mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[Rosetta]

HI Mirage.  You should have this on your thread so that you can look back at it later:

 

Mirage's post to Rosetta July 8, 2018:

 

I am for sure having more, long waves and short windows here and there. You are so right when you say you don't notice the windows until after they happen. I never recognize them as windows because I still always have some symptoms. It is when another wave comes that I think, "oh, I had a window". Also, they are very short lived. Maybe just an hour or two here and there. 

 

My worst symptoms are, head and jaw tension/pain, dizziness and anxiety. 

 

I can push through most days. A few month ago, no way. In fact, a few months ago I would not commit to anything. I would tell people I had to play everything day to day and there were many times I had to cancel doing things at the last minute. Now, I can stay committed and plug along. 

 

I agree with what you are saying about pms and hormones. I completed menopause last year. I know that based on blood work that was taken 2 years ago and then again in March of 2017. I could see I was menopausal in 2015 but was still making estrogen. In my March 2017 labs, my numbers for estrogen, progesterone and testosterone were all tanked. Thus, the completion of being a young lady. lol. That is why I stopped my med cold turkey. I was put on it by my obgyn for pms and since I no longer had any, I thought I no longer need the med. She never told me I needed to wean off. I don't blame her. I think the advice she gave me  was based on the knowledge she had. I also think most people don't get this extreme withdrawal. It is the lucky, smaller percent of us that do. I found out, a few months ago, through some genetic testing one of drs did, that I am a very slow metabolizer of these meds. That said, I wonder if there is any connection with that, to those of us who suffer so, compared to others who can successfully come off of them with no problems? 

 

Going back to hormones, I am getting bio-identical hormone replacement through pellets. I have a gyn here that specializes in menopause and she is remarkable! I get them every 3 and a half months and I do think they are helping me with this recovery. At least I am staying balanced with that. 

 

I agree with you on staying hydrated and eating protein. I too, am doing both. I was not a big protein eater prior to this journey. Mostly ate veggies and salads. I never ever ate red meat. Well, that has changed. Each and every day, I do eat the same things. I do a good, healthy protein shake every morning for breakfast, followed by a boiled egg a couple of hours later and for lunch, I do whole, organic, no salt no sugar peanut butter on chia seed bread and a banana and for an afternoon snack, I eat cheese and fresh berries. For dinner, I go with what ever we decide to make or go out and get. I lost a lot of weight during this journey. I was very small to begin with 116lbs. I got down to 104. I could barely sip water. I am back to my normal weight and able to maintain it. Like you, I eat because I know it is important but i'm not there yet on craving anything or loving our long dinners out that we use to have. My family will ask what I feel like eating and there is never anything I particularly want. But, I can eat now. 

 

It is nice that you live by the ocean. How therapeutic. I would love that. I live in a big park so I take my walks there with my dogs. Not quite the same as hearing the beautiful sounds of ocean waves. Speaking of waves, I am have a really rough one right now. Very intense dizziness and jaw/head pressure. It started last Wednesday and other than a few hours on the 4th, it is staying with me. 

[Rosetta]

The anxiety is really tough because it affect every aspect of our lives.  The jaw tension!! It's really bizarre isn't it?  I think you are very generous to feel this was not your doctor's fault, but being upset with her wouldn't help you at all anyway.  I'm pretty angry at the medical profession.  You seem to be doing pretty well at the moment.  I think that if you stabilize before you taper and listen to the advice from the Mods while you taper you will probably have an easier time than most.  Good luck! - Rosetta

[mirage]

@Rosetta thank you for adding that to my thread. You are so great to think of these things. 

 

My neurologist wants me to stabilize before I start the taper from the Wellbutrin 150. I went from a reinstatement of 150, in July of 2017 then increased it to 300 then added Remeron 15 then increased it to 30. None of this worked. In fact, I just got worse. As I know now from this site, my system was already too sensitive from the ct to add this much. I am completely off the Remeron and down to 150 on the Wellbutrin. When I get ready for that taper, I will be utilizing this site for sure. 

 

Hope your day is going well and you are feeling okay. God bless you.

[mirage]

Going through a rough wave. It started a couple of weeks ago. The "fake" anxiety is over the top. The anxiety just ramps up...because. I know my nervous system is upside down right now. It is so confused. The dizziness is ramped up too. 

 

Did not get, my usual, 5 hours of sleep last night. Took 500mcg of melatonin and tossed and turned until around 2am. Ended up taking a half of a 25mg benedryl and, finally, fell asleep but only to be woken by the 4am cortisol wake up. Tossed and turned until around 7/7 30 then gave up and got out of bed. When I don't get any sleep, my symptoms crank up to, full speed ahead! 

 

I am 13 months into this journey and this wave is, strong and rough. It is hitting me hard and I have a pretty good tolerance. From what I have read here on SA, that is pretty normal at this time. While a lot of symptoms are gone, a lot remain. The ones that remain are the most uncomfortable. 

 

I have to work today for about 6 hours. I have 3 clients to get through. I am a fighter and am praying for strength to get myself through. 

 

Hugs to all. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, mirage. Please put your updates in your Intro topic.

 

Sounds like your surfing this mean wave. One foot in front of the other, it's all we can do.

[mirage]

@Altostrata Thank you. I am very electronically challenged so I'll figure it out. 

 

I have one foot in front of the other for sure. Getting through a tough work day but I am making it. I have 2 more clients to get through. I can do it! 

[Rosetta]

Hope you feel better soon. -R

[mirage]

@Rosetta Thank you! I made it through work today. I'm in jammies and resting for the rest of the night. Another work day tomorrow and no sign of this wave letting go. However, perhaps it will. So I will pray for that. 

 

Hope your day went well.

 

Hugs

[Carmie]

19 hours ago, mirage said:

Going through a rough wave. It started a couple of weeks ago. The "fake" anxiety is over the top. The anxiety just ramps up...because. I know my nervous system is upside down right now. It is so confused. The dizziness is ramped up too. 

 

Did not get, my usual, 5 hours of sleep last night. Took 500mcg of melatonin and tossed and turned until around 2am. Ended up taking a half of a 25mg benedryl and, finally, fell asleep but only to be woken by the 4am cortisol wake up. Tossed and turned until around 7/7 30 then gave up and got out of bed. When I don't get any sleep, my symptoms crank up to, full speed ahead! 

 

I am 13 months into this journey and this wave is, strong and rough. It is hitting me hard and I have a pretty good tolerance. From what I have read here on SA, that is pretty normal at this time. While a lot of symptoms are gone, a lot remain. The ones that remain are the most uncomfortable. 

 

I have to work today for about 6 hours. I have 3 clients to get through. I am a fighter and am praying for strength to get myself through. 

 

Hugs to all. 

 

Hi Mirage, 

 

Glad to know you’re a fighter. This challenge certainly needs a lot of fight. 

 

Im so sorry you’re in a wave, it definitely is no fun. Dizziness is no fun either. I’ve been dizzy for over 23 years because of my illness. I can’t stand long for any period of time. 

 

Hope you coped with your work, Sending hugs🤗

[mirage]

@Carmie Thank you. I am a fighter and I will do what ever it is I need to do. I know I won't die trying so there is no harm in pushing. 

 

I did make it through work yesterday. Hurray. Another day of it today. I am a hairdresser so I am standing the entire time. I sometimes have to laugh and hope everyone looks good when they leave. I think they do but I am dizzy and, well who knows. I haven't had any complaints or anyone come back. lol

 

God bless

[Carmie]

3 hours ago, mirage said:

@Carmie Thank you. I am a fighter and I will do what ever it is I need to do. I know I won't die trying so there is no harm in pushing. 

 

I did make it through work yesterday. Hurray. Another day of it today. I am a hairdresser so I am standing the entire time. I sometimes have to laugh and hope everyone looks good when they leave. I think they do but I am dizzy and, well who knows. I haven't had any complaints or anyone come back. lol

 

God bless

 

Hi Mirage, 

 

That must be hard having to stand for long periods of time when you’re dizzy. I’m sure your clients leave your salon happy with their snazzy new hair. No complaints hey, that’s always a good thing💇🏻‍♀️😀.

 

Lots of people record dizziness as one of their withdrawal symptoms on here. I’ve been dizzy for over 20 years because of my illness. I learn to live around it, lots of sitting down, and lots of sitting with my feet up. That isn’t possible if you’re hairdressing like you are though, is it? You still seem to get there in the end. Good for you!

 

Have a good day💚

 

 

 

 

[mirage]

@Carmie Thank you for the kind words. I am working again today. Should finish tonight around 7, so only 5 hours today. I have my first client coming in a few minutes so i'm telling myself, "I can do this". While it is tough, it is a good distraction and life has to go on. I have to push through. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

 

Hugs and prayers

 

 

[Rosetta]

Hang in there, mirage! -R

[Rabe]

Hope you made it through the day with some energy to spare, Mirage!  Thinking about you!  What a gift to do what you do for others so they walk out feeling better about themselves when you are not feeling so well...much courage and kindness! 💜

[mirage]

@Rabe Thank you! So kind of you to check back with me. I truly appreciate that. 

 

I made it through the day. I am so blessed with the kindest clients. Even though I feel so crummy, it is a joy to have time with them and to help them feel good about themselves. My last client last night is 25 and she just got her first big job and is moving into her own place in August. It was wonderful to hear all of the excitement in her when she talked about everything. She is a beautiful girl inside and out. 

 

I, oddly, never get the feeling of being tired. I could go all day and night if I didn't feel so dizzy. I know I am exhausted but instead of feeling sleepy, my symptoms just become worse. It's like my body has forgotten what it is to be tired. Before this, I never had a problem with sleep. I guess all part of my nervous system being so ramped up. I will yawn and yawn but if I were to lay down...nothing. Bing, eyes wide open and no way I can fall asleep. 

 

I am off today and I am going to go get a manicure and pedicure. I go every 3 weeks and I have been doing that for years. It is the only thing I treat myself to and I have always loved going. It was so relaxing. Now, I have to admit, it is difficult to sit through it since this journey has begun. It ramps up the "fake" anxiety. However, I am not giving it up and I am not giving in to this. (I am a little stubborn. lol). I do feel really good afterwards and my nails always look great. My nail tech had a stroke 4 years ago and she took about 2 weeks off and then came back to work. I have watched her dedication to her job/clients and her strong will to get better. She reminds me when I go in that she is still not fully back, and it has been 4 years. But, she is living a happy and fulfilling life. She is an inspiration! 

 

Hope you are doing well Rabe. I include you in my prayers each morning and night. We will all get through this and come out better! 

 

Hugs

 

 

[Rosetta]

That feeling of never being tired and yet feeling exhausted!  I can't believe a drug can do that to us, but it's true.  Eventually, you will return to normal.  It's not consistently normal for me, but it gets better all the time.  

[mirage]

@RosettaThank you. I really appreciate you contacting me and giving me input. It helps.

 

It is good to hear that. It is, just another odd thing. I know I am tired but my system will not shut down and relax. At night I take a half of a 500mcg of melatonin. I know that is really low but if I take any more than that, it has the opposite effect. I was never sensitive to anything, now, i'm sensitive to everything! I have to take it about 45 minutes before I plan on going to bed. I am a slow metabolizer and even doing that, I still toss and turn. I have had a few days, recently, that I was able to fall asleep pretty quickly. However, I usually have to get up around midnight/2am and take a half of benedryl. That usually does it. Then I can sleep until around 5/5 30. I had a couple of days this week that I slept until 6/6 30. WOW! The little things...right? It is good to hear that it gets better and more normal. I keep praying for some normal things to start popping in so my brain can say, "hey, I remember this". I look forward to having that feeling of normalcy again. 

 

Hope you are doing well. It looks like you have had more better days. I love to see that. I bet you do too!

 

Hugs and prayers

[Carmie]

On 7/12/2018 at 4:56 AM, mirage said:

@Carmie Thank you for the kind words. I am working again today. Should finish tonight around 7, so only 5 hours today. I have my first client coming in a few minutes so i'm telling myself, "I can do this". While it is tough, it is a good distraction and life has to go on. I have to push through. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

 

Hugs and prayers

 

 

 

Hi Mirage, 

 

I hope that you’re still coping with standing at work despite your dizziness. Yes, it’s great to have distractions. I have so many things I like to do I’m never short of distractions.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[mirage]

@Carmie Thank you. I was able to get through both days of work. Had an okay day yesterday but took a rough turn last night and this morning is awful! I have been in a pretty big wave since July 2nd but had a couple of quick windows this week and a new wave rolled in last night and is hitting me hard. The dizziness and the anxiety are hitting me like they did at the beginning of this journey. These symptoms ramp up the anxiety and the anxiety ramps up the symptoms. It is such a catch 22. This is challenging. There is nothing we can do about it so we have to be up for the challenge. We have to accept it and push through each day. Everything I read about this tells us it is a matter of time and patience. 

 

Hope you are doing well. Keeping you in my prayers. 

[Rosetta]

Mirage,

 

Have your tried Epsom salts baths? Even just a very warm bath will help. 

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.  I woke up from a bad dream and a strong cortisol spike this morning myself.

 

Peace, Rosetta

[mirage]

@Rosetta Hi and thank you.

 

I have tried Epsom  salt baths and they do work. I haven't done one in a while. Just didn't want to take the time to do that. Which, is rather silly since it is a chance to relax and help my system. I need to go back to doing that.

 

I have never had anxiety about anything, ever. In fact, I had a complete jaw reconstruction surgery about 12 years ago and I was wired shut for 6 weeks. Could only sip liquids through a straw and had to constantly coat my lips and the tissue around my mouth with a prescription gel moisturizer because I could not lick my lips. Which is a natural thing your body just does. No anxiety. None before the surgery and none after. I completely breezed through that recovery. I was bruised from my eyes to, just below my neck, from all of the breaks made in the jaw bones and the re-alignment. No anxiety. This surgery was way before I was prescribed the Wellbutrin. And gosh, I could go on about pretty tough things that have happened throughout my 53 years but nothing ever caused anxiety. I had an iron clad system. This is so new and foreign to me. 

 

I have to stay focused on the healing. Right? That is what I am being called to do. Thank you Rosetta for always responding and for helping keep things positive. That is truly helpful. You are so supportive and that is what we all need. I pray for continued healing for you dear friend and for many more days of normalcy and health. 

 

Big hugs

[Rosetta]

Yes, in the past, I did so many things that other people were amazed by.  I was fearless.  I had normal anxiety that spurred me to make changes and get off my tail when I needed to.  This is fake anxiety.  However, our brains try to make sense of it.  So, we are constantly seeing danger everywhere.  Nothing is comfortable.  Even little things are upsetting and confusing.  It's fake, but that's very hard to internalize.  I read somewhere that the body reacts to danger before the mind and it sends the signal to the mind to react.  That makes sense.  We hear a sound or smell something without even realizing it.  But the information goes to the brain, and it reacts quickly to get us up, at attention and moving automatically.  That's what's happening -- at random -- for no reason -- over and over again.  It's exhausting.

 

It will gradually calm down over time.  You will eventually relax.

[jonnypeters1234567]

1 hour ago, mirage said:

@Rosetta Hi and thank you.

 

I have tried Epsom  salt baths and they do work. I haven't done one in a while. Just didn't want to take the time to do that. Which, is rather silly since it is a chance to relax and help my system. I need to go back to doing that.

 

I have never had anxiety about anything, ever. In fact, I had a complete jaw reconstruction surgery about 12 years ago and I was wired shut for 6 weeks. Could only sip liquids through a straw and had to constantly coat my lips and the tissue around my mouth with a prescription gel moisturizer because I could not lick my lips. Which is a natural thing your body just does. No anxiety. None before the surgery and none after. I completely breezed through that recovery. I was bruised from my eyes to, just below my neck, from all of the breaks made in the jaw bones and the re-alignment. No anxiety. This surgery was way before I was prescribed the Wellbutrin. And gosh, I could go on about pretty tough things that have happened throughout my 53 years but nothing ever caused anxiety. I had an iron clad system. This is so new and foreign to me. 

 

I have to stay focused on the healing. Right? That is what I am being called to do. Thank you Rosetta for always responding and for helping keep things positive. That is truly helpful. You are so supportive and that is what we all need. I pray for continued healing for you dear friend and for many more days of normalcy and health. 

 

Big hugs

 

I travelled the world on my own for 6 months when I was 18 and now I have trouble leaving the house. It really is devestating

[Kostas]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

that the body reacts to danger before the mind and it sends the signal to the mind to react.  That makes sense.  We hear a sound or smell something without even realizing it.  But the information goes to the brain, and it reacts quickly to get us up, at attention and moving automatically.  That's what's happening -- at random -- for no reason -- over and over again.  I

That's very true! 

It happens through the amygdala brain region. 

It's a primitive part of our brain, before our frontal lobes were fully developed, which reacts unconsciously to protect us from a sudden and unexpected immediate danger! 

[mirage]

@Rosetta @jonnypeters1234567 @Kostas Thank you all for helping me with the answers to this crazy anxiety. 

 

Rosetta, I too, refer to it as "fake" anxiety. It doesn't stop me from doing things but it is so uncomfortable and just ramps up for no reason. It has gotten better but I need it to go away...far, far, away! It is good to know yours has gotten better. There is hope. Always hope. 

 

Yes, Kostas, it just happens before you can even reason with it. It is so automatic. Can't seem to stop it. It is there when I wake up and is there when I go to bed. Just hanging out with me. 

 

Jonnypeters, I hope you can get back to doing things again. It was really hard to leave my house, even 6 months ago, but I had to make myself. I got to the point of accepting it and knowing that I don't want this to overcome me and that I still need to live life. I started doing small outings. Taking walks, going to the grocery store, I went to the shopping mall and just walked around for about 10 minutes. I just took my time there and made sure I was out in public but I knew if I needed to leave at any time, I could. I would casually walk and let my heart pound. I swear, sometimes you could see it beating out of my chest! Let me tell you, I have always been a shopper so there was absolutely no reason for my body to think I was in danger at the shopping mall. Well, of course shopping can be dangerous, especially when it comes to shoe shopping. lol. All joking aside, I never shopped. Just walked and made myself be out with people. 

 

Blessings to you all

[Rabe]

I just wanted to thank you for sharing the tired vs fatigue mirage because I have had that for so long and didnt know what it was or even how to express...thought it was just me now.  

You are healing!  SO this will as well!!  You are SO strong!  Take care!💜

[apace41]

16 hours ago, mirage said:

Rosetta, I too, refer to it as "fake" anxiety. It doesn't stop me from doing things but it is so uncomfortable and just ramps up for no reason. It has gotten better but I need it to go away...far, far, away! It is good to know yours has gotten better. There is hope. Always hope. 

 

This is a great discussion and one that has many different sides and angles.  When you look at "anxiety" sites you quickly come to the understanding that true "anxiety" can only be a product of the mind.  The body triggers it through the limbic system response (amygdala, fight or flight, sympathetic nervous system, stress hyperstimulation, etc.) but when that sensation hits we have a "choice" -- do we run with the fear or do we contain it and allow it to quickly die off.  If we can do that latter over and over and over again we create a neural pathway in the brain so that over time we don't have that "second fear" as Clair Weekes called it -- the one that gets us spiraling out of control.  HOWEVER, when we are in the midst of withdrawal, the process is so much more difficult because we have random triggers of a chemical nature that are completely unrelated to what is going on in our lives and even, in many cases, unrelated to our core beliefs.  This is ESPECIALLY clear in the cases of people who can comfortably say that prior to withdrawal they never had any kind of anxiety.

 

For those of us who have some history (whether strong or weak) of anxiety we will be highly prone to question whether we are having withdrawal driven anxiety or a "recurrence" of past anxieties.  There is no clear answer in most cases for those people as it is most likely a spectrum that we all fall somewhere along.  At end of the day, however, getting bogged down in the details is really a useless rabbit hole (one I've spent WAY too much time exploring).  The key to managing in my view is learning to accept in a passive manner that this is the current state we are in, learn tools of self-soothing and coping, including containing the fear that arises (to the best of our abilities in the face of the chemical cascade), be kind and compassionate to ourselves and take time to rest and relax as best as possible.  As so many that have come before us have attested (most recently from a frequency of return standpoint, Aeroman and Pug), the single most critical element in all of this is time for the system to rewire and heal, and to the extent we can learn how to live in a manner that minimizes suffering we will see that time pass faster and the healing come more quickly (at least it will seem that way).

 

Best,

 

Andy

Edited July 14, 2018 by apace41

[mirage]

@Rabe I'm glad it helped. It is a hard thing to understand when it is happening. Our bodies are so exhausted but our systems won't let us sleep. We are in such a confused state. Just another thing that our brains have to figure out. 

 

Thank you for the kind words. We have to be strong. It is required of us. It will take strength and bravery to get us through. If we get too weak, we won't manage. This is a heavy journey. 

 

Hugs and prayers

[mirage]

@apace41 Thank you for shedding so much light on the anxiety. I think it is one of the main things that keeps us from getting better in this journey. If our bodies weren't in such an over stimulated state of nerves, we would be able to allow a lot of the other symptoms to be there and to go on with our lives. This anxiety causes everything to be so heightened. It causes the fear. Yet, a lot of it is out of our control. It just happens. We wake up with it and we go to sleep with it. 

 

Prior to this journey, I could get a symptom, an ache or pain ect, and think nothing of it. I may have taken an Advil and I would go about my day and I could, pretty much, ignore it. Mostly knowing that it is no big deal and it will, eventually, go away. With withdrawal, every symptom is huge and scary. One of the hardest things is to not let it be huge or scary. Yet, we can't help it. It is like we no longer have any common sense. 

 

I completely appreciate what you are saying about those who never had anxiety and their thinking compared to those who have battled with it before their journey. It would be hard to figure out and get through the anxiety wondering if this is, re-occurring, pre drug symptoms, or the withdrawal. 

 

Every part of this is hard and it takes strength, faith, patience and bravery to battle through it. So on top of being so sick, we have to reach deep and find a way to start digging out of this hole. Eventually, we will see light shining through and one day, reach the top and step out. Both of our feet will be steadily planted on the ground once again. I look forward to that day for everyone here. 

 

Have a blessed day.  

[Rosetta]

How are you feeling today, mirage?

[mirage]

@Rosetta Thank you for checking in on me.

 

Having an okay day so far. My symptoms aren't as bad so I think I am in a smidge of a window. Thank God. My husband and I went out, last night, with another couple that are friends of ours.Yesterday was not a good day and I had to push myself to go. Had to tell myself, "you can do this". We went to a local casino for some gambling and dinner. The first hour or two were not good. Gosh, let me rephrase that, they were awful. My dizziness and anxiety were ramped to, full speed ahead! I actually felt a smidge nauseas. Told my husband that I may not even be able to stay for dinner. We went on an early end, around 5:30 and were planning on dinner around 7. I stuck with it and got to dinner. During dinner I felt a bit of the symptoms lift and by the time we finished, I felt better. My daughter joined us around 8:30 and we ended up having a really good night. We left there around 12:30am. By the time we got home and in bed it was 1:20am. I yawned the entire way home but of course, got into bed and could not sleep. Body exhausted but the mind...not. Tossed and turned until around 3 and then I got up and took a half a benedryl. Woke up around 6:30. I did try and stay in bed and doze but it just didn't happen. I had to just give in and get up. 

 

While I still have symptoms, I am feeling lighter and they aren't as severe. I keep praying that one of these days, what appears to be a window, will actual stay and that I will get better and better from there. I am not liking those awful waves. They get so bad. So rough. I am trying to take this lighter feeling in and remember it. When the waves come, it is hard to remember that you actually felt better prior to them and you will feel better again. Does that happen to you?

 

I have a smidge of a tough night tonight. One of my dearest friends passed away, suddenly, a year ago from a heart embolism. She wasn't even ill in any way. Just gone in a minute. Her daughters are having a celebration of her tonight. I miss her dearly each and every day. I was fortunate to have had time with her 3 days before her death. I was so sick at this time last year. OH SO SICK! She came over and sat with me for a few hours and we just talked. She left a couple of days after that to go to a friends, daughters wedding and it was in her hotel room that she collapsed and they couldn't bring her back. It was surreal. I mean she was just here with me a couple of days ago. How can she be gone?! I stay in close contact with her daughters and they have had a tough year. While I have also had a tough year, I am blessed that I am here to be able to battle it. 

 

How are you doing? You are a few months ahead of me on this journey so I do like to hear how it is going. Do you have plans for the weekend?

 

Hugs and prayers dear friend.

[Rosetta]

Gosh!  That's a terrible thing to happen to someone.  I have a cousin who died of a brain aneurysm -- kind the same thing.  She was just gone.  I was a small child, and she was an adult.  I'm glad you were able to see her right before it happened.  I'm sure it's very hard to come to the first anniversary.  I'm sorry for your loss.  And she was someone who was understanding of your condition, too!

 

Yes!! When a wave comes it seems to erase all memory of having had a window!  You know you had one like you know what you read in a history textbook, but as far as you are aware the window never happened -- on an emotional level.  It's very discouraging.  I feel depressed when I feel myself going back into a wave.  Just remember that you will feel better and better as you go lower on the Wellbutrin.  There will come a day when a wave doesn't feel so bad.  It's just a blip.  I felt so upset when felt a wave coming on a few days ago, but it didn't get deep!!  I was so surprised.  It hasn't been bad yet.  I simply fluctuate throughout the day and feel pretty crummy in the middle of the night.  This is brand new!  It will happen for you, too!

[mirage]

@Rosetta Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I love hearing that you are doing better and things are greatly improving. It helps me tremendously! 

 

My friend was very understanding of what was going on with me and she was supportive of everything. A truly wonderful person and I miss her each and every day. 

 

You are so right about the waves and the windows. Most of the time I don't even recognize windows until they are over. I think that is because I am never symptom free. I am waiting for the time I get a window and I truly recognize it and I can enjoy it and embrace it so I can remember how it felt when a wave comes on. 

 

I am, currently, holding on the Wellbutrin. I weaned from 300 down to 150 and weaned completely off the Remeron, but my neurologist wants me to hold until my nervous system gets more stable. Then we will finish the last of the wean. Not sure how long it will take to stabilize but I do think it is better for me to do that. Once I get back to weaning, I am going to take it, ever so slow and careful. I will not make this mistake again! 

 

You are my inspiration!

[Rosetta]

It seems that neurologists are more likely to recognize withdrawal from ADs and not make the mistake of prescribing more drugs that irritate and kindle the nervous system.

[mirage]

@Rosetta. I think you are right about that. I didn't start seeing this neurologist until the end of December 2017, 6 months into this. By then, my dr had reinstated the Wellbutrin 150 and added Remeron 15mg and increased the Wellbutrin to 300 and increased the Remeron 30mg. I was in a withdrawal mess by December. It was after seeing him, that I made the decision to start getting off of them. My neurologist is also a psychiatrist. Wish I would have found him WAY sooner! How are you doing?

[Rosetta]

I'm doing ok, thank you.  Everyday is a hodge lodge of fluctuating emotions, but it's so much better then before, that's for sure.

 

A neurologist AND a psychiatrist?  That's unusual.  I would love to know what he thinks causes WD, why he thinks some people get it more easily than others, and I would have a hundred other questions, too.