Popular Post julia955 Posted October 27, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted October 27, 2019 My original post: So, as of right now I am 17 months completely off all medication. I consider myself fully healed and am so happy to be able to write this because I want others to know that full healing IS possible, even in extreme cases. As I spoke about in my original thread, I was put on an SSRI at 5 years old for anxiety. While at first it seemed to 'help', as I got older my psychiatrist kept on raising the dose until I was essentially a zombie from about age 14-18. It caused many problems and I went from being a very social and happy kid to a sullen, antisocial, shell of what I was. I believe it also gave me bouts of depression, as I never had depression before I was on it and my most depressed periods always came after a dosage increase. It was very painful to me to think about how I had my adolescence and happiness taken from me by this drug and the people who kept me on it not seeing what it was doing to me, but I've reached a point in my life now where I can forgive and am too happy about life now and my future to dwell on that. I really want others to know, if you were put on these meds before you were even old enough to consent to being on them, I understand your pain, and assure you that even in a case like this, you CAN heal, and a life without depending on these drugs IS possible. I know there likely aren't many of us but I know others like me do exist and I hope somehow you find this post and my story can help you in some way. The medications I was on during this period were Zoloft and Celexa (I switched to the latter when I was 13), and I was on the highest doses of each (200mg and 40mg, respectively). When I was 18 years old, I had a stressful period and since it was my first time living away from home at college I started to come to some realizations about how crazy the whole thing was that I was taking these medications without even really understanding as to why I was on them still and not feeling like it was in any way my decision to take them. This was in 2014 and because I was young, and felt invincible and naive I essentially just stopped taking it (Celexa 40mg at this point). I'm not sure about how much detail is necessary here about what followed (although I'm more than happy to answer any questions anyone has and am an open book), but basically, I was ok for a couple of months, but then suffered for the next 4 years with intense, excruciating withdrawal symptoms that ranged from extremely painful physical and medical things to hellish mental symptoms. To this day it amazes me what this drug did to my system, as I never imagined that it could affect things that it affected (my blood tests from my first year of withdrawal confounded even the fancy, expensive doctors I went to). I suffered more than any teenager/young adult should ever have to suffer. I spent literally 3 years basically bedridden, in severe physical and mental pain, not knowing what was going on or if it was ever going to end. I felt like my soul was in crisis, and like I had no sense of self or purpose anymore. Growing up on these meds, I had to come to terms with the fact that I hadn't really been myself from age 5 to 18. But instead of starting over, and forming who I really was, I was unable to even do that because of the physical and mental pain I was in and inability to do anything with my life. I could go on and on with more specifics, but I feel it's more important now to explain what I believe really healed me (And I do consider myself healed now-- I went from being bedridden in pain, dysfunction, and chaos, barely even able to stand and walk sometimes, and completely hopeless about life and feeling out of control, to completely healthy, functional, happy, and living my best life). I think all of us who go through this suffer on a level that others can't really comprehend. But some of us may not realize that there is, in fact, an upside to this. When we're immobilized by pain, and crippled with mental symptoms like depression and anxiety, we have no choice but to just sit and be with ourselves. And this is where we find and understand who our true selves are. This might sound strange or "woo woo", but the major catalyst that really jumpstarted my healing was finding the calm within the storm. I highly recommend meditation for everyone going through this because for me it is what helped me access the part of me that was happy and calm independent of all external circumstances. The more I was able to quiet all my thoughts, the quicker I felt my healing process going. I really went through a spiritual journey, especially this past year when my healing really cemented, and I can honestly say that I've emerged not only healed, but a happier and wiser person than before this all started. I made the decision that I was going to heal, I made the decision that I was going to find happiness and joy and the life I wanted, whatever it took. I feel happier and more excited about life than I ever have (and my body and mind feel amazing). When you let go of stress, worrying, sadness, and negative thoughts, even when the situation outside you really is negative, you will be shocked at how things change. This whole journey is a spiritual journey for all of us. Yes, there are physical effects from this drug, but healing really takes place when we harness the light that exists in us even when things are at their worst. It's a highly personal path, but I really believe it is possible for everyone to overcome this. Supplements can help, but the power of the mind is limitless and infinitely more rewarding. Sparknotes version - meditate daily- quiet your mind. This is so beneficial for mental and physical health. - be aware of your thoughts, and as best you can, limit stressful and negative thoughts. For the first few years of withdrawal, my thinking was constantly "Life is so unfair", "I'm in so much pain", "What if this never ends?", "I am in hell", "Life sucks", etc. If this process has taught me anything, it's that your thoughts do matter, more than you know. Once I started changing my thoughts, my body and mind literally started to change. - journal. Writing down your thoughts can be very cathartic and can even help purge negativity that could be holding you back. Also, as counterintuitive as it may sound, you can even "fake" journal, i.e. write as if you have already healed, write as if you are happy and healthy. - Something I didn't mention in the full post, but VERY important-- when it comes to supplements, start one at a time, and start at a low dose. I know this is mentioned on this site many times, but I didn't take it seriously. I can't tell you how many months I literally lost because my SUPPLEMENTS were giving me symptoms that I thought were just part of the withdrawal, but were actually from the supplements I thought were supposed to help my withdrawal! As Altostrata is always saying, our bodies are very sensitized when in withdrawal and we can have seriously adverse reactions to things that seem super benign. Fish oil, for example, gave me heart palpitations. Ashwagandha, a 'gentle herb' that I had only read good things about, gave me major joint pain and digestive issues. PLEASE start supplements one at a time, at a low dose, wait a couple weeks and see how you're reacting to them. Everyone is different, and only you know what works and doesn't work for you. Keep track of what you're taking and don't fall into the trap of thinking "Oh, it's just a natural supplement, that can't be causing anything". That's how I used to think too and I went through even more pain because of it. There were times that I thought because my brain had developed on these drugs and I was on them so long, I'd never heal. But I did, and I'm in an even better place than I think I would have been if I hadn't gone through this. I am a genuinely happy person, I've formed deep connections with people, I have hope for my life and feel so happy and secure on my path, and I have really learned to appreciate the little things. Most importantly, I learned the importance of my thoughts and how they really affect all aspects of my life. I believe we are all meant to have a happy and healthy life, and it's possible to reclaim that right even when things seem utterly hopeless and bleak. Remember that you have more power than you know. We are a greater and more powerful force than these drugs are! 26 2001-2011 Zoloft up to 150mg 2011-2013 celexa up to 40mg 2013-2014-begin reducing celexa to 20mg 2014-2016-on and off celexa up to 30mg 2017- Zoloft up to 150mg may 2018-cold turkey Zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oliver1974 Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 Excellent post in every way. Thank you 1 May 2018- 75 mg Zoloft - 75 mg Trazadone - 0.75 mg Xanax March 2019- 75 mg Zoloft- 2 mg / 1 ml liquid Diazepam August 2019 - ended diazepam taper - 75 mg Zoloft My intro thread: Oliver1974: sertraline / Zoloft tapering My benzo thread: Oliver1974: Benzo withdrawal and backache Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidxRoss Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 Hi julia. Can you elaborate a bit about how long exactly were you ok after stopping CT? and what does it mean exactly? Did you notice any changes in your mood during first few months? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantrelief Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 This is such a beautiful post, Julia.....thank you for sharing your recovery story and your insights. 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; calcium Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg; 5/4/24: 1.04 mg; 5/11/24: 1.01 mg; 5/18/24: .99 mg; 6/8/24: .97mg; 6/15/24: .95 mg; 6/22/24: .92 mg; 6/29/24: .90 mg; 7/13/24: .88 mg; 7/20/24: .86 mg; 7/27/24: .84 mg; 8/3/24: .82 mg; 8/17/24: .80 mg; 8/24/24: .79 mg; 9/2/24: .77 mg; 9/8/24: .75 mg; 9/29/24: .72 mg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julia955 Posted November 2, 2019 Author Share Posted November 2, 2019 5 hours ago, DavidxRoss said: Hi julia. Can you elaborate a bit about how long exactly were you ok after stopping CT? and what does it mean exactly? Did you notice any changes in your mood during first few months? Well, if you count from the first time I ever tried to withdraw, that was about 6 years ago. However, I was constantly reinstating and at this point it's been almost 18 months since I've taken anything. And I would say at the 14 month mark my symptoms were dramatically better to the point I could function almost as well as before I withdrew, and at this point I consider myself recovered. Unfortunately it's impossible for me to know what exactly I did that helped me heal because I did so many things. And many of the things I tried made me feel worse but I don't know if that was part of the healing process or not. I believe the most important factors were time, a complete change of mindset, meditation, and the 'four essentials' as my mom always reminded me to stay on top of haha: hydration, nutrition, rest, and movement. The beginning of this year I reached a turning point where I prioritized lowering stress as much as possible and staying happy, and whatever I needed to do to do that, I'd do. Because I couldn't do much of anything, I really feel like I started to have a spiritual experience where I trusted completely that I was going to heal and this experience was going to serve an important purpose for my life. That filled me with peace even when I was physically uncomfortable. This was very unexpected and rewarding for me because prior to this I had spent a lot of my life and withdrawal as a cynic and pessimist who didn't believe that my thoughts had any affect on my life. This experience has shown me firsthand that a change in thinking and belief can really change what happens to your body and promote healing. Another thing that I didn't mention is that, very recently I discovered I can tolerate vitamins which to me was a sign that my nervous system has come out of a hypersensitive state. I basically wanted to experiment with a multivitamin and although the first 3 days I took it I had some worsening of symptoms, then that went away and I actually started to feel better and much more energetic. It was a really positive sign for me. I have read that sometimes when someone has a deficiency there are worsening of symptoms before they get better. Unfortunately in withdrawal the worsening is just too extreme with us to stick with it but I do think a lot of us have deficiencies just because of how stressful this is on the body and the fact that apparently these drugs can deplete things. But it's tough to weigh the benefits vs risks when taking them. I did unfortunately have dramatic mood issues up until this year. I was physically so uncomfortable and unable to deal with it that I was extremely angry and other times I entered deep states of depression and suicidality. Since I didn't even go on this drug for depression it really speaks volumes what it does to our brains. Other times I had severe anxiety, inability to make decisions. And at the beginning of withdrawal I think I entered a short period of mania where I spent a ton of money and couldn't think stably or rationally at all. I was filled with intense anger and sadness about the whole situation and how it made me lose years of my life and suffer so much. So my moods did really suffer and the worst were the periods of intense depression, but I'm so thankful I made it through that. 4 2001-2011 Zoloft up to 150mg 2011-2013 celexa up to 40mg 2013-2014-begin reducing celexa to 20mg 2014-2016-on and off celexa up to 30mg 2017- Zoloft up to 150mg may 2018-cold turkey Zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trenace Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 6 hours ago, julia955 said: Well, if you count from the first time I ever tried to withdraw, that was about 6 years ago. However, I was constantly reinstating and at this point it's been almost 18 months since I've taken anything. And I would say at the 14 month mark my symptoms were dramatically better to the point I could function almost as well as before I withdrew, and at this point I consider myself recovered. Unfortunately it's impossible for me to know what exactly I did that helped me heal because I did so many things. And many of the things I tried made me feel worse but I don't know if that was part of the healing process or not. I believe the most important factors were time, a complete change of mindset, meditation, and the 'four essentials' as my mom always reminded me to stay on top of haha: hydration, nutrition, rest, and movement. The beginning of this year I reached a turning point where I prioritized lowering stress as much as possible and staying happy, and whatever I needed to do to do that, I'd do. Because I couldn't do much of anything, I really feel like I started to have a spiritual experience where I trusted completely that I was going to heal and this experience was going to serve an important purpose for my life. That filled me with peace even when I was physically uncomfortable. This was very unexpected and rewarding for me because prior to this I had spent a lot of my life and withdrawal as a cynic and pessimist who didn't believe that my thoughts had any affect on my life. This experience has shown me firsthand that a change in thinking and belief can really change what happens to your body and promote healing. Another thing that I didn't mention is that, very recently I discovered I can tolerate vitamins which to me was a sign that my nervous system has come out of a hypersensitive state. I basically wanted to experiment with a multivitamin and although the first 3 days I took it I had some worsening of symptoms, then that went away and I actually started to feel better and much more energetic. It was a really positive sign for me. I have read that sometimes when someone has a deficiency there are worsening of symptoms before they get better. Unfortunately in withdrawal the worsening is just too extreme with us to stick with it but I do think a lot of us have deficiencies just because of how stressful this is on the body and the fact that apparently these drugs can deplete things. But it's tough to weigh the benefits vs risks when taking them. I did unfortunately have dramatic mood issues up until this year. I was physically so uncomfortable and unable to deal with it that I was extremely angry and other times I entered deep states of depression and suicidality. Since I didn't even go on this drug for depression it really speaks volumes what it does to our brains. Other times I had severe anxiety, inability to make decisions. And at the beginning of withdrawal I think I entered a short period of mania where I spent a ton of money and couldn't think stably or rationally at all. I was filled with intense anger and sadness about the whole situation and how it made me lose years of my life and suffer so much. So my moods did really suffer and the worst were the periods of intense depression, but I'm so thankful I made it through that. Hey, awesome success it's weird how I can be so happy for someone I don't know lol. 🙃 I just wanted to say I hope you enjoy your new life, but don't go overboard with all sorts of supplements and stuff because I came out of the nervous system hypersensitivity in January too but after a course of antibiotics my symptoms all came back and I've become hypersensitive to supplements again so just be careful still. I can really relate to your mood swings and anger and everything so can't really explain how happy I am that you managed to come out of it. Goodluck with everything now and have fun you deserve it. 2 Fluanxol dosage n/a - 6 months cold turkey Start/ may 2015 end/august 2015 Sertraline 100mg - 10 months cold turkey start/ may 2015 End/Feb 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa5000 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Hello Julia, thank you very much for sharing your story! This is just what I need to read on a regular basis. I read some books about how thoughts can influence your life and health. I suspect it influences my recovery somewhat. I don't know how big the power of thoughts are. In heavy withdrawal or in a wave not much seems to help. I notice that the longer I hold my dose after a reduction, the more positive my thoughts become.(Automatically without effort) I agree that meditation is helpfull. I take fishoil without problems now. But thanks for warning about the heart palpitations from it. I still have to taper a lot so when I come to lower doses it might happen to me too. I'll pay attention to that. 1 2019 2.1 mg amitriptyline ,15th july 2.1 mg, 22-7 2.09 mg, 29-7 2.08 mg, 5-8 2.09 mg , 7-8 2.1 mg . 2020 Holding at 2.1 mg 2019 125 mg lyrica, 15th july 124,5 mg, 22-7 124 mg, 29-7 123,5 mg, 4-8 124 mg 2020 holding at 124 mg 2015 january building up my medication to 450 mg lyrica and 50 mg amitriptyline for face ache after a rootcanal treatment at the dentist. 2016 february start tapering lyrica from 450 mg to 200 mg 2016 october tapered 25 mg amitriptyline to 25 mg 2017 tapered lyrica from 200 mg to 100 mg 2017 september tapered my last tablet of 25 mg amitriptyline to zero (horrible muscle pain started) 2018 february tapered lyrica from 100 mg to 75 mg (my muscle pain got worse and I have a lot of nervepain in my arms and legs, sometimes all over musclepain and nerve pain and burning pain) 2018 may reinstated 25 mg lyrica. My current dose is 100 mg lyrica. My pain is still very bad but a little less intense, my mood improved. 2018 since 22th may updose amitriptyline. 9 beads. 2018 june updosing lyrica. 2018 16 th june 125 mg lyrica and 9 beads amitriptyline ( 2mg) Now I'm doing a long hold. I can't taper anymore. Too much pain. I hope to stabilize and improve while holding. I'm trying graded activity to get rid of my pain. 2019 1 jan. Lyrica 125 mg (holding) 2019 1 jan. Amitriptyline tapering from 9 beads to 8 beads (1 jan. 2019), 8,5 beads (5 jan 19), 9 beads (16 jan 19) tapper attempt failed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa5000 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Julia, you mention you were bedridden. How long were you bedridden after you stopped 18 months ago? 1 2019 2.1 mg amitriptyline ,15th july 2.1 mg, 22-7 2.09 mg, 29-7 2.08 mg, 5-8 2.09 mg , 7-8 2.1 mg . 2020 Holding at 2.1 mg 2019 125 mg lyrica, 15th july 124,5 mg, 22-7 124 mg, 29-7 123,5 mg, 4-8 124 mg 2020 holding at 124 mg 2015 january building up my medication to 450 mg lyrica and 50 mg amitriptyline for face ache after a rootcanal treatment at the dentist. 2016 february start tapering lyrica from 450 mg to 200 mg 2016 october tapered 25 mg amitriptyline to 25 mg 2017 tapered lyrica from 200 mg to 100 mg 2017 september tapered my last tablet of 25 mg amitriptyline to zero (horrible muscle pain started) 2018 february tapered lyrica from 100 mg to 75 mg (my muscle pain got worse and I have a lot of nervepain in my arms and legs, sometimes all over musclepain and nerve pain and burning pain) 2018 may reinstated 25 mg lyrica. My current dose is 100 mg lyrica. My pain is still very bad but a little less intense, my mood improved. 2018 since 22th may updose amitriptyline. 9 beads. 2018 june updosing lyrica. 2018 16 th june 125 mg lyrica and 9 beads amitriptyline ( 2mg) Now I'm doing a long hold. I can't taper anymore. Too much pain. I hope to stabilize and improve while holding. I'm trying graded activity to get rid of my pain. 2019 1 jan. Lyrica 125 mg (holding) 2019 1 jan. Amitriptyline tapering from 9 beads to 8 beads (1 jan. 2019), 8,5 beads (5 jan 19), 9 beads (16 jan 19) tapper attempt failed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TurkeyCold Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Julia, I do highly resonate and sympathize with your initial post. So much truth in it! For the rest of your (hopefully long, long) life I wish you all the best C. 1 Medical history: 11/2015 - Duloxetin 30mg, 12/2015 - Duloxetin 60mg, 4/2016 - CT 8/2016 - Duloxetin 60mg, 2/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 4/2017 - CT 7/2017 - Duloxetin 60mg, 9/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 11/2017 - CT 3.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 10.5.2018 - Milnacipran 50mg, 20.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 24.5.2018 - CT and protracted WD Supplements: none Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julia955 Posted November 3, 2019 Author Share Posted November 3, 2019 On 11/2/2019 at 6:39 AM, trenace said: Hey, awesome success it's weird how I can be so happy for someone I don't know lol. 🙃 I just wanted to say I hope you enjoy your new life, but don't go overboard with all sorts of supplements and stuff because I came out of the nervous system hypersensitivity in January too but after a course of antibiotics my symptoms all came back and I've become hypersensitive to supplements again so just be careful still. I can really relate to your mood swings and anger and everything so can't really explain how happy I am that you managed to come out of it. Goodluck with everything now and have fun you deserve it. I definitely won't. However, that's quite interesting (and horrible of course) that antibiotics set you off again. Everyone is different so I dont want to make any generalizations, but through all my research a theory I (and some more holistic Drs) have is that both antidepressants and antibiotics negatively affect our mitochondria and therefore our body has difficulty getting the energy it needs to deal with stressors. Vitamins (especially B vitamins, B1 specifically) can really help this but unfortunately it seems that the more someone needs them, the more a paradoxical reaction occurs where for the first few weeks we feel exponentially worse. I do feel that the kind of hypersensitivity we experience is a part of this. And thank you! I believe fully you're going to get over this too. With patience and the right conditions the body and mind can heal from this. If you're interested this explains it a bit, https://www.hormonesmatter.com/energy-loss-cause-disease/ . I got really into reading all of his work towards the end of withdrawal because his theory suddenly started to make sense of all this to me. The stress of going off the drugs requires a huge amount of energy but because our whole energy system was likely damaged from the drug (or, we became deficient because our needs became so abnormally high), our body goes into crisis. I hope maybe his information can help you like it helped me towards the end! Even the peace of mind I got from understanding on a biological level what might be going on made me feel less crazy and calmed me down a bit, which is always good for healing on its own. 1 2001-2011 Zoloft up to 150mg 2011-2013 celexa up to 40mg 2013-2014-begin reducing celexa to 20mg 2014-2016-on and off celexa up to 30mg 2017- Zoloft up to 150mg may 2018-cold turkey Zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julia955 Posted November 3, 2019 Author Share Posted November 3, 2019 On 11/2/2019 at 8:49 AM, Melissa5000 said: Hello Julia, thank you very much for sharing your story! This is just what I need to read on a regular basis. I read some books about how thoughts can influence your life and health. I suspect it influences my recovery somewhat. I don't know how big the power of thoughts are. In heavy withdrawal or in a wave not much seems to help. I notice that the longer I hold my dose after a reduction, the more positive my thoughts become.(Automatically without effort) I agree that meditation is helpfull. I take fishoil without problems now. But thanks for warning about the heart palpitations from it. I still have to taper a lot so when I come to lower doses it might happen to me too. I'll pay attention to that. That is great that your 'automatic' state gets more positive, I think that's an awesome sign that you are healing :). And after this second round I would say that for the first couple months I was very sick and bedridden, then for a few months after that I was able to start doing basic things and my routine became more 'normal' (definitely not feeling anything close to good or how a person in their early 20s should, but at least I could get up every day and do basic things and errands and read and occasionally do things with friends/family). Then at the 6-7 month mark I was back in bed but mainly for depression, not physical symptoms. Ok again for a few months, then physical symptoms hit again...then at the year mark I had two months of feeling totally normal, then a setback..as you can see, the windows and waves definitely applied to me but every time I was hit with symptoms they weren't quite as bad, and every time I got better, it was much better than the last time. It was kind of a chaotic pattern but I could tell during my last 'window', I had a good feeling that the next time I felt better it would be for good because I had never had a window of feeling that normal before. I can't predict the future so I don't know if in six months, a year, etc another wave will come, but I believe that if it does it will be very minor compared to what they were during my first year. I really feel in balance and safe and resilient in my body again. 2001-2011 Zoloft up to 150mg 2011-2013 celexa up to 40mg 2013-2014-begin reducing celexa to 20mg 2014-2016-on and off celexa up to 30mg 2017- Zoloft up to 150mg may 2018-cold turkey Zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa5000 Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Thank you very much for your answer! Your story is giving me hope. 1 2019 2.1 mg amitriptyline ,15th july 2.1 mg, 22-7 2.09 mg, 29-7 2.08 mg, 5-8 2.09 mg , 7-8 2.1 mg . 2020 Holding at 2.1 mg 2019 125 mg lyrica, 15th july 124,5 mg, 22-7 124 mg, 29-7 123,5 mg, 4-8 124 mg 2020 holding at 124 mg 2015 january building up my medication to 450 mg lyrica and 50 mg amitriptyline for face ache after a rootcanal treatment at the dentist. 2016 february start tapering lyrica from 450 mg to 200 mg 2016 october tapered 25 mg amitriptyline to 25 mg 2017 tapered lyrica from 200 mg to 100 mg 2017 september tapered my last tablet of 25 mg amitriptyline to zero (horrible muscle pain started) 2018 february tapered lyrica from 100 mg to 75 mg (my muscle pain got worse and I have a lot of nervepain in my arms and legs, sometimes all over musclepain and nerve pain and burning pain) 2018 may reinstated 25 mg lyrica. My current dose is 100 mg lyrica. My pain is still very bad but a little less intense, my mood improved. 2018 since 22th may updose amitriptyline. 9 beads. 2018 june updosing lyrica. 2018 16 th june 125 mg lyrica and 9 beads amitriptyline ( 2mg) Now I'm doing a long hold. I can't taper anymore. Too much pain. I hope to stabilize and improve while holding. I'm trying graded activity to get rid of my pain. 2019 1 jan. Lyrica 125 mg (holding) 2019 1 jan. Amitriptyline tapering from 9 beads to 8 beads (1 jan. 2019), 8,5 beads (5 jan 19), 9 beads (16 jan 19) tapper attempt failed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timberline Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 (edited) Hi Julia! I see your location is NYC. I'm on Long Island. I find your story so inspiring. Wondering if we might be able to connect via email? Thank you so much and congrats on your beautiful new life! xo Edited December 11, 2019 by manymoretodays sent PM, regarding starting introduction, and using PM to exchange e-mails Tried tapering multiple times before. Always too quick but of course each attempt thinking *this time it'll be different!* Finally got real about how long this might take and prepped for my final attempt! (Spoiler alert: it worked!) 2020 (First 6 months were a breeze!) June 2, 2020 - 9mg, June 15, 2020 - 8.6mg, June 29, 2020 - 8.1mg, July 27, 2020 - 7.7mg, August 3, 2020 - 7.0mg, August 25, 2020 - 6.0mg, October 1, 2020 - 5.4mg, October 26, 2020 - 4.9mg, November 8, 2020 -4.6mg, November 29, 2020 - 4.2mg, December 14, 2020 - 4.0mg, December 28, 2020 - 3.6mg 2021 (Some symptoms began) February 10, 2021 - 3.4mg, February 24, 2021 - 3.2mg, March 12, 2021 - 3.1mg, March 29, 2021 - 2.8mg (ran into a 2 week wave here of intense morning anxiety, sleep issues, nausea and intrusive thoughts), April 11, 2021 - Went back up to 3.1mg, May 3, 2021 - 2.8mg, May 19, 2021 - 2.6mg, May 31, 2021 - 2.5mg, June 15, 2021 - 2.3mg, July 7, 2021 - 1.9mg, August 9, 2021 - 1.6mg, August 28, 2021 - 1.3mg, September 19, 2021 - 1mg (insomnia began here but not consistent), October 12, 2021 - .8mg, November 23, 2021 - .7mg, December 11, 2021 - .6mg, December 26, 2021 - .5mg 2022 (Insomnia induced dark night of the soul) January 21, 2022 - .4mg, February 10, 2022 - .3mg, February 22, 2022 - .2mg (ran into sleep issues so holding at .2mg for now) April 25, 2022 back up to .5mg due to horrendous sleep issues and anxiety, June 1, 2022 stabilized and holding at .5mg, August 31, 2022 switched the liquid lexapro at .5mg, September 20, 2022 .45mg, November 15, 2022 - .4mg, December 29, 2022 - .35mg 2023 (Final stretch was better than expected) January 27, 2023 - .325mg, February 24, 2023 - .3mg, March 17, 2023 - .275mg, April 11, 2023 - .25mg, May 11, 2023 - .2mg, June 12, 2023 - .175mg, July 1, 2023 - .1mg, August 11, 2023 - .05mg, August 30, 2023 - LAST DOSE! Supplements: Magnesium 1000mg throughout the day, Vitamin D 2000mg, Zinc 30mg, Potassium 200mg, Vitamin C 1000mg, Hawthorn, Milky Oats, Rose and Reishi tincture 3x day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonGoku Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 Hi julia, wow your story is amazing, You really earned it to live a happy life. Wish you all the best for your future... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy4 Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 On 10/27/2019 at 12:54 PM, julia955 said: Remember that you have more power than you know. We are a greater and more powerful force than these drugs are! Thank you, Julia, for sharing your story. I had no idea that for years the drugs allowed me to sort of skate by while subsisting on my negative thought patterns. I realized a few weeks ago that I must change my thought patterns. Something I’ve been telling myself during the hardest days is “I’m stronger than these drugs.” And then you put it more eloquently at the end of your story and I thought, “oh good, others believe this, too, and have gotten through this!!!” Thank you, Cathy 1999-2006 Luvox, xanax 2007-2009 Prozac, xanax, klonopin 2009-2018 Zoloft, xanax, klonopin 2019 January zoloft 150mg, February 100mg, April 75mg, mid-May 50mg, July 25mg, (xanax .5mg or .25mg as needed) August zoloft 25mg HOLD, CT xanax, reinstate 50mg zoloft, September reinstate 100mg zoloft w/.375 klonopin, mid-September lower to 75mg zoloft 2020 January: .125mg klonopin February 1st: .112mg klonopin February 24th: 60.3mgai zoloft 2020 December 1st: off klonopin completely currently on 15mgai zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor Heath Posted December 11, 2019 Mentor Share Posted December 11, 2019 Thank you Julia for inspiration for us! Happy you have healed! 1 2000-2013 Paxil - 1 year fast taper 2013-2018 merry go round zoloft, cymbalta, lamictal, Prozac. Nov. 2018 lexapro 15 mgs, Dec. 2019 to Mar. 2020 taper to 10mg. Jul 2020 to October 2020 taper to 8.5 ml. Oct 2020 reinstated to 9 ml. Apr 2021 to Jul taper to 7ml. Oct 2021 to Jan 2022 taper to 5.9ml, Mar 5 2022 5.8 ml, Mar 12 5.7ml, Mar 20 5.6ml, Mar 27 5.5ml, April 23 5.4ml, April 30 5.3ml, May 7 5.2ml, Jul 9 2022 5.4ml, Klonopin prn, Allegra 180 for 3 seasons, aspirin 81 mg, plavix , nitroglycerin 0.4 mg prn, 2k mg turmeric Qunol, 4- Trader Joe’s omega 3 -2400 mg, Pepcid 20mg, Prilosec 40 mg, Tylenol arthritis 4 tablets daily, 350mg calm magnesium citrate, melatonin 2.5- 5mg as needed to sleep. Saline spray as needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subzero42 Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 On 11/3/2019 at 4:14 PM, julia955 said: That is great that your 'automatic' state gets more positive, I think that's an awesome sign that you are healing :). And after this second round I would say that for the first couple months I was very sick and bedridden, then for a few months after that I was able to start doing basic things and my routine became more 'normal' (definitely not feeling anything close to good or how a person in their early 20s should, but at least I could get up every day and do basic things and errands and read and occasionally do things with friends/family). Then at the 6-7 month mark I was back in bed but mainly for depression, not physical symptoms. Ok again for a few months, then physical symptoms hit again...then at the year mark I had two months of feeling totally normal, then a setback..as you can see, the windows and waves definitely applied to me but every time I was hit with symptoms they weren't quite as bad, and every time I got better, it was much better than the last time. It was kind of a chaotic pattern but I could tell during my last 'window', I had a good feeling that the next time I felt better it would be for good because I had never had a window of feeling that normal before. I can't predict the future so I don't know if in six months, a year, etc another wave will come, but I believe that if it does it will be very minor compared to what they were during my first year. I really feel in balance and safe and resilient in my body again. 1 2017 Feb : Lexapro 10mg. 2017 May : Lexapro 20mg. 2017 Nov : CT Lexapro 2017 Dec : Reinstated Lexapro 20mg. 2018 Feb : Lexapro 20 + Effexor 75 May to December : Taper Lexapro 2019 Apr : Effexor 56mg 2019 May : Effexor 37,5mg 2019 Jun : Effexor 18,75mg 2019 Aug : Reinstated Effexor 37,5mg. 2020 Oct : Slowly updose Effexor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subzero42 Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 Hello Julia, I’m glad to see that you consider yourself healed. It gives me hope with what I’m going through. I wish you never enter a wave again but if it’s the case, do not hesitate to post again in the future to let us know how you feel. Wish you the best 1 2017 Feb : Lexapro 10mg. 2017 May : Lexapro 20mg. 2017 Nov : CT Lexapro 2017 Dec : Reinstated Lexapro 20mg. 2018 Feb : Lexapro 20 + Effexor 75 May to December : Taper Lexapro 2019 Apr : Effexor 56mg 2019 May : Effexor 37,5mg 2019 Jun : Effexor 18,75mg 2019 Aug : Reinstated Effexor 37,5mg. 2020 Oct : Slowly updose Effexor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smketdie Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 @julia955 thanks for this,really it means a lot. I quit at the same age you quit celexa(cted zoloft at 18). Iam now 19 and have been in wd for longer than 1 year. I was medicated when I was 14. I have many CTs and am just waiting for the way out of this. 1 (14 years old)2014-2015 {Prozac,ritalin and concerta} 2015-2016 {Prozac changed to Zoloft 100 mg kept taking ritalin and concerta occasionaly} 2017-2018 {CTed Zoloft began taking a lot of concerta(72mg sometimes 144mg a day) and ritalin} 2018-sept of 2018 {CT'ed concerta and ritalin.Started Zoloft 50 mg sept of 2018-sept 2019 {CT'ed Zoloft. 3 months later after 3 weed usages(my first times) hell started.} sept 2019- {reinstate 25 mg Zoloft huge derealization and neck numbness and had an attack at night went to ER.Used ativan couple times. Week later cipralex (Lexapro) 12,5 given .Had huge brain shakes and restlessness.Ativan used.No drugs being used right now.} Supplements: Nothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SufferingCelexa Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 On 10/27/2019 at 12:54 PM, julia955 said: I learned the importance of my thoughts and how they really affect all aspects of my life. I believe we are all meant to have a happy and healthy life, and it's possible to reclaim that right even when things seem utterly hopeless and bleak. Remember that you have more power than you know. We are a greater and more powerful force than these drugs are! Thank you for the inspiration. Trying meditation now too. I started Celexa in high school. I'm really embarrassed to see old friends now. I don't know what happened to me. 1 Started Celexa as a sophmore in high school around 2014/2015 I think I took Vyvance 2016/2017 Increased Celexa to 40 mg by 2018 Began to taper Celexa on 12/29/19, cut 1/4 of the 40 mg per week Last dose of Celexa on 1/19/20 Reinstated 1 mg liquid Celexa in March 2020 Currently still taking 1 mg liquid Celexa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bolouis Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 julia955 - thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story. I am only in the beginning of mine but reading your words has given me so much hope. I'm so sorry that you suffered so much at the hands of so called medical professionals and these medications from such a young age - I find it unbelievable that this happened to you. I was at least in my 20's when I was given them but continued for the best part of 25 yrs. It's really tough but I'm so grateful that I've found SA and reading stories like yours warms my heart so much. Thank you ❤️ 2 1995 Sertraline 50mg for 6 months - CT resulting in MH breakdown 1996-1998 Various incl. Sertraline, Venlafaxine. a MAOI - tapered off quickly and stopped for 1yr approx. in 1998 1998 MH breakdown then 6 months in a treatment centre for addiction (co-dependency) 2000-2016 Fluoxetine 20mg increased to 40mg. Amitrityline 10mg (for nerve pain) increased to 50mg 2016-Oct 2017 Switch to Citalopram then Escitalopram then Sertraline 50mg increased to 100mg. Tapered (2-3 months) stopped Oct 17 Oct 17-May 18 AD free for 8 months. 1st experience of withdrawal syndrome? May 2018 Duloxetine 60mg. Amitripyline decreased to 10mg Sept 2019 Tapered and stopped Duloxetine (2-3 months, didn't know too fast) by Dec 2019. Withdrawal syndrome by Oct 19 Mar 2020 MH breakdown. Prescribed Mirtazapine 30mg - took for 3 days only Oct 20 stopped Amitriptyline 10mg Present: 50mg Magnesium, 4mg Melotonin, 125mcg Levothyroxine, 1mg Ropinerole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deepu Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 Bro have u faced sexual dsyfunction no libido or no emotions and i also take it for some anxiety and trichotillomania....but from 6 years i have facing problem due to cold turkey and withdrwal.....and how did u quit your medication....cold turkey or tapering.... 2019-till date--bupron xl 150mg and nexito 20 or 10mg for on and off in every 2 months For low libido Start on september of 2019 2017-2019 august ----fluxovin 50mg which cause sexual dsyction I want to ask is there any antidode for sexual and dslsyfuction and emotions and feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julia955 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 Hi Deepu, I'm sorry this is such an incredibly late answer but I rarely come here anymore. I always quit the drug cold turkey (I tried quitting I want to say 3 or 4 times total), which is an extremely unwise thing to do and I wouldn't recommend anyone do so if they haven't come off it already. Yes, the no emotions/libido/sex drive was a big issue for me in withdrawal (strangely, I didn't have any of those issues on the actual med). I went through a long period where I basically just didn't have any good, strong feelings anymore- like my brain was only capable of feeling boredom, depression, or severe catastrophic thinking and anxiety. The physical pain I went through for most of the withdrawal was also far too distracting for me to ever think anything romantic. This has greatly improved for me and now I'm pretty much back to normal. A lot of men who experience sexual issues on the drug tend to heal once they're fully off of it as well. Although for some is persists, that's incredibly rare. 1 2001-2011 Zoloft up to 150mg 2011-2013 celexa up to 40mg 2013-2014-begin reducing celexa to 20mg 2014-2016-on and off celexa up to 30mg 2017- Zoloft up to 150mg may 2018-cold turkey Zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julia955 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 On 5/2/2020 at 11:51 PM, SufferingCelexa said: Thank you for the inspiration. Trying meditation now too. I started Celexa in high school. I'm really embarrassed to see old friends now. I don't know what happened to me. Sending hugs and understanding. I completely understand the embarrassment. I gained a lot of weight in withdrawal and I was in such bad shape. I never wanted to see any human being again because I was so full of shame and sadness. Please do not be embarrassed; you and those close to you know you're dealing with something truly unimaginable. 1 2001-2011 Zoloft up to 150mg 2011-2013 celexa up to 40mg 2013-2014-begin reducing celexa to 20mg 2014-2016-on and off celexa up to 30mg 2017- Zoloft up to 150mg may 2018-cold turkey Zoloft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunflower414 Posted December 2, 2021 Share Posted December 2, 2021 Hi @julia955, I hope you come across this comment. I was put on medications at age 7, so not far from you. I am now 28 and trying to withdrawal. It is so awful & unexplainable. Thank you for sharing hope 🤍 Medicated at age 7. Many med changes (over 20). Tapered off Xanax in 2018. PAXIL TAPER: 2021: Feb. dropped from 20mg to 15mg Paxil. Terrible. Bedridden for 8 months. Oct. - 14.6mg Oct. 27 - 14.2 mg Nov. 14 - 14mg Feb. 28 - 13.6mg March. 28 - 13.4mg April 5 - 13.4mg but introducing liquid (bad reaction) 2022: November 14 - 13.2mg 2023: January 4 - 13mg March 7 - 12.7mg (2.3%) April 20 - 12.4mg (2.4%) May 16 - 12.1mg (2.4%) Aug. 30 - 12mg (.8%) Oct. 19 - switched from tablet to liquid from compounding pharmacy Nov. 12. 11.65mg (2.9%) Nov. 30 - 11.3mg (3%) Dec. 18 - 10.95 (3%) 2024 Jan. 4 - 10.75 (1.8%) Feb. 10 - 10.4 (3.3%) Feb. 28 - 10MG!!!!!! (3.8%) April 9 - 9.95 (.5%) May 24 - 9.7(2.5%) June-July - micro taper to 9.55 Aug. 27 - 9.22 (3%) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren90 Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 On 11/1/2019 at 9:36 PM, julia955 said: The beginning of this year I reached a turning point where I prioritized lowering stress as much as possible and staying happy, and whatever I needed to do to do that, I'd do. Because I couldn't do much of anything, I really feel like I started to have a spiritual experience where I trusted completely that I was going to heal and this experience was going to serve an important purpose for my life. That filled me with peace even when I was physically uncomfortable. This was very unexpected and rewarding for me because prior to this I had spent a lot of my life and withdrawal as a cynic and pessimist who didn't believe that my thoughts had any affect on my life. This experience has shown me firsthand that a change in thinking and belief can really change what happens to your body and promote healing. This!!!!!! I was also put on meds at a very young age, 10 years old, I am now 31 and 3/4 of a way into my taper journey and holding where I am for now because of akathisia, but THIS!!! Well said. I truly believe in a positive mindset. The mind body connection is so strong. 2000-2018 150-200mg Sertraline and Vyvanse 2018- vyvanse 60mg to 0 over 6mo. 200mg Sertraline to 150mg. 2019- 150mg Sertraline to 100mg. Early 2021- 100mg to 87.5, two weeks later 87.5 to 75mg, 1.25-4mg bromazepam PRN. Mid 2021 - Feb 2022 taper 2.5%-5% 75mg to 50mg. March 2022 bromazepam for 3 weeks. May 9th 2022 started Propranolol, 10mg in the morning and 10mg in the evening. July 2022- off propranolol Oct 2022- off birth control. Dec 2022- updose sertraline 100mg, benztropine 1mg and Ativan 1mg. March 2023- stop benztropine. May 2023 - ativan taper finished. May 2023 - updose Sertraline to 125mg added propranolol 40mg added Ativan 1mg. July 5- sertraline 112.5mg propranolol 60mg. By October off propranolol, Ativan and at 100mg Sertraline. Jan 2024 added Guanfacine. Current meds: Guanfacine 3mg ER, Sertraline 100mg, B6, CoQ10, Magnesium Glycinate, prenatal, Benadryl as needed, folic acid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 @julia955 Thank you so much for sharing your story. Truly beautiful to read. Peace, healing, gratitude, A. 1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs) 2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?) Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg --> July 2018 - 0mg 2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg 2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg --> July 2021 - 0mg March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT) --> April 28th, 2021 - 0mg August 2021 - 2mg melatonin August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin 2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc Courage is fear that has said its prayers. - Karle Wilson Baker love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters. - Rev. angel Kyodo williams Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are. - text on homemade banner at Afiya house I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nypeaches89 Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 On 10/27/2019 at 8:54 PM, julia955 said: My original post: So, as of right now I am 17 months completely off all medication. I consider myself fully healed and am so happy to be able to write this because I want others to know that full healing IS possible, even in extreme cases. As I spoke about in my original thread, I was put on an SSRI at 5 years old for anxiety. While at first it seemed to 'help', as I got older my psychiatrist kept on raising the dose until I was essentially a zombie from about age 14-18. It caused many problems and I went from being a very social and happy kid to a sullen, antisocial, shell of what I was. I believe it also gave me bouts of depression, as I never had depression before I was on it and my most depressed periods always came after a dosage increase. It was very painful to me to think about how I had my adolescence and happiness taken from me by this drug and the people who kept me on it not seeing what it was doing to me, but I've reached a point in my life now where I can forgive and am too happy about life now and my future to dwell on that. I really want others to know, if you were put on these meds before you were even old enough to consent to being on them, I understand your pain, and assure you that even in a case like this, you CAN heal, and a life without depending on these drugs IS possible. I know there likely aren't many of us but I know others like me do exist and I hope somehow you find this post and my story can help you in some way. The medications I was on during this period were Zoloft and Celexa (I switched to the latter when I was 13), and I was on the highest doses of each (200mg and 40mg, respectively). When I was 18 years old, I had a stressful period and since it was my first time living away from home at college I started to come to some realizations about how crazy the whole thing was that I was taking these medications without even really understanding as to why I was on them still and not feeling like it was in any way my decision to take them. This was in 2014 and because I was young, and felt invincible and naive I essentially just stopped taking it (Celexa 40mg at this point). I'm not sure about how much detail is necessary here about what followed (although I'm more than happy to answer any questions anyone has and am an open book), but basically, I was ok for a couple of months, but then suffered for the next 4 years with intense, excruciating withdrawal symptoms that ranged from extremely painful physical and medical things to hellish mental symptoms. To this day it amazes me what this drug did to my system, as I never imagined that it could affect things that it affected (my blood tests from my first year of withdrawal confounded even the fancy, expensive doctors I went to). I suffered more than any teenager/young adult should ever have to suffer. I spent literally 3 years basically bedridden, in severe physical and mental pain, not knowing what was going on or if it was ever going to end. I felt like my soul was in crisis, and like I had no sense of self or purpose anymore. Growing up on these meds, I had to come to terms with the fact that I hadn't really been myself from age 5 to 18. But instead of starting over, and forming who I really was, I was unable to even do that because of the physical and mental pain I was in and inability to do anything with my life. I could go on and on with more specifics, but I feel it's more important now to explain what I believe really healed me (And I do consider myself healed now-- I went from being bedridden in pain, dysfunction, and chaos, barely even able to stand and walk sometimes, and completely hopeless about life and feeling out of control, to completely healthy, functional, happy, and living my best life). I think all of us who go through this suffer on a level that others can't really comprehend. But some of us may not realize that there is, in fact, an upside to this. When we're immobilized by pain, and crippled with mental symptoms like depression and anxiety, we have no choice but to just sit and be with ourselves. And this is where we find and understand who our true selves are. This might sound strange or "woo woo", but the major catalyst that really jumpstarted my healing was finding the calm within the storm. I highly recommend meditation for everyone going through this because for me it is what helped me access the part of me that was happy and calm independent of all external circumstances. The more I was able to quiet all my thoughts, the quicker I felt my healing process going. I really went through a spiritual journey, especially this past year when my healing really cemented, and I can honestly say that I've emerged not only healed, but a happier and wiser person than before this all started. I made the decision that I was going to heal, I made the decision that I was going to find happiness and joy and the life I wanted, whatever it took. I feel happier and more excited about life than I ever have (and my body and mind feel amazing). When you let go of stress, worrying, sadness, and negative thoughts, even when the situation outside you really is negative, you will be shocked at how things change. This whole journey is a spiritual journey for all of us. Yes, there are physical effects from this drug, but healing really takes place when we harness the light that exists in us even when things are at their worst. It's a highly personal path, but I really believe it is possible for everyone to overcome this. Supplements can help, but the power of the mind is limitless and infinitely more rewarding. Sparknotes version - meditate daily- quiet your mind. This is so beneficial for mental and physical health. - be aware of your thoughts, and as best you can, limit stressful and negative thoughts. For the first few years of withdrawal, my thinking was constantly "Life is so unfair", "I'm in so much pain", "What if this never ends?", "I am in hell", "Life sucks", etc. If this process has taught me anything, it's that your thoughts do matter, more than you know. Once I started changing my thoughts, my body and mind literally started to change. - journal. Writing down your thoughts can be very cathartic and can even help purge negativity that could be holding you back. Also, as counterintuitive as it may sound, you can even "fake" journal, i.e. write as if you have already healed, write as if you are happy and healthy. - Something I didn't mention in the full post, but VERY important-- when it comes to supplements, start one at a time, and start at a low dose. I know this is mentioned on this site many times, but I didn't take it seriously. I can't tell you how many months I literally lost because my SUPPLEMENTS were giving me symptoms that I thought were just part of the withdrawal, but were actually from the supplements I thought were supposed to help my withdrawal! As Altostrata is always saying, our bodies are very sensitized when in withdrawal and we can have seriously adverse reactions to things that seem super benign. Fish oil, for example, gave me heart palpitations. Ashwagandha, a 'gentle herb' that I had only read good things about, gave me major joint pain and digestive issues. PLEASE start supplements one at a time, at a low dose, wait a couple weeks and see how you're reacting to them. Everyone is different, and only you know what works and doesn't work for you. Keep track of what you're taking and don't fall into the trap of thinking "Oh, it's just a natural supplement, that can't be causing anything". That's how I used to think too and I went through even more pain because of it. There were times that I thought because my brain had developed on these drugs and I was on them so long, I'd never heal. But I did, and I'm in an even better place than I think I would have been if I hadn't gone through this. I am a genuinely happy person, I've formed deep connections with people, I have hope for my life and feel so happy and secure on my path, and I have really learned to appreciate the little things. Most importantly, I learned the importance of my thoughts and how they really affect all aspects of my life. I believe we are all meant to have a happy and healthy life, and it's possible to reclaim that right even when things seem utterly hopeless and bleak. Remember that you have more power than you know. We are a greater and more powerful force than these drugs are! Thank you for your beautiful testimony. It is very interesting and helpful because it’s true that it’s tempting to get stuck in negative thinking, as what we’re going through is absurdly unfair, and debilitatingly painful. I struggle to keep my hopes up when I go through waves. So it’s interesting to know you found this peace within yourself, this calm within the storm. It’s impressive. I can’t possibly meditate when I’m in the middle of a storm, but I will try again. Thank you dear x April 2020: 10mg Escitalopram July 2020: fast tapper tried to quit. Failed. september 2020: Trintellix 20mg. october 2021: fast taper off Trintellix (1 week). Reinstated 10mg in January 2022 for 3 weeks, failed, kindling effect so I quit rapidly, now off meds since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elio Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 On 10/27/2019 at 9:54 PM, julia955 said: My original post: So, as of right now I am 17 months completely off all medication. I consider myself fully healed and am so happy to be able to write this because I want others to know that full healing IS possible, even in extreme cases. As I spoke about in my original thread, I was put on an SSRI at 5 years old for anxiety. While at first it seemed to 'help', as I got older my psychiatrist kept on raising the dose until I was essentially a zombie from about age 14-18. It caused many problems and I went from being a very social and happy kid to a sullen, antisocial, shell of what I was. I believe it also gave me bouts of depression, as I never had depression before I was on it and my most depressed periods always came after a dosage increase. It was very painful to me to think about how I had my adolescence and happiness taken from me by this drug and the people who kept me on it not seeing what it was doing to me, but I've reached a point in my life now where I can forgive and am too happy about life now and my future to dwell on that. I really want others to know, if you were put on these meds before you were even old enough to consent to being on them, I understand your pain, and assure you that even in a case like this, you CAN heal, and a life without depending on these drugs IS possible. I know there likely aren't many of us but I know others like me do exist and I hope somehow you find this post and my story can help you in some way. The medications I was on during this period were Zoloft and Celexa (I switched to the latter when I was 13), and I was on the highest doses of each (200mg and 40mg, respectively). When I was 18 years old, I had a stressful period and since it was my first time living away from home at college I started to come to some realizations about how crazy the whole thing was that I was taking these medications without even really understanding as to why I was on them still and not feeling like it was in any way my decision to take them. This was in 2014 and because I was young, and felt invincible and naive I essentially just stopped taking it (Celexa 40mg at this point). I'm not sure about how much detail is necessary here about what followed (although I'm more than happy to answer any questions anyone has and am an open book), but basically, I was ok for a couple of months, but then suffered for the next 4 years with intense, excruciating withdrawal symptoms that ranged from extremely painful physical and medical things to hellish mental symptoms. To this day it amazes me what this drug did to my system, as I never imagined that it could affect things that it affected (my blood tests from my first year of withdrawal confounded even the fancy, expensive doctors I went to). I suffered more than any teenager/young adult should ever have to suffer. I spent literally 3 years basically bedridden, in severe physical and mental pain, not knowing what was going on or if it was ever going to end. I felt like my soul was in crisis, and like I had no sense of self or purpose anymore. Growing up on these meds, I had to come to terms with the fact that I hadn't really been myself from age 5 to 18. But instead of starting over, and forming who I really was, I was unable to even do that because of the physical and mental pain I was in and inability to do anything with my life. I could go on and on with more specifics, but I feel it's more important now to explain what I believe really healed me (And I do consider myself healed now-- I went from being bedridden in pain, dysfunction, and chaos, barely even able to stand and walk sometimes, and completely hopeless about life and feeling out of control, to completely healthy, functional, happy, and living my best life). I think all of us who go through this suffer on a level that others can't really comprehend. But some of us may not realize that there is, in fact, an upside to this. When we're immobilized by pain, and crippled with mental symptoms like depression and anxiety, we have no choice but to just sit and be with ourselves. And this is where we find and understand who our true selves are. This might sound strange or "woo woo", but the major catalyst that really jumpstarted my healing was finding the calm within the storm. I highly recommend meditation for everyone going through this because for me it is what helped me access the part of me that was happy and calm independent of all external circumstances. The more I was able to quiet all my thoughts, the quicker I felt my healing process going. I really went through a spiritual journey, especially this past year when my healing really cemented, and I can honestly say that I've emerged not only healed, but a happier and wiser person than before this all started. I made the decision that I was going to heal, I made the decision that I was going to find happiness and joy and the life I wanted, whatever it took. I feel happier and more excited about life than I ever have (and my body and mind feel amazing). When you let go of stress, worrying, sadness, and negative thoughts, even when the situation outside you really is negative, you will be shocked at how things change. This whole journey is a spiritual journey for all of us. Yes, there are physical effects from this drug, but healing really takes place when we harness the light that exists in us even when things are at their worst. It's a highly personal path, but I really believe it is possible for everyone to overcome this. Supplements can help, but the power of the mind is limitless and infinitely more rewarding. Sparknotes version - meditate daily- quiet your mind. This is so beneficial for mental and physical health. - be aware of your thoughts, and as best you can, limit stressful and negative thoughts. For the first few years of withdrawal, my thinking was constantly "Life is so unfair", "I'm in so much pain", "What if this never ends?", "I am in hell", "Life sucks", etc. If this process has taught me anything, it's that your thoughts do matter, more than you know. Once I started changing my thoughts, my body and mind literally started to change. - journal. Writing down your thoughts can be very cathartic and can even help purge negativity that could be holding you back. Also, as counterintuitive as it may sound, you can even "fake" journal, i.e. write as if you have already healed, write as if you are happy and healthy. - Something I didn't mention in the full post, but VERY important-- when it comes to supplements, start one at a time, and start at a low dose. I know this is mentioned on this site many times, but I didn't take it seriously. I can't tell you how many months I literally lost because my SUPPLEMENTS were giving me symptoms that I thought were just part of the withdrawal, but were actually from the supplements I thought were supposed to help my withdrawal! As Altostrata is always saying, our bodies are very sensitized when in withdrawal and we can have seriously adverse reactions to things that seem super benign. Fish oil, for example, gave me heart palpitations. Ashwagandha, a 'gentle herb' that I had only read good things about, gave me major joint pain and digestive issues. PLEASE start supplements one at a time, at a low dose, wait a couple weeks and see how you're reacting to them. Everyone is different, and only you know what works and doesn't work for you. Keep track of what you're taking and don't fall into the trap of thinking "Oh, it's just a natural supplement, that can't be causing anything". That's how I used to think too and I went through even more pain because of it. There were times that I thought because my brain had developed on these drugs and I was on them so long, I'd never heal. But I did, and I'm in an even better place than I think I would have been if I hadn't gone through this. I am a genuinely happy person, I've formed deep connections with people, I have hope for my life and feel so happy and secure on my path, and I have really learned to appreciate the little things. Most importantly, I learned the importance of my thoughts and how they really affect all aspects of my life. I believe we are all meant to have a happy and healthy life, and it's possible to reclaim that right even when things seem utterly hopeless and bleak. Remember that you have more power than you know. We are a greater and more powerful force than these drugs are! Hello Julia! Is there any way I can contact you? I need some help and encouragement. Thank you very much 2018- Lexapro 22.5mg my for about 12 month was feeling great but gained a lot of weight Down to 15 mg for 2 month was feeling great as well Down to 10 mg for 5/6 weeks some symptoms but nothing to difficult Down to 7.5 mg for 5 weeks Down to 5 mg for about 2 weeks Reinstated 10 mg for about 3 month Tapered off again (removing 2.5 mg every 4 to 5 weeks) 4 month later had terrible withdraw Reinstated Lexapro with my psychiatrist reaching 25mg, barely helped, made some symptoms worse so I tapered of again during 5/ 6 month Occasional use of Xanax when having severe symptoms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roserdl Posted November 2, 2022 Share Posted November 2, 2022 Did you ever stabilize on any of your reinstatements or was it only when you went off completely and waited that you got relief? I am off now and trying not to reinstate because it seems like it often doesn't work and just complicates the picture the more its done Ty Recent 2018 Zoloft 150mg (20 years taking at various times, no real issues before stopping) 2019 Risperdal one month low dose (forget amount) stopped bad reaction 2019 Remeron 7.5 mg sleep (discontinued in mid 2019) on for six months (tapered for a few weeks) Zoloft 100 mg Summer 2020/Zoloft 75 mg Summer 2021 Zoloft 50 mg November 2021/ Zoloft 25 mg First two weeks January 2022: Reinstated 50 mgJanuary Last week) Crash in February - on and off doses as doctors conflicted over serotonin syndrome/withdrawal - stopped all for two week & resumed:\ Other drugs tried in hospitals (Abilify, 1mg, 1 dose, Zyprexa 1 dose 1mg, Klonopin .25 4 doses in 2 hospitalizations) March 1 titrated Zoloft up from 0 to 65 from February to Early May Severe vision problems at 65 mg (improved depression) Taper to 55 6/15, 45mg 7/15/ 35mg 8/1, 25mg 8/15, 10 mg, 8/31 OFF 9/2022 Omg Improved with drops from August to September - November crash ONE dose Zoloft 3mg 11/17 - worsened symptoms - Remain off Zoloft Mirtazapine -3.5 mg six weeks mid march to end april, occasionally for sleep Supplements: Fish oil, magnesium, lions mane, cytokine suppress, MCT Oil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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