mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[RusTW]

The nausea is the worse friend of mine.wish mr nausea would hit the road and get lost forever

[mirage]

We need to fix mr nausea up with miss dizzy and have the jaunt off to la la land forever and leave us alone!

[RusTW]

Good idea😂 lol then maybe they will leave everyone alone and live the remainder in another universe.lol nice one Mirage thanks for the laugh.

[mirage]

It just seems logical. lol. The two of them can have a great life of misery together. We have to find some laughter in this and to lighten the burden. 

[RusTW]

What a good way to look at it with humor.Very wise.i laugh sometimes at how ridiculous i can think during these times.humor takes me out of it.☺️were blessed to have that survival skill

[mirage]

You betcha. Sometimes it is hard to do but if we can keep it light, it will benefit us. Laughter is therapeutic and the more positive therapy we can add, the faster and better we will heal. We have to find blessings and joy. I love your attitude. 

[RusTW]

Such a great point today Mirage.at work im like that too.the younger ones i work with keep it fun so i get that at work.lots of improvising.they are witty so u gotta keep up.they are keeping me young too as i hit my middle age.lol.

[mirage]

Keep it young friend. I love that you have so much fun with the younger group. I've been in middle age for quite a while but i'm staying youthful. I'm not going down without a fight.😀

[RusTW]

They would be shocked if they knew i was going thru this.they are living it up as i rebuild lol.i hope they never go thru this.getting ready for work now.i feel better now .thanks for that Friend.

[mirage]

No need to let them know. Not everyone knows about my journey either. I don't people to keep on asking  me about it so I plug along and put on the happy face and pretend. That is one thing about this, on the outside, look pretty good. Don't look sick. So it is hard to even imagine how awful we feel on the inside. Don't give that up. It is, yet, another thing that keeps us going and helps in healing. 

 

Perhaps, one day when we are through this, we may need to step in and help someone going through it. Maybe that is why we are on this road? Maybe we will be of great help to others. I hope we can. 

 

I am glad you are feeling better. Hoping that work goes well and you have a good night. 

[Bunyapine]

Mirage I am very interested in the ‘withdrawal driven anxiety or recurrence of past anxieties’ discussion. I have always been an anxious person with OCD, but I have been able to handle it. Now after withdrawal I find the anxiety and OCD so much worse. I am trying to work again on my OCD, but it is so much harder now because of the ramped-up anxiety. My internal tremors get worse with the anxiety and this can cause atrial fibrillation if I am not careful. I don’t want to go to the doctor as she doesn’t believe in withdrawal and will just suggest drugs for anxiety. I am glad to see people discussing this ‘fake’ anxiety. I realise mine is probably a combination of both of them.

 

 

 

 

[mirage]

@Bunyapine I can explain what I know in my case and perhaps it will help you.

 

I have never suffered from anxiety, nor ocd, which is why I know that fake anxiety is a symptom of this journey. 

 

My anxiety just happens. I don't have to be under any stress or over thinking or catastrophizing. It just comes out of nowhere. With a system that is balanced, or that has homeostasis, cortisol will spike in the early hours. That is the bodies natural way to get us to start waking up. As the day goes on, it lowers and by late evening, it is very low. This is the bodies natural way of getting us ready to go to sleep. I had a 24 hour cortisol test ran. My cortisol spikes extremely high in the very early hours and goes down as the day goes on, but then it spikes high again, in the late afternoon. Which, is not normal. As the evening goes, my levels go way down. Like they should. When we suffer from anxiety, our cortisol levels tend to be high. My cortisol test showed my levels, all day, are higher than they should be. That said, I know that plays into the "fake" anxiety I have. Here is an example of something that happened to me: I was shopping at my local grocery store, which I have shopped at for the past 30 years. I was picking out broccoli when suddenly my heart started racing and I could feel the anxiety increasing. Does broccoli normally bring on anxiety?! I don't think so. My nervous system is so very confused. It doesn't know what is "real" danger and what is "fake" danger so it just fires off at random. 

 

I also had the 4am, cortisol wake up calls. In the beginning of this journey, I would wake up, heart pounding, nausea and dizziness and it would not calm down. I am now, 14 months into my journey and it has gotten much better. My anxiety is getting back to a more normal response. So, ramping up when I am in stressful situations ect. However, I  never even had that before this. So I am planning that it will regulate eventually and things will go back to my normal. 

 

Also, when the anxiety ramps up, it emphasizes the other symptoms I have with this. Again, those are getting better too but I am still a pretty far ways from what my normal was. 

 

How is your anxiety? Is it all of the time and is it more like panic attacks or stomach jitters? In the beginning of this, mine was constant panic attacks, now it is more of a feeling of a nervous stomach. 

 

 

 

[Rabe]

Have a great trip Mirage!!  Sounds fantastic and how nice to get back to the life you had! 💜

[mirage]

@RabeThank you. I am praying I can do this! I'm going to push myself through as much as I can. I don't want to go and have to be sitting in my hotel room. 

 

I am far from being healed but I am determined to have some quality to this life each and every day. I will be praying hard when that flight takes off! I have had vertigo problems with this journey so I am hoping the air pressure won't bring it on. Send good thoughts my way friend. 

 

I will touch base here as the trip goes. I am gone for 5 days. Wanting to feel some normalcy and have some laughter. This is going to be a big test of my system. I keep waiting for the day my brain says, "oh yes, I remember this" and kicks back to normal memories. 

 

How are you doing?

[Rabe]

You are an inspiration, mirage!  I will be praying that you have a wonderful trip that feels normal and is filled to the brim with laughter!

 

I am ok, mirage...thank you for asking.  Will be tapering again next week...had hoped to each my doctor for a hold or a lower drop but he is on vacation again.  So will do this and then hopefully get on the brassmonkey slide when he returns.  The pharmacist I talked to today was wonderful...she knew SOO much more than the doctor!  What a nice surprise!   I told her she ought to be a doctor. 😀  

 

Tapering at this speed takes my life away...I am unable to get out, I begin to react to food and meds, lose weight etc.  My therapist told me you're tapering...you need to do some grounding and get through it.😳  She said I have to stop being afraid of tapering.  It is as you were saying...I would just like to have some quality of life while going through this and I believe that can be done even though my system has been so damaged.  I just would like it not to be further damaged...or to keep that to a minimum.  Sad that we have to fight so hard to be understood, accepted, and respected for who and how we are.  

 

I ask for your prayers as well, mirage.  I sure will be thinking of you and will be waiting for your updates!!  💜

[mirage]

@RabeI am so sorry about how hard your taper is. It is incredible how sick we get. We look pretty good and normal so it is hard for people to think we could feel so awful, but, we do. 

 

I think pharmacist have more knowledge than doctors. It was good you had someone to give you some quality information. It is hard to do much when you feel so terrible. I understand. 

 

I spoke to my sister in law about this. She is a doctor and she said all of our cells have to regenerate as well as our nerves. So it takes such a very long time but we will get there. You have to have faith and believe that you are not permanently damaged. 

 

I pray for all of us each morning and every night. God is with us and he will hear our prayers. We have to be patient. I don't know why this is happening to us but we can't ask that. We have to move forward with hope and belief for a new beginning. Once we are through this journey so much will be revealed. 

 

Thank you for the prayers and support Rabe. I will update you as the trip goes. 

 

Hugs and prayers

 

 

 

[Rabe]

Thank you @mirage so much!  Your thoughts and prayers are so so appreciated.  

 

You know, if I even looked good it would be one thing...I get a glimpse of myself when not tapering or when at end of a taper, but I am just so pale, and thin and swelling on my face (eyes and lips), sunken cheeks...just makes me sad.  I just tell that person in the mirror how sorry I am that I sold my home and all this transpired.  As you said, have to believe in a new beginning.  I believe was your sister said...it feels as if every cell is screaming out at times doesnt it?  If it means they are healing thats a good thing I guess. 

 

Safe travels...you leave tomorrow?  

[mirage]

@RabeHold onto faith friend. A new you is rising! Find blessings in each and every day. 

 

Yes, I leave tomorrow. My husband and I are meeting a friend and her husband there. They are wonderful and live in another state so we don't get to see them very often. Looking forward to having time with them. 

[Rabe]

Aww, have a great time! 💜

[mirage]

@RusTWGood morning. Checking in to see how work was last night? 

[RusTW]

Hi Mirage- work was good.didn't sleep much.How did u sleep.Are u ready to go.This will be a good trip.I excited for you.let me know how you are doing.how are you now.

[mirage]

@RusTWGlad to hear work went well. I said an extra prayer for you.

 

I fell asleep okay, with the melatonin but woke up around 3 30 and took the half of Benadryl. Fell back asleep until around 7. So it was okay. Not having terrible anxiety but quite a bit of dizziness, which, is really probably anxiety and the way it is manifesting itself. 

 

Our flight leaves here a bit later. I am packed and ready to go. Praying that I don't get any vertigo on the flight. Not sure why that scares me so much? I have always recovered from it. That is one thing that seems to have a hold on me. I guess we all have that one symptom that is the toughest. 

 

Are you working today?

[RusTW]

Its a good challenge.The reward is experience. I'll pray for no vertigo for you. It's kind of like just going to work but you're going to be in a new environment. You've been really good at taking care of stuff in the daytime so I think you're going to be okay. The new stimulus might be good for you I think it's good to get out there and get new memories going. Yeah I work today this afternoon

[RusTW]

 it's really Smoky here today you can't see the mountains and you can see ashfall in the air so I'm going to have to not exercise outside today.

[mirage]

@RusTWBe careful with all the ash. Good idea not to workout outside. No need to breath it in. Do you wear a mask? So devastating and sad all of those fires.

 

Thank you for the positive feedback. This will be a big test. I am off to the airport. I'll keep you posted. 

 

Prayers friend

[RusTW]

Lol- I'm here for ya- it's kind of like when we were kids and we do everything for the first time again. If you're doing this I can definitely make it through my day LOL. safe travels my thoughts are with you.

[mirage]

@RusTWHi. Checking in to see how you are doing? Hope symptoms are laying low for you. 

[RusTW]

Hi Mirage.I'm in a wonderful window.the best yet.started yesterday.how are you.I'm very curious☺

[mirage]

@RusTW So glad to hear you are doing well. I am very happy for you! A beautiful window for you means things are getting more and more back to balance. You must be so elated!

 

I am doing pretty okay. The flight was soooo bumpy the entire time but I got through it with no problem. So far, the trip is going well. Having the dizziness and some anxiety but overall, I am handling it and enjoying it. Every now and then, I get a smidge sad because I want to feel great again but I have to thank God for this opportunity and for the fun and laughter we are having. 

 

The mornings are rough, as they always are, so I am taking it slow and easy and hanging in my room for a bit. I am finding, like you, the busier I stay, the less I feel the symptoms. Hung at the pool the entire day yesterday with my girlfriend. Had some times when the symptoms popped in but I could over look them. When I got back to my room and sat down, I could feel everything much more. We had an 8pm dinner reservation and stayed out until around 1am. I even had 1 glass of wine. All of that said, busy day and I am doing okay today. 

 

This is giving me more hope that healing is  happening and we will be back to great health again friend. Walking down the strip last night I found a beautiful bird feather. I am very faithful and feathers are a sign of Angels. I picked it up and thanked God for giving us this opportunity for healing. We are in good hands. I always include you and the others, here on SA, in my morning and evening prayers. I feel confident that God won't let us down. 

 

You off today?

 

 

[Rosetta]

I'm glad you are enjoying your vacation, mirage!

[RusTW]

Thanks Mirage yes I'm very excited I feel the happiness 4 all of us feeling this good. All the suffering that everybody has to go through. This window is the clearest so far. All of my senses are clear and not disrupted by any kind of withdrawal symptoms. Your trip seems like it's going good so far. Make the best of it that's all we can do. You never know when the withdrawal symptoms are going to end. The night before last I only slept maybe about an hour and I was expecting to have a bad day yesterday and it was actually the opposite that's when my window opened up so you're right about the not sleeping thing. I believe in the Angels also. The feelings of understanding that I had yesterday we're so clear and so profound that I can see when this is all over with I will be so more advanced in my thinking and feeling. Having felt that it gives me the strength to go through this now. I pray for you also and everybody else suffering from this. Stay optimistic and I hope your trip is very good. Keep me updated I want to know how you're doing.

[RusTW]

It was good to hear from you

[mirage]

@Rosetta Thank you friend. This is a big challenge with this journey. I am determined to persevere. 

 

I wonder if we have to expose our nervous systems to stimuli in order to get it to get use to it all again? Does it make it better or does it make it worse? Even though our systems are so fragile, will giving it glimpses of what was our normal, bring it back again? Will this help us heal quicker? So many questions that I wonder as I am doing this trip. It will be interesting to see how I am once I am back to my everyday life. Will I notice that to be better? I'm feeling like a science experiment for myself. lol. 

 

How are you doing?

[mirage]

@RusTW and @Rosetta Thank you for the support. 

 

RusTW I am finding that the lack of sleep, does not necessarily dictate my day as well. One thing I am learning to do is to not focus on any of the "what ifs". If I don't sleep, then I don't sleep. If I feel yucky, then I feel yucky. None of it can be changed so I am learning to go with the flow and find the positives and blessings. I guess that is true acceptance? Looks like you are doing that and I think that is wonderful. We can't go back. We can't say, "would have, could have, should have" and we can't say "if only". It all is what it is and it isn't about what happened or how or why. It is, now, about what are we going to do about it and how are we going to handle it. 

[RusTW]

This being done with your support and support from others. I've gained my strength from this support. Living Our Lives as best we can is the only way out of this I think. You're so right about not anticipating things happening because they may not and I'm learning that. It takes away the fears power and becomes empowering. This will make us so much stronger and life so much easier.

[RusTW]

 I hope your experience there will bring you many insightful blessings and building blocks for you to continue making yourself stronger.