Jayyy: Introduction

October 2, 2023

Hello, I'm new here and I want to share my story. Sorry if it is a bit long.

When I was 8 years old I had very bad OCD and was put on Risperidone for around a month. I don't remember feeling bad on it other that I gained a lot of weight.

Now I'm 18 years old and back in June this year I had extremely bad panic attacks(it was my first time experiencing them, and they lasted for hours) because of exams and bad OCD and ended up in the ER 2 times thinking I was dying. There I was given olanzapine 2,5 mg (to get trough the nights to be able to take my exams). I can't understand how I was able to pass them in that condition. I ended up immediately in the ER after the last one. Then after one week I still had extreme anxiety because of fear of having another panick attack(I was experiencing them constantly) and I went to the psychiatrist looking for salvation. There the doctor still kept the 2,5 mg olanzapine for sleep and gave me 0,25 mg xanax a day, and escitalopram 5 mg. I still experienced severe anxiety and panic attacks for some time but the fact that olanzapine sedated me in the night made it bearable. Because of severe anxiety I upped my dose of Xanax to 0,375 mg. After one month of this treatment I started to have less symptoms(my headaches and dizziness dissapeared, my heart rate began to return to normal values, the feelings of anxiety were fewer and fewer etc) and I decided to get rid of olanzapine because I didn't like the sedation it gave me (12 hours of sleep) and other weird sensations(my psychiatrist told me to quit CT because it is low). One week after stopping it was great, I was sleeping good and felt more alive again. Then the horror began. I was getting insomnia(I would randomnly wake up around 2 am), muscle aches and burning sensations all over my body, extreme anxiety, nausea, bursts of crying and feeling I was soon gonna die because I couldn't bear the sensations. Then I began taking it again and I slept for one night. The next one I wasn't able to sleep even with it. So I started to lower the dose and bear all the feelings. I was on 1,25 mg about two weeks and 0,625 mg for almost 2 weeks. During that one month taper I began to feel better and better, I thought that everything will come back to normal, and I even lowered my dose of Xanax to only 0,25 mg a day. I thought it was enough for this dose that is considered low. It wasn't. After one week of taking my last dose of 0,625 mg olanzapine I started to have insomnia again, and starting to feel aches all over my body. I developed a weird nausea(which is unbearable at certain times) accompanied by constant restlessness, agitation, increased heart rate, need of constant movement, tension and severe pain in all muscles in my body, night sweats and tremors. I feel suicidal again because I feel I can't bear the pain these sensations give me. At this point the only thing keeping me alive is my mom. I'm only 18 and can't understand why I have to go through this nightmare. I've read a lot of information and came to the conclusion that this is probably withdrawal akathisia. The fact that people say this can last for months leave me feeling hopless. I was meant to go to college in another city, to start my life. I will lose my few friends if I stay home and I will not have how to socialise, but I don't have another option. Everyday it's a struggle, and I force myself to survive this hell. (This was written 3 weeks ago)

I am now able to sleep decently even though it is a bit hard to relax before falling asleep and I tend to wake up several times in some nights. Muscle and joint pain, accompanied by severe muscle tension is still present almost constantly at different intensities trough the day(in the first 2 weeks of withdrawal I couldn't sleep because of the pain). I don't feel the urge to pace anymore as in the first week but I still feel very uncomfortable in my body. Another symptom that drives me crazy is the nausea that comes and goes, it feels like burning and extreme pressure. I also have an overwhelming feeling of internal agitation. I remember in the first week begging for death every second as I felt as my soul was tortured. I had very bad crying spells with my mom that suffers together with me(I remember saying to her that I cant take it anymore). I was so bad that I thought I will end up in the psych ward. Now I'm better emotionally but I still struggle with all the overwhelming physical symptoms(They are so intense sometimes that I wish I could cut my limbs off). I made a mistake last week and reduced my escitalopram to 3,75 mg(25% reduction) as I was so angry at how some pills could make me feel, but I learned that I should wait to stabilize before tapering more. I am currently on 3,75 mg escitalopram and 0,15 mg xanax. I don't plan to reinstate anything as that can be dangerous as well.

It's hard to accept this new reality.

Edited October 2, 2023 by FireflyFyte
updated title

October 2, 2023

Hi Jayy,

Welcome to SA. Thank you for summarizing your drug history in your signature.

I understand that you are worried about reinstatement but would encourage you to read more about it at About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

I would ask you to stop making any drug changes while you are experiencing withdrawals. It is best to taper when you are stable and it sounds like that is not your current state. Is your goal to taper off all of your current medication?

Thanks,

Firefly

October 2, 2023

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I want to get rid off all the medication as it caused me so much suffering. I regret every second that I was put on them. Olanzapine is evil. I was on it for such a short amount of time and the withdrawal made me to almost kill myself. I don't want to reinstate as I seen some small improvements over these 3 weeks of withdrawal. I just want to let my brain adjust without the drug...I will hold to the curent dose of escitalopram and xanax for a while and hope for the better. The problem is that I don't have access to liquid form of escitalopram in my country, and I can't cut the pill smaller than a 25% reduction...

October 2, 2023

Yes, I think a hold right now is your best option especially if reinstatement is off the table.

Once you are feeling better, you can continue your taper of Lexapro. We have guidelines at Tips for tapering off escitalopram (Lexapro). Since you cannot get the liquid form in your country, you can decide if cutting and weighing your pills or creating your own liquid solution works best for you. Regardless of the method, we recommend dropping no more than 10% per month. You can read more about why at Why taper by 10% of my dosage?.

October 5, 2023

Hello again, I am not feeling any better as I still wake up from my sleep due to very tense and painful muscles and severe episodes of terror in the morning (aprox. 2 hours after taking my lexapro dose, I don't know if it is because of it or still olanzapine withdrawal...I'll pay more attention to the timeline). For example today it lasted 2 hours(2 days ago it was shorter, but in the first week it was almost all the time) in which I wanted to die, but took a beta-blocker and as my tachycardia(130 bpm) went down I felt a relief, even tho internal agitation is almost all the time present at a bearable level. I also still have stomach ache...But what I want to ask is what adverse reactions could I face if I transition to self made liquid lexapro as I'm afraid of making further mistakes...The pills that I have are very hard to cut and Im afraid in these two past weeks I didn't cut them evenly...that's why I want to transition to liquid to not make any more mistakes...I should have stayed at 5 mg until I would've seen improvements with my olanzapine withdrawal...

October 6, 2023

On 10/5/2023 at 11:56 AM, Jayyy said:

But what I want to ask is what adverse reactions could I face if I transition to self made liquid lexapro as I'm afraid of making further mistakes...The pills that I have are very hard to cut and Im afraid in these two past weeks I didn't cut them evenly...that's why I want to transition to liquid to not make any more mistakes...

We recommend slowly transitioning from pill to a liquid form so you can monitor for any adverse reactions. A schedule to cross-over may look like -

3/4 pill and 1/4 liquid for 7 days
1/2 pill and 1/2 liquid for 7 days
1/4 pill and 3/4 liquid for 7 days

On 10/5/2023 at 11:56 AM, Jayyy said:

I should have stayed at 5 mg until I would've seen improvements with my olanzapine withdrawal...

We suggest only making one change at a time so that you can isolate what is causing issues.

October 21, 2023

Hi, I want to write an update.

Now I am 6 weeks into withdrawal and 7 weeks since quiting olanzapine.

Some things are slightly better and some things not...

I did not experience another episode of extreme terror since I made my last update 2 weeks ago. My muscle and joint pains are not that frequent anymore. I still have inner agitation and stomach aches but I feel I can tolerate them better now as I'm getting used to these nasty feelings...Sleep is not perfect as I still wake up several times and I am in pain or sweating but I get around 6-7 hours of sleep. My body jerks are also not that bothersome but still present.

On the other side I still feel uncomfortable in my body as it gets very tense at times...

New symptoms seemed to emerge at 2 weeks after reducing my lexapro dose...I started to feel pins and needles(which cause slight itchiness sometimes), electric like feeling trough my body, skin sensitivity to certain materials, and a very hot feeling almost like burning(mostly around my ankles, elbows and lower back).

I cry almost every day as I'm so scared and traumatised of this situation. I never imagined something so evil could be done to some people...I am scared but I want to fight in the same time. My main fear is that I took 3 different medications...I may have withdrawal from all of them...I am so afraid that I will be stuck with lexapro and xanax for a long time before I stabilize to taper more...and in the same time I feel like they will slow the healing or make it worse...

Some days are so bad that I feel hopeless...especially mornings...when many symptoms hit at the same time.

I decided not to do a liquid taper as I'm afraid to how my body will react to a new formula...I'm wating for my scale to arrive to make capsules out of my lexapro to have more precise dosages as I'm still cutting the pills and I know they aren't even. I read that some people react weird even to powder capsules but the self made liquid seems more risky to me...

I have a question regarding supplements. Is there any chance I will react badly to magnesium glycinate if I have some months of taking magnesium orotate? I heard is better for calming purposes and I want to give it a try...

Sorry for the long post.

October 22, 2023

The burning and all the weird skin sensations scare me so much. I feel so hopeless...my life has been destroyed so fast...I don't want to end up in a psych yard because of stupid psychiatrists...my mom is broken seeing me in so much pain...I'm so young and I don't want to lose my life...I haven't even had the chance to live it yet...I can't stop crying as I'm terrified of everything...I want to stay hopeful but it is so hard...

October 23, 2023

Hello, I already made an introduction post but I want to figure what is the best solution to get out of the mess I'm in.

I have 6 weeks of withdrawal from olanzapine from quiting it 7 weeks ago. It was pure hell in the first 2 weeks of withdrawal. Extreme muscle pain in all my body, constant tension, agitation, feeling the need to pace, insomnia because of the inabilitity to relax and pain, awful inner terror which made me suicidal, nausea, stomach ache, cold night sweats, body jerks, crying spells. Before quiting the olanzapine I also reduced my dose of Xanax, but I know for sure it was the olanzapine because I had the same symptoms when CTed it the first time.

I made the mistake to also reduce the dose of Lexapro 1 month ago because I was so angry at how some pills could put me in hell.

Now I'm left with around 4 mg Lexapro(I don't know the exact measure because I can't cut the pill perfectly) and 0,155 mg Xanax.

I seem to have been getting better with the muscle pain as I have bad episodes of pain only like 1 day a week and the rest are only random pains that don't last too long...

The main problem I have now is that 2 weeks ago I started to develop burning in some areas around my body which really scare me. I also have frequent pins and needles and electric shocks trough the body which make me extremely uncomfortable paired with the muscle tension that is so bad sometimes.

Another problem that overwhelms me is that almost everyday since the withdrawal I seem to have terrible internal agitation after 1-2 hours of taking the lexapro in the morning that gets a little better as the day passes. Sometimes I need to take a beta-blocker as my heart rate rises and doesn't settle which increases the agitation. Also I get extremely sleepy and if I try to fall asleep my agitation gets worse. I don't seem to have this reaction after taking the Xanax in the evening. So my guess is that I react badly to the Lexapro after being in the withdrawal from olanzapine...

I don't know what to do as I feel I'm in withdrawal from all 3 of them but in the same time I have adverse reaction from the Lexapro.

I know I should wait and tapper when I'm more stable but I'm so bad it seems I need at least a year to feel better...I don't want to be stuck with them for that long...

I suffered so much over these weeks that I wonder how I'm still alive...all this for some weeks on these medications that I didn't even know how dangerous can be...

I'm so sorry for writing this much but I'm in such a bad shape that I could write so much about all the weird sensations that I feel...I'm a little better in some days and I hit ground 0 in the others...Yesterday I had such a bad crying spell that I couldn't control at all and I cry almost everyday...I'm hopeless and only 18...I gave up college and everything...I don't know who else to tell all of these...

October 23, 2023

Hi @Jayyy

I’m a member on SA and have just seen your post - I’m terribly sorry to hear how much you’re suffering. Sending you loads of support.

Kieran

October 23, 2023

Thank you @Kieran, every word means so much to me ❤️

October 23, 2023

My pleasure @Jayyy I’m also finding things really tough on a daily basis so I do understand how hard it must be for you. From my experience I know this can be a very isolating, lonely time too so hopefully it helps to know that the community here is backing us and wishing us well. Which I am to you…

Kieran

October 24, 2023

On 10/23/2023 at 12:13 PM, Jayyy said:

Hello, I already made an introduction post but I want to figure what is the best solution to get out of the mess I'm in.

Per the site's guidelines, please keep all of your questions to your singular introductory post.

On 10/23/2023 at 12:13 PM, Jayyy said:

I'm so sorry for writing this much but I'm in such a bad shape that I could write so much about all the weird sensations that I feel...I'm a little better in some days and I hit ground 0 in the others

It sounds like you are experiencing The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization.

On 10/23/2023 at 12:13 PM, Jayyy said:

So my guess is that I react badly to the Lexapro after being in the withdrawal from olanzapine...

My advice continues to be a very small reinstatement of Olanzapine to see if it lifts any of your withdrawal symptoms.

October 29, 2023

Hello, I don't plan to reinstate as I'm seeing small progress...it's still hard but a little better...I'm extremely sensitive right now and a reinstatement to this med seems dangerous...and I also had bad reactions on it...

Update on symptoms

I haven't cried in a week 😭...this is a big achievement...

I want to divide the symptoms that I have now in 2 parts, severe and bearable.

Severe:

-my stomach feels extremely irritated almost all the time in different intensities. It also feels like being squized or like I have extreme pressure on it. A lot of gas and somtimes reflux also. The weird thing is that I feel all the inner agitation stored in the stomach as well. The stuff related to the stomach is definitely the hardest to deal with. I don't struggle to eat tho...at least

Bearable:

-muscle pain and tension(they lessened in intensity and are not that frequent anymore)

-burning patches(they come and go)

-chills(rarely)

-pins and needles(rarely)

-feeling the urge to cry(I can control it better)

-extreme fatigue almost like sedated(this is quite uncomfortable but I don't mind it that much)

-head pressure(the same as the one above)

The last 2 ones are quite new but are not that severe.

I'll be holding on my current dosages until I feel more improvement with my current symptoms, especially with the stomach ones.

It's hard to have precise dosages with the gemini scale but this is the best I can do...

November 3, 2023

My stomach hurts so bad it's insupportable...I struggle almost every moment of the day...I feel so hopeless being in withdrawal from an antipsychotic, and maybe from the antidepressant and a benzo as well...I don't know if I have tolerance from the xanax or interdose withdrawal as there were THREE meds involved at the same time...I am so so scared for my life...I am extremely traumatised...I feel my heart shattering every moment I think I will have to endure this for many years...I don't want to be forced to do something stupid when I can't bear the pain anymore...

As I learn more on how severe my symptoms are compered to others my will to fight this nightmare is dimming...My symptoms are almost entirely physical and I'm terrified...Aside from my unbearable stomach pain, I have pain in ALL my body moving from one place to another...It stops at certain times but almost all the time one part of my body hurts...

I feel so hated by my fate, not only did I struggle to fit in this world since I was a child, now I was destroyed completely in a matter of an extremely short time...AT LEAST if I would have taken them for a longer period of time I would maybe bear the consequences different, but it is so UNFAIR that I have to go trough something worse than death after only one month of use.

AT LEAST IF IT WAS A SINGLE MED...BUT THERE WERE 3 AND IM STILL STUCK WITH 2....and all of them are meds that killed people...

As how bad my early days of withdrawal from olanzapine were (possibly the reduction from xanax and lexapro as well contributing), where I had akathisia, I can't see stabilisation possible for me in at least some years...and I need stabilisation in order to taper the rest...I FEEL SO TRAPPED...I can't taper because I can't bear to have akathisia again on top of my current symptoms but I can't see healing while still taking both an antidepressant and a benzo.

Anyone, it doesn't matter who you are, please leave some words here as I feel so alone and desperate in my suffering...

November 3, 2023

2 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Brzuch boli mnie tak bardzo, że nie da się wytrzymać... Walczę prawie w każdej chwili dnia... Czuję się tak beznadziejnie, odstawiając lek przeciwpsychotyczny, a może też antydepresant i benzo... Nie wiem jeśli mam tolerancję na xanax lub odstawienie kilku dawek, ponieważ w tym samym czasie przyjmowano TRZY leki… Tak bardzo boję się o swoje życie… Mam ogromną traumę… Czuję, że moje serce pęka w każdej chwili, myślę Będę musiała to znosić przez wiele lat... Nie chcę być zmuszana do zrobienia czegoś głupiego, kiedy nie mogę już znieść bólu...

Kiedy dowiaduję się więcej o tym, jak poważne są moje objawy w porównaniu z innymi, moja wola walki z tym koszmarem słabnie... Moje objawy są prawie całkowicie fizyczne i jestem przerażony... Oprócz nieznośnego bólu brzucha, odczuwam ból WSZYSTKICH moje ciało przemieszcza się z miejsca na miejsce... Zatrzymuje się w pewnych momentach, ale prawie cały czas boli mnie jedna część ciała...

Czuję się tak znienawidzony przez swój los, że nie tylko od dziecka starałem się dopasować do tego świata, ale teraz zostałem całkowicie zniszczony w ciągu niezwykle krótkiego czasu… PRZYNAJMNIEJ gdybym wziął je na jakiś czas dłuższy okres czasu może inaczej poniósłbym konsekwencje, ale jest to na tyle NIEUCZCIWE, że już po miesiącu używania muszę przejść przez coś gorszego niż śmierć.

JEŚLI TO BYŁ JEDEN LEK... ALE BYŁY 3, A MNIE WCIĄŻ UtknęŁY NA 2... i wszystkie to leki, które zabijały ludzi...

Biorąc pod uwagę, jak złe były moje pierwsze dni odstawienia olanzapiny (prawdopodobnie przyczyniło się do tego zmniejszenie dawki xanaxu i lexapro), gdzie wystąpiła akatyzja, nie widzę możliwości stabilizacji w moim przypadku przez co najmniej kilka lat… a stabilizacji potrzebuję aby złagodzić resztę...CZUJĘ SIĘ TAK UWIERZONY...Nie mogę zmniejszyć dawki, ponieważ nie mogę znieść ponownej akatyzji oprócz moich obecnych objawów, ale nie widzę uzdrowienia, mimo że nadal biorę oba leki przeciwdepresyjne i benzo.

Każdy, nie ma znaczenia, kim jesteś, proszę, zostaw tutaj kilka słów, ponieważ czuję się samotny i zdesperowany w moim cierpieniu...

There are a lot of brave people here. I read how women are planning a baby and coping with WD and have plans for recovery so it's good to have a plan for recovery.
I am very worried about my stomach problems at the moment I become unphysical then and I think what I was like before taking SSRI (generic lexapro) last year, I recall how physically healthy I was.

November 3, 2023

6 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Anyone, it doesn't matter who you are, please leave some words here as I feel so alone and desperate in my suffering...

Are you currently in therapy or is it a possible option for you? While we do foster support here, it is also important that we know how to support ourselves during withdrawals.

November 3, 2023

I’m thinking of you @Jayyy

November 4, 2023

On 11/3/2023 at 6:23 PM, FireflyFyte said:

Are you currently in therapy or is it a possible option for you? While we do foster support here, it is also important that we know how to support ourselves during withdrawals.

I live in a quite isolated place so no...but I am very lucky to have an extremely empathetic mother who is trying her best to calm me down when I am desperate...She truly believes everything I say to her and is suffering together with me...Sorry that I made it sound like I have no one but I had a really bad meltdown from the constant stomach ache....Today it calmed down but it was replaced with inner agitation...this isn't easy to deal with either but I can tolerate it better.

November 4, 2023

18 hours ago, Kieran said:

I’m thinking of you @Jayyy

Thank you so much. How are you feeling with your taper?

November 4, 2023

Currently in a wave of quite strong depression (not sure if caused by reinstatement, taper or an emotional reaction to the particularly tough last six months) but I’m trying to keep on keeping on. I’m experiencing feelings of emotional disconnection which is hard - my best friend stayed with me last week and I made him a lamb curry ( it was good but didn’t get much pleasure from making it) but I don’t feel the same interpersonal connection as I used to which is sad. I feel detached from people and compare myself mercilessly to my old self. I hope one day this will pass and I will heal and hope you will too.

November 5, 2023

Wish you all the best @Kieran

November 5, 2023

Jayyy, I understand your feeling of anger and isolation and loneliness, because I've been there myself. Please try and do whatever you can to hold onto hope. There is hope for you. It's wonderful that your mother is supporting you in this.

On 11/3/2023 at 4:55 AM, Jayyy said:

I can't see stabilisation possible for me in at least some years.

Actually, if you hold on your current doses of your other drugs, and do not skip doses, you should be able to stabilize, and come out of acute withdrawal in a reasonable amount of time. Stay away from all alcohol and other mind altering substances. Try to take this just one day at a time, and not project into the future. You can get through this. Thousands have recovered from the same situation, and you can, too.

Please read this carefully, it can really help. And, try to learn some non drug coping techniques, these will really help, too.

Techniques for Managing Withdrawal

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

November 6, 2023

Thank you very much for your encouragement @getofflex. It is incredibly hard to get trough the days as lately stomach pain has been almost constant. Last week I only had one day where it has lessened(Saturday) but yesterday it hit very hard accompanied by extreme weakness...it was aggravated after I took 2.5 mg of bisoprolol to calm my increased heart rate and after trying to walk...From now on I will take the beta-blocker only in extreme need.

Another thing to note is that I have a week since I discontinued my 20 mg pantoprazole that I took almost daily the past 4 months because I had another week prior to that in which I had constant stomach pain even with it. I doubt it is from this pill as I had stomach problems since the beginning of withdrawal, its just that it's very bad lately.

The only thing that keeps me going for now is that my other symptoms fluctuate a lot lately...my muscle pain got much better the last few days even if it's still present.

November 6, 2023

Can you please add your other drugs to your drug signature? (bisoprolol, pantoprazole, etc) We really need to know all drugs you are on, to give you proper guidance. Thank you. Have you put all your drugs in a drug interaction checker to see if there are any drug interactions?

https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html

You have made quite a lot of psych drug changes in the past 5 or 6 months, and this has probably caused nervous system destabilization. I suggest you not make any more psych drug changes for a long time, as in 3-6 months, and allow your nervous system to settle down and stabilize. When you do resume a taper, please only taper 1 drug at a time, and do so very carefully and slowly.

What other symptoms are you having besides the stomach pain?

November 6, 2023

Hi, I updated my signature!

I have checked the drugs interaction already and mostly the meds can cause drowsiness together.

The symptoms that I have at the moment, beside stomach pain, are:

-muscle and joint pain, tension(bearable compared to 2 months ago, comes and goes)

-burning knees/upper legs, left arm, left ear, and back(comes and goes)

-weakness and fatigue

-chills(sometimes)

-itchiness and nerve pain(sometimes)

-waking up agitated

-palpitations(not daily)

-cold feet and hands(sometimes)

-inner vibration(less frequent)

-body jerks when falling asleep, in my sleep and rarely when resting(can be side effect, but a little better)

-cold night sweats(can be side effect, better)

-crying spells

My regimen as for the last 6 weeks:

8 AM 4 mg lexapro, 0,031 mg Xanax

8 PM 0,125 mg Xanax

November 8, 2023

It's not the waiting to stabilize that hurts me the most mentally, because I know it's still too early to mourn over that...It's the thought that I will have to be stuck with another 2 meds for years while knowing I am extremely sensitive to them...I feel hopeless when I know I will have to take the xanax for 4 years surely(I will reach tolerance as well for sure) while I will taper the lexapro...and looking at how destabilised my nervous system already is(very strong physical symptoms) every cut I will make will bring more problems on top of other problems...how will I be able to survive a slow torture for over 5 years? Not counting the years after for the real recovery...all this for a prescription made in 5 minutes...how absurd can this life be...

November 8, 2023

Why do I feel like the effects of the drugs I'm still taking changed after the 2 first weeks of withdrawal from olanzapine? At that time it was the most intense and torturous...

Lexapro seems to activate me badly, as in the morning I have a lot of symptoms at the same time, chills, pain, agitation, and the most obvious increased heart rate..I don't have it daily but almost...It was present every day some time ago...

The xanax feels more potent than before...the evening dose almost knocks me out in 1 h and half after taking it...when I was still taking the olanzapine I didn't feel sedation from it, and in the first 2 horror weeks I didn't feel any effect from it, I guess my insomnia was so intense that it couldn't do anything...

I also seem to wake up when the xanax effect wears off...around 4 am..but after some struggle I can sleep until 6:30/7...

I also feel so drugged and exhausted lately...it's extremely weird...it's scary how these doses that are very low for some people affect me this bad...

I don't know if I have interdose withdrawal, I don't know which are side effects and I also don't know which drug caused what because I didn't know I can't reduce all of them at the same time...it's like I have no choice and I'm trapped...today I cried for hours as I feel there's no way out...My mom won't accept to see me suffering for so long while still being on the other 2...

Sorry if I sound annoying but I feel extremely overwhelmed by everything...

November 8, 2023

Hi Jayyy,

You are, understandably, trying to handle a lot of withdrawal symptoms, and possibly reactions to your current medication, which can intensify already difficult emotions. I would recommend looking into some of our resources around managing emotions at -

15 minutes ago, Jayyy said:

I don't know if I have interdose withdrawal,

Can you list out the times, and dosage, of your current medication in a bulleted list?

November 8, 2023

•8 am: Lexapro 4 mg, Xanax 0,031 mg

•8 pm: Xanax 0,125 mg

I feel uneasy with the accuracy of dosages as the Gemini scale shows many differences in dosages...I weight one pill it shows 0,052 g(the right amount) and after that it can show up to 0,055 g(4,2 mg), or down to 0,049g(3,8mg) or even 0,048g(3,7mg).

November 8, 2023

Hi @Jayyy

I was just reading through your thread and I want to reassure you that things will slowly get better over time. It looks like you're already noticing some improvements, which is a good sign. I'm also glad to see that you have support.

2 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Why do I feel like the effects of the drugs I'm still taking changed after the 2 first weeks of withdrawal from olanzapine? At that time it was the most intense and torturous...

It's possible that the olanzapine was dampening down the effects of the other drugs you're taking, and now that it's out of your system, you're feeling the side effects of the lexapro and xanax more prominently. But also, WD symptoms are known to go away, come back and change over time. Have you read post about The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization?

1 hour ago, Jayyy said:

I feel uneasy with the accuracy of dosages as the Gemini scale shows many differences in dosages

Yes, I did too when it came to weighing. I usually measured my doses 2 - 3 times to get the best average, and took care to always place the pill in the exact same spot, as I found moving it around would cause discrepancies in weights. Have you tried either of these?

November 9, 2023

Yes, I tried the methods, but I still find the variations annoying...

The fastest ,,slow taper" of the lexapro I'm taking will take 3 years(after stopping the holding period)...but it's the fact that I have to take Xanax for more than 3 years that worries me so much...It has such a short half-life and I can't switch to valium because I have akathisia risk...also benzos can produce tolerance withdrawal anytime...and I am at a very high risk if I'll take it for that long...

If I taper the xanax first I won't be able to sleep probably...

Why is this situation bad from all directions...

Why do I have to be so sensitive to low doses of these meds 😭😭😭

November 9, 2023

On 11/8/2023 at 10:19 AM, Jayyy said:

I don't know if I have interdose withdrawal, I don't know which are side effects

It would be helpful for us if you could post some daily notes for a few days. This might help us to identify interdose withdrawal or other patterns to your symptoms.

This post shows you how to do it, with an example:

Try not to focus on how long it'll take to reach the end of your taper. You will not always feel the way you do right now. The goal is to get you stable and functional.

November 11, 2023

Date: 10.11.2023

Sleep was not very good, I kept waking up several times.

7:00 a.m. Fully woke up, almost my entire body is very tense and some of the muscles hurt bad...I don't even have the force to self massage, stomach is surprisingly ok

7:40 a.m. Stomach starts to feel weird

8:00 a.m. Took 4mg Lexapro, 0,031mg Xanax, muscles are still very tense and hurt in the back

8:40 a.m. Pain also in my chest area

9:00 a.m. Drank chamomile tea, pain still in the back and also in the joints, stomach is bloated.

9:30 a.m. Crying as I don't know how I'll manage to survive this and 2 more tapers...I can't think of something worse you can do to a human being than a slow toture.

10:00 a.m. So nauseous

10:15 a.m. Ate toasted bread with jam

10:30 a.m. Stomach hurts and the pain in the back is so bad...also slight pain in many parts of the body

11:15 a.m. Still painful back and stomach, feel very weak

12:45 a.m. Ate some boiled eggs and olives, took magnesium. Back still very tense

1:00 p.m. Stomach starts to hurt very bad again

2:00 p.m. Forced myself to take a walk despite the very intense stomach pain and exhaustion.

3:30 p.m. Stomach a bit better, hands become cold.

4:10 p.m. Stomach is fine but left arm starts to feel hot

4:45 p.m. Slight inner agitation possibly caused by palpitations(I seem to get agitated even if my heart rate increases only a bit)

5:30 p.m. Ate green beans with soy. A little better overall.

5:40 p.m. Still having palpitations(maximum 95 bpm tho), took Omega 3

6:00 p.m. Slight stomach discomfort, feet are cold

7:00 p.m. Stomach is very bad

8:00 p.m. Took 0,125 mg Xanax, left knee feels a little hot

9:00 p.m. I start to feel ,,drugged", it feels weird when I move my head and I feel very drowsy

9:20 p.m. Ate noodle soup

9:50 p.m. Feet and arms no longer cold, stomach is ok

10:30 p.m. Lower legs hurt a little, slight stomach discomfort

11:00 p.m. Fell asleep

4:00 a.m. Woke up, weird sensation in my chest/stomach

5:40/6:00 a.m. Finally fell asleep(I usually fall asleep faster...)

8:00 a.m. Woke up

Sorry if its too detailed

November 11, 2023

Hi @Jayyy

Thanks for the notes, they're not too detailed and please keep them coming

A few questions:

You mentioned waking up several times, but in your notes, it looks like you slept from 11pm-4am. Did you wake up during this time also?

4 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Stomach starts to feel weird

What do you mean by "starts to feel weird"?

4 hours ago, Jayyy said:

7:00 a.m. Fully woke up, almost my entire body is very tense and some of the muscles hurt bad

You mentioned the tension here, and then again at 8:00am, and back tension at 1245. Did this go away? - you don't mention it again after that.

4 hours ago, Jayyy said:

9:00 p.m. I start to feel ,,drugged", it feels weird when I move my head and I feel very drowsy

Do you only feel this after your evening doses?

And last question, is there a reason you take lexapro and xanax at the same time?

November 11, 2023

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

You mentioned waking up several times, but in your notes, it looks like you slept from 11pm-4am. Did you wake up during this time also?

Sorry that I continued the notes for the next day, the ,,waking up several times" was for the night on 10.11 and the ,,waking up at 4 am" was for the night on 11.11. From now I'll end the notes at 12 pm.

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

What do you mean by "starts to feel weird"?

It's when it starts to hurt, but it not very intense, it feels like it's inflamed somehow...It's also paired with a slight agitation that is also located in the stomach.

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

You mentioned the tension here, and then again at 8:00am, and back tension at 1245. Did this go away? - you don't mention it again after that.

Sadly, I have stiff muscles almost all the time, especially in the back lately. From 7am-1pm it was the most intense, after that it was tolerable or absent.

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

Do you only feel this after your evening doses?

Actually, strange enough, I get this in some afternoons as well, is kinda a new symptom.

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

And last question, is there a reason you take lexapro and xanax at the same time?

Actually no, the Xanax I take it like that in order to have 12h between doses. With it's short half life I wonder if I should make a third dose in the afternoon as well.

Should I not take them together?Do I have to move the Lexapro a bit later?

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