☼ NardilTime: desperate for guidance

[NardilTime]

Backslid: I’m going through an extended wave that, like always, is very different (yet similar at the same time) to past waves but is absolutely brutal. I’m really struggling to keep my head above water. This is shocking in the beginning of year 3. People around me are starting to have real disbelief and I’m afraid I’ll lose my support system. 

[Altostrata]

It's one foot in front of the other, @NardilTime You've come through this before, you'll come through this again.

[NardilTime]

Thank you @Altostrata. This too shall pass. 

[NardilTime]

Hi everyone and @Altostrata. Quick update: I continue to improve but I feel sick most of the time. I seem to feel better when active but if I’m TOO active I bring on a wave. Light exercise is helping. My stress tolerance is increasing. I want desperately to work but it is so difficult to gauge if I can make it through a day or week. Just one foot in front of the other at this point. But when I do think back to where I was 3 or 6 or especially 12 months ago, the improvement is undeniable. If you follow the motto of “get off, stay off” the improvement is inevitable. I’ll check in again soon. 

[NardilTime]

Update: about three weeks ago the major symptoms suddenly stopped. I woke up and I felt sick, did a short half hour job interview, and when I was done they were gone. I keep waiting for them to come back but so far they haven’t. There are a few minor symptoms like burning in my legs and some agitation but nothing serious. Maybe this is it? Fingers crossed. I’ll give it a few more months and then maybe it’ll be time to write a success story, God willing. 

[Altostrata]

!!!!!

[NardilTime]

Hello everyone and @Altostrata, time for an update. I began working again last week. Before beginning my new job I was having sometimes significant symptoms, though nothing like those of the past. Pretty quickly after starting work and returning to a normal schedule they largely abated. With the exception of a few passing symptoms that never last more than 15 minutes I’m largely symptom free. I’ve had periods of normalcy before so I’ll wait before I declare complete and total victory over withdrawal, but as of right now I am feeling very normal. I have been drug free for 2 years and 4.5 months. 

[NardilTime]

A strange thing has happened. After not having any significant symptoms for some time, I got sick last week and after partially recovering and doing some light exercise developed a wave. This is why I’m waiting to do a success story. 

[Chaos9211]

You have come a long way, a truly resilient and inspiring journey. reading it gave me lot of hope. Thank you and I wish you good luck

 

[NardilTime]

Thanks @Chaos9211. Wave passed, was only semi-intense for a few days. Most of the time I am fine but if I exert myself too much (or get sick) I seem to have the return of some symptoms. But it doesn’t last too long and it isn’t too severe, just annoying and it slows me down. Hope you are doing well. 

[NardilTime]

I’ve passed another milestone in recovery. I’ve been able to exercise intermittently for about six months but if I lifted weights within 48 hours I would be extremely tired and nauseous. That has passed. I can now exercise without serious repercussions. Other than the small wave when I got the flu I have had no symptoms for almost two months. I have been drug free for 2 years and 6 months. 

[NardilTime]

I think I’ve made it. Gonna give it two more weeks to be absolutely certain then I’m going to write a success story. 

[NardilTime]

Well, I keep having waves due to over exertion at work combined with exercise. They are not horrible waves that stop me from functioning, but I’m still symptomatic. A good friend on these forums suggested I wait until I am 6 months without symptoms to post a success story. That seems wise, so I’ll hold for now. Overall, however, I am highly functional and starting to deal with the trauma of this indescribable experience as best I can. It is very very difficult psychologically and emotionally to face the consequences of antidepressant drug use, and I do not know if I’ll ever truly recover from that. I am taking my life one day at a time and trying my best not to look too far ahead. Sadly, I could really benefit from therapy, but I do not trust these people any longer. I am going to have to deal with this on my own.