wantrelief

[marconyc]

Thanks @wantrelief The success stories here give me hope. They really do. My hope is that talk therapy and self-care will one day be enough so that I can live without these drugs. Even in the absence of side effects, I worry about the long-term effects of being on ADs for so long. I also worry about poop-out. 

 

Hang in there. You're doing great.

[wantrelief]

Thanks, @marconyc....you hang in there too!!

[Rabe]

Thinking about you WR!!!  Hope things continue to go ok.  Love nd hugs to you!💜

[Rosetta]

Hi, Wantrelief.  Hope you are well.  Thanks for your note on my thread. -R

[neroli]

On 5/10/2019 at 8:31 AM, wantrelief said:

but almost all of my baseline symptoms are psychological....basically symptoms of major depression and anxiety.

 

just putting my two cents in.

 

ALL of my psychological symptoms - depression and high anxiety/ panic attacks that I"ve experienced over the past 8 or 9 years , as well as physical symptoms - have been the result of kindling/CT ing/re-instatement and now trying to reduce from the drugs.  Before these drugs I had nothing like the intensity I have now.  Yes, I was a worrier and kind of lost in life, probably peri-menopausal which added the pleasure of insomnia - but nothing as bad as now.

 

wishing you the very best, f-i-a

 

Neroli 💜

[wantrelief]

Thank you for your thinking of me, @Rabe, @Rosetta, and @neroli.  I have had some rough patches since my last drop but (knock-on-wood) things seem to be settling now.  I am considering another small drop this Saturday but will see how things go between now and then.

 

Thank you @neroli for sharing your experience.  I am really sorry you have suffered for so many years as a result of these drugs.  It is my greatest hope that we will  find some positive changes as we come down in dose.

 

I am so grateful to have such supportive friends here through this beyond challenging experience.

[Rabe]

Hi WR...SO happy to hear things have settled for you enough to try another drop.  Wanted you to know I am thinking of you my friend and that I hope it goes well!!  Love and hugs to you!!💜

[wantrelief]

Thank you for your sweet and encouraging message, @Rabe.  I did make another small cut last night.  I am thinking about you too and am very much hoping you've gotten some breaks. 💗

 

[Rabe]

Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and hoping the tapering continues to go ok WR!  Take care my dear friend!!  Love nd hugs to you!💜

[Rabe]

Just have been thinking about you and your recent cut...hoping things are ok?  Thank you for stopping WR.  Bless you!!  Love and hugs my friend!!💜

[wantrelief]

Thank you very much for thinking about me and the recent cut I made @Rabe.  It is so thoughtful of you to inquire as I know you are going through such struggles of your own.  Now that it has been over one week post-cut, I think I am safe to say that it went ok.  I've had a couple of bad headaches but other than that, I think I have mostly been dealing with the usual baseline symptoms.  I am finding it difficult to cope at times with the ongoing symptoms and wonder if this is really going to work.  It is difficult to imagine feeling better without evidence and feeling unwell everyday.  I am trying to believe in this process, accept where I am at now and continue moving forward.  Love and hugs back at you, Rabe. 💗

[DMV64]

On 5/16/2019 at 3:44 AM, neroli said:

ALL of my psychological symptoms - depression and high anxiety/ panic attacks that I"ve experienced over the past 8 or 9 years , as well as physical symptoms - have been the result of kindling/CT ing/re-instatement and now trying to reduce from the drugs.  Before these drugs I had nothing like the intensity I have now.  Yes, I was a worrier and kind of lost in life, probably peri-menopausal which added the pleasure of insomnia - but nothing as bad as now.

YES! YES! This is me too!

[DMV64]

18 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I think I am safe to say that it went ok.

I am so happy to hear that! I hope you have a good day<3

[wantrelief]

Thank you @DMV64....I hope you have a good day as well.

[Rabe]

55 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

 I am finding it difficult to cope at times with the ongoing symptoms and wonder if this is really going to work.  It is difficult to imagine feeling better without evidence and feeling unwell everyday.  I am trying to believe in this process, accept where I am at now and continue moving forward.  

 

I read this and it really resonated with me want relief...as I feel the same everyday it seems.  I have always loved Alice in Wonderland...but have never felt so much like her as I have these past few years.  Sometimes I think the most upsetting thing tp me (other than everyone here so overwhelmed through no fault of their own) is that nothing has truly changed...everyone and everything that has caused us to be where we are remains in place...there i something very disturbing about that.  Love and hugs.  💜

[wantrelief]

6 minutes ago, Rabe said:

I read this and it really resonated with me want relief...as I feel the same everyday it seems

I know, it is unbelievably difficult to feel so unwell day after day.  It has to change at some point though....it just all takes so much time and patience which can feel overwhelming when it is our health and well being at stake.  I am holding you in my heart, Rabe.

[Rabe]

9 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I know, it is unbelievably difficult to feel so unwell day after day.

I so wish you didnt know, wr, but I know that you do ... all to well ... how difficult it is.  

I dont know what to say to my daughter anymore when she asks me how my day is/was.  I know she so wants to hear things are ok.  That is the most difficult part for me.  Its not just me...its more my children and grandchildren that are affected.  This is not the life I lived or that anyone remembers my living and its like the past is being replaced by this and that is the saddest piece.  I hope someday they will forget this and remember what came before.

I hope your day was ok wr....and I thank you for sharing and caring.  You are so special and you keep moving ahead ... I am so proud and grateful to call you my friend.  Love and hugs to you!💜

[Rabe]

Thinking about you WR...wanted you to know!💜

[neroli]

Hello WR

 

Popping in to your thread to say hello.

 

On 5/28/2019 at 3:24 AM, wantrelief said:

I am finding it difficult to cope at times with the ongoing symptoms and wonder if this is really going to work.  It is difficult to imagine feeling better without evidence and feeling unwell everyday.  I am trying to believe in this process, accept where I am at now and continue moving forward.

 

It is so very difficult to imagine that life can be anything but what we are experiencing at the moment and it is truly difficult to feel so unwell every day.  Again we are looking into the big unkown of the future - but you are having a go at believing in the process and accepting, so that is majorly courageous and hopeful.

 

Warmest of wishes to you from a blustery and rainy winter evening over this side of the world.

 

Hoping for some calm for you, my friend

 

Neroli 💜

[wantrelief]

Thank you so much for your sweet supportive message, @neroli.  I couldn't get through this process without good friends such as yourself.  

[Rabe]

On 5/27/2019 at 10:24 AM, wantrelief said:

I am finding it difficult to cope at times with the ongoing symptoms and wonder if this is really going to work.  It is difficult to imagine feeling better without evidence and feeling unwell everyday.

I am so thinking about you WR and hoping that you have had some good moments.  You have really made amazing progress!  

Thank you for stopping by...I am grateful for you and your thoughts and support.  Take care my friend!!💜

[wantrelief]

Hello dear SA friends,

 

I thought I'd summarize where I am at as my thread has gotten quite long and it may be hard to follow my story.  After several attempts to slowly taper off citalopram (and sertraline prior to citalopram), I updosed in 2016 to 20 mg and stayed there for almost one year.  My tapers would usually be thrown off by something stressful happening but updosing would eventually "work" to stabilize me back to feeling my normal self.  Well, in July 2017 I once again experienced stress at work and felt the usual WD like symptoms despite not having changed anything for almost one year.  I didn't change my dose for awhile but eventually decided once again to try a small updose.  I slowly went up in two steps to 25 mg and stayed there for around 5 months.  In that time I didn't really experience much change of symptoms (severe "depression" characterized by major apathy/demotivation and some anhedonia; anxiety/fear; pretty constant intrusive thoughts, including SI; food is unappealing but I can make myself eat; early morning awakening; and lack of concentration....I just have this immense desire to lie on the couch and not move. I also have this overall feeling of unwellness).  It was suggested to me that I might be in tolerance but it is difficult to know for sure.  Either way, the recommendation was to start tapering.  It had always been my goal to get off of these drugs so as terrified as I was to start tapering whilst feeling this way, I just want to be done and it was the only path that made sense to me.

 

So I started a slow taper in February 2018.  I make 2.5% cuts twice a month if I feel up to it and hold for three weeks after the 2nd cut.  The symptoms do worsen at times but I never really know if it is related to the drops, hormones (I am perimenopausal) or just random circumstances. My taper has not worsened things as I continually fear will happen but has not improved anything either.  I am not necessarily expecting improvement as I am still on a high dose of citalopram and am going so slowly but really hope in time I will see my baseline improve. 

 

I should add my situation is complicated in that I am also taking Klonopin 1.5 mg (which over the years I also, unfortunately, updosed a couple of times out of panic).  

 

So I am trying to now undue years of what I think is the effect of these drugs and my going up and down so much.

 

I am going to make another 2.5% cut this evening.  As usual, I am anxious about the drop and a lot of "what if" thoughts are going around in my head. 

 

Thank you to everyone for all of your continued support through this most challenging of times.....I don't know what I would do without you.  

 

 

[neroli]

14 hours ago, wantrelief said:

Thank you to everyone for all of your continued support through this most challenging of times.....I don't know what I would do without you

 

We have to thank you, too for being a huge support.

 

All the best with the taper.

 

Neroli 💜

[Scorpio]

While feeling so unwell and scared you always manage to support everyone with your calming supportive words.

this will get better for you just keep doing what you are doing and slowly things will improve for you my friend. 

[wantrelief]

Aw, thank you for your sweet message, @neroli.  I very much appreciate your well wishes with the taper!  

[wantrelief]

6 hours ago, Scorpio said:

While feeling so unwell and scared you always manage to support everyone with your calming supportive words.

this will get better for you just keep doing what you are doing and slowly things will improve for you my friend. 

Thank you so much for your encouragement, Scorpio - it is lovely to "see" you here!  I sure hope you are right, that if I keep doing what I am doing things will slowly improve. Thank you for being here. 

 

[Rosetta]

Still rooting for you!  I hope it goes well.  I'm in awe of people who are tapering as I have no experience with that.  Big hugs!!

Rosetta

[wantrelief]

Thank you very much for your encouragement @Rosetta....it really helps.  I am rooting for you too and am always heartened to read of your ongoing signs of healing! 

[jen84]

Hi Wantrelief, thanks for stopping by my page. 

 

I hope your latest 2.5% drop goes smoothly for you. 

On 6/8/2019 at 11:23 AM, wantrelief said:

My taper has not worsened things as I continually fear will happen but has not improved anything either.

 

Im glad your tapers arent making things worse. I hope your baseline starts improving for you.

[Rabe]

Just here and thinking about you WR....hoping you are doing ok with this taper.  You are amazing and I am so grateful for you!! Love and hugs!💜

[wantrelief]

Thank you @jen84 and @Rabe for stopping by and for your very kind thoughts.....I really appreciate it!

 

Update: It has been almost one week since my last drop and overall it has gone well.  I did have some stomach upset (diarrhea - ugh) a couple of days after my last drop which I think was related to WD but of course there is no way to know for sure.  Things seem to have settled in that department (knock on wood).  I ended up stopping my supplements (the magnesium and fish oil) though because of the GI upset and am debating if I want to add them back in or not.

 

I am thinking about holding until next month to give my brain/body a break and make sure the last cuts don't catch up with me.  I hate prolonging the taper but also realize that although I am going slowly, I have been consistently cutting for awhile (maybe this is what my stomach was trying to tell me?) so perhaps it would be wise to hold. I am also hoping to see a friend in Portland, OR (Rabe's hometown!) at the end of the month and was thinking it would be good to hold until after that.

 

As always, I have immense gratitude and admiration for everyone here on this journey. 🙏

[wantrelief]

Just wanted to add that I seem to now be having some dizziness/lightheadedness.  This withdrawal stuff is no fun.  😕  Someday I hope to have more exciting updates!

[Rosetta]

Good idea to slow down.. You don't want it to all pile up.  Hope today goes well!

[wantrelief]

54 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Good idea to slow down.. You don't want it to all pile up.  Hope today goes well!

Thanks very much for your support, Rosetta.  I am thinking about you and hope your day goes well too!

[Rabe]

Hi WR....just thinking about you and hoping that holding for a bit has helped your symptoms?  I hope so!!!  Take good care of you!  Love and hugs dear friend!  💜

[Carmie]

On 6/16/2019 at 4:16 AM, wantrelief said:

Thank you @jen84 and @Rabe for stopping by and for your very kind thoughts.....I really appreciate it!

 

Update: It has been almost one week since my last drop and overall it has gone well.  I did have some stomach upset (diarrhea - ugh) a couple of days after my last drop which I think was related to WD but of course there is no way to know for sure.  Things seem to have settled in that department (knock on wood).  I ended up stopping my supplements (the magnesium and fish oil) though because of the GI upset and am debating if I want to add them back in or not.

 

I am thinking about holding until next month to give my brain/body a break and make sure the last cuts don't catch up with me.  I hate prolonging the taper but also realize that although I am going slowly, I have been consistently cutting for awhile (maybe this is what my stomach was trying to tell me?) so perhaps it would be wise to hold. I am also hoping to see a friend in Portland, OR (Rabe's hometown!) at the end of the month and was thinking it would be good to hold until after that.

 

As always, I have immense gratitude and admiration for everyone here on this journey. 🙏

 

Hi wantrelief, 

 

Glad to hear your last drop is going well. You’ve done great getting down to 13.5mg from 24.4mg.

 

It feels good every time we make a drop, no matter how small, doesn’t it? I can only taper by small amounts myself and I’ll be tapering for a really long time as yet, but every time I do a drop it feels like quite an achievement. I have to hold about a month and a half, or so, every time. I just listen to my body. It changes all the time. 

 

Wise decision in having a bit of a hold now.  I’ve actually had really long holds if I knew something important was coming up. 

 

Have a lovely time with your friend in Portland.💚