KittenLePurr: Tapering Celexa to End a Long, Sordid History with Toxicants (Especially Psych Meds)

[Mia1]

Congratulations on getting off methodone!!! WOW, that's such a big deal!! How are you doing now?

[KittenLePurr]

On 12/5/2023 at 2:09 PM, Mia1 said:

Congratulations on getting off methodone!!! WOW, that's such a big deal!! How are you doing now?

Hi @Mia1!! Thank you very much🥰 I'm doing ok; I thought my akathisia had basically passed because it subsided, but i guess I was just having a nice, long-seeming window because it came back with a bit of a vengeance😵‍💫 I'm really trying to just practice patience, but it is very hard sometimes...especially because with akathisia often comes intense feelings of impatience, ha. But I'm doing ok. Getting at least a couple of hours or sleep each night or late morning and practicing my mindfulness.

 

How are YOU?? I saw you commented somewhere else; I'm going to look. Been thinking about you!🧡

[KittenLePurr]

On 9/23/2023 at 9:45 AM, Greatful said:

@KittenLePurr  It's good to hear your voice☺️  Congratulations on getting off of the Methadone🎉 You are a force to recon with LOL...Seriously you are an inspiration with all that you have gone through and how you are staying focused on goal.🌞

 

 

Boy ain't that the truth....Battle fatigue is also a huge factor at times.... Depression robs me of hope.  Up and down like a roller coaster 😒

 

Akathisia is nasty.  I get this in my brain, I want to bang my head against the wall,  I want the numb, tingling, burning intensity  to stop and there is no way to get to it.  sometimes the need to  move to my body and I start to squirm LOL or feel like tension in the body and frozen at the same time.  So hard to explain how incredibly awful it is at times..  

 

How is work going?  Did you end up moving?

 

 

Thank you so much @Greatful🧡 Sorry for the belated reply. Yes, akathisia is nasty...I think it's up there with the worst things in the entire world. It comes back and subsides--windows and waves--so I'm in another wave of it, unfortunately. But I'm keepin on. 

 

Depression robs me of hope, too. I often feel like there's no point in doing anything because it's difficult and it feels like nothing's happening, that I'm not feeling any or much better and it feels like it'll always be this way...I know that can't be true, but it feels like it.

 

Work is ok. I've been coasting with this one awesome, super low-key client for the past few months and I am SO grateful for him! But I'm just kinda barely making ends meet and it doesn't feel sustainable, so I'm trying to wrap my head around looking for more work. But, so many parts of me don't even want that, don't care. Hoping that passes soon. In the meantime, I'm staying afloat and it's probably the easiest possible writing work I could do, so I'm really glad it's been steady!

 

How you doing?

[Mia1]

Hi there KLP, how are you feeling? Have you started your Citalopram taper or are you still healing from the methadone? It sounds like you're handling things really well and I'm super proud of you!!

 

I'm doing okay, I have been in a pretty intense wave for a few months now and although a little difficult I have used it as a vehicle to go deeper into acceptance. Acceptance of myself, my mind, my sleep, just everything. And the magic is that every day I do have moments and sometimes hours where I feel good, really good and then of course that gives me a lot of practice with letting go because then I want to cling to feeling well 😂 

 

And I have been really connected to my higher self and have had a lot of magical moments the past year on a lot of different levels so this experience has also helped me to go really deep into trust and faith. So I keep accepting and trusting and learn to be like  water and flow with life.

[Greatful]

@KittenLePurr  Hey stranger, how are you doing?  Sending you encouragement.🌞

[Greatful]

@KittenLePurr  Sending hugs and encouragement you way🌞

[KittenLePurr]

Hey @Mia1, hey @Greatful! I'm doing OK. I'm just going through it.

 

I was still so depressed and lethargic and just struggling to do anything, and one day a couple months back I started taking kratom (a legal herb that acts similarly to opioids even though it's part of the coffee plant family) and I haven't stopped. So there's some self-flagellation there and fear around stopping. It's not as "bad" as opiates, but it's not without withdrawals.

 

So that kinda sucks. On the other hand, it has helped SO MUCH. I feel like myself again, I started working on my music and practicing my singing again, started taking on more work and sleeping more... Life has gotten better, AND there is the sense that I've got another monkey on my back--or, I guess, the same monkey, just a different species.😵‍💫 So yeah, it's complicated I guess! But I'm ok.

 

Trying to be really gentle with myself. My therapist has helped with that. She's overseas and can no longer work with Americans due to law changes in Canada, so our relationship is ending at the end of April. I'm debating whether to continue with another therapist or take a little break and save some money, which sounds kind of exciting.

 

I cut my Celexa by 1% shortly after starting the kratom, and that went well. I'm hesitant to continue with that because I know my nervous system is still going through a lot and I don't want to push it. But I'm considering doing another small cut. I don't think Celexa affects hormones the way opiates do, but that's a concern too as my cycle is all over the place with spotting and irregular start dates, and I'm 99% sure my hair is falling out. Lot of fear there (about being bald😭). Just trying to stay in acceptance and faith as much as possible and trust that my body is healing and will balance out. Just can't wait for that to happen! 

 

My cousin was on methadone and stopped CT at 90mg and said he felt terrible for a year and then was fine. I don't know if kratom is messing with that process (it might be), but I'm looking forward to the one-year mark in a few months! So we'll see.

 

How are you both doing? I haven't caught up on this site in ages. Been so focused on work and making music, and the music recording is coming together and I'm SO EXCITED about that. ❤️

[Mia1]

@KittenLePurr it’s so good to hear from you!! This can be a long and painful journey and so I myself know that it’s natural to want to alleviate the symptoms and feel better. I took a supplement in the CBD family weekly for about a year because in the short term it helped me SO much. When I passed the year mark and I wasn’t progressing I realized that it was the supplement and I stopped it. It was a bummer for sure having to give up my weekly breaks but I had to choose the long term healing. 
 

And I too had to forgive myself knowing that I probably added months, if not longer, to my recovery. It’s really okay though, we’re always making the best choices we can in the moment and the great part is we get to keep evaluating and making different choices as our needs change. We are constantly learning and growing and making mistakes so we can grow more.
 

So I guess what I’m trying to say is you’ve done an amazing job and you are incredibly strong. If you feel like this supplement may be interfering with your recovery then stop, knowing you have the strength to do that. If you feel like it’s helping and not interfering with your recovery then allow yourself to take it. Either way don’t judge yourself, instead focus on all your accomplishments and be proud of yourself, you are an inspiration to us all. 

 

I’m really happy to hear about your music, that sounds like a beautiful outlet. It really sounds like you’re doing well and I’m happy for that, you deserve it. Thanks for posting and being so honest about your experience, like I said it’s really good to hear from you 💜