ones who will appreciate life so much more.

Sending you strength and good vibes from Iceland 💖

[Cigale]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

But I found a post that gave me some comfort, and as I know many of us struggle with this loneliness, I wanted to share it with you

 

Merci @Erell pour vos mots et courage inspirant! Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I am an American living in France, having moved here in November 2019, and then stupidly CTing off Lexapro in December. I am also struggling with loneliness. I had just started to make some friends and join some local groups - running, cycling and community associations - when I crashed in February. Since then things have been so unpredictable that I am afraid to schedule any thing. But fortunately, I have found a good therapist here and this community. And I know things are slowly improving. I am sending you hope and friendship. Bisous, Cigale

[Erell]

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

How are things with your family, I'm wondering. Are you getting to see them?

 

Also, if you ever want a real time Zoom or Whatsapp video chat one day, say the word and we could do it  

 

That's very nice of you, but I have to confess...I have a terrible English accent 😅 

It's easier for me to write rather than speak : while writing, I have all the time I need to think, find a translation, correct my English grammar,... 😉

Or we could train you to French  😇

 

Things are going ok with family : I don't try to convince them about WD anymore, and I manage to see them sometimes. 

 

As Hannah said, it is a lonely road. I know it, but sometimes we need comfort from those who has been there before us, that's why SA is so valuable ! 

When I need some support, I always find a relevant text into the topics ! ❤

 

@Cigale : how nice it is to read some French here 🤗

Gonna take time to meet you tomorrow !

As you said,  things are slowly improving! They really are.

 

Fun fact about English, SA, WD...:

the English word "eventually" looks like French word "éventuellement ".

But French word "éventuellement" means "maybe".

When I came to SA, I spent weeks translating "eventually " with "maybe".

So, a sentence like "symptoms will fade eventually" became "symptoms will fade...maybe!" !

Can't tell you how happy I was when I finally understood the true meaning of the word "eventually" 😅

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell, I think you do amazingly! I wish my French was even half as good as your English. But I get you, no worries, I can see how it's easier to write

[Mimi79]

Hi @Erell

Ça me ferait très plaisir de te parler sur Zoom un jour, en français! Je n’ai jamais parlé de sevrage à personne en français, je n’ai que le vocabulaire appris ici sur SA, en anglais. Ça serait bizarre...

 

It’s funny to see how our French Vocabulary here in Quebec is influenced by the fact we are a little French speaking nation Surrounded by an English speaking world. Here the word

« Éventuellement » really means eventually! We use it the same way. For me « maybe » means

« peut-être »

 

About being lonely on this recovery road, it’s so true. I have decided months ago to not talk about WD to my friends and family, because they just can’t understand. Even my boyfriend doesn’t understand. I talk a little bit about it to my therapist, but she doesn’t agree a lot with what I say to her. Sometimes, I would like to talk about it to someone in real life, but I can’t. Of course there is this forum, but it is not the same thing as talking with someone. 
 

I’ve just read the biography of Baylissa Frédérick  (with hope in my heart) and it gave me a lot of hope! I truly recommend it.

[Rosetta]

Hi Erell,

 

Thanks for your note on my thread.  Are you feeling better?  I hope so.  This is a very difficult road.  I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with the same issue that I am.
 

I spent a Summer in France by myself.  I still dream in French every so often.  In my dreams, I am fluent, of course.  I can’t remember much French when I’m awake, and the Spanish words come to mind instead when I try to think in French. 
 

I went to Arcachon first, and I saw Cap Ferret and Bordeaux.  Then, I lived in Nice for a month.  The little glacier where I had lunch every day is gone now.  It was on Promenade des Ánglais.  I would walk around and get lost in Nice for entire days.  I discovered many places that I would not have seen otherwise.  From Nice, I took a few trips.  I visited Cannes, and I went over to Monaco for a day.
 

I wandered around after I left Nice.  I went to Saint-Laurent sur Mer, Bayeux and Caen.  While staying in Chinon, I went to Azay-le-Rideau.  Then, I spent Bastille Day in Tours.  I saw Chenonceaux, Chambord, and a few other areas in the Loire Valley.  I also went to Orleans.  I stayed in París in Saint-Germain-des-Pres for a while.
 

I will always cherish my time in France  (except when my brain goes into a dark place, and I see all the negatives.).  I hope that someday I can go back.

Hang in there.  The waves do pass.  Sometimes they wear us down much too far, I know.

 

Rosetta

 

 

[Erell]

As some folks ask me about my Prozac bridge, thought I could write an update : 

 

Two weeks ago, I dropped from 0.1mg to 0.06mg Paroxetine. Since two weeks I'm full of symptoms : strong brain fog, some cortisol rushes are back, strong anxiety, feeling electrical, dizziness, body aches, exhaustion, strong DR, doom thinking, some SI,.... with no relief.

Strange to think that two weeks ago I had moments while I felt  "normal" !

 

I'm trying to apply somehow the "Endgame taper" advices to my bridge. Not sure if I'm doing well as I don't understand everything (English understanding + strong brain fog and DR).

Not sure how it can be adapted to a Prozac bridge.

 

I'm gonna wait a couple weeks and see how it goes. Then I'll drop to 0.03mg and see how it goes. (33%, 50%...100% ?)

 

Not really able to participate on SA these days : I focus all my efforts on trying to be able to work

 

 

Someone asked me if I could do an assessment of my Prozac bridge : I think it is still too early to make a definitive assessment of my Paxil to Prozac bridge.

 

Do I regret it because of intense symptoms ? No way ! 

I wasn't doing a fast Paroxetine taper before coming to SA, and even with 3% drops it has always been very hard to taper Paroxetine. So we can assume that maybe I wouldn't have been able to get off Paroxetine without a switch.

I try to focus on my bigger goal : being drugfree. 

 

But my experience may show that a Prozac bridge may have to be done slower than expected, and that even with Fluoxetine added Paroxetine can still be a stubborn and hard to get off.

It is possible that I've been too confident about a "symptom-free bridge" : before bridging, I read many testimonies on French forums, people bridging in two to four weeks without having symptoms !

To be honest, it sometimes feels very unfair to have intense symptoms.

On another hand, since 15 years my CNS function with Paroxetine, so it sounds pretty logical that gettinf off doesn't go smoothly.

 

 I'm really struggling at the moment, and sometimes loose faith on being able to get off Paroxetine and stabilising on Fluoxetine.

But I also know that time does heal everything ❤️

 

Take care everyone ❤️

 

Edited June 22, 2020 by Erell

[Vegalia]

Salut Erell,

 

Courage et force. 🤝

 

Bisous. ❤️

 

Vega

[Hanna72]

Dear Erell 

I wanted to drop by and tell you that it will get better. I know how frustrating and hard this journey can be. You are stronger then Paxil. Being a Paxil user myself for 20 years, it is with out a doubt doable to get off it and heal. Don’t ever loose faith, it can play a big role in recovery. 
You will heal and have your dream of drug free life🙏
My thoughts are with you

One day, sometimes one moment at a time and you will be free💖