mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[mirage]

Been working all day. Expecting another client in about 10 minutes. Last one for the day. 

 

Woke up with the anxiety too. It is a daily thing for me. I wake up with it and it stays with me all day along with the dizziness. Makes it tricky to work but I have to keep plugging along. 

 

Its good that you can stay in bed. I have to get up. I have 4 dogs and we take a walk early every morning. They get me up and going. It is tough but it gives all of us some fresh air and vit d from the sun. 

[mirage]

Just finished working. It was a tough day with the anxiety and dizziness. 

 

I understand the waking with dreams. That happens to me every night. My dreams aren't scary but they are always very weird and I always jolt awake in the middle of one and if I dose off after waking, the odd dreams come right back and sometimes I don't even feel like I was actually asleep. 

 

The past couple of nights I have had something new. I have been falling asleep pretty quickly but waking around 2 30am. I use to stay asleep until the 4/5am cortisol wake up call. Now that I am waking around 2 30am I have to end up taking a half of a benedryl  to fall back asleep. Once I go back to sleep after the 2 30am wake up, I have been sleeping until around 6:30. I'm taking all of this as a good sign that my sleep is trying to regulate. I can't wait to have to set my alarm again! 

[RusTW]

That sleeping thing jolting awake and then going back to sleep I have the same thing also and it feels like I'm not sleeping when that happens but I know I am because I'm dreaming. I wake up about 6:30 a.m. or 7 a.m. also but then lay in bed trying to go back to sleep to see if I can do it and then this happens in my sleep. Sometimes I try to gauge my anxiety on whether or not I can sleep or lay in bed I know I should just get up though I'm going to start doing that. I have the racing anxiety myself today mild nausea though thank goodness. Glad to hear from you today

[mirage]

Hang in there. I completely understand. Are you working today?

[RusTW]

Yes I have to work pretty soon the first couple hours they usually pretty rough in till I gain confidence that nothing disasterous is going to happen I wish I didn't have to go through this every day at work. I'm not able to call in either. So I've held strong with this job it's kind of kept me sane I have to admit. I've been getting the dizziness also I think the Heats adding to it but I can feel it even when I'm in the AC. Off I go I'll check in with you later. I'll let you know how it goes

[mirage]

You can do it. It is just symptoms and you can beat this. 

[RusTW]

Thanks so much.I have great co workers.I don't want any of them to know about this.They look to me for safety.I get down if people feel sorry.I've always been strong so I will b true to that part of me.Thanks for the support☺You are sincere

[Rosetta]

Hey, mirage.  I hope you are doing ok. --R

[RusTW]

My shift was pretty easy tonight. Just a little driving stress. My symptoms were a little strange today. The anxiety symptoms were a little bit different in nature I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach but felt impending doom at the same time . it's gone now my usual nightly window. Well let's see what tomorrow brings . have a good night

[mirage]

@RusTWGlad to see your shift went well. What is it that you do? If I am overstepping, I apologize and  please don't feel you need to let me know. 

 

While I have a couple of symptoms that are with me always, they do change. Sometimes, hour to hour. Sometimes, day to day. I take that to mean healing is taking place and since we have thousands of nerves that have to heal and then get back into balance with the entire body, we see things transform but in the tiniest of increments. 

 

I understand the butterflies in the stomach feeling. This fake anxiety is a hard one to get a total grip on because it has many forms and causes more symptoms or heightened symptoms. I'm looking VERY forward to saying, "good bye" to it! 

 

It is great that you have a nightly window. I usually feel better in the evenings as well. Although, only once, symptom free. 

 

I have a dental appt and then, work again. This is the first week I have worked 3 days and this is the most hours in one week since my journey began. Prior to this I worked about 20 hours a week and I usually did it in two, ten hour days. This week I will have worked about 16 but over a three day period. So, i'm making progress for sure. Sometimes I think we have to write things down in order to see that we are moving forward. 

 

Stay strong friend

 

 

[RusTW]

Good day to you Mirage. My job is a transport job I take people from place to place. When is your dentist appointment those are scary for me. I'm going to dental stuff myself. The numbing shots really amp me up for a couple hours after I get out of there. I felt lazy today getting up because I woke up with the nausea and anxiety but I'm getting ready to get my day started it's really hot outside. I have to work this afternoon. When you say that you have your windows at night how do you usually feel and what symptoms do you have. It's strange because mine just kind of Fades away I feel a little fearful with just a mild bit of anxiety but nothing else I don't feel sickness or anything. It's the time that I live in because it's such such a relief to have that window and then you wake up in the morning with the same thing again.

[RusTW]

 this morning I had that thing again where I was half asleep dreaming not sure if I was asleep waking up an hour later not knowing what happened. How are you doing today.

[mirage]

@RusTWHello. Long dental story. I'll try and shorten it. Prior to this med journey,  I had a dentist break the drill off in my tooth while doing a root canal. She left the piece of metal in and never told me. I got really sick with fever, nausea and pain and swelling I my sinuses. I kept going to the dr who gave me several rounds of antibiotics because she thought I had a sinus infection that wouldn't clear. Turns out it was a severe infection in my jaw bone from the tooth. The dentist actually called me up and confessed. In December 2017, I had to have the tooth removed and bone grafting done in my jaw because I lost so much bone from the infection. Then in May 2018 I had the second part of the surgery to put the post into the jaw bone. Today, was to be the last part, the actual tooth was going to be put on. I went and the new tooth shade was off and the shape was not quite matching up to my other teeth. I have to go back next week for it. Dang! I was ready to put this all behind me. 

 

I did have big reactions to the general anesthetic that was given to me for both surgeries. I am not even sure how I did it in December. I was just 6 months into this journey and I was SO sick! Since these surgeries, I have found out that the local anesthetic that dentist use contains epinephrine which is adrenaline. It is given because it last longer and there is less bleeding. However, every dentist carries the other kind that does not have the epinephrine in it. That is probably why you have always had a reaction when going to the dentist. I asked my dentist, today, about it and she put in my file not to give me the epinephrine. So, keep that in mind. 

 

I'm actually not having a terrible day today. I do have the anxiety but even with the dental appt it isn't over the top. 

 

It is good to hear you do well once you get going at work. I think that is healing taking place. And the break from all of the other symptoms is true relief! I understand about feeling better in the evenings and then waking up to the yuckiness every morning. Again, groundhog day! 

[mirage]

It is interesting that several people on this site talk about the dreaming thing. I have it too. I never had it prior to this journey. I may have had a dream in my sleep but nothing as weird as these dreams and I always wake up with these dreams. I never woke up while dreaming before. Are we having normal dreams and our nervous systems are just so ramped up that we are a little awake while dreaming and not in a true, deep sleep? 

[RusTW]

I'm going through Dental stuff now again too and I'll tell you what it sure is hard sitting there in the chair with the nauseated feeling and anxiety while they're digging through your mouth. sorry to hear about the bad root canal. I had one done 2 years ago and the dentist hit a nerve with the needle tip and splintered it off so I went through a year about agony trying to save that tooth I went 2 a special oral surgeon he tried to fix it and it didn't work out so after a year it failed and now I have to get an implant also I had the same thing also really bad infection sinus infection tooth infection for about that year.

[mirage]

Yep, that is my story. I'm done with teeth. I was looking forward to getting this tooth done and to put it all behind me. This is a front tooth and I have always been meticulous about my teeth so this was a bit of a devastation. 

[RusTW]

 I had this dreaming thing also when I was tapering off of Ativan after about 2 weeks after tapering everything stabilized and my sleep patterns return to normal. Back then I had the daytime anxiety also. During that time I was taking Zyprexa 10 mg so it's hard to tell how much healing was happening. Like now it's kind of what you're saying my dreams are really strange. I still recognize though when I'm trying to fall asleep I also have that fear of having an anxiety attack right when I wake up so I think the fear alone is causing me to have that.

[mirage]

Just finished working. Long, long day. It was not a terrible day, symptom wise. Everything was with me but not as severe. I thank God. 

 

I'll be so thrilled when my sleep goes back to normal! So thrilled when I am not dizzy and soooooo thrilled when the anxiety is gone! To be back to normal is going to be glorious! 

 

How did your day go?

[RusTW]

 I'm not doing too bad symptom wise either. It's kind of strange I gauge healing whether or not I can take a nap or not funny huh. That will be my big break through when I do I'll throw a party for myself. First I have to distinguish whether I'm sleeping or not I guess it's a relieving feeling of taking that long nap. How is your dental work feeling. I went through that last week my tooth still hurts I heard some lady having a gag reflex and I was worried I was going to get thrown into another wave.

[RusTW]

When you get dizzy do you ever have ringing in your ears. Sometimes I feel like when that's happening I lose sound in one ear real quick and then it comes back.

[mirage]

I was able to nap and fall asleep with no problems prior to this. Now, no way! i'm exhausted and fatigued but just cant fall asleep. Sleep is such a big part of getting better so we need our bodies to get that regulated and back. 

 

I ended up not getting the crown today. I got there and all set for it but the shade of the color was not close enough to my other teeth. My dentist is a perfectionist, which I appreciate. So they are sending it back to the lab. I am rescheduled for next Thursday. So I get to do it all over again. 

 

I have dizziness all of the time. No ringing in my ears and I don't lose any hearing. However, my ears do get the feeling of being full occasionally. Especially if the anxiety is bad. 

[RusTW]

Its good that your still conducting the harder things like the dentist.its been a challenge for me to get to my dental appointment early in the mornings but I really wasn't that sick luckily on those days.now I'm waiting for my crown also.I bet you will be happy when it's over.

[mirage]

@RusTWAs you know, everything is hard while in this journey. The dentist was never a big deal to me and one day, it won't be again. I am ready to put this behind me. I am trying to keep my life as normal as possible. Making sure I still do the things I use to. I just have to alter things at times. 

 

I am supposed to be off today but am going to take 1 client. She is traveling in from another state and only here for a couple of days. It will only be about 2 hours to get her done and then I am off until next Tuesday. HURRAY! 

 

How did your night go last night?

[RusTW]

I'm just getting moving. My shift was pretty good last night I didn't really have any symptoms. My stomach got really bloated for no reason that was about it. Today I feel pretty good I don't have any anxiety or nausea so far. It's nice you're going to have some days off do you have any plans. It was kind of strange yesterday some of my thoughts were how I used to say prior to this and I would think about things that I missed or wanted to do and then they would merge with my current thinking.

[mirage]

@RusTWGlad to hear your shift went well. Sounds like you aren't having many symptoms. That is a good sign. 

 

My husband and I go out every Friday night with some friends so we are planning that tonight. We don't always stay for very long. It all depends on how im feeling. The weekend, no big plans. How about you? 

 

 

[RusTW]

. . I was supposed to go out with my co-workers last weekend but I was feeling my symptoms too bad so I had to cancel I feel bad because they ended up not doing anything because I didn't go. I have to work this weekend I'm getting ready to go work out right now so I'm trying to focus on getting my body back into shape I got so weak are you still working out. Have you tried magnesium right now I'm just taking a multivitamin 1 B complex 1 vitamin C and I might start taking a magnesium calcium not sure yet though.

[mirage]

@RusTWIt is so hard to battle with going out when you have always been a social person. We have always been on the go and, while we are getting out when we can, it is much less than before this journey. Also I have held off on having anything to drink. Not that I was a lush before, but I did like a glass or two of wine or a margarita. 

 

Sorry to hear you couldn't go last weekend. It is going to get better. 

 

Yes, I work out. I do cardio 3 days a week and weights 3 days a week and I take 1 day off. I was a runner before this and I am still not able to run but I interval walk at a pretty good speed with slower walking in between. Looking forward to the day I can get push myself again and run. 

[RusTW]

I walk too.im too reluctant to exert myself anymore with heavy cardio.i was a bicyclist before this.many miles riding per day.i dont think i can do that now.i just changed my workouts to 1 day cardio 1 day weights to give the body rest.im eager to drop the body fat i gained.That affected me badly to put on the 30 lbs in such a short time.funny the doctors never commented on the weight gain .it was so obvious.ive gotton 20lbs off that last ten is rough like the tapering.are youdone working today.   

[mirage]

@RusTWI just finished working right before I sent the last message. It feels good to be done for a few days. 

 

You will get the last 10lbs off easily when you start to feel better and you can bump up your workout. Until then, don't worry about it. Even though i'm working out 6 days a week, i'm not pushing anything. Just trying to maintain a healthy body as much as I can. Also, it is beneficial for the brain. 

 

Going to take a few hours to go to dinner with friends. I'm a little pooped so I hope I can make it. 

[RusTW]

 it'll be nice for you to get out. Yeah you're right about not pushing it too hard. I made a promise to myself not to try not to exercise too hard. Prior to the medications I had unlimited energy and optimism I could push my body all day and just rest perfectly. I can't drink either I had a smell of cigarettes the other day and got really sick from it I can't imagine intoxicating my brain I'd probably start tripping out. I forgot how much work it is preparing healthy meals everyday it's good though it's keeping me busy and healthy. I'm getting ready to go to work now. I feel pretty good today I don't have many symptoms I'm sweating now for some reason.

[mirage]

@RusTWI was able to get out and made it through dinner. We were gone for about 3 and a half hours and I started feeling really yuck! We had to leave. I think the busy work week is catching up to me and sending me into a wave. 

 

Good to hear you are having a pretty good day. Wonderful news!!! Keep making healthy meals. It is best for you even after this journey ends. Lots of fruits, veggies and proteins. 

 

Hope your work night went well. Chin up and positive thoughts.

 

 

[mirage]

@RusTWGood morning. Checking in. I started a wave last night while out to dinner with our friends and I woke up with it being big, bad and rough!!!! The dizziness is almost unbearable and I can't think straight. Although the head tension/jaw/ear pressure is better and the anxiety is better. Also, the dizziness is a little different than it has been. It is even hard being on the computer. 

 

I am telling myself I can't change it, I can't fix it and so I have to accept it and ride it out. A wave is healing and what goes up must come down. 

 

I have several errands to run today and we are meeting my brother and sister in law for dinner. I'm praying can get through it all. 

 

How are you doing today? Do you have to work later? 

[RusTW]

 good morning Mirage. Try not to give the wave any power by presuming what's going to happen next it may go away later. It's hard but try not to anticipate what's going to happen if you go out tonight you might actually feel better. When we have our ways we just have to power through it. I'm having a small window again. I do recognize that the waves change and I read somewhere that it's a part of the healing so you're right about that just hang in there.

[RusTW]

You did good going to work everyday keep it up. It's really hard for me to plan things with people because I am afraid of my waves hitting me while I'm out. We still have to get out there though and try. I get really anxious about the nausea hitting me so bad I won't be able to function. It's never gotten as bad as I worry about it getting. So I just add more anxiety to it than I should. I'm sorry you feel bad

[mirage]

@RusTWThank you for your support and kind words. It is good to hear that you are having a window. That is always good news and makes things easier and re-assures healing is happening. 

I just received a card in the mail from a friend. This is what it says:

LIVE TODAY

"Cherish Your Yesterdays; Dream Your Tomorrows; But Live Your Today". 

 

How great is that?! Also, what timing that I would receive this today. I am very faithful and I pray twice a day. I always ask God for a sign and he gave me one today.

 

I agree with what you said about your nausea not getting as bad as you think it will when you are out. I have to tell myself that too about the dizziness. These symptoms can hold us hostage if we allow it. That is what we can not do. 

 

I did manage a work out today. I did some cleaning and laundry and I'm going to head out in about an hour to make a few returns and hit the pet store so all of my 4 legged fur balls will have food then off to the grocery store so all of my 2 legged, non fur balls will have food. 😀

 

How is the weather where you live? It has been hot as can be here. However, today is beautiful and it is supposed to be that way tomorrow as well and then the heat will come blazing back. After we meet my brother for dinner I am going sit on my patio with my dogs and enjoy the evening. Before this journey, this kind of night I would take a glass of wine out with me. One day. Not now, no way. 

 

LIVE TODAY FRIEND

 

 

 

 

[RusTW]

 those are great words from your friend. Good job at being up and taking care of your stuff today. I'm out right now working out taking a walk it's about in the 90s here and there's fires all over so the air is pretty smokey. prior to going through this I was always living in the future or living in the past I think that's what might have brought on the anxiety and depression to start with. Even though I've been sick I'm learning to live in the present now and try to make the best of it that's all we can do. I always imagine what life's going to be after all of this is over I think it's going to be Easy Pickins. We've been through so much I'm sure it'll humble us.