wantrelief

[wantrelief]

Thank you so much for the sweet encouraging message, @Rosetta....it helps very much!

[marconyc]

@wantrelief I hope this cut goes well. You have come so far and done so well. You are an inspiration.

[wantrelief]

Thank you very much for all of your support, @marconyc. This has been (and is) such a difficult journey but encouraging words like what you wrote help so much. It gives me the strength to keep going. 🙏

[Rabe]

Thinking about you WR...thank you for your kind words on my thread.  It is hard to think about it all...I just continue to think of you and the strength that moves you forward and the kindness you share i the midst of your own trials.  Bless you my dear friend.  You are a gift!💜

[neroli]

Hello friend-in-arms

 

You are being so brave about making these cuts - another 2.5%, no mean feat.

 

17 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I am trying to take it day by day and not think too far ahead as it can just be really daunting otherwise.  Somedays I am more successful at this than others

 

It is a real success that you can take things day by day when you can - that's such a big gain on not being able to do that at all.

 

We are all with you, all of us are taking things a day at a time and sending you love and hugs.  

 

You are doing so well, WR.  One day I will start making cuts in my Escitalopram, so I will definitely be on the same road as you - at the moment I'm holding to see if I stabilise a bit more.  Such an unknown entity this tapering game.

 

Thoughts and love to you

 

Neroli xx 💜

 

 

[wantrelief]

Thank you for your kind sweet message of support, dear @Rabe.  You are in my thoughts and I continue to hope you get some peace very soon.  

[wantrelief]

10 hours ago, neroli said:

You are doing so well, WR.  One day I will start making cuts in my Escitalopram, so I will definitely be on the same road as you - at the moment I'm holding to see if I stabilise a bit more.  Such an unknown entity this tapering game.

Aw, thank you so much for your supportive words.  This tapering game is indeed such an unknown and that causes me a lot of angst.  I do so hope holding helps you gain more stability.....that would be wonderful.  And when you are ready to start cutting the escitalopram I will be by your side as you've been by mine rooting you on.

[neroli]

58 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I will be by your side as you've been by mine rooting you on.

Hello friend

 

Thank you.  You have already been such a support rooting me on.

 

Wishing you a good day - mine has just started and I'm taking the day as annual leave.

 

much love

 

Neroli xxxx 💜

[SkyBlue]

On 4/8/2019 at 9:30 PM, wantrelief said:

due to hormonal stuff (why does this have to be every month?!) but I am back to my baseline now.  My baseline is not very good but when things get worse, it makes me relieved to be back to my normal level of bad.  

 

Oh, man--that makes me both cry and laugh. Man, I get that.

'

Thanks again for your kind words on my thread yesterday. It really helped buoy me enough to ride out the rest of the storm. ❤️

[wantrelief]

Update:  I started to get some lightheadedness one week ago and didn't think too much of it as I've had this come up before and it has gone away after a couple of days.  It started the day I made my last cut (so before I made the cut).  I decided to go forward with the cut thinking it was just the usual short lived episode I've had before so didn't mention it here. Well, the lightheadedness has stuck around all week.  It is mild and not too bothersome although can cause a bit of nausea as well.  I am following my usual plan of holding for two more weeks so I am hoping it dissipates as I hold.  It is always hard for me to deal with new symptoms on top of what I am already dealing with.  I find my mind wandering into "what if this worsens and I can't continue to taper" thoughts but I am trying hard to reframe those thoughts and/or put them aside as I can.  

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi wantrelief, 

 

I’m sorry you’ve ended up with a new symptom, but I’m glad it’s mild. Boy, we really don’t know how we will be from one minute to the next in this world of withdrawals. All we can do is take a day at a time, symptoms come and go as our poor brains are trying to find equilibrium.

 

You’re doing really well with your tapering. It’s nice to see forward movement, even if it feels really slow. We will get there one day.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[neroli]

Hello my friend-in-arms

 

I do hope you are seeing some settling of the lightheaded/nausea symptom.  This condition is a wily old turkey - just as it seems we have a grasp on what is happening and have worked out strategies and routines to work with and around them, it seems like a new one can crop up, or old ones crop up in different ways at different times.

 

On 4/21/2019 at 4:36 AM, wantrelief said:

I find my mind wandering into "what if this worsens and I can't continue to taper" thoughts but I am trying hard to reframe those thoughts and/or put them aside as I can.

 

I can fully understand these thoughts - heaven knows I've posted many a similar spiralling thought episode.  I agree, and try to practice, what Carmie said above - we can only take one day at a time (or sometimes a minute at a time - oh, those days where the second-hand on the clock seems to go by so slowly).  Not always an easy thing to do, either.

 

That is what is so tricky about this WD/reduction/CNS/body perturbation business - we have no way of looking ahead to see what is coming.  If we did, we would be more confident about the steps we take next and the symptoms we can handle.  It makes me think of when I used to be a kayaking instructor (on an inner-London canal youth project) and would take groups, or go myself, on trips to rivers with some rapids and drops.  The rule was never to take a drop unless you could see the dead water on the other side - ie. unless you can see the route to calm waters, don't do it.

 

In the slalom of these drug tapers I think we encounter many times when we can't see dead water whichever way we look and that is scarifying.

 

I do so hope you are finding it a little less scary now, perhaps even the symptoms are easing (that would be nice).  And if you weren't able to taper for a bit, I hope it would prevent any further perturbations.

 

Thinking of you, dear f-i-a and super-supporter.

 

Loads of good wishes from the bottom of the globe.....

 

Neroli xx. 💜

[wantrelief]

Thank you Carmie and Neroli for your supportive messages.....I very much appreciate your stopping by and lending support.  

 

On 4/20/2019 at 4:36 PM, Carmie said:

All we can do is take a day at a time

Yes, this is very true and I do try as much as I can to remember this.

 

@neroli:  I liked your apt analogy of tapering with kayaking and not being able to see dead water.  This is such a long scary journey and I am very grateful to have such a good friend along for support.  💗

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you, Wantrelief.  What a good anology, neroli! -R

[wantrelief]

Thanks for stopping by, @Rosetta - I am thinking about you too.

[Rosetta]

Thanks for making the effort to post on my thread.  I don't feel so alone because of you.

[Rabe]

Hi WR...so sorry you were hit with the new symptoms.  As you said you kind of get on a path that though challenging is at least familiar..and then something new pops up.  Reminds me of the houses we would go through for Halloween...something pops up and is scary and then 

its not.  I hope that will be the case for you...that it will stay the same and even get better so that you can continue to move forward with confidence!  How far you have come!!!  And if you have to hold a bit to stabilize you know that is ok too.

Thinking about you so much WR....take good care my friend!!💜

 

 

[wantrelief]

Thank you very much for your message, Rabe.  I am so sorry you have continued to have such a rough time.  You are such a kind and caring person, always so supportive to me and others here despite what you are going through yourself.  I liked your Halloween house analogy, scary things popping up here and there.  If only we could just leave the house behind!  Someday we shall leave it for good.  🙂

[Rabe]

Hi WR,

 

Thank you for posting on my thread....as always, it means so much.  I just dont feel well ever anymore...maybe thats good...IDK.  Juset so hard to do anything or plan anything and my daughter is done with it all which makes me sad but I cant blame her.  I juset have to stay put and try to move forward, and try to find things to eat...juset kind of surviving which does not resemble living that I once did.

I dont know whether to taper the Viibryd still or wait until switch to new clonazepam is all done.  I am finding that as I take the lower filled capsules of Viibryd I dont get such an anxiety rise as did but seems my anxiety is worse in general.  I also wonder if Ive been taking a lower dose anyway why not continue.  I cant seem to make decisions or think well.  SO frustrating.

Hope you are doing ok?  Take care my friend!!💜

 

[wantrelief]

Thanks for stopping by @Rabe!  I just answered partly on your thread about your taper but wanted to thank you for asking how I am doing, you are so very kind.  The lightheadedness/nausea has mostly dissipated.  It still happens from time to time but not consistently at least.  Another physical symptom that has popped up is some intermittent numbness/tingling in my right foot.  And I've had the usual hormonal issues ramping up my symptoms at times but otherwise I am just muddling along. This is all so hard  Thank you for being here for me and others.  

[RandyJames]

Hi wantrelief.  I'm just stopping by to see how you're doing.  I'm glad to see that your lightheadedness and nausea are doing some better.  I'm sure it will continue to improve as your nervous system continues to adjust and heal. 

[wantrelief]

Thank you for your visit and support, @RandyJames!  I am glad the lightheadedness and nausea are better too.....it has been quite annoying. I really wish I felt better in general.  Sigh.  I know we are in the same boat, stuck on a drug (drugs in my case) that are causing so many symptoms.  Both of us will improve as our nervous systems heal.  🙂

[Rabe]

Im so grateful to hear that the dizziness and nausea are better, WR...but sorry that another symptom immediately jumped on board. Hopefully that wont last long...and also hoping it is a bit easier to deal with?  Hoping....

3 hours ago, wantrelief said:

wish I felt better in general.

This is so true, WR....feeling icky except when sleeping is draining. For me I find myself losing my confidence and desire to be with others because things are so unpredictable and I know it is hard for my daughter and others and it is embarrassing to me....the anxiety is the most debilitating.  I'm grateful you are in my boat...just wish it was a cruise or a lovely sail boat or kayak skimming across calm clear waters...someday WR.  Much love and many hugs my friend!!

Thank you by the way for your thoughts on getting the CLonazepam in place first...you are probably right. Take care!💜

[wantrelief]

Hello SA friends,

 

I wanted to update my thread to document that I made another small cut last night.  I am still getting some mild intermittent numbness in my right foot but since it isn't really bothering me, I decided to go forward with the taper.  All of the other baseline symptoms remain the same, unfortunately, but I haven't really expected much change yet since I am tapering so slowly. I do very much hope to see some improvement at some point as it is very difficult living this way and I continue to struggle mightily with fear.  To try to combat this, I just keep repeating to myself "the only way out is through" and other affirming messages.  

 

As always, the courage and strength of everyone here helps keep me going.  🙏

[powerback]

1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

Hello SA friends,

 

I wanted to update my thread to document that I made another small cut last night.  I am still getting some mild intermittent numbness in my right foot but since it isn't really bothering me, I decided to go forward with the taper.  All of the other baseline symptoms remain the same, unfortunately, but I haven't really expected much change yet since I am tapering so slowly. I do very much hope to see some improvement at some point as it is very difficult living this way and I continue to struggle mightily with fear.  To try to combat this, I just keep repeating to myself "the only way out is through" and other affirming messages.  

 

As always, the courage and strength of everyone here helps keep me going.  🙏

Your strong as steel WR ,Keep safe.🙏.

[wantrelief]

Aw, thank you very much @powerback but I do believe you are describing yourself!  

[powerback]

19 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Aw, thank you very much @powerback but I do believe you are describing yourself!  

💚,If I was an ice cream ide lick myself lol.

Thanks WR.

[Rabe]

Hi WR...your courage is incredible!  My heart and thoughts are with your dear friend!! Take care!!💜

[wantrelief]

Aw, thank you @Rabe....that is very sweet of you and I very much appreciate your support.  My heart and thoughts are with you as well.

[Rosetta]

Yes, wantrelief, "The enemy's gate is down."  The only way out is through.  Omg, I wish there was another way.  We have to try to stay oriented despite that fact that there is no gravity, and work our way toward the exit.  I hope you keep feeling WD normal or better!

[wantrelief]

Thanks very much for your message, @Rosetta.  Yes, working my way toward the exit slowly but surely.  I sure wish there was another way too. It sounds like you have a busy week ahead....I will be thinking about you and hoping all goes as smoothly as possible.

[RandyJames]

On ‎5‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 8:50 AM, wantrelief said:

Hello SA friends,

 

I wanted to update my thread to document that I made another small cut last night.  I am still getting some mild intermittent numbness in my right foot but since it isn't really bothering me, I decided to go forward with the taper.  All of the other baseline symptoms remain the same, unfortunately, but I haven't really expected much change yet since I am tapering so slowly. I do very much hope to see some improvement at some point as it is very difficult living this way and I continue to struggle mightily with fear.  To try to combat this, I just keep repeating to myself "the only way out is through" and other affirming messages.  

 

As always, the courage and strength of everyone here helps keep me going.  🙏

Congratulations on another cut!  You're on your way to great improvements.  As you said, the only way out is through and you're slowly but surely getting there.  This has been a really long process for you so it will no doubt take a little time for your system to adjust to all the changes.  

[wantrelief]

Thank you very much for your encouraging message, @RandyJames.  I sure hope you are right and I am on my way to great improvements.  I really appreciate your stopping by and for your support.

[marconyc]

Congrats @wantrelief good luck and keep us all posted. 

[marconyc]

By the way @wantrelief do you ever experience psychological symptoms? I know you have described physical ones, but how about psychological? I often worry that my depression or anxiety symptoms are "recurrence" as opposed to "withdrawal." I really want to believe that what I'm going through is withdrawal, not recurrence, and connecting with people here on SA has helped me have more faith that I could live without meds. But still, there are times I think, "Maybe I can't live without them." 

[wantrelief]

Thank you for the well wishes, @marconyc.....I really appreciate it!  I have been mentioning physical symptoms because those seem to be new things that have popped up since I started tapering but almost all of my baseline symptoms are psychological....basically symptoms of major depression and anxiety. I don't know for sure what is happening with me but it appears I might be in tolerance and the drug is causing these symptoms.  However, I understand your concern if your symptoms are "recurrence" v. "withdrawal".  Generally I don't think my symptoms are me as they are so much worse than what I have experienced before I started drugs but I do worry that some of it might be me. I also share your worry that "maybe I can't live without them".  I think it is impossible to know until we are off and hopefully healed.  I would guess this is withdrawal and/or the drugs and not you. The success stories here and elsewhere are encouraging evidence that indeed it isn't us and we can live without the drugs.....we just have to get there which can feel really overwhelming and impossible at times (for me).