Kyle1234: protracted withdrawals from sertraline

[Marie1234]

Original topic made by mother - Marie1234: withdrawal support for my adult son

This has now been merged with primary member Kyle1234 to keep the information in one place.

 

Hi

So glad to have found this site and hope someone can help us and provide the support and guidance we are desperately looking for. 

 

I am a mother of an adult son who I am supporting since coming off sertraline and am desperately looking for some help and guidance to pass on to him. He is not in a position to do this himself and will of course post when he can.

He has been taking sertraline on and off for the past 7 years, dates of doses are to the best of our knowledge and his memory.

 

The reason he was put on sertraline followed a panic attack, where he was given a prescription but not made aware of how these should be taken, the side effects and was not monitored.

My son is scared he has done permanent damage, as he took doses erratically for a period of time and did not realise it was putting him through a withdrawal each time.

 

This year he tapered down slowly from 100mg, over an 8-month period to 25mg every 3 days before finally stopping. During the following 4 weeks he started to feel obsessive intrusive thoughts. As he was due to go to Croatia in July, he contacted the doctor to reinstate hoping it would see him through so he could enjoy the holiday. They advised him to reinstate on 50mg not 25mg which he wanted to do. On his return from holiday, he wanted to get off the sertraline and the doctor advised him to just stop (no tapering advice was given).

He stopped on the 2nd of August 2022 and actually felt like his old self for one day on 9 August. That evening, like a switch in his brain all his emotion left him.  From this point on he has suffered badly from brain zaps, muscle spasms/tremors, paraesthesia, headaches (like ants crawling in his head), genital numbness and emotional blunting, vision affected/light sensitivity, fatigue and depersonalisation/derealization, vivid dreams, cognitive memory issues and unable to regulate his temperature, also insomnia. He has suffered throughout, and we are now 3 months down the line.

 

He was given diazepam for his agitation for a week taking 2x 2mg per day which he then stopped on 16 September. On 20 September the NHS psychiatrist prescribed 5mg to be taken 3 times daily (15mg per day) to see if it would help the DPDR which they said had been caused by anxiety (even though my son was saying he felt no anxiety) and help him sleep. On that day he had begun to feel some improvements prior to taking the diazepam but they insisted. He took 15mg for first 11 days, then 12.5mg for 4 days, then reduced to 10mg for 2 days and then 7.5 mg for a week, then down to 5mg for 4 days, 3.75mg for 2/3 days and is now on 2.5mg per day. No real advice was given re tapering.

During this time, whilst being on the diazepam his anxiety started and he started to suffer from depression (a big void, dark hole) especially when he reduced the doses. He is so desperate to get off the diazepam as he does not want more withdrawal symptoms. He feels his nervous system is so sensitive, the diazepam has made things worse, as each day he has felt everything ebbing away emotionally and now feels completely numb, apathetic and beating himself for taking the diazepam in the first place. He did mention this but all they say is it I his anxiety. His DPDR/Disassociation is also still there but has slightly lifted but he can't get out of it fully.

 

He is desperate for someone to provide guidance around the tapering of diazepam and be drug free as the psychiatrist just says the diazepam won’t do harm, as it is just a relaxant and 4/5 weeks is a short time and the dose is low.

No one seems to be listening to him, which I believe is a common theme around suffers of Protracted withdrawals from Antidepressants and I am reaching out for support through this challenging and very difficult time.

 

He also is taking the following supplements:  Magnesium, vitamin B Complex, Omega 3 fish oil and has just stopped 5ht which he is not sure about.

 

We have seen a private psychiatrist, and 2 NHS psychiatrists, all of which tell him to take another antidepressant (even this varies to which one they offer). Because of the severity of his withdrawals, he is now under the NHS secondary care mental health team, however, everything he is going through are symptoms he has never experienced previously, apart from maybe some slight anxiety.

Some of the physical symptoms have elevated but let him with paraesthesia, muscle twitches, complete emotional/genital numbness (can’t feel good or bad) and complete apathy.

 

My son wishes to be med free and is concerned the diazepam has made him worse. Does anyone know how he should now taper off the diazepam safely and suggestions or have information how we get through the sertraline withdrawals.

Thank you for any support and guidance you can provide.

 

Marie

 

Edited October 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
Added an additional sentence

[ChessieCat]

10 hours ago, Marie1234 said:

He is not in a position to do this himself and will of course post when he can.

 

Hello and welcome to SA,

 

It is nice to hear that you want to help your son and have done research on their behalf.  And I am really glad that you have found SA.

 

It very difficult for SA to work through a third party because the staff may need the member to answer questions and post about their symptoms which is more accurate and timely when done by the person experiencing the withdrawal.  We have many members of SA who have joined and been struggling badly but they do manage to do this with the assistance of staff, who are unpaid peers so have understanding of the withdrawal and how difficult it can be. 

 

Here are some reasons why it is better for the primary person to join and post themselves, and not work through an intermediary:

 

We have found that members who get involved directly with their drug tapering can feel more empowered because they feel that they have more control over what is happening to them.  And when they achieve small goals along the way it is very encouraging because they have achieved it by themselves.  And it can give them more strength and determination to get through the more difficult challenges that they face during their journey to get off their drug/s.

 

They can also get support from other members who understand what they are going through instead of feeling isolated.

 

When he joins, please have him post in this topic (and we will then change the name to his) and also create his drug signature by following these instructions (this is different to the information provided when joining):

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

We look forward to your son joining so that he can get the information and support that is available here at SA.

 

 

[Kyle1234]

Hi

So glad to have found this site and hope someone can help and provide support and guidance I am desperately looking for since coming off sertraline and now been given diazepam.

 

I have been taking sertraline on and off for the past 7 years, dates of doses are to the best of my knowledge and memory.

 

I was put on sertraline following a panic attack in 2015 and given a prescription, not being made aware of how these should be taken, the side effects and also was not monitored.

 

I feel I have done permanent damage, by taking doses erratically for a period of time, not being monitored and finally coming off 50mg C/T (multiple withdrawals) .

 

This year I tapered down slowly from 100mg, over an 8-month period and finished off on 25mg every 3 days before finally stopping. During the following 4 weeks I started having obsessive intrusive thoughts. I was due to go to Croatia in July, so contacted the doctor to reinstate hoping it would see me through so I could enjoy the holiday. They advised me to reinstate on 50mg ( a therapeutic dose, not recognising it as withdrawals) not 25mg, which I wanted to do. This made things worse. On  return from holiday, I wanted to get off the sertraline and the doctor advised me it was OK to just stop (no tapering advice was given). Whist on the Sertraline I did suffer from some side effects such as lack of libido, which the doctor insisted would return when I came off the meds.

 

I stopped the sertraline on the 2nd of August 2022 and actually felt like my old self for one day on 9 August. That evening, like a switch in my brain all my emotions left me feeling emotionally numb.  From this point on I have had brain zaps, muscle spasms/tremors, paraesthesia, headaches (like ants crawling in my head), genital numbness and emotional blunting, vision affected/light sensitivity, fatigue and depersonalisation/derealization, vivid dreams, cognitive memory issues and unable to regulate my temperature, also insomnia and it is now 3 months down the line. Things I had never experienced before going on the sertraline.

I was given diazepam for agitation for a week taking 2x 2mg per day which I then stopped on 16 September. On 20 September the psychiatrist prescribed 5mg to be taken 3 times daily (15mg per day) to see if it would help the DPDR, sleep and agitation, which they said had been caused by anxiety (even though I felt no anxiety). On that day I had begun to feel some slight improvements prior to taking the diazepam, but they insisted I took this. I took 15mg daily for first 11 days, then 12.5mg for 4 days, then reduced to 10mg for 2 days and then 7.5 mg for a week, then reduced down to 5mg for 4 days, 3.75mg for 2/3 days and am now on 2.5mg per day (last 4 days). No real advice was given re tapering just to come off it after a week of being on 2.5mg.

 

Whilst being on the diazepam I suffered heightened anxiety and following any bad episode seemed to make me feel even more emotionally numb. I have started to suffer from depression, not felt before (a big void, dark hole) and headaches, especially when I started to reduce the doses. I am so desperate to get off the diazepam as cant face more withdrawal symptoms. I feel my nervous system is so sensitive, the diazepam has made things worse, as each day I feel everything ebbing away.  I am beating myself up for taking the diazepam in the first place, causing me heightened stress that I can’t control because of not being able to feel anything emotionally and persistent underlying anxiety.

 

I am now completely emotionally numb (can’t feel happy or sad) just depression and the sertraline withdrawal symptoms still remain (apathy, DPDR/dissociated, memory issues, temperature regulation, fatigue, paraesthesia, headaches, PSSD).

I am asking for guidance around the tapering of diazepam and if this would have caused even more damage as I believe the only answer is to be drug free. The psychiatrist tells me diazepam won’t do harm, it is just a relaxant and 5 weeks is a short time on a low dose, when I feel already it has done more harm.

 

No one seems to be listening, which I believe is a common theme around suffers of Protracted withdrawals from Antidepressants and I am reaching out for support through this challenging and very difficult time.

 

I was taking the following supplements:  Magnesium, vitamin B Complex, Omega 3 fish oil and have just stopped taking anything for the time being.

I have seen a private psychiatrist, and 2 NHS psychiatrists, all of which tell me to take another antidepressant (even this varies to which one they offer) and do CBT.

 

Should I just come off the diazepam or continue to taper (as feel it has had a further impact on my nervous system) and supplements?  Any guidance and support, regarding getting off the diazepam and dealing with the sertraline withdrawals to get through this please, as I am really not hopeful of making any recovery as things just seem to be getting worse and are not improving..

Thank you.

[Marie1234]

Hi

 

We have set up an account for my son (Kyle1234) and he has now posted the thread. I do hope this has been done correctly as new to all this.

He is desperate for advice and support, so I do so hope you will be able to get back to him.

 

Many thanks

[Shep]

Hi, @Kyle1234 Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. 

 

Quote

June 2022 reinstated Sertraline 50mg

2 August 2022 Came off C/T (advised it would be OK)

9-16 September 2022 Diazepam 4mg daily for one week

20 September 2022 15mg for first 11 days, then 12.5mg for 4 days, then reduced to 10mg for 2 days and then 7.5 mg for a week, then to 5mg for 4 days, 3.75mg for 2/3 days and 2.5mg per day last 4 days

 

 

Please stop tapering. It's likely you're dealing with kindling from all of the changes and continuing on with tapering may make that worse. Please see:

 

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

I would updose the diazepam to where you were two weeks ago. Please let us know what dose that would be. You may be able to updose a bit more, but I would start out at the dose you were at around October 14, which is two weeks ago. 

 

The reason I picked that time period is because benzodiazepines, such as diazepam, have a short window of reinstatement and updosing of about 2 - 4 weeks. So reinstating where you were at two weeks ago is safe to do. 

 

Because diazepam has a half-life of up to 200 hours (8 days), you may not feel some of the withdrawal effects of your current reductions until days or weeks later. Updosing will help mitigate the damage. 

 

Please post your thoughts. 

[Kyle1234]

20 hours ago, Shep said:

Hi, @Kyle1234 Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. 

 

 

Please stop tapering. It's likely you're dealing with kindling from all of the changes and continuing on with tapering may make that worse. Please see:

 

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

I would updose the diazepam to where you were two weeks ago. Please let us know what dose that would be. You may be able to updose a bit more, but I would start out at the dose you were at around October 14, which is two weeks ago. 

 

The reason I picked that time period is because benzodiazepines, such as diazepam, have a short window of reinstatement and updosing of about 2 - 4 weeks. So reinstating where you were at two weeks ago is safe to do. 

 

Because diazepam has a half-life of up to 200 hours (8 days), you may not feel some of the withdrawal effects of your current reductions until days or weeks later. Updosing will help mitigate the damage. 

 

Please post your thoughts. 

Hi Shep

 

Thanks for your response. Unfortunately, having not seen your response I decided to stop the diazepam and have been off for a week now (I spoke to a drug project who acknowledge SSRI withdrawal and they said to get off it before I build a dependence on it as it’s still a relatively short time). The severe anxiety has been replaced with complete emotional anaesthesia and return of PSSD which did recover a day before starting the diazepam😔. The anxiety did get worse and I did get brain zaps after completely stopping although it now feels as though my brain has completely frozen over (each time I got bad bouts of anxiety it felt like I lost more emotion/became more apathetic - like it was shutting off parts of my brain to protect itself). The OCD thoughts have stopped, I’m apathetic to the whole situation and can’t feel anything (positive or negative)

 

I do not want to touch any more drugs after what they have done to me but fear the damage has already been done. I felt like myself before I went on the diazepam and scared I have messed up my recovery because of how I feel now.

 

Will my feelings, memory, PSSD recover if I just give it enough time? I have been off sertraline now for 3.5 months and I am so scared I have effected my recovery to the point I will never fully recover/will recover but not back to who I want to be.

 

Thank you

[Shep]

2 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

Unfortunately, having not seen your response I decided to stop the diazepam and have been off for a week now (I spoke to a drug project who acknowledge SSRI withdrawal and they said to get off it before I build a dependence on it as it’s still a relatively short time).

 

You can develop a dependency on a benzo in as little several days to several weeks, so it's possible you did become dependent on it. Here's the latest FDA update:

 

FDA requiring Boxed Warning updated to improve safe use of benzodiazepine drug class

 

Due to diazepam's long half life, it does self-taper, so it may not be as bad as other benzos.  However, we don't encourage people to come off that way. If you feel it would help, you could still reinstate where you were a couple of weeks ago. 

 

2 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

Will my feelings, memory, PSSD recover if I just give it enough time? I have been off sertraline now for 3.5 months and I am so scared I have effected my recovery to the point I will never fully recover/will recover but not back to who I want to be.

 

 

Yes, there's no reason to think you won't recover. But the goal is for a faster recovery, so I would encourage you to try a reinstatement of at least one of these drugs. 

 

You're also in a safe window to reinstate the sertraline. Here is information on that:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

You had a previous reinstatement of sertraline in June at 50 mg, which you reported made things worse. However, that likely was too high a dose to reinstate. 

 

At 3.5 months off a 50 mg dose, a safe reinstatement amount would be .5 mg to 1 mg. A tiny, tiny amount to take the edge off - you can always increase. (The "Tips for tapering off sertraline" thread I just linked will show you how to get to those low doses). 

 

Even though I've provided you with information on reinstating both drugs, if you do decide to reinstate, please only do one at a time. Please see:

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

 

Since you've been on sertraline much longer than diazepam and you know you became dependent on sertraline, you may want to try taking a tiny bit of that drug and see if it helps. 3.5 months off is still a safe window to reinstate a tiny amount of the sertraline. 

 

Please post your thoughts. 

 

 

[Shep]

@Kyle1234I'm going to leave you a couple more links. These go into more about what withdrawal is. 

 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery  video (4 minutes)

 

And one final link. This is a good one: 

 

Success Stories

[Kyle1234]

19 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

You can develop a dependency on a benzo in as little several days to several weeks, so it's possible you did become dependent on it. Here's the latest FDA update:

 

FDA requiring Boxed Warning updated to improve safe use of benzodiazepine drug class

 

Due to diazepam's long half life, it does self-taper, so it may not be as bad as other benzos.  However, we don't encourage people to come off that way. If you feel it would help, you could still reinstate where you were a couple of weeks ago. 

 

 

Yes, there's no reason to think you won't recover. But the goal is for a faster recovery, so I would encourage you to try a reinstatement of at least one of these drugs. 

 

You're also in a safe window to reinstate the sertraline. Here is information on that:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

You had a previous reinstatement of sertraline in June at 50 mg, which you reported made things worse. However, that likely was too high a dose to reinstate. 

 

At 3.5 months off a 50 mg dose, a safe reinstatement amount would be .5 mg to 1 mg. A tiny, tiny amount to take the edge off - you can always increase. (The "Tips for tapering off sertraline" thread I just linked will show you how to get to those low doses). 

 

Even though I've provided you with information on reinstating both drugs, if you do decide to reinstate, please only do one at a time. Please see:

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

 

Since you've been on sertraline much longer than diazepam and you know you became dependent on sertraline, you may want to try taking a tiny bit of that drug and see if it helps. 3.5 months off is still a safe window to reinstate a tiny amount of the sertraline. 

 

Please post your thoughts. 

 

 

 

Thanks Shep - few thoughts below:

 

I’ve just started getting severe anxiety/full body shakes this evening along with the bad headaches which I’m assuming is to do with the diazepam withdrawal. I’m scared about going back on anything because I just want to be drug free and let my body recover. Given I was already on a relatively low dose (2.5mg) for a week before stopping do you think I should be okay to ride it out? Or am I at genuine risk of serious adverse effects?

In the UK we can’t get liquid sertraline and the smallest tablet is 12.5mg which is why we’ve ruled out reinstating that as a possibility. Therefore if I were to reinstate it would have to be the diazepam but I don’t want to build further dependence.

 

Best

 

Kyle

 

[Shep]

2 minutes ago, Kyle1234 said:

I’ve just started getting severe anxiety/full body shakes this evening along with the bad headaches which I’m assuming is to do with the diazepam withdrawal.

 

I would take a small dose, perhaps just 2 - 3 mg of diazepam. If you feel better, it likely is diazepam withdrawal. 

 

3 minutes ago, Kyle1234 said:

I’m scared about going back on anything because I just want to be drug free and let my body recover.

 

Do you want to be drug free or symptoms free? There's no guarantee that you'll be 100% with a reinstatement, but it's the best way we know to help people get some stability after a too-fast taper.

 

I understand wanting to get these drugs out of your system, but going cold turkey off a psychiatric drug is like jumping out the third floor window. Tapering is like going down the stairs. The goal is to get through this with as little injury as possible. 

 

5 minutes ago, Kyle1234 said:

In the UK we can’t get liquid sertraline and the smallest tablet is 12.5mg which is why we’ve ruled out reinstating that as a possibility.

 

Please read the first post in this thread. 

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

From that first post, note these methods of tapering:

 

On 11/13/2011 at 7:18 PM, Altostrata said:

Make your own liquid
Many people make their own Zoloft liquid out of tablets and water. See How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

On 11/13/2011 at 7:18 PM, Altostrata said:

Precisely weighing tablet pieces or crushed tablets with an electronic digital scale
You may wish to precisely measure your dosage with an electronic scale that measures milligrams. These are available for under $30 US. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1596-using-a-digital-scale-to-measure-doses/

 

Let us know if you have any questions about making your own liquid or using a scale. The Gemini-20 scale is very popular and you can find it on Amazon, eBay, and other online places. 

 

 

 

 

[Kyle1234]

23 hours ago, Shep said:

 

I would take a small dose, perhaps just 2 - 3 mg of diazepam. If you feel better, it likely is diazepam withdrawal. 

 

 

Do you want to be drug free or symptoms free? There's no guarantee that you'll be 100% with a reinstatement, but it's the best way we know to help people get some stability after a too-fast taper.

 

I understand wanting to get these drugs out of your system, but going cold turkey off a psychiatric drug is like jumping out the third floor window. Tapering is like going down the stairs. The goal is to get through this with as little injury as possible. 

 

 

Please read the first post in this thread. 

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

From that first post, note these methods of tapering:

 

 

 

Let us know if you have any questions about making your own liquid or using a scale. The Gemini-20 scale is very popular and you can find it on Amazon, eBay, and other online places. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi @Shep thank you for your last reply.

 

A couple of urgent questions below:

 

If I reinstate diazepam should I start off with 1mg before up-dosing to 2.5mg to see if there is any adverse reaction? How long should I stay there before attempting to taper? What taper would be advisable for someone in my situation?

 

I am scared about going back on a benzo but would appreciate any advice about what to do as today has been horrific and not sure how much more I can cope. Is it a possibility this has exacerbated the SSRI recovery too or is this independent? I noticed return of PSSD along with anhedonia plus what feels like brain damage (did have DP/DR before but now can’t really explain it just feels wrong and I’m trapped but this is my normal state?) and other symptoms, e.g. body tremor, bouts of anxiety that are followed by what feels like brain freezing over, headaches/pressure/weird sensations, sensitivity to external stimulus etc.

 

Would really appreciate anyone getting back to me on this.

 

Thanks!

[Shep]

3 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

If I reinstate diazepam should I start off with 1mg before up-dosing to 2.5mg to see if there is any adverse reaction? How long should I stay there before attempting to taper? What taper would be advisable for someone in my situation?

 

 

One step at a time. Let's see how you do with a test dose before jumping into the taper discussion. 

 

Yes, you could start off with just 1 mg to test the waters. See this page for more:

 

Benzo Reinstatements

 

3 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

I am scared about going back on a benzo but would appreciate any advice about what to do as today has been horrific and not sure how much more I can cope. Is it a possibility this has exacerbated the SSRI recovery too or is this independent? I noticed return of PSSD along with anhedonia plus what feels like brain damage (did have DP/DR before but now can’t really explain it just feels wrong and I’m trapped but this is my normal state?) and other symptoms, e.g. body tremor, bouts of anxiety that are followed by what feels like brain freezing over, headaches/pressure/weird sensations, sensitivity to external stimulus etc.

 

Hopefully reinstating the diazepam will tone down your symptoms, which are likely caused by withdrawal from both drugs but did seem to get worse upon stopping the diazepam, as you noted here:

 

On 10/31/2022 at 5:27 PM, Kyle1234 said:

I’ve just started getting severe anxiety/full body shakes this evening along with the bad headaches which I’m assuming is to do with the diazepam withdrawal.

 

Please let us know how you do with a reinstatement. 

[Kyle1234]

Hi @Shep

 

Now off diazepam for 15/16 days and sertraline 3.5 months and things seen to be getting worse each day and no windows. The withdrawals have intensified especially with the depression/total emotional numbness which keeps getting worse after any stress and which is  agony. Confused what is related to sertraline or diazepam now.

 

As I said before too scared to reinstate, so have held off but now thinking I may have to and wondering if it should be the sertraline I reinstate at a very low dose?

 

If I did, I would only do either 0.5mg or 1mg to start off with but really need advice on how I make the liquid to achieve this, as I am in state to read all the information and my mum does not fully understand what she would need to do.  I think we have some 25mg and some 50mg tablets still at home (film coated UK). Could you suggest how we go about this keeping it as simple as possible so if we need to use we can. I would really appreciate your thoughts on this option as I am not sure how much more I can cope with as I see no end to it all, no improvements, just things getting worse.

Have I left this too long now to reinstate?

 

Sorry if I have repeated myself and thank you.

 

Kyle

 

 

 

[Shep]

@Kyle1234 I'm going to leave you some information to read over regarding how to do a liquid taper for the Sertraline. If you could get prescription liquid, that would be easiest, but it's still possible to make a liquid yourself. 

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Tips for tapering Zoloft (sertraline)

 

1 hour ago, Kyle1234 said:

Now off diazepam for 15/16 days and sertraline 3.5 months and things seen to be getting worse each day and no windows.

 

I suggested reinstating a bit of the diazepam in my post above. Did you try that? 

 

On 10/31/2022 at 5:27 PM, Kyle1234 said:

I’ve just started getting severe anxiety/full body shakes this evening along with the bad headaches which I’m assuming is to do with the diazepam withdrawal.

 

Are you any better than you were a week ago or is this getting worse? If this is getting worse, I would try reinstating a bit of the diazepam. Even just 0.5 mg to see how you do. 

 

You may want to try that before reinstating the sertraline. 

 

You have the information for both drugs. Please post your thoughts on what you think is best. 

[Kyle1234]

On 11/7/2022 at 11:10 PM, Shep said:

@Kyle1234 I'm going to leave you some information to read over regarding how to do a liquid taper for the Sertraline. If you could get prescription liquid, that would be easiest, but it's still possible to make a liquid yourself. 

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Tips for tapering Zoloft (sertraline)

 

 

I suggested reinstating a bit of the diazepam in my post above. Did you try that? 

 

 

Are you any better than you were a week ago or is this getting worse? If this is getting worse, I would try reinstating a bit of the diazepam. Even just 0.5 mg to see how you do. 

 

You may want to try that before reinstating the sertraline. 

 

You have the information for both drugs. Please post your thoughts on what you think is best. 

@Shep 

 

Thanks for the response. I have yet to reinstate as have been petrified of making a wrong decision but will give a quick update on my situation. I do feel worse than last week, I.e. heightened sensitivities to noise, light and tinitus and feel very numb vs last week which gets worse after stressful episodes. I drank a lucozade yesterday and had an extreme adverse reaction which caused tremor and shakes along with constant surges in my brain and felt like I was going to pass out, leaving me feeling disorientated and confused - I thought I was on the brink of a seizure (not sure what they feel like) and couldn’t sleep without the same feeling and jerking as I relaxed. Woke up with the feeling as if my brain was firing constantly which was extremely distressing however this has calmed but left me feeling severely numb.

 

Given this sensitivity is it still advised to reinstate diazepam at a low dose? I notice that it says if there is risk of seizure reinstatement may not be advisable (my mum may have read that wrong).

 

Should I be worried about the risk of seizure given my situation? I am extremely paranoid.

 

I am now 2 weeks and 3 days off diazepam FYI.

 

please let me know.

[Shep]

16 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

I drank a lucozade yesterday and had an extreme adverse reaction

 

I looked up the ingredients in that - something to definitely avoid. I would avoid anything with sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and if possible, stay away from processed foods. The cleaner your diet, the better. 

 

16 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

Given this sensitivity is it still advised to reinstate diazepam at a low dose? I notice that it says if there is risk of seizure reinstatement may not be advisable (my mum may have read that wrong).

 

Your mum may have read that wrong. The main caution with benzos is from going cold turkey. Reinstating a tiny amount is not likely to cause a seizure. Going cold turkey, especially off a high dose of a benzo, can cause a seizure. 

 

16 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

Should I be worried about the risk of seizure given my situation? I am extremely paranoid.

 

Do you have a seizure disorder? Is that why you went on a benzo? If not, I wouldn't worry about a seizure. They are very rare and as already mentioned, usually from cold tapers from high doses of benzos. 

 

16 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

I am now 2 weeks and 3 days off diazepam FYI.

 

Benzo reinstatements are safe within 2 - 4 weeks of coming off. 

 

Quote

9-16 September 2022 Diazepam 4mg daily for one week

20 September 2022 15mg for first 11 days, then 12.5mg for 4 days, then reduced to 10mg for 2 days and then 7.5 mg for a week, then to 5mg for 4 days, 3.75mg for 2/3 days and 2.5mg per day last 4 days

 

This is from your signature. Is the line I bolded still about your diazepam reductions? Just checking because you were previous on 4 mg and then it jumps up to 15 mg on the next line. 

 

What dose of diazepam were you on 2 weeks and 3 days ago prior to stopping diazepam? Whatever your stop dose was, you could reinstate by 25% of that and see how you feel. By reinstating at a much lower dose than you stopped, you're less likely to suffer a hyper-reaction to it. 

[Kyle1234]

On 11/10/2022 at 10:12 AM, Shep said:

 

I looked up the ingredients in that - something to definitely avoid. I would avoid anything with sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and if possible, stay away from processed foods. The cleaner your diet, the better. 

 

 

Your mum may have read that wrong. The main caution with benzos is from going cold turkey. Reinstating a tiny amount is not likely to cause a seizure. Going cold turkey, especially off a high dose of a benzo, can cause a seizure. 

 

 

Do you have a seizure disorder? Is that why you went on a benzo? If not, I wouldn't worry about a seizure. They are very rare and as already mentioned, usually from cold tapers from high doses of benzos. 

 

 

Benzo reinstatements are safe within 2 - 4 weeks of coming off. 

 

 

This is from your signature. Is the line I bolded still about your diazepam reductions? Just checking because you were previous on 4 mg and then it jumps up to 15 mg on the next line. 

 

What dose of diazepam were you on 2 weeks and 3 days ago prior to stopping diazepam? Whatever your stop dose was, you could reinstate by 25% of that and see how you feel. By reinstating at a much lower dose than you stopped, you're less likely to suffer a hyper-reaction to it. 

Hi @Shep

 

Sorry for the late reply. I am in desperate need - you are correct the 15mg was diazepam, they upped my dose because of the DPDR they thought was caused by anxiety when there was none. I came off at 2.5mg.

 

I did not reinstate as my GP would not prescribe additional diazepam but I am in absolute horror. After experiencing severe brain zaps, congested head and seizure like feelings everything in my head has completely frozen like a lump of cement. All physical and psychological symptoms have disappeared following intense brain zaps/hyper stimulation just from being on the phone and I am left in this complete numb void whilst also not feeling normal (slight dissociation but it feels like my brain thinks this is normal). I fear I have done irreversible damage and have left it too late.

 

In this instance is it appropriate to go back on diazepam without symptoms? I will try anything. I am willing to go back on and then force them to prescribe me more if this is appropriate. They will not acknowledge withdrawals. I am terrified I have lost everything about me and my life is over😭. 

[Kyle1234]

19 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

Hi @Shep

 

Sorry for the late reply. I am in desperate need - you are correct the 15mg was diazepam, they upped my dose because of the DPDR they thought was caused by anxiety when there was none. I came off at 2.5mg.

 

I did not reinstate as my GP would not prescribe additional diazepam but I am in absolute horror. After experiencing severe brain zaps, congested head and seizure like feelings everything in my head has completely frozen like a lump of cement. All physical and psychological symptoms have disappeared following intense brain zaps/hyper stimulation just from being on the phone and I am left in this complete numb void whilst also not feeling normal (slight dissociation but it feels like my brain thinks this is normal). I fear I have done irreversible damage and have left it too late.

 

In this instance is it appropriate to go back on diazepam without symptoms? I will try anything. I am willing to go back on and then force them to prescribe me more if this is appropriate. They will not acknowledge withdrawals. I am terrified I have lost everything about me and my life is over😭. 

Can anyone help on the above please or just provide support?

 

I am in desperate need of reassurance that I can recover. As said before I was experiencing DPDR before and now this has turned to a feeling of brain damage, I don’t experience life the same way as before, but I don’t consciously recognise what’s wrong? It gets worse each time I am overstimulated but never improves once it gets worse. This is in different to feeling normal and experiencing DPDR. I don’t remember what normal perception feels like I just know it’s not like this and it’s severe. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Is this something people have recovered from?

 

Along with this transition from DPDR to ‘brain damage’ feeling I have lost all emotion except for bouts of chemical anxiety, severe memory issues, constant electric feeling in my head which leads to feeling like my brain stem is blocked? I can induce constant brain zaps by merely crossing my eyes or relaxing my head. I am deteriorating day by day and every minute is torture. I am hyper sensitive to almost everything.

 

If anyone is free to respond even with reassurance or support please do as I am suicidal😭😣.

 

Kyle

 

[Shep]

4 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

If anyone is free to respond even with reassurance or support please do as I am suicidal😭😣.

 

Please note as an online forum we're not able to help with crisis states. If you are feeling this desperate and think you may act on those thoughts, please reach out to someone on the ground for support. Here are some resources:

 

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

 

Have you been able to get a prescription for diazepam for a reinstatement? Do you have any of those pills left? 

 

You may want to check out this thread to see if there are any supportive doctors in your area. Even if they're not close to you, you may want to call to see if they'll do a Skype or Zoom visit (which has become more popular due to the pandemic). 

 

Recommended doctors, therapists, and clinics

 

Here are some resources from the Benzo Information Coalition:

 

Benzo Info - UK

 

Or you could go to a emergency room or urgent care and let them know you reduced too quickly and see if they will prescribe a few pills to tide you over until you can get in with a supportive doctor. 

[Kyle1234]

On 11/12/2022 at 10:59 PM, Shep said:

 

Please note as an online forum we're not able to help with crisis states. If you are feeling this desperate and think you may act on those thoughts, please reach out to someone on the ground for support. Here are some resources:

 

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

 

Have you been able to get a prescription for diazepam for a reinstatement? Do you have any of those pills left? 

 

You may want to check out this thread to see if there are any supportive doctors in your area. Even if they're not close to you, you may want to call to see if they'll do a Skype or Zoom visit (which has become more popular due to the pandemic). 

 

Recommended doctors, therapists, and clinics

 

Here are some resources from the Benzo Information Coalition:

 

Benzo Info - UK

 

Or you could go to a emergency room or urgent care and let them know you reduced too quickly and see if they will prescribe a few pills to tide you over until you can get in with a supportive doctor. 

@Shep

 

Hi Shep, since my last post I haven’t been able to get back to you due to personal circumstances. I have been guilty of putting off reinstatement but feel as though this is something I have to do. As discussed above I had severe brain zaps which turned to constant feelings of my brain being on fire/brain damage which led me to A&E multiple times. After this I noticed my whole brain seize up from bottom to top and all zaps/electrical activity stopped - all physical symptoms stopped almost overnight although now all my emotion has totally gone, complete apathy, derealisation and PSSD worsened including ED which wasn’t there before. This is extremely worrying because I now feel as apathetic as I did on the sertraline but with severe emotional numbness/cognitive impairment/derealisation (just feels like my brain isn’t taking in external stimuli as much) but my brain thinks this is my normal state?

 

I have been in contact with an eminent psychiatrist doing research in this area who advised 2mg reinstatement of sertraline or 1mg reinstatement of diazepam (even after 4 weeks and 4 days off). What are your thoughts on this? I am veering towards sertraline reinstatement due to the prevailing symptoms and wider reinstatement window. I’m sorry for asking follow ups  as you have answered before but could I get your thoughts on this before I commit.

 

Thanks

[Shep]

On 11/23/2022 at 7:23 AM, Kyle1234 said:

I have been in contact with an eminent psychiatrist doing research in this area who advised 2mg reinstatement of sertraline or 1mg reinstatement of diazepam (even after 4 weeks and 4 days off). What are your thoughts on this? I am veering towards sertraline reinstatement due to the prevailing symptoms and wider reinstatement window. I’m sorry for asking follow ups  as you have answered before but could I get your thoughts on this before I commit.

 

Either of these may help, but only one at a time. You may want to start out with 0.5 - 1 mg of the sertraline to test the waters if you decide to reinstate that drug since it's been almost 4 months since you were last on that drug. 

 

You may want to re-read your thread. 

[Kyle1234]

On 11/24/2022 at 5:06 PM, Shep said:

 

Either of these may help, but only one at a time. You may want to start out with 0.5 - 1 mg of the sertraline to test the waters if you decide to reinstate that drug since it's been almost 4 months since you were last on that drug. 

 

You may want to re-read your thread. 

Hi @Shep looking for urgent advice on attempted reinstatement.

 

I’ve been on 0.5mg sertraline for the last week. Since taking it I noticed that every time I took it it would make me more numb after each dose, I feel like a different person. It has impacted my sleep (always feel semi conscious even when dreaming) and I’ve had issues with both visual and auditory processing which seems to have worsened, I.e peripheral vision reduced and sounds don’t register as well. This isn’t a variable symptom it’s like a fixed state like my brain has rewired wrong, it’s something that I experienced on the drugs for 7 years at a less severe degree which I didn’t realise had happened until it suddenly reversed a month into my sertraline withdrawals - I noticed this blockage feeling release in my head and my vision became instantly 3D/I could pick out sounds more distinctly. 

 

Is this an adverse reaction or should I wait longer? If best to stop is it okay to just stop 0.5mg after a week or would I need to taper?

 

Thanks

[Shep]

2 minutes ago, Kyle1234 said:

I’ve been on 0.5mg sertraline for the last week. Since taking it I noticed that every time I took it it would make me more numb after each dose, I feel like a different person.

 

Are any of your symptoms resolving? 

 

If not, you may want to cut the reinstatement dose in half and see how you feel. Adverse reactions can be dose related, so decreasing the dose may help. 

 

Please let us know how you feel tomorrow after taking the decreased dose. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Kyle1234, how are you doing?

[Kyle1234]

On 6/2/2023 at 11:02 PM, Altostrata said:

Hello, @Kyle1234, how are you doing?

Hi @Altostrata

 

Thanks for your message. Things have changed albeit not everything in a positive direction. A lot of the extensive physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms that emerged when stopping have reduced in intensity over time which is very much welcomed, although the issues that I had on the medication, namely the numbed positive emotions, sexual dysfunction and visual/sound processing issues have got worse.

 

When everything was very intense before, I was experiencing episodes of feeling much more like myself emotionally and it reminded me of how intensely I used to feel genuine positive emotions and the sexual side of things were much better but things felt very unstable and I was hyper sensitive to any stimulus. This coincided with what felt as if my brain was taking in so much more sensory input from sights and sounds just like before, rather than feeling as if everything was in the background.

 

As time has progressed my nervous system has slowly calmed but the more ‘stable’ I feel the more I feel like I’m back on the medication if that makes sense? I’ve had crashes from overstimulation when I was much more sensitive and each time I’ve come out of the wave it’s as if my brain has shut more down emotionally and sexually to compensate and then doesn’t go back.

 

I am doing more with myself now that I am not physically in pain. Still not back to work but I now exercise daily (either walk or light jog) although have scaled it back as too much will still put me into a wave which consists mainly of worsening depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, head pressure, visual/sound issues, tinnitus etc.

 

All in all there has been slow progress which I’m glad about but I still can’t help but worry about the emotional and PSSD symptoms.

 

I understand that you won’t have any physiological understanding of what’s happening as I heal but is this something that you’ve seen before? I’ve looked at recovery stories and I’ve seen information on windows and waves and although I have had both, the trend for these specific issues has been away from my pre-med normal back to a more medicated state.

 

Thanks very much for your message and hope all is well your end 🙂

 

Kyle

[Altostrata]

Yours is a good description of slow recovery in protracted withdrawal syndrome.

 

22 hours ago, Kyle1234 said:

A lot of the extensive physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms that emerged when stopping have reduced in intensity over time which is very much welcomed

 

While not complete improvement, this is some improvement, and a good sign. Please take care of yourself and allow your body to slowly rebuild.

[Kyle1234]

Coming up to one year off, not really too sure the point of this update is but I guess it’s just for my own sanity. 

First for the positives… Symptoms which have gone or reduced:

 

1) DP/DR mostly gone

2) feeling as if my brain was being electrocuted 24/7 and pupils rapidly dilating & contracting which sent my to A&E multiple times mostly gone, now just a slight acidic sensation in my head. 

3) extreme hypersensitivity to stimulation, light, sound etc is much less but still there, although still exercise intolerant. Not sure about food sensitivities as haven’t dared to try anything artificial since last reaction

4) Insomnia is better although still struggle to sleep and feel tired. Still unable to nap as I will be jerked awake and will make me feel horrendous

5) Extreme obsessive and looping thoughts have calmed down 

6) whole body tension, gait instability, disorientation and shaky vision from Valium withdrawal has gone away

7) proctalgia fugax I think they call it? Haven’t had that for a couple of months but was never prominent

Now for the not so positive… current symptoms:

 

1) severe anhedonia / numbness and depression (this seems to progress day by day, week by week, month by month) - my brain doesn’t react to anything, all of my senses are dulled. The depression is brutal and only alleviates just before bed to more of a general numbness. The pre med emotion that I felt resurface when things were very intense slowly disappeared over the course of the year and has now gone which is confusing and worrying. The more stable I feel the worse this gets? I know this isn’t a mental health issue as I’ve never suffered from depression but each time I’ve gone into a wave I come out of it being able to feel less and my senses get more dulled.
2) PSSD - this can’t be any worse now and has gradually declined over the last year too, complete asexuality and no function. Numbness, ED, soft glands, anorgasmia, which worsened from reinstatement attempt in December still there.

3) gastro issues appeared a couple months ago, bloated most of the time with stomach pain and either constipated or have diarrhoea. Find it difficult to pass urine, flow is much weaker and can’t feel it from the numbness

4) parasthesia in legs has reduced significantly as I can now walk but still noticeable

5) muscle spasms/twitches have got worse recently and I jerk quite a lot when resting

6) head pressure pretty much 24/7 still quite bad

7) fatigue since reinstatement can be quite bad on some days but not every day. When really bad it’s like you can’t keep your eyes open but if I give into it and try and fall asleep it makes me feel horrendous

7) tinnitus 24/7 has got worse recently

😎 very dry skin and eyes

9) eye floaters since Valium still there although less noticeable

10) static grainy vision

11) have moments where it feels like my brain is taking a screenshot of what I’m seeing

12) weird clicking in my ear every now and then

13) breaking down every day without fail about how miserable existing like this is.

There were a lot of other things that I’m probably missing out I’m sure but that’s the general overview I guess.

 

I go for short walks but that’s pretty much all I do every day. A couple of months ago I started some exercise but that really hit me and haven’t felt this same since. I am feeling pretty hopeless as changes are painstakingly slow and particularly re the mental symptoms appear to be going in the wrong direction. 

I am trying to resign myself to the fact that this is going to take a lot longer than I originally thought given my history and kindling.
 

It’s now so obvious that what I was actually dealing with this whole time was adverse reactions to the drug, subsequent withdrawal and repeated kindling. I reacted so badly to reinstatements at full doses because I was in withdrawal that I thought I was going crazy, which traumatised me to the point I was too scared to try and come off. So I accepted feeling awful on the medication because I was gaslit into believing it was helping me. By the time I went through my second withdrawal in 2020 which consisted of unrelenting torturous thoughts for over a year whilst back on the medication I knew it was the drugs that were causing all of this because of how severe everything got.

 

It’s so difficult to accept given this medication has already robbed me of my whole 20s. It’s now also taken my job and my fitness which were the only two things I really maintained on the poison.

 

Anyway, I’ll stop the ranting. Just needed somewhere to vent my frustrations. I just hope that even if it takes years I will get back to how I was pre med because I used to be so happy all of the time. It just seems so unattainable at this point.

I’ll keep going though.

 

[RachelSusan]

@Kyle1234 Hi Kyle.  I have been following you since Nov of 2022 however I don't remember if I ever introduced myself to you. I originally started following you because I had been on Sertraline and was interested to see how others on the same medication were doing. I feel bad that you are suffering so. I am sadly familiar with most of your symptoms and know the agony. Eventually my symptoms went away and I did get off.  It was a true success story. It took me six years to get off, however before I alarm you with that amount of time please let me reassure you it wasn't all bad. After the first few years every thing did settle down and the taper went smoothly with no or low symptoms present the last couple of years.

 

I then started tapering a second medication and I have been having symptoms since then.  Which is why I want to thank you for your post. Because I had been symptomatic from the second medication for eight months I was starting to think I was the only one who had symptoms for so long. Even though I know that thought is not true because I know others on this site who have been suffering that long or even longer, I needed to hear it again. So thank you for posting, along with the symptoms. I can relate even though we are currently dealing with two different medications. And yes, you are correct it is a pretty miserable existence. I sometimes have a hard time believing that this suffering will ever come to an end and I will feel normal again but then I find myself hoping and believing again. Hope is a strange thing and if we can find even a glimmer of it then it will get us through the day. If you can't find your hope then let me hope for both of us. I do believe that we both will recover. Naturally it won't be soon enough but I do believe we will.

 

 

[Kyle1234]

1 hour ago, RachelSusan said:

@Kyle1234 Hi Kyle.  I have been following you since Nov of 2022 however I don't remember if I ever introduced myself to you. I originally started following you because I had been on Sertraline and was interested to see how others on the same medication were doing. I feel bad that you are suffering so. I am sadly familiar with most of your symptoms and know the agony. Eventually my symptoms went away and I did get off.  It was a true success story. It took me six years to get off, however before I alarm you with that amount of time please let me reassure you it wasn't all bad. After the first few years every thing did settle down and the taper went smoothly with no or low symptoms present the last couple of years.

 

I then started tapering a second medication and I have been having symptoms since then.  Which is why I want to thank you for your post. Because I had been symptomatic from the second medication for eight months I was starting to think I was the only one who had symptoms for so long. Even though I know that thought is not true because I know others on this site who have been suffering that long or even longer, I needed to hear it again. So thank you for posting, along with the symptoms. I can relate even though we are currently dealing with two different medications. And yes, you are correct it is a pretty miserable existence. I sometimes have a hard time believing that this suffering will ever come to an end and I will feel normal again but then I find myself hoping and believing again. Hope is a strange thing and if we can find even a glimmer of it then it will get us through the day. If you can't find your hope then let me hope for both of us. I do believe that we both will recover. Naturally it won't be soon enough but I do believe we will.

 

 

Hi Rachel

 

Thank you for your kind words, it is really appreciated. It’s difficult to find people who understand as I don’t think it’s something many people will get unless it happens to them. I hope you’re doing as well as you can do given the circumstances.

 

I’m glad to hear that you managed to get off sertraline eventually. I’m not in the process of tapering as I tried a very small reinstatement in December but as I’ve been kindled so many times prior I stopped after a week because of some of the additional side effects. I don’t know if that means my recovery will be slower but I’m at the point where I’d rather just stick it out now because I’ve already suffered so much and don’t want to risk getting worse.

 

Yes I do believe that the medication can effect you for that long unfortunately. I remember only taking the sertraline for 5 weeks at the beginning before I stopped because it didn’t help but there wasn’t really any ‘negative’ effects. The next 8 months I dealt with heightened anxiety that was nothing like what I went on them for and when I went back on them they made me go insane, it was terrifying. I didn’t stabilise for many months after but I was so scared about what had happened I didn’t think about stopping it because I was unaware of withdrawal/kindling. After all, these medications are safe and effective right! So back then I was in some form of withdrawal for 8 months after just 5 weeks of use which is crazy.

 

How are you coping at the moment? Hopefully it won’t be long before things improve for us both even though it always feels like it never will.

[RachelSusan]

@Kyle1234 Coping is hard.  I have mostly physical symptoms at the moment and they are painful.  Sadly they are so acute that I can't go about my day and do normal things.  I have to keep canceling all my normal activities and since this has been going on for months people are starting to get tired of me and wonder why I am so irresponsible.  I have told them the truth and that almost makes it worse. No on understands how bad withdrawal can be and can't understand why it is going on for months and months. There is a word her in the U.S. that I don't know if it translate the same in the U.K. but it is flaky or flakey. Spelled both ways.  It means irresponsible or someone who has problems managing their time. I am starting to be thought of as very flaky or one big flake.  I am not too happy about the title but there isn't much I can do about it right now.

 

I reread your signature and I can see now that you are totally off the Sertraline. I knew from reading your posts that this had been going on for quite a while for you and It's clear from reading your symptoms that you have been in h*ll.  You can't do much for wait it out.  I hope your symptoms start to lift soon.

 

[Altostrata]

Very good to see you've seen improvement.

 

What is your most prominent withdrawal symptom now?

[Kyle1234]

@RachelSusan yes I know what you mean, to be honest I’ve cut out all social activities and lead a very boring life at the moment. I did try a few months back and all it did was set me back so I’ve figured it’s best for me to just let myself heal and cut out any stressors rather than rush back into anything. I’ve stopped trying to explain the situation to friends too, some understand but others just think I’m not helping myself because this can’t all be from the drugs🤷🏼‍♂️. That’s one of the only things keeping me going too, I want to prove to people that this isn’t just in my head. I know it’s not but if my body can fully heal I can go back to everyone and be like I told you so. Especially the doctors/psychiatrists who kept telling me this didn’t have anything to do with the drugs!

 

Thank you very much for the support though Rachel, it really means a lot. I hope you’re improving day by day too. It isn’t something anybody should have to go through.

 

[Kyle1234]

@Altostrata Thanks Alto, the most prominent symptoms currently are definitely the mental and sexual side of things, I fluctuate between severe depressive episodes and just complete numbness/apathy/anhedonia now which really kicked in this last month or two. The obsessive thoughts which I have for most of the year have actually calmed down a lot recently but it’s almost swung the other way from hyper to hypo-arousal where I now have no energy to even leave my bed.

 

Most of the physical symptoms I have a bit more acceptance over as they’re not as impactful day to day although I’d probably still go to the doctor about all of them if I wasn’t in withdrawal lol. The most prominent physical issues right now are the head pressure & burning, tinnitus and muscle spasms/twitches. 

[Altostrata]

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last month?

[Kyle1234]

@Altostrata So the last month or two has probably been the toughest mentally. Over the last month the mental symptoms have changed from feeling quite sensitised with looping thoughts which could get set off with any overstimulation, although emotionally I could feel a small percentage of my pre med positive emotion on days where I felt okay (which has been gradually fading as withdrawal has gone on) to where I now feel extreme anhedonia, numbness, completely void of anything but with bouts of depression. PSSD has worsened along with this as it has for much of the withdrawal. Gastro issues only recently started this last month but fluctuate day to day. Head pressure and tinnitus recently ramped up along with the depression and are always there but vary in intensity. Obsessive thoughts are much reduced but replaced with this complete lack of energy, motivation and apathy. Muscle twitches have recently got worse but fluctuate day to day. My insomnia is better though, I feel my sleep has improved as I’ve transitioned into this less activated state.

 

The part I struggle to fully grasp as mentioned above is why mentally and emotionally I feel less like myself as time passes - when things were very intense old emotions resurfaced but over the course of the year as things have progressed I kept losing a certain % of those after each wave until my last big wave which I think was triggered by exercise, and now that’s all gone. Intuitively it just doesn’t make sense and it really worries me, or it would if I could feel worry if that makes sense.

 

I still do feel slightly different each day and I never have a day which is the exact same so things are definitely still changing. I think the main hurdle for me to overcome is the thought that my brain is recovering to something which isn’t what I was like before and I’ll get left in this anhedonic state which it feels like it always wants to go back to. I guess that’s a withdrawal symptom in of itself but difficult to shift.

[Mezzer]

On 7/11/2023 at 11:50 AM, Kyle1234 said:

Coming up to one year off, not really too sure the point of this update is but I guess it’s just for my own sanity. 

First for the positives… Symptoms which have gone or reduced:

 

1) DP/DR mostly gone

2) feeling as if my brain was being electrocuted 24/7 and pupils rapidly dilating & contracting which sent my to A&E multiple times mostly gone, now just a slight acidic sensation in my head. 

3) extreme hypersensitivity to stimulation, light, sound etc is much less but still there, although still exercise intolerant. Not sure about food sensitivities as haven’t dared to try anything artificial since last reaction

4) Insomnia is better although still struggle to sleep and feel tired. Still unable to nap as I will be jerked awake and will make me feel horrendous

5) Extreme obsessive and looping thoughts have calmed down 

6) whole body tension, gait instability, disorientation and shaky vision from Valium withdrawal has gone away

7) proctalgia fugax I think they call it? Haven’t had that for a couple of months but was never prominent

Now for the not so positive… current symptoms:

 

1) severe anhedonia / numbness and depression (this seems to progress day by day, week by week, month by month) - my brain doesn’t react to anything, all of my senses are dulled. The depression is brutal and only alleviates just before bed to more of a general numbness. The pre med emotion that I felt resurface when things were very intense slowly disappeared over the course of the year and has now gone which is confusing and worrying. The more stable I feel the worse this gets? I know this isn’t a mental health issue as I’ve never suffered from depression but each time I’ve gone into a wave I come out of it being able to feel less and my senses get more dulled.
2) PSSD - this can’t be any worse now and has gradually declined over the last year too, complete asexuality and no function. Numbness, ED, soft glands, anorgasmia, which worsened from reinstatement attempt in December still there.

3) gastro issues appeared a couple months ago, bloated most of the time with stomach pain and either constipated or have diarrhoea. Find it difficult to pass urine, flow is much weaker and can’t feel it from the numbness

4) parasthesia in legs has reduced significantly as I can now walk but still noticeable

5) muscle spasms/twitches have got worse recently and I jerk quite a lot when resting

6) head pressure pretty much 24/7 still quite bad

7) fatigue since reinstatement can be quite bad on some days but not every day. When really bad it’s like you can’t keep your eyes open but if I give into it and try and fall asleep it makes me feel horrendous

7) tinnitus 24/7 has got worse recently

😎 very dry skin and eyes

9) eye floaters since Valium still there although less noticeable

10) static grainy vision

11) have moments where it feels like my brain is taking a screenshot of what I’m seeing

12) weird clicking in my ear every now and then

13) breaking down every day without fail about how miserable existing like this is.

There were a lot of other things that I’m probably missing out I’m sure but that’s the general overview I guess.

 

I go for short walks but that’s pretty much all I do every day. A couple of months ago I started some exercise but that really hit me and haven’t felt this same since. I am feeling pretty hopeless as changes are painstakingly slow and particularly re the mental symptoms appear to be going in the wrong direction. 

I am trying to resign myself to the fact that this is going to take a lot longer than I originally thought given my history and kindling.
 

It’s now so obvious that what I was actually dealing with this whole time was adverse reactions to the drug, subsequent withdrawal and repeated kindling. I reacted so badly to reinstatements at full doses because I was in withdrawal that I thought I was going crazy, which traumatised me to the point I was too scared to try and come off. So I accepted feeling awful on the medication because I was gaslit into believing it was helping me. By the time I went through my second withdrawal in 2020 which consisted of unrelenting torturous thoughts for over a year whilst back on the medication I knew it was the drugs that were causing all of this because of how severe everything got.

 

It’s so difficult to accept given this medication has already robbed me of my whole 20s. It’s now also taken my job and my fitness which were the only two things I really maintained on the poison.

 

Anyway, I’ll stop the ranting. Just needed somewhere to vent my frustrations. I just hope that even if it takes years I will get back to how I was pre med because I used to be so happy all of the time. It just seems so unattainable at this point.

I’ll keep going though.

 

@Kyle1234 hi I’m suffering the nasty depression as well Kyle and seem to get a reprieve at bedtime as well. I’m still tapering Prozac at 5.45mgs. This is so brutal at this time. People say it will get better. I’m praying for us