wantrelief Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 2 hours ago, Greatful said: Well I over did it again. Came home after my errands and jumped in bed under my covers (weighted blanket on bed) to help calm me down. I felt unwell in the brain/mind. I was able to get up to make a quick supper and take a sauna, feeling a little bit better. I am really sorry for how you felt post-errands. I am glad you were feeling a little better later on. You should be proud of yourself for getting out there and running errands! 2 hours ago, Greatful said: I did a quick read of your into...I feel for you, you've been here since 2012? Have you been tapering that long? Yeah, I wish it weren't true but I've been here since 2012 and before that I was on Paxil Progress although not really active there. It is kind of shocking how long I've been at this. To summarize, I have attempted a few slow tapers that would eventually get derailed (i.e. go into full withdrawal mode) - one time I don't know what happened but all the other times it was from stress. I would updose and hold for a few months, stabilize, and eventually try again. 2 hours ago, Greatful said: I see you switched to cit from Zoloft. Do you think you had WD from the Zoloft and the Cit didn't cover it? When I did that switch, I did get WD from the Zoloft but eventually stabilized and started tapering citalopram. I had a couple of incidents described above happen and kind of gave up, going back up at some point to 20 mg of citalopram. Well, even with holding on 20 mg citalopram for a year I got thrown into withdrawal when stress hit. I tried increasing slowly to 25 mg but didn't stabilize after 5-6 months so at that point I was told that I could be in tolerance. So in early 2018, I decided to once again embark on yet another tapering journey but this time tapering while experiencing withdrawal symptoms (what I call stabily unstable). Then in 2021 I suddenly experienced a full window where I felt stable (it was wonderful!) and that lasted for a year only to go back to the same place I was in before once again due to stress. UGH. It has been such an extremely painful long frustrating road for me. Thank you for being here and for all you do, Greatful. I have read many of your comforting and kind messages. I am also a Baylissa fan. I am thinking of you and walking this path along with you. 💖 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Rosetta Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Hey, wantrelief, Just wondering how you are. All my love, 🧚🏻♀️Rosetta https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25 2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born) 2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg 2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction) 2016 - Stopped Xanax Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown) Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone Drug free since Feb 2017 2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep Link to comment
wantrelief Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 Hi @Rosetta, thank you so much for your thinking of me. I am hanging in there, still slowly tapering citalopram. Somehow I am able to taper without experiencing much in terms of withdrawal symptoms which I am grateful for. However my baseline still remains the same which is quite difficult to say the least. I experience so many fears and doubts about my ability to fully heal from this but I continue on as I hold onto hope that it will be okay in the end. I hope you are doing well, Rosetta. I have missed your presence here but hope your not being here means you are living a beautiful full life. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Rosetta Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Oh, thank you, wantrelief. No, I have a lot of stress. Otherwise, I would be here more. I miss everyone, and I want to help. There are several issues in my life that have me worried and trying hard to cope. I’m quite busy, and I have very little time to relax. You may have noticed that I moved 5,800 miles from home. It’s been hard. Sometimes, it’s fun or very interesting, but day to day, it’s hard on me and my family. At the same time, I think the fact that I am coping, poorly sometimes, but coping, is a testament to the ability of our brains to heal. I do not feel too many symptoms of withdrawal. Everything has improved a lot regarding WD. However, every Springtime, I have a lot of anxiety. I have read that allergies can cause anxiety. I do not have symptoms such as being stuffed up or pressure in my sinus cavities. I sneeze infrequently, but as much as I love the flowers, I wonder if they are causing problems. Could it be a form of kindling, and therefore related to WD, or did the anti-histamine effects of the antidepressants change my body? Perhaps I have always felt this way in the Spring. I don’t know. I have to go out and walk anyway. All that said, I have many reasons to be grateful that withdrawal and PAWS is something the body and mind do heal from. You will get there. Please believe that. I completely understand the doubt. I had doubt for a very long time. For a long, long time, I was doubting more than feeling hope. Then, it came and went, came and went. This month is my 7th year anniversary of a completing fast taper — six or eight (6-8) weeks, I think. I thought was a normal taper, of course. It was at Christmas of 2016 when I decided to quit, and I finished my taper in February of 2017. I’m very sorry that you are suffering and your baseline is not good. I know you won’t give up, but “Don’t despair.” Well, yeah, despair sometimes - that’s normal. I don't like to hear “don’t” because it seems to be intended to invalidate my feelings. I still feel despair sometimes. There is a surgery I want to have to relieve a physical issue. I wish I could have colonoscopy, but I do not dare. I cannot risk it. Nonetheless, I’m more or less ok. Just remember that it’s going to be okay - one day. You will get there. All my love, 🧚🏻♀️Rosetta 1 https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25 2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born) 2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg 2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction) 2016 - Stopped Xanax Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown) Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone Drug free since Feb 2017 2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep Link to comment
wantrelief Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 Thank you, as always, for your words of encouragement @Rosetta.....everything you said means so much to me. I am in awe that you moved to a whole other country! 3 hours ago, Rosetta said: At the same time, I think the fact that I am coping, poorly sometimes, but coping, is a testament to the ability of our brains to heal. 3 hours ago, Rosetta said: I do not feel too many symptoms of withdrawal. Everything has improved a lot regarding WD. While it sounds like you are dealing with quite a lot, you are getting through it. It is indeed a testament to your recovery and the ability of our brains to heal. It is wonderful to hear that you don't feel many symptoms of withdrawal any longer. I am hopeful in time as you adjust to your new life, the stress will lessen. You are amazing!! Thank you for continuing to be here when you can. You are such an inspiration to me and so many others. With much love, WR -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Jaffa Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 @wantrelief I have been thinking of you. How are you going? 2003 Paxil - I can't remember the dose but I think it was 10mg experienced horrendous akathisia when starting for 3 weeks then okay 2004. slow reduction to 0 , withdrawal symptoms, so reinstated to 10mg - again horrendous Akathisia which lasted 5 weeks. 2005 - attempted to slowly taper off and again Terrible withdrawal so reinstated and endured akathisia until it settled. Psychiatrist changed me over to Zoloft so that I could have another baby. No adverse reaction with the switch except terrible diorreah 2006 tried once more to come off Zoloft carefully with terrible results. reinstated Zoloft and used 2.5 mg of zyprexa to help Akathisia- horrid episode lasted 3 months with some akathisia and severe depression which I’d never had before. Withdrawal from zyprexa ( depression) 2008 50 mg of Zoloft then after 6 months I tapered to 25 mg and decided to stay there . 2012 stress event and peri menopause acute anxiety which led to, updosing to 125 mg, tortuous symptoms(akathisia) then stabilized, back to 50 mg- 2014 - same again down to 25 with Akathisia on updosing and a hospital visit. 2019 - 2023 Zoloft tapering by 2 mg linear taper every 3 months started at 50 mg, got to 25 mg around January 2023. June 2023- health anxiety and what feels like withdrawal again. Insomnia, anxiety, blunted good feelings. 2023 June- Zyprexa taken twice, ativan 1 mg taken once, temazepan infrequent but 15- 18th of June used for 4 nights 2023 August - introduced 7.5 mg of mirtazapine for 12 days then 15mg of mirtazapine. Sleep now ok but daily life depression, anhedonia, agitation and a weird feeling of being sedate and anxious at the same time. Currently holding. My introduction thread: Jaffa: Possibly late onset withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 Thank you for your message @Jaffa and for thinking of me. I have been thinking about you too and have been wondering how you are doing. I am glad you reached out to me as I have been meaning to write you. I am not seeing any changes to my baseline and everyday is a real challenge to get through. I question what I am doing all of the time as this has taken so much more time than I ever imagined. It is difficult to keep going with something when you don't see any change day after day. As I get lower on citalopram I am also fearful of what may come when I stop. And then there is the whole clonazepam taper looming before me -- I try not to think about that as it is just too overwhelming. One day at a time is all I try to do. From reading your thread it looks like you are getting ready to commence tapering. We are in such similar places where holding doesn't help so the only answer appears to slowly come off the drugs all whilst experiencing awful symptoms. I am grateful we have one another as support on this journey. You are not alone, Jaffa, and I am wishing you all the best as you move forward. We will get through this, together. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Jaffa Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 17 hours ago, wantrelief said: am not seeing any changes to my baseline and everyday is a real challenge to get through What are your main symptoms? Are you sleeping ok? You are almost off citalopram. This is amazing. Don’t worry about klonopin yet. Let some serotonin receptors repair first. I mean … I think that’s how it works? You have truly weathered the storms want relief. Are you able to do any activity that might stimulate your brain and maybe encourage some healing/ neuroplasticity? Learning a musical instrument or a new language? Or are you feeling too unwell for these activities? Im moving to liquid Zoloft on Friday. I will stay on 25 for a month just to adjust to liquid then start to taper by 5% or a micro taper. Terrifying but got to move forward. Hugs 2003 Paxil - I can't remember the dose but I think it was 10mg experienced horrendous akathisia when starting for 3 weeks then okay 2004. slow reduction to 0 , withdrawal symptoms, so reinstated to 10mg - again horrendous Akathisia which lasted 5 weeks. 2005 - attempted to slowly taper off and again Terrible withdrawal so reinstated and endured akathisia until it settled. Psychiatrist changed me over to Zoloft so that I could have another baby. No adverse reaction with the switch except terrible diorreah 2006 tried once more to come off Zoloft carefully with terrible results. reinstated Zoloft and used 2.5 mg of zyprexa to help Akathisia- horrid episode lasted 3 months with some akathisia and severe depression which I’d never had before. Withdrawal from zyprexa ( depression) 2008 50 mg of Zoloft then after 6 months I tapered to 25 mg and decided to stay there . 2012 stress event and peri menopause acute anxiety which led to, updosing to 125 mg, tortuous symptoms(akathisia) then stabilized, back to 50 mg- 2014 - same again down to 25 with Akathisia on updosing and a hospital visit. 2019 - 2023 Zoloft tapering by 2 mg linear taper every 3 months started at 50 mg, got to 25 mg around January 2023. June 2023- health anxiety and what feels like withdrawal again. Insomnia, anxiety, blunted good feelings. 2023 June- Zyprexa taken twice, ativan 1 mg taken once, temazepan infrequent but 15- 18th of June used for 4 nights 2023 August - introduced 7.5 mg of mirtazapine for 12 days then 15mg of mirtazapine. Sleep now ok but daily life depression, anhedonia, agitation and a weird feeling of being sedate and anxious at the same time. Currently holding. My introduction thread: Jaffa: Possibly late onset withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 5 hours ago, Jaffa said: What are your main symptoms? Are you sleeping ok? I find it really difficult to describe how I feel everyday as words do not accurately describe it, or at least I haven't found the right words but I will try. I feel "sick", my body just wants to lie down as if I am physically ill but I am not. My body doesn't want to move but then I get restless at the same time. I experience symptoms of "depression" (I put it in quotations as this is unlike anything I have experienced before or is much more exaggerated and feels chemically driven) - lots of apathy and anhedonia, it feels like my brain isn't working or is shut down. I can't think of anything I want to do, as if I never existed. I can't concentrate very well. I also have plenty of "anxiety" (also feels chemically driven) on top of that which is very uncomfortable - a general feeling of overwhelm (I am easily overstimulated), intrusive thoughts (including SI which worsens when under stress) and rumination, maybe some derealization. I feel very stuck in my mind. I basically do not feel like I am in my body or mind. All of this is worse in the mornings and tends to feel a bit better by evening but is never completely gone - however at least I can feel a bit more like myself than earlier in the day. There are other symptoms but I think those are the main ones. I do get some sleep but my usual pattern is that I fall asleep okay (perhaps because I am still on clonazepam) but wake up in the early morning hours, how early varies. Sometimes I fall back to sleep but usually not. It starts to become very uncomfortable being in bed but at the same time I can't make myself get up. It is so hard to want to start the day feeling the way I do but eventually the uncomfortable feelings get to be too much and I make myself get up. 5 hours ago, Jaffa said: You are almost off citalopram. This is amazing. Thank you for your support! I am getting closer to being done with the citalopram but want to get somewhere below 1 mg before I stop. I will definitely wait to start the clonazepam taper. I don't feel well enough to engage in the activities you mentioned but I do try to do things to stimulate my mind and try to get out everyday to do something....just doing the things I do feels impossible at times. 5 hours ago, Jaffa said: Im moving to liquid Zoloft on Friday. I will stay on 25 for a month just to adjust to liquid then start to taper by 5% or a micro taper. Terrifying but got to move forward. I am wishing you a smooth transition to the liquid Zoloft. You have a good plan to stay on 25 mg to adjust to the liquid and then trying a small reduction to see how you do. I know how absolutely terrifying it is to take these steps....it takes so much courage and you are doing it, Jaffa. I will be cheering you on. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Jaffa Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 @wantrelief I can relate to all of your symptoms and I especially relate to you not being able to explain them. Added to that, when the mind is tired from the struggle it can feel very hard to describe our experience. What you describe is clearly withdrawal. Its so hard. I have some of these symptoms 5 hours ago, wantrelief said: My body doesn't want to move but then I get restless at the same time. This is my body every morning. I have to get up and do stuff to distract from how unpleasant this is. 6 hours ago, wantrelief said: I feel very stuck in my mind. I basically do not feel like I am in my body or mind. Horrible I know! This may be a crazy suggestion but does a guided meditation help you at all? I sometimes try Tara Brach - saying Yes to life . Its about 15 minutes and when you get a bit better at it you can do the 25 minutes. This is also good brain training/ neuroplasticity. Even 5 minutes can be a start. I also do some youtube yoga - Cassandra yoga for stress and anxiety. I know these things barely touch the sides of this experience but I feel like its so important to keep doing something positive for the nervous system every day. All this said I'm not experiencing such acute symptoms ....yet, so these things are manageable for me. I think when the neuro emotions are in full swing - everything is really hard. Absolutely nothing feels like its helping. Neuro emotions can feel quite maddening. I try to just see them as they are. When I feel the exaggerated emotion or warped negative emotion I call it out. Say it out loud - neuroemotion - not real -brain injury - on its way to healing. 6 hours ago, wantrelief said: All of this is worse in the mornings and tends to feel a bit better by evening but is never completely gone - however at least I can feel a bit more like myself than earlier in the day. Yep! Are you able to enjoy a bit of tv at night? Have you tried dancing even when you don't feel like it. Finding the right music is difficult. Dancing can put you into your body and can be a healing way of expressing the pain or whatever it is you are feeling. You can move a little or a lot. Maybe just your hands move to the music. Just looking at your signature and I wonder why you changed from Zoloft to Citalopram? I think you already told me -it felt like the Zoloft wasn't working? Don't explain if its too exhausting. I can check back in your thread. Do you eat red meat? Some one I've been talking to has been praising the Carnivore diet for repairing the brain??? There is a newish branch of psychiatry called metabolic psychiatry. They recommend a ketogenic diet for epilepsy which has had success. I need to do more research on this. Im off to a support group today. An antidote for the chronic loneliness of this journey. Talk soon Thinking of you and sending you warm healing vibes. Keep on keeping on . Remember that body knows how to heal. Keep being kind to yourself Much love Jaffa 2003 Paxil - I can't remember the dose but I think it was 10mg experienced horrendous akathisia when starting for 3 weeks then okay 2004. slow reduction to 0 , withdrawal symptoms, so reinstated to 10mg - again horrendous Akathisia which lasted 5 weeks. 2005 - attempted to slowly taper off and again Terrible withdrawal so reinstated and endured akathisia until it settled. Psychiatrist changed me over to Zoloft so that I could have another baby. No adverse reaction with the switch except terrible diorreah 2006 tried once more to come off Zoloft carefully with terrible results. reinstated Zoloft and used 2.5 mg of zyprexa to help Akathisia- horrid episode lasted 3 months with some akathisia and severe depression which I’d never had before. Withdrawal from zyprexa ( depression) 2008 50 mg of Zoloft then after 6 months I tapered to 25 mg and decided to stay there . 2012 stress event and peri menopause acute anxiety which led to, updosing to 125 mg, tortuous symptoms(akathisia) then stabilized, back to 50 mg- 2014 - same again down to 25 with Akathisia on updosing and a hospital visit. 2019 - 2023 Zoloft tapering by 2 mg linear taper every 3 months started at 50 mg, got to 25 mg around January 2023. June 2023- health anxiety and what feels like withdrawal again. Insomnia, anxiety, blunted good feelings. 2023 June- Zyprexa taken twice, ativan 1 mg taken once, temazepan infrequent but 15- 18th of June used for 4 nights 2023 August - introduced 7.5 mg of mirtazapine for 12 days then 15mg of mirtazapine. Sleep now ok but daily life depression, anhedonia, agitation and a weird feeling of being sedate and anxious at the same time. Currently holding. My introduction thread: Jaffa: Possibly late onset withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 51 minutes ago, Jaffa said: This may be a crazy suggestion but does a guided meditation help you at all? I sometimes try Tara Brach - saying Yes to life I don't think that is a crazy suggestion at all. Guided meditations can be helpful and I like Tara Brach. I haven't listened to her recently so thank you for reminding me of her and this particular meditation. 55 minutes ago, Jaffa said: Are you able to enjoy a bit of tv at night? Yes, fortunately, I am able to enjoy a bit of TV at night. 1 hour ago, Jaffa said: Just looking at your signature and I wonder why you changed from Zoloft to Citalopram? I think you already told me -it felt like the Zoloft wasn't working? Well it was a similar problem to what happened with tapering citalopram. I was slowly tapering Zoloft when I had a very stressful event occur and my nervous system "crashed". I ended up back on clonazepam and eventually switched over several months to citalopram. 58 minutes ago, Jaffa said: Do you eat red meat? I eat red meat very occasionally. I haven't focused on a particular diet but try to eat healthily. 1 hour ago, Jaffa said: Im off to a support group today. An antidote for the chronic loneliness of this journey. That is wonderful you have found a support group! This journey can indeed be so lonely so I am glad you have found an "antidote". 1 hour ago, Jaffa said: Thinking of you and sending you warm healing vibes. Keep on keeping on . Remember that body knows how to heal. Keep being kind to yourself This has been an antidote for me, so thank you! I will be thinking of you too, Jaffa. 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Emma09 Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 On 3/18/2024 at 9:30 AM, wantrelief said: I find it really difficult to describe how I feel everyday as words do not accurately describe it, or at least I haven't found the right words but I will try. I feel "sick", my body just wants to lie down as if I am physically ill but I am not. My body doesn't want to move but then I get restless at the same time. I experience symptoms of "depression" (I put it in quotations as this is unlike anything I have experienced before or is much more exaggerated and feels chemically driven) - lots of apathy and anhedonia, it feels like my brain isn't working or is shut down. I can't think of anything I want to do, as if I never existed. I can't concentrate very well. I also have plenty of "anxiety" (also feels chemically driven) on top of that which is very uncomfortable - a general feeling of overwhelm (I am easily overstimulated), intrusive thoughts (including SI which worsens when under stress) and rumination, maybe some derealization. I feel very stuck in my mind. I basically do not feel like I am in my body or mind. All of this is worse in the mornings and tends to feel a bit better by evening but is never completely gone - however at least I can feel a bit more like myself than earlier in the day. There are other symptoms but I think those are the main ones. I do get some sleep but my usual pattern is that I fall asleep okay (perhaps because I am still on clonazepam) but wake up in the early morning hours, how early varies. Sometimes I fall back to sleep but usually not. It starts to become very uncomfortable being in bed but at the same time I can't make myself get up. It is so hard to want to start the day feeling the way I do but eventually the uncomfortable feelings get to be too much and I make myself get up. Thank you for your support! I am getting closer to being done with the citalopram but want to get somewhere below 1 mg before I stop. I will definitely wait to start the clonazepam taper. I don't feel well enough to engage in the activities you mentioned but I do try to do things to stimulate my mind and try to get out everyday to do something....just doing the things I do feels impossible at times. I am wishing you a smooth transition to the liquid Zoloft. You have a good plan to stay on 25 mg to adjust to the liquid and then trying a small reduction to see how you do. I know how absolutely terrifying it is to take these steps....it takes so much courage and you are doing it, Jaffa. I will be cheering you on. That description is exactly how I feel when I'm in waves!! The dragging/fatigue lack of motivation but underlying restlessness, so resting doesn't feel good but neither does moving...I hope your transition to liquid zoloft is going okay, that's where I'm at in my journey too. Drug history: 2016-2020: 150mg Zoloft 2020-2021: don't know the dates, down and up 25-100, by 2022 down to 25mg February 2022: CT from 25mg, reinstated after 5 days Over summer: back up to 50 then 100 (doctors advice...) Winter: back down to 50mg June 2023: 25mg OCTOBER 15th 2023: start 10% taper, switch 25mg pill to 22mg liquid sx: lightheadedness, appetite loss, some nausea, dread, despair, agitation Link to comment
wantrelief Posted April 11 Author Share Posted April 11 Hi @Emma09, thanks for your message. 1 hour ago, Emma09 said: That description is exactly how I feel when I'm in waves!! Ugh, I am so sorry you feel the same way during waves....it is just awful. Unfortunately I am in this state all of the time. 1 hour ago, Emma09 said: I hope your transition to liquid zoloft is going okay, that's where I'm at in my journey too. I am actually on liquid citalopram but Jaffa is transitioning to liquid Zoloft. I hope the switch to the liquid goes smoothly as well as your taper. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Jaffa Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 @wantrelief I decided not to change to liquid Zoloft yet! This is because I had to go to Sydney to transfer my mum to a nursing home and clean out her house, the old house where I grew up. I didn't want to bother with liquid while being away from home. I did however get a compounded script of Zoloft for 25mg in capsule form. I was cutting the 50 mg pill you might remember. It's been two weeks on the compounded 25mg and I'm actually feeling some improvement despite all the stress of whats happening with my Mum. I will give this another two weeks. I'm wondering now about my other symptoms, mainly the horrid morning wake ups and this heaviness on my chest and flat mood. I wonder if it might be an adverse reaction to the mirtazapine? I may therefore start to taper the mirtazapine to see if there is some improvement in these symptoms. 2003 Paxil - I can't remember the dose but I think it was 10mg experienced horrendous akathisia when starting for 3 weeks then okay 2004. slow reduction to 0 , withdrawal symptoms, so reinstated to 10mg - again horrendous Akathisia which lasted 5 weeks. 2005 - attempted to slowly taper off and again Terrible withdrawal so reinstated and endured akathisia until it settled. Psychiatrist changed me over to Zoloft so that I could have another baby. No adverse reaction with the switch except terrible diorreah 2006 tried once more to come off Zoloft carefully with terrible results. reinstated Zoloft and used 2.5 mg of zyprexa to help Akathisia- horrid episode lasted 3 months with some akathisia and severe depression which I’d never had before. Withdrawal from zyprexa ( depression) 2008 50 mg of Zoloft then after 6 months I tapered to 25 mg and decided to stay there . 2012 stress event and peri menopause acute anxiety which led to, updosing to 125 mg, tortuous symptoms(akathisia) then stabilized, back to 50 mg- 2014 - same again down to 25 with Akathisia on updosing and a hospital visit. 2019 - 2023 Zoloft tapering by 2 mg linear taper every 3 months started at 50 mg, got to 25 mg around January 2023. June 2023- health anxiety and what feels like withdrawal again. Insomnia, anxiety, blunted good feelings. 2023 June- Zyprexa taken twice, ativan 1 mg taken once, temazepan infrequent but 15- 18th of June used for 4 nights 2023 August - introduced 7.5 mg of mirtazapine for 12 days then 15mg of mirtazapine. Sleep now ok but daily life depression, anhedonia, agitation and a weird feeling of being sedate and anxious at the same time. Currently holding. My introduction thread: Jaffa: Possibly late onset withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted April 11 Author Share Posted April 11 Hi @Jaffa, I am so happy to hear you have been feeling some improvement with using the compounded 25 mg pill.....that is really good news! This sounds promising especially given all of the stress you are going through. I suppose if the other symptoms began after you started mirtazapine it could be an adverse reaction and/or side effects from it. If you do start a taper hopefully you'll see a reduction in those symptoms as well. Thinking of you, WR. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Ariel Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 @wantrelief Thinking of you and sending so much love, holding space for how hard this can be -- give yourself so much credit, you're doing an amazing job! I love you, keep going 2 1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs) 2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?) Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg --> July 2018 - 0mg 2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg 2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg --> July 2021 - 0mg March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT) --> April 28th, 2021 - 0mg August 2021 - 2mg melatonin August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin 2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc Courage is fear that has said its prayers. - Karle Wilson Baker love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters. - Rev. angel Kyodo williams Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are. - text on homemade banner at Afiya house I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. Link to comment
wantrelief Posted April 20 Author Share Posted April 20 2 hours ago, Ariel said: Thinking of you and sending so much love, holding space for how hard this can be -- give yourself so much credit, you're doing an amazing job! I love you, keep going It is wonderful to hear from you, Ariel. Thank you so much for your lovely message of support.....it really helps as, yes, this is all SO hard. I hope you are doing as well as can be and experiencing some positive changes. I am thinking of you and sending you much love back 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
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