2cats2272: Introduction

[2cats2272]

I’m so torn. I’m stuck. Reinstate or not?!? I know nobody can really answer that though. I’m managing. Maybe that’s all I can expect. I do know that the longer I wait, the opportunity to reinstate gets smaller. 
I was 4 months off as of the 26th. 
it’s just such a roller coaster. Trying to be a mom, a partner and work while feeling like I’m falling apart at times inside. @FindRest I have an appt with outro.com they specialize in tapering. It’s a paid service in my province in Canada. When I spoke to them originally, the thought was to reinstate at 37.5 and I know that would be too much. 
I was on a generic brand so I’m not sure if the beads are the same. I have waves throughout the day and windows.  Like I’ve said I tend to feel better later in the morning and into the afternoon/evening. 
I don’t want to mess up my progress.  I need a magic 8 ball 🤦‍♀️

[FindRest]

It’s a hard decision. Yes, SA recommends reinstating by 3 months, but it often works out to reinstate a bit later than that. Then again, sometimes reinstatement doesn’t work out. It’s hard to decide. I know that fear very well.
 

 

2 hours ago, 2cats2272 said:

 I have an appt with outro.com they specialize in tapering. It’s a paid service in my province in Canada. When I spoke to them originally, the thought was to reinstate at 37.5 and I know that would be too much. 

 

Outro is a newer program that I don’t know much about, but do know of some of the prominent names who helped get it started. I have great hopes for them. However, I’m very surprised they would even consider reinstating 37.5 after you’ve been off for 4 months. That is way too high.

 

You do need to open up a capsule and see what you currently have. 

Edited May 29, 2023 by FindRest

[2cats2272]

@FindRest I think they suggested that because that’s the lowest dose. We didn’t get into great detail because that was just my initial appointment. I have my taper appointment on the 5th. I’ve just spent so much money the past 4 months on things trying to help me. I know it’s all beneficial but being a Mom, makes me feel guilty. 
I just opened my 37.5 capsule abs there’s 3 little tablets in it

[FindRest]

21 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

I just opened my 37.5 capsule abs there’s 3 little tablets in it

Those are mini-tablets. If you reinstate, it would be much easier to taper with beads. I believe Canada offers a generic from Aurobindo that has the small beads, or you could ask for name-brand Effexor which might cost you a little.

[2cats2272]

Yesterday and today have been better.  I know I seem like I’m flip-flopping. I guess it’s because I am. I’m 98% sure I’m not going to reinstate. I am able to function and I am more worried about undoing my progress. Mornings still tend not to be great and I’m so tired in the afternoon. 
I’m hopeful and I am going to continue to post. Even during the good times, when I often don’t think to. I also think it’s important to look back. Turn around and look where I came from. Compared to March, I’m doing so much better. It’s still a lot of work. I wish it wasn’t but I don’t think reinstating will help. 

[Altostrata]

Please be patient during the waves. You may be able to recover gradually without reinstatement, which you might consider if you notice a distinct downward trend in your symptoms.

[2cats2272]

Thanks @Altostrata it’s constantly changing. Right now I’m just so tired!! I sleep but not restful. I can’t sleep past 6 am. I’d love to nap but it doesn’t happen.  My body does hurt though. Like I’ve been working out excessively.

the excessive crying has gone. I feel more positive overall. It may not last but I’ll take it 

[2cats2272]

So. So. Tired. I’m wiped by around noon. A nap would be glorious but that can’t happen because of work but it doesn’t horn even when I’ve tried. 
wicked shoulder and neck tension too. My jaw is so sore. 
things I’m doing: guided meditation

no alcohol or caffeine. Eating relatively well. I only eat dinner. 
I fall asleep very quickly and sleep until early morning. About 6 ish hours. 
my acupuncture appointment is next Friday and I have a massage tomorrow. 
still taking magnesium and fish oil. 
I’ve change my magnesium to morning and night as opposed to just nighttime.

headaches are also present but I think that’s due to the tension. 

[Altostrata]

That is a typical withdrawal pattern, including poor sleep.

[2cats2272]

Well, I’ve cancelled my appointment to reinstate that was scheduled for tomorrow. The last couple days have been about the same. 
derealization is the most difficult for me right now. 
i had a sort of epiphany the other day. I sprained my ankle quite badly in December. I just realized the other day that it is no longer painful. I realized that it took time to heal and I wasn’t impatient. WHY then do I expect myself to be symptom free in 4 months from a medication my body and brain relied on for 17 years. 
it took my ankle 6 months to heal. I’m going to keep this in mind for the next little bit. 

[2cats2272]

I have an appointment tomorrow to decide what to do. I’ve changed my mind so many times. I guess I’ll just have the appointment and go from there. I’m so torn. I’m tired. 

[Shep]

On 6/1/2023 at 1:12 PM, 2cats2272 said:

no alcohol or caffeine. Eating relatively well. I only eat dinner. 
I fall asleep very quickly and sleep until early morning. About 6 ish hours. 

 

Are you only eating once a day? Is this new or do you not have an appetite during the day due to withdrawal symptoms? 

[2cats2272]

@Shep I do only eat once a day. Yes, it’s because I have 0 appetite. 

[FeralCatman]

@2cats2272 Everything you described so far sounds pretty typical of withdrawal. Effexor, if I remember right, can be particularly tough. Also, some people have had the experience of being alright when they first come off the med and then several weeks to several months later the severe withdrawal kicks in. The exact reason for this is unknown but it does happen. Happened to me with Seroquel. It does get better it just takes time and perseverance and most importantly a truckload of patience. I recently posted some information from 'Outro Health' which is an antidepressant de prescribing service available in Canada. The providers there as well as the advisors have been through this themselves. It has an excellent library with lots of great resources and web casts and the library is free. Just sign up for the wait list and you will get a link to the library. Since you are in Canada you may be able to become a patient there. Here is my recent post from the 'Outro Health' library regarding protracted withdrawal. Take care and hang in there. 😉✌️😺😺

 

 

[2cats2272]

@FeralCatman I actually have an appt with them later today to

discuss reinstatement. I’ve cancelled and rescheduled so many times because I’m unsure what I should do. 
they do seem to be a good resource. 
thank you for the information 😊

[FeralCatman]

@2cats2272 I am over 5 years into this process now between tapering and recovery and I have to say that other than Surviving Antidepressants, Outro Health is going to be the best resource out there for information on psychiatric med withdrawal and recovery so you're definitely going to a good place and you'll be able to talk to people who've been where you are. This is definitely a very hard road.  I've had many hard experiences in my life including the military and the submarine service as well as working some high stress dangerous jobs and out of everything I've been through this process by far takes the cake when it comes to difficulty. That said it can be done and many people have gone through this and gone on and recovered and left it behind them. Whatever choice you make going forward I certainly wish you the very best. Take care and have a good appointment today 😉✌️😺😺

[2cats2272]

@FeralCatman thank you. The meeting went well. The plan is to reinstate , taking one of the capsules out of a 37.5 mg and starting there. I’m very nervous. I’m afraid I will undo all the progress I’ve made this far. Sort of like a wasted 4 months. I’m also a bit ashamed to reinstate. If it will help though, and they seem optimistic, then thats the plan 

[FeralCatman]

@2cats2272 Glad your appointment went well. If that is what they recommend then go with it and take it one day at a time. It is scary for sure but those people have all been through it and they know what they are doing. Altostrata is one of the advisors to that organization. No need to be ashamed. Many people have gone down this road before and then started a taper later on much slower when they were ready and were then successful. Do what you have to do to stay functional since you have family to take care of and a job you need to keep. No one will judge you. This is a place of support not judgement. Take care and best wishes. 😉✌️😺😺

[Shep]

15 hours ago, 2cats2272 said:

@FeralCatman thank you. The meeting went well. The plan is to reinstate , taking one of the capsules out of a 37.5 mg and starting there. I’m very nervous. I’m afraid I will undo all the progress I’ve made this far. Sort of like a wasted 4 months. I’m also a bit ashamed to reinstate. If it will help though, and they seem optimistic, then thats the plan 

 

Don't ever be ashamed of working toward finding a solution to a problem. That's what reinstating is all about - a solution to the problem of a too-fast taper. As @FeralCatman wisely said, "Do what you have to do to stay functional since you have family to take care of and a job you need to keep."

 

Please let us know how you do. 

[2cats2272]

I didn’t start reinstatement today. I was waiting for the exact instructions which came this morning after I’d left for work. I’m so scared. What if I develop an adverse side effect that can’t be reversed. 

[FeralCatman]

On 6/7/2023 at 9:40 AM, 2cats2272 said:

I didn’t start reinstatement today. I was waiting for the exact instructions which came this morning after I’d left for work. I’m so scared. What if I develop an adverse side effect that can’t be reversed. 

It is a difficult and scary decision and unfortunately there isn't any way to know until you do it. All I can say is that after being on this website for quite a while now it seems that even with the adverse reactions most people do tend to heal up given time and the same goes for withdrawal. The unknown and highly individualistic timelines are what make this scary because no one can give you exact answers . Nothing is permanent and now you have the people at Outro Health and Surviving Antidepressants to help you through whatever consequences there are either way so you are not doing this alone. I know that really won't help you make a choice and may not be comforting but that is the crappy situation that we all got thrown into when we were told these drugs were safe and effective.  Whatever you decide and whatever the consequences are the people here at Surviving Antidepressants and at Outro Health will be there for you.

[2cats2272]

@FeralCatman thank you. So much. I still have not reinstated. I don’t think I can. I’m coping. Some of my withdrawal symptoms have gone. Some are lingering but I’m coping (ish). I don’t want to rock the boat. I feel bad for wasting Outro’s time but I paid for it so I guess it’s not so bad. 
I know that everything is healing and I just have to continuously remind myself that it WILL take time. 4 months isn’t that long compared to the 17 years I was on. 

[Altostrata]

Coping with symptoms is a valid way to get through withdrawal. You might consider reinstatement if you get progressively worse.

[FeralCatman]

2 hours ago, 2cats2272 said:

@FeralCatman thank you. So much. I still have not reinstated. I don’t think I can. I’m coping. Some of my withdrawal symptoms have gone. Some are lingering but I’m coping (ish). I don’t want to rock the boat. I feel bad for wasting Outro’s time but I paid for it so I guess it’s not so bad. 
I know that everything is healing and I just have to continuously remind myself that it WILL take time. 4 months isn’t that long compared to the 17 years I was on. 

@2cats2272 You are very welcome and you are not wasting anybody's time it is your life and your body and your choice and there is nothing wrong with gathering information to make an informed choice. In the end it's all about doing what's right for you not for everybody else. Just try to remember that with Post Acute withdrawal it can take many months for your body to heal and re-regulate. The average seems to be 24 to 36 months according to Outro Health but some do it in less and some take longer and unfortunately there is no predicting how long it will actually take so it's just finding ways to get through it. That's where this forum and the Outro Health library will come in to help you find ways to deal with things as they crop up and to  and to give you support through the process.  Ultimately you will make it and you will heal up even if things kind of suck for a while. 😉✌️😺😺

[Benjammin626]

I’m really enjoying following this topic. I’m about 4.5 weeks off of 150 mg of Effexor (taken for about 10-15 years), and the anxiety of withdrawals is rough. My stomach hurts and I have terrible acid reflux right now because I’ve just been so anxious with this process. It’s weird because I do have days where I feel very calm, but then I have days where I’m so impatient and testy. My biggest issues right now are anxiety, reflux and upset stomach, headaches, and this feeling of being tired but not sleepy. Like my eyes feel weird all day, almost like I’m sitting behind them and just watching everything go on around me. I hope you’re doing a bit better now. 

[2cats2272]

@Benjammin626 these last 2 days have been good. My headaches, upset stomach and other flu like symptoms are mostly gone (for now, sometimes things pop up). I’m dealing with fatigue but unable to sleep (although I sleep at night just wake up early in the morning. 
the anxiousness and low mood and fatigue are my main issues that are lingering. Reading about windows and waves helps. I’m glad my journey is helping you. 

[2cats2272]

I’ve had a good couple weeks! Not perfect but I’ll take it. Still dealing with low motivation and lack of interest. Dissociation happens a bit. Morning unease (I wouldn’t really call it anxiety) is still present. 
I’m still fatigued. I had a doctors appointment yesterday because my breathing has been weird. Like I’m breathing shallow. I explained that im still struggling with withdrawal and his suggestion of a couple weeks clearly wasn’t right for me. He asked why I think it’s withdrawal and not the return of my original issue. I just said this is nothing like my original reason for going on Effexor. It’s actually worse. 
Everything was great medically. I think the breathing thing is the tension in my body. That has returned. Yesterday was a bit more tough and today seems to be so far too. I’m still connected with outro and haven’t completely dismissed reinstating. I just feel that 12.5 might be too high and I’m not sure if I’m prepared to potentially make things worse. I’m not sure I can handle worse. The progress I’ve made in less than 5 months is quite remarkable but like we all know too well, when things have been relatively good and get not so good again, it really tough. 

[Catina7]

27 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

He asked why I think it’s withdrawal and not the return of my original issue.

 

Hopefully one day doctors will be properly trained to recognize and treat withdrawal.  For now you have us, who completely validate what you're going through.

 

27 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

I think the breathing thing is the tension in my body.

 

There are lots of deep breathing exercise you can do to help relax your system and activate your parasympathetic nervous system.  I hope you feel better soon! 😻

[2cats2272]

Well, I was 5 months off as of the 26th.  The progress I’ve made is kind of amazing. I’m not 100% but SO much better. 
Sleep is better (I wish I could sleep longer but that’ll come). Anxiety is less (mornings are still a bit unsettled). Motivation is increasing. I’m still experiencing the waves and windows but the waves aren’t as hard. Another symptom that’s returned is sore/stiff joints. Fatigue is still hanging around. 
I’m glad with my decision to not reinstate. I was too afraid of any potential adverse reactions. 
I’m still doing therapy, chiropractor, massage. I’ve been to acupuncture 3 times. The last time was a bit much though. I was anxious for 2 days after and lightheaded after. 
I’ve taken advantage of OUTRO and they, like this site continue to be an invaluable resource. 
My progress is slow and all over the place. 2 steps forward,5 steps back. I feel like I’m moving in the right direction. I’m hopeful though! 

 

[Catina7]

24 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

Well, I was 5 months off as of the 26th.  The progress I’ve made is kind of amazing. I’m not 100% but SO much better. 
Sleep is better (I wish I could sleep longer but that’ll come). Anxiety is less (mornings are still a bit unsettled). Motivation is increasing. I’m still experiencing the waves and windows but the waves aren’t as hard. Another symptom that’s returned is sore/stiff joints. Fatigue is still hanging around. 
I’m glad with my decision to not reinstate. I was too afraid of any potential adverse reactions. 
I’m still doing therapy, chiropractor, massage. I’ve been to acupuncture 3 times. The last time was a bit much though. I was anxious for 2 days after and lightheaded after. 
I’ve taken advantage of OUTRO and they, like this site continue to be an invaluable resource. 
My progress is slow and all over the place. 2 steps forward,5 steps back. I feel like I’m moving in the right direction. I’m hopeful though! 

 

 

I'm glad to know that you're slowly getting better.  It gives me hope for when I finally get to 0 of my Effexor.  I think you're doing really well for going cold turkey.  You're braver than I am!

[2cats2272]

@Catina7 if I had have know there was another way, I wouldn’t have stopped at 37.5 for sure! 
im glad my story is helping you. I’m still very much on this journey 💜

[2cats2272]

Another wave???? My muscles feel fatigued and my joints in my fingers (mostly) feel stiff or tired. 
anxiety as been on the higher side. Deep breathing gets me through. Still better than I was. 
I’ve never thought of Effexor as much as I do when I’m a wave. “Maybe I should reinstate, why did I go off in the first place, I felt fine on it”. So bizarre. I am thankful for the windows as reminders 💜

[Catina7]

10 hours ago, 2cats2272 said:

Another wave???? My muscles feel fatigued and my joints in my fingers (mostly) feel stiff or tired. 
anxiety as been on the higher side. Deep breathing gets me through. Still better than I was. 
I’ve never thought of Effexor as much as I do when I’m a wave. “Maybe I should reinstate, why did I go off in the first place, I felt fine on it”. So bizarre. I am thankful for the windows as reminders 💜

 

I'm glad you have the windows to remind you that you're healing and recovering.  I actually don't think you're doing that bad for going CT.  Effexor is known to be a monster to get off of.  In the end, you'll be glad you're rid of that poison!  Keep hanging in there and riding those waves, knowing that another window is waiting for you. 

[2cats2272]

I’m still quite anxious. Just more of a feeling in my stomach. Unsettled. I’ve been reading a lot about withdrawal and so much of what I’m reading still says it’s my original “condition” returning. It’s frustrating. I’m worried that I’m going to get a lot worse. 
some things I’ve noticed…. I can’t watch anything on tv that’s the slightest bit unsettling. When my kids are arguing or just being kids, it triggers me. I prefer to be at home instead of around a lot of people. It’s like I need recovery time after. I guess the good part of that is that I still socialize. Even if I feel like I’m faking that most of the time. 
even music that I used to listen to bothers me. I certainly can’t listen to anything loud. Smells….. my sense of smell is so intensified. I’m trying to be patient but I miss joy and anticipation 😥

[Catina7]

2 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

I’m still quite anxious. Just more of a feeling in my stomach. Unsettled. I’ve been reading a lot about withdrawal and so much of what I’m reading still says it’s my original “condition” returning. It’s frustrating. I’m worried that I’m going to get a lot worse. 
some things I’ve noticed…. I can’t watch anything on tv that’s the slightest bit unsettling. When my kids are arguing or just being kids, it triggers me. I prefer to be at home instead of around a lot of people. It’s like I need recovery time after. I guess the good part of that is that I still socialize. Even if I feel like I’m faking that most of the time. 
even music that I used to listen to bothers me. I certainly can’t listen to anything loud. Smells….. my sense of smell is so intensified. I’m trying to be patient but I miss joy and anticipation 😥

 

I know these feelings exactly (except the kids part, since I only have fur babies).  It's just your nervous system being over-sensitized and will settle down eventually.  Your body is definitely letting you know that you just need to rest, recover, and be kind and gentle with yourself.   I know it's hard to be patient, but in time you will heal.  

[FeralCatman]

39 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

I’m still quite anxious. Just more of a feeling in my stomach. Unsettled. I’ve been reading a lot about withdrawal and so much of what I’m reading still says it’s my original “condition” returning. It’s frustrating. I’m worried that I’m going to get a lot worse. 
some things I’ve noticed…. I can’t watch anything on tv that’s the slightest bit unsettling. When my kids are arguing or just being kids, it triggers me. I prefer to be at home instead of around a lot of people. It’s like I need recovery time after. I guess the good part of that is that I still socialize. Even if I feel like I’m faking that most of the time. 
even music that I used to listen to bothers me. I certainly can’t listen to anything loud. Smells….. my sense of smell is so intensified. I’m trying to be patient but I miss joy and anticipation 😥

A year and a half ago my nervous system was so whacked out that I was having severe reactions to a glass of water that was too warm or too cool. It had to be just right. Much of what you describe also happened to me. Early on after jumping off the Seroquel my hearing was so sensitive that I could hear the cats walking at the other end of the house. The bulk of it passed and what I have left is comparatively minimal and slowly fading away. That will happen for you as well it will just take time and in the meantime you need to give yourself the time and space to heal. That means your life is going to be a little different for a while than what you're used to but you will get your life back. Patience is key.