mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[mirage]

@RosettaThank you for responding. I look forward to some normalcy with sleep and, gosh...everything. It will be so amazing when we regain our lives! 

 

How are you doing? I keep you in my prayers. 

[RusTW]

 hi Mirage I knew you were out there having a good day. I'm so glad it went well for you today I was hoping it would. That's great you got out there to help your niece I'm sure she was happy to have your support. I'm at work now I feel pretty okay tonight. I had a pretty hard morning though. Today I had to force myself to get out of bed because I didn't sleep much last night. I knew it would be foolish to try it so I just got up did my walk very easy today did a light workout came home. Since I've been walking at the park I made some friends there Canadian geese since they were babies there was 5 of them now I can only find one the rest kind of blended into the crowd so I sat with him for a while he likes to sit there and talk to me and sit close . some days I get bummed out when I can't find them. I hope you have a good night sleep and I'll talk to you later. Glad to hear from you

[Rosetta]

I'm glad you had a good day, mirage.

[mirage]

@RosettaHi friend. Thank you for contacting me back. 

 

I can tell my sleep is changing. I'm thinking it is trying to normalize and get back to being able to shut the cns down and truly sleep. I feel like, right now, my body just rest but not my brain. 

 

I have tried melatonin and that has helped get me to sleep but not stay asleep. I always end up having to take a half of a Benadryl and that helps as well, but again, doesn't keep me asleep. 

 

I am getting better. This journey requires so much patience and waiting. Like I read on all of the success stories...time.

 

How are you doing?

 

Hugs and prayers

 

 

[mirage]

@RosettaThank you. It was a beautiful day wedding dress shopping with my niece. It was just the girls in the family, so, my sister in law (my nieces mom), my other 2 nieces (the bride to be's sisters), their grandmother and my daughter. I am very close to my nieces so this was a special day. I can't believe this, once little girl, is now getting married! We love her fiancé so our family is getting a wonderful addition. At the end of the day, she said "YES" to a dress. She looks amazing in it and I can't be more excited for her. It is times like these that it is so fun being a girl! You have a daughter, right? Is she a girlie girl? I have 1 daughter and 3 boys. All are grown. Our oldest is married and our baby is 19. My daughter is 23 and she is a girlie girl for the most part but she does like her yoga pants and no make up. lol

[RusTW]

Hi Mirage- I was lazy bones today and just laid around since I didn't sleep the night before last. I slept about 4 hours last night. How are you doing today. I'm okay I just have little symptoms today. I have kind of excited feeling hopefully it's not going to manifest into anxiety. Getting ready to go take my walk and workout. That's nice that you had a good day out yesterday. It's a good sign about your sleep.

[mirage]

@RusTWGood that you are having a relaxed day and that your symptoms are staying low. It is really hard for us to heal since we can't get much sleep and we cant get the deep sleep that we need. 

 

You mentioned that you have that excited feeling and you are hoping it doesn't manifest into anxiety. I look forward to the day we can have regular excitement back. Things these days that I would normally be excited about, give me a feeling of anxiousness instead of just excitement. I just think our cns and brain are so confused and it is all trying to figure out the normal so it fires off signals that are mixed and confusing and that aren't right. 

 

I'm having a pretty relaxed day. Did some laundry this morning and a little cleaning and just finished working out. I have to cut a couple of my kids hair today and then I am done for the day. 

 

So far my day has not been too bad. Had a okay morning and symptoms are coming and going. Not sure if this is going to turn into a full blown wave. We shall see. I pray not. One day the waves will no longer come and we will be back to being balanced and whole. 

 

Happy Sunday friend. Hope it treats you well. 

 

[Rosetta]

My daughter is not as girly as some.  She's more interested in doing things than what she wears.  She's usually attracted to the strong no-nonsense female character in books and shows.  She doesn't seem to care about what she wears most of the time, but she does like pretty dresses.  She likes clothes and barretts that sparkle, and she's very excited to be getting two "flip sequin" T-shirts.  The sequins are different colors on each side and are sewn so that she can run her hand across them and make them flip to the opposite side.  This changes the color of the unicorn or cat that is made from sequins.  Apparently, she was the "only" girl in first grade last year who didn't have a "flipsy!"

 

I'm really glad you had that special day with your family, mirage.

[mirage]

@RosettaI think I would like a "flipsy". Heck, my brain feels like a flipsy most of the time! Your daughter sounds perfect. So much to love! 

 

Are you doing okay?

[RusTW]

Hey Mirage I was having problems with my temporary crown and I was thinking about you yesterday. The dental stuff can really affect the way you feel. I remember you saying that you didn't blame the dentist for what happened to you and it made me feel more at peace about my docters and how they prescribed my medication. Thanks for being an inspiration for forgiveness I think that's a part of our growth.

[mirage]

@RusTW Thank you.

 

Yes, we have to forgive. If we hold anger it only keeps us ill and bitter. We have to move forward with our thinking. So it isn't what happened to us. It is what are we going to do about it and how are we going to handle it. A positive attitude and gratitude for what we do have in our lives is the best way to go. You sound like a positive person. You make the best of bad days and the awful symptoms and that will get you further than dwelling and anger. You are going to be healed before you know it. 

 

It is a rainy dreary day here and for the first time, in a long time, I am actually feeling a bit tired. It is a different tired. I'm hoping this is part of my sleep pattern trying to regain normal. Yearning for normalcy in every way. I know you are too. We are both going to get there. 

[RusTW]

 what's happening with your sleep pattern sound like you're getting better. It sounds like you're early bird naturally but I'll be happy when you tell me you slept in until 10 a.m.

 

[RusTW]

Lol  I was going to videotape myself in the morning to see if I'm really sleeping or not what's happening.

[mirage]

@RusTW Well, here is the short version of a long story. Ten years ago my mom passed from cancer. She was the caregiver for my Aunt, her sister, and my dad, because he was ill too. When my mom passed, I was left to care for the elders. That said, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I had to get up at 5am to take my dad to dialysis. On the other days, I would get up around 6:30/7. All days, I would have to set an alarm in order to wake up. Both elders lived in an independent living facility but neither were driving any longer. I cared for them for the past 10 years, non stop. My Aunt passed away in March of 2017 at the age of 96. It was very sad as her husband died young and they never had any children. However, there was a, selfish relief on my part, because I was overwhelmed with caring for the two of them for so long. Since this journey started, I could no longer take care of my dad so I am paying someone to help me out with him. 

 

All of that said, I have no reason to be an early bird, well...except for this darn cortisol. It likes to intervene. So here is what is happening with my sleep pattern. For a while, I was able to fall asleep pretty quickly with 1mg of melatonin but would wake up at the 4am spike. The anxiety would kick in right away. Also, I would wake up in the middle of those weird dreams. It was at that point I would take the half of Benadryl and be able to fall back asleep. Now, I am having trouble falling asleep, even though I take the 1mg of melatonin. I am ending up taking the Benadryl right away with the melatonin. However, I am sleeping in a smidge later, until around 6. I am also not waking with the anxiety that I had just a couple of weeks ago. Also, I was not able to doze once the cortisol spiked. Now, I am able to doze a bit. Still having the odd dreams though. Also, my anxiety during the day has been milder. 

 

All of that said, I am praying that the less anxiety means less cortisol and that would lead to my cns being able to relax and sleep. I am chuckling about your idea of taping yourself to see if you are asleep. Not a bad idea. I think we are asleep just not getting the rem sleep. Which, is what we need for our bodies to heal.

 

[RusTW]

Mirage sorry for the loss of your mom and your aunt. That was nice of you to take care of them in their later years. They need us when they get older. I moved away from my hometown when I was younger and lived in the big city for about 22 years and I was hit by a car there prior to me moving back to my hometown I had to wait in the city there for about a year to get my settlement and get my medical things done and at the end of that time I found out my dad had cancer and I had to move back home so I could help out. After he passed I had to take on the responsibility of my mom's financial issues and the property and her health and currently I'm staying with my sister to help my mom out because they live close to each other. I think that going through all the stress of these changes is what brought my anxiety out which led me to the medications. Prior to these events I was always okay as far as anxiety and depression goes

[mirage]

@RusTW

I'm very sorry to hear about all that you have gone through. It is great that you are there to help. 

 

I have wondered if those of us that battle withdrawal, had week nervous systems due to overloads of stress prior to stopping the meds. I know I was under extreme stress taking care of the two elders while still raising my children and working. I truly felt like I was handling everything well. Could it be our bodies way of telling us that we cant handle any more? Did it take this to get us to slow down and rethink things in life? 

[RusTW]

Yes I think so we overloaded ourselves.I think the meds were the breaking point.I do also agree about getting us to slow down.its all connected.After my Dad passed I took on too much.As you know it's hard watching someone die from cancer sorry for that.

[RusTW]

 I think it's good that we learned that though because we will pay special attention to our self care now and not ever let it happen again or get on the meds.

[mirage]

@RusTW I was not good at setting boundaries. I have always been a high energy person so I would always take on more and more, always feeling like I could handle it. I guess it took this big wake up call to get me to understand. I have always been strong but apparently the body is telling us to slow down. 

 

I think, for me, I had the perfect storm. Under a lot of stress for 10 years, both physically and mentally, taking care of so many. My aunt passing and then the ct off the med. My cns was probably in a weak state and going off the med just made it crash completely. 

[RusTW]

I'm the same.I rarely say no especially to my family.I was working a lot plus the stress.I just got my settlement so I was generous to those around but I was worring about my own future.I left everything I knew to go back to my hometown.I kind of lost myself helping everyone.I felt very alone when I crashed.I have always had the good life.The fit body -friends-good jobs lived close to the beach. so I was a fish out of water in my hometown.I love the outdoors so I've gotten used to it now.

 

[mirage]

@RusTWIt is good that you are back and into a new groove and I am sure your family is happy you are back. Our oldest is married and lives in another state. We miss them so much. It is fun to go visit them but there is nothing like having your family near by. 

 

Sounds like you have a close relationship so that will help in your healing as well. 

 

This journey is going to help us see clearer and have a better understanding of ourselves. We are going to get healthier and all of the positive energy is going to manifest into great things. 

[RusTW]

You were taking on a lot.Wow with kids - marriage -and Your Mom Dad and your Aunt plus Life.That's a lot of Stress.Now I know why your so strong.

[RusTW]

Yes I believe that too Mirage.It will come together someday.

[mirage]

@RusTW Good morning. Checking in to see how your nights sleep was? I had a rough night. Nothing worked for me last night. I took the melatonin and then ended up taking the Benadryl but tossed and turned the entire night. Also felt like I was in the conscious state of sleep. But, I didn't truly, fully wake until around 6. I was averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night and now it is about 6. Gaining an hour. It is the slow recover with everything in this journey. My neurologist  describes it like this, "one step forward, 5 back. One step forward, 4 back. One step forward, 3 back. One step forward, 2 back. One step forward, one back then level and normal again. But all of that takes quite a bit of time. 

 

Had the anxiety come back this morning although it is not as bad. Symptoms are with me, but, not as bad. Obviously I had a window and it is inching its way toward a wave. I am praying that the wave will not be too bad. One of these days that will happen. The waves get shorter and less severe and the windows longer and clearer. This is the first window I have had that was pretty good. For sure not my normal, but livable. 

 

I am off work today and getting my baby ready to go back to college. He is heading back this evening for a couple of days for a job interview at the university. He will be back home for about 5 days then we will, officially, move him back. We own the home he will be living in but have to get there to do a few things since our last renter just moved out. It is about a 2 hour drive from our house so we can get it done in a day trip. 

 

Do you have plans for the day? 

[RusTW]

Hi Mirage I had the same problem last night I tossed and turned probably only slept 2 or 3 hours. This is about the third night now I haven't really slept so I'm starting to feel fatigued and I can feel that fogginess in my head.  last night and nausea was really bad.

 

I'm off today so I'm going to try to rest as much as I can try to go to bed tonight super early so I can sleep extra if I can. I'm going to try to get some melatonin today do you think that that helps you. The Seroquel really knocks me out but I wake up throughout the night. So I feel a sedated anxious feeling. That's great that you're sleeping is getting a little bit longer. That's great your son is trying to work where he goes to school.. good encouragement from you that you're helping him out like that getting him ready. 2 hours isn't too far away. I hope you have a good day today. I feel like I might be having a wave coming to. It feels like the nausea is building now along with anxiety. Last night the nausea is the worst it's been. I'm going to walk and work out today hopefully it'll just exhaust me to where I pass out tonight

[mirage]

@RusTW So, so much has to heal. Just us talking about getting sleep back to normal involves a lot in the body. 

 

When you take the Seroquel do you fall asleep right away? I take 1mg of melatonin to get to sleep and was having to take the half of Benadryl around 2am when I would wake up. It was working well until my sleep pattern changed about a week ago. Now I can't seem to get to sleep. I toss and turn. I thought about upping the melatonin but i'm cautious to do that. Last night I tried taking the half of Benadryl before bed and that didn't work either. I had to take another half around midnight. It helped but I never felt like I had any type of deep sleep. It felt more light. I kept waking up. 

 

Working out is a great idea. I think exercise is so beneficial overall, that does help with sleep and helping the body get back to a normal. I think I am a couple of hours ahead of you? I got my work out in for today. Other than packing stuff with my son, I am taking it easy. It is Monday taco night with friends so we do that every Monday for dinner. I'm looking forward to getting back to being able to have a margarita at taco night. I haven't had one since this began. It has been almost 14 months. I'm not a big drinker but I use to have a small one with dinner. For now, it is water with lemon. All day long it is lots and lots of water. Some days I have so much I think I am going to float away!

 

[RusTW]

 I'm taking the 50 mg of Seroquel at night takes about a half an hour to hit me and then it's pretty sedative. I read on here somewhere if you take too much Melatonin that it can amp you up. I have a medication called promethazine 25 mg and it's kind of like Benadryl to knock you out a little bit + it kills it nausea I'm reluctant to take these things I'm afraid it's going to hit the same receptors at the Seroquel is hitting and have an adverse reaction I'm wondering now if my body is adapting to that 50mg and it's just not hitting as hard. When I was on the Ativan had the same effect when I was taking the same milligrams for so long my body just built a tolerance.

[RusTW]

Tacos sound really good. That's a bummer not being able to have the margarita. It's going to take time until we can do everything that we used to do I know that. And then we're going to have to go through the first time again after the withdrawals. I drink tons of water all day too. And then ginger ale and 7UP or my best friends now. Keeping busy with exercise through this has enabled me to lose the weight I wanted to but I wish that my mind would catch up also and I could progress that fast to its really frustrating

[mirage]

@RusTW You are probably right about your body building up a tolerance for the med. That makes sense. You are also right about the melatonin. I can't take too much or it wires me. Again, not something that ever happened to me before this journey. Now, everything is trial and error. I always start out low on everything now. Less seems to be more in our condition. 

 

Probably going to have to take it easy the first time I have a margarita. My poor system won't know what hit it. 

 

It is wonderful that you were able to lose the weight you wanted to lose. It takes a lot of work to stay healthy and in shape. Congratulations to you! That is wonderful! I agree with you about the mind catching up to your healthy body. When you look good, it is hard for anyone to believe you could feel so crappy. But...we do! 

[RusTW]

 thanks Mirage still being on the meds The Zoloft and Seroquel I still have this underline worried that either while I'm on it or tapering it my symptoms are going to get really bad

[mirage]

@RusTWTry not to worry about something that isn't happening yet. You may do just fine. Stay as positive as possible. You are doing great.

 

I am still on Wellbutrin 150 and I am not doing any more tapering until my body is back to normal. At the advice of my neurologist, I am going to stabilize with the current dose then taper, ever so slowly. I have to be completely back to normal and start over with the taper. I am not willing to throw my system off any more than it already is. I need to be whole again. I also spoke about this to my internist and she agrees. I went from Wellbutrin 300 to 150 and went from 30mg of Remeron to zero. So I am off most. It is so very hard for us to do this. 

[mirage]

@Rosetta checking in to see how you are doing? I had, my first pretty good window. It was not symptom free but more manageable. It started Friday night and lasted until mid morning today. ☹️

 

My symptoms did pop in every now and then but I was able to push through. Back in a wave again. 

 

Prayers and hugs

[mirage]

@RusTW The wave is back. Dang it! I felt like it was coming all day today and now, it is here. My friend dizzy has come back.

 

How are you doing?

[RusTW]

Oh I'm there with ya .I crashed today.My anxiety hit hard today.I've just been on the go to avoid it.its amazing how it changes in intensity.thank goodness I'm off today.its more like a aggrivative type of anxiety where I'm getting upset about meaningless stuff.sweating really bad.I'm sorry it came back for us.Hopefully the next window for us is progressing.

[RusTW]

How is the anxiety

[RusTW]

Maybe tacos will set it free lol have a few for me too.I've lost my appetite.when I mentioned loosing weight it's been easy with the nausea and exercise.pretty soon I'm gonna have to add more calories again.I don't want to loose too much now.