success ☼ Hudgens's story

[Hudgens]

Woke up in middle of last night with some pretty bad anxiety-the kind that seems so bad that you've even forgotten it's possible. But I got through it and slept fairly well after. Some low level anxiety today-gone now at bed time. Of course I'm worried about going to bed tonight-wondering if I'll have another episode like last night. Now 5 days on my absolutely last dosage.

[alex]

It was a wave Benz;your body making some fine tuning...

It doesn't have to happen again.

You are doing so fine.

[Hudgens]

Yeah, probably. Thanks.

Last night had a peaceful 4 hours sleep and then a symptomless day, and feeling fine a bedtime.

Got a lot done today, too. 

[Hudgens]

Slept well again, good day-work done, no symptoms. Mood good. 8th day since final drop.

[Hudgens]

Everything fine today.

[Hudgens]

Last night after falling into a light doze, I had one of my rare (once every 2-3 months) episodes of confusion. Not so bad this time, lasted 15 minutes, although it started clearing up after the first 5 minutes. Did some digging online and think what I'm experiencing in these episodes is what's called "Transient Epileptical Amnesia". The brain zaps I get as I doze off each night might be part of this too, but I can't find this in the literature. I'm sure it all stems from withdrawal or possibly more specifically from the withdrawal insomnia. The first episodes ocurred about 3 months after I started having trouble with withdrawal symptoms (a year and a half ago). If I'm right that it's a part of withdrawal, then it should eventually go away.

 

Had some mild anxiety for a good portion of the day today, but feeling fine at bedtime.

[Narcissus]

Sounds a little scary Hudgens, I hope those go away for you soon.

[Hudgens]

Thanks, I've mentioned them before. It doesn't happen very often and I'm convinced it's a withdrawal symptom-too much of a coincidence that they started right after my withdrawal got bad a year and a half ago. Anyway, it may be something only mimicing Transient Eliptical Amnesia since there are several other symptoms that commonly go with it that I don't have.

I also see on other forums that the waking up confused is not completely unheard of with antidepressants and benzo withdrawal. I've seen it mentioned in other places as well not associated with antidepressants but still with various anxiety disorders and chronic insomnia (I've rarely had a full night's sleep in close to 2 years now.

 

Today was a good day symptom-wise. I'm eating well again and managing 4-5 continuous hours of sleep a night, 11 days out from beginning my final dosage. I'm shooting for June 16th (Bloomsday), or maybe I should wait until July 4th.

[Northcoastboy]

Woke up in middle of last night with some pretty bad anxiety-the kind that seems so bad that you've even forgotten it's possible. But I got through it and slept fairly well after. Some low level anxiety today-gone now at bed time. Of course I'm worried about going to bed tonight-wondering if I'll have another episode like last night. Now 5 days on my absolutely last dosage.

Hi Jeff.

I get exactly the same as you. Fall asleep easily and get these massive surges of anxiety that wake me up. Next morning I wonder if it was a dream or a nightmare. I get them like every third night.

I also get tinnitus and the munchies:-).

During the day I do mindfullness meditation and relaxation which seems to help day time anxiety levels.

I did a post yesterday on this vey subject of nighttime problems and got no reply.

Thought I was the only one!

[Hudgens]

No, you are not the only one. Mostly I've been waking up with a cortisol surge (anxiety), some mindfulness and it's gone for the most part in 20-30 minutes, so not too bad, really.

My big complaint lately is that I seem so clumsy, goofy and forgetfull. I mean very noticably. I make dopey mistakes in my reasoning, too. And I'm misreading things (internet and books) alot. I chalk it all up to over a year and a half of insomnia (avg. 4 hrs a night), and withdrawal in general-I'm in the home stretch of my taper, 3-5 weeks left, after 3.5 years. 

 

No withrawal symptoms today. Feeling very tired but pretty good at bedtime.  

[Hudgens]

Some confusion again while dozing off last night-could call it brain fatigue, difficulty in concentrating about anything. I then woke up with and had brain foginess for the entire day and still have it at bedtime. Feel a strange lightheadedness, as though I'm not fully connecting with the world around me. I'm going to start excercising again tomorrow to see if that helps. Just another WD symptom, but I really don't like this one alot.

[Hudgens]

19th day since final drop. 5th day of brainfog. Worse at night. no ther withdrawal symptoms other than some irritability now and again.

got out for Memorial Day festivities, but not much else lately.

Still only sleeping 4 hrs a night.

[mammaP]

Some confusion again while dozing off last night-could call it brain fatigue, difficulty in concentrating about anything. I then woke up with and had brain foginess for the entire day and still have it at bedtime. Feel a strange lightheadedness, as though I'm not fully connecting with the world around me. I'm going to start excercising again tomorrow to see if that helps. Just another WD symptom, but I really don't like this one alot.

This perfectly describes me at times, I just wait it out and until it passes.  It isn't very nice at all and people just don't

understand when you try and explain so I just say I'm not well when those symptoms pop up.

 

You are so close to the end, and I'm rooting for you Hudgens 

[Hudgens]

Thanks. I had the waking up confused thing again last night. Unmistakably the kind of thinking you might associate with the kind of "nonsense" thinking you might have while dreaming, only it seems to last for a few minutes after waking up.

And my thinking at these times is so sluggish. It also happens sometimes after I've fallen into a twilight sleep (I mean not completely asleep, but almost). This last episode was also accompanied by some mild dizziness that lasted about 15 minutes longer than the initial confused state. The confusion is always short lived (3-5 minutes) now. Always has something to do with-confusion about-withdrawal symptoms. Never about, for example, my personal identity or what's going on in my life general, I mean, it's very specific, and so I don't think it would be reasonable not to conclude that it's a part of withdrawal. Especially since I've made this final drop to almost nothing less than even 3 weeks ago.

 

This, plus the general brain fog and making all kinds of goofy mistakes that I wouldn't normally make during the day, are the only withdrawal symptoms right now. I'm pretty happy about that.

[Hudgens]

More confusion apon waking last night-this time, though, it was clearly just acting, for about 45 sec.s to a minute, as though what I'd just been dreaming about was true. I'd just been dreaming that I'd put my ear plugs under my pillow, then I woke up and started looking for them under the pillow and then on the floor, then I realized they were in my ears while I was sleeping and that I'd dreamed the part about them being under the pillow. Clearly a case of waking from a deep part of sleep and not being fully awake for a about a minute or less.

 

Today I excercised more than usual in an attempt to break through the persistant brain fog of the last 11 days. It was particularly bad to the pt. of being uncomfortable yesterday right up until I finally fell asleep around 4 am.

 

The excercise really helped. I'm thinking much more clearly right now and since the workout. The brain fog isn't gone, but much less evident.  

No ther symptoms today, hopefully a more peaceful night.

[Hudgens]

Slept 7-8 hours last night, woke with some anxiety after the first 3-4 hrs.  Brain fog lifted after yesteday's excercising, was also gone most of today, but seems to be back again, though maybe not as bad. Lightheadedness and anxiety from 6-9PM, easing now.

Walked to the beach today and read for an hour there.

Not feeling too bad now 3 weeks into this final drop. The full night's sleep was certainly welcome.

[Hudgens]

Not feeling too bad, not many symptoms a month into this last drop.

Having more confusion and difficulty with short term memory lately.

Although it was mostly happening in and around bedtime before, now

is happening during waking hours-middle to early afternoon-for example,

forgetting what I was doing, then, once I remember what my earlier goal was,

can't remember exactly what sidetracked me. Just a lot of short term memory loss for

an hour or so. Also had an episode of amnesia a few days ago-suddenly couldn't remember

what "email" referred to. Very strange experience. It lasted for about 20 seconds.

At the same time, I'm not having any trouble learning how to read German which entails a lot of memorization.

All this is the new main symptom for me for the last 2-3 weeks (right after my latest drop) and I hope it eases

as have the others over time. It's one of the worst, right next to depression.   

[Hudgens]

Slept better, 4-5 hrs, last two nights. Very little brain fog or confusion, head feels much clearer.

Some short periods of mild anxiety.

The muscle twitch I'd developed on the bridge of my nose (had it everyday for almost four months, about twice a minute) suddenly

disappeared about a week ago.

My periods of sleep have become more peaceful.

Back to meditating for 15 minutes every morning.

In a few weeks I'll decide whether I want to start the post taper, no rush, of course, after all this time.   

[Narcissus]

Sounds like you're moving forward Hudgens, I'm glad that confusion is clearing up, sounds a little scary.

[Hudgens]

It's a lot scary. But less since I've found it mentioned on this site and many other places online as being associated with

antidepressants.

It's as if your brain farts!

[Hudgens]

Got out to two community events today. Didn't sleep as well last night as I have been recently, 3 hrs.

No symptoms today at all, which includes no confusion or brain fog. (About an hour of restless leg syndrome last night in bed, though).

Been getting 15 minutes of sunlight every day last two weeks.

Feels like I've got a little more energy last few days, certainly a clearer head. Better mood, too.

[Hudgens]

The kind of day I like to report, beginning with a peaceful night's sleep (6-7 hrs!), followed by a completely symptomless day, all in addition to it being a warm, and sunny.  

[alex]

GOOD!!!!

[mammaP]

Great news Hudgens 

[Hudgens]

Another pretty good day, although an hour of moderate anxiety in the late afternoon.

6 weeks now since final drop. If things stay OK, I might be looking at beginning my post taper July 1st. 

[Altostrata]

Okay! I sense a success story in the fall.

[dalsaan]

That's some journey Hudgens.   Got my fingers crossed for you and am confident you will do ok.

 

Thanks for sharing your journey with us

 

Dalsaan

[Hudgens]

Today was just like yesterday, only I got more sleep last night. Same anxiety in the afternoon-a little earlier today. Some real irritability around 5 PM, too. Both symptoms gone now at 9 PM. Got a lot of exercise today. Ate a little better. Mood very good, especially when I was exercising earlier.  

[Hudgens]

Only 3 hrs of sleep last night. Woke up with anxiety (Cortisol) which eased in about 15 minutes, then a low level anxiety throughout first half of day, then feeling very normal again.

I was specifically experiencing a kind of uncomfortable giddiness (low level anxiety) when I looked up at the trees and the sky. Never had this one before, a kind of acrophobia? I was on my 2nd story deck when I felt this, wanted to go inside, but sat still and thought about how I was feeling inside (mindfulness) and then meditated on my breathing for a while, and the anxious, giddy feelings left.

Astonishing, you think you've done all of the symptoms and a new one pops up.

 

Otherwise, seems like a good day. Mood's fine.  

[Hudgens]

4.5hrs sleep.

Low level anxiety for most of the day, lifted a few hors before bedtime.

Some mild brain fog late afternoon to early evening.

Mood very good, especially during exercise (walk to beach and back plus ten minutes of handball).

[Hudgens]

Yesterday and today both good. Only about 3 hours of sleep last night, though. Got out to see a lot of people both

relatives and old friends. Always good. No symptoms, other than the insomnia, either day.  

[Hudgens]

Surprised that I let 3-4 days go by without posting.

Getting a pretty good night's sleep about every other night.

Experiencing some unwanted thoughts and anxiety.

Being out and around others eases this, in fact, gets rid of it.

Exercising every day (walking). Eating slightly better.

Mood good the majority of the time.

Not bad overall. Brain zaps seem to be fading, too.  

[Hudgens]

Brain zaps-never that bad anyway-have quite definitely toned down.

Sleep time has slightly improved.

Getting out a lot more. Sitting around the community pool every day for at least an hour and a half.

So things are looking real good for post taper, any time soon.

Haven't really had a significant wave in months. 

[Hudgens]

Sleeping about 5 hours a night.

Had a few hours of lightheadedness yesterday while I was out with a few friends at local mall, and just went with it.

Coming up on 2 months at final dosage.

Had an episode of what I've always called "night pain" last night in bed. It's just like restless leg syndrome, only I feel it throughout my upper body and arms, too. Difficult to lie still, but it faded after about 30 minutes of body relaxation meditation.

My mood is good. For most of the day today I felt absolutely normal.    

[Hudgens]

Got an ear infection out of the blue yesterday, went for ear drops and Augmentin. These make me feel kind'a sick, nausea and dizziness. Not good when everything's been going so well nearing the taper's end, but I'm doing OK. Went to a community picnic on the main beach today. Did some gardening in the morning. Have avoided taking any prescription pain killer so far, just sticking to Advil and Tylenol which also helps with the crapy feeling from the antibiotics. I don't think the antibiotics are interfering with the trace of Effexor I'm still taking, or at least I haven't noticed anything yet. I think it might be possible, since the lower GI gets moving faster with things like Augmentin, that antidepressants might not stay in the GI track as long and therefore not as much of them may be absorbed. But as I said, haven't noticed any extra withdrawal symptoms as of yet. In fact, subtracting the antibiotics' side effects-I haven't had much withdrawal at all last few days. Mood's still good.       

[Hudgens]

Been doing alright lately.

Antibiotics for ear infection are making me feel drowsy.

Having some anxiety for the last 2 hours.

Sleeping slightly better than usual, between 4-5 hours.

Mood's good.