mirage tapering from Wellbutrin 150XL

[RusTW]

The anxiety is coming 😰back

[mirage]

@RusTW Maybe try talking to her again and re-explain what you are going through. Let her know you are struggling and you know it won't be forever and that you are improving and if you could change any of this, you would. Let her know this is a very hard journey you are going through and you would give the world for it to go away tomorrow but it takes time. I might also contact the moderators and see if they have any ideas. I would keep the conversation kind and gentle to her and let her know how much you appreciate her and her support. I hope and pray she will feel empathy for you and stay quieter. 

 

The anxiety is coming back with the worry you are having with your sister. It will resolve and work out. Take a deep breath and tell yourself this is not forever. When I talked to my neurologist about my sleep issues and waking early, he said, "just go with it. Don't fret it. Your sleep will come back". 

 

I have my friend dizzy with me this afternoon. I was doing a little better this morning but about an hour ago, boom...here it is. 

 

I am heading to run a few errands and will check back with you when I get back. Are you working?

[RusTW]

 I will try to talk to her about it again. Thanks for that I will go with the flow I don't feel super bad I just I have kind of a foggy head but other than that I don't feel too bad I feel my anxiety revving up a little bit but it's controllable. We just have to go day today I guess thanks for your support. The good thing is it can go away at any time so looking forward to that. You're right it's stress me out the other day too and that's why I will talk to her it's really hard some people just don't get this I hope you have a good day out there I'll talk to you soon

[mirage]

You will be okay friend. Hang in there. I always say to myself "this too shall pass" and it will. Some days, I have to go hour by hour. 

 

A lot of people don't get this because it really isn't common. The majority of people can go on and off of these meds with no, or little, complications. I know several who do it all of the time and never have issues. It is the lucky ones (us) who get to go through this journey. Not sure why but I know we are going to be better in the end and have gained much. Keep the faith. 

[RusTW]

I will be ok Today.Its the down time I feel the worst.it is hour to hour today.I have that excited anxiety now.I hope it settles down.When I start working I get better.Thanks Mirage I hope the dizzy goes away.

 

[RusTW]

Better at work now.hope you feel better too.

[mirage]

@RusTW Good morning. Hope you had a good night at work and hope you are managing today. 

 

Had a busy night with family. Went to dinner and then had everyone over and the kids went and picked up ice cream. The weather has been beautiful here so we were able to sit outside. Had some trouble last night with the dizziness and, sometimes I just feel odd. Hard to explain. 

 

My brother and sister in law who live in Japan, are both doctors. I have held off talking with them about it because I have only confided in a few about this and they are so far away that I just didn't want to get them involved. But,  I had a long talk with my sister in law last night about this and she tells me everything will, eventually go back to normal. She did say there are going to be many ups and downs before everything levels out. It was re- assuring to hear her say that. She also said they have been considering putting one of their kids on a med for adhd. She said that with any medication, of any kind, there is always risk for some people and, unfortunately, even drs can't know how a persons body will react to any med. That said, they are giving great care to putting their child on the med. She did also say, the risk are low for any complications. I think she is right. I think I said this in another one of my post, we are the "lucky" ones who get to battle through this journey. 

 

I feel like you do, with the fact that I do better if I am moving around and staying busy. Even sitting here on my computer, makes my symptoms worse. Just shows that it is important to go on living and try to keep ourselves distracted from these symptoms. 

 

Are you working today?

[mirage]

@RusTW Pretty good wave rolled in this morning. I had a pretty okay nights sleep but after being up for about an hour, symptoms started to roll in. Possibly because I am getting ready for this trip. But, I feel okay about it and I have things pretty ready to go. So no feeling of stress or strain. It is this general, fake anxiety that has come over me. That of course, brings the dizzy with it. 

 

I'm heading downstairs to my gym for my workout. Hoping that will help. Trying to keep in mind that with every wave, there is more healing and more balancing. 

 

 

[RusTW]

sounds like you had a nice evening . it does help to have support from your family. It helps if they're docters. Add is a tricky one. When I was in my teens I was diagnosed with it also. I took Ritalin in my teens and also in my mid-20s only for about a year each time I took it and then just discarded it. I think it helped me out but I lost some of my emotions while I was on it. I think it was more OCD though I think I was misdiagnosed.

[RusTW]

 good news I slept really well. I usually wake up to go pee a few times I didn't even wake up. My body feel so rested it was so tired I could feel it . I was up at 7 this morning but I feel like I did kind of fell asleep I had a weird dream that had details in it but I just can't prove to myself that I'm sleeping. I think going through this in the morning for us is some kind of an indicator of our progress because I think the mornings are the hardest. I get that also where I wake up and I feel okay and then it takes about an hour 2 hours to kind of set in the symptoms. I know when it's severe when I wake up with it the day's going to be pretty rough. I'm getting ready to workout to. It feels so much easier to deal with this when you slept good.

[mirage]

@RusTWThat is great news that you had a good nights sleep. My okay sleep last night was a relief. I am getting 6 hours a night now. It was 5, so progress! Although it did take the 1mg melatonin and then around midnight took the half of Benadryl. I got through until around 5:30/6. 

 

Those dreams that happen in the early hours are just so odd. Perhaps we have always had odd dreams but we always slept through them and just never remember having them because our sleep was so deep? I know that we do dream when we are in rem sleep and it is the rem sleep that helps rejuvenate our brains. One day, we will sleep through them again. 

 

I am having a pretty rough wave. It started last night but I plugged through it. Today, it is becoming difficult. I did get my workout in and had my healthy lunch, whole, organic, sugar/salt free peanut butter on chi millet bread, a banana and low sodium v8 juice. I am a creature of habit and my lunch is either the peanut butter or boiled eggs. A banana or fresh, organic, berries and always the v8. I get my fresh veggies in with dinner. So far this day has been a bit of a struggle but I know that these waves can change into windows at any time so I am waiting for that. 

 

Heading to the shower then off to get my nails done. I have always loved doing that and getting massages. Now, I keep my nails done but it is hard to sit through it. It use to be super relaxing and now I get anxiety. I know it is the fake anxiety because I never had that before this journey. I have held off from the massages because I got vertigo during one several months ago. Had to stop the massage and wait about an hour for the vertigo to get mild enough so I could drive myself home. My masseuse is very close to my home so I was able to do it. Those are my splurges and pampers and during this journey, I can't enjoy either one! I sound like a big fat baby right now. Sorry about that. 

 

How is your day going and do you work today?

[RusTW]

Sorry you're in a wave again it sucks but you're right we're blessed to have the Windows so I look forward to those too. A big baby you're actually the opposite you're pretty strong. It's so beneficial to maintain or regular routines good job for that. I've been thinking a big part of getting on from this is actually functioning everyday to where were used to living with it you know out in the world. I feel very lucky I'm still able to do that. It's been hard though we're acquiring strength and confidence doing that for ourselves. LOL I do the same thing with my eating habits too healthy and very simple. I'm five pounds away from my original weight from this. I was so hard on myself for being so lazy and not eating right. I think back to where I was taking Zyprexa and Seroquel and I was super lazy I didn't want to do anything I just wanted to sleep and I was really depressed. And now I'm pretty sure it was a Zoloft that was revving me up and the anxiety that was making me want to feel withdrawn on the meds.

[RusTW]

 I think while we were on the meds we were so used to coping with life either being numbed out or in a different state of mind. That we may have lost track of ourselves how we really deal with stuff without the medications so it's possible that we may have to relearn that also and maybe that's us going through this right now.

[mirage]

@RusTW Just got home and i'm here for the night. Got my nails done and run a couple of errands. Things went pretty well at the nail salon. I have been going there for about 10 years so the fact that I get anxiety there just proves my body is doing it without any anxious thinking. It is my over active nervous system kicking in and the cortisol spikes.

 

I had a 24 hour cortisol test ran and it showed that I have lower than normal levels at night and higher than normal levels in the early morning. So I go from extremely low to extremely high quick which is why I abruptly wake up in the early hours. Probably in your case too. I also get a higher than normal spike in the late afternoon, which, is not normal. Most peoples cortisol lowers as the day goes on and becomes the lowest at night so you get prepared for sleep. It isn't normal for it to spike back up in the afternoon. If you get anxiety out of no where in the afternoon, that could be the reason. Our systems are just so confused!

 

Thank you for the nice things you said in your post. I truly appreciate that and your support. I completely agree with you that we are lucky to be able to still hold down our jobs and to be able to work out and function. Though not ideal, we are able to plug along and I have to believe, overall, that is helping us in this recovery. 

 

It is wonderful that you are 5lbs away from your ideal weight. Keep on keeping on. You are making it and you are another step closer to a healthier you. When you complete this journey, there is going to be a whole new you. So many positives will be gained. That is very exciting! I can't wait to read your success story!!!!!

 

[RusTW]

I'm so happy for you your day went well. I can't wait for your success story also. All of ours. I think this is a journey in finding ourselves so we never become lost again. It sure does force us to dig deep within ourselves in the darkest moments. I hope your waves dying down. I feel like I'm on the border of one right now. Sure does feel good to have sleep though at least I have that on my side. I hope you have a good rest of the day I'll keep in touch with you later I'm getting ready for work

[RusTW]

It's  kind of funny I have like a survival pack I take with me to work and it gives me that extra security if I need to break into it I have my anti nausea medication and my ginger ale and my blood pressure cuff and my pulse oximeter LOL

[mirage]

@RusTW I too, have a survival pack I keep in my purse. Meclizine for dizziness and zophran for nausea. Right now it is about survival and getting through. So what ever you have to do, you have to do. 

 

Hope work goes well for you. Sending good vibes and thoughts your way friend. 

 

[RusTW]

Lol  I was taking Zofran until I found out if you take it with Zoloft you can have heart problems or serotonin syndrome . wonderful . thanks Mirage I hope you have a good afternoon.

[RusTW]

Or evening. Hooray the fires have died down there's barely any smoke now you can see the sun

[RusTW]

 I hope we all get good sleep tonight😔

[mirage]

@RusTW Had an okay night getting and staying asleep but woke with the 4am cortisol/weird dreams. I stayed in bed for a couple of more hours but that is always hard because I fall into that conscious doze that produces continual odd dreams  and I never feel like I truly fall back asleep. Had to take the melatonin but didn't wake up for the Benadryl. 

 

My morning is the usual yucky. I'm spending my day at home today packing my suitcase and getting ready for the trip. 

 

How did work go last night and your sleep?

[RusTW]

I slept about the same 5 hrs. tried to go back to sleep but couldn't.I got the mild nausea and anxiety.My ears have been ringing bad .I had the nausea yesterday afternoon..I feel that brain fog 9ppagain.I keep yawning.work was ok.its good we are sleeping.Are you ready for your trip.I think you will be good.try not to get anxious.

Its good chance to test the waters.if you get a wave you will be ok.we are used to this.my guess is the distraction will keep the symptoms away.Are you excited.how do you feel today.

[mirage]

@RusTW Sorry you are having the nausea and anxiety. Have you always had the ringing in your ears or is it a new symptom?

 

Glad work went okay. You working again tonight? 

 

I am trying not to get anxious about the trip. It is the flight that is going to be iffy. I have never been an anxious flyer but because I have had vertigo with this journey, the air pressure could set that off. I spoke to my neurologist about it and he said we won't know until I fly. So we shall see. I am keeping my fingers crossed!!!

 

Thank you for the support with this. I'm praying the change of scenery and the business of the trip will help. I am going to spend the day packing and getting ready. Just finished working out and having lunch. Just going to take it easy other than that. 

 

 

 

[RusTW]

UIve had mild ringing before this w/d its loud now.started about 4 days back got worse.the symptoms are changing one lets up while others get worse.the nausea was bad at work around 6pm.took a promethazine it was so bad. I'm excited for your new venture and curious to see how it goes for you. How many hours is your flight. Do you think the Benadryl might help you before you fly

[mirage]

@RusTW The flight is 3 hours and 25 minutes. I could take a Benadryl. My neurologist gave me 2 Xanax and suggested I take a half of one just before I board the plane. The vertigo happened because my vestibular system (our balance center) was affected by the withdrawal. Our vestibular system is made up of a bunch of nerves. Goes to show, this journey can and does affect almost every nerve in our body. That said, the Xanax will calm all nerves which include the vestibular system. He also told me to wear the airplane ear plugs to help with the air pressure. 

 

I know Xanax is a benzo and can be addictive but he only gave me a couple to get me through this flight. So I am going to use it on the way there. I may not use it on the flight home since I will be back on home turf. 

 

I am wondering...the more we expose our nervous systems to, will it become less sensitive? Will it help knock out the anxiety? 

[RusTW]

Xanax should do it.it will keep you calm too.benzos suck but they work good for this situation. I wonder that too sometimes about exposing our nervous system to do new stimulus if it'll actually help us progress faster. This trip should definitely build your confidence.

[mirage]

You are so wonderfully supportive!!! THANK YOU! This will be eye opening and should answer some of these questions we have. 

 

Another thing I am not sure of is, does doing more really cause waves or will the waves come no matter what we do? If the waves are the healing and the body is meant to heal, would they happen anyway and on their own? I have found times that I have worked out harder and had no waves and then times I have done that and got a wave. But, I have also had the opposite, days that I am doing nothing and get a wave. Does the anxiety just come on no matter what we do or don't do? I know we can make it worse but for me, I never had it before and now it just comes on each and every day. Although, it is getting better. 

 

All of that, this trip will give us some insight on that. Perhaps we will find that doing more, helps heal faster? Dear friend, I am going to be our guinea pig!

[RusTW]

 I'm curious about that myself about how much we do and the waves and windows. Right now I'm skipping the gym and just doing my walk. I think a part of its reconnecting with the Mind and Body and when the body tells us it's too much it's probably too much. I had the same thing also when I try to relax and take a day off I still get waves. It feels like I was doing better in the beginning of this as far as how I felt and now I'm getting my windows they're not the same though. It's really hard to tell if it was because of the fast taper of the Zoloft or the cold turkey and then the reinstatement of the Seroquel

[RusTW]

 I was reading somewhere that the newer antipsychotics are stored in your fat and in the recent past I gave it plenty of fat to store itself in so now I'm wondering because I'm taking it off or losing it a pretty quick rate if somehow that's affecting me to. It has me curious about how antidepressants are stored in our body.

[mirage]

There is no doubt about it that the windows and wave patterns change. Mine have too and the same with my sleep. 

 

I have had many days that I do absolutely nothing and feel awful. 

 

I'm not sure about the storage of the meds in body fat. I do know that they all metabolize through the liver and I am a slow metabolizer of anything that goes through the liver. I have a fast metabolism for food but that doesn't process through the liver. That said, I didn't have any symptoms of the withdrawal until an entire month completely off the meds. The med stayed in my body for that long and then the symptoms were pretty mild for another 2 weeks after that. I stopped the med on May 6th of 2017. Had my first symptoms appear on June 2nd of 2017 and then fell hard around June 16, 2017. So it took a full 6 weeks, completely off the med, to really get the withdrawal. I had no idea what was going on until December of 2017. I thought, certainly I was dying! So, I do know they will stay in your body if you are a slow metabolizer. This could be you as well. Perhaps you metabolize slow as well? How are you when you drink? Do you get tipsy after just a couple of drinks or can you have several and not feel the affects much?

[RusTW]

I usually feel it pretty fast if i drink.i didn't feel my w/d for 3 weeks after ct not one sign. im hoping reinstating didnt make it worse.im also worried about the zoloft.                                                                                                        When do u leave for the trip☺️it feels like im going too.im excited for ya.

[mirage]

Looks like you are a slow metabolizer too. 

 

I think your body will adjust around the reinstatement. I did the same thing. About 5 weeks after I ct my dr reinstated the Wellbutrin at 150 instead of the 300 I was on. Even then she never mentioned anything about withdrawal. 

 

I leave tomorrow afternoon. I am feeling excited about going but there are these dang symptoms. My friend dizzy likes to hang out with me. I wish she would go away...far far away! It is so difficult to deal with. 

 

You are so sweet to be excited for me. My husband and I usually go to Vegas about 5 times a year. We call it our, home away from home. It all came to a crashing halt in June of 2017. Trying to get back into the groove of life. Boy, is it hard. As you know. I want to, but these symptoms keep knocking me down. One day, right friend, we will be back living full force and whooping it up again!

 

Are you working today?

[RusTW]

I feel a wave coming😩its like sometimes i am in both worlds w/d an the natural me.i will grasp at a past memory and i can remember how i felt.i cant feel those feelings now as i remember the memory.when i stabalized after coming off of ativan.i kept getting past memories and i was able to recall the feelings.this to me was a huge sign of healing.now my windows arent as good as they were.and i cant use that recall.

[RusTW]

i work this afternoon today.hopefully the symptoms dont get worse.im getting worried about the symptoms changing.now its the brain fog-headaches- nausea -dizzy-anxiety-ringing ears and very upset stomach .i realized this morning im afraid to go back to sleep in the morning because i don t want to wake up sick or have anxiety upon waking.its easy at night to fall asleep because the seroquel is still sedating me. 

[RusTW]

Are you still getting nausea .

[mirage]

Don't fret. The healing process is all over the board. The feelings will come back. It will not be this way forever. What goes up must come down. This too shall pass. Our systems are working all of this out and trying to stabilize and rebalance. 

 

Try not to let this upset you. You are stronger than the symptoms. Mind over matter friend! You can do it. Tell those symptoms that they aren't going to keep you from doing your job. Push through. I know it is so dang hard but you have the strength. 

 

I do get nauseated when the dizzy gets really bad. They seem to go together for me. 

 

I just know that one day, soon, we are going to be able to laugh at these symptoms and these messages. Hold on to the power of healing. I have a saying on my computer:

HEALING

Every atom of my being is invigorated with healing life.