coldturkmama Recovered after Paxil cold turkey

[coldturkmama]

Hi  

i just thought I’d pop in and give an update about how things are now.

 

i was talking with a friend the other day about what all id gone through with Paxil and I realized, I’m so far from where I was and how much I’d relied on this site as well as npanth’s articles during the very worst of everything.

i remember reading success stories and wondering if the mental anguish would ever end for me. 

 

I can say, it has and it does.

Here is my topic:

 

 

So, basically I was on Paxil for about 14-15 years. I’m 40 now and have been off Paxil for 6 years.

While I was on the drug I still had many symptoms of anxiety, gained a ton of weight and also felt like I was living a sort of half life. I wasn’t fully engaged in my life. 

 

Every time I tried getting off Paxil over the years, I’d have terrible symptoms and think that it was just me and I needed Paxil to make me “normal”...!

 

My Dr never ever told me I should taper slowly and over time; I was literally given no advice EVER.

When I was about 13 years in to taking the drug I was suddenly beset with a whole new host of symptoms and some quite strong and strange to me. I felt terrible on the inside of myself, something I couldn’t hardly explain.  I told my Dr. And he said that Paxil might be no longer working as well and so he upped me from 20mgs to 40 msg.

 

I felt a little better for a bit but still NOT good.

I decided to stop the drug cold turkey.

i had no idea of how dangerous that was or what would lie ahead. If I’d known, I would have tapered slowly.

 

At first I felt really really good, better than I had in a longgg time, but at about 6 weeks off the drug alllll hell broke loose.

 

I had all the usual symptoms, shaking, flu like symptoms , couldn’t sit still, no motivation, exhausted but major insomnia, heart racing and palpitations, so much pain In my legs, throbbing pain. A tight band around my head that felt like someone was tightening it. I had intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, panic attacks, jolting awake from when I did sleep, bladder problems, and many more that I’m forgetting I’m sure.

Oh! Brain zaps! I had lots of those.

forgetfulness and not being able to put in to words what I wanted etc- that was also a thing. 😑 

 

i started googling why I felt like this after stopping Paxil and I found a site called Paxil progress. After that shut down I found this site.

at the time it was all I could do to lay in bed and read the stories of others and know that what I was going through would eventually get better. 

I couldn’t figure out how, or when. I prayed a lot.  I had three kids to take care of, so I managed to do what I had to do but often felt very irritated and exhausted, I didn’t know how much longer I could deal with it. 

Symptoms began breaking up in to a pattern that was called windows and waves. Sometimes a window would be super short and I’d wonder how I could feel so normal for a while only to have it all crash back down around me.

 

Sleep was such an escape when I could get it, but for 2-3 years I had terrible insomnia that lasted hours throughout the night. Those were very frustrating times.

 

I saw bigger improvements when I began sleeping better. 

Slowly the symptoms dropped off one by one.

leg pain was probably one of the first to go

 

i still didn’t know much about how to deal with anxiety and was still fighting that battle when I came across Dr. Claire Weekes book, “hope and help for your nerves”

That book was awesome and I highly recommend it and anything else you can read by her.

 

I still have occasional bladder flares (acts like a bladder infection but it isn’t actually) but other than that I don’t think I have one problem that I can say is from Paxil anymore (I don’t think??) lol

i think I am finally ready to say, I’m recovered from what Paxil put me through.

 

im still learning how best to cope with anxiety, but I’m doing a pretty good job of it with noooo drugs 😁😁😁

 

BTW when I was in the process of

trying to heal from it all, I used high quality fish oil and B12. I also used trace minerals. 

 

I wish you all well. 

Xo 😘 

[wantrelief]

What incredible strength it took to come through all of that, CTM!!  Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.  

[Erell]

Thank you so much for this wonderful hope you give To all of us ❤❤❤

[Altostrata]

Hello, coldturkmama. When would you say you fully recovered from going off Paxil?

[rola]

hi 
Thank you for your story, you really give us hope. 
take care of yourself 
 

[coldturkmama]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, coldturkmama. When would you say you fully recovered from going off Paxil?

 

I’d say the 5 year mark, or there abouts?

theres not much left of my symptoms that I blame on Paxil anymore. 

Do I have anxiety?

yup, but I am working the Claire Weekes system and feel so much better than I did. 

1 hour ago, rola said:

hi 
Thank you for your story, you really give us hope. 
take care of yourself 
 

💕

[coldturkmama]

2 hours ago, Erell said:

Thank you so much for this wonderful hope you give To all of us ❤❤❤

 

You are welcome! I survived off of success stories in my worst times.

4 hours ago, wantrelief said:

What incredible strength it took to come through all of that, CTM!!  Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.  

 

💕🥰

[brassmonkey]

Congratulations of finally posting a success story.  It's been a long time in coming and I am so happy that it is finally here. Cold Turkey is a rough way to go but you prove that it is possible to get through it and thrive.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

[coldturkmama]

12 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Congratulations of finally posting a success story.  It's been a long time in coming and I am so happy that it is finally here. Cold Turkey is a rough way to go but you prove that it is possible to get through it and thrive.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

 

 thank you!

cold turkey gets NO recommendations from me! I hope many people will taper slowly but sadly there is just no support sometimes. 

[direstraits]

Hi mama,

so happy you 've recovered...….I 've had a very rough week but you give me hope I'll get there someday.

Congratulations!

xx

[delsol]

This is so inspirational and just exactly what I needed to see today. Thank you so, so, so much for sharing your story. 

 

You say  it took about 5 years in total. But would you say you found hope periodically for longer and longer spurts, along the way? What I mean is:  The 5-year mark is very significant for you, but can you speak to some good, long windows that happened prior to that, and what that was like for you?  I am impressed that you did this. Paxil is a doozy to withdraw from, from what I've heard. I may check out the Claire Weekes system, based on your recommendation.

 

20 hours ago, coldturkmama said:

 

I’d say the 5 year mark, or there abouts?

theres not much left of my symptoms that I blame on Paxil anymore. 

Do I have anxiety?

yup, but I am working the Claire Weekes system and feel so much better than I did. 

💕

 

[Cocopuffz17]

Woohooo! This is great to read! So happy you feel way better! I agree 100% with you on success stories getting me through the hard times! All the best to you! 

[coldturkmama]

6 hours ago, delsol said:

This is so inspirational and just exactly what I needed to see today. Thank you so, so, so much for sharing your story. 

 

You say  it took about 5 years in total. But would you say you found hope periodically for longer and longer spurts, along the way? What I mean is:  The 5-year mark is very significant for you, but can you speak to some good, long windows that happened prior to that, and what that was like for you?  I am impressed that you did this. Paxil is a doozy to withdraw from, from what I've heard. I may check out the Claire Weekes system, based on your recommendation.

 

 

 

It IS a doozy!! 

Oh yes there were big windows that gave me a lot of hope!  I knew eventually it would get better. Lots better!

claire Weekes helped so much with the anxiety symptoms.

 

[Leo1983]

Alot of ppl talk Claire Weekes in wd. Can i ask does this work when the anxiety is coming from wd? 

 

Just i know no matter what i do im anxious even sat still in a empty room. I was never like that before meds. The chemical anxiety people talk about.

[sunnysideup69]

3 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Alot of ppl talk Claire Weekes in wd. Can i ask does this work when the anxiety is coming from wd? 

 

Just i know no matter what i do im anxious even sat still in a empty room. I was never like that before meds. The chemical anxiety people talk about.

Hope you don't mind me butting in, but I personally find her work helpful in WD, because her work is based on the idea of the 'sensitized nervous system.' This is exactly what we in WD have, and the techniques of face, accept, float and let time pass is highly useful. 

[Leo1983]

Thanks for that.

 

So basically you accept you feel crap and keep getting through the day? Also you feel crap no matter what but keep telling yourself to keep going.

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Thanks for that.

 

So basically you accept you feel crap and keep getting through the day? Also you feel crap no matter what but keep telling yourself to keep going.

Yes, you acknowledge the fact that you feel crap and accept it. Easy to say, I tend to try to slow down and note the sensations I am experiencing rather than getting wound up by the mental chatter. It's not so much 'telling yourself' to keep going, as that could create more tension. It's more like letting the sensations arise and fall away, noting them, carrying on. Takes practice. It's quite a meditative approach, usually I combine it with slow breathing with longer exhales. Calms the nervous system. 

[Leo1983]

Thanks for your imput.

 

You have quite a drug history and back on meds i see. 

 

You have a good approach to all this. A strong positive attitude. 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Thanks for your imput.

 

You have quite a drug history and back on meds i see. 

 

You have a good approach to all this. A strong positive attitude. 

 

 

Thank you, yes, I've had quite a lot of 'drugged' life. Prescription and not. My poor nervous system..... However, this year is the beginning of a shift. 

Definitely Claire Weekes worth checking out. 

[Leo1983]

input even lol.

 

Thanks and good luck.

[Hellbutrin]

On 12/19/2019 at 2:02 PM, coldturkmama said:

 

I’d say the 5 year mark, or there abouts?

theres not much left of my symptoms that I blame on Paxil anymore. 

Do I have anxiety?

yup, but I am working the Claire Weekes system and feel so much better than I did. 

💕

Hi Coldturkmama,

 

Thanks for sticking around to provide encouragement to this of us that are still in the thick of things. I'm glad to see that you recovered from your C/T! What were some things that helped soothe your sensitive nervous system when you were having bad days? I'm at 2.5 years since my C/T and I still struggle daily, but I have seen certain things improve, like insomnia. Did you experience short term memory issues and depression throughout your withdrawal?

[coldturkmama]

On 12/22/2019 at 1:17 PM, Leo1983 said:

Thanks for that.

 

So basically you accept you feel crap and keep getting through the day? Also you feel crap no matter what but keep telling yourself to keep going.

 

 

Also (besides what they said, which was good advice) I also learned to sag or release the tension. Claire Weekes called it sagging or going rag doll in a chair (letting yourself sag so you are as limp as a doll) and allow that tension to goooo. So often we don’t even realize we are holding ourselves so tightly wound.

[coldturkmama]

On 12/22/2019 at 7:09 PM, Hellbutrin said:

Hi Coldturkmama,

 

Thanks for sticking around to provide encouragement to this of us that are still in the thick of things. I'm glad to see that you recovered from your C/T! What were some things that helped soothe your sensitive nervous system when you were having bad days? I'm at 2.5 years since my C/T and I still struggle daily, but I have seen certain things improve, like insomnia. Did you experience short term memory issues and depression throughout your withdrawal?

I definitely experienced memory issues, and down days but I’m not sure if I’d call it depression (at least not deep depression) because I did find myself losing interest in things that once brought me joy. 

I learned that releasing tension (see my other comment) reallllly helped to desensitize me as well as not following each thought I had (just allowing them to be there).

clairw Weekes had said “you may think whatever you may think, you may feel whatever you may feel but it doesn’t matter “

so basically, learning to be okay with whatever was happening and not trying to figure it all out. 

[hussy]

hi good to see you recoevered. did u have sexual issues. low libido?

[coldturkmama]

2 hours ago, hussy said:

hi good to see you recoevered. did u have sexual issues. low libido?

 

Ohhhh yes, very low libido but I have found that to have improved.

[hussy]

thanjks for answer. 

Did you also experience genital numbness? this is a major symptom for me actually. Genital numbness and extreme loss of libido and emotions

[coldturkmama]

1 hour ago, hussy said:

thanjks for answer. 

Did you also experience genital numbness? this is a major symptom for me actually. Genital numbness and extreme loss of libido and emotions

 

No numbness, thankfully, and I’m sorry you’re going through that but definitely loss of libido and very painful “fake” uti’s. 

[monami]

Congratulation for your recovery ,  i  live in  halifax too . I have not  used fish oil but am thinking about taking it 

 Can i ask What was the brand of fish oil  you are taking and how many times a day do you take it ,  thank you.

 

[Lina1001]

Hi @coldturkmama! I am very happy for you, I'm french so my english is not so good, please forgive my lake of expression some times... I would like to know if you had experienced scary wake up. As when you're sleeping and waking up with fear and panic attacks ? That's what's happening to me now. Even if i must sleep, I wake up in the night each hours with fear, high level of anxiety, tachicardia and some times panic attack, and  if you did, did it heal  ? I'm passing through that experience since 1 month now, either i colded turkey 5 months ago.. thanks for your reply and fir the hope you're giving with your testimony. 

[Lina1001]

Just now, Lina1001 said:

Hi @coldturkmama! I am very happy for you, I'm french so my english is not so good, please forgive my lake of expression some times... I would like to know if you had experienced scary wake up. As when you're sleeping and waking up with fear and panic attacks ? That's what's happening to me now. Even if i must sleep, I wake up in the night each hours with fear, high level of anxiety, tachicardia and some times panic attack, and  if you did, did it heal  ? I'm passing through that experience since 1 month now, either i colded turkey 5 months ago.. thanks for your reply and fir the hope you're giving with your testimony. 

I am reading Claire weekes book thanks for sharing !

[Madeleine]

2 minutes ago, Lina1001 said:

Hi @coldturkmama! I am very happy for you, I'm french so my english is not so good, please forgive my lake of expression some times... I would like to know if you had experienced scary wake up. As when you're sleeping and waking up with fear and panic attacks ? That's what's happening to me now. Even if i must sleep, I wake up in the night each hours with fear, high level of anxiety, tachicardia and some times panic attack, and  if you did, did it heal  ? I'm passing through that experience since 1 month now, either i colded turkey 5 months ago.. thanks for your reply and fir the hope you're giving with your testimony. 

Hi:
I hope you don't mind that I replied -- as you directed your question to cold turkey mamma, but hopefully she will reply too and you will have two answers -- 🙂 

What you are experiencing is very common -- the best thing to do when you wake up, with a panic attack, is to simply, relax, meditate, and tell yourself it will pass and get better.  If you worry, your nervous system gets even more agitated, but if you meditate -- i.e. so just lie there, and listen to your breath and relax, it will pass.  If you need to, get up, read for a little while and then just lie down and meditate.   

Best wishes, 
M.

[Lina1001]

@Madeleinethanks Madeleine

[coldturkmama]

On 12/26/2019 at 1:17 PM, Lina1001 said:

I am reading Claire weekes book thanks for sharing !

 

Oh yes, I used to wake up with panic and heart racing etc it did eventually pass. 

Madeline is right; the more fear you add to it, the worse it will get. If you can relax towards the feelings and know they aren’t important, cannot hurt you and will pass you will feel better. 

[coldturkmama]

On 12/25/2019 at 8:12 PM, monami said:

Congratulation for your recovery ,  i  live in  halifax too . I have not  used fish oil but am thinking about taking it 

 Can i ask What was the brand of fish oil  you are taking and how many times a day do you take it ,  thank you.

 

 

Cool! I’m a few hours from there now but I go to visit often

 

i used the high quality liquid found at health food stores. I took one tbsp in the morning. It’s about $28 a bottle but worth it.  

[Snorky]

16 hours ago, coldturkmama said:

 

Cool! I’m a few hours from there now but I go to visit often

 

i used the high quality liquid found at health food stores. I took one tbsp in the morning. It’s about $28 a bottle but worth it.  

Hi C

 

Brassmonkey v kindly told me about your post and experience. I’m also CT status (as per my thread in intro section?) Gist is stopped amitriptyline 25mg Sept 19, but lots of other ADs over thirty years.

 

My main issues on mental side are depressive thoughts, anhedonia and anxiety (in that order)  However, on phthalates side I struggle with worsening head tremors and tics.  I was intrigued to read your comments re throbbing legs, and wondered if they were ditto mine? 24/7, knees to toes, both sides, combo of “pressure type sensations, numbness and pins and needles. Is that what you had/have?

 

Thank you

[Melissa5000]

Thank you very much for sharing your story! I am in a wave right now and visited the recovery stories to cheer me up! 

It helps a lot! Thank you!!!!!!!!