mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[RusTW]

 having pets around sure does help out. I have some dogs and cats to look after also. Most of them are disabled so I have to make sure to take extra care of them. They can always feel our emotions so I try to keep up and positive so they don't get bummed out.

[mirage]

@RusTWI agree we need to live in the present. I wasn't very good at it either. I am a planner so I was always lookin ahead at what I needed to do, or what was around the next corner and I didn't take much time to, stop and smell the roses. 

 

I also agree, that when this journey is over for us, life is going to be smooth sailing. We will be humbled and so much more will be gained that we don't know yet. 

 

I have 4 dogs and 4 cats and all are rescues. I use to volunteer for a rescue but it got crazy for me because I just wanted to save them all. I had to step back. I have a husky mix, a shepherd mix and a golden retriever mix. One has a heart condition, one had both knees replaced and the other had a hip replaced and is on a thyroid med. I'm spending a fortune on them but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I cherish them and I worry because they are all getting old. They are 9, 10 and 11. It is going to be awful when they go. I agree with you about them knowing we are sick. They feel everything we feel. Well, the dogs do. I'm pretty sure my cats could care less! 

 

It is great that you take care of animals with special needs. They are all amazing and deserve a great, loving life. 

 

 

[RusTW]

 it's hard sometimes because they're really old and disabled. So when I start feeling down I just think about them and what they're going through and I forget about my issues. I realized something today that being consistent with ourselves and everybody else in our environment on a regular basis will help us through this also because it sets up structure for us every day the people we run into or the situations that if we're consistent we can count on things kind of being the same or close to the same. That's nice you're helping them through their disabilities they can't go run to the doctor's like us they need us pretty bad. During my windows I'm finding myself playing with them more and talking to them and enjoying the time.

[mirage]

@RusTWYes, we have to keep our lives as normal as we can. I keep thinking that by doing that, our brains will say, "I remember this" and our bodies will start to click again and the neurons in our brains will make the connections needed to get out bodies back to homeostasis and balance. 

 

One thing I noticed this week is that my sleep pattern is changing. I was having difficulty in falling asleep and then would wake and toss and turn. For the past 5 days, I have fallen asleep pretty quickly. However, I am still getting that 4am cortisol wake up. But I can take a half a benedryl and fall back asleep pretty quickly. Still having those weird dreams though. They clearly happen around the cortisol spike because I always wake up in the middle of one. One day, I am going to have to set my alarm again in order to wake up. Never thought I would wish for that but I am. Oh to appreciate the simple things again. I won't take any of it for granted. 

 

Are you working tonight? 

 

[mirage]

@RusTWPlay and love on those animals. They are precious!

[RusTW]

 I have to laugh at how crazy it gets sometimes one of the dogs is super blind so he howls in the middle of the night until you cover him up or pay attention to him. I'd imagine his anxieties about 10 times worse than ours. CBD treats seem to help him out a little bit calm down. Now that you mentioned it I noticed that my sleep is changing also I'm tired in the morning when I wake up. It's strange because I'm conscious during my dreams and I'm aware when something is off in my thinking during my dream and then I catch myself and will wake up or the dream will change. It'll be nice when we dream that we're normal again and wake up normally. You're right acceptance of this condition makes it easier to deal with. I have to go into work in a couple hours today I'm trying to stay a little busy I'm feeling mild anxiety. How are you feeling now are you still dizzy

[mirage]

@RusTWDogs are the best! I tried CBD oil but I didn't see any difference for me. I hear it is great for some people though. It is wonderful it helps the dog. Dogs can power through anything. They are amazing.

 

Finished running my errands and getting ready to head to dinner to meet my brother and sister in law. I am dizzy as can be! This is a bad wave. Not letting up at all. I'm going to get through dinner and hit one more errand then call it a night. The grocery shopping is going to have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry family. 

 

I understand what you say about the dreams. I feel like I am not quite asleep either, when I have them. Just can't wait to have a normal system again! Please God grant us that. 

 

Hope work goes well for you tonight and the anxiety stays away. 

 

[RusTW]

On my way to work now. hope your night goes good tonight. I guess we could just make all this exciting because we never know what's going to happen next. Let me know how your night goes.

[mirage]

@RusTWThank you. 

 

We met my brother and sister in law for dinner and it was rough. The dizziness got worse and I became pretty nauseas. I wasn't able to eat much. Just drank a lot of water. We ran an errand on the way home and I jumped into my pjs and am watching tv. 

 

I need to be better about self care. I always feel like there is something to do. I'm not good at sitting around and doing nothing much. 

Another reason this journey is so hard. I am an on the go person. All of these symptoms have put the brakes on and I don't know how to take it easy.

 

Normally I would feel better later in the night but last night that didn't happen and it's not getting better tonight either. Ugh!

 

Hope you have a good night at work. 

 

Prayers for health

[RusTW]

I'm not too great so far .the nausea is back .I got dizzy a few times while I was outside.its super humid here with smoke so its hard to breath .its strange how it comes and goes.it slows me Down too sometimes. hope your feeling better .I been drinking tons of water too.I need some ginger ale that always works.

[Rabe]

Hope you feel better Mirage!   I too was someone who was on the go all day long...and now like a screeching halt!  It is so hard...Im sorry.  But you are still working and do so much is spite of everything...so inspiring!  💜

[Rabe]

@RusTWHope you feel better as well RusTW...

[Rabe]

@RusTWThe humidity and heat can dehydrate easily...take it easy..

[RusTW]

Thanks Rabe -been drinking lots of water.I feel better now.I think the half of cup of coffee this morning did it.I been trying to decrease the caffeine slowly.when I have it only in the mornings and dilute it right away with 2 bottles of water.today I didn't feel good too wired.

[mirage]

@RabeThank you. 

 

This journey is crazy difficult. It for sure tries to stop us from living life but we just can't let it. I do what I can do but, boy, it is hard. These symptoms make us so very sick. It is impossible to ignore them. 

 

How are you doing? Hope making some progress? 

 

Prayers 

[mirage]

@RusTWHope work went well last night and symptoms stayed away. Must be hard to be outside with the fires and smoke. Do you have a day off today?

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you, Mirage.  I hope you feel better soon. -R

[mirage]

@RosettaI was just thinking of you and was going to see how you are doing? Thank you for contacting me. 

 

Struggling through a new wave that started Friday night. It is a little different but REALLY rough! The dizziness is awful but a different awful then it has been. Also, my sleep pattern is changing. I'm praying all of these changes, although very difficult, are healing and moving me in the right direction. Did your waves change? I keep thinking they are going to change for the better but they are still strong. 

 

If you can shed any light on the waves/windows that would be great. I know you are 4 months ahead of me in your journey and wondering how things are for you?

 

Prayers and hugs

[Rosetta]

Yes, all the changes are good signs.  They may feel scary.  They might increase anxiety, but tell yourself that is not the correct response -- it's just fake anxiety, and it will pass.  Any change in your symptoms, thoughts, and sleep are signs of changes happening in the brain.  Sometimes those changes make you feel better and sometimes they don't - for a while.  Overall, you are getting closer to WD being finished!

[mirage]

@RosettaTHANK YOU! It is so helpful and hopeful to hear this. I do tell myself that is it healing but my last few waves have been brutal. I am much better than I was at this time last year and many of those early symptoms are gone but the ones that remain are, I feel, the toughest. Are yours that way as well? 

 

My husband and I are supposed to be taking a trip in a couple of weeks. I went on one 3 months into this journey and it was awful! Spent most of the time sitting in my hotel room. Not sure what on earth I was thinking! I know I can go and I can't let this control me or my life and living has to go on. But, I don't want to sit in the hotel room again for days. Of course, maybe I won't? Maybe I will get a beautiful window? Oh, what to do...what to do. Have you taken any trips? 

[Rosetta]

The last trip I took was about a year before I quit Zoloft.  We used to go every year.  Now, everyone is waiting for me to get well.  I enjoyed that trip part of the time and there were bad times, too.  It wasn't horrible, but I was having what I thought were severe hormonal disturbances with my emotions.  Now, of course, I know it was Tachyphylaxis or WD of some sort.

 

Yes, the symptoms that hang around for me are anxiety and dystonia.  Today, however, I'm having a hormone issue that has me very, very depressed.  It's really deep and came on suddenly after breakfast.  The dystonia is getting worse.  

 

I'm going to the beach anyway!  Maybe it will get better.

[RusTW]

Mirage - I made it.Stormy like the weather last night. It was super hot half the day and then ended up raining turning into muggy smoke. I was feeling a lot of anxiety and then the nausea hit me in the evening . went away by the time I went to bed. I'm learning not to anticipate what's going to happen with the sickness because it you never know it could just go away from time to time. Are you still getting the dizzy spells. I guess we just have to go with each moment and day that we have . it so hard to predict anything

[RusTW]

Rosetta-I hope you feel better today.The beach sounds fun.Moment to moment sometimes.Things will improve for ya.

 

[RusTW]

I've been planning on going camping since the beginning of Summer and I haven't because of my withdrawal symptoms. I see everybody else going with their campers and they're boats and I get frustrated because I've held back from it. I'm not going to let this happen anymore on my next days off I'm going to at least go out to the lake.

[mirage]

@RusTWGlad to hear you made it through the work night and the nausea went away. Ugh, these symptoms!

 

Yes, we have to go on with our plans and with life. Even though things aren't ideal, I think it is important. I will have to fly on my trip in a couple of weeks and the dizziness is just so incredibly awful. I am a little worried about the air pressure causing more dizziness. But, if I don't go, I won't know. Just can't escape this dizzy. It is relentless and so challenging. Nothing I can do about it. Just have to let it be and go one as best I can.

 

You should go camping. See how  you do. Maybe just an overnight? 

[RusTW]

 I'm going to do my best to go out there and go camping no matter how bad I feel. Symptom city today though. I have a sore throat sore neck dizziness nausea now anxiety depression hard to breathe. I pictured myself encapsulated in a big piece of ice the normal me inside and I have a small ice pick just picking away everyday in the old me inside their can see me trying to get at it. Then the progress freezes overnight and then it's Groundhog Day again. I have to try to use my superpowers to melt a block of ice from the inside . sure is hard though.

[mirage]

@RusTWI'm sorry about all of the symptoms you are having. It is crazy how bad they can get. One day they will be gone...completely! 

 

I like your analogy of the ice and picking your way out. Keep chopping at the ice. 

 

Just got back from the grocery store. I should have done it yesterday but just only had enough strength to get through a few things. Now that I am back, I'm going to do a little house cleaning and then relax. The dizziness has let up, just slightly. It is bad as ever. How can some symptoms remain so awful and strong?! 

[mirage]

@RosettaI'm sorry for all the symptoms you are having but I really admire your strength to go to the beach and push through. You are a great example to your daughter. 

 

As of now, I am planning on the trip. I still have 2 weeks so if we need to cancel, we will do it at the last minute. If I was driving I would absolutely go but the flight concerns me with the dizziness. I have never been an anxious flyer and I am not anxious to fly. Anxious about the dizziness and occasional vertigo I've had with it. But, I will never know unless I go. 

 

Hope your symptoms became less and you had a good day at the beach. I went to the grocery store. Not much fun but a necessity. 

 

Prayers and hugs

[RusTW]

 I'm glad the dizziness let up for you and you were able to get out and do some stuff. I had about 1/8 of a cup of coffee and I think that that's what started this. I've been trying to reduce it everyday or every other day so I'm caffeine free but it's hard. TGIF for me today. I do pretty good on my days off symptom wise. It's strange because the nausea feeling changed it used to be like a brutal gut-wrenching nausea and now it just seems like a constant nagging . not as extreme now thank God. The anxieties the same way it's not raging anxiety where you feel so nervous you don't know what to do it's just like a constant uneasiness in my stomach kind of like impending doom is coming. It's about to storm here so I don't hope I don't feel that weather symptom thing again that was really strange yesterday everything was changing along with the weather. Just got to make it past the first few hours at work and then I'm usually okay cuz I'm so busy. I work with the younger generation so they keep me on my toes. I still have to be cool exciting and fun for them also while I'm working. They keep me motivated

[mirage]

@RusTWFriday for you! That is a good thing. It is good that the younger generation is keeping you on your toes. I get that with my kids. We have a lot of fun and all them are very close and close with us. We have always vacationed to really great places every summer. We haven't the past 2 because of this dang journey I am on. Next year just has to be different and better for all of us here. Right?! 

 

I know I am better than I was at this time last year. So it can only get better and better. 

 

Hope work goes well and then you can relax on your time off. 

 

Prayers

[RusTW]

 I used I used to have it all together I could take trips be spontaneous optimistic workout 4 hours sleep take big naps . so it's quite an adjustment to learn to live this way now. I've always been on the go too so it's been hard putting on my brakes to during this also. I was always a big planner to getting things ready ahead of time and taking care of stuff. Now I just improv everything I do which is okay. I spend less time thinking about what I'm going to do and I just do it. Prior to all this happening I was so focused on details and planning things that I didn't really do that much now I've realized that. There are many positive things that's going to come from this I've already made so many changes. Thanks for your support it sure helps out.

[mirage]

@RusTWI love that you can already see positives coming out of this. I see them too. I was never a relaxer. I crammed in as much as I could in a day and then some. Never got much sleep and had coffee or tea several times a day to keep me up and alert. 

 

I'm learning how important sleep and self care are and living in the, here and now. Lots of learning to be done. I am open to it. 

 

The support we all have for each other is much needed. No one can understand how difficult this is unless you put on the shoes and take the walk and I do not wish this on anyone. I thank you, as well, for all of your support. It is going to be so amazing when we all get to write our success stories! 

[RusTW]

Getting ready for work now. I was thinking about that earlier how it will be when we recover I won't forget everybody who helped me through this. I hope when that day comes that I can offer some advice and inspiration to other people who are new to this and we can look back and think about how we made it through it. I'll check in later with you and let you know how I'm doing and to see how you're doing.

[mirage]

@RusTWI agree, we will be able to give hope to many more once we get through our journeys. It will be a wonderful feeling to give hope to others. 

 

 

[RusTW]

Everything calmed down except my throat hurts and neck.I've had the throat thing for many months.it comes and goes.it feels like a sore throat but the neck gets sore too.I've seen 2 different ent doctors had 2 laryngoscopy with biopsy .the only thing that showed up was inflammation from acid reflux.I also had 3 endoscopy last year same deal inflammation.I think its side effects from the psych meds.my neck and shoulders get very stiff also.never had this before.I was scared I had throat cancer.which added more anxiety.I eat very good now .no reflux.after taking cipro 1000 mg a day for a month I developed a systematic yeast infection.took many months to get rid of.it weakened my gut and immune system.that's what I think made me so sensitive to the psych meds.that was beginning of last year.every time I ate I thought I was going to choke.Esophagitis .it felt like that for a while I couldn't eat much only purree.When I did eat real food I would be ready to go to the er.I went from 185 to 159 lbs in short time.then enter zyprexa .was already on 1mg of ativan .it was nice at first because I was able to put lbs on.a little too much.my lbs shot up to 212 lbs in months.I'm glad that is behind me.

[mirage]

@RusTWI'm sorry that happened to you. What a snowball of bad med side effects. I have read and heard about cipro. It is very strong and not good to be on it for long. I have always been one of those people that is the 1%. If there is a side effect or if it can happen, it usually happens to me. I have always and still laugh about it and anyone who knows me, knows this too and laughs with me. So I guess it should be no surprise that this happened to me. I am the statistic. The side effects and the issues with prescription meds is a real thing. I have always had problems taking any meds at all. Since this all started I have a dr that did some genetic testing and it turns out I am a very slow metabolizer of meds. That explains it. 

 

Had a small window this evening from the dizziness. It didn't go away completely but it got lighter and that was a great feeling. 

 

Hope your night at work went well.