Jayyy: Introduction

[LotusRising]

4 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Not really, I usually feel extremely bad around an hour before taking them and if I'm lucky I get some slight relief in my symptoms after 1 h/ 1 h and half that lasts 2h/3h.

@Jayyy

Does this happen often where you feel worse an hour before and then better shortly after taking your Xanax?

[meehai]

28 minutes ago, Jayyy said:

I will go to a gastro doctor, but I know its the withdrawal. Never had this insane GI issues...I know you want to help but you should know better than anyone that I don't think we have that kind of psychiatrists in Romania...and I won't last a day in a psych ward. That kind of place is worse than a prison. They will tell me my problems are in my head when I'm obviously in physical pain. And there are chances I will be CTed and forced other meds. If that would happen I am done. 

And I don't plan to CT in any way possible, if I'm going to suffer I want at least to leave some slight hope for recovery, it will help me mentally at least. 

True, I was hoping maybe with all those symptoms they would actually do something different in the psych ward, but you're right.. (I heard some stories that it wasn't that bad, but that might be just 1%).

 

I was also trying to find psychiatrists that would take AD withdrawal seriously but no luck.

 

Regarding CT, I definitely wouldn't recommend it, but probably anything that you do will come with it's symptoms.

 

I suppose, hold on, soon enough you will stabilize!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LotusRising]

1 hour ago, meehai said:

The only solution here would be to CT, but that might be even more horrible. Please try to seek a professional psychiatrist, you need to be under some kind of observation...😔

@meehai

This is certainly not the only solution and could indeed result in further harm. Please do not make these suggestions to other members whom are already in extremely vulnerable situations. 

[Jayyy]

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

@Jayyy

Does this happen often where you feel worse an hour before and then better shortly after taking your Xanax?

In the morning I take the Xanax at 10 and until around 11/12 my GI symptoms are the worst...in the afternoon I'm usually feeling the best but today it occurred before taking the dose so idk if its related. What occurs lately is that I start to get agitated at around 8-9 p.m. and get better after the dose, and it helps a little to fall asleep even tho my stomach is still bad. I don't know if I have interdose wd and the way its manifesting fluctuates, or these are purely symptoms from all the cuts that simply follow some patterns themselves. Maybe all Xanax does is to cover them for a little while. Its extremely hard to tell when there are multiple meds involved...

[LotusRising]

3 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Maybe all Xanax does is to cover them for a little while

 

Yes, this is very possible. 

 

And could you remind me what time you take your doses?

[Jayyy]

10:00 a.m.

3:30 p.m.

9:30 p.m. 

I think I might have catched a virus as my parents had recently a cold...my nose is stuffy and my throat hurts as well. Last time I had one I also had some nasty GI issues, around the same time my panic attacks started..so this might have exacerbated my wd symptoms.. I also suspect it was Covid as it damaged my sinuses so no wonder my CNS is a mess. This whole situation it was maybe caused by Covid in the first place, cause even tho I was in a stressful situation, I was always a calm person and never had anxiety or panic attacks. They were horrific and lasted hours with over 140 HR. It doesn't matter at this point but it's really dissapointing to see how quick are doctors to assume a diagnosis without considering all the options. I still think my OCD contributed but I was managing it extremely well for 10+ years before all this and Covid is known to cause OCD to some people...

We are living really tragic times

[Jayyy]

Hello, I want to update.

The very intense GI issues I had mentioned previously were indeed from an infection and passed shortly after. Is hard to know in this situation which is the cause so I got scared as they were intense. 

My symptoms are mostly manageable now, so I suspect olanzapine wd was the main culprit for my symptoms. 

The thing that bothers me the most now is the fact that I am still forced to sleep after the first dose of Xanax for around 1-2 hours. It evolved from a "toxic nap" where I fighted to not fall asleep because that would trigger many wd symptoms to being able to sleep now. But it's still weird as I have no choice but to fall asleep...should I push like this until I'm at around half from original dose of Lexapro(2.5 mg) so that it won't be too activating and then taper Xanax for 2-3 months? I don't really understand how this reaction happens only in the morning but I guess only tapering will solve it...

[Jayyy]

Hi, I'm back for another update.

 

All the symptoms caused by olanzapine wd got better, mostly the movement problems and pots are still bad.

 

At the same time, other problems got worse. My addiction to Xanax gets worse and worse and I'm really scared. I have to endure inhumane stomach pain, inner restlessness, dizziness, sweating, urge to cry and sometimes even very bad headaches for around 1 hour before taking one dose. They calm down not too long after. I didn't have these problems in the first months with Xanax.

Regarding the post above, I'm able to stay awake during the morning but I'm still drowsy and I feel very drugged esp in the evening. The Xanax also causes now bladder issues, makes me pee after 30 min after taking one dose and sometimes even unbearable bladder pain.

I feel like maybe I should've just dropped them all after 2 months and suffer from there. Now I have other problems because I kept taking them...But at the same time olanzapine wd almost landed me in hospital and I couldn't take more pain than what I had at that time. 

 

I'm sorry that I didn't taper perfectly as it's recommended here but, I can't take them for years when I tried to get rid of them after one month of taking them. I am sensitive that's true but I feel like if I drag this for too long I'm making everything worse esp since Xanax is destroying me. I would switch to diazepam if I would know that I won't react bad to it or if my dose wasn't this low so I think it's impossible to cross-taper. If someone has more information about this please help, I feel like giving up everyday bc of this.

 

I just don't know what to do...I'm fighting everyday the urge to just drop them because I can't even be happy for a window when the interdose withdrawal is messing with me quickly after. If I have windows, they only happen after the doses.

 

 

 

 

[LotusRising]

Hi @Jayyy

 

Are you tapering both lexapro and xanax at the same time? 

 

What times are you taking xanax? What symptoms are relieve from taking it?

 

[Jayyy]

I take the Xanax at 10 am, 4 pm, 10 pm

I tapered Xanax with very small reductions over the past months in the hope this would solve the fact it was knocking me out in the morning...I know it's not smart but I'm very very tired. I didn't do any big cuts tho.

One hour before I take the doses (I'm going through this right now) my stomach starts to clench very bad and it hurts more than usual, I start to have akathisia, I have head pressure, dizziness, hot flashes, sometimes palpitations as well. They solve after 20-45 min after taking one dose. Its aleardy enough that my stomach hurts almost constantly, I cant go on like this for too long. I'm tired of having this everyday. It feels like after suffering immensely the world just keeps throwing punches at me. I don't know how to be strong in all this when olanzapine already traumatised me. 

The only thing keeping me to switch to diazepam is that I fear an adverse reaction, as all psych meds have this risk. I don't even know how to switch at my dose...directly? I'm at loss and I feel like no one can help me...

 

[LotusRising]

15 minutes ago, Jayyy said:

I know it's not smart but I'm very very tired.

If you've already done it, there's no sense dwelling on it, but I do worry you could become worse by continuing to taper. Did anything get worse with the reductions, or did everything stay the same?

 

16 minutes ago, Jayyy said:

One hour before I take the doses (I'm going through this right now) my stomach starts to clench very bad and it hurts more than usual, I start to have akathisia, I have head pressure, dizziness, hot flashes, sometimes palpitations as well. They solve after 20-45 min after taking one dose.

This sounds like interdose withdrawal. Have you considered splitting to 4 times/day? Some people even do 5.

 

17 minutes ago, Jayyy said:

I don't even know how to switch at my dose...directly?

As you mentioned, yes, this is a risk, especially when your nervous system is so dysregulated. You definitely wouldn't want to do a direct switch. To me, it would make the most sense to taper from the medication you're on. Hopefully, if you can minimize the interdose withdrawal symptoms, you can be more comfortable.

[Jayyy]

On 3/24/2024 at 9:59 PM, LotusRising said:

Did anything get worse with the reductions, or did everything stay the same?

Symptoms stayed the same. I only had like 2 episodes of very bad headache after the last small reduction of Xanax, but they began before taking a dose as well so I don't know what was truly the cause.

On 3/24/2024 at 9:59 PM, LotusRising said:

This sounds like interdose withdrawal. Have you considered splitting to 4 times/day? Some people even do 5.

I have some questions regarding this. 

Do people dose overnight as well? That would be a nightmare since I can't fall asleep after getting up to do something.

If I would dose every 5 hour(4 times total), that would leave a 9 hour gap between the night and morning dose.

At the moment I have a 12 hour gap overnight so it might not be a problem...but I'm curious if others don't need to dose while sleeping, since I often wake up with my heart pounding so I wonder if that's the cause...

 

 My stomach pain is my worst symptom, lasts the longest and its so bad when it comes that I'm feeling hopless. Worse everytime because of interdose withdrawal. Did I really make the right choice by staying on them for so long? Is it really worth it to suffer daily for so long because of the short half life and losing my mind slowly while weighting so many tiny pills? I don't even know if I can cut in 4 or 5 pieces the tiny dose that I have. I'm afraid I'll make myself more miserable. I'll have to dissolve them in water since compounding pharmacies arent a thing in my country and Im afraid of doing that too. I am sick of reading how others with years of addiction got off their high dose benzos in 6 months and they are fine, while other short time users like me suffer if their time of taking one tiny dose is approaching+having to taper for 1 year+.

 I hate that I'm at the age where everyone expects so much from me, but instead I'll have to be isolated at home struggling to endure pain for some pills I took for like 5 weeks. This situation destroyed my body and I feel like I have to give my sanity away as well since I still have 2 very potent meds to get rid off. I wonder how much of my sanity I'll have left at the end of this.

 

Sorry for the rant and that I always write such long posts, but I really don't know where to say these things. Blessings for those who manage this site. I know your powers are limited, but the simple existence of you here is so important for some of us.

[LotusRising]

4 hours ago, Jayyy said:

Do people dose overnight as well? That would be a nightmare since I can't fall asleep after getting up to do something.

If I would dose every 5 hour(4 times total), that would leave a 9 hour gap between the night and morning dose.

At the moment I have a 12 hour gap overnight so it might not be a problem...but I'm curious if others don't need to dose while sleeping, since I often wake up with my heart pounding so I wonder if that's the cause...

Yes, some people need to dose overnight. I did this. It wasn't great, but it's what I had to do. If you have a very large 12 hour gap between your last and first dose of the day, yes, it could be related to the heart pounding and it may help some of your symptoms. I can no way guarantee this, but it might be worth a try.

 

I know you're struggling and I know this is hard. But, it does get easier and as I recently said to another member, this will all just be a tiny blip - your whole life will be ahead of you. I know it's frustrating that others can get off easy and this doesn't seem fair, but it is what it is. You have to accept where you're at and keep going and I'm saying all this with the utmost support ❤️

[Jayyy]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

This night I slept only for around 4 hours. Maybe less. Is not the first time this happens. I woke up at 4 am, 6 hours after the night dose. My hand was numb and extremities started to hurt and not long after my stomach started to hurt as well. I thought that maybe I'll fall asleep as in other nights but no.

My interdose withdrawal is messing me too much. I'll have to dose 5 times to solve this and I don't know if I can do this. My pills are too small to do this. My total dose weights 0,096 g. That would mean 1 dose has to be around 0,019 g. It would be a mental torture to make them, the scale isn't accurate at low doses and I'm afraid I'll mess myself up.

Switching to valium would be the best but I can't really do a cross-over at my dose since one valium pill is 10 mg. I can't cut 2,8 mg in at least 4 doses to have one month cross-over. The pieces would be too small and inaccurate. If I would somehow manage though, this would be the most comfortable option...

The only reason I want to jump off Lexapro first would be because of the activation in the benzo withdrawal, but right now the benzo makes everything worse, it doesn't help me at all. I don't know how to solve the interdose withdrawal...Should I try dosing 4 times to see how it goes?