Jayyy: Introduction

[LotusRising]

3 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Sorry that I continued the notes for the next day, the ,,waking up several times" was for the night on 10.11 and the ,,waking up at 4 am" was for the night on 11.11. From now I'll end the notes at 12 pm.

6 hours ago, LotusRising said:

 

The way you've done it is okay. I was just wondering if you usually sleep until 4, or if you always wake. But I can look at your notes.

 

3 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Actually no, the Xanax I take it like that in order to have 12h between doses. With it's short half life I wonder if I should make a third dose in the afternoon as well. 

 

I'm wondering this too, as most people will dose 3-4 times a day with xanax, but let's see what the notes show us over the next couple days. 

 

[Jayyy]

Date: 11.11.2023

8:00 a.m. Woke up, took 4 mg Lexapro, 0,031 mg Xanax. My body feels very heavy, some muscle pain and tension, slight nerve pain in elbow. 

9:00 a.m. Nausea

10:00 a.m. Stomach pain, short crying spell

11:00 a.m. Ate some eggs and biscuits, still having stomach pain, slight pain in muscles

12:00 a.m. Stomach is better

12:25 a.m. It didn't last long, pain is back

1:30 p.m. Stomach still bad, muscles very stiff especially in the back

2:15 p.m. Ate chicken soup, took magnesium, feel very tired, some pressure on my sinuses. This felt somehow as the ,,drugged" feeling last evening.

3:00 p.m. Stomach pain is so intense...This is my most overwhelming symptom atm...if it would calm down I could deal better with the rest.

3:15 p.m. Took calcium carbonate. Heart rate increases(95 bpm). I feel so tired like I haven't slept for days.

4:00 p.m. Stomach a bit better, having chills. I seem to have a lot of body jerks...my nervous system is really fighting so hard 😭

4:30 p.m. Left arm feels hot, feet are cold.

6:20 p.m. A little better overall.

7:00 p.m. Ate some biscuits (I know very healthy), took Omega 3. I feel like I'm having a short window😭

7:45 p.m. Stomach pain coming back, feeling so tired

8:00 p.m. Took Xanax 0,125 mg

8:30 p.m. Stomach discomfort and very tired

9:00 p.m. Ate some chicken breast

9:30 p.m. Feeling ok with the exception of stomach pain.

10:30 p.m. Back pain, bearable stomach pain.

11:15 p.m. Fell asleep

Should I reintroduce a dose of magnesium in the evening? I have 5 days since I took only 1 because I'm scared to make my stomach worse before sleeping.

[Jayyy]

Date: 12.11.2023

~4:00 a.m. Woke up, since then waking up several times, heart pounding, some numbness in arm

7:15 a.m. Fully woke up, some muscle stiffness, stomach pain

8:00 a.m. Took 4 mg Lexapro, 0,031 mg Xanax

8:30 a.m. Stomach is bloated and painful, some muscle pain, tiredness 

9:00 a.m. Drank chamomile tea, ate toasted bread with jam. Took magnesium. I feel so tired..when I try to walk a bit my whole body weights me down..and my heart starts to pound, I can't even lift a chair...what did this pills do to me...

10:00 a.m. In car, I feel so so sick, I think I'll vomit...I m not even able to bear the movement of the car.

10:30 a.m. We had to stop midway destination and return home as I am too sick. Last week I also was worse after being in the car. But before that I didn't have motion sickness since I was a little child. This is so disheartening...Why are my stomach symptoms only getting worse

11:00 a.m. At home, stomach still hurts but nausea is better. Took calcium carbonate.

12:45 a.m. Stomach calmed down a bit but still very uncomfortable...stiffness in muscles as well. I really wonder if discontinuing pantoprazole made my stomach worse...even tho I had this problem for around 1 week prior to stopping it, this being the reason for discontinuing.

1:50 p.m. Bad back and joint pain, stomach discomfort, feeling tired 

2:00 p.m. Ate soup

2:30 p.m. Some palpitations, I feel very agitated. Stomach pain is SO BAD

3:00 p.m. Knees feel hot

3:45 p.m. Stomach pain only a bit more bearable, back stiffness and pain

4:40 p.m. Tired, stomach is the same

5:30 p.m. It s so weird to see parts of my body moving on their own😭(for example my head shakes sometimes when resting, or one of my leg jerks) Stomach is a little better.

5:45 p.m. Having chills. Hands and feet are cold, back still hurts

6:15 p.m. Still having many symptoms but I feel a little better

7:30 p.m. Ate dinner, still pain and intense pressure in stomach after eating but mood is better for some reason

8:00 p.m. Took 0,125 mg Xanax

8:45 p.m. Stomach is better

10:30 p.m. Symptoms are not that intense, feeling better

11:20 p.m. Fell asleep

 

[LotusRising]

@Jayyy

 

It's hard to tell what's happening, since you already had WD symptoms from the olanzapine and then also reduced the xanax. You could be waking due to interdose withdrawal, but it's hard to know for sure because a lot of us have an exaggerated response to cortisol in WD, especially when it starts to rise. 

 

Do you feel a worsening of any symptoms prior to taking xanax in the morning? Do any symptoms go away an hour or so after taking it?

[Jayyy]

Not only did I reduced the Xanax at that time, but Lexapro as well...so it's no wonder that I'm in a big mess now...if I knew about this community earlier...

I'm not saying that I feel good when I wake up, but my most intense symptoms are actually after taking the morning doses(the stomach pain usually). I noticed that, before and after the evening dose, the symptoms calm down partially. So it might be that my body wants more Xanax as the dose in the morning is small compared to the evening one...but who knows, it might be due to Lexapro or Olanzapine withdrawal as well...

 

[LotusRising]

The way I see it, you have a few options:

 

1) keep things as they are,

2) even out your two doses,

3) even out and move your doses ahead, which might help you get through the 4am wake-up

4) or, you could split into 3 doses for better coverage

 

Personally, I liked keeping my doses even, to prevent fluctuations in plasma levels, but we're all different. I would make only one change at a time and then give yourself time to evaluate if it's helping. Let me know what you think.

[Jayyy]

Because I'll need to stick with the Xanax for a longer period of time, probably it will be safer to have 3 even doses taken...and to move them ahead, 10 am, 4 pm and 10 pm. The only thing I'm afraid is that the dose at 10 pm might not be enough to keep me asleep, because it will be less than a half from what I take now...

Is this the order I should do the changes?

-move the 2 doses at 9 a.m. and 9 p.m.

-move the 2 doses at 10 a.m. and 10 p.m.

-even out the 2 doses

-add a third dose at 4 pm

Also should I wait at least a week in between the changes? Or maybe 2

[LotusRising]

I would move the two doses forward over the next two days. You could wait a week to see if this helps.

 

If the goal is to split into three doses, I would just go ahead with the even split since it eliminates one extra change. But if you want to see if two even doses will help, you could even the two doses and hold this for a week. Any time there are changes, you can expect some bumps, but they should steady out over the week.

 

Does that make sense?

[Jayyy]

Yes, thank you.

I moved the 2 doses at 9:30 a.m. and 9.30 p.m.

I'll wait till my period passes and after I'll try to take 3 even doses and see how that works.

My stomach calmed down a bit these last 2 days...I know it can come back anytime but  these little windows give me hope...the other symptoms are still pretty rough (esp the fibromyalgia like symptoms) but I'm trying to get used to them...

[LotusRising]

Sounds good.

 

And happy to hear the stomach discomfort has eased up a bit.

 

In the early days, when I had a lot of body pain, I lived with a heating pad and spent a great deal of time in the bath. It looks like you take magnesium - have you tried adding epsom salts to a bath?

 

 

[Jayyy]

Yes, I tried epsom salt baths...the problem is I start to feel itchy after...so I don't think I should continue to use them.

Today I added a third dose of Xanax...I'm waiting to see how I'll sleep this night.

As I'm learning more about benzos I see that Xanax is so short acting that some people even take 5-6 doses a day...but that seems a very tough thing to do...it worries me that I have to take this for years while tapering Lexapro...

[LotusRising]

1 hour ago, Jayyy said:

Yes, I tried epsom salt baths...the problem is I start to feel itchy after.

Ok, yes, I remember this happening to me too. I worked around this a bit by showering after, and if I recall correctly, this seemed to help. 

 

1 hour ago, Jayyy said:

some people even take 5-6 doses a day.

Yes, indeed, some people do! It will depend on how fast you metabolize it. For me, when I took ativan on and off (similar half-life), I could feel the effects wearing off after about 4 hours. I think 3 doses is a good starting point to see how you do. You should give this a week or so to see how how symptoms are. 

 

I know it's daunting to think about how long this will take, but try not to focus/dwell on it. Once you are a little more stabilized, it will get easier to distract from this. At least, that's what my experience was. 

[N2deep]

Hi Jayyy, I just read your thread and want to add encouragement that things can get better. I was also put on olanzapine and told to come off it quickly by a know-nothing doctor. I had most of the same symptoms and was in a panic for a few months. I started at 5mg and after the symptoms hit I stabilized at 2.5mg. All of the insane symptoms eventually went away and now I'm tapering, and having no problems with it whatsoever so far. I couldn't have imagined that outcome when I was in full-blown panic mode for months. So don't assume that the way you felt after coming off the drug so quickly is how you will feel when slowly tapering the other drugs you're on. Chances are, you won't have a problem.

 

It is crazy what these so-called experts do to us without a thought ... but we're gonna get through this, mostly thanks to the great folks on this forum. You can check out my thread to see the state I was in when this all started.

[Jayyy]

Hi @N2deep, thank you for your words. Im very happy to hear that you stabilitised on that drug. I don't know why I didn't consider a second reinstatement, but thank God the acute phase didn't take too long.

I'm not doing great but I'm functioning somehow. My main symptom is still the stomach pain and bloating, and lexapro especially makes it worse immediately after I take it, maybe its still too activating after the previous withdrawal. Fatigue is still quite bad but muscle pain is way better and when more intense it doesn't last too long. Since taking 3 doses of Xanax I developed head pressure in the afternoon.

I had a really bad mental breakdown last evening when for the first time I felt worse before taking my xanax dose. Nausea and sweating, pointing to interdose withdrawal...it stopped after the dose. My mom saw me and was really angry that I'm still not reducing anymore of these pills as she considers them poison...and honestly I too feel the need to know I'm doing something, especially when I see my stomach problems only getting worse after I take them. I have two months of holding and around 3 months since stopping the olanzapine. I know this doesn't seem too much in the big picture but it pains me to know how short term use could lead to me wasting years of my life...

I'm considering a 5% reduction of my Lexapro to test the waters, if its too much I will come back to holding...

[Jayyy]

I think I might reconsider what I said and start to eliminate the Xanax instead, as I'm almost sure I have interdose withdrawal(my stomach hurted like hell today before taking the afternoon dose and calmed partially after, also when I wake up during the night my stomach usually hurts...and at such low of a dose it doesn't do too much for me...interdose withdrawals can be as harsh as any withdrawal and I can't keep continuing with that while tapering the lexapro. If it was another benzo I would consider leaving the benzo the last but with his short half life Xanax only will make everything worse. Its so hard to cut tiny little pieces of the pills at this dosage, it will be a mental torture to do that as I will taper the Lexapro. If things become too nasty I will stop reducing the Xanax because compared to Lexapro I will feel the increase in symptoms very fast. 

[LotusRising]

3 hours ago, Jayyy said:

I think I might reconsider what I said and start to eliminate the Xanax instead, as I'm almost sure I have interdose withdrawal(

 

Have you managed to break your xanax into 3 doses? Even if you decide to do the xanax taper first, you would still want to eliminate interdose withdrawal while you taper. And you've looked into a liquid version where you are?

[Jayyy]

Yes, I'm taking 3 doses...but nothing really changed. Sadly in my country I can't get any pill in liquid form...I'll try to measure the doses as best as I can with the scale even tho they aren't that accurate...

[Jayyy]

I read more stories and it seems holding is the best thing that I can do for now...mental breakdowns make me want to stop them for good and deal with it but when I calm down the more I think about it the more I am reminded what inhumane suffering I had to endure in the early days. I'm only hoping my insufferable stomach pain will calm down so I can be more hopeful about this whole thing.

[Jayyy]

Almost daily, around 2 hours after I take my Lexapro dose I get extremely drowsy, so bad that I can't fight it back...I dont even know how to describe this but I felt less sleepy when I didn't sleep for days. Is like a force is pushing my eyes close. Very bad pressure on the eyes and sinuses. If I give up to resist and try to sleep I get very agitated and my body starts to feel extremely uncomfortable and tense for some reason...I know withdrawal is worse in the morning but this seems like a side effect not withdrawal...It's an extremely disabling issue as I can't do anything but suffer while it lasts around 3 hours after it begins...I just try to fight myself not to close my eyes but it's forcing me...It seems like the effects of Lexapro changed drastically after the begging of withdrawal.

I feel sleepy almost the whole day even if I sleep at night(I wake up trough the night but I fall asleep again eventually), possibly because of Xanax...but what I feel around 10 am-1 pm is soul crushing...

I know it might be Lexapro and Xanax interaction but the doses have almost 2 hours in between and I start to feel weird even before I take the Xanax. 

I'm still going to hold since I still have a lot of muscle, joint and dysautonomia issues, but these pills have such a strong effect on me even at low dosages that scare me so much...they are destroying my gut and make me feel so drowsy.

There is no solution to this probably but to push trough I guess and hope when I'll start to wean slowly things will become better...I wanted to mention this as I don't know what it's the best for me due to this reaction.

[Pidgeon]

Hard for me to advise about bezos with little knowledge about them... Though is it possible to cross-taper or replace xanax with something that has safer withdrawal and possibly less sedating for you such as lorazepam? Might be worth asking your doctor.

 

Does your anxiety come and go or stay for a while?

[LotusRising]

3 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Almost daily, around 2 hours after I take my Lexapro dose I get extremely drowsy, so bad that I can't fight it back...I dont even know how to describe this but I felt less sleepy when I didn't sleep for days. Is like a force is pushing my eyes close. Very bad pressure on the eyes and sinuses.

 

This could also be a WD symptom - you just described what I've been dealing with for quite some time. I'm only just starting to come out of it. How are you doing otherwise? Is dosing 3 times daily helping at all? Have your symptoms changed at all?

[LotusRising]

2 hours ago, Pidgeon said:

Though is it possible to cross-taper or replace xanax with something that has safer withdrawal and possibly less sedating for you such as lorazepam?

@Pidgeon all benzos are sedating, and it would make little sense to cross over to an equally short half-life benzo like lorazepam.

[Jayyy]

22 hours ago, LotusRising said:

 

This could also be a WD symptom - you just described what I've been dealing with for quite some time. I'm only just starting to come out of it.

I'm sorry you had to experience this as well...does it appear to you at a certain time interval or its random?

22 hours ago, LotusRising said:

How are you doing otherwise? Is dosing 3 times daily helping at all? Have your symptoms changed at all?

What dissapeared for quite sometime is nerve pain, inner agitation and palpitations. The feeling of heaviness in body is a little better, night sweats, jerks, hot patches, crying spells are less frequent(I still cry because of the trauma and worry for my future but this is normal). New symptom after this change is head pressure that I usually have in the evening. Still having many others.

 

At the same time I know withdrawal symptoms are not linear and probably I will experience old symptoms again, especially when I'll start to taper. I don't really think I have interdose withdrawal anymore, as my acute symptoms were pretty brutal so it makes sense I'll still feel bad for a longer period of time...

[LotusRising]

3 hours ago, Jayyy said:

I'm sorry you had to experience this as well...does it appear to you at a certain time interval or its random?

 

Yes, it starts almost like clockwork right after lunch - the pressure sets in behind my eyes and I usually have to lay down and close my eyes for a bit. Is there a pattern to yours?

 

That's good that you're having some symptoms fade away! I'm sorry you're still getting new ones, but this is very common. 

 

I'm glad that dosing 3 times a day is helping. 

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing  

[Jayyy]

It usually gets pretty bad around 30 min after taking the morning dose of xanax. It literally forces me to sleep...and it lasts intensely about 1 1/2-2 hours. After this I start to return to my baseline. This is confusing as around this time I had my worst symptoms since the beginning of withdrawal...probably symptoms are changing...and maybe the other meds exacerbate them somehow

[LotusRising]

Ok, this sleepiness is a very common side effect of xanax and should diminish as you reduce your dose. 

[Jayyy]

Hello, something bad happened today.

I made the mistake to reduce by 5-6% my Lexapro dose as I felt more stable and today after 20 min from taking my Xanax dose I felt that something is extremely wrong. I felt like something bad was coming and that I'm going to die. I knew it might be a panic attack but I didn't have one since July being this intense. My legs started to tense pretty bad and I started shaking. Feeling like I have not enough oxigen going to my brain. And what was different from the panic attacks that I experienced is that I feel something is extremely wrong with me. Like I have some weird sensation in brain, some kind of pressure and dissociation. I feel like something is extremely wrong and I'm on the verge to pass out. I burst in tears feeling something really bad happened. I'm so nauseous and my stomach hurts so bad. I'm extremely angry as well. I don't know if it's the Lexapro as it's only been 2 days but I think it's wise to go back to 4 mg. Honestly I'm leaning more into believing Xanax is the culprit as everything happened after I took the dose. Every morning, how I said in the previous posts, after 20-30 min after I take it I began to feel extremely bad. But today was horror. At the same time the Lexapro might take effect later and it acts at the same time with the Xanax, so it's very hard to know what is the problem.

I really feel like there is no way out of this mess. I'm so tired of suffering, but I'm only 19 and I'm not ready to leave. I'm so afraid to have a seizure or something because these pills are so small and I can't weight them accurately. What happened today might be from this reason alone. I feel like this situation if far from what I can handle and I really don't know how to survive through this.

[meehai]

14 minutes ago, Jayyy said:

Hello, something bad happened today.

I made the mistake to reduce by 5-6% my Lexapro dose as I felt more stable and today after 20 min from taking my Xanax dose I felt that something is extremely wrong. I felt like something bad was coming and that I'm going to die. I knew it might be a panic attack but I didn't have one since July being this intense. My legs started to tense pretty bad and I started shaking. Feeling like I have not enough oxigen going to my brain. And what was different from the panic attacks that I experienced is that I feel something is extremely wrong with me. Like I have some weird sensation in brain, some kind of pressure and dissociation. I feel like something is extremely wrong and I'm on the verge to pass out. I burst in tears feeling something really bad happened. I'm so nauseous and my stomach hurts so bad. I'm extremely angry as well. I don't know if it's the Lexapro as it's only been 2 days but I think it's wise to go back to 4 mg. Honestly I'm leaning more into believing Xanax is the culprit as everything happened after I took the dose. Every morning, how I said in the previous posts, after 20-30 min after I take it I began to feel extremely bad. But today was horror. At the same time the Lexapro might take effect later and it acts at the same time with the Xanax, so it's very hard to know what is the problem.

I really feel like there is no way out of this mess. I'm so tired of suffering, but I'm only 19 and I'm not ready to leave. I'm so afraid to have a seizure or something because these pills are so small and I can't weight them accurately. What happened today might be from this reason alone. I feel like this situation if far from what I can handle and I really don't know how to survive trough this.

I think this might've been just a panic attack. I was really sensitive when I reduced my gabapentin too and had huge anxiety and my first panic attacks.

 

I also have those scary thoughts of having seizures, but the chances are pretty small. I also get the weird "brain" sensations on some meds but technically you can't feel your brain, it's just your muscles. And Im sure what you're experiencing is definitely a lot more than what I've had, but, please try to stay calm. The psych can mimic so many conditions in your body, it's scary.

 

Also, benzodiazepines are used in calming seizures.*

 

Is there any way you can space out Lexapro and Xanax with a few hours gap? First taking Xanax as it's fast acting, wait a few hours, see how you feel then go with Lexapro?

[LotusRising]

@Jayyy

 

I know we've discussed dosing three times a day, but are you doing this? - it is not clear in your signature.

 

What times o'clock do you take your medications?

[Jayyy]

8 hours ago, meehai said:

I think this might've been just a panic attack. I was really sensitive when I reduced my gabapentin too and had huge anxiety and my first panic attacks.

 

I also have those scary thoughts of having seizures, but the chances are pretty small. I also get the weird "brain" sensations on some meds but technically you can't feel your brain, it's just your muscles. And Im sure what you're experiencing is definitely a lot more than what I've had, but, please try to stay calm. The psych can mimic so many conditions in your body, it's scary.

 

Also, benzodiazepines are used in calming seizures.*

 

Is there any way you can space out Lexapro and Xanax with a few hours gap? First taking Xanax as it's fast acting, wait a few hours, see how you feel then go with Lexapro?

Thank you for your reply.

I already take them 2 hours apart and because I have to take Xanax 3 times a day I don't think dosing differently would help...maybe push to 3 hours apart? I don't know what to think about that...

[Jayyy]

38 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

@Jayyy

 

I know we've discussed dosing three times a day, but are you doing this? - it is not clear in your signature.

 

What times o'clock do you take your medications?

Yes I take Xanax 3 times a day. I never missed a dose.

8:00 a.m. 3.8 mg Lexapro

10:00 a.m. 0,052 mg Xanax(I took it at 9:30 a.m. before but I pushed it to 10:00 a.m. for the last month to see if my reaction would change, but hardly anything changed)

3:30 p.m 0,052 mg Xanax

9:30 p.m. 0,052 mg Xanax

 

 

[meehai]

2 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Thank you for your reply.

I already take them 2 hours apart and because I have to take Xanax 3 times a day I don't think dosing differently would help...maybe push to 3 hours apart? I don't know what to think about that...

I was asking about taking them apart to see which one is causing those feelings. But if you said you space them out already, it's very probably the Xanax. 

 

2 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Yes I take Xanax 3 times a day. I never missed a dose.

8:00 a.m. 3.8 mg Lexapro

10:00 a.m. 0,052 mg Xanax(I took it at 9:30 a.m. before but I pushed it to 10:00 a.m. for the last month to see if my reaction would change, but hardly anything changed)

3:30 p.m 0,052 mg Xanax

9:30 p.m. 0,052 mg Xanax

 

 

Do you get the same effects all three times a day?

[Jayyy]

I don't know what's happening...woke up at 4:30 a.m. and now is 10:30 a.m. and since then my gut pain is unbearable...it feels like I ve been kicked several times and I'm bleeding from the insides and I'm not exaggerating. I don't even know what's the cause. I can't say if it was the stupid reduction of 5% or if I'm having interdose withdrawal overnight. Yesterday I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with stomach pain, and restlessness in body, stretching and moving my arms and legs. This whole week was awful. At the same time these still can be olanzapine wd symptoms changing...but how am I supposed to know which is the cause? I'm doomed I really am. I didn't have these severe gut symptoms since the beginning of wd. I'm constantly spitting stomach liquid which irritates my esophagus and feeling like I'm going to puke any minute...I still have pain in my body, but my gut is destroyed, its too much pain...and my gut is worse everytime I take another pill. I'm really afraid to have developed a gastritis or an ulcer.

Given the severity of my symptoms when I stopped olanzapine after only 4 weeks, I am extremely sensitive to them and I'm so afraid everyday still having to push them in my system. I feel like I'm playing games with my life and I don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel like I CTed all of them at the same time but I still have to torture myself taking 2 of them. Everyone around me tells me to just stop them and it's not helping me. I'm mentally still a child and this doesn't help at all.

How could that doctor be so evil to tell me she will send me to the psych ward if I'm not taking all of them at least a month? Only for having bad panic attacks during my exam period. My life destroyed that fast and I can't do nothing with my high scores if I'm dead.  My mom and I are feeling so hopeless, we really don't know what to do. 

I know my situation is very messed up and you have no way of helping me but I just wanted to vent while I'm feeling tortured. I was always excessively sensitive since I was a little child, never drank alcohol, I was never tempted to smoke, nothing of this sort. I suffered all my life given how sensitive I am to my surroundings and I really don't know how to deal with unbearable pain long term. I am traumatised on top of it that I discovered how many people go trough hell and are losing their lives with withdrawal and adverse reactions. I didn't know something so evil could exist. When I start to cry I feel like I'm grieving for all those who go trough this pain and its not helping at all. This is too much for me as an overly sensitive person. 

[Jayyy]

On 1/2/2024 at 11:12 PM, meehai said:

Do you get the same effects all three times a day?

Not really, I usually feel extremely bad around an hour before taking them and if I'm lucky I get some slight relief in my symptoms after 1 h/ 1 h and half that lasts 2h/3h...

[meehai]

2 hours ago, Jayyy said:

I don't know what's happening...woke up at 4:30 a.m. and now is 10:30 a.m. and since then my gut pain is unbearable...it feels like I ve been kicked several times and I'm bleeding from the insides and I'm not exaggerating. I don't even know what's the cause. I can't say if it was the stupid reduction of 5% or if I'm having interdose withdrawal overnight. Yesterday I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with stomach pain, and restlessness in body, stretching and moving my arms and legs. This whole week was awful. At the same time these still can be olanzapine wd symptoms changing...but how am I supposed to know which is the cause? I'm doomed I really am. I didn't have these severe gut symptoms since the beginning of wd. I'm constantly spitting stomach liquid which irritates my esophagus and feeling like I'm going to puke any minute...I still have pain in my body, but my gut is destroyed, its too much pain...and my gut is worse everytime I take another pill. I'm really afraid to have developed a gastritis or an ulcer.

Given the severity of my symptoms when I stopped olanzapine after only 4 weeks, I am extremely sensitive to them and I'm so afraid everyday still having to push them in my system. I feel like I'm playing games with my life and I don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel like I CTed all of them at the same time but I still have to torture myself taking 2 of them. Everyone around me tells me to just stop them and it's not helping me. I'm mentally still a child and this doesn't help at all.

How could that doctor be so evil to tell me she will send me to the psych ward if I'm not taking all of them at least a month? Only for having bad panic attacks during my exam period. My life destroyed that fast and I can't do nothing with my high scores if I'm dead.  My mom and I are feeling so hopeless, we really don't know what to do. 

I know my situation is very messed up and you have no way of helping me but I just wanted to vent while I'm feeling tortured. I was always excessively sensitive since I was a little child, never drank alcohol, I was never tempted to smoke, nothing of this sort. I suffered all my life given how sensitive I am to my surroundings and I really don't know how to deal with unbearable pain long term. I am traumatised on top of it that I discovered how many people go trough hell and are losing their lives with withdrawal and adverse reactions. I didn't know something so evil could exist. When I start to cry I feel like I'm grieving for all those who go trough this pain and its not helping at all. This is too much for me as an overly sensitive person. 

Have you gotten that checked up? Might be something unrelated to those meds, cause it sounds horrible.

It can probably be, but it's better to rule out other possible causes.

 

Those meds are messing you up too much, a psych ward wouldn't be that bad, if they would help you taper them (which I doubt). 

 

The only solution here would be to CT, but that might be even more horrible. Please try to seek a professional psychiatrist, you need to be under some kind of observation...😔

 

 

[Jayyy]

I will go to a gastro doctor, but I know its the withdrawal. Never had this insane GI issues...I know you want to help but you should know better than anyone that I don't think we have that kind of psychiatrists in Romania...and I won't last a day in a psych ward. That kind of place is worse than a prison. They will tell me my problems are in my head when I'm obviously in physical pain. And there are chances I will be CTed and forced other meds. If that would happen I am done. 

And I don't plan to CT in any way possible, if I'm going to suffer I want at least to leave some slight hope for recovery, it will help me mentally at least.