j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[j1290]

DAY 16 4/10 lassitude, some emotionality, irritability, headachey

 

I've got a lot of sensitivity to light and sound.  I don't love it, but my brain has been through a lot while tapering ADs, so why would it feel good as it repairs and recalibrates?  I need to keep my expectations in check.   I suspect in a few more weeks things will be improved, and in a few months, so much the better.   

 

Historically this has been the last of the extra bumpy days, so we'll see how that plays out.   I think I can consider this cut an official success, but lots of healing left to do.   I checked my logs, really only had 3 or 4 extra bumpy days emotionally, feeling a little more solid every day.  This is also usually the last of the really bumpy days, and today was relatively minor overall, I'm just cranky because I don't like headaches so I'm giving it a 4/10 😆

[j1290]

DAY 17  3/10 lassitude, headachey, emotionality, irritability

 

Much like yesterday, but a bit easier and less intense, thank goodness.  Staying out of the sunlight was a big help.  I really appreciate the improvement.  I read another forum where someone said they had continued headaches from wellbutrin, so I'm not the first with this issue.   I also had some really great laughs today.  The emotionality is very minor, and like I said yesterday I believe will continue to firm up, just like I think the headaches will gradually diminish.   17 days is nothing, I think at 90 days or something I should be in much better shape.   I didn't take any headache pills today, didn't take anything to sleep last night and I slept great, just some wakeup anxiety that was minor.   If I can get these days down to a 2/10 I won't even bother logging symptoms anymore and will just get on with things.   Can't wait. 

[Thorin]

29 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 17  3/10 lassitude, headachey, emotionality, irritability

 

Much like yesterday, but a bit easier and less intense, thank goodness.  Staying out of the sunlight was a big help.  I really appreciate the improvement.  I read another forum where someone said they had continued headaches from wellbutrin, so I'm not the first with this issue.   I also had some really great laughs today.  The emotionality is very minor, and like I said yesterday I believe will continue to firm up, just like I think the headaches will gradually diminish.   17 days is nothing, I think at 90 days or something I should be in much better shape.   I didn't take any headache pills today, didn't take anything to sleep last night and I slept great, just some wakeup anxiety that was minor.   If I can get these days down to a 2/10 I won't even bother logging symptoms anymore and will just get on with things.   Can't wait. 

Man you’re heading in a goooooood direction here

[Fifree]

37 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I didn't take any headache pills today, didn't take anything to sleep last night and I slept great, just some wakeup anxiety that was minor. 

So good to read J. Hope it continues to improve like this and your symptoms are 0/10 real soon.

[j1290]

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Man you’re heading in a goooooood direction here

Thanks man!  You just reminded me.  This time last year, I was at 40% or so.  I'm probably at 60 or 70% now, mostly the migraines holding me back, and they'll improve with time.   

 

4 minutes ago, Fifree said:

So good to read J. Hope it continues to improve like this and your symptoms are 0/10 real soon.

Thanks Fi!   It'll happen before I know it!

[j1290]

DAY 18 3/10 emotional, anxiety, headache, lassitude

 

Got the whole package today.  Nothing unusual or intolerable, just uncomfortable.  I think my CNS is sensitized.  Things seem to be progressing just like the windows and waves thread describes.  

[Carmie]

Hi @j1290, yep, those windows and waves seem to be the norm. I’m sorry you get headaches, that must be awful. I hope they subside soon. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

[j1290]

DAY 19 4/10 anxiety, head issues, not super headachey

 

Yesterday evening and most of today was extra spicy.  One of these days I won't have these issues and i'll think to myself 'it wasn't that bad', and I'll be gaslighting myself, because who wants to remember WD as it really was 😂😂  It's been a minute, but today was one of those near panic attack days, where I woke up sensitized and went through the rest of the day doing breathing and centering exercises to keep things calm.  I think it's all imagination/sleep/AD related somehow.  I took a nap and things were reset, so good on @Fifree for mentioning the theraputic properties of some rest.  It sure worked today.   

 

I've still got some weird head activity that feels like forehead pressure right now, which is a little different but not particularly worrying.  I'm used to weird stuff at this point😆  I'd really like not to be, though.   

 

Such a strange business.  

 

Been a while since I added music.  Here's something with an international flair.  

 

Quote

 

 

[j1290]

Forgot to mention last month my Day 19 was average but Day 20 was full of anxiety as well, so I'd like to think that this just came early, rather than catastrophizing, etc.  😁  This is going to be the first time since May that I've held for longer than 21 days, so pretty soon I'll be in uncharted territory.   I'm really going to miss being able to look back at recent cuts to see what to expect, but at least i can refer back to then to see what happened.  Looking back, things seemed to get less remarkable around Day 60 because I took less notes, so I'm going to set that as my next benchmark to evaluate how I'm doing.  Between now and then, I think I'm likely to have all sorts of Windows and Waves bumpiness.   

 

Glad I re-read that windows and waves thread.  It's too easy to get caught up in fear.  The different symptoms are just my brain being rebuilt while it's still in use, which is going to require some interesting engineering 😂  Of course I'm going to have odd symptoms.  

 

17 hours ago, Carmie said:

yep, those windows and waves seem to be the norm. I’m sorry you get headaches, that must be awful. I hope they subside soon. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

I appreciate you, Carmie!  🤗  One of these days this crap will subside to background noise.  I can't wait.   

[Thorin]

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

DAY 19 4/10 anxiety, head issues, not super headachey

 

Yesterday evening and most of today was extra spicy.  One of these days I won't have these issues and i'll think to myself 'it wasn't that bad', and I'll be gaslighting myself, because who wants to remember WD as it really was 😂😂  It's been a minute, but today was one of those near panic attack days, where I woke up sensitized and went through the rest of the day doing breathing and centering exercises to keep things calm.  I think it's all imagination/sleep/AD related somehow.  I took a nap and things were reset, so good on @Fifree for mentioning the theraputic properties of some rest.  It sure worked today.   

 

I've still got some weird head activity that feels like forehead pressure right now, which is a little different but not particularly worrying.  I'm used to weird stuff at this point😆  I'd really like not to be, though.   

 

Such a strange business.  

 

Been a while since I added music.  Here's something with an international flair.  

 

 

You having some spicy symptoms too mate? I can’t wait until you get to the point where you can gaslight the hell out of yourself and not remember how hard this stuff is. Legend

[Stardust]

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

One of these days this crap will subside to background noise.  I can't wait.   

You & me both!  We're getting there, step by step.

[j1290]

15 hours ago, Thorin said:

You having some spicy symptoms too mate? I can’t wait until you get to the point where you can gaslight the hell out of yourself and not remember how hard this stuff is. Legend

Me too!!!  🤣🤣  

 

40 minutes ago, Stardust said:

You & me both!  We're getting there, step by step.

I'm so with you.  One foot in front of the other, we'll be there before you know it! 👣

[LostInCanada]

For real, I am looking forward to your break. I want you to be able to breathe easier even if it is temporary. You have been such a force! This break is so deserved 👍

[LostInCanada]

* not break easier, ugh I meant breathe easier 

[j1290]

DAY 20 Anxiety, head stuff, intrusive thoughts

 

Had a real zinger of a day!  Woke up early feeling anxious, brain a little active with pressure and whatnot.  I'm sensitized.  Had a few hours that I felt very slight side effects in the afternoon, always fighting to keep the anxiety at bay, and it washed over me in the early evening.  Went for a walk and took the edge off.  

 

Trying to remind myself one day does not make forever, and that I'm a long way away from where I can make any sweeping judgements about my recovery.   I can't allow myself to catastrophize.  On that note:

 

1)  less light sensitivity:  even sunglasses weren't enough the last few days, and today I barely noticed it.  I think it's a good sign that things are getting less sensitized.  

2)  less headachey.  Previous cuts have had mixed headache results in previous cuts so I'm not going to read much into it but just appreciate what I have 😊

3)  near panic attack not as long:  I didn't love the overall anxiety today, but the worst of it passed relatively quickly.  I'm really glad about that.   

4) memory and cognition is overall still improved.  I have to give myself a break for fumbling for words or whathave you right now.  I'm just starting to get to the other side of this last cut, and I'm truly due for a rest.  

 

I'm still having the near panic attacks and whatnot lately, intrusive emotions, but at the risk of decieving myself I think they're diminishing in duration and possibly intensity.   I wish I knew what I felt like day to day before taking ADs.  I'd bet I had some variation of these same symptoms, if I had to guess.  If anybody knows how to address them, please let me know 😂  I'd bet there's hereditary and cPTSD related factors.  Maybe its time to go back to EMDR therapy again.  It's on my radar now.  

[j1290]

5 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

For real, I am looking forward to your break. I want you to be able to breathe easier even if it is temporary. You have been such a force! This break is so deserved 👍

I appreciate you, LostIn!   Things are raw at the moment but I think in another month or two I'm going to be less sensitized to one degree or another, I can't wait 😁

[Thorin]

35 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Had a few hours that I felt very slight side effects in the afternoon,

This is a good sign. Hang on to this!

 

36 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Trying to remind myself one day does not make forever, and that I'm a long way away from where I can make any sweeping judgements about my recovery.

WD is so good at tricking people into believing ‘this is forever’. It never is, it’s just slow going at times.

 

36 minutes ago, j1290 said:

last few days, and today I barely noticed it.  I think it's a good sign that things are getting less sensitized.  

2)  less headachey.  Previous cuts have had mixed headache results in previous cuts so I'm not going to read much into it but just appreciate what I have 😊

3)  near panic attack not as long:  I didn't love the overall anxiety today, but the worst of it passed relatively quickly.  I'm really glad about that.   

4) memory and cognition is overall still improved.  I have to give myself a break for fumbling for words or whathave you right now.  I'm just starting to get to the other side of this last cut, and I'm truly due for a rest.  

These are all really positive mate!

 

37 minutes ago, j1290 said:

intrusive emotions,

You get this too? I only realised this is a withdrawal thing recently….. I get it much less now.

 

38 minutes ago, j1290 said:

guess.  If anybody knows how to address them, please let me know 😂  I'd bet there's hereditary and cPTSD related factors. 

The only ways I know to deal with it is therapy, feel it then distract eg shower, walk, exercise, swim, music etc. it’s gotten easier with time.

[2cats2272]

You’re doing great!!! I enjoy following your progress! 

[j1290]

DAY 21  light 3/10 emotionality, head pressure, dull witted, anxiety

Today is officially the last day of my 3 week taper, and I'm chalking it up as a success.  The anxiety has improved over yesterday, along with the other symptoms.   I continue to have a small headache and burning that's annoying but its light enough that I was able to have a really full day today.   The tradeoff has been feeling dull witted and some emotionality, but full, vivid emotions that were awesome.  Nice to have a good day.  

 

[Soup]

@j1290 do you taper for 3 weeks a little amount each day  then hold ? Or taper a bigger amount then hold for 3 weeks ? When you hold after a taper do feel almost normal ? Glad your day has been better . Thanks so much for sharing your journey it does help us behind you . 

[j1290]

1 minute ago, Soup said:

@j1290 do you taper for 3 weeks a little amount each day  then hold ? Or taper a bigger amount then hold for 3 weeks ? When you hold after a taper do feel almost normal ? Glad your day has been better . Thanks so much for sharing your journey it does help us behind you . 

Hi Soup, always great to hear from you😊

I do the cut and suffer method, I do a reduction then hold for 3 or 4 weeks.  I'd feel best the first 4 days or so after doing a cut, then have 12 bumpy days, then a less intense week, and the final week of a 4 week hold was more recovery and a rest from the up and down of the previous 3 weeks.   

 

Personally I never felt normal while holding, but I think I'm an outlier there.  All the reductions have made me feel incrementally better, and I'm definitely much improved over this time last year.  

 

Appreciate the support!

[j1290]

DAY 22  3/10 dull, slight anxiety, lassitude, emotionality 

 

Not much sleep, woke up with anxiety that's probably 10 or 20% better than yesterday.  I've got a long way to go, I'm happy to get a little better.  My brain has been through a lot, I need to be patient.  

[littlebird]

9 hours ago, j1290 said:

I've got a long way to go, I'm happy to get a little better.  My brain has been through a lot, I need to be patient.  

You're on your way! A poor night's sleep will color the day, so don't let it set it back if you can. Soooooo hard to just be patient and let body do it's thing, but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Hope tonight you get some solid sleep, and maybe a nice nap today.

[j1290]

9 hours ago, littlebird said:

You're on your way! A poor night's sleep will color the day, so don't let it set it back if you can. Soooooo hard to just be patient and let body do it's thing, but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Hope tonight you get some solid sleep, and maybe a nice nap today.

Your kind words are a big help, LB!  I got some sleep last night and took a big nap today.  Replying to this reminded me that I'm another 10% or so better than yesterday, so I am improving a little bit every day.   

[Thorin]

21 hours ago, j1290 said:

DAY 22  3/10 dull, slight anxiety, lassitude, emotionality 

 

Not much sleep, woke up with anxiety that's probably 10 or 20% better than yesterday.  I've got a long way to go, I'm happy to get a little better.  My brain has been through a lot, I need to be patient.  

So hard to be patient isn’t it mate. Sort of even harder when you can see those incremental improvements but you’re still not where you want to be…. One foot in front of the other….

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Your kind words are a big help, LB!  I got some sleep last night and took a big nap today.  Replying to this reminded me that I'm another 10% or so better than yesterday, so I am improving a little bit every day.   

This is great to hear. I have no doubt you’re headed to a good place. No doubt in my mind at all.

[j1290]

DAY 23  3/10 headache, lassitude, headpressure, anxiety

 

Not gonna lie, I was hoping for more of a merry go round experience rather than a roller coaster, but here we are 😁🎢🎠  I got some good rest and woke without anxiety(you guys know what a relief that is!  🤗) which started the day off right with slight improvements in emotionality etc.  I have to be grateful for improvement.  Things are moving slowly in a positive direction.  I'm still getting strange head sensations that move about, and they're much easier to tolerate when I'm less in neuroemotions.   

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

So hard to be patient isn’t it mate. Sort of even harder when you can see those incremental improvements but you’re still not where you want to be…. One foot in front of the other….

Precisely this.   You were so right mate, I need to really hold on to the good days to remember certain distressing symptoms won't last forever.   If I can get one day that's free from that symptom, I can have more.   

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

This is great to hear. I have no doubt you’re headed to a good place. No doubt in my mind at all.

Thanks bud.   Improvement is such good news, I have to focus on the fact that things are getting better and not on how far I have to go.  Easy to say, hard to do 😄

[Thorin]

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Not gonna lie, I was hoping for more of a merry go round experience rather than a roller coaster, but here we are 😁🎢🎠  I got some good rest and woke without anxiety(you guys know what a relief that is!  🤗) which started the day off right with slight improvements in emotionality etc.  I have to be grateful for improvement.  Things are moving slowly in a positive direction.  I'm still getting strange head sensations that move about, and they're much easier to tolerate when I'm less in neuroemotions

This is all good news mate. You're still heading in the right direction! Destination chill!

 

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

 If I can get one day that's free from that symptom, I can have more. 

This is very true. It's a very good sign that you're getting good days.

 

21 minutes ago, j1290 said:

 Improvement is such good news, I have to focus on the fact that things are getting better and not on how far I have to go.  Easy to say, hard to do 😄

I'm exactly the same. It can be hard to focus on how far you've come rather than how far you have to go.

[Addax]

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

Not gonna lie, I was hoping for more of a merry go round experience rather than a roller coaster,

I’ve been trying to picture a merry go round vs a roller coaster. I can see why a merry go round is preferable, for sure, especially if you’re just sitting in one of those benches rather than on a horse, rabbit, or duck that goes up and down. Although, I’d still take those over a roller coaster. 

 

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'm still getting strange head sensations that move about, and they're much easier to tolerate when I'm less in neuroemotions.

Are these painful like a headache? Or like a swishy- feeling?  I hope they are not too bad.   
This whole crazy trip would be easier to tolerate if the neuroemotions would leave us alone, yeah? 

 

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

I got some good rest and woke without anxiety(you guys know what a relief that is!  🤗)

 

Heck yes we do! Hopefully you get more of that moving forward. 

 

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

Things are moving slowly in a positive direction.

Your posts definitely give the impression of things moving in the right direction.  I know it must feel slow to you, but reading your posts it always seems to me you are moving along at a decent clip. I suppose though, “slow” is relative when you want the stuff out of your system and to be done with the tedium of tapering ASAP.

I just mentioned in my thread about how you track your symptom patterns... I’m going to try hard to do the same. Do you have a format or template you use? You’ve probably posted about it, I just wouldn’t know where to find it on your thread.

 

What will the first sentence of your success post be when you’re done tapering?

 

 

 

[j1290]

5 minutes ago, Addax said:

especially if you’re just sitting in one of those benches rather than on a horse, rabbit, or duck that goes up and down. Although, I’d still take those over a roller coaster. 

😁😎😄🎠  I forgot about those benches!   That's what I want, a bench.  As a kid I never understood how someone could sit on one, and now I know 😂

 

6 minutes ago, Addax said:

Are these painful like a headache? Or like a swishy- feeling?  I hope they are not too bad

Right now lightheaded and swishy feeling, but the weird stuff is a variety of stabbing pain in various places or brain cramps, for lack of a better term.   Fortunately it seems to improve the longer I hold.  The migraines and whatnot are also improving.   Such a weird process, but I'm so grateful for the relief!

12 minutes ago, Addax said:

This whole crazy trip would be easier to tolerate if the neuroemotions would leave us alone, yeah?

You always get it 🤣  Without the neuroemotions, well now this is a clinical exercise with me monitoring symptoms and evaluating them.   With the emotions?  I'm eating a jar of peanut butter and waiting for the world to end 😂  I've done some 14 reductions so far and each time I don't know how I made it 😆

18 minutes ago, Addax said:

Your posts definitely give the impression of things moving in the right direction.  I know it must feel slow to you, but reading your posts it always seems to me you are moving along at a decent clip.

I appreciate that, because I don't always see the forrest through the trees, especially when I'm in the middle of things.   The tell is I usually write more the better I feel 😁

20 minutes ago, Addax said:

Do you have a format or template you use?

Yes I sure do, although honestly I don't use most of the tick boxes, I kinda adapted it for my own purposes and write in the margins.  I I use the Dr. Glenmullen daily WD checklist.  I always considered modifying it but it worked well enough as it is for my purposes.   I started out very simply and now I'm a little elaborate but it works for me.   I jot a note whenever I feel moved to do it and rate my symptoms on a scale of 1-10.   

 

42 minutes ago, Addax said:

What will the first sentence of your success post be when you’re done tapering?

Tough to say.  "I did it my way", "Remember me as a man who fought" or the PG13 3rd place meme in sentence form 🤣.

 

[LostInCanada]

16 minutes ago, j1290 said:

That's what I want, a bench. 

I just wanted to get benched and kicked from this game lolol

[j1290]

DAY 24 lassitude, head pressure, slight anxiety

 

Woke up yet again anxiety free.  Yay! 😄  Took a very long nap this afternoon, but I think I will still be able to get to sleep.   I'm still quite sensitized, have some anxiety spikes and rumination, but I'm definitely improving a bit each day.   I wanted to hear about experience with head pressure resolving, so I went to another website and engaged in some accidental doomscrolling.  Lesson learned.   I'm going to draw from that experience that Niacin is worth a shot, it may take a long time to get better, and to consult an opthamologist about checking eye pressure.   

 

I'd like to be further along, but I'd also like to be 6'4, and that isn't happening either 😁

[Thorin]

56 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 24 lassitude, head pressure, slight anxiety

 

Woke up yet again anxiety free.  Yay! 😄  Took a very long nap this afternoon, but I think I will still be able to get to sleep.   I'm still quite sensitized, have some anxiety spikes and rumination, but I'm definitely improving a bit each day.   I wanted to hear about experience with head pressure resolving, so I went to another website and engaged in some accidental doomscrolling.  Lesson learned.   I'm going to draw from that experience that Niacin is worth a shot, it may take a long time to get better, and to consult an opthamologist about checking eye pressure.   

 

I'd like to be further along, but I'd also like to be 6'4, and that isn't happening either 😁

Ah so you’re no more than 6’3 at most huh

[Addax]

18 hours ago, j1290 said:

19 hours ago, Addax said:

What will the first sentence of your success post be when you’re done tapering?

Tough to say.  "I did it my way", "Remember me as a man who fought" or the PG13 3rd place meme in sentence form 🤣.

Haha! Love the image! Perfect. 
 

Thanks for including the link to the checklist in your post.

 

 

9 hours ago, j1290 said:

Woke up yet again anxiety free.  Yay! 😄

🥳 Yay!

 

 

[j1290]

DAY 25  3/10 lassitude, head issues

 

Everything is improving, including anxiety, thank heaven.  I had a meeting today and took myself out to lunch and did well.   I continue to be surprised at the intensity of the lassitude, I couldn't keep my eyes open this afternoon and took an hour nap.  I remember when I was on Venlafaxine I'd feel like that.  

 

The head stuff ranges from pressure at the temples to difficulty with vocabulary, fuzzy thinking, brain spikes and cramps, etc.  Now that I'm on Day 25 and my general anxiety level has improved, I'm less worried about it.  Certain aspects of my brain feel really good and clear, so even if that changes tomorrow, it can change back again one of these days.   Did I say I'm grateful for less anxiety?  Because I am.  I wouldn't mind never going back down that road again.  

 

Nobody can accuse me of being well put together right now 😆 or anything, but it's so great to improve even 10%.  

[Fifree]

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Everything is improving

What could be better than that? So glad to see that that things are going well for you J. Loved the third place meme too. You've gotta make the most of your wins hey?

[j1290]

DAY 26  3/10 medium level anxiety, head pressure, sensitized

 

Weird ride today.  Mirrored my last Day 26 but much improved, thank heaven.  I was mildly irritable and medium anxious today, and no headaches(!).   I'm not getting my hopes up on that one(I am😆) , but it sure makes the rest of it all more tolerable.   I got out more today than I have in ages.  Great to get back into the thick of it.  I've got to be patient and remember I need to be patient at least another month before things are going to begin to be more settled.  I did 6 reductions since my last hold and I'm sensitized.  

My plan going forward is to be extra vigilant about taking OTC or prescribed meds and caffeine.   I'm going do my best to let my CNS relax.  Easier said than done, I ❤️cappuccino.  I do not ❤️ anxiety though, so time to give it a break.

The fatigue of the last few days has nearly completely dissipated today.  I might have relaxed a little bit but I didn't take a nap at all.   

 

23 hours ago, Fifree said:

What could be better than that? So glad to see that that things are going well for you J. Loved the third place meme too. You've gotta make the most of your wins hey?

Thanks, Fi!  You said it, things are improving and that's all I can ask for, really.   That meme cracks me up, I see so much of myself in it 🙄😄