mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[mirage]

@RusTW Didn't make taco night. ☹️ Too dizzy. I had tuna and fresh fruit at home. 

 

I will pray for us tonight that this wave will be short and windows will come and be longer and better.

[mirage]

@RusTW my anxiety is not too bad. it is the dang dizziness. 

[RusTW]

 I'm sorry Mirage. I had to get up and head out to the gym again my anxiety so bad I already worked out once today I'm going to head back again to hopefully exhaust myself to make myself sleep tonight I'm going to take that chance. I'm going to go heavy with the weights..

[mirage]

@RusTW I am so sorry you are having this terrible anxiety. You need to do what you feel you need to do. If going back to the gym is what is calling to you, then I support what ever it is that will help you through. I'm hoping you will get relief friend. 

[RusTW]

Thank you.I hope you have a good night sleep tonight. Working out is always help me get through certain things so hopefully it'll help me through this. Maybe when you wake up in the morning the dizziness will begone I hope it goes away tonight but maybe in the morning after you sleep a little bit your sleep might be better tonight.

[RusTW]

 I was thinking about this today I'm going to have to accept a new me that I'm shaping now and forget about the old me cuz I can't go back.

[mirage]

I hope you get sleep tonight too. I think once we can get some regular, rem sleep, our recovery will go quicker. Most everyone seems to have difficulty with getting sleep back and it is during rem sleep that our brains do a lot. 

[mirage]

The new you already has a great start. Your weight loss and getting off the meds. You can only go up from here and that is good. Move forward friend. Do not look back. Forgive and forget and use this as your opportunity to grow. 

[RusTW]

Well said.had a brief workout feel better. I was telling JP earlier that I was watching some old Bruce Lee footage last night that was pretty inspiring. Seems like we have to conquer our inner opponent especially now

[mirage]

Stay positive and tell yourself you will win and that you are strong. You are. No one who is weak can go through this. You are fighting and will come out on top!

[RusTW]

Im going to hold on my meds too.im going to have to get more seroquel this week from my gp.im wondering if the zoloft is causing this agitation.i noticed that im ocd thinking sometimes.im a detailed person and it scrambles me.this is hard to tell because they say that sometimes zoloft amplifies anxiety and ocd.im soooo tired from not sleeping. how in the heck can i be this worked up and so sweaty

[RusTW]

i will stay positive -thanks Mirage-

[mirage]

@RusTW Good morning. I hear you about the Zoloft amplifying anxiety. The Wellbutrin I am on, can do that as well because it is a stimulant. I think my body will eventually level out around it. For right now, it is awful. My anxiety came back yesterday and is with me in full force today, especially this morning. That just ramps up my dizziness. It is so difficult. It is the wave, back with me. Ugh!!!! 

 

I think your sweating is associated with the anxiety. Hopefully your system will level out around the med as well. Part of the anxiety is fake. Our systems are overstimulated and confused. Once we get at homeostasis again, this will go away. In the meantime, we are learning to live through it which will be so helpful when we are healed because we will have learned how to let go of so many things that aren't really important and we will be able to roll with circumstances that would have ruffled our feathers before this. 

 

How was your sleep last night? I took my, usual, 1mg melatonin and I fell asleep pretty quickly. I remember waking up a couple of times and I remember thinking, I may have to get up and take the half of Benadryl but then I fell back asleep and didn't have to take it. Woke up around 5:30/6. I never look at the clock but my husbands alarm goes off at 6:30 so I gauge my wake up based on that. Something interesting for me that is new, the nights I don't sleep well, I'm having okay days. The nights I sleep pretty well, I'm having rougher days. It is like I'm now having waves and windows in my sleep pattern and they work opposite of my day time waves and windows. A few weeks ago, a bad night would equal a bad day and an okay night, an okay day. 

 

Work day for me today and, I think you? I don't have my first client until later this afternoon. Getting some things done around the house and working out. 

[RusTW]

Good morning- I'm just moving around now.I can feel the anxiety too.I hope today is better than yesterday.the anxiety was bad yesterday.my sleep was better I did wake up too a few Times.my dreams seem are so real.do u think that your sleep changes are healing.it sounds like that.I think it takes a while for our brains to catch up to from our Cold turkey and our sestyms are sensitized to everything now especially the meds.some are saying that the zoloft causes the agitation anxiety.that's why I want off asap.I tapered down too fast on the zoloft.I'm obsessing on stupid stuff now too.right before falling asleep I have a peaceful feelings.last night I dreamt I was fishing in the mountains.I love to do that.we are healing in our sleep. One thing I'm facing now is that the state that I was in prior to going on the meds something went wrong back then and I think that regardless of being on or off the meds I'm going to have to deal with that I was obsessing a little bit and anxiety and depression so they were there prior to the meds. Everything's just Amplified now. I think for some of us even when we do come off we will have to deal with what caused us to get on the meds to start with so I think that what we're going through now is going to help us it'll minimize the symptoms or they will be more bearable. I've read when you come off your meds that it's supposedly 10 times worse then prior to you starting the meds. I think all the stresses that we were talking about that we were going through prior was like a break point for me. So I think a part of the healing might be unlearning or retraining 9our brain how to deal with stress. I'm off today.I'm glad for that.I hope the anxiety gets better for us.

[RusTW]

I get frustrated sometimes because I'm curious how things are going to go when we taper again.Even if we hold for stabilization now is it going to be rough or worse when we taper then come off completely.some people on SA are having issues after a good taper with their W/d.We still have a ways to go.

[jonnypeters1234567]

Dont rush your taper, 6 months minimum id say. Cold turkey is horrendous

[RusTW]

9 minutes ago, jonnypeters1234567 said:

Dont rush your taper, 6 months minimum id say. Cold turkey is horrendous

JP I'm going slow.Horrendous is very accurate.not down for more of that.

[RusTW]

Mirage- how is your thinking right before you fall asleep.do u naturally wind down or does it take a few to feel calm.Before this w/d I've always had a good feeling right before I fall asleep.I've been getting that the last few nights again.like a little euphoria.I used to get that feeling right when I would wake up also before this.that's what I miss about the mornings.

[mirage]

@RusTW Just finished my work out and had my lunch of, 2 boiled eggs, a banana and a low sodium v8 drink. Oh the lunch of champions!😀

 

My dreams are just totally off the wall, weird! I know dreams don't make sense, but mine are just so odd and I always wake up in the middle of them. I read somewhere that our brains are going through our entire lives trying to rebalance and restructure. So, perhaps these dreams have something to do with that? 

 

I don't get any relaxed feeling when falling asleep. However, I never did. I would crawl into bed completely exhausted and would fall asleep immediately. Right now, I head to bed never feeling like I can go to sleep. I just don't have that tired feeling that I should have. Especially on work days. I work out in the morning and then stand on my feet for hours. I would think I would collapse but my system is just too ramped up inside. 

 

Anything is going to be a, "walk in the park", when we get through this! The strength we are gaining is unbelievable! 

 

It is good that you are off today you can take it easy and rest. I am heading to the shower and then off to work. I only have 5 hours today. I am not working the rest of the week. My husband and I are heading out of town on Saturday. We are meeting friends in Vegas. This is going to be interesting. We were supposed to go early June but I just couldn't do it so we rescheduled. It is going to be a 5 day trip. As of now, I am concerned but also, a bit excited. I have never been a nervous traveler but in the condition my system is in now, I won't know until I do it. I use to be the person who was still throwing things into my suitcase as we are shuffling out the door but I am planning ahead because of this anxiety. Giving myself 4 days to get my act together so I am not doing any last minute things. Hoping that will cut down on some of the anxiety. May have to take a half of Benadryl before I board the plane. I am slightly worried about being in a wave while there. Who knows, perhaps I will be in the best window yet? I won't know unless i go. I have this strong urge to still live life. So I am doing just that. 

 

I'm off to get ready to work. Enjoy your day off and feel better friend. Take some deep breaths and relax. I will touch base when I can. 

 

 

[RusTW]

The trip sounds fun.You will b ok.its a good challenge.We have to test it for the confidence factor.We know how to cope for the most part. Have a good work day .talk later ☺

[mirage]

@RusTW Waiting on a client and had a minute. This trip is going to for sure test a lot! I am going to be brave and put my big girl panties on and pray for a window or an easy wave. 

 

Work is going okay despite this wave. I am a couple of hours left and then I am done. I am blessed with the most lovely clients. All are such a joy and I love and appreciate each and every one of them. 

 

Hope your day is going well friend. 

[RusTW]

Lol your funny . it's good you like what you do for work I do to it does help. I like everybody I work with also and the clients that we have too. I find myself empathizing more with their situations than thinking about myself so it really helps me forget about my problems. I'm happy to report I'm getting a very clear window right now it's lasted for a few hours so far I hope it keeps going what's changing now though when the symptoms do hit me is like a OCD type of thing all obsess about something ridiculous start tripping out about it and then I'l it will fade away and I'll see how stupid I was for thinking about it. I think that's a little bit of progress for me last year when I was having body symptoms I would stick on to something like cancer and just think about it for long periods of time. It's not like that anymore I'm just facing the withdrawal symptoms and not extending it out in anything more ridiculous in that. LOL I even had genetic testing done for cancer. Which showed no DNA replication or mutation possibility for most cancers that are genetically inherited

[RusTW]

 I've always been a very creative person so I think when I obsess my imagination gets the best of me sometimes.

[mirage]

@RusTW Done with work for a couple of weeks. Hurray! 

 

First, wonderful to hear you are having a pretty good window! I am so, so happy for you! Such a relief to have some normalcy and less symptoms. One of these days friend, the symptoms won't come back and you will stay in the window and have that wonderful feeling for good. 

 

You make a good point about empathy. It is a good to listen to my clients and focus on them for a while. It is a good distraction from my symptoms and does let me be sympathetic for what they are going through. It also makes you realize so many people have some sort of hardship or suffering and to each person, it is rough. 

 

Try not to make a catastrophe about any thoughts. The symptoms you have are from the withdrawal and they will go away with the healing. 

 

Glad to see your cancer DNA testing came back good. Clear that thought out of your head and move forward on the healing that you need right now. 

 

I had some DNA testing done on meds and found out I cant metabolize any of them. So increasing the dosage will only give me more symptoms and make me feel worse, not better. My dr was surprised with the results because I am thin so she assumed I was a fast metabolizer. Turns out I metabolize food fast but anything that goes through my liver moves very slow. My brother had the same testing and he can metabolize anything and everything. Same set of parents. 

 

 

[RusTW]

That's  great that you have a couple weeks off from work maybe you can plan on a good recovery during that time . I know work helps you out but you could you utilize that time for yourself and healing and helping everybody. I'm rallying for you that your trip will turn out good. I'm still pretty much in that window I'm starting to get a mild headache but the majority of the anxiety and nausea is gone thank God. Lots of sweating now I still don't get that

[mirage]

@RusTW Yes, I hope to have some recovery time but I am a lot like you, work keeps my mind off of it and sitting around can make the symptoms worse. I pray that doesn't happen. I have a lot of things going on so I think I will be okay? Fingers crossed!

 

The trip is 5 days then the day after we get back, my oldest son and his wife are coming in town from Colorado. While they are here we will be driving the 2 hours to take my baby back to college. We own the home that he will live in there and it needs some work done now that our last renter just moved out. Everyone will be kicking in. That will just be a long day trip and the day after that, my sister in law and niece and nephew are coming for dinner and our last visit with them before they go back to Okinawa Japan. My brother is in the military and they are stationed there. My sister in law and the kids come in town every summer for a couple of months. It is so much fun to have them here for that long but then we don't get to see them for another year. 😥 At that point, it will be back to work...again, and that first week back is packed! That is what happens when anyone takes time off from work. You have much more work to do when you get back. 

 

Thank you for the good wishes for the trip and rallying behind me. I truly appreciate that. I'm thrilled to hear you are still having a good window. Who knows, this could be a wonderful turning point for you. That would be incredibly awesome!!!!!!!!!

[RusTW]

I hope so * I just heard my sister talking about me  getting better.She was telling her boyfriend.might have been b's to make me feel better.She kinda gets it.not really though.

[mirage]

@RusTW Keep the faith. You are getting better. Your post are showing it and you are so supportive to others on the site and to me. Attitude means a lot through this journey and you have it right. Stay strong and keep finding the blessings. 

[RusTW]

That's a great distraction from the W/D. to get so back into life for your family.Your strong

I think you will make good progress.I'm excited for you.feeling emotions of love and caring with them will be good for you to reconnect with yourself.

[mirage]

@RusTWThank you. I wish and pray for us to continue to make progress and I will support you through this journey. 

[RusTW]

Thanks Mirage my progress. Has been mostly having a better understanding of what this is. never imagined this.you go into many places with yourself.like you said we will be stronger from this.I very much appreciate the support from You and Others on SA going thrue this.When it's endings come I will see and do see things in a new light.

I feel overwhelmed at what people have to go through in W/D.I do feel lucky and very supported ☺

[mirage]

@RusTW Good morning. How was your nights sleep? I had an okay night. I took my 1mg of melatonin but tossed and turned for a bit over an hour. I gave in and took the half of Benadryl. Fell asleep and woke around 5:30ish. Having an okay morning but mornings are always really rough for me. Waiting for the day I can hop out of bed and not have any symptoms. 

 

Going to run a few errands today and this evening we are meeting my brother and his family and my sister in law (who lives in Japan) and the kids, for dinner. We only have tonight and the one day, next week, to see them before they leave. Gotta get my time in with them. Love them and it is so hard not being able to see them for another year. One of these days, we will go visit them. It is on my bucket list but I have to be 100% for, at least a year, before I can take an overseas trip. 

 

Hope your night went well and you wake up refreshed. 

[RusTW]

Mirage  that's great that your brother and his family is coming to visit. I know it's hard when they live so far away. I hope you have a wonderful visit with them. You'll get there someday soon. I didn't sleep too well I was up for most of the night I hope it doesn't catch up again with the anxiety. I kind of have a mild headache today with the little bit of nausea so hopefully it'll fade

[RusTW]

🙂How do you feel today

[mirage]

@RusTW Thank you. It is hard having family so far away but I cherish the summers with them.

 

So sorry about your lack of sleep last night. Don't gage that on anything though. I find that there are a lot of times that I don't get sleep and my symptoms don't get too bad. Yours may not. Try not to fret over something that may not be. 

 

My day is going okay, so far. Symptoms are not awful. Keeping myself busy and managing. Did some cleaning and did a few things in the yard, got my work out in and just had lunch. Are you working today? 

[RusTW]

 I'm kind of having a dilemma with the sleep thing. My sister doesn't work that much so she's up most of the night. What's waking me up at night is all the Ruckus that she's making. A few days ago when I was having a really bad day I sat down and explain to her in full detail what I'm going through and I asked her please allow me sleep time between 12 and 7 a.m. I've mentioned this to her before and we made an agreement but she seems to keep breaking it. I really wish she new how sick I was and what I'm going through and how this affects me in the day. Any suggestions I pay rent and help out the best I can