Moderator Emeritus Erell Posted September 17, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 17, 2022 22 hours ago, wantrelief said: I found a new psychiatrist who is willing to support my taper going forward so that is a huge worry off of me. What good news, I'm really happy to read that! Indeed, this is one worry, and not the least, less! 22 hours ago, wantrelief said: I don't feel I have any choice but to keep going. I just hope in the end this is worth it as it is such a painful process to go through and the unknown is quite difficult. The success stories tell us it is worth it but that can be hard to truly believe while struggling, at least for me, but I keep trying! 😉 I am quite foggy so I won't manage to answer like I would like to, but here is an extract from the Success Story that I reread this afternoon (Judith), to help us keep believing ❤️ You are stronger than you think. We know that withdrawal is complex and cruel, but you must believe that you can make it through to the end. As challenging as it is, it won’t break you. Nothing is going to happen that is life threatening. Once you are emotionally safe, you will get to the finishing line. Just like you have managed in the past, the strength that brought you this far will take you the rest of the way.Don’t underestimate your resilience and the potential of the human body to heal. Whether you are still tapering, you have come off the drug and are in withdrawal, or you have been suffering for longer than anticipated, you will heal.You are going to be okay. You won’t break. Remember those before you who were once where you are now. They made it to the other side and you will too. One day the symptoms will disappear, never to return, and you will be able to celebrate your recovery.The storm clouds will drift away and the sun will shine down on you again. Be patient and keep going. Always remember that, this is healing in action. This is passing. This, too, shall pass. It is inevitable. 1 2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam. 2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg. 2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg). 25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457 Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil Current medication : * 7pm Diazepam : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020) * 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21) I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
wantrelief Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 Thank you for your support as well as the quote, @Erell. I really appreciate you. 🙏❤️ -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Soup Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 @wantrelief just wanted to send you healing hugs and really hoping things are a wee bit better for you 1 On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out 2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin 2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI 2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 2022 June - still in full withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted October 16, 2022 Author Share Posted October 16, 2022 Aw, thank you @Soupfor the healing hugs.....I am sending some right back at you. I just posted on your thread and am so sorry things are rough for you at the moment. Thank you for asking after me....that is so sweet as you are struggling so much. Unfortunately no change for me plus I have had a lot of stress going on trying to find a doctor to help me continue my taper (I thought I had found one but now not so sure about him). The stress ramps up my symptoms so things have been even rougher than usual. It feels impossible at times to get through all of this but yet we do, one day at a time. I am hanging in there with you Soup. 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Mimi79 Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 Hi @wantrelief Just passing by on your thread. Hope you're feeling a bit better. Sending you good vibes... Have a nice week-end. Marie 2008-Today: various ADs, benzos and seroquel , initially for Anxiety Related Insomnia. (Absolutely no other mental issues than simple Insomnia!). Numerous W/D and C/T of those meds. During those years, my GP diagnosed me with GAD, Depression, etc... It was all W/D related, I know now! Fall of 2019, after too fast attempt to taper Mirtazapine, put myself in full blown W/D. February 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization. February 2021, I stupidly used some Ativan prn to cope with Mirtazapine W/D symptoms (By far worst mistake of all my life!!). Became accidentally and rapidly addicted (within 2-3 weeks). Started taper immediately. Actual medication: Mirtazapine: 40,0mg - holding- Ativan Taper: Started at 0,29mg march 2021, 03-28 0.28mg/ 04-08 0.27mg/ 04-26 0.25mg/ (...) 10-29 0.18mg/ 04-05-22 0.17mg/ 08-25-22 0.16mg/ 09-15-22 0.15mg/ 10-22-22 0.14mg/…/ 01-12-2023 0.11mg /07-02-2024 switch to 1mg Valium / 14-02-2024 0,9mg Valium. Supplements: Omega-3, Probiotic. Link to comment
wantrelief Posted October 22, 2022 Author Share Posted October 22, 2022 Hi there @Mimi79: How lovely to hear from you! Thank you for stopping by and for asking how I am doing. I am doing okay....hanging in there but must admit I am very weary of this whole situation. But, alas, I am continuing forward. How are you doing? -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Mimi79 Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 @wantrelief Thank you for asking how I feel. I am not in a good place. Since this awful wave after my colonoscopy, I’ve been in a sick leave from work (third time in 3 years). This is a big failure for me, as I was trying to taper and live my life almost normally. But I failed at this… Long story short, since then, I am trying to find a way to taper my Ativan. Because I am in the very low dose, I cannot do cut and hold and weighting anymore. The pills are too tiny, the smallest steps are too big now. Each cut makes me feel bad for 6 weeks at least. Now I am trying to crossover to Valium, but I still feel the W/D from Ativan. Awful. And I am so tired to feel bad. And I still have pressure from my GP to taper ASAP and going back work. Anyway, I try to keep hope. But It is not easy these days… I really hope you will feel better soon! Take care! Marie❤️ 2008-Today: various ADs, benzos and seroquel , initially for Anxiety Related Insomnia. (Absolutely no other mental issues than simple Insomnia!). Numerous W/D and C/T of those meds. During those years, my GP diagnosed me with GAD, Depression, etc... It was all W/D related, I know now! Fall of 2019, after too fast attempt to taper Mirtazapine, put myself in full blown W/D. February 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization. February 2021, I stupidly used some Ativan prn to cope with Mirtazapine W/D symptoms (By far worst mistake of all my life!!). Became accidentally and rapidly addicted (within 2-3 weeks). Started taper immediately. Actual medication: Mirtazapine: 40,0mg - holding- Ativan Taper: Started at 0,29mg march 2021, 03-28 0.28mg/ 04-08 0.27mg/ 04-26 0.25mg/ (...) 10-29 0.18mg/ 04-05-22 0.17mg/ 08-25-22 0.16mg/ 09-15-22 0.15mg/ 10-22-22 0.14mg/…/ 01-12-2023 0.11mg /07-02-2024 switch to 1mg Valium / 14-02-2024 0,9mg Valium. Supplements: Omega-3, Probiotic. Link to comment
wantrelief Posted October 22, 2022 Author Share Posted October 22, 2022 Oh @Mimi79 I am so sorry to hear things are rough for you at the moment. Please never think of yourself as a failure....none of this is your fault. It is the opposite of failure to take time out from work when you need it. I know how hard it is to have hope at times like this but it is good you are trying....me too. You are very strong, Marie. I am hoping you get some relief very soon. 💖 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Mimi79 Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 Thank you Wantrelief for your good words. Yes indeed, we surely are strong, but we just don’t feel it in the now, do we? Feeling crappy for such a long time, I am starting to forget who I am. It is a strange feeling of loosing ourselves. I think I miss my old self more than ever. Benzo withdrawal is taking is toll on me. I know I am at a little dose, but I still feel stuck. The road ahead of me is still long. And so unpredictable, it scares me! Anyway, I don’t want to be such a downer tonight! Sheer up, girls, I must say! But I know you will fully understand what I am saying, and I feel understood here. A safe place. Thank you for listening (reading)💜 2008-Today: various ADs, benzos and seroquel , initially for Anxiety Related Insomnia. (Absolutely no other mental issues than simple Insomnia!). Numerous W/D and C/T of those meds. During those years, my GP diagnosed me with GAD, Depression, etc... It was all W/D related, I know now! Fall of 2019, after too fast attempt to taper Mirtazapine, put myself in full blown W/D. February 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization. February 2021, I stupidly used some Ativan prn to cope with Mirtazapine W/D symptoms (By far worst mistake of all my life!!). Became accidentally and rapidly addicted (within 2-3 weeks). Started taper immediately. Actual medication: Mirtazapine: 40,0mg - holding- Ativan Taper: Started at 0,29mg march 2021, 03-28 0.28mg/ 04-08 0.27mg/ 04-26 0.25mg/ (...) 10-29 0.18mg/ 04-05-22 0.17mg/ 08-25-22 0.16mg/ 09-15-22 0.15mg/ 10-22-22 0.14mg/…/ 01-12-2023 0.11mg /07-02-2024 switch to 1mg Valium / 14-02-2024 0,9mg Valium. Supplements: Omega-3, Probiotic. Link to comment
wantrelief Posted October 22, 2022 Author Share Posted October 22, 2022 You aren't being a downer at all, @Mimi79. I very much relate to how you are feeling and am in the same boat. We will get through this together....it is indeed such a long road but it helps to have you on the path beside me. 💖 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Soup Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 @wantrelief hoping things are a bit better for you . Just wanted to send healing hugs . On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out 2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin 2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI 2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 2022 June - still in full withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 Aw, thank you for your sweet message and for the healing hugs, @Soup.....it helps me feel less alone in all of this. And thank you for asking how I am doing. Everything is the same. I do feel less stress around the provider issue as that has been resolved for now, thankfully, but I am still stuck feeling awful day in and day out. I know from experience now that this can change at any moment but in the meantime it is so so hard to keep trudging along in this state.....it is such a scary place to be. I know you understand and I am sorry you are also in a position of having to wait for a break. I am thinking of you and sending you lots healing hugs back. 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Finnishgirl Posted October 27, 2022 Share Posted October 27, 2022 Hi Wantrelief! I just wanted to drop by and say that you have done an amazing job tapering! I read through almost your whole thread. I find so much hope in your story, because I have also felt bad for a long time and failed my first tapering by being too impatient and relying on wrong sources of information. Now I am just waiting to give my brain time to stabilize. I find so much hope in you, since you were able to slowly taper although you were not feeling well. I am afraid there is now way with my history that I am going to feel nothing but pretty awful when I start to taper. I think your long window was a sign that when you just taper and get rid of the poison, you will heal. You still have a quite high receptor occupancy with citalopram, so no wonder you are not feeling good yet. I am certain that you will get better and it can totally happen already during tapering. I also had to introduce a benzo because of this last failed taper and have been very worried about it. But now that I see so many people here that have taken benzos for a long time and tapering them successfully, I am not so worried anymore. I think we will be alright ❤️ Somehow I have a gut feeling based on what I have read on many places, that on average, benzos are easier to taper than ssri's. I send you a lot of hope and power to continue your successfull taper. You are amazing! 1 Citalopram for OCD 2008-2012, Drug free 2012-2015, Citalopram for anxiety 2015-2016, Drug free 2016-2017 (pregnancy), Sertralin for OCD 10/2017-04/2019. Tried fast tapering in 2019 for second pregnancy, failed (depression started), reinstated, med did not work anymore. Used Ativan then for 4 moths an tapered down in a few weeks with no problem. Built tolerance and interdose wothdrawal early on Ativan even with 3/day dosing. Since that, depression meds have had no effect. Until Jun/2021: escitalopram 20mg (monotherapy), Jun/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 20mg + bupropion 150mg Jul/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 10mg + clomipramine 10-75mg (tried to switch escitalopram to clomipramine but too bad side effects), Jul/2021-Aug/2021: bupropion 150mg (reinstated in hospital) + escitalopram 15mg, Aug/2021-Sept/27/2021: bupropion 300mg (upped dose) + escitalopram 15mg Sept/27/2021-Sept/17/2021: Bupropion 150mg (lowered dose) + Trintellix 5-10mg (switched escitalopram to Trintellix) Sept/17/2021-Dec/8/2021: Trintellix 20mg (dosage doubled after stopping Wellbutrin since Wellbutrin doubles Trintellix's blood concentration with doses 150-300mg) Dec/8/2021 : Trintellix 18mg, August 2022: crash at 5,8 mg Trintellix, hospitalized September 2022: Trintellix 20mg, Ativan 1mgx3, mirtazapine 7,5mg, October 2022: Stupid rapid taper attempt of Trintellix 20mg -> 10mg -> 7,5 mg. Back up to 15mg 10/16/2022. Trintellix: 12/12/2022 13,94 mg (-7%); 1/9/2023 13,0mg (-7%) Link to comment
wantrelief Posted October 27, 2022 Author Share Posted October 27, 2022 @Finnishgirl: How lovely it was to receive your beautiful message of support and encouragement! Thank you for everything you wrote.....I really appreciate it. You actually helped me feel more hopeful (I am very weary of all of this) with what you wrote....thank you so so much. 💖🙏 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Finnishgirl Posted October 28, 2022 Share Posted October 28, 2022 12 hours ago, wantrelief said: @Finnishgirl: How lovely it was to receive your beautiful message of support and encouragement! Thank you for everything you wrote.....I really appreciate it. You actually helped me feel more hopeful (I am very weary of all of this) with what you wrote....thank you so so much. 💖🙏 No problem, I am happy to be able to help ❤️ And btw, we have to remember that we are super strong to go through this adversity for years and years! It will get better! 1 Citalopram for OCD 2008-2012, Drug free 2012-2015, Citalopram for anxiety 2015-2016, Drug free 2016-2017 (pregnancy), Sertralin for OCD 10/2017-04/2019. Tried fast tapering in 2019 for second pregnancy, failed (depression started), reinstated, med did not work anymore. Used Ativan then for 4 moths an tapered down in a few weeks with no problem. Built tolerance and interdose wothdrawal early on Ativan even with 3/day dosing. Since that, depression meds have had no effect. Until Jun/2021: escitalopram 20mg (monotherapy), Jun/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 20mg + bupropion 150mg Jul/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 10mg + clomipramine 10-75mg (tried to switch escitalopram to clomipramine but too bad side effects), Jul/2021-Aug/2021: bupropion 150mg (reinstated in hospital) + escitalopram 15mg, Aug/2021-Sept/27/2021: bupropion 300mg (upped dose) + escitalopram 15mg Sept/27/2021-Sept/17/2021: Bupropion 150mg (lowered dose) + Trintellix 5-10mg (switched escitalopram to Trintellix) Sept/17/2021-Dec/8/2021: Trintellix 20mg (dosage doubled after stopping Wellbutrin since Wellbutrin doubles Trintellix's blood concentration with doses 150-300mg) Dec/8/2021 : Trintellix 18mg, August 2022: crash at 5,8 mg Trintellix, hospitalized September 2022: Trintellix 20mg, Ativan 1mgx3, mirtazapine 7,5mg, October 2022: Stupid rapid taper attempt of Trintellix 20mg -> 10mg -> 7,5 mg. Back up to 15mg 10/16/2022. Trintellix: 12/12/2022 13,94 mg (-7%); 1/9/2023 13,0mg (-7%) Link to comment
Finnishgirl Posted November 3, 2022 Share Posted November 3, 2022 How are you @wantrelief ? Thinking of you ❤️ Citalopram for OCD 2008-2012, Drug free 2012-2015, Citalopram for anxiety 2015-2016, Drug free 2016-2017 (pregnancy), Sertralin for OCD 10/2017-04/2019. Tried fast tapering in 2019 for second pregnancy, failed (depression started), reinstated, med did not work anymore. Used Ativan then for 4 moths an tapered down in a few weeks with no problem. Built tolerance and interdose wothdrawal early on Ativan even with 3/day dosing. Since that, depression meds have had no effect. Until Jun/2021: escitalopram 20mg (monotherapy), Jun/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 20mg + bupropion 150mg Jul/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 10mg + clomipramine 10-75mg (tried to switch escitalopram to clomipramine but too bad side effects), Jul/2021-Aug/2021: bupropion 150mg (reinstated in hospital) + escitalopram 15mg, Aug/2021-Sept/27/2021: bupropion 300mg (upped dose) + escitalopram 15mg Sept/27/2021-Sept/17/2021: Bupropion 150mg (lowered dose) + Trintellix 5-10mg (switched escitalopram to Trintellix) Sept/17/2021-Dec/8/2021: Trintellix 20mg (dosage doubled after stopping Wellbutrin since Wellbutrin doubles Trintellix's blood concentration with doses 150-300mg) Dec/8/2021 : Trintellix 18mg, August 2022: crash at 5,8 mg Trintellix, hospitalized September 2022: Trintellix 20mg, Ativan 1mgx3, mirtazapine 7,5mg, October 2022: Stupid rapid taper attempt of Trintellix 20mg -> 10mg -> 7,5 mg. Back up to 15mg 10/16/2022. Trintellix: 12/12/2022 13,94 mg (-7%); 1/9/2023 13,0mg (-7%) Link to comment
wantrelief Posted November 3, 2022 Author Share Posted November 3, 2022 Hi @Finnishgirl: Thank you for thinking of me and stopping by....that is very kind of you. I have been thinking of you too. I have been okay....nothing new to report which although difficult in that means no windows, it also means nothing has worsened so that is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes I wonder if this slow taper is worth it given I am experiencing symptoms that are the same to those who have CT'd but I am still on the drug(s). I don't know but I keep on this path hoping at some point it will pay off. I am wishing you the best, Finnishgirl, and hoping you've found some stability as you hold. 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Finnishgirl Posted November 3, 2022 Share Posted November 3, 2022 55 minutes ago, wantrelief said: Hi @Finnishgirl: Thank you for thinking of me and stopping by....that is very kind of you. I have been thinking of you too. I have been okay....nothing new to report which although difficult in that means no windows, it also means nothing has worsened so that is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes I wonder if this slow taper is worth it given I am experiencing symptoms that are the same to those who have CT'd but I am still on the drug(s). I don't know but I keep on this path hoping at some point it will pay off. I am wishing you the best, Finnishgirl, and hoping you've found some stability as you hold. That is good news that nothing has taken a downturn. I totally understand what you mean by questioning the slow taper. I was also there a while ago when I started to rapid taper (fortunately only for 2 weeks). But I guess things can always get worse, even though you think they can't. Thank you fpr thinking of me. I have noticed that an even benzo schedule has maybe helped a little bit but otherwise I feel as "stably unstable" as before. Total anhedonia, apathy emotional anesthesia and this weird bodily feeling. I don't have very good expectations of stabilization based on my history but I think the brain still rests when keeping things the same, even if you didn't notice any improvements. Have you btw noticed any change in how effectively clonopine works for you? Citalopram for OCD 2008-2012, Drug free 2012-2015, Citalopram for anxiety 2015-2016, Drug free 2016-2017 (pregnancy), Sertralin for OCD 10/2017-04/2019. Tried fast tapering in 2019 for second pregnancy, failed (depression started), reinstated, med did not work anymore. Used Ativan then for 4 moths an tapered down in a few weeks with no problem. Built tolerance and interdose wothdrawal early on Ativan even with 3/day dosing. Since that, depression meds have had no effect. Until Jun/2021: escitalopram 20mg (monotherapy), Jun/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 20mg + bupropion 150mg Jul/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 10mg + clomipramine 10-75mg (tried to switch escitalopram to clomipramine but too bad side effects), Jul/2021-Aug/2021: bupropion 150mg (reinstated in hospital) + escitalopram 15mg, Aug/2021-Sept/27/2021: bupropion 300mg (upped dose) + escitalopram 15mg Sept/27/2021-Sept/17/2021: Bupropion 150mg (lowered dose) + Trintellix 5-10mg (switched escitalopram to Trintellix) Sept/17/2021-Dec/8/2021: Trintellix 20mg (dosage doubled after stopping Wellbutrin since Wellbutrin doubles Trintellix's blood concentration with doses 150-300mg) Dec/8/2021 : Trintellix 18mg, August 2022: crash at 5,8 mg Trintellix, hospitalized September 2022: Trintellix 20mg, Ativan 1mgx3, mirtazapine 7,5mg, October 2022: Stupid rapid taper attempt of Trintellix 20mg -> 10mg -> 7,5 mg. Back up to 15mg 10/16/2022. Trintellix: 12/12/2022 13,94 mg (-7%); 1/9/2023 13,0mg (-7%) Link to comment
wantrelief Posted November 3, 2022 Author Share Posted November 3, 2022 3 hours ago, Finnishgirl said: But I guess things can always get worse, even though you think they can't. Yes....so true and this is what keeps me doing the slow taper as I really don't want things to be worse. 3 hours ago, Finnishgirl said: I have noticed that an even benzo schedule has maybe helped a little bit but otherwise I feel as "stably unstable" as before. I am so glad the even benzo schedule has helped a little bit - every little bit counts. I know how uncomfortable "stably unstable" can be though so really empathize with how you are feeling in general. 3 hours ago, Finnishgirl said: I don't have very good expectations of stabilization based on my history but I think the brain still rests when keeping things the same, even if you didn't notice any improvements. Well you never know what can happen.....more stabilization may happen. I do think you are right and it isn't a bad thing to let the brain rest by keeping things the same. Also even if you aren't noticing improvements doesn't mean they aren't happening in the background. 3 hours ago, Finnishgirl said: Have you btw noticed any change in how effectively clonopine works for you? I haven't noticed any change. I think it is probably helping me get some sleep. I still experience quite a bit of anxiety but wonder if that would be even worse too. I am very nervous about being on Klonopin though and just hope I don't reach tolerance with it as it will be quite awhile until I can start to taper it. I am grateful for your support, Finnishgirl. I am hoping you continue to see some improvements, no matter how small. 💖 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Erell Posted November 6, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 6, 2022 Hello dear @wantrelief, I am relieved to know the provider issue is now resolved. One less stress, we take it! Indeed, living the same day, over and over, is challenging, and not a good place to be in. What a bunch of optimistics we make, right ? Nothing changes, and yet we keep on moving forward ❤️ And I do believe we are right to be optimistic (even when we don't feel it), because I do believe that people do heal from dependency and withdrawal from psychiatric drugs. It is the when that challenges our minds, and the how to keep going while in the middle of the storm. But knowing we are in the middle of it can also be comforting : if there is a middle, there is and end, and we are patiently walking toward the light at the end of the tunnel. ☀️ At least that's what I'm trying to keep in mind these days : as awful it can be, as long and relenting it can be, it is only temporary. A “long” temporary, perhaps, but still, it doesn't define our entire life, only a part of it. And even during this temporary, this storm, I like to think that withdrawal doesn't define entirely who we are or that it doesn't define entirely this part of our life. I like to remember that, even when everything feels out of control, we still have ways to experience freedom and to define our life. Who I wanna be today ? What choices do I wanna make today ? What values do I want pursue today ? What thoughts do I want to developp today ? Sometimes it feels like we have to wait to feel healed to rebuild our life, but I don't think that's true. Trying to rebuild our life and to put together the pieces of the puzzles while suffering immensely mentally and physically is quite challenging, and often seems impossible. But I like to think it's not, and that we can already regain freedom in our life with small pieces and small thoughts. Oh wow, I'm rambling here, and not sure my expression of my thoughts is clear. My main point is : I think of you, I support you, and I am confident in your ability to navigate the temporary storm ❤️ 2 2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam. 2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg. 2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg). 25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457 Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil Current medication : * 7pm Diazepam : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020) * 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21) I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
wantrelief Posted November 6, 2022 Author Share Posted November 6, 2022 Dearest @Erell: Thank you so much for your wonderful, inspiring, and wise message. It is especially heartwarming to hear from you as I was just thinking about you and then got your message this morning....I love when things like that happen. Everything you said was clear and beautifully said and resonated to me. Your words are all things I need to keep in mind as I continue this path. I am very grateful for everything you said. 🙏 Thank you also for your confidence in my ability to navigate my way through this temporary (I constantly remind myself of that, that this is indeed temporary) storm. I try very hard to have that confidence but it seems to vary from moment to moment at times. I will keep your message close as you have expressed such a wise way of looking at all of this. Thank you so much being here, Erell. You are in my heart and thoughts, my brave and beautiful friend. ❤️ 2 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Soup Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 @wantrelief just wanted to see how you are doing ? I hope something is a bit better 🙏🏻 On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out 2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin 2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI 2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 2022 June - still in full withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 Hi @Soup: Thank you for checking-in with me, that is very sweet of you. I wish I had some exciting news to share but, alas, everything remains the same. I am holding onto hope that it did change before so will again. In the meantime, it is devastating to be right back in the thick of things. I know you know how it feels and I wish you didn't. Thanks again for thinking of me.....I appreciate it and you. 💖 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Finnishgirl Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 Just wanted to send you strenght, and I see you are tapering slowly but surely which gives me hope ❤️ 1 Citalopram for OCD 2008-2012, Drug free 2012-2015, Citalopram for anxiety 2015-2016, Drug free 2016-2017 (pregnancy), Sertralin for OCD 10/2017-04/2019. Tried fast tapering in 2019 for second pregnancy, failed (depression started), reinstated, med did not work anymore. Used Ativan then for 4 moths an tapered down in a few weeks with no problem. Built tolerance and interdose wothdrawal early on Ativan even with 3/day dosing. Since that, depression meds have had no effect. Until Jun/2021: escitalopram 20mg (monotherapy), Jun/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 20mg + bupropion 150mg Jul/2021-Jul/2021: escitalopram 10mg + clomipramine 10-75mg (tried to switch escitalopram to clomipramine but too bad side effects), Jul/2021-Aug/2021: bupropion 150mg (reinstated in hospital) + escitalopram 15mg, Aug/2021-Sept/27/2021: bupropion 300mg (upped dose) + escitalopram 15mg Sept/27/2021-Sept/17/2021: Bupropion 150mg (lowered dose) + Trintellix 5-10mg (switched escitalopram to Trintellix) Sept/17/2021-Dec/8/2021: Trintellix 20mg (dosage doubled after stopping Wellbutrin since Wellbutrin doubles Trintellix's blood concentration with doses 150-300mg) Dec/8/2021 : Trintellix 18mg, August 2022: crash at 5,8 mg Trintellix, hospitalized September 2022: Trintellix 20mg, Ativan 1mgx3, mirtazapine 7,5mg, October 2022: Stupid rapid taper attempt of Trintellix 20mg -> 10mg -> 7,5 mg. Back up to 15mg 10/16/2022. Trintellix: 12/12/2022 13,94 mg (-7%); 1/9/2023 13,0mg (-7%) Link to comment
Soup Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 @wantrelief just popping on to say I hope that you are doing ok and that I hope this coming up year is a better one for you and all of us 1 On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out 2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin 2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI 2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 2022 June - still in full withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted December 31, 2022 Author Share Posted December 31, 2022 1 hour ago, Soup said: just popping on to say I hope that you are doing ok and that I hope this coming up year is a better one for you and all of us Oh what a lovely message, Soup.....thank you for thinking of me. I really hope this year is a better one for you and everyone here as well. 🤞 I have really appreciated your support....your kind messages have been a bright spot in what has been such a challenging year. I am sending you lots of love and best wishes for 2023. 💖 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
wantrelief Posted January 28, 2023 Author Share Posted January 28, 2023 Hello SA friends, I haven't posted an update in awhile. I feel hesitant for some reason, maybe because I don't have anything positive or new to report or I am just so very tired of this whole thing or both. But something has compelled me to reach out and write an update so here I am. 🙂 Over the last few months I've slowly increased my taper rate from 1.25% to 2% a week for four weeks with a two-week hold. The good news is that so far I haven't noticed any difference tapering by this amount which I am very grateful for. If all continues to go well, I may increase to 2.5% at some point. I was very nervous about increasing the tapering amount as I remain symptomatic and was really worried about things worsening. So the bad news is that unfortunately my baseline remains the same. I still hold on to the reprieve I experienced in 2021 as proof my brain knows what it needs to do even while I taper and I will get there again if I keep on this oh so difficult journey. But I will admit it is really hard to remain optimistic that I will heal as everyday I have to combat the awful WD-induced thoughts as they like to tell me otherwise. Wishing everyone strength as they persist in meeting their goals to come off these drugs. It is such a difficult path but I am glad we've got one another to get through it. Much love to all, WR 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Soup Posted January 28, 2023 Share Posted January 28, 2023 @wantrelief so glad you are still tapering but sorry you don’t feel better from it ( although good you are not getting worse ….my big fear for myself ) you are Incredibly brave and should be so proud of yourself 1 On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out 2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin 2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI 2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 2022 June - still in full withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted January 28, 2023 Author Share Posted January 28, 2023 Aw, thank you for your supportive words, @Soup.....I appreciate them very much. 1 hour ago, Soup said: although good you are not getting worse ….my big fear for myself I am sorry you contend with these fears too - the uncertainty with all of this is SO hard. Thank you for being here, Soup. I am thinking of you and hope you are doing as well as possible. 💖 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Rosetta Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Hi, wantrelief, I’m happy you are doing all right with the taper you are doing. I know you have been struggling through this for a long, long time. You have made so much progress! From 25 to 3.16 mg. Wow! Such a hero, you are. Yes, a window will come again, my friend. It’s hard to wait for it. Those thoughts will eventually be a thing of the past. Recently, I had some intrusive thoughts, and I was reminded of how they were once something I experienced multiple times a day for hours on end. Now, they are much, much, much less frequent, but the nice thing is that they are usually pretty harmless. Sometimes I will think “I’m scared,” but then I realize that I’m not scared at all. Why did those words come into my head? While that might be pretty troubling to someone who did not experience the fear that I used to, for me, it’s a silly, harmless thought like “I like cats” just randomly popping in. I think it’s a habit type thing that “I’m scared” is the thought. So, I mean to say that you will continue to improve, and someday you are going to be surprised to realize you have not had a certain symptom for ages. Or, if you have the symptom, it’s intensity will be so mild as to render it unimportant to you. I often tell people that a bad wave means that heaIing is happening, but it’s also true that healing is happening all the time, too. (I hope people understand that it is not necessary to have bad waves in order for healing to be happening. Maybe this is forgotten by people who have reached a baseline “withdrawal normal” and are tapering very slowly.) You won’t have the wild swings that I had, but the drudgery of never feeling good . . . Ugh. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I would like to say, also, that I was worried that the trauma of this experience would stay with me for a long, long time (or forever) after I recovered from certain symptoms like akathisia, but I am finding that I am able to forget it for long periods of time, and I feel that it affects me less than before when I do remember. Please know that people here, even those who don’t post on your thread, feel real affection for you, and are wishing you well day after day. Keep that hope alive, and try to distract yourself as much as you can. All my love, Rosetta 3 https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25 2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born) 2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg 2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction) 2016 - Stopped Xanax Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown) Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone Drug free since Feb 2017 2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep Link to comment
wantrelief Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 Dearest @Rosetta: Your post gave me a much needed boost. Thank you for everything you said; your encouraging and supportive words are priceless. I am so pleased to have witnessed your healing through the years - you are a beacon of hope for many here, including me. With much love and gratitude, WR -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Rosetta Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 💜You are very welcome.💜 It’s important to me that my struggles have not been in vain and that I can relate to others in a way that is useful to them while they walk a similar path. I’m very fond of you, and it is so strange as we have never “met.” We live in a very weird and yet wonderful time, don’t we? Sometimes I wish I could feel as close to people I see “in real life” as I do to some of the people here at SA, but it can be that sharing an experience such as WD is the catalyst for that sort of affinity. Take care, R 1 https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25 2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born) 2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg 2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction) 2016 - Stopped Xanax Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown) Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone Drug free since Feb 2017 2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep Link to comment
wantrelief Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 @Rosetta Aw, what a sweet message.....you made my day. I am very fond of you too! Sharing this journey is definitely a bonding experience....no one else, no matter how empathetic, can understand the pain we go through or what it takes to get through day by day. You definitely have not gone through your struggles in vain as your words bring so much hope and comfort to many many people. 💖 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Soup Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 @wantrelief just sending you healing hugs On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out 2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin 2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI 2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 2022 June - still in full withdrawal Link to comment
wantrelief Posted February 12, 2023 Author Share Posted February 12, 2023 @Soup Thank you for thinking of me and for the healing hugs.....that is so kind of you. I am sending you a bunch back! 💖 1 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Carmie Posted February 15, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 15, 2023 Hi wantrelief, How have you been doing?💛 Seroquel. 2019:➡️ From 7.25mg to 5.80mg. 2020➡️5.60 to 4.80. 2021➡️4.60 to 4.0. 2022➡️3.95 to 3.55. 2023➡️ From 3.50 to 3.25. 2024➡️Jan15=3.20✔️ Feb19=3.15✔️ March26=3.10✔️May1=3.05✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor. Link to comment
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