Kaylaq Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 Thank you 🙏🏻 😊 1 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
KaiLee Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 I totally agree. Don't try to change things too much Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 How are you feeling lately? And I want to thank you so much for cheering me up everytime I'm feeling so bad. 😊 ☺️ Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 👋 @KaiLee yesterday was a rough day. Today neutral, one foot in front of the other! Tomorrow who knows 🤪😂 thanks for asking 👍🏼🥰 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
KaiLee Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Oh, thank you for answering! 🤩😙 I'm glad you're feeling better than yesterday. Yes, who knows about tomorrow? 😏🤷♂️🤷♀️ Maybe it will be the best day ever! Or maybe not, haha.🤨 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 I don't know why I used so many emoticons. Haha. I had a beautiful moment when I felt sunlight was shining so gently towards me, and I had some rest... Then also when I was walking back home, while walking the same street I walk through every time I come outside, I saw the trees and sky, the sun and the buildings... Within such a harmony, such a beauty, what a gorgeous world I am living in. The moment of tranquility. But I couldn't look at people's faces. I had to avoid them. And many people in my town, which is also my hometown since I was born, are very criticizing and cannot stand or understand a person who would rather look into the sky instead of caring so much what others' are thinking or doing. I've hated this atmosphere so much, and I hated I cannot live elsewhere and feel natural about what I feel... I am realizing I lose my ability to describe my feelings as I try to write about something that gave me painful emotions. But what I want to say is, that I am healed a lot, and although I still go through every darkness and shadows, I see some bright future ahead of me. And I hope you can find your peace soon. Take care. Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
Arisotura Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 On 2/10/2024 at 6:52 PM, Kaylaq said: Thank you Catina for answering…I’m so looking for someone to connect with. I feel so alone most of the time, my family doesn’t understand, they want me to reinstate. I’m afraid all the time, I go around & around all day, ….hang in there or reinstate??? I was reading your thread and I wanted to say, you're not alone in this. I can relate to this. I've had a bad time in December/January (venlafaxine withdrawals too). Friends, therapist, etc, gave me the chorus of "you are relapsing, you need to take meds". Tried going back on venlafaxine out of desperation, took 75mg for 5 days, and I was feeling really anxious and tripped out -- clearly the reinstatement at that point was a bad idea. Since then I'm seeing a pattern of improvement. Windows and waves as they say. No doubt you will also improve with time, but we need to give our brains time and space to heal. I see we're having a similar struggle. The worst symptoms are those that ressemble the original conditon, the depression bouts and such, because they really mess with your head. 1 2019-2021: paroxetine (1mo), vortioxetine (2mo), fluoxetine (1mo) 2021-2022: weed (edibles) once/twice a week Oct 2022: vortioxetine attempt (3 days or so) Nov 2022: venlafaxine, 37.5mg/day then 75mg/day after 2 weeks Mar 2023: Ritalin, from 10mg/day to 20mg/day Jul 2023: venlafaxine 112.5mg/day, Ritalin 30mg/day Aug 2023: off Ritalin, starting venlafaxine taper Sep 2023: off venlafaxine Jan 2024: venlafaxine reinstatement attempt (75mg/day) for 5 days Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 @Arisotura @KaiLee thank you for connecting with me! 🥰. Mornings are the hardest for me, the dread of how to get through the day, fill the hours when I feel so disconnected from doing, … I wake up with an intense cortisol rush, rapid heartbeat, the shakes so bad, can’t focus on anything, I bounce around doing several things at once, …. @KaiLee I like the emojis, stay connected to nature and her beauty!! @Arisotura please don’t go up and down with the meds, from every thing I read here that will make things worse. Give your brain and body the time to heal and stabilize! take good care of yourself everyone!! 👍🏼🙏🙏 lots of self love and compassion 💕💕 2 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
Arisotura Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 2 minutes ago, Kaylaq said: @Arisotura please don’t go up and down with the meds, from every thing I read here that will make things worse. Give your brain and body the time to heal and stabilize! Oh, don't worry, that happened in January. I haven't touched any psychoactive drugs since then. 1 2019-2021: paroxetine (1mo), vortioxetine (2mo), fluoxetine (1mo) 2021-2022: weed (edibles) once/twice a week Oct 2022: vortioxetine attempt (3 days or so) Nov 2022: venlafaxine, 37.5mg/day then 75mg/day after 2 weeks Mar 2023: Ritalin, from 10mg/day to 20mg/day Jul 2023: venlafaxine 112.5mg/day, Ritalin 30mg/day Aug 2023: off Ritalin, starting venlafaxine taper Sep 2023: off venlafaxine Jan 2024: venlafaxine reinstatement attempt (75mg/day) for 5 days Link to comment
KaiLee Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 I know such mornings very, very well... 1 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
BaccatePlayer Posted April 3 Share Posted April 3 I hope you're doing well, Kayla! Remember we're waiting for good news about your recovery and wishing you quick improvement! You always have so many kind words for everyone, here are some for you as well! 1 22.10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year) 2021 mirtazapine (30mg for some months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease) 2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box) 2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, Nothing ever since 21.12.2023. Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 5 Share Posted April 5 Hi, I see you haven't updated your topic for a long time, could it be a sign that you're doing well? Just checking by. Hope you're feeling fine. Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 5 Author Share Posted April 5 Sorry, not doing well! 😖😭 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 5 Author Share Posted April 5 Im shutting down, total lethargy! I barely move! So scared of life! So depressed! So angry for going off my meds, my life wasn’t so bad before, now I live in a mental hell! I don’t deserve this!!!! I was a helpful person, I helped others, my family, animals! I had days of total joy! I had a life, struggled but it was a good life!!! Now, I can barely help myself! I haven’t moved from my couch in days, the negative thoughts are so overwhelming, I can feel the anger turning inwards, and I can’t seem to stop it! there are people in worse physical pain, in worse life situations, suffering in war zones, living on the streets, starving, suffering violent abuse, ….. I sit here feeling dead inside, even though I have a good roof over my head, food in the fridge, some money, ….. I’m not functioning and it is getting worse!! I’m not taking responsibility for myself, I know this and yet, the minute I am alone with my thoughts, the panic starts, all I want to do is hide, hide, hide! Right now I totally hate myself!!! I have never said this before!! I hate this experience, I don’t understand this!! How could this happen????? my body is failing, my brain is failing, my mind is my worse enemy! I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore, …. I feel worthless!!! I’m a Zombie now! I have never experienced anything like this in my life!!!! On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
LostInCanada Posted April 5 Share Posted April 5 You are surviving. Your body will heal. This is temporary and you will be okay. This isn't you but the drugs. Even though it doesn't feel like it, you are healing. Please be kind to yourself. This is an illness that needs time and patience. ♥️ 2 20 yr+ Paroxetine/ Dec2018-May 2022 20 mg/ May 2022 30mg/2022.07.28-2022.08.24 30mg to 0mg/ August 24-29 2022 10mg Prozac/2022.11.28-2022.12.04- 5mg Paroxetine/Dec 5&6/22 10mg Paroxetine/ Dec 8&9/22 10mg Prozac/ 2022.12.07 to 2023.07.01 5mg Paroxetine TAPER 23.07.02-58mgpw/4.9mgai/ 23.07.21-4.8 mg/23.07.28-4.73 mg/23.08.04-4.65 mg/21.09.23-4.58 mg/27.10.23-4.56 mg/5.12.23-4.54 mg/2.1.24-4.52 mg/9.1.24-4.51 mg/17.1.24-4.49 mg/26.1.24-4.47 mg/6.2.24-4.46 mg/19.2.24-4.44mg /4.4.24-4.43mg/28.4.24-4.4mg/ 8am-probiotics/9am-paroxetine, 200mg mag bisglycinate/ 1000mg Vitamin D/noon-1000 mg algae oil (500mg DHA/10mg EPA/620mg Omega 3)/5pm-75 mg DGL/200mg calcium citrate/8pm-.25 mg melatonin "... your strength will be in keeping calm..."-Isaiah 30:15 I am not a medical professional just your peer. The suggestions I give are based on personal experience and/or the well documented experience of others. Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 Thank you @LostInCanada trying, hanging on, that is all one can do some days! 2 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 @Kaylaq, You don't have to blame yourself because you're not in warzone or starving to death... What you suffer from is something that is already too bad enough. But more than just that, it is you that is suffering from it right now! Not somebody else far away, but your very precious self! The only one you are fully responsible in your whole life. So please be kind to yourself, and tell yourself "I understand". Tell yourself, gently, "I know you have never been through this. I know you feel afraid. I know you haven't done anything to deserve this. I am your best ally, your best friend and I love you the most. I will here with you until you are healed. And I know you will, so don't worry". I know you already know these things, but I know how waves can take everything away from us. You are heard, and I feel your pain. You will get better - and the fact that your life wasn't like this only means that you won't suffer from this forever. It will end someday, but for now, please be kind to yourself, accept who you are for a moment now until it passes. I wanted to write something better with less grammatical errors, but I guess this is the best I can do now. Stay strong. Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 Or perhaps it is better for us to let ourselves be weak for a while... Maybe then our strong parts could get its natural power again. I am suffering too much now as well, and I am also struggling so much to find a way to get back to my stronger self, but I hope and believe we will get there. Sending love and hope to you ☺️🥰 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 I have come to realize that the only thing helps me right now is to talk to myself in a calm and warm voice, telling myself "I understand, and I love you." 💔❤️🩹❤️ 1 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 Thank you @KaiLee thank you! I really appreciate your supportive expression! 👍🏼🙏🙏 😢 1 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 I was on a good spiritual path, now it is all gone! My connection to art, spirit, beliefs, values, especially my sense of identity! I worked so hard to not let negativity rule my life, my childhood issues, I worked on healing! In my early 60’s I was finally feeling/thinking I was building a life I could live for! NOW, I struggle with figuring out what to hang onto! thank you all for sharing, I don’t feel so alone tonight! 🙏🥰🥰 1 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 @Kaylaq, I really understand what you mean. I too was on my way to a better spiritual path, and I was so content within myself. Losing my good spirit was something I feared the most, but my worst fear came true to me. I could see the world in a clearer eyes than I ever could, and I loved and understood everything from the bottom of my heart. I was so much a better person than I was before, so I had so much faith in me, and the world that surrounds me. I no more believed in something outside of me; I truly believed in my wisdom and strength, and a good heart I knew I had. And I knew I was going to be better within time, so all I had to do was to continue growing up. I hear your frustration, and I truly understand. I feel and hear your words from the deepest bottom of my heart. My words cannot express enough about it. I'm here for you, and we'll get through this together. When we're through, we'll be the best of ourselves that we have ever been. We'll continue on our spiritual lifepath with love for every human culture and the great nature of this world, being and feeling stronger than ever. I truly believe so. Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 After all love it what matters most to us - we suffer when we aren't surrounded by enough love, or when we can't feel love from within ourselves. Our pain is just the sign that we need more love. So let's think about where and how we can get love from. I felt that asking my parents for love wasn't enough, so I struggled because I didn't know what else to do with such pain. Then I started to say kind words to myself, and I am starting to feel a little stronger again. Love is all we need, and love is what we need. It's always around us. ❤️🥰 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 Sending love and hope to you again, good night. 🥱🙏🥰 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
Mikatrap Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 "my body is failing, my brain is failing, my mind is my worse enemy! I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore, …. I feel worthless!!! I’m a Zombie now! I have never experienced anything like this in my life!!!! " Your body and your brain are not failing. They are weakened by the decreased activity of your serotoninergic and noradrenergic systems. If my brain is healing from 28 years of venlafaxine, yours is doing it too. Your DNA still contains the information required to synthetize serotonine and noradrenalin receptors. The corresponding genes are being expressed right now, as fast as possible. Your brain is not failing, it is working hard to get back to equilibrium. This is why you feel so weak and bad. Because you are healing. This is temporary. You are absolutely not worthless nor a zombie. You are extremely brave and strong. Only a fighter can withdraw from venlafaxine after some many years and keep from throwing himself back to the drug when the awful withdrawal symptoms kick in. You can fight it. Day by day. Each day is a victory. I believe you when you write that you have never experienced anything like this. I share the same feeling. My withdrawal from venlafaxine was awful, and my current withdrawal from dopamine agonists is a nightmare. But we both need to understand that these are not actual nightmares, but metamorphoses. The larva suffers excruciatingly to emerge from its cocoon and spread its wings. Suffering is part of the process, but the end result is worth the suffering. Hang on, my friend! Sending you love and support! 1 1994 to Feb 2023: under Venlafaxine XL with doses ranging from 37.5mg to 225mg 2019: diagnosed with restless legs syndrome (RLS) likely due to the long-term use of Venlafaxine. 2020-2021 - RLS treate by Sifrol (pramipexol, a dopamine agonist) 0.18 mg. Sifrol dose increased to 0.36mg in 2021. 2022 - pramipexol replaced by Mirapexin 0.26mg (= pramipexol extended release form) Feb - Aug 2023 - Tapering off Venlafaxine 112.5mg to 0 from Feb to August. Sep 2023: Tapering off Mirapexin (0.26 -> 0.13mg) -> A few days later, start of strong withdrawal symptoms. Oct 2023: moving to Sifrol 0.18mg + tramadol 50mg. Still severe withdrawal symptoms. Cold turkey stop of dopamine agonist at the hospital -> extreme withdrawal symptoms (DAWS syndrom). Nov 2023: Put back on dopamine agonist (rotigotine 2mg) + pregabalin 300mg + alprazolam 0.75mg + tradonal retard 100mg + clonazepam 0.5mg Since Dec 2023: slowly tapering off my drugs, -0.2mg rotigotine and -0.125mg alprazolam per month. Now (March 2024): 1.2mg rotigotine, 0.125mg alprazolam, 300mg pregabaline, 100mg tradonal retard, 0.5mg clonazepam. Goal: 0mg alprazolam in Apr, 0mg rotigotine in Sep, 0mg clonazepan and tradonal in Dec. Could keep pregabaline for RLS if needed, or could use dipyrimadole instead. Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 @Mikatrap, since you said about a withdrawal from dopamine agonists, I want to ask you about something... I had an immediate adverse reaction from few drugs I took in the first day, which I believe the main culprit was abilify. Since this site is mainly for the antipressant suffers, which is mostly to the serotoninergic system as far as I know, I've always wondered if I am going through something different than the most of the people on this site... Any ideas you could give might be a big help for me understanding my symptoms... And I appreciate what you wrote above. Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
BaccatePlayer Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 53 minutes ago, KaiLee said: Since this site is mainly for the antipressant suffers, which is mostly to the serotoninergic system as far as I know, I've always wondered if I am going through something different than the most of the people on this site... Many people here withdraw from antipsychotics and face similair symptoms. Some withdraw from, let's say bupropion and that's both antidepressant (med used to treat depression) and it doesn't affect serotonin too much (classified as dopamine and norepipherine based drug), so it likely doesn't matter which med caused the onset. Notice that we're both long after meds and even their active metabolites got out of our bodies and symptoms are not really carried by substances, but by our CNS trying to find balance in the chaos these meds left. Probably why withdrawal, kindling and immediate adverse reactions cause similair symptoms. The differences may be more based on individual differences (those prone to certain symptoms may have exaggregated expression of such during recovery). 22.10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year) 2021 mirtazapine (30mg for some months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease) 2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box) 2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, Nothing ever since 21.12.2023. Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 @Mikatrap @BaccatePlayer @KaiLee @Gonzo @Catina7 @LostInCanada your support means the world to me! I need to hear I can get through this, …. Just not getting enough sleep and getting so worn down. Been at this for a year now, …. 3 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
Mentor Catina7 Posted April 6 Mentor Share Posted April 6 Aww you're so welcome @Kaylaq. There is no reason for you NOT to heal. Recovery and healing can take a long time, but I know you will get there eventually! This journey is not for the faint-hearted, that's for sure, and you've shown tremendous courage and endurance in the face of tremendous suffering. KEEP GOING....YOU'VE GOT THIS! And you're never alone. Big Hugs, Catina ❤️ 1 Disclaimer: This is not professional medical advice but is based on personal experience only. 1994 - 2017: Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Seroquel, Buspar, Lorazepam, Xanax, Ambien 2005-present: Trazodone 50 mg 2017: Effexor XR 37.5 >> 75 mg 2020 (March): Began 10% monthly taper of Effexor XR (got down to 12 mg) 2021 (September): Completely crashed. Went back up to 37.5 mg but in doing so I kindled myself 2024: 1/1: 35.6 mg (-6 beads) | 2/1: 33.8 mg (-11 beads) | 3/1: 32.1 mg (-16 beads) | 4/1: (-18 beads) Reasons for starting psych meds: PMDD/Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder Other medications: Levothyroxine 75 mcg Supplements: Dr. Berg's Electrolyte Powder on occasion Link to comment
Mikatrap Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 2 hours ago, KaiLee said: @Mikatrap, since you said about a withdrawal from dopamine agonists, I want to ask you about something... I had an immediate adverse reaction from few drugs I took in the first day, which I believe the main culprit was abilify. Since this site is mainly for the antipressant suffers, which is mostly to the serotoninergic system as far as I know, I've always wondered if I am going through something different than the most of the people on this site... Any ideas you could give might be a big help for me understanding my symptoms... And I appreciate what you wrote above. First, let me outline that the serotonin theory of depression is dead: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0 It was probably invented by the pharmalogical company to sell ADs: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25304538/ All neurotransmitters are important for the psychological and physical health of a human being. The different neurotransmitters are all deeply connected. After all, most neurons use several kinds of neurotransmitters to communicate with each other. This is why all psychotrops - drugs acting on neurotransmitter systems- can put your brain out of balance enough to trigger post-acute withdrawal symptoms, i.e a long-lasting pathological working of your CNS. For a given individual, some are better at this than others, that's all. In my case, dopamine agonists turned out to be excellent at the job, but the long-term use of venlafaxine could have made it easier. Who knows? And it is very possible that abilify messed up strongly with your brain chemistry, and that the other drugs that you took afterward prevented your brain from recovering from this initial trauma. Doctors are very good at prescribing a new drug to "heal" you from the effect of another drug... You can be depressed because an imbalance of another neurotransmitter than serotonine. Dopamine is essential for the mood, for instance. If this website focuses only on serotonin, it misses its target by far. But you can also have your brain chemistry in good balance and be depressed, because depression has very often a more macroscopic origin. The brain is by essence a very complex neural network. Some external triggers (e.g. a trauma) can modify its working architecture, its tuning, without altering its chemical balance. This is why CBT is at least as efficient as ADs to cure depressions: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10608-020-10132-1 An analogy could be an engine: all the pieces of the engine could be good, but it could still run like a coffee grinder if its mapping is incorrectly adjusted. This analogy is far from perfect, because the human brain is way more complex than an engine. But you get the idea At the end, ADs and other psychotrops are way too much prescribed. And cleaning from them is extremely difficult, as we all know well here... I wish you the best! 2 1994 to Feb 2023: under Venlafaxine XL with doses ranging from 37.5mg to 225mg 2019: diagnosed with restless legs syndrome (RLS) likely due to the long-term use of Venlafaxine. 2020-2021 - RLS treate by Sifrol (pramipexol, a dopamine agonist) 0.18 mg. Sifrol dose increased to 0.36mg in 2021. 2022 - pramipexol replaced by Mirapexin 0.26mg (= pramipexol extended release form) Feb - Aug 2023 - Tapering off Venlafaxine 112.5mg to 0 from Feb to August. Sep 2023: Tapering off Mirapexin (0.26 -> 0.13mg) -> A few days later, start of strong withdrawal symptoms. Oct 2023: moving to Sifrol 0.18mg + tramadol 50mg. Still severe withdrawal symptoms. Cold turkey stop of dopamine agonist at the hospital -> extreme withdrawal symptoms (DAWS syndrom). Nov 2023: Put back on dopamine agonist (rotigotine 2mg) + pregabalin 300mg + alprazolam 0.75mg + tradonal retard 100mg + clonazepam 0.5mg Since Dec 2023: slowly tapering off my drugs, -0.2mg rotigotine and -0.125mg alprazolam per month. Now (March 2024): 1.2mg rotigotine, 0.125mg alprazolam, 300mg pregabaline, 100mg tradonal retard, 0.5mg clonazepam. Goal: 0mg alprazolam in Apr, 0mg rotigotine in Sep, 0mg clonazepan and tradonal in Dec. Could keep pregabaline for RLS if needed, or could use dipyrimadole instead. Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 @Mikatrap, thank you for your kind explanation. I wish you the best, too! Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
KaiLee Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 Hi, how are you doing? 🤔 1 Had an immediate adverse reaction from the first two doses. 9/22 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg 9/26 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/12 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 2mg, Risperidone 0.5mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/20 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg, Risperidone 0.5mg 1/2 10/23 Agotine 50mg, Abilify 3mg, Topiramate 50mg 10/30 Agotine 25mg, Abilify 1mg, Topiramate 25mg - Cold turkey after this 11/13 Abilify 1mg, Escitalopram 5mg - Only single dose Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 21 Author Share Posted April 21 Defeated! 😖😣 2 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
BaccatePlayer Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 Remember @Kaylaq it will never defeat you fully! Day by day you're getting closer to your real life. Your mind thinks otherwise because it's wired to scan negativity now, so that it can detect what malfunctions and repair it. Soon your smile will return for good, you're not an exception and the recovery is ineviteable! 22.10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year) 2021 mirtazapine (30mg for some months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease) 2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box) 2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, Nothing ever since 21.12.2023. Link to comment
LostInCanada Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 Just a good reminder 20 yr+ Paroxetine/ Dec2018-May 2022 20 mg/ May 2022 30mg/2022.07.28-2022.08.24 30mg to 0mg/ August 24-29 2022 10mg Prozac/2022.11.28-2022.12.04- 5mg Paroxetine/Dec 5&6/22 10mg Paroxetine/ Dec 8&9/22 10mg Prozac/ 2022.12.07 to 2023.07.01 5mg Paroxetine TAPER 23.07.02-58mgpw/4.9mgai/ 23.07.21-4.8 mg/23.07.28-4.73 mg/23.08.04-4.65 mg/21.09.23-4.58 mg/27.10.23-4.56 mg/5.12.23-4.54 mg/2.1.24-4.52 mg/9.1.24-4.51 mg/17.1.24-4.49 mg/26.1.24-4.47 mg/6.2.24-4.46 mg/19.2.24-4.44mg /4.4.24-4.43mg/28.4.24-4.4mg/ 8am-probiotics/9am-paroxetine, 200mg mag bisglycinate/ 1000mg Vitamin D/noon-1000 mg algae oil (500mg DHA/10mg EPA/620mg Omega 3)/5pm-75 mg DGL/200mg calcium citrate/8pm-.25 mg melatonin "... your strength will be in keeping calm..."-Isaiah 30:15 I am not a medical professional just your peer. The suggestions I give are based on personal experience and/or the well documented experience of others. Link to comment
Kaylaq Posted April 21 Author Share Posted April 21 @BaccatePlayer@LostInCanada thank you 🙏🏻 The disassociation with Life is hard to deal with. I worked so hard to push through depression and create a meaningful life, and now to be in this place, at this age (65) is demoralizing!!! Desperately looking for a bit of light in this dark tunnel!!!! thank you for being here for me despite your own struggles with this kind of suffering! 🙏🏻🙏🏻😻😻 so freaking 🤬😡🤯 again! 3 On Venlafaxine for 30 years, 150mg 2018 first tapered, over 2 months, horrible crashed, reinstated 3 months later February 2023, tapering again, every 4 weeks reduced by 50% 150mg down to 37:5mg June 2023, from 37.5, broke open capsule, started tapering by one bead at a time every 2 weeks August, 2023 stopped last bead. Nov, 2023, started Saint John Wort, 600mg, 3x a day = 1800mg - reduced 1 capsules 300mg on Feb 15, 2024 Supplements, magnesium bisglycinate, B complex, multivitamin, Omega 3 complex, Vitamin D3, digestive enzymes also, use L-Theanine, occasionally natural GABA, - stopped this in Jan 2024 For H.Pylori- Manuka Honey, 850mgo, Mastica Chios gum, Kefir, & probiotics Link to comment
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