Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Cigale]

Holding you in my heart dear @Erell. I hope you get out for a soothing walk by the sea. ♥️

[mustafa]

2 hours ago, Erell said:

Thank you @sunnysideup69 ❤

I'm in a state that is very hard to describe, don't think I've ever felt that way. So restless.

Gonna try to take a walk.

Thinking of u erell.

Please remember that this is just a rough time and will pass and become calm again❤.

Please, take care.

[Hanna72]

6 hours ago, Erell said:

I'm really lost and loosing faith.

Dear Erell. 
When ever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come.

You are stronger then you know and more capable then you ever dreamed. 
Don’t loose faith and never stop believing in yourself.

My thoughts are with you 

Hugs to you my friend 💖

[Vegalia]

Hi  @Erell

 

I send you all my support. 

 

Courage ma Belle. Aller te promener montre deja ta force. 

 

Toutes mes pensees! ❤️❤️❤️

[Mimi79]

Dear Erell,

This process is far the hardest thing we have ever faced. It consume all our strengths. Even if we try our best to cope, we seem to have no control over those symptoms. 
I send you big hugs, love and good vibes, and I wish that you will see some light soon. You deserve it so much!

And don’t forget that one day, everyone heal. It is so hard to believe it in the midst of a wave, when our thoughts are fooling us. 

 

Courage, chère Erell. Je t’envoie pleins d’ondes positives du Québec...

 

À bientôt!

 

Anne-Marie
 

 

[Altostrata]

You might try 7.75mg fluoxetine, Erell.

[Erell]

Dear community, I wanna apologize for the triggering post : for the first time in my life, I might be discovering what people call "akathisia" and it makes me lost my grounding and all I've learned since one year.

 

@Longroadhome, @Cigale, @mustafa, @Hanna72, @Vegalia, @Mimi79 : thank you, your words mean everything ❤️ 

 

@Altostrata : thank you ❤️ it's really hard to guess what comes from Paxil WD, what comes from too much changes, what comes from Fluoxetine. 

Scared to make things worse. 

Edited August 8, 2020 by Erell

[Longroadhome]

4 minutes ago, Erell said:

Dear community, I wanna apologize for the triggering post : for the first time in my life, I might be discovering what people call "akathisia" and it makes me lost my grounding and all I've learned since one year.

 

@Longroadhome, @Cigale, @mustafa, @Hanna72, @Vegalia, @Mimi79 : thank you, your words mean everything ❤️ 

 

@Altostrata : thank you ❤️ it's really hard to guess what comes from Paxil WD, what comes from too much changes, what comes from Fluoxetine. 

Try not to worry it’s usually intermittent and eventually fades x 

[Altostrata]

I think 8mg is too strong for you. You started to feel it as it was ramping up. A little less might be the "sweet spot".

[Rosetta]

E,

 

I had a period of time when my anxiety and restlessness returned in the evenings after dropping down to a manageable level in the afternoons.  It’s not fun.  It is, however, not surprising.  Yes, it sounds like it could be a mild form akathisia.  I’m my opinion, the dividing line between aka and high anxiety is not very sharp.  One of the moderators suggested that I was experiencing something similar to “sundowner’s syndrome.”  I hope that Alto’s suggestion gives you some relief.  As I may have mentioned, hot baths or showers were helpful.  It’s hard to have the anxiety return in the afternoons or evenings.

 

Thinking of you, Rosetta

[Cigale]

Last night, I wished upon a beautiful shooting star for you ma chère Erell. Sending healing love ❤️ to you.

 

[Erell]

hello, 

 

Had a better night (4hours straight sleep).

Felt a bit calmer today : still surges to escape and restlessness, but less constant, had some easier times.

Grateful for this relief !

 

19 hours ago, Rosetta said:

 Yes, it sounds like it could be a mild form akathisia.  I’m my opinion, the dividing line between aka and high anxiety is not very sharp.  

You're right, you can't always distinguish restlessness from anxiety. 

What was new for me was the very intense surges to escape (don't know how to describe it, it's a need to escape from body/mind), and the intensity of the restlessness in my body, wanted to jump out of my skin.

 

Followed Altostrata's suggestion and took 7.75mg this morning.

 

You really are angels ❤️

 

[Hanna72]

6 minutes ago, Erell said:

Felt a bit calmer today

Ohhh that just made me emotional to read. Tiny step in the right direction🤞
So glad you could sleep some. 

Praying for more healing coming your way🙏💖
 

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

hello, 

 

Had a better night (4hours straight sleep).

Felt a bit calmer today : still surges to escape and restlessness, but less constant, had some easier times.

Grateful for this relief !

 

You're right, you can't always distinguish restlessness from anxiety. 

What was new for me was the very intense surges to escape (don't know how to describe it, it's a need to escape from body/mind), and the intensity of the restlessness in my body, wanted to jump out of my skin.

 

Followed Altostrata's suggestion and took 7.75mg this morning.

 

You really are angels ❤️

 

Hi Erell 

it’s definitely Akathisia the way you describe it 

so glad you had some relief 

take care 

[Vegalia]

 Hi @Erell

 

Sorry for akathisia. Everybody is different but I know it is something very difficult. I know it. 

But it will go out. 

 

A day is not the other, as you sayed with sleep= 4 h this night : better ! 

 

Je pense bien  à toi vraiment💕

 

Bisous. 

 

L. 😉

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Erell said:

Followed Altostrata's suggestion and took 7.75mg this morning.

 

Good to hear. It will take a week or 2 for the reduction to reach full effect, but sounds like the increase to 8mg is leveling off, so that's a good thing.

 

Activation from an SSRI is not the same as akathisia. It sounds like you found the increase in Prozac to be activating as it was ramping up. The sensation may have been a shift in your paroxetine withdrawal syndrome, too. Perhaps it's settling down now.

[Rosetta]

How are you feeling now?  Hope it’s better.

[Erell]

Thank you for asking ☺

 

Well, have to admit that things are pretty rough. I'm quite disabled and mostly housebound since June.

 

My main symptoms are : high anxiety / restlessness (mental or physical) / depression.

Intensity oscillates, but stay quite high.

Random relay between those three.

I also have other symptoms but they don't interfere too much with my abilities (nausea, headaches, some burning skin, ..).

 

As Altostrata said, it is impossible to know what is causing what. I've made so many changes in order to crossover, my CNS is probably highly destabilised and need some rest.

 

I don't manage to be functionnal enough to work or spend time with friends or family, so I focus my efforts on dailycare :

- walk at least 30min everyday

- cook meals

- toolkit : mindfullness, relaxation, breathing, EFT,...

- changing the channel : cleaning my flat, gardening, puzzles,...

 

I'm quite exhausted : it's been a bumpy and harsh year since my crash in August 2019. I have issues to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I just hope that I'm gonna be able to stabilise on Fluoxetine.

And, with time, be able to find a new job and to spend time with people.

 

I don't know if it will help others, just in case : when I feel like giving up, I focus on pictures of me when I was a child.

I look at this smiling child, and realise that I can't give up.

My inner child deserve a bright life and joy, and I know I will give it to her ☺

Edited August 14, 2020 by Erell

[mstimc]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

I don't know if it will help others, just in case : when I feel like giving up, I focus on pictures of me when I was a child.

I look at this smiling child, and realise that I can't give up.

My inner child deserve a bright life and joy, and I know I will give it to her ☺

 

That's a great strategy, Erell.  We deserve to be just as happy as were as children, when our minds and lives were uncluttered by anxiety.

[Longroadhome]

@Erell

that's a wonderful way to look at It . 

It’s  funny but I’ve been listening to music that was around (we have a special radio station dedicated to this) when I was a young girl and I’ve found myself singing along and taking trips down memory  lane to happy times of yesteryear . It’s taken me outside the suffering. 
take care 

hold on your time for healing is close 

😊

[Cigale]

5 hours ago, Erell said:

when I feel like giving up, I focus on pictures of me when I was a child.

I look at this smiling child, and realise that I can't give up.

My inner child deserve a bright life and joy, and I know I will give it to her ☺

 

Ma chère @Erell - Thank you for this beautiful advice. Even when you are down, you still find the courage to bring light to our lives. You are truly amazing. Holding you in my heart and hoping for healing. ❤️

[Erell]

Just in case folks might want to try :

 

Things are really rough these days and I live on my own without interactions.

Yesterday evening I felt a urge to be touched/massage/hugs.

While going to bed I took a very soft make-up brush and spent time lovingly caressing my face and neck.

I also was listening to soothing music.

 

And yes, I think it calmed me. It helped me to fall asleep ❤

 

Cheers to make-up brushes !

Edited August 15, 2020 by Erell

[mstimc]

Great idea, Erell--very resourceful!

[Vegalia]

Salut @Erell

 

Tu es pleine de ressources, d'idées, de facultés d'adaptation, je suis impressionnée. 

Si forte d'arriver à marcher tous les jours. 

 

Et bien moi je n'ai pas de pinceau de maquillage mais il m'arrive de prendre une peluche, un nounours offert par une personne que j'aime beaucoup. C'est très enfantin, mais je m'en fiche. 

 

Bisous😘

 

 

[Hanna72]

Dear Erell

Your spirit shines through this forum of kindness and encouragement towards others. 
I know you are having a hard time and my heart breaks for you. I can relate to being isolated and going this journey alone. You have so much resilience and courage, that one can only admire you. I also used my own hands to stroke my face, and a makeup brush is an excellent idea. I also used to say out loud comforting words to myself in hard times. Like I was listening to someone talking to me. These times call for all kinds of comfort and you are truly resourceful.

Remember your goal, see your self at the destination. You deserve to live as your own best self and remember that there is a reason why you entered this forum, you already know that you can do this.

 

Tough times don’t last

tough people do.

Hugs to you💖

 

[Rosetta]

Érrel,

 

I’m thinking of you.  
 

My phone wants to call you Errol or Erello with an accent over the E.  I can erase the o, but not the accent.  Sorry.  
 

You are going a great job of caring for yourself.  It’s going to be worth it.

 

Rosetta

 

 

[Erell]

On 7/12/2020 at 9:00 PM, Altostrata said:

No, your switch to Prozac did not fail, there's every evidence it will work. You just need to find the right Prozac dosage.

 

Estimating how much Prozac to substitute is always tricky.

 

 

With the hope it might help folks in the future : 

 

Looking at my daily notes, I see that 7.5mg Fluoxetine might have been the right dosage. 

I was not doing good, but, for the first time since June, I was having easier and calmer moments : it lasted only a few minutes (1hour twice) but happened regularly ( 24/25/26/27/30/31 July).

 

As I was still struggling a lot with symptoms, I interpreted the pattern as a need of an updose in Fluoxetine dosage.

 

I now realise that my easier moments were probably a sign that I should have stayed on 7.5mg and be patient.

 

As Altostrata said, while in a crossover, estimating the amount is tricky.

(And I thank her for her support during these tricky decisions).

 

The tricky part of it led me to obsess about updoses in order to find the magic dose that would erase Paxil WD symptoms.

Doing that, I paid attention to symptoms instead of paying attention to the good signs.

 

In the desperate need to feel better, I've destabilised my CNS further, and the easier moments went away. All my fault, and I'm working on acceptance and not beating myself. 

 

WD lesson : even in a crossover, the need to do something to get better has to be taken very carefully.

And in a crossover, "more is not necessarily better" too.

Edited August 15, 2020 by Erell

[Vegalia]

Hi @Erell

 

Please dear Erell, don't feel guilty. 

Our reactions with antidepressants are so differents. It isn't your fault.

 

And don't forget.  All is not linear. 

 

You are so strong. Don't stop to believe in yourself. I believe in you. 

 

Bisous de réconfort. ❤️ 

 

(Je ne sais pas si mon anglais est correct mais tu comprendras ce que j'ai voulu dire je pense) 

 

L.

[Altostrata]

How are you feeling on 7.75mg?

[Erell]

41 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

How are you feeling on 7.75mg?

 

It's only been a week.

 

Since going on 8mg, then 7.75mg, I'm feeling worse than on 7.5mg in the sense that I don't have moments of relief or oscillations.

 

- new symptom : obsessive thoughts/intrusive thoughts ( for example : I'm driving my car and suddenly I get the thought of going straight into other cars, or over the bridge.). + feeling of going crazy, loosing control.

I try to apply my mindfullness tips and just observe it, but it is distressing.

 

(Sleep is ok : I get around 5-6 hours)

 

Edited August 15, 2020 by Erell

[Altostrata]

Yes, maybe 7.5mg would be better. Did you stop paroxetine?

[Erell]

9 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Yes, maybe 7.5mg would be better. Did you stop paroxetine?

 

No I didn't stop Paroxetine : I still take 0.03mg every morning at 7.30am.

 

Don't know how you still get the patience to help me during this never ending crossover. 

Hard to express all my gratitude.

 

All my requests and needs of reassurance makes me realise that I have a huge work to do before considering going off AD's in the future.

[Altostrata]

I would stop paroxetine, especially since it seems you're taking a bit too much fluoxetine.

[Erell]

Just now, Altostrata said:

I would stop paroxetine, especially since it seems you're taking a bit too much fluoxetine.

 

(Last question)

 

- stop Paroxetine and take 7.5mg Fluoxetine 

 

Or

 

- stop Paroxetine and take 7.75mg Fluoxetine?

 

(Sorry, foggy brain)

[Altostrata]

Just now, Erell said:

- stop Paroxetine and take 7.5mg Fluoxetine 

 

You could probably do both, since it will take a couple of weeks for the fluoxetine level to decline.

[MissyE]

Thinking of you E. Love Missy, hugs