KenA: Finally Made It Through

[KenA]

Hey everyone,

I said that once I was healed and felt back to normal again I would write a success story and I do believe that today is finally the day for it! It was a very long journey for me personally, but I know that others have been going through it for even longer. So for those of you that are still in the thick of it, I will tell you this! Keep on going and going and going!! Never ever give up! I truly do believe that everyone heals no matter how long it takes!! For some it is shorter than others, but it's coming for all of us!

 

You can read my intro topic and see that I really didn't find this site until I was almost 8 months in deep. I was one of those who CT quit everything because nothing was working for me and I got tired of trying different things to feel better. I was extremely fortunate to meet a wonderful lady who had survived the process and she reached out to me. She was able to encourage me daily to keep going and helped me to get through the very worst of days! I was so lucky because most people do not have that support system, but it was a life saver. 

 

Some things that I learned while going through this process:

1. Stay as positive as you possibly can! I know it's hard, believe me. There were so many days I just wanted to get in a funk and stay there, but I knew how dangerous that was. If you let yourself always see the bad in things, then eventually that is all you will see! Take what is happening to you and turn it around. Find something positive in your day. When I was having the worst of symptoms, instead of feeling bad about it and moping about it, I would turn it around and tell myself that I was having a good strong day of healing! The harder the symptoms, the more healing that was taking place. I made it a positive thing!!

 

2. Acceptance!!! I know this one is hard!! It was for me and took me a very very long time to learn it, but once I did it made a world of difference for me. The symptoms no longer had the power over me that they once had. Yeah they were still there, but I would just acknowledge them and then move on. There was nothing I could do about them, so I just let them happen. Besides it just meant that I was doing some more healing. The sooner you can learn how to accept the process the easier the process becomes.

 

3. Time!!! Unfortunately in my experience I found that there are no shortcuts in this process. There is no magic pill or drug that I could take that was gonna heal me any faster. I had to be patient and wait for my brain and CNS to heal! There was no way to speed up the process or make it any easier. I just had to get through it! That was it. Time time and more time!! Each day you go through is one day closer to your ultimate healing so don't give up!! 

 

4. Distract!!! Find something anything that you can use to distract yourself and make the time go by. For me it was long walks, paint by numbers, etchings, diamond dots, models, board games with my children!! Just anything to pass the time! The more I was able to distract myself, the more healing that was taking place without me worrying about it! When you sit around all day and don't engage your mind, it has nothing to do but ruminate on what you are thinking or experiencing. Distract!! 

 

5. Keep track of the good days! I experienced the normal waves and windows pattern that is normal for a lot of people. I would keep a journal daily where I would write down what I was thinking, how things were going. And for me most importantly, when I was feeling good in a window, I would write about it in the journal. I would write notes to myself reminding myself that I could feel good again and that I would feel good again. That way on the hard days I could go back and see what I had written to myself to know that I was gonna be ok.

 

And that's honestly about it! That's what worked for me! Just remember that what you are going through is temporary!! This is not the rest of your life. One day you will be healed and able to move forward with life and enjoy the days. This whole process has made me such a strong and more resilient person. Little things in life no longer really bother me and I have found I have so much more patience and understanding than I ever did before. As much as this whole thing sucked, it has made me a better person!! 

 

Just remember to keep going and going for as long as this takes!! You've got this and you know it! I will be sticking around the forums to help others. I always told myself once I made it through this I was gonna pay it forward and help others as well. Don't hesitate to reach out if needed!

 

Ken

[Go2zero]

Wow @KenA, what a great success! Congratulations! 

 

I am really touched and impressed with your positive way of dealing with withdrawal. I guess we can all learn from that!

 

Acceptance, changing thoughts, distracting, etc. are all such good things to support our healing. I really hope the we will help others here. You would be a great help with your attitude!

 

And I can say from experience that helping others here can be a beautiful to do!

 

I put her a link to your introductions thread and will close that one.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/22768-☼-kena-8-months-in-withdrawal-after-ct/

 

 

[Phoenixmama]

@KenA thank you 🙏🏼 🥳🥳🥳🥳 

[Mia1]

@KenAWhat a wonderful success story, I’m so happy for you!! 🎉

[benesh]

Ken..heart warming,hopeful and very appreciated.

Thanks for your success story and taking the time to fill us in.

[Greatful]

@KenA Congratulations ken, you are an inspiration to us all.  

[Moonpie]

Rejoicing with you!  You are such an inspiration!  Thank you for caring about others and wanting to help!

[jutland86]

@KenA Congratulations! What a wonderful success story. I'm really happy for you. Hope that you will stick around

[Fromthenetherlands]

Hi @KenA,

 

Congrats! Did you have cognitive issues and how did the improvement go? 

[woody1981]

Congrats Ken,

So happy you are recovered and enjoying life again. Thanks also for the support mate, your a bloody legend. 🤙🏼

[Hernamoeg]

 

Congratulations, Ken, and thank you very much for sharing your success story. It is such an inspirational one! I am so happy for you, you must be very proud of your achievement. I have taken notes of your advice so that I can read them whenever I need it -most of the time now as I am so scary and just starting this long way home-.

You are so generous wanting to help and offering to be there for other people like you, like us who are struggling or, in my case, who is lost and on my very first steps, trying to learn it all, reading, looking for information, browsing through the topics, getting used to the site, devoting all the time (the few moments) I get left to this urgent, most important task.

If only I could follow your path and example! Every word that speaks of hope and encouragement comes as a blessing, I find myself craving for them as nobody round me believes in my recovery. They take me for a lost case as I have been suffering for so long (since I was twelve, 55 now!!!).

Without the support you and others provide I think I would not even try. Convincing myself of the possibility of change, of getting better after all these years of suffering and medication is not that easy when everything and everyone seem to be playing against you!

 

I will read your introduction and follow your posts as long as you continue writing. Thank you again, thank you so much, your generosity speak wonders of you, I am sure life will reward you for it and your effort. My best wishes and congratulations again!😇😘

[JohnKross]

Wow amazing Post !! Thanks for sharing Ken. All the best for you

[MaryMoo429]

@KenA Congratulations and thanks for sharing your success story it was great to read. 

[KenA]

On 8/27/2021 at 4:24 AM, Fromthenetherlands said:

Hi @KenA,

 

Congrats! Did you have cognitive issues and how did the improvement go? 

I did have some cognitive issues early on, but they had pretty much all resolved by the 1 year mark. It just took time for them to all resolve, but I'm happy to say they are all gone at this point

[KenA]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:40 AM, Hernamoeg said:

 

Congratulations, Ken, and thank you very much for sharing your success story. It is such an inspirational one! I am so happy for you, you must be very proud of your achievement. I have taken notes of your advice so that I can read them whenever I need it -most of the time now as I am so scary and just starting this long way home-.

You are so generous wanting to help and offering to be there for other people like you, like us who are struggling or, in my case, who is lost and on my very first steps, trying to learn it all, reading, looking for information, browsing through the topics, getting used to the site, devoting all the time (the few moments) I get left to this urgent, most important task.

If only I could follow your path and example! Every word that speaks of hope and encouragement comes as a blessing, I find myself craving for them as nobody round me believes in my recovery. They take me for a lost case as I have been suffering for so long (since I was twelve, 55 now!!!).

Without the support you and others provide I think I would not even try. Convincing myself of the possibility of change, of getting better after all these years of suffering and medication is not that easy when everything and everyone seem to be playing against you!

 

I will read your introduction and follow your posts as long as you continue writing. Thank you again, thank you so much, your generosity speak wonders of you, I am sure life will reward you for it and your effort. My best wishes and congratulations again!😇😘

@Hernamoeg Thank you much! It was quite the long journey but it was well worth it!! I know that you are just getting started in your journey, but it's never too late. My best advice to you is to take it slow and be gentle with yourself. This is a very trying process, but I truly do believe that everyone is capable of doing this and making it through!! 55 is never to late! Just try to stay as positive as you possibly can. I promise it helps! Try and keep living your life as best you can! I know it can be hard, but I personally kept working and doing things with my family no matter what. I refused to give up living. I did have to take it a bit easier, but that was ok. I don't know alot about tapering as I CT quit everything, but if you need any general advise or encouragement don't hesitate to reach out!

 

Ken

[Nugget97]

Hey @KenA your story really inspires me. I constantly read it when I’m in a wave. Thank you for sharing it and wishing you the best. Just a quick question. I saw that you mentioned that all your mental symptoms eventually completely went, did you have withdrawal OCD? I started to develop this around month 4 when the dark intrusive thoughts started popped in and I’m just worried about it, I’m OCD about every thought I have now and my thoughts don’t seem like my own at all they can be very distressing. 

[KenA]

@Nugget97 Glad to hear that my story is helping to keep you inspired and going on  As for your question, I had a bit of what you might call OCD, but it really wasn't that major for me. Mostly just worrying about a symptom here or there until I learned acceptance. I def can relate to those dark intrusive thoughts. I remember how horrible they were, but you have to remember that they are just thoughts. You do not have to act on them at all. If you just let them come and go, then they will lose the power over you that they have. They truly can be frightening when you have them, but just reassure yourself that they are not thoughts you would have if you were healthy, so chalk them up to just another wd symptom and know that they will all go away one day! This all is just temporary my friend and we just have to keep on going until the day we are healed!! You are doing amazing, so keep it up!! You are going to be ok!! Just keep going and going until you are healed!! You can do this and you know it! 

 

Ken

[Nugget97]

On 8/31/2021 at 10:34 PM, KenA said:

@Nugget97 Glad to hear that my story is helping to keep you inspired and going on  As for your question, I had a bit of what you might call OCD, but it really wasn't that major for me. Mostly just worrying about a symptom here or there until I learned acceptance. I def can relate to those dark intrusive thoughts. I remember how horrible they were, but you have to remember that they are just thoughts. You do not have to act on them at all. If you just let them come and go, then they will lose the power over you that they have. They truly can be frightening when you have them, but just reassure yourself that they are not thoughts you would have if you were healthy, so chalk them up to just another wd symptom and know that they will all go away one day! This all is just temporary my friend and we just have to keep on going until the day we are healed!! You are doing amazing, so keep it up!! You are going to be ok!! Just keep going and going until you are healed!! You can do this and you know it! 

 

Ken

Hi @KenA thank you so much for your reply and your reassurance. I really appreciate it. The thoughts and the OCD surrounding these thoughts is hard to deal with but I’m surviving. Did yours pop up from the beginning or did you develop them a couple of months into withdrawal? I never had mine from the beginning it was around month 5 just as I was getting better and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that they started to creep in slowly. Now it’s like they have nearly taken over me. If I didn’t have them I know I’d be 90% healed because the thoughts cause me to have physical anxiety and crying spells which is the worst. It’s all just mental for me now. 

[KenA]

@Nugget97Of course my friend! I know how hard those runaway mental thoughts can be. They can get to be overwhelming at times for sure. For me, they really didn't develop until later on. The first 6 months or so were mostly a lot of physical problems with just it being hard to concentrate and some memory issues. The emotional and other mental stuff didn't start for me till probably around 6-7 months. That's when the really hard stuff started. The anxiety and depression and the dark thoughts really hit me hard at that time and lasted a good 6-7 more months before those really started to fade away. Just remember this is all temporary my friend. It will come and go, but eventually it will go away for good. Till then just take it one day at a time and remember that you are healing!! These symptoms are a side effect of our healing brains! You've got this!

 

[Nugget97]

2 hours ago, KenA said:

@Nugget97Of course my friend! I know how hard those runaway mental thoughts can be. They can get to be overwhelming at times for sure. For me, they really didn't develop until later on. The first 6 months or so were mostly a lot of physical problems with just it being hard to concentrate and some memory issues. The emotional and other mental stuff didn't start for me till probably around 6-7 months. That's when the really hard stuff started. The anxiety and depression and the dark thoughts really hit me hard at that time and lasted a good 6-7 more months before those really started to fade away. Just remember this is all temporary my friend. It will come and go, but eventually it will go away for good. Till then just take it one day at a time and remember that you are healing!! These symptoms are a side effect of our healing brains! You've got this!

 

You have no idea how reassuring this is to hear!! I was always an overthinker so I’m constantly like maybe my overthinking has just developed into this and this is just me, not withdrawal. It is sometimes so hard to not think about the fact that this is just me now but you have given me so much hope! And of course it is withdrawal I was never even remotely like this before! I even find myself avoiding certain movies or things to avoid being triggered and my mind to start going crazy! Like you it was mostly physical stuff at the beginning as well as crying spells. But since month 6/7 the mental symptoms have completely taken over. It’s now been 2 and a half months of this. Your success story is one of my favourites and I keep reading it over and over again. I can’t wait to get back to my old self. Thank you so much again! 

[Becky67]

Congrats!!! and Thank you. My prayer is soon to be added my success story.💙

[KenA]

[Moonpie]

Love it!!

[KenA]

[Moonpie]

Lol so true!

[Kate2301]

Ken, thank you for taking the time to come back and help us all but posting your positive words! 
I read your story over and over again, I have it saved in my phone and when I hit a wave (like now) I go to it, it’s almost like a comfort blanket!

I’m 3 months off and was gradually doing better and better with a strange feeling in the afternoons, hard to explain but just felt weird yesterday however I woke at 4am with a racing mind and heart pumping so fast, felt like it all day yesterday and didn’t sleep again last night because of it, I wondered if you ever had a set back like this that you got over and felt better? I’ve read that the bad waves can be the majority of healing but would love to hear if you had this and if you felt more healed afterwards? I’m struggling today it’s knocked me back after slowly feeling like I was improving 😢

[KenA]

9 hours ago, Kate2301 said:

Ken, thank you for taking the time to come back and help us all but posting your positive words! 
I read your story over and over again, I have it saved in my phone and when I hit a wave (like now) I go to it, it’s almost like a comfort blanket!

I’m 3 months off and was gradually doing better and better with a strange feeling in the afternoons, hard to explain but just felt weird yesterday however I woke at 4am with a racing mind and heart pumping so fast, felt like it all day yesterday and didn’t sleep again last night because of it, I wondered if you ever had a set back like this that you got over and felt better? I’ve read that the bad waves can be the majority of healing but would love to hear if you had this and if you felt more healed afterwards? I’m struggling today it’s knocked me back after slowly feeling like I was improving 😢

Hey there,

Im so glad that im able to help you out and my story gives you strength!! 

Sadly yes, there were soooooo many times that i would have long extended windows and truly would feel like I had made it. I thought this must be the end, only to get hit by a massive wave that knocked me on my butt. It would take my breath away at how strong they would be. I would think to myself wow, I thought I was almost done. But yes, once they passed I felt even better afterwards. Its like in the beginning our brains are doing lots of smaller fixes to try and stabilize us, but then it has to get to the harder fixes that can feel like we havent healed at all. But just remember we are always healing. Sadly non-linear healing is completely unpredictable and we just have to ride it out!! Just keep taking it one day at a time. When that next window comes it is gonna be sweet relief!! Youve got this for sure!! 

[Happy2Heal]

Congratulations Ken!!
 

what a fantastic success story and what awesome advice, so clearly written and 100% based on my experience, anyway

 

So glad you made it, and so glad you wrote about it!! 

 

If I ever have a bad day, even though I've made it to the other side myself, I will come back and read your post here.

 

A lot of it can apply to just about any rough time in life, really.

 

[Kate2301]

Thank you so much for taking the time to come back and reply to me. I often think to myself when I’m through all this will i mentally be able to come back and help others or will I be too weak to be able to talk about it, I guess you are proof that it’s possible! I really want to be able to help other people when I can!

im still in the wave, woke again this morning and as soon as my eyes opened the thoughts transfixed on my situation and my mind started to go crazy, didn’t have this for 2 weeks and remember blissfully laying in bed relaxed and taking in the sounds of the birds outside my window! Can’t wait for this to go but I guess I have to view it as healing time, my body is working hard to recover right 🤔

thank you again, words like yours catapult me forward and it’s what I try harder to think about when I do wake, it sure helps! 😊

[KenA]

19 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Congratulations Ken!!
 

what a fantastic success story and what awesome advice, so clearly written and 100% based on my experience, anyway

 

So glad you made it, and so glad you wrote about it!! 

 

If I ever have a bad day, even though I've made it to the other side myself, I will come back and read your post here.

 

A lot of it can apply to just about any rough time in life, really.

 

Thank you so much my friend!! I have found that this whole experience really did change my outlook on life!! Just staying positive and accepting everything that life throws our way can truly help us through any hard times we face!!

Edited October 8, 2021 by KenA

[KenA]

14 hours ago, Kate2301 said:

Thank you so much for taking the time to come back and reply to me. I often think to myself when I’m through all this will i mentally be able to come back and help others or will I be too weak to be able to talk about it, I guess you are proof that it’s possible! I really want to be able to help other people when I can!

im still in the wave, woke again this morning and as soon as my eyes opened the thoughts transfixed on my situation and my mind started to go crazy, didn’t have this for 2 weeks and remember blissfully laying in bed relaxed and taking in the sounds of the birds outside my window! Can’t wait for this to go but I guess I have to view it as healing time, my body is working hard to recover right 🤔

thank you again, words like yours catapult me forward and it’s what I try harder to think about when I do wake, it sure helps! 😊

Of course!! That's exactly what a wave is my friend! A period of healing time!! And healing time is good!! No matter how hard it seems to be, it's a good thing. Shows we are always getting better and better and your brain and CNS are doing what they need to do to get you healed!!! You are gonna be just fine for sure!!! I truly do believe that everyone heals, it just takes us different amounts of time, but you are gonna be ok for sure!! Keep riding that wave until you reach the shore, and look through that beautiful window!! 

[Fightinghard]

@KenAHello My Friend!  It’s great to see this! I’m happy for you!  I’ve been away from this forum for awhile trying to get myself back on track after my major set back with melatonin.  I’m still struggling but slowly improving. It’s been a battle. This site became very triggering to me but now it’s better.  Not sure why what was triggering. Anyway, I’m very happy for you.  I’m hoping and praying  that I’ll be on my way soon not too far behind!    

[KenA]

@Fightinghard Glad to hear that you are starting to see some improvement my friend! I know it's been a long hard journey, but you are doing amazing!! Just keep taking it one day at a time until you get there my friend!! You will get there I know it!!

[Kate2301]

Thank you so much KenA, your words are currently getting me through the days! I hope one day I can come back here and help people as you are!

I’m now experiencing hours of good and hours where my mind suddenly goes more panicky and anxious and a few hours later I feel more relaxed again and happier, I’m finding I sleep lovely at the moment I wake feeling good and about 2 hours later I start to feel weird and panicked and overwhelmed and that lasts about 5 hours and later in the day I start to feel a bit better and can eat and relax again, would you say this is a wave and my mind healing? I always read about people having windows that last days and waves that last days or weeks but mine seems to change daily so it worries me that this is me and now WD? However I never felt anything like this before AD?! I thank you again for supporting me and all these people, I read over your words whenever I am feeling bad again! 😊

[KenA]

On 10/12/2021 at 5:36 AM, Kate2301 said:

Thank you so much KenA, your words are currently getting me through the days! I hope one day I can come back here and help people as you are!

I’m now experiencing hours of good and hours where my mind suddenly goes more panicky and anxious and a few hours later I feel more relaxed again and happier, I’m finding I sleep lovely at the moment I wake feeling good and about 2 hours later I start to feel weird and panicked and overwhelmed and that lasts about 5 hours and later in the day I start to feel a bit better and can eat and relax again, would you say this is a wave and my mind healing? I always read about people having windows that last days and waves that last days or weeks but mine seems to change daily so it worries me that this is me and now WD? However I never felt anything like this before AD?! I thank you again for supporting me and all these people, I read over your words whenever I am feeling bad again! 😊

@Kate2301What you are describing sounds like the typical waves and windows pattern. Feeling good, then bam, the wave hits, then it passes and you feel good again. That is a good sign. Just means that your brain is working on what needs to get fixed. Eventually the pattern will settle down, where the waves and windows last longer, but the intensity levels out. In the beginning my waves and window pattern was very similar to yours, but then mine would settle down into the long windows (5-10 days), then longer waves (2-3 days) but the waves were way less intense and more annoying than anything. Just remember that none of this is really predictable. Everyone has to go through WD the way that their brain and CNS determine. Sadly there is no magic recipe or standard we can count on. I learned to honestly expect the unexpected. That way I was never disappointed when it didn't go my way. Because I would honestly think to myself sometimes "oh boy I'm gonna get a window soon" and it wouldn't happen when I wanted. I would get upset because of that, so I eventually learned to just ride it out. Once I truly started to accept things, it got a lot easier. You are gonna be ok I promise!! This process does have an end to it!! One day you will be healed and able to move through life with a confidence that you've never known!! Stay strong and take it day by day!! You've got this and you know it!!

 

Ken

[Kate2301]

Thank you so much Ken, i had a bad 2 hours yesterday evening but woke feeling ok again and I’ve been out and about all day, I’m finding when I’m properly distracted I feel a lot more like myself and when I try to sit down and relax by myself it gets a hold of me. My main symptoms when in a wave is ruminating thoughts about WD? Did you have this at all? And if so did it go? It’s my worst symptom I think just worrying and thinking about WD and if il be free one day so it makes my brain feel unclear and stressed if that makes sense. I find it hard to relax and just chill out and watch tv, is that normal? 

I thank you again, you definitely have amazing way with words and making me and probably many others feel better 😊