Kaylaq: Venlafaxine withdrawal & the despair, stuck in limbo

[Kaylaq]

Not sure what to write…. I tried an unsuccessful tapering around 4 years ago, 2020, I was 60, crashed so badly, reinstated again, built my life up again.  After some research I tried again tapering off last year 2023, did the tapering twice as long, over 6 months, not much information out there for getting off meds…. So wish I had this site then, did not know the tapering should be so slow!!  Anyways, serious withdrawal symptoms that have destroyed my life again, now I live with horrible anxiety, physical pain, stomach issues, and mental anguish!  Lost my whole lifestyle….I question daily “why did I do this to myself? Why am I putting myself through this suffering?  On the Meds, my life wasn’t so bad, not like what some of you have.  Yes, I slept 12 to 15 hours a day, mental fog, emotional numbness, but I had the strength to live, hobbies, reasons to be. 

now I’m just so lost…. There are days when I think I should reinstate but from reading here I’m afraid of different symptoms. I have been drug free 6 months,…. Something stops me from going back on…. Like if I do then this last year of suffering will be for nothing…. 

 

reading stories here is scary for me cause I didn’t know it would take so long for my brain, body, mind to heal.  But it also the most real truthful place I found.  I do a lot of daily walking, deep breathing, listening to healing videos,  it is helping some…. But I have no meaning, no value in living, the real world outside of my home scares me, I feel like I don’t belong anymore.  Now I live in an environment that I dislike immensely, which makes it even harder to build from. 

anyways, that’s it for now…. Now how to add the signature part of med history… 

[Kaylaq]

Im trying to continue posting, not sure if this is how??? 
 

I had 2 days of being in a neutral place, not great, but not bad either. The wave is back…the negative thoughts are intense, … How does one get through them?  I’ve been reading the articles, I understand what is going on, but pray for better insight to helping myself heal…How long will this go on? 

[Catina7]

Hi @Kaylaq.... I'm sorry you're having a hard time.  Recovery can take a long time, but time and patience will be your greatest healers.  Are you still taking the L-Theanine and GABA?  Sometimes supplements that affect your central nervous system can actually make withdrawal symptoms worse.  The same thing can be said about B vitamins and other vitamins in general.

 

You're going to make it through this, so keep hanging onto hope!  Keep reading success stories.  Also, this link has some great advice:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/28647-techniques-for-managing-an-adverse-drug-reaction-or-cold-turkey-withdrawal/#comment-577067

 

Catina ❤️

[Kaylaq]

Thank you Catina for answering…I’m so looking for someone to connect with.  I feel so alone most of the time, my family doesn’t understand, they want me to reinstate.  I’m afraid all the time, I go around & around all day, ….hang in there or reinstate??? 
 

I was only taking the L-Theanine and GABA in the beginning cause I didn’t know what else to do, the negative thoughts were destroying me….since being on Saint John’s Wort, the excessive rumination has eased.  Now of course I worry about being on them, as I was told there would be no withdrawal if I stopped but I’ve read that’s not true. Also, worry, if I get hospitalized and can’t take them, I’ll be back in severe WD, can’t do that again!!!

trying to minimize supplements, …. But I don’t have the greatest diet, almost everything upsets my stomach, I eat because I have to, not out of enjoyment anymore, so miss that! 
 

I wish I had a more direct plan to follow for this healing process. I’m all over the place because I don’t know what is best to do for being in this place. I’m so angry most of the time for starting tapering and quitting.  I just don’t know what direction to take??? 
 

anyways …thank you for listening 🙂

[Catina7]

28 minutes ago, Kaylaq said:

Thank you Catina for answering…I’m so looking for someone to connect with.  I feel so alone most of the time, my family doesn’t understand, they want me to reinstate.  I’m afraid all the time, I go around & around all day, ….hang in there or reinstate??? 
 

I was only taking the L-Theanine and GABA in the beginning cause I didn’t know what else to do, the negative thoughts were destroying me….since being on Saint John’s Wort, the excessive rumination has eased.  Now of course I worry about being on them, as I was told there would be no withdrawal if I stopped but I’ve read that’s not true. Also, worry, if I get hospitalized and can’t take them, I’ll be back in severe WD, can’t do that again!!!

trying to minimize supplements, …. But I don’t have the greatest diet, almost everything upsets my stomach, I eat because I have to, not out of enjoyment anymore, so miss that! 
 

I wish I had a more direct plan to follow for this healing process. I’m all over the place because I don’t know what is best to do for being in this place. I’m so angry most of the time for starting tapering and quitting.  I just don’t know what direction to take??? 
 

anyways …thank you for listening 🙂

 

If you don't reinstate you'll eventually heal, just keep that in mind.  As far as reinstatement goes, you may want to review this link:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

I'm sorry you feel alone.  It's hard for our loved ones to comprehend what we're going through.  There are so many members here that can relate to you, so we're glad you're here and hope you can feel understood and supported as you begin your healing and recovery.  

Edited February 10 by Catina7

[Kaylaq]

Thank you 😊 

[KaiLee]

You wouldn't know how much your kind words has helped me.

Thank you.

 

 

 A big smile

Please make your day a nice day, best day as possible.

Know that I am with you.

I wish you can have a nice day today.
 

 

[Kaylaq]

Im trying to post in my own intro or section but don’t know how….. how do I write or continue in my own story?  
 

I wanted to share this forum link I came across here. https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6129-the-importance-of-recognizing-youre-feeling-good/

 

I had a really tough day today…so much crying, and brain pain. 

 

[Kaylaq]

Oh, it seemed to work…but how do I do this without starting a new topic? 

[Emonda]

Hi Kayla,

I've just moved your new post back here.

 

55 minutes ago, Kaylaq said:

how do I write or continue in my own story?  

 

Down below where I have posted this, you can see a blank box for you to start writing in....just start typing there. Once you're done, hit "submit Reply".

 

56 minutes ago, Kaylaq said:

I had a really tough day today…so much crying, and brain pain. 

 

Sorry you've had a rough day. You probably have WD symptoms from your rapid taper last year: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

A few helpful links for you

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Non-drug coping strategies

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Avoid alcohol. 

 

This is your own Introduction topic.  Each member has only ONE Introduction topic.  Your own Introduction topic is the best place to ask questions and the place to journal your progress.  This keeps your history in one place and means you do not have to repeat your story. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda

[Kaylaq]

Thank you Emonda,  yes, I’ve read most of the articles, and have been taking Magnesium and Omega 3 for a while now. 
 

my question, when I’m in the activity section reading other posts….or when I want to journal in my own posting, how do I find my own introduction page… that’s what I’m having trouble with.  I can post on other’s pages or follow up here when I get an answer but if I haven’t been here for a few days, i can’t see where to find my own thread… 

 

thank you 😊 

[Emonda]

4 hours ago, Kaylaq said:

how do I find my own introduction page

 

Ah, I'd just use the search function in the top right corner to search for your username. Hope that helps.

[Kaylaq]

Thank you 😊 

[Kaylaq]

Does anyone have any information on being on Saint John’s Wort? I’ve been on it for 3 months, it seems to help…. I’m concerned about long term use,  or I end up in a hospital and I have to stop suddenly! 

[redkite]

HI, Just chipping in!!! In the past I used St Johns Wort and it was good but i developed a hypersensitivity to the  sun and had to stop. I whish i could use it now because it was so much less toxic than the chemicals. It looks like you have done a huge amount of reducing over the last couple of months and it will be tough but reach out anytime I am on here every other day and will help if I can. I started reducing in 2022 and its a long hawl.... hair and tortoise!!! try to listen to the birds at dawn and dusk it is very soothing and reassuring I think. Take care Redkite

[Kaylaq]

Thank you for your response … how long where you on SJW?  Did you taper or go CT? How did the sun sensitivity manifest?  I love the sun and worry about that reaction?  
 

thank you so much for your input 😊

[KaiLee]

Dear Kaylaq,

I've heard Saint John's wort could be a help but it could also have bad results.

 

I personally haven't it tried yet, although I did purchase it a while ago.

Please take care.

 

[Kaylaq]

I am having a couple of new symptoms that have increased my anxiety level…. My face skin feels like it is on fire, fever like… and the skin on my hands feel like I have tiny cuts… is this a new WD symptom coming or is this maybe from the Saint John Wort?   I can’t handle any more symptoms as it’s all ready too much! 
 

I have decided to slowly cut back on the SJW, I reduced one capsule a day of 300mg, hopefully that’s not too much. Will give it a week before reducing anymore. 
 

feeling so frustrated with all this unknown…. 😣😣😣 trying to be brave and patient😥 so scared of the horrible thoughts taking over again. 

[KaiLee]

Dear Kaylaq,

I know this could only be a word but not a help, but please do feel better.

I am personally feeling much better than I was few days ago. I hope this news can give you some hope, too.

 

[Kaylaq]

Thank you, Kailee… I appreciate it!   My face is on fire 🔥 scared 😨 

[KaiLee]

All I can say is that your words have given me great hope and touched my heart deeply.

[KaiLee]

I am not so sure of your condition, but are you able to read on some topics?

I have found this topic that shares issues about the burning skins. Could you possibly read through this?

[KaiLee]

On 4/23/2014 at 11:02 PM, cymbaltawithdrawal5600 said:

Sounds like a histamine reaction to something. Your nervous system goes wonky in WD and we all have various symptoms. It may some digging to find out the cause. Did you change laundry detergent, for example? You may be reacting to this (called 'contact dermatitis'). Wash your clothes in plain water for a while and see if it helps (yes, they will get clean enough).

 

And you might try a 'low histamine' diet. Giak had great results with this:

 

http://beyondmeds.com/2013/01/07/histamine-intolerance/

 

She talks about it in this thread:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3503-histamine-intolerance/?hl=histamine

 

You will need to dig out what is causing this or you may have to see a doc for allergy testing before you consider taking an antihistamine, for example, benadryl. Sensitized systems can react badly to them, even OTC stuf like benadryl.

 

[KaiLee]

On 4/24/2014 at 12:37 AM, cymbaltawithdrawal5600 said:

Wash all your clothes now and all your bedding. Stop the perfumes and plug in scents if you use them. Get a hypoallergenic soap like glycerine. Think about what substances you may come in contact with and get rid of them. Question all your supplements too. It may take a while but I bet you find something. It nay well be your diet too. Keep a log of what you eat and see if you can see a pattern. Yours SEEMS like an uncommon WD reaction.

 

Drink more water.

 

[KaiLee]

On 6/9/2015 at 12:22 PM, oskcajga said:

It's some sort of peripheral neuropathy.  There's not much you can do to relieve it, other than to avoid fast food with a bunch of preservatives (including chinese food with MSG) and alcohol, nicotine, and any other drug.  It will heal over time.  I used to not even be able to feel my own limbs and have SEARING pain all over my body at times, like someone poured a cup of hot water on my hands and feet and face.  Over the past 2 years or so, it's just gradually disappeared and sometimes I don't even notice it anymore. 

 

I eat a very healthy diet, and cook 95% of all of my meals and eat a LOT of fruit and vegetables, so I think that helps - I also get exercise for about 60-90 minutes at least 3-4X per week.  Other than that theres NOTHING you can do to improve this symptom (at least not that I've discovered).  Your nerves will slowly heal themselves as long as you don't take any drugs whatsoever that aggravate the condition.

 

It's really damn scary, I agree - it's the scariest symptom of all of them (along with the numbness).

 

In addition to the burning skin, I used to also get the "barber chair electric sensation" whereby a wave of weird tingling would spread down my leg or up my body.  I used to get this sort of barber chair sensation all over my head and face and limbs, many times a day - it was really utterly terrifying.  I used to have a lot of tremors and involuntary twitches and crazy flashing and lights in my eyes.  Sometimes I'd feel like my leg was hot in one location but not others.  My hands and feet felt like someone had chopped off my hands and feet, because there was THAT little sensation coming from my limbs to my brain.  I often worried about chopping my fingers off while using a cutting knife or something.

 

Sort of amazingly like 75% of these symptoms have either disappeared or become relatively difficult to notice.  This has been over a 1 year period.

 

If I can heal from this, you'll heal eventually as well.  Just need to be extremely patient and try to accept that this is your life and that it's the only one you're going to get. 

 

I haven't found any words about SJW yet, but it seems many people from withdrawal have suffered from the same symptom.

I don't know very well, but I guess it would be wise to cut back the SJW little by little and see if there's any change in your symptoms.

I am sorry I cannot give you any better help.

[KaiLee]

On 3/1/2016 at 10:39 AM, Fresh said:

I had badly burning and itchy feet for a while last year before I got my pristiq compounded

in capsules with slow release additive. For me , it was directly a symptom of "dose-dumping"

and resolved as soon as I got that sorted.

 

I got relief in initially from ice and frozen gel packs , but it would come back intensely

every hour between 10pm and 2/3 am.

 

I lay there one night just feeling it , and thinking it was like the burning I got from

a hot Madras curry. So I tried slathering my feet with Greek yoghurt , and it stopped almost

instantly. No exaggeration , lol. For the next week or so I went to sleep with each

foot in a freezer bag tied at the ankle , covered in Greek yoghurt.

 

Love to know if this works for anyone else .

 

[Kaylaq]

Im so lost and angry, I was just staring to feel a little bit better, and now this new symptom… I read the suggestions given me above.  Now it’s seem I have something else to worry about “Histamina”  my diet is limited as it it!!!  I have a basic clean diet…nothing has changed in the last year, …no gluten, no coffee, low sugar, no sodas, ect….lost of protein…. I drink lots of water,  I do take Probiotics in the form of Kefir everyday as it keeps the H. Pylori at bay.  
 

compared to others my life wasn’t so bad on AD, yes, I had brain fog, and fatigue, slept 12 hours or more, a few other things,…but I managed through life. I had a life, ….now I don’t!!!!!  I hate this, constant suffering, unable to function, … it has destroyed so much!    I try to keep the fear out of my head, and the negative attacks to a minimum as the break downs cause more problems and more stomach pain.  
so much fear, so many weird body symptoms, so much crazy in my head!!! No sleep! Why am I doing this to myself?   I think about going back on meds, but because I’ve been in such a nervous disregulation place, I’m afraid of a worse outcome…

 

I read everything about WD, and improving health, but I just get more confused about what to do!!!  Feeling so hopeless 😩  I’ve always had a negativity bias towards life from childhood trauma but I was able to do so much healing from it.  I accomplished a few things in my life…and now at 65, no money, broken brain, so much anxiety, so much fear,  so much physical deterioration, no life!  I don’t know how to do this,  Why did I think going off my meds was a good idea. I don’t have the strength or courage for this withdrawal journey !!! 
 

I want my life back, this is no way to live!!! 😩😭😭😭 

[KaiLee]

I'm sorry, I'm not knowledgable enough to give you any advice about the meds, but I felt better when I wasn't trying to cast the fears away from my head.

When I tried to embrace the fears and accepted them as a part of me, telling them I understand, they weren't so haunting anymore.

You might already know this, and I understand how hard your situation might be...

[Kaylaq]

Thank you Kailee,  actually you gave me something to reflect on, I don’t think I’ve ever tried to accept the fears as in “understanding”.  

I know my WD symptoms aren’t as bad as what some of you suffer with here. I admire the courage of others to hang in there, suffering through this, so I really appreciate you being here for me also. It really helps! 
 

 

 

[Catina7]

16 hours ago, Kaylaq said:

I was just staring to feel a little bit better, and now this new symptom

 

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.  Try to think of new symptoms as just your body's way of healing.  A new symptom means it's something your body is undergoing in order to HEAL and get to a better place.  

 

You've been on these psych drugs for a very long time.  Your body is just trying to figure out how to function without the chemicals it has been fed for decades.  But TRUST in your body's ability to figure everything out.  It will take lots of time, but you WILL heal and recover.  

 

You're taking a large dose of St. John's Wort.  Are you sure that's not contributing to some of your issues?  You might want to stop it and see if it makes a difference.  St. John's Wort acts as like an antidepressant and obviously affects our central nervous system.  

 

You're a valued member here and have been so supportive of the other members.  Keep going no matter what.  There is a large reward waiting for you as long as you're patient with yourself.

 

Sending you much love and support!  -Catina ❤️

[Kaylaq]

Thank you Catina, your response helps a lot. 🙏🏻  Once it build up, the SJW really helped keep me out of that SI place, I was in High stress mode all the time, I am trying to keep my body from breaking down any further.  I have reduced one capsule of the SJW for now, it was really bothering my stomach a lot.  I also, take the capsule during my meal not after, to see if that helps with the skin side effects.   But everything takes time, to see if one action works or not!  

I can’t go back to that SI place again, I won’t survive!  as it is I’m surviving from moment to the next to keep my thoughts from being in a negative place, from not being overwhelmed by what is happening or what could happen.  I’m so grateful I can write here, where there is real understanding…. My family wants me to re-instate, they believe it will be easy and I’ll be okay again.  From what I have read here that because I’ve been off for so long, it might not work like before….im not the kind of person who is good with experimenting so… I stay in this limbo place hoping, praying it will get better. 

thank you for your support, this forum has saved me in so many ways, mostly knowing that I’m not alone in this. 🙏🏻🙏🏻😊

[Catina7]

1 hour ago, Kaylaq said:

I have reduced one capsule of the SJW for now

 

You may want to update your signature to reflect your latest dosage.   

 

1 hour ago, Kaylaq said:

because I’ve been off for so long, it might not work like before

 

That's very, very true.  From what I understand, reinstatement is best when done within four weeks.  Anything after that is a real gamble.

 

You did a pretty fast taper, so your nervous system is just trying to figure things out.  Time and patience will be your greatest healers.  I think too the fact that you're focusing on other members is a good thing.  So many need encouragement on here, but it also gives us a sense of purpose when we're helping others.  

 

You're doing great, hang in there!  

[Kaylaq]

Thank you, 🙏🏻 😊

[Kaylaq]

I find difficult to find my own posting timeline, there should be an easier way to bring up my topic so I can update and post…it’s probably me that can’t figure this out…I have to go and find past posting through search… what am I doing wrong? 

[Kaylaq]

Anyways, the gremlins are back….my thoughts are tearing me apart, the headaches too!  I came across this posting, and I wanted to repost… the tear down today is vicious!  I’m reading the below post again and again. 😭😭🤬😭🤯😡😭😭

 

 

 

[KaiLee]

I feel every emotion and struggle you showed with the emoticons.  

I truly hope there could be peace for both of us.