2cats2272: Introduction

[2cats2272]

Today, I noticed that I feel like I’m having trouble speaking. It’s almost like my tongue feels heavy, if that makes any sense. I have to really think about what I want to say. 
I mentioned to my daughter that I feel socially awkward and she said she has noticed but said nobody else would. Obviously I notice. I am awkward socially (I never have been) maybe it’s more uncomfortable than awkward. The speech thing is concerning me though. 

[2cats2272]

High anxiety again today. My brain goes right to reinstatement. I don’t get it. I’m too far out to reinstate. But I just want to feel more normal. I’m tired and anxious. I want to enjoy this summer with my kids. My oldest is getting married and I want to be present and enjoy it. Again, wishing I had insight into the future. 

[Catina7]

Stress can definitely make WD symptoms worse, and an upcoming wedding is definitely stress, even for a person not in withdrawal.  It's hard when our minds and hearts want healing for ourselves so badly, but our bodies say NO...not yet anyway.  Maybe things will go better than anticipated for the upcoming wedding.  Try to just take things day by day and be gentle with yourself.  It's not your fault that you're dealing with all this.  Sending hugs to you! 

[2cats2272]

Thanks @Catina7 there’s actually no stress around the wedding. Everything is set, just waiting for the day. I’m just stressing about feeling good and actually being able to enjoy such a special day. I just have to keep remembering the windows and waves. Just like everyone has said, when you’re in a wave, it’s like it’s the worst of the worst and hard to remember feeling even a little bit good. 

[Altostrata]

You also need to separate the anxiety you create by worrying over your withdrawal symptoms from the withdrawal symptoms themselves. Just keep in mind that withdrawal has made you somewhat fragile and do the best you can.

[2cats2272]

@Altostrata wow! I really needed to hear that! You really hit the mail on the head. I think I really get anxious over a symptom which in turn spikes my anxiety. Thank you for this. I’ll practice this for sure 

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, 2cats2272 said:

Everything is set, just waiting for the day. I’m just stressing about feeling good and actually being able to enjoy such a special day. I just have to keep remembering the windows and waves. Just like everyone has said, when you’re in a wave, it’s like it’s the worst of the worst and hard to remember feeling even a little bit good. 

Just got married, gotta say - you're gonna be having an absolute blast, surrounded by people you love, celebrating something beautiful! I was worried too about being in a wave for the event, and I really had nothing to worry about. The joy is baked in!

[2cats2272]

@littlebird firstly, congratulations 🎉 and thank you so much for helping me see this from a different perspective. 💜

[2cats2272]

Morning cortisol wakening has never really gone away but today was particularly rough. Increase heart rate, super anxious. I know it’s temporary. 
I’m also teary 🥺 today. I’ve caught myself almost in tears for no real reason. I’ve been in a wave for about a week. The positive is that it doesn’t knock me off my feet like it used to. It’s just a general unease. Almost like a pit of anxiety in my stomach that stays throughout the day. 
I can only hope it doesn’t last long and be thankful I’m still getting windows. Usually throughout the day. 
Another thing I’ve noticed is I have 0 libido. No desire at all. That doesn’t really bother me but I imagine my fiancé feels pretty crappy about it. When I’m struggling, I get quiet and just want to “zone out” so it makes sense.  

[FeralCatman]

2 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

Morning cortisol wakening has never really gone away but today was particularly rough. Increase heart rate, super anxious. I know it’s temporary. 
I’m also teary 🥺 today. I’ve caught myself almost in tears for no real reason. I’ve been in a wave for about a week. The positive is that it doesn’t knock me off my feet like it used to. It’s just a general unease. Almost like a pit of anxiety in my stomach that stays throughout the day. 
I can only hope it doesn’t last long and be thankful I’m still getting windows. Usually throughout the day. 
Another thing I’ve noticed is I have 0 libido. No desire at all. That doesn’t really bother me but I imagine my fiancé feels pretty crappy about it. When I’m struggling, I get quiet and just want to “zone out” so it makes sense.  

Going to tears is certainly not a bad thing it just means that your body is trying to release stress so allowing the tears to happen is actually going to help you. Laughter is the same way. They are nature's relief valves for stress.

[2cats2272]

Well, 6 months Effexor free. I’m still in the windows and waves patterns but I’ve also found I’ve felt really “meh” or “blah” lately. Not good or bad. I’m realizing just how blunted my emotions were. I didn’t think the were at all. I cry now when most people would cry. My waves certainly aren’t as bad as they were. My sex drive and appetite haven’t returned. I’ve lost 20 pounds. I’ve made huge changes in my life. Stepped away from relationships that weren’t healthy. Looking back to the beginning, I can say that I have made huge improvements. There’s still quite a ways ahead of me and I’m hopeful. 

[Catina7]

52 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

Well, 6 months Effexor free. I’m still in the windows and waves patterns but I’ve also found I’ve felt really “meh” or “blah” lately. Not good or bad. I’m realizing just how blunted my emotions were. I didn’t think the were at all. I cry now when most people would cry. My waves certainly aren’t as bad as they were. My sex drive and appetite haven’t returned. I’ve lost 20 pounds. I’ve made huge changes in my life. Stepped away from relationships that weren’t healthy. Looking back to the beginning, I can say that I have made huge improvements. There’s still quite a ways ahead of me and I’m hopeful. 

 

Wow, I'm glad to hear that you're making slow but steady progress!  It gives me hope that one day I can be free of this drug too.  Congrats on making such positive changes in your life; it will serve you well.  Keep up the great work!  I look forward to hearing more of your updates as time goes on.  🥰

[Altostrata]

May still be a ways to go but definitely progress! Good to hear.

 

Please let us know how you're doing. 

[2cats2272]

I’ve been feeling quite good since Thursday. Some lows during the day but not bad at all. Just maybe when I’m a bit tired. I worked 11 hour days all week then worked 5 today. Im definitely in a good window and I’m just embracing it. Things have shifted a bit. I don’t wake up in the morning wondering what symptom I’m going to feel most. That being said, mornings are getting better. Still anxious but less. If I could sleep a little later that’s be bliss but… eventually hopefully. I’ve meditated all week so maybe that has helped. 
I’m fully expecting to hit a wave and some point but I’m not on edge waiting for it. I’m taking my kids to the fair in a bit, nothing like throwing myself into super over stimulation. I want to try to write when I’m feeling good and not just the tough times. We’re making progress. Even though there’s some backwards steps along the way. 

[2cats2272]

Today hasn’t been good. Tired, no energy, anxious, emotional and my body hurts. I’ve noticed that my finger joints are stiff/sore when Im not doing great. Definitely the wave I knew would come eventually. Had a great window. 
mom just going to sit with the emotions and manage the symptoms and take things easy. It’s so discouraging 😥. 
I know most of you know what im talking about. My sleep wasn’t great last night. I woke up around 3 am and had brain zaps again. It’s so strange. These come and go but have never been a really big symptom for me. It’s almost like it’s a warning that a wave is coming. Maybe it is. 

[Catina7]

5 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

Today hasn’t been good. Tired, no energy, anxious, emotional and my body hurts. I’ve noticed that my finger joints are stiff/sore when Im not doing great. Definitely the wave I knew would come eventually. Had a great window. 
mom just going to sit with the emotions and manage the symptoms and take things easy. It’s so discouraging 😥. 
I know most of you know what im talking about. My sleep wasn’t great last night. I woke up around 3 am and had brain zaps again. It’s so strange. These come and go but have never been a really big symptom for me. It’s almost like it’s a warning that a wave is coming. Maybe it is. 

 

Sorry today has been rough for you 🥲.  Your next window will come eventually.  I've been in a little wave the past two days myself, but at least your body is free of the poison.  I don't know if and when I'll ever be able to be free.  I do envy you in that regard.  Hang in there...better days are ahead for you! 

[2cats2272]

Thanks @Catina7. You’re on your way. I tapered way too fast. You’re listening to your body and doing it the right way. I’d have gone a lot slower if I had known

[2cats2272]

Still fatigued today, stiff joints in my fingers. Maybe not stiff, more like tired. Everything is agitating. I’m just blah 😑 I always worry when I have the physical symptoms but reading through the site, I see joint pain/stiffness is relatively common. I’ve had it come and go already. 

[Catina7]

18 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

Still fatigued today, stiff joints in my fingers. Maybe not stiff, more like tired. Everything is agitating. I’m just blah 😑 I always worry when I have the physical symptoms but reading through the site, I see joint pain/stiffness is relatively common. I’ve had it come and go already. 

 

Sorry you're still in your wave today.  I'm not at my best either.  I'm scared that I'm still having issues and I haven't even changed my dose for over a year and a half!  I wonder what it's going to be like to try to taper down any further.  It scares the living daylights out of me! 

 

I'm sure that as time goes on your windows will surpass any waves.  Sending you hugs today!  

[Altostrata]

@2cats2272 are you getting at least a half-hour of gentle exercise, such as walking, each day?

 

Are you doing a lot of typing? You may wish to stretch your back, arms, hands, and fingers as well.

[2cats2272]

I text and type quit a bit for work. I drive a lot too. When I’m in a wave, my whole body has a lot of tension. I will focus on some stretching. Thanks 💜 @Altostrata

[2cats2272]

This wave is super tough. I think I say that about them all though. I woke up in a panic around 3. So, sleep was garbage. All over tension still hanging around. Fatigue, no appetite. I’m pretty shocked at how easy it is to forget the good when you’re in a wave. Even trying to remind myself it’ll end is difficult. 

[2cats2272]

Still in a wave. Like I said this one is tough. My body hurts. My sleep isn’t great, heightened anxiety. Today, I’m going about life regardless I do feel better than I did Tuesday. 

[Catina7]

Glad you're a bit better than before.  When I'm in a wave and feel like giving up on life, it seems like if I just hang in there a bit longer then I always get to feeling better!  😃

[2cats2272]

@Catina7 thank you for the support. 💜

[2cats2272]

I’m just so Tired. My sleep is crappy. My muscles (shoulders, upper back, neck and jaw are so tight). Stretching seems to help. Still taking magnesium and fish oil. Anxiety is a slightly high. I’ve noticed that I’ve been thinking a lot of doom and gloom stuff “ this wave is so hard, maybe it’s not a wave, maybe I’ll be like this forever. It’s likely something much worse”. 
Obviously not helpful at all. So, today, I’m going to work hard to replace the negative with positive. It’s super tough to do when I’m in a wave and feeling it

both physically and emotionally. I

do think this is when I need to practice it the most 

[2cats2272]

Still in a wave.  Sleep

is worse. Which makes everything else worse. I’ve actually been thinking about reinstating which, I really haven’t for a bit. My muscles are stiff. Not sore stiff but contracted. Like I’m bracing myself for something. Once I notice it, I can relax it but it’s uncomfortable 

[Blossom71]

Hi @2cats2272

I’ve just read all your thread and you’re doing brilliantly riding the waves, so I hope you get a bit of window soon.

 

I’m sorry your sleep isn’t good again and I hear ya with the tense muscles. I notice at times that my whole body is tense and have to really concentrate on relaxing.

 

One thing I do that might help, is the read back through your thread to get a reminder of how far you’ve come. That really helps me.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

[2cats2272]

If I could stop crying for more than 10 minutes at a time, that would be helpful. It’s all I’ve been doing. Crying and not sleeping. DR has ramped up again. I’m actually scared. I was doing better then was hit with a wave and it hasn’t left. I’m so afraid I’ll never feel better. I feel like I’ve aged 15 years in 6 months. I’m 42 and sometimes getting out of bed is a challenge. Lately, every single day has been a challenge 

[Catina7]

15 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

If I could stop crying for more than 10 minutes at a time, that would be helpful. It’s all I’ve been doing. Crying and not sleeping. DR has ramped up again. I’m actually scared. I was doing better then was hit with a wave and it hasn’t left. I’m so afraid I’ll never feel better. I feel like I’ve aged 15 years in 6 months. I’m 42 and sometimes getting out of bed is a challenge. Lately, every single day has been a challenge 

 

Aww I'm so sorry....hugs.  I know things will eventually get better for you.  Hang in there!

[2cats2272]

Cortisol mornings are back. They have really left but we’re back to the beginning it seems.  With this wave, it seems one issue lets up a bit only for another bro get worse or start 😥

[Catina7]

5 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

Cortisol mornings are back. They have really left but we’re back to the beginning it seems.  With this wave, it seems one issue lets up a bit only for another bro get worse or start 😥

 

I'm sorry to hear this.  Even though it may not feel like it, your body IS healing.  Unfortunately, the waves are part of the "healing" process.  Your body is fighting to find its balance in the absence of the drug.  You will get there eventually and complete healing WILL happen.  I hope you can find ways to be kind and gentle with yourself right now.  Thinking of you... 🌹

[2cats2272]

@Catina7 thank you for your support 💜 I sure hope you’re right. 

[Catina7]

27 minutes ago, 2cats2272 said:

@Catina7 thank you for your support 💜 I sure hope you’re right. 

 

Maybe you can read through some of the success stories.  I know whenever I read any of them it gives me HOPE!  

[2cats2272]

@Catina7 I have been. It does help. I just don’t know how much longer I can take it. The cortisol mornings, crying all the time, worrying about symptoms, negative thoughts. I keep telling myself it’s a wave and will end but I’m starting to doubt myself and the whole process. 

[Catina7]

2 hours ago, 2cats2272 said:

@Catina7 I have been. It does help. I just don’t know how much longer I can take it. The cortisol mornings, crying all the time, worrying about symptoms, negative thoughts. I keep telling myself it’s a wave and will end but I’m starting to doubt myself and the whole process. 

 

I'm so sorry you're having it rough.  But look at your post from just a couple weeks ago below.  Remember those times when you felt good because they WILL come again.  Our worrying and negative thoughts are like throwing more wood on a fire; it will just keep burning and never let up.  You're going to be okay, I'm sure of it.  Sometimes if we write down each negative thought and then replace it with something more positive and reasonable it can really help us.  When I was in the throws of my horrible crash I wrote out a long list of positive affirmations and just kept reading them.  Have you ever tried EFT tapping?  It's been proven to reduce cortisol by a large percentage.  That might be something that can help you.  It certainly has gotten me through some very difficult times.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 5:40 PM, 2cats2272 said:

I’ve been feeling quite good since Thursday. Some lows during the day but not bad at all. Just maybe when I’m a bit tired. I worked 11 hour days all week then worked 5 today. Im definitely in a good window and I’m just embracing it. Things have shifted a bit. I don’t wake up in the morning wondering what symptom I’m going to feel most. That being said, mornings are getting better. Still anxious but less. If I could sleep a little later that’s be bliss but… eventually hopefully. I’ve meditated all week so maybe that has helped. 
I’m fully expecting to hit a wave and some point but I’m not on edge waiting for it. I’m taking my kids to the fair in a bit, nothing like throwing myself into super over stimulation. I want to try to write when I’m feeling good and not just the tough times. We’re making progress. Even though there’s some backwards steps along the way.