mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[RusTW]

Good deal I'm happy for you with window open.The dizzy threw me off.I had that yesterday and today.a real challenge .I have always been sensitive to every kind of drug also.I'm not surprised either.I thought I was going to die last year .was my worst ever.When they put me on diflucan a super powerful anti fungal that gave me Candida die off.a bad situation where you kill the Candida too fast and it releases its numerous toxic chemicals that make you super sick .I messed up during that time and cold turkey the ativan 1mg for a week.didn't sleep at all with unbearable anxiety and body pain.I was sure I was dying and losing it.I ended up in the er.they reinstated ativan1mg in a hour much better.I tapered it to get off.another w/d nightmare.the combo of the die off and w/d was horrendous.

[Carmie]

Hi Mirage, 

Im so glad you have so many animals. Animals certainly are a good distraction while going through withdrawals. I love animals so much. I live in a flat so I only have a cat, but we have birds that come to be fed every day, four kookaburras, magpies, butcher birds, myna birds etc etc. We feed them mince. 

 

I went to Australia Zoo the other weekend too n had the best time there looking at the animals. I loooove the meerkats, they are the most adorable creatures ever!

 

One of my friends sent me a photo of her new puppy, so cute. He looked like a walking soft toy😍.

 

Keep enjoying the beautiful animals you have 💚

 

 

 

 

[mirage]

@RusTWSo you had a year of being ill and now you have this. You are staying strong. 

 

The dizziness does throw  you off. Not something that can be ignored and, for me, it causes nausea. It's like being on a carnival ride and never getting off. I do not like carnival rides! That spinning was all fun when I was much younger, now...NO WAY!

 

I was actually feeling okay with minor dizziness when I went to bed last night but, as in true fashion with this journey, I woke up to strong symptoms this morning. I wonder why some of us seem to improve later in the evenings but wake up to the awful again the next morning?

 

 

[mirage]

@CarmieThank you for contacting me. 

 

I love animals too. If I could have my way, I would buy land and have lots of animals. I spent year volunteering for a rescue here. That is how I inquired all of my fur friends. My friends think I am a smidge crazy with so many but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I joke with those friends about getting a pig. My husband doesn't laugh because he knows that if I could, I would. I have looked into that and you can train them just like a dog and they are great pets. Mine would have to be an inside pig. lol. 

 

How are your doing?

[RusTW]

Mirage= good morning _I was out of bed by 8 this morning.I was lucky no symptoms.it feels good to be up earlier.its supposed to rain here later so I'm trying to get my workout and shopping done by noon.I hope your symptoms fade.I'm learning they are so hard to predict.The good thing is the windows. ☺so ya never know.I do feel like I'm healing gradualy.I was thinking this is our challenge to learn to live with this so we can be live happy without being medicated.

 

[mirage]

@RusTWGood morning. Hurray for you to wake up with no symptoms! That is fabulous news! 

 

I can't wait for that day when I wake up and feel good again. I have groundhog day, every morning. Sounds like you guys could use the rain there so that is good news as well. 

 

Yes, hard to predict anything with this. I'm not sure if anything, actually makes waves worse or if they would come and be bad no matter what you do or don't do. I'm thinking they just come anyway as the body heals. We are healing. 

 

There are many lessons learned here and much of life to be elated about. Things that we took for granted before are now wonderful! Waking up early and feeling good. Having to set an alarm. Eating healthy. Enjoying the moment. Learning to relax, ect. I'm sure we could have the list go on and on when we get through this journey. 

 

I still have to get my work out in. Been doing some house cleaning. 

 

Have a good work out and hope your days stays going well. Hoping you get a huge window. 

[RusTW]

the good thing is some days we get surprised by windows. I didn't expect this window today because I was woken up last night a few times didn't get much sleep. It was strange last night I was watching my thoughts and my emotions right before I fell asleep and I was having small windows and small waves just back-to-back over and over quite a few in a short amount of time that I was paying attention to it. I would have an optimistic thought and feeling followed by a dullness kind of anxiety or depression it's hard to tell what it was but it was kind of a dull doubt feeling. No strange dreams either. I hope you get a good workout in today I remember you saying that you got to go back to work on Tuesday so I hope you have a good day today off.

 

[mirage]

@RusTWIt is so great you are having a good window. I don't think there is any way to gage when we are going to feel good and when we are going to have terrible symptoms. I just think our bodies are going to do what they need to do, when they need to do it, in order to heal. 

 

I am still having those weird dreams and I always wake up in the middle of them. Can sometimes doze back off and then other times, too much anxiety and it keeps me awake. I look forward to that symptom going away and being able to stay asleep. Sleep and waking up still feels so odd. It is weird that my body doesn't know how to feel with sleep. I can tell it is trying to normalize with a sleep pattern. One day, I will get there and all will be well with that too. 

 

I did have a good workout. It was a weight day. I am not pushing it with heavy weights like I use to but I am still getting in a full workout with the same amount of reps, just not as much weight. I do get dizzier while doing exercising but I have learned to just continue on. I do think the good outweighs any bad when it comes to exercising. 

 

We meet friends every Monday for dollar taco night. I am planning on making that and then relaxing for the rest of the night. I do have to work tomorrow and Wednesday and then Thursday, hopefully, I will get the crown on this tooth and...finally, put that behind me! At least then I will have one thing completely healed! 

 

 

[RusTW]

I feel good so far

I'm feeling nervous about it coming back.Trying not to focus on that. preparing for it when it does.it does feel like a wave.I love the ocean waves.Then there is my world now weighing on me a little every time I have to take my day zoloft 50 mg.  50 of seroquel at night.Getting ready for next drop.

[mirage]

@RusTWDon't be nervous. You may not get any symptoms and you will miss out on feeling well. 

 

Ocean waves are great. I guess we should envision that when we get hit with waves.

 

I am totally off of the Remeron and went from 300 to 150 on the Wellbutrin. I am holding at the 150 until I get stable. I was only on the Remeron for 4 months but I know I got withdrawal when I finished the wean. It was a dr recommended wean and was too fast. Was about 3 weeks. Geeze, I had terrible symptoms going on it and terrible going off. All it did was mess up my CNS even more than it already was from the ct back in May of 2017. Looking at this all, it is no wonder my body is so confused! 

 

So you are tapering from 2? If so, continue your wean, slow and steady. You will get there. 

 

 

[RusTW]

I'm trying to do a.balanced taper of both zoloft and seroquel 50 mgs each.I was curious about the zoloft reductions are what's hitting me .they have been about 10 mgs each drop.The mg drops were bigger in the beginning.its been hard because I've been reducing both gradually .I'm holding here now though on both.The lower doses are way more sedating of seroquel.The zoloft amps me up .

Q:what's gonna happen when we are 100% off of them?I guess we are building that bridge.

[mirage]

@RusTWSlow and steady is what i'm seeing here. 

 

That is how the Remeron was. My dr put me on that to help with sleep and to help gain weight because I was losing weight like crazy. I was losing weight because I had the most severe nausea from the withdrawal. Found out, too late, that I was having withdrawal so the addition of the Remeron only made things worse. Why is it that drs can't see this?! The more my dr increased the dose, the worse I got until I said, "enough" and insisted on going off. My dr kept wanting me to switch and try other meds but I had an intuition that was telling me "no". So I didn't. I thank God today for that. Who knows where I would be today if I had done that! 

 

You haven't been on the meds for very long so, hopefully, you will recover quickly. 

[RusTW]

Its a good thing you didn't take more meds.My doctor did the same thing.She thought that the meds were the best thing for me. they were prescribed for insomnia and anxiety.The doses were high.then when i was sleeping good and was on zyprexa 10mg she decided to switch to seroquil 100mg to 200 mg per night.Now i think the zoloft added and is adding to the anxiety now.I dont ever think it helped.

[mirage]

@RusTW Just got back from taco night with family and friends. Beautiful weather here so we sat outside. Had an okay day but started feeing bad late this afternoon and the dizziness set in...of course. I'm for sure entered into another wave. I stuck it out and enjoyed the evening but felt so crummy. I want to be able to truly enjoy things again.

 

The adding and changing of these meds makes things so much worse and the drs think they will help. I think for the majority of people, they help but there is this minority, us, that it makes us sicker. 
 

The dizziness I have now has changed. I feel like I am in motion when i'm sitting perfectly still. I have to get up and walk around. I feel it less than when I just sit still. It is so difficult and the feeling of motion brings on nausea. This is tough.

 

 

[RusTW]

Mirage- its good that you got out seems like you had a good day.sorry you feel that again.I know what mean when you say that symptoms are changing.  dizziness and nausea can come and go.when your going thrue it feels like its never ending . I feel nausea free now.I was out most of the day.I ate a lot of good food today.I gave my body some good nutrients.I hope this window will last a while.I feel blessed to have them.The weather is nice here now.It finally cooled down.the heat adds to the w/d .

[mirage]

@RusTWGood morning. So wonderful you are having a good window. Who knows, maybe this will be forever. Maybe your journey will be behind you. One day that will happen. This could be for you. 

 

I am struggling today. This new dizziness is really making things difficult. I have to work later today into the early evening. However, only about 4 or 5 hours. So I should be able to get through it okay. 

 

I also noticed my sleep pattern is, again, changing. I was falling asleep pretty easily but waking around 4am. The past few nights I have had trouble falling asleep. Had to take 1mg of melatonin and an hour later, a half of a benedryl. The good news, I have been sleeping until around 6/630. I am also noticing less anxiety. It is still there but not as intense. So changes are happening. I have to keep telling myself that while feeling this dizziness. 

 

Hope your day goes well and you stay in that window. 

[mirage]

Was wondering if anyone/moderators, can shed some light on the waves and windows. I have not had a window free of symptoms. 

 

In the past 2 weeks, I have been in a really, rough wave. My worst symptom is and has always been, dizziness. I have noticed that it has changed. I always feel like I am moving when I'm not. Also, my sleep pattern is changing. It has never gone back to normal but it is clearly changing. 

 

I guess i'm wondering if anyone has had waves where the symptoms are the same but different? Also I am 13 months into this and these waves are worse than ever. Again, has anyone experienced this? 

 

I am assuming this is healing and that symptoms have to change in order to get better. I just thought my waves would get easier but they aren't. Maybe I am still too early in recovery? 

 

Praying for recovery for all. Boy...what a journey!

[Scorpio]

Hi mirage

 

im 12 months into w/d although still taking 1mg cipralex/lexapro. My wave started beginning of July the same time as yours and I have never had a full window .  I had the best 5 days just before this wave, not free of symptoms but better, interest in life and in things I had been unable to expend energy in like my garden. I am still not able to socialise except with close family. 

 

‘’This is the longest and worst wave I have had, yesterday a small window of being able to get out. Today as bad as ever. Anxiety has always been my worst symptom but the dizziness you have has faded for me - fingers crossed. 

 

Heres hoping we both see a true  window soon 

[RusTW]

Hi Mirage- good to know the anxiety is better.I have been having issues falling asleep and staying asleep. I feel really tired today like I did too much yesterday I'm going to have to take it easy today. I do feel mild nausea but maybe that's from the coffee that I drank I just had a small cup but not feeling too good. I find if I lay around after waking up it's just better to get up and get moving. I hope this nausea feeling Fades today. are you still feeling nausea with the dizziness.

[Junglechicken]

20 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi mirage

 

im 12 months into w/d although still taking 1mg cipralex/lexapro. My wave started beginning of July the same time as yours and I have never had a full window .  I had the best 5 days just before this wave, not free of symptoms but better, interest in life and in things I had been unable to expend energy in like my garden. I am still not able to socialise except with close family. 

 

‘’This is the longest and worst wave I have had, yesterday a small window of being able to get out. Today as bad as ever. Anxiety has always been my worst symptom but the dizziness you have has faded for me - fingers crossed. 

 

Heres hoping we both see a true  window soon 

 

Scorpio,

 

i can relate re: not being able to socialise unless with certain people.

 

hi mirage - welcome to the forum, and I'm so sorry you are suffering this badly.

 

i have noticed symptoms morph over the months, and i took my last dose of Lexapro in April.

 

Hang in there, the healing happens very gradually, and so it isn't always noticeable which is very discouraging I know.

 

JC

[RusTW]

 it's good you're getting a little bit more sleeping in the morning. I'm always amazed at how much the symptoms change from day-to-day. Yesterday I felt zero symptoms and today I can feel that uneasy anxiety a little bit with the mild nausea. I'm just hoping that it won't get as intense as it usually does that it's starting to fade a little bit in its strength.

 it's it's really hard not to overdo it during the windows always try to catch up.

[mirage]

@RusTWI hope the nausea gets better for you as the day goes on. I do still get some nausea but only when the dizziness gets bad and I can still eat through it. I never feel like I am actually going to vomit. Just feel queasy. 

 

I started having a little coffee, this week, in the morning. I was a big morning coffee drinker prior to this journey but I only had 1 cup each morning. I would have some green or black tea in the afternoons and I have not introduced that back yet. Still taking the coffee thing slow. 

 

I guess we have to remember that our bodies are so complex and it has the ability to heal itself. The central nervous system is such a huge part of it and there are so many pieces that have to heal. I am trying to keep that in mind. Which I guess, would explain why things are so up and down, hour by hour and day by day.

 

It is funny how the symptoms at night change as constant as the symptoms during the day. This entire journey doesn't give you the opportunity to be weak that's for sure!

 

Take it easy today. Give your body rest. I just finished my workout and I have to work later so I am taking a break in between.

 

 

 

[mirage]

@Scorpio and @Junglechicken Thank you both for responding and shedding some light on this. 

 

This is the toughest journey and it changes hour by hour and day by day. I'm looking forward to having a window that is symptom free. Any window I have had, so far, is still with symptoms, although, they aren't as bad. They also do not last long at all. The longest has been just a couple of hours. I also tend to feel a bit better later at night and I always wake up starting all over and feeling very poorly. 

 

I am able to get out and socialize and I do work part time. However, I am constantly battling the symptoms the entire time and I am not able to truly enjoy it. 

 

I guess I have to remember how complex our bodies are and how much has to heal. I try to think these symptoms as healing and not as being sick but it gives me a challenge! 

 

Do both of you feel like you are healing? I know I am for sure better than I was at this time last year and better than I was 6 months ago but  am far from who I was before this journey began. Junglechicken, you are right about the healing being so slow that it can be discouraging. So true. I have to snap myself out of it some times and remind myself of that. 

 

We will all get there. We will all heal. 

[RusTW]

 that's my biggest worry when I have the nausea is that I'm going to vomit. The weird thing is that I've never vomited yet I don't even think I've been close to . it's just that fear with the nausea. I have this strange fear of rupturing my esophagus. I'm going to keep trying to cut down on the coffee. I think that might be adding to the nausea and anxiety I hate to admit it. I went through that when I was withdrawing from Ativan also I was super sensitive to caffeine. I made my next cut yesterday on my Zoloft I drop 10mg so we'll see how I feel it within the next few days or however long it will take the withdraws 2 show itself if it does.

[mirage]

@RusTW When you feel the nausea, try and tell yourself that nothing has ever happened, so it won't. There is no reason you would vomit at this point when you never have before. I do sympathize with you though. It is hard. 

 

I'll say a prayer that your drop in meds won't cause any new, or worsening, symptoms. 

 

Are you off today?

[RusTW]

 I used to have coffee and energy drinks all day long. I would also use pre-workout supplements but now the amp me up too much. It seems like anything that stimulating antagonizes the nausea.

[RusTW]

Yes I'm off.happy about that.doing light workout now. That's what I've always been wondering is if the nausea would just get worse as things progress but it hasn't so you're right about that. Sometimes I have the fear that this is just the beginning of my symptoms because it's fresh and that they'll just get worse. It's a anticipation thing that's always challenging. But I think this applies to life in general we just can't go there. To the what ifs.

[mirage]

@RusTWI have never tried any energy drinks but never had any ramp up with coffee or tea. In fact, I could have either just before bed time and it would never effect my sleep. I never had a sensitive system in any way before this. Now, I introduce anything, one at a time and at the lowest possible dose. Everything seems to affect me. 

 

You are right about trying not to worry about the symptoms. Live in the moment and go  with what makes you happy and do what you feel like you can do. Take the symptoms, if they come, as they come. Working out and keeping busy is healthy for the brain and aids in the healing as well. 

[RusTW]

I'm getting a wave of anxiety now.It's very strong.Feal very nervous.At home now.

[RusTW]

This anxiety is terrible.

[mirage]

@RusTWSorry about that. Hang in there and I will hope it passes or eases for you. 

 

I'm working and waiting for my next client to get here. I have about 2 more hours to get through. 

 

I'll touch base with you when I finish. 

 

prayers

[Justcope]

Hi there. 

Ive just has a few months of feeling mostly normal with some hightened emotions here and there. I still consider this a window because I was living my (almost) normal life. 

I had this false hope that I was good. But that was silly. I’m in full wave right now. My worst symptoms are anxiety and bad sleep. They both exacerbate the other. It’s so discouraging that I want to take the evil pills again. I’m about 5 months in to tapering. I’m on 5mg lexapro and stuck here. 

During a wave I always come here. I always need reminding that this is part of the process. I’ve seen that this can go on for some time from what I’ve seen from others on here. 

Try remember the stable times. They do come back. It might not feel like it at times (it reeeealy doesn’t feel like it for me right now) but my daily motto is “it’ll pass”. 

[RusTW]

Thanks = I didn't think it would come back so intense.I think I'm trying to do too much.I need to slow down .My body felt tired today.I didn't listen.I'm gonna Try to lay and rest.I forget how locked into I can get.Definitely no more caffeine.

[mirage]

@RusTWJust finished with my last client. Hurray!

I'm finding that my waves are super strong. They are slightly different but just as debilitating and troublesome. We need to keep reminding ourselves that this is healing and there are so many parts to this process. Slow and steady. 

[RusTW]

It came and went already.That was weird. That was a different kind of anxiety. It felt more like an anxiety attack. It was very intense. My heart was racing and I had shallow breathing my body was numb and my thoughts were racing super fast. Now I feel fine for the most part very strange. It hit me out of nowhere

[mirage]

@JustcopeThank you for responding and shedding some light on the windows and waves. 

 

It is great that you had such an amazing window. I haven't had a window free of symptoms yet. I am 13 months into my journey. I am looking forward to having a window where I, finally, feel somewhat normal. That will be glorious!!!!!

 

You are right about bad sleep and anxiety exasperating each other. I feel like that with all of my symptoms. The more the anxiety, the more severe my symptoms and the more symptoms, the higher the anxiety. Such a catch 22. I rarely notice windows when I am in them. I usually realize it when a wave comes and the symptoms get so bad. My worse symptoms are dizziness and anxiety. My sleep is getting better but, definitely not there and my sleep pattern is changing with this wave. I guess it all has to change as healing is happening. 

 

With so much to have to heal, I need to continue to be patient. One day at a time. 

 

Hope this wave ends quickly for you. Prayers and healing.