PortugueseSea: metoclopramide, akathisia and mirtazapine

[PortugueseSea]

End of the year update:

 

Current situation; I am writing this while mildly agitated/activated, inner tickling in my neck area and burning in my eyes. Moderate terror. I am in a wave.

 

Key symptoms; there is something to celebrate, one of my three major symptoms has largely gone, my neck sensations have become less frequent, less intense and less distressing. They are no longer a symptom that substantially affects my quality of life.

 

Agitation/activation too, even if always present, has lessened intensity maybe 30,40%, it waxes and wanes.

 

Terror, tearfulness have been, unfortunately, sticky, they have been constant, distressing and very very tiring. It’s been the worst symptom for the last two months.

 

I know 2024 will be a year of healing!

I have achieved a lot in 2023!

 

Thank you @Altostrata, @Rosetta and everyone else!

[Rosetta]

Yeah!  You have achieved a lot!  I’m very happy to hear that your neck muscles are returning to normal.  It’s such a relief to realize healing.  I’m so sorry to hear you are still experiencing terror.  Please know that it will also leave you, eventually.  For now, distract, distract, distract.  
 

Take care,

Rosetta 🧚🏻‍♀️

[PortugueseSea]

On 12/27/2023 at 4:26 PM, Rosetta said:

For now, distract, distract, distract.  

It is so weird, I do not experience bouts of neuro-emotions for the most part. The terror, or activation/agitation is like a background hum that never lets go. It only shifts in intensity.

 

 

On 12/27/2023 at 4:26 PM, Rosetta said:

I’m so sorry to hear you are still experiencing terror.  Please know that it will also leave you, eventually.

Yes, I must always keep this in mind! This too shall pass! It is so challenging to do my every day life with this always, always, torturing me in the background. Alas, it is what it is, and, above all, each year its grip will loosen more and more!

[PortugueseSea]

2024 symptom highlights:

 

2023 started very badly and ended up being year of healing, after coming off mirtazapine in Spring my symptoms skyrocketed in Summer, making me feel I had gone back to when it all began, December 2021. Luckily, that lasted *only* two or three months. After that, over time, my agitation/activation started improving and my disturbing neck sensations have finally left.

It is thus a pleasure to say that my unholy trinity of suffering is no longer an unholy trinity, it is a duo from hell, they have lost one member, the neck somatic sensations.

SERIOUS Symptoms in order of distress;

 

1. Agitation/Activation (3-5/10): No matter how much I improve this is the symptom that bothers me the most, it stops you from ever truly relaxing and easily leads to despair. I only get a break during sleep or, rarely, early morning or late evening. Improved 30%-40% in 2024

 

2. Terror/Tearfulness/Eye burning sensation (6-8/10): Accompanying the distressing constant agitation, there is the symptom that has healed little since this started, terror. It waxes and wanes but it is always there. It is accompanied by a burning sensation in my eye area which I do not know if it is independent or a direct product of terror as they seem to usually match in intensity. Improved 10%- 15% in 2024.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Healing does happen, just cutting my serious symptom list from three to two feels amazing, it paves the way to this new year. I truly hope that in my 2025 post I will be announcing that another one of these has left, and then, maybe, just maybe, in 2026, I will be announced that the last one has left me.

[Dutchsarah]

It's great to read that you are improving a little. 

I hope 2024 will be the year of even more healing for all of us. 

[PortugueseSea]

One thing that I cannot wrap my head around, or accept, is how variable time wise recovery is.

I was just chatting with a guy who recovered within 9 months, I know that happens but to me it sounds like science fiction. Here I am dragging my feet 2 years in, 10 months off meds.

Alas, patience is a virtue and I am seeing gains.

[PortugueseSea]

On 1/12/2024 at 10:55 PM, Dutchsarah said:

It's great to read that you are improving a little. 

I hope 2024 will be the year of even more healing for all of us.

Hope we will discuss our improvements big and small in January 2025!

 

[PortugueseSea]

I am now 2 years and 3 months off my reaction; 1 year of all meds.

 

I am currently on a wave, it is bad, yes, but being able to recognize it’s a wave shows how much progress I’ve made.

 

I’ve decided to describe exactly how I feel at this precise moment to document the experience for myself and others.

 

I am sitting on a chair waiting for a client at a café. There’s some music playing. The atmosphere is soothing.

 

Symptoms at this precise time in order of severity:

 

- Mild agitation/inner tension, mostly felt on upper torso.

- Feels like an electrified spear is stuck on my neck (moderate)

- Mild terror.

- Burning sensation in eyes (moderate)

- occasional air hunger (light) and chest pressure (light)

 

it feels horrible, but it doesn’t even compare with waves I had at start or some years back… A wave now is better than my baseline two years back.

 

Still, I crave for healing. For me, after akathisia for this long, healing means one simple thing. To be able to relax… that’s it.

 

love guys

 

 

 

 

[Rhernan]

On 2/21/2024 at 11:11 PM, PortugueseSea said:

I am now 2 years and 3 months off my reaction; 1 year of all meds.

 

I am currently on a wave, it is bad, yes, but being able to recognize it’s a wave shows how much progress I’ve made.

 

I’ve decided to describe exactly how I feel at this precise moment to document the experience for myself and others.

 

I am sitting on a chair waiting for a client at a café. There’s some music playing. The atmosphere is soothing.

 

Symptoms at this precise time in order of severity:

 

- Mild agitation/inner tension, mostly felt on upper torso.

- Feels like an electrified spear is stuck on my neck (moderate)

- Mild terror.

- Burning sensation in eyes (moderate)

- occasional air hunger (light) and chest pressure (light)

 

it feels horrible, but it doesn’t even compare with waves I had at start or some years back… A wave now is better than my baseline two years back.

 

Still, I crave for healing. For me, after akathisia for this long, healing means one simple thing. To be able to relax… that’s it.

 

love guys

 

 

 

 

Hello!  I don’t know how after all this time I’m have only just now run across your thread!  I must say you have persevered and are quite literally a warrior!  All you have been through and it seems you have taken it all with poise and, dare I say grace?!  Well done!

 

I was injured by a medication that was given to me under general anesthesia for a knee surgery.  I was then put on a benzo (Xanax) and later switched to valium for my taper.  I then was put on Mirtazepine which I came off of last year, July 2023.  I have hit my worst wave now between months 5-7 and it’s taken me back for acute.

 

Can I ask, how do you manage with working and having a child?  Do you essentially “fake it till you make it?”
 

I have found reading your posts very uplifting and hopeful. 

 

 

[PortugueseSea]

On 3/15/2024 at 3:20 AM, Rhernan said:

Can I ask, how do you manage with working and having a child?  Do you essentially “fake it till you make it?”
 

I have found reading your posts very uplifting and hopeful. 

Mirtazapine can be nasty, my eye burning symptoms came with the discontinuation of mirtazapine.

 

Working and having a child… well, yes, you do it for them, you fake it until you make it.

 

Once your symptoms stabilize you can just push through, the trick is to try to get your sleep hours, as long as I am sleeping I feel I can manage my day.

 

But yeah, it’s rough, I believe I’d be healing faster if I slowed down, thing is, I can’t afford to to do that, literally. So, I sacrifice myself for my family, hey, I’m still healing so no complaints.

 

Now the agitation is the only symptom that truly gets to me, although it has calmed down. If I could properly relax I’d be 100% fine.

 

So, I’m patiently waiting for that moment to come. I live my life fairly normally now and I do commit some sins against recovery at times like consuming too much sugar or a bit of alcohol.

 

I feel like I’m close to capturing normalcy but there’s still ways to go.

 

Thanks for dropping by, I love corresponding with fellow travelers

 

 

[PortugueseSea]

Symptom highlight:

 

Agitation/Activation

 

This is the big one for me, once it’s gone I will consider myself healed. My definition of healing is it’s absence. The day I can feel 100% relaxed is the endgame of this recovery.

 

What does it feel like? It’s a nervousness, a lightning rod of electricity stuck on my neck or the back of my head.

 

It’s at its worse sitting down. I feel it the least when walking.

 

It affects everything I do, taking care of my kid, working, trying to have fun. I can control my breathing and rest/sleep but, while awake, it’s been over 2 years since I’ve felt truly relaxed and at peace.

 

it’s around a 3/10 now, it’s come a long way but it still steals the show. Even when my eyes are burning at 7/10 what truly bothers me is the uneasiness, the inability to relax.

 

This is my testimony, I will be free from this curse one day, God willing. Despite mishaps, setbacks and waves, one day it will go.

 

I’ve been tracking my symptoms a long time. I am getting there. I will keep going, for my son’s sake, for my sake.

 

Healing is happening every day.

[withhopeinmyheart]

Thank you for your words of encouragement and strength. I can relate to the never being relaxed. You're right, I'll also consider myself healed once that's possible. Napping, enjoying, being... 

[PortugueseSea]

Right?

 

it sounds like something pedestrian, but in the end it grinds you down like waves against a rock.

 

It’s its 24/7 presence that truly gets to me, I’d like to think that if it was more intermittent I’d deal with it better but… who knows?

 

Today I was okay most of the day but then in the evening I had to sit a couple hours straight for work… that’s when the going gets rough…

 

Thanks for the encouragement everyone

[PortugueseSea]

Baseline;

 

What is my baseline? I find this a very difficult question to answer.

 

Today I feel like I’m having a baseline day so I’m going to have a shot at it:

 

I’m sitting down on a bench, doing somatic tracking. I start from my feet, they feel normal, comfortable, perhaps with a slight tingling on my left foot.

 

I go up my body, the torso feels normal, the arms feel normal. The chest is where the first sign of symptoms occurs.

 

There’s a slight pressure on it, breathing is normal, there’s just this weight.

 

Then, I reach my neck and head. Funnily enough, I often find myself comparing my neck and head to my foot and ankle. Because one feels so normal and the other so abnormal.

 

It feels like there’s a ball of adrenaline inside the back of my neck. Or that it’s stuck to a low power socket. The sensation diffuses into the back and head.

 

Then, behind my eyes, there’s this constant and intense burning, I’d say a 6/10 normally.

 

These two symptoms together sometimes ofuscaste activation/agitation. The latter has been calming down and I sometimes wonder if the distress from the aforementioned somatic sensations has come to replace it.

 

I continue walking, continue healing.