mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[mirage]

@RusTWSo glad it has passed. Does sound like an anxiety attack. I had some of those in the beginning of this journey. I had one while at the grocery store in the produce area. I was picking out broccoli. I stood there wondering how broccoli could give me anxiety. I know now, that it is fake anxiety and that it automatically happens during withdrawal. I am 53, I've had 4 children and have never had anxiety nor an anxiety attack until this journey. Boy what our poor bodies are going through. They are so very confused!

[RusTW]

How was your day today?

[mirage]

@RusTWThank you for asking. My day went back and forth. The morning was really rough. A lot of dizziness. This afternoon, I still had dizziness but it let up slightly for about an hour then got bad again. However, right now I am not doing terrible. The dizziness is with me but not extremely severe. I guess these are small windows? 

 

I just had dinner. I keep it simple and healthy. Boiled egg, tuna, a low sodium v-8 juice and a few fresh berries. I'm tired but not going to lay down until later. I had that weird sleep last night where I think I was asleep but I could hear everything. Have you ever had that? I'm wanting to get my sleep regulated so I try and go to bed at the same time every night. 

 

I have to work again tomorrow but it will be a very short day. It was a 4 hour day but I had a client cancel tonight so that will cut my day down. I'm glad to have and easier work week this week. Last week was pretty busy. 

[RusTW]

I have that also during the night.I feel wired and sedated if I wake up.I wake up easy but I'm still able to fall sleep. The lower doses of Seroquel seem to be more potent than higher doses For sedation.Its nice you have a easy work week.Plus you get your crown.I wish a long window for your dizziness.I had that earlier.I hope this wave/ window changing so often is healing.Our CNS is very complex.

[RusTW]

I sometimes will get a past happy memory or a feeling of being in the zone with a excited feeling.I might have lost contact of that in the past being so busy sometimes doing way too much.It's a good anxiety I guess.like when u wake up excited for your day.

[Ox123]

6 months off mirtazapine here. My symptoms change every week! I think Im currently in a partial window. Morning anxiety wakes me up at 4.30. Subsides by 8am, feel almost 100% all day, repeat.

 

This is a bonus though as when i first came off the meds, I was having 3 week intense waves. For me i think the fact ive been using ADs that make you sleep is the reason my sleeping pattern and anxiety are all over the place atm.

 

The fact you are 13 months off shows how strong you are. Keep going and keep thinking of the better times ahead!

[mirage]

@Ox123Thank you. Sounds like you are on a good track and healing. I am still waiting for a window that is symptom free. I have better moments but nothing back at my norm yet. It will come. I have to be patient and wait it out. 

 

Thank you for the support. Wishing you great success and recovery.

[mirage]

@RusTWGood morning. Thank you for your support. It means a lot. 

 

It sounds like your body is working its way back. It is good that you are, sometimes, getting happy memories and excitement. The things I use to be excited about, I now get anxiety. Not full blown, heart pounding but, slight queasy stomach/nervousness. I think my brain is confused. Messages are so scrambled right now so it cant separate excitement from nervousness. So all I get is anxiety. It is like we have to teach our brain to stay calm and enjoy instead of catastrophizing the situation. Cant wait for the day I feel that excitement again!!!!! 

 

I have an easy work day today. I am glad. Need to take it easy. Tomorrow is the crown day. Send good thoughts my way. 

 

Hope your day is relaxed and that symptoms stay light or that you get a window. 

 

 

[RusTW]

Hello Mirage= I'm just getting moving.I layedbin bed awhile today.I felt tired.I had a few more waves last might before bed there gone now.I don't like those anxiety attacks.I felt some anxiety when I woke up.I'm trying not to drink too much caffeine today.a little is a lot.I'm getting symptoms sporadically now.they come and go fast.Hard to tell what's next.my Monday is today at work.I get nervous about getting that nausea at work.How are you feeling today.

 

[RusTW]

The anxiety is coming back.When your nausea went away did it gradually go or was it just gone.mine changes all the time.I know u still get it from time to time.its always when I have to go to work I feel it.today my body feels so tired today.

[mirage]

@RusTWI'm sorry to hear about the waves of anxiety and nausea. It is so hard to remember that you get windows where it is better, while you are in a wave. The waves are so hard to manage because you feel so bad. 

 

It is good that you were able to sleep in a bit. Especially since this is the start of your work week. 

 

Best to hold off on the caffeine since the anxiety is back. That will only exasperate it. 

 

My nausea got better over time. It was a gradual thing. I'm finding that this is true with all of this recovery. Healing is so gradual that I never notice things for months after they are gone. I still have bouts of it but mine becomes because of the dizziness. The dizziness gives me the sensation of being on a boat and not being able to get off so, eventually, I get nauseated. 

 

Just finished with a client and I have another one coming at 3 so I have a little bit of a break. Hope work goes well for you and the anxiety and nausea stays away. 

[RusTW]

Yeah i know the waves are so harsh that i loose track of the windows.it feels like the waves are changing.sometimes if i change the way i do things im worried about the waves.the last few days i had more food.its been a while since i freely eat whatever.my diet is so clean now.the drive to get back into shape is my driving force.ive come along way in a short time from working out.working out has been key in my progress.now my goal is to b OK when im just relaxing.im always on the move.having a busy schedule helps me also.i just have a harder time when im not busy.im worried about this new anxiety.hope you are having a good day.

[mirage]

@RusTWInteresting the you are struggling with the anxiety. Me too. Today was crazy hard. I managed to get through all clients but I had to focus on getting through hour to hour because the anxiety was so severe. Also, I realized my dizziness use to feel like I was rocking in a boat and now it is more like i'm reading in a moving car. While it has changed, it is just as rough. Not getting any easier. 

 

I rarely notice windows when I am in them because I always have symptoms. Just not as bad. I usually notice I had a window when a wave starts. I am praying that our widows become clearer. Meaning less symptoms or no symptoms at all. 

 

Are you done with work for the day?

[RusTW]

No work today.I am feeling intense anxiety today.its weird it always worse in the afternoon.Probably because I'm anxious about work.it hit in waves last night before bed.I noticed yesterday it was coming.I was noticing strange things .it is very intense where I can't sit still.how bad is your anxiety.I think I over did myself the last few days.

[RusTW]

One thing I notice that when the anxiety is hitting me I notice that dream images from prior night are playing over in my head not in detail but how that dream felt keeps playing.

[RusTW]

I'm sorry your anxiety is bad too.I hope it lifts soon for us.I'm always puzzled how they come and go and how intense.

[mirage]

@RusTWI am really sorry you are struggling. This is rough but we have to stay strong and remember it will pass.

Take it hour by hour. All of these symptoms are healing. Envision that and keep thinking that. Keep all of your thoughts positive. 

 

I always wonder if I over do it but I asked my dr about that and she said to do what I feel like I can do and take it easy when I feel like I need to take it easy. Our bodies are going to heal as they heal and therefore, we will get windows and waves no matter what we do. She also said to make sure I exercise and I increase it when I feel like I can. Eat smart but don't feel the need to over think things. She said it is important that we live a pretty normal life. Too much fretting over anything just makes the anxiety and symptoms worse. 

 

 

 

[RusTW]

You are so right.my thing is when time is not occupied I'm worried about stuff happening then comes more anxiety. It's like this if I have a chance to relax I usually won't let myself because I don't want to get anxiety from not having anything to do but then I run the chance of doing too much. From time to time I get that easy going relaxed feeling but not too often. Right now I'm waiting for it to cool off it was about a hundred degrees today so it was too hot to do anything.

[mirage]

@RusTWI have to do crossword puzzles or watch tv on my down time. I try and read but my brain has a hard time really processing what I read.

 

Try to keep in mind that the anxiety is fake anxiety and none of it is true. Our bodies are so sensitized right now and it just kicks in. It is hard to do but it is, also, the only thing we can do. We can't let it win.

[RusTW]

Yeah I know thanks Mirage.Its the kind that makes foggy thinking. For the last two days I was feeling dizzy also and then woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad headache. This tired feeling with this much anxiety is not fun. If I lay down my mind just starts racing and my spine gets all nervous. I think I'm going to go to the gym and go do shoulders. Thanks for your support you keep me going. I hope you're feeling better too

[mirage]

@RusTWGood idea to hit the gym. Exercise creates more neuron connections in the brain and aids in the healing. Also keeps depression away. Some times I actually feel better after I work out, even if I have to make myself do it. I think it can help relieve some of the anxiety. 

 

This is going to get easier. One day, these symptoms will be so far behind us that we will hardly remember them.

[RusTW]

We'll just have to wait for that day to come. One  good thing is that I don't have the nausea with this anxiety. That's a pretty nasty combo. What kind of anxiety do you have.

[mirage]

@RusTWOh that is good news that you don't have the nausea. That is improvement. 

 

Isn't it interesting how anxiety presents itself in all of us differently? Mine is a nervous stomach and it increases my dizziness and causes the head tension I have to be tighter. When the head tension gets bad I get pain in my jaw and a feeling of fullness in my ears. It creates a lot of tension in my body. 

[RusTW]

 that's kind of how my my anxiety has been over the last few days it's like unsettling nervousness in my stomach and I've been feeling dizzy and Confused with a headache. My thoughts race from one thing to the next. I have a couple underline things that might be adding 2 the anxiety a little bit I have to return to my primary care physician for some more Seroquel so I can taper longer. I have to see my tax guy again. he did my taxes wrong and I just did a drop on my Zoloft 10 mg. That's what's so hard about this is that you have to monitor everything you're doing how you feel when you do it.

[RusTW]

 I made it to the gym I made it to the gym that seemed to help out quite a bit plus I made a couple new friends there. Thanks for your support today I'm going to have to try tomorrow not to get so locked into it

[mirage]

@RusTWNormal life things have to still be done and before this journey we would go ahead with those without even blinking an eye. This anxiety is powerful and makes us worry about things that we would barely even think about. We have to go on living life. Try not to over think the dr appt or the taxes. Neither are the end of the world and neither are deadly. Take a deep breathe and, in the words of Claire Weeks, float through it.

 

It is so good that you got to the gym and worked out and, bonus...you met a few new people! That is a great thing. 

 

I'll be heading to the dentist tomorrow early afternoon for the crown. As of right now, I have not anxiety about it. Looking forward to getting this completed. It has been a 3 year mess with this tooth. I'll be glad to close the door on it. 

 

 

[RusTW]

Thats great your getting the crown.Its amazing how dental procedures can go bad.3 years is long .I am happy for you that it will be over.I'm sure that made you stronger enduring that.just as this will.Time heals.

[Carmie]

On 7/24/2018 at 12:23 AM, mirage said:

@CarmieThank you for contacting me. 

 

I love animals too. If I could have my way, I would buy land and have lots of animals. I spent year volunteering for a rescue here. That is how I inquired all of my fur friends. My friends think I am a smidge crazy with so many but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I joke with those friends about getting a pig. My husband doesn't laugh because he knows that if I could, I would. I have looked into that and you can train them just like a dog and they are great pets. Mine would have to be an inside pig. lol. 

 

How are your doing?

 

Hi Mirage, 

 

Glad you love animals too, nature is the best. Everything in nature is so soothing n animals make us smile. That’s nice you got to work with animal rescue and have lots of animals. Good for! Do what makes you happy. 

 

Hope you get that pig of yours🐷😃.

 

Im hoping to spend lots more time at Australia Zoo, I have a year pass. I especially love watching the meerkats n the otters. It’s a big zoo n I didn’t get around to seeing everything last time. I want to have a look at the animal hospital there too. They take care of injured animals that people bring in. 

 

I’m not doing too bad withdrawal wise at the moment as I’m in a window, but I’ve been pretty crook with CFS, spending the day in bed today. Have had severe brain fog too from my illness and haven’t been able to read much, so I have been listening to lots of YouTube videos, watching some DVDs and crocheting. 

 

There’s always something we can do no matter the circumstances.

 

Take care💚

[RusTW]

Hi Mirage how are you feeling today. Did you sleep good last night ? I had to take a Benadryl to help me get to sleep. When I woke up this morning the anxiety kind of grew I've got a mild headache and the dizziness is back with the nausea. I hope as the day goes on this will fade.

[mirage]

@RusTWGood morning. Did not sleep to well. Took 1mg of melatonin and then got up around midnight for the Benadryl. Woke up early and couldn't doze. Woke up with the odd dreams. Happens every morning. While they aren't usually scary, I want that to be over too. I want to have to set my alarm again! Simple things we took for granted that I would LOVE to have back. 

 

Anxiety is with me. Always with me in the mornings. It usually gets better in the evenings. My friend, Dizzy, is with me. It is the friend I can't seem to get away from. 

 

I'm sorry you are battling the anxiety, headache and dizziness. They are all symptoms. Hard to do, but try and remember that and take today one hour at a time if you have to. 

 

I'm off to my dental appt. Praying I will get this tooth completed today. I'll keep you posted. 

 

Are you working later? 

[RusTW]

Thanks Mirage the rough mornings are the hardest I woke up this morning tossing and turning laying around in bed trying to get rid of the anxiety but it never goes. This morning I had the dizziness and blurred vision so I laid down a little bit longer which made everything worse. I'm going back to work today so maybe that'll help things out when I work I seem to function a little bit better. Good luck at the dentist . I'll talk to you soon.

[RusTW]

 I should have worked yesterday. I had a co-worker cover my shift I thought I was going to be able to rest more and relax but it was a opposite the anxiety was worse everything was worse and then I was thinking I should have went to work when I was sitting at home. So that just added to the fear about going to work feeling sick so now I'm going to have to do that today and face it and then continue on like that. I think my job is been my structure for the most part and taking extra time off is no good. It's a place that I feel better at.

[mirage]

@CarmieHi and thank you for responding. Animals are awesome. Sounds like you have a wonderful zoo there. My daughter is coming to Australia in November for 3 weeks. She is a diver and is coming to do a few dive tours. She and her friend are really excited! They are finding a lot they want to do and see. Looks beautiful there and I would love to visit some time in the future. Gotta get this journey behind me first...as you know.

 

It is good to hear you have had a nice window. I have had a pretty rough month, overall. A few small windows but none without symptoms. So, it is hard for me to see the windows until I get into a wave. Then, I see the difference. I am waiting for the day that I get a, symptom free window. I know that day will come.

 

So sorry you are battling with the your other illness. Take care of yourself. 

 

Prayers and hugs

 

 

 

[mirage]

@RusTWI understand the dizziness and vision problems. I don't have blurred vision but there is something odd with my vision especially in dim rooms or in the dark. It causes my dizziness to be worse. I'm sorry you are batting again. This is the norm for our journey right now. It will get better. I agree with you about work. It is better to go and have something to do plus it is a rewarding feeling. I have a lot of days that I am not sure how I will be able to stand behind the chair and apply color. Some of the processes take an hour or two to do. It is non-stop standing. However, I make it every time I work and I am thankful to be able to. I think it is a good sign that we are able to do that. It is a blessing. 

 

I had the crown put on and the tooth is complete! HURRAY!!! It has been a long journey and all because a dentist messed up and decided not to tell me. A lot of infection and jaw deterioration. I'm looking at the fact that, that took 3 years and it is 1 tooth. No wonder this journey, which involves thousands of nerves and much of our body, takes so long. 

 

I am taking the rest of the day and night to relax. Today was my day to skip a work out. I give myself one day a week. So it will be early into pjs and a lot of tv. 

 

Hope work goes well for you.

 

I 

[RusTW]

That's great you have your tooth done. That's nice you had the rest of the day off I hope it goes good for you. you're right about work I felt like I was missing out on something last night when I was feeling so lousy. Work is always grounded me because I have a lot of responsibilities there so I have to stay focused.. I'll check in with you later hopefully I'll have something good to report.

[mirage]

@RusTWEnjoy work today. It is a wonderful thing. Sounds like you are good at what you do so cherish the opportunity.