sophiaaa2: To hell and back (almost home…)

[sophiaaa2]

Hi everyone!

 

I feel now is the time for me to log out and move on. It’s been 16 months since my cold turkey, I’m no longer in dying hell with 100 or more symptoms or completely frightened on getting through the day, but there is still a little more healing to be done, both withdrawal & personal. I was so thankful that the nightmare (acute) period ended, it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced..

 

I feel more frustrated now rather than sick because once you feel more and more yourself and have done the bulk of the healing, but yet aren’t fully there, with a handful of things in the way. you can see and get glimpses of your life again in the short distance but can’t yet reach out to grab it. It’s tough, I’m hoping that with all that has changed up until now I’ll reach that destination very soon. (The pandemic plays a huge part here) Keep going! You’ll not even know how you’ve survived when things slowly start to lift. You’ll be proud of your strength and ability.

 

This needed to happen for me and shockingly I’m thankful for it, and I have learned so much about myself through it, I’m becoming the absolute best version of myself and can’t wait to have my life back, a step at a time. Now I just have the pain of grieving for all of the lost time, and some of the traumatic moments of this visit to hell.. I wish you all the best, have faith..

 

if I have any advice.. please if you’ve found this website before discontinuing, take on all of the great help and advice on tapering. I know I so wish I had that and this site before then. I’m going to leave now, thank you for giving me and so many others this space, it’s life saving.

 

this for me is already a success, I’m so much better and it’s time for me to close the chapter♥️

[Go2zero]

Hi sophiaaa2,

 

So good to read your success story! Congratiolations. 

 

When I read your introduction thread and your success story it is clear that your positivism and your faith have brought you very much in the healing process. Great to read that this website has helped you also a lot. Personally I have the same experience. Without this website I was probably still struggling with too high reinstatements and changing meds...

 

I will lock your introductory thread for new posts. It will stay visible however.

 

Wish you all the best! 🙏

[MaryMoo429]

@sophiaaa2 So happy to hear you have made it through to the other side. It definitely gives me hope and inspiration to keep moving forward. I wish you continued healing, love, light and laughter. 

[sophiaaa2]

@MaryMoo429@Go2zero thank you so much.. keep going all of you. I have a few lingering things, that I know will fade out with more passing time. I do have one tip for everyone that reads this! As you go through this healing, reassess what you think the ending looks like. At first you’ll expect perfection and complete stability, but for me I only became more realistic with myself as it continued, that the end wouldn’t look completely perfect. That is when the real work starts, the personal stuff, inner healing and the growth after withdrawal. The rebuilding of your life. I’m about to turn 23, and I will make sure that I get these past few years of my life back.

[Nugget97]

Hey @sophiaaa2 so happy to hear you have recovered or are nearly there. I’m nearly 8 months off lexapro and I saw in your intro you mentioned that you had intrusive thoughts? Please tell me they went! I’m dealing with bad intrusive thoughts and OCD the past couple of Months and they are so distressing. It doesn’t feel like me at all and these thoughts are just madness and so scary. I’m literally constantly questioning my sanity and scared I have some undiagnosed mental illness now because of withdrawal, it’s so frightening  

[MaryMoo429]

@Nugget97 I know the feeling. It’s absolutely terrifying. Lexapro was my last psych med to come off of as well. 

[Nugget97]

@MaryMoo429 I’m sorry you are also going through this. It’s so horrible I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Are you fully off it? If so how long? 

[MaryMoo429]

@Nugget97 yes I am fully off. It will be a year in just a couple of weeks on September 14th. 

[Nugget97]

@MaryMoo429 and what have your symptoms been like? Windows and waves? Worst ones?

[MaryMoo429]

@Nugget97 Check out my thread, I post pretty frequently about my symptoms. I’m still experiencing all of the ones I’ve listed there aside from the energy rushes in my chest when falling asleep. Those has pretty much subsided entirely and only happen once in a while (very, rarely now). 

[Nugget97]

@MaryMoo429 just read your thread there. Glad to hear the energy rushes are gone. I have the exact same thing except they still are lingering. I only find they get worse when I’m sleeping alone. They are horrible. 

[MaryMoo429]

@Nugget97For me the better able I was to try and not let them frighten me, the less they affected me. It’s so hard to do though. Have they gotten any better?

[Nugget97]

Hi @MaryMoo429 sorry I didn’t see this till now. There has been some days they have gotten better and some days they got worse again without me doing much either time. It shows I suppose that my brain is trying to get its act together. 

[Kate2301]

Hi Sophia! How are you feeling now? I’m nearly 3 months off and feeling so much better then I was hit feel strange everyday day in the afternoon until evening, mornings are now fine! I feel emotionally weak and mentally vulnerable but in the mornings I feel like myself strong and normal? Is this anything like you felt at any stage in your journey? X

[sophiaaa2]

On 8/28/2021 at 11:03 PM, Nugget97 said:

Hey @sophiaaa2 so happy to hear you have recovered or are nearly there. I’m nearly 8 months off lexapro and I saw in your intro you mentioned that you had intrusive thoughts? Please tell me they went! I’m dealing with bad intrusive thoughts and OCD the past couple of Months and they are so distressing. It doesn’t feel like me at all and these thoughts are just madness and so scary. I’m literally constantly questioning my sanity and scared I have some undiagnosed mental illness now because of withdrawal, it’s so frightening  

They will come and go! But will fade out eventually, i found the more you get used to them the more control you have over them. Yes some of the content can be distressing but it helps to remember, you are not your thoughts, Especially right now! I also had spent months during this time telling myself, I had every mental illness possible, just try and keep your googling to a minimum. It’s maybe your brains way of trying to get answers to what is wrong with you and it’s somehow easier to blame this on undiagnosed mental illness than a drug withdrawal. I’m sure outside this experience your mental health will be ok. Just hang on

[sophiaaa2]

On 9/27/2021 at 9:29 PM, Kate2301 said:

Hi Sophia! How are you feeling now? I’m nearly 3 months off and feeling so much better then I was hit feel strange everyday day in the afternoon until evening, mornings are now fine! I feel emotionally weak and mentally vulnerable but in the mornings I feel like myself strong and normal? Is this anything like you felt at any stage in your journey? X

Hi girl, I’m okay. For me, Stress can definitely give me some setbacks but after each time, I’m miles ahead again. I will be honest, it’s odd but there is a period that you feel quite good, before things do get even harder. the comparison from morning to nights is very real so just go easy on yourself. You got this!

[username001]

Hi @sophiaaa2 did you have hearing difficulties during withdrawal? Struggling to understand what people say, hard to locate noises? 

[Mary1976]

On 29/8/2021 at 00:03, Nugget97 said:

Ehi@sofiaaa2 così felice di sapere che ti sei ripreso o che ci sei quasi. Sono quasi 8 mesi fuori da lexapro e ho visto nella tua introduzione hai detto che avevi pensieri invadenti? Per favore dimmi che sono andati! Negli ultimi due mesi ho avuto a che fare con cattivi pensieri invadenti e DOC e sono così angoscianti. Non mi sento affatto come me e questi pensieri sono solo follia e così spaventoso. Metto letteralmente in discussione costantemente la mia sanità mentale e ho paura di avere qualche malattia mentale non diagnosticata ora a causa dell'astinenza, è così spaventoso 

Anche io mi sento così