☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

[Altostrata]

mammaP, I'm so proud of you. You're really looking out for yourself.

[mammaP]

Thanks Alto, It feels good that someone is proud of me  . It is so good to have my voice back

and the ability to speak up and know what I am talking about instead of rambling and mumbling

not finding words and looking like a complete moron  . I thought I was too old and past it ,

and people would talk to me like I was a child. The way people do tend to talk to the elderly 

 

Now I can walk in head held high and tackle anyone  I'll be tackling the shrinks next  .

 

Another thing that is good...........people would offer senior discounts  without my asking.

Now if I ask for a discount they ask for evidence, I asked one young man a few weeks ago and he

asked for my bus pass then laughed and said  'nice try'  when I told him I don't have one because I drive! 

I was very happy to forego the discount 

[mattinsmom]

You have more than one person proud of you. I know you were dreading that appointment and the way that you took charge is an example for us all. When we listen to our bodies and that little voice inside, we're usually right. Another confirmation via mommP.

 

One suggestion, don't actually tackle the shrinks.They've never had assertiveness training and are unable to comprehend self-advocacy. Their insecurities become all agitated and they get all weird about it and scream "mental illness". Poor little things.  

 

I am really proud of you. I know its hard. Woot Woot!

[tezza]

We are all proud of you, now, you should be proud of yourself!

 

Wanted to add: what a compliment that guy didn't even know he gave when he wouldn't discount!

[mammaP]

Thank you Amy and Tezza, that made me laugh out loud about the shrinks  .

 

Still haven't had a call from the doctor who promised she would speak to the consultant. 

Maybe she can't pin him down! 

Felt quite low again today, the window seemed to be closing already. I made myself get bathed

and dressed then went to visit my grandaugher and took some goodies for the little one who is 1 1/2.

It really gave me a lift seeing her little face when she saw her new welly boots and Peppa pig pyjamas 

I even got to look after her when Mummy went on an errand 

 

It is not good for me to be alone, even when it is so hard to be with people it is much better for me than

being alone. I really have to make more effort to make sure I have interaction with people, I can go for

days sometimes without seeing anyone, and before taper it could be 2-3 weeks! The longer I am alone

the harder it is to get out. I'm sure there are many here who are in the same situation, with no reason to

go anywhere or even get out of bed sometimes! 

[tezza]

I'm glad I've got DH even though he sleeps if he sits down. At least someone is here part of the day. I'm alone most of my waking hours, though, and it really is not good.

 

While I was deep in WD, it was really bad being alone. One dear older lady became the one that I leaned on for someone to talk to. If it hadn't been for her I think I'd have really lost it. She passed away suddenly on Oct. 11. Her DH was in stage 4 prostate cancer, DXd in stage 4 - 11 months before she passed. He lived 98 days after she died, he stopped going to the docs, taking meds and gave up.

 

He was lonely without her, even though her brother still lived with him. It's not good to be lonely. I'm so glad you can get out like you did and visit your grand-daughter. That was good for you! You are very strong, some of us haven't been able to force ourselves to do something like that. When we do, we feel very accomplished.

 

You're gonna be great!

[Nikki]

Hi Mama P and Tezza

 

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing:)

[btdt]

Today was the day I was dreading, hospital for tests/scans.  I refused the test and had a long 

discussion with the doctor who understood me and agreed that we shouldn't do it. 

When I arrived I asked what the test was and what they hoped to find out from it.

At my last appointment 2-3  weeks ago they said x-rays showed lesions that were consistent

with infection in the bone. ( Previous scans had also pointed to infection but were never followed up.

the new lesions are in a different part of the same bone.) I understood the test was a biopsy and 

a scan with contrast dye injected into the joints. 

 

When I asked for details the doctor told me that she was instructed to use the dye to check for loosening

of the artificial hip joint, no mention of infections!  I explained to her everything that has happened and

she looked at all my previous scans and x rays.  Then agreed that the test that was ordered was not

necessary, I already had that one and she couldn't understand why it was ordered. 

 

She is going to talk to the consultant and call me back to tell me what they want to do. She will fit me in at

short notice if they want to order more tests. It was a junior doctor that ordered it not the consultant. 

So I'm not in more pain, because I didn't go through with it. I am very pleased with myself for being assertive

and questioning what they were doing. I usually just go along with whatever they say because they are doctors.

Now I don't hold them in awe and don't trust their judgement.  I wonder why that is 

 

On the withdrawal side I have felt much better the last 2 days, completely different. A window has opened and I

didn't even get stressed today  . The weekend was very low and I was very grumpy and tired, sick of it all

and then just like that (snaps fingers) the wave has settled and the window has opened. That wave seemed to go

on for such a long time, about 2 months, I hope the window stays open that long  

Two happy posts in a row I did not read the rest yet I am so happy you questioned them made sense of what is going on.  Onward and upward I hope she gets to the bottom of this and glad your happy

[btdt]

Thank you Amy and Tezza, that made me laugh out loud about the shrinks  .

 

Still haven't had a call from the doctor who promised she would speak to the consultant. 

Maybe she can't pin him down! 

Felt quite low again today, the window seemed to be closing already. I made myself get bathed

and dressed then went to visit my grandaugher and took some goodies for the little one who is 1 1/2.

It really gave me a lift seeing her little face when she saw her new welly boots and Peppa pig pyjamas 

I even got to look after her when Mummy went on an errand 

 

It is not good for me to be alone, even when it is so hard to be with people it is much better for me than

being alone. I really have to make more effort to make sure I have interaction with people, I can go for

days sometimes without seeing anyone, and before taper it could be 2-3 weeks! The longer I am alone

the harder it is to get out. I'm sure there are many here who are in the same situation, with no reason to

go anywhere or even get out of bed sometimes! 

Indeed I have spent many days in bed and many inside the house... many days I would not want to see people either so it all worked out.  Not saying it is good for a person but some of those times I needed to just be still. 

There have been times where I had to kick myself in the pants and I am not living alone but it often feels like it.. and some of it is my own doing with odd sleep patterns that do not conform to a normal life style. 

I stopped picking on myself about it all and decided to be nice to me then I am more apt to want to do something on the good days when they come. 

I was mistaken for a senior last wk... by my physio therapist... did not make me happy... seems we are at opposite ends of the same coin.  I have to admit I really don't mind think it was a problem he had lol yep I am in denial.  I really feel rather old and tired but did not think I looked it but maybe I do.  A lot of grooming I use to do has fallen by the wayside in part because I don't go many places that demand a finer look and partly because make up reacts on me even hair spay it is a weird life these last few years.  I have however grown in many other ways that I find interesting so there is always something to learn or do it seems if you have a computer.  I think if I had a computer as a child or teenager when I was hungry for knowledge I would never have left the house. I think starting a blog would be a good idea if you go into hosp I am sure some from here will follow your care and loved ones who are at a distance can be kept up to date fine plan

[mammaP]

Today is a bad day after some really good ones but it is to be expected. I was a 

bit silly yesterday and ate cakes, 2 lovely ones with pastry and custard and fondant 

 

Always were my favourites, but paying the price today, then my gorgeous grandson 

came today and had bought me a big doughnut with sprinkles on, double  ! 

 

So today I've been exhausted, sleeping fitfully with weird dreams again. Bloated and 

sick.  My own fault, one day I will learn, I keep saying that but I never do learn, one whiff

of cake and I buckle!  Can't even think straight, maybe I'm putting too much blame on the

cakes, I always feel exhausted after activity so the combination of activity and cakes have

floored me. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully will be better. Grandson is staying over

and we are going to watch a movie later 

[mammaP]

It is 4.30am and I'm having a reaction to niacin. I took one before bed at 1.30, and now my skin feels on fire

and the itching is crazy. There's a red rash covering my whole body and my joints are red and swollen. 

It's been driving me insane for 2 hours and I've just taken an anti histamine. I couldn't understand what it was

and just went into the kitchen for the A/H and saw the niacin on the counter. It has to be that, there's been

nothing else different. It feels like I'm laid in a bed of nettles 

[btdt]

I dd that before it did not last too long only did it once niacin is known for this type of reaction it can be bought without the flushing not sure if that is what your having exactly it sounds a bit more extreme.. I have no words of wisdom just ears of sympathy.

[mattinsmom]

Please let us know how you are coming with your reaction.

[Petunia]

I've also heard of people getting a niacin rash, or flush.  But it sounds like you are having a very bad reaction.  Have you ever taken niacin before?  I find calamine lotion is good for itching and burning, not sure if it would work for an allergic reaction though. Not the most attractive look, to be covered in big white splotches, but it works.

 

How are you doing now MammaP?  I hope it wears off soon.

 

(hugs)

[mammaP]

It started to calm down  about 30 minutes after the anti histamine  and I finally got off to sleep. 

That was quite scary! I've never heard of niacin flush, will google it but I'm certain it was 

an allergic reaction but the rash was all over, not like hives. A bit like tiny blisters, like a heat rash

and so itchy I couldn't bare anything touching my skin. Water helped but only when it was actually

on the skin and then couldn't stand the towel or anything touching me.  I've never experienced

anything like it!  I will NOT be taking that again in a hurry!  Of course there is the possibility that

it was the 'flush' and I am just a wuss and a drama queen  ! 

Away to consult Dr google....

[mammaP]

I googled and it seems like it could have been  a 'flush'! It started at the back of my neck and moved 

on to my face and ears but that calmed down after 10 minutes or so and the itching started  maybe

20-30 minutes after that,  It covered the whole of my body and my legs were terrible. It went on for

hours but calmed pretty soon after the anti histamine which could have been a coincidence? 

I took it with a banana and glass of water, I never take any tablets without food but maybe a banana

wasn't enough. It isn't something I  want to repeat in a hurry! 

[mammaP]

Did some more googling and some people actually take large doses to get the flushing 

Sheer masochistic torture is my view of it! 

 

It is capsules, 500mg. yet another bottle of supplements to add to my growing collection, 

we should have a supplement competition to see who has most lurking in the cupboard

[mattinsmom]

Fly-by check in.

 

I'm sorry that it happened and happy that it is resolving(solved). Seems nothing is "safe" these days. Then again, it probably never was.

[mammaP]

Fly-by check in.

 

I'm sorry that it happened and happy that it is resolving(solved). Seems nothing is "safe" these days. Then again, it probably never was.

I'm not surprised by it because I react to just about everything in one way or another! I buy an elderflower cordial

and it's all natural, too much sugar probably but I only use a splash and not the 1:4 ratio on the bottle.

Last week I started to react to it, my throat burned, eyes watered and it felt like drinking bleach. Checked the bottle

and it was not the regular brand, it had sulphate dioxide in it. The bottle was just like the regular one I get and I

hadn't noticed because I was shopping online.   I didn't expect a reaction to a vitamin though and am shocked that

there is no warning on the bottle.   I did sleep well once I did get off, but only for an hour because it was about 5.30

by then. Went to bed this afternoon and had a nice sleep, could have stayed there too. One day I'll sleep at normal

times like normal people 

[wulfgar]

Niacin pills is almost like a nasty prank ready to happen. I have also tried it, a 250mg niacin pill. Had to run an hide for several hours. Was tomato read all over and my scalp felt like my hair was standing right out. Did not want my family to think i was sick or something. Settled down after a few hours.

[mammaP]

Niacin pills is almost like a nasty prank ready to happen. I have also tried it, a 250mg niacin pill. Had to run an hide for several hours. Was tomato read all over and my scalp felt like my hair was standing right out. Did not want my family to think i was sick or something. Settled down after a few hours.

I took a 500mg capsule and felt like I was in a bed of nettles, almost called a doctor because

I was worried about anaphylaxis then remembered the antihistamines in the cupboard!  

We live and learn! 

[Nikki]

MamaP I am right there with you on consuming sweets and suffering the next day....I was always a sugar craver (new word) and the meds made it worse.

 

I had a niacin flush once that was so bad (I didn't know what it was) and took myself to the emergency room where I was given a short of an antihistamine. 

 

Yep, sugar takes me out particularly if I eat it at night.  This is an addiction I have not yet kicked

[mammaP]

My sugar indulgence is really showing now. I feel terrible, bloated and spilling out over my jeans,

(sorry if TMI, lol) cramps, fuzzy head full of cotton wool, lethargy and agitated. And sinuses blocked.

Unless it is a combo of the sugar, niacin, and anti histamine. It's weird but I feel like I did before

tapering, except that I am agitated and weepy too, can't keep still but want to curl up and sleep.

 

This too shall pass....this too shall pass....this too shall pass!!!! 

[btdt]

I think there is something called a feedback loop when it comes to antihistamines.  I researched it before when I could not sleep for days on end.. and tried 1/3 of an antihistamine to help with that.  I can't recall just now what is was all about but think it came about by taking a whole antihistamine to sleep and in the days that followed was not pleased with the results.  It will work but later I paid in a kick up in symptoms. 

 

At that time I found some information not sure where that helped me with a plan to use only a very small dose if I were to use it at all... there is a site called antidepressantfacts.com that guy suggests starting any supplement at one sixth the dose in case it reacts or has a rebound effect... this way you can tell if you sensitive to it.  I took this to heart.  

 

I used the antihistamines in 1/3 doses only when the lack of sleep created symptoms of odd thinking... as I do believe lack of sleep can cause bigger problems if you go days without sleep. I saved the AH for those days and took very very little of it. As I learned to respect supplements.  My currant situation with vit d and mag is a further course in this same lesson it would seem. 

 

If it is a reaction to the AH at this point it will pass in time.  I can't recall why I took the niacin when I did think it was suggested to help the liver.  

 

If we are having a contest on how many supplements I am in I have two shelves in a cupboard full a box under my bed... I keep them all because they say if you can't tolerate as supplement at one point it could change... and later be helpful.  I should actually go thru them and see what ones have expired as I am sure some have over the last 6 years.  

 

There is no denying AH are an important drug and when needed for a allergic reaction it is just that needed and good to have on hand.  Using the 1/6 dose  idea has served me well when I had the sense to adhere to it so am passing it on if anyone wants to use it. 

 

Hang in there Mamma P this will pass it is a time thing.  

[EternalOptimist]

Good luck MammaP. Sugar makes most of in w/d ill. as for fighting the craving, I learned loooong ago to use Chromium GTF.

Think it helped back then. too, by cutting out all sugar, ( including fruit) finally eradicated the sweet tooth but not easy to give up sugars.

 

Btdt, thnx 4 your input on AH and lower dose. I always use 1/4 th lowest dose. Maybe will try the 1/6 th.

[mammaP]

Alto must be shaking her head at me after all the times she tells us all to start low but it

didn't even occur to me with a vitamin pill, or that just a small amount of AH would be enough!

I do know the sugar has not helped, it was handed to me and I didn't like to refuse.  3 times in

a week after cutting right down was just silly of me. Once would have been fine.  I wasn't even

craving it and wouldn't have bought it all. Now I am back at craving it and can't believe how stupid

I've been  . No more will I indulge a 'little  bit', it's all loaded with additives too!

 

Your stash beats mine BT!  I chucked everything out 2 years ago, or rather

my kids did when they were packing up house for me. I was so busy trying to get relief from the AD

side effects it didn't occur to me that it was the AD that was the culprit and bought heaps of supplements

which did nothing to help and mostly made things worse. 

 

I will try the niacin again, in a VERY tiny dose and if I get the flushing again will sit in the bath till it's gone!

It is meant to help sleep, and worth another shot now I know about the flushing! 

 

Went to bed at lunchtime and slept a couple of hours, still feel yucky and woke up in a daze trying to find

my phone and wondering where I was, talking to myself. It's a good thing my grandson had left or he'd have 

thought I was drunk  .

[mammaP]

Bit better today but still washed out and suffering from post indulgence. After all my

vows of sugar celibacy my grandson showed up last night just as I popped my fish

fillet in the microwave and announced he and his dad (my son) were taking me out

to dinner! We went for an indian meal and it was very nice too, what a surprise that

was  .  I think I did well and chose wisely, spices don't affect me at all, not even the

reflux! I had a couple of teaspoons of sorbet but declined to be tempted by the ice 

creams.  

 

Didn't sleep last night because it was too hot! I hate a warm room for sleeping and had

forgotten to put off the heating! 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I couldn't figure out why you took the niacin till you posted that you thought it would help with sleep. I learned my lesson about 30 yrs ago with it. I thought I would jump out of my skin! But I did not get any rash, just the flushing. Pretty unbearable till it subsided. I do hope you can get your sleep straightened out soon. You are such a trouper!

[btdt]

Good luck MammaP. Sugar makes most of in w/d ill. as for fighting the craving, I learned loooong ago to use Chromium GTF.

Think it helped back then. too, by cutting out all sugar, ( including fruit) finally eradicated the sweet tooth but not easy to give up sugars.

 

Btdt, thnx 4 your input on AH and lower dose. I always use 1/4 th lowest dose. Maybe will try the 1/6 th.

It depends how sensitive you are I guess.  I think when people react to everything maybe they should get their liver checked.  I was once a diet from a book called the Fatty Liver Diet and felt the best I ever felt since quitting E.  I did not take any of the suggested supplements in the book tho I think they mentioned Taurine which I do take sometimes low dose only.  I am curious about the Chromium GTF do you know more about it you could share like how it works and on what?  Just curious really and do not want to take away from Mamma thread so if she could comment ... would be nice if she don't want it here you could pm me.  Thanks B 

Ps flour is sugar. according to the book and diet I followed.. not on the diet now. Known for a long time fruit messes me up.

[btdt]

Bit better today but still washed out and suffering from post indulgence. After all my

vows of sugar celibacy my grandson showed up last night just as I popped my fish

fillet in the microwave and announced he and his dad (my son) were taking me out

to dinner! We went for an indian meal and it was very nice too, what a surprise that

was  .  I think I did well and chose wisely, spices don't affect me at all, not even the

reflux! I had a couple of teaspoons of sorbet but declined to be tempted by the ice 

creams.  

 

Didn't sleep last night because it was too hot! I hate a warm room for sleeping and had

forgotten to put off the heating! 

Mamma when I have had a problem with eating sugar in any form I found I could get back on track with less difficulty if I drank water with the juice of half a lemon in it.  This is from the diet book about the fatty liver it seems to help me I am not sure exactly why.  The book says a cup of warm water with the juice of half a lemon. Just an idea for possible after care hope it helps. 

[mammaP]

Thanks EO and BT, Don't worry about hijacking my thread, it's all interesting stuff. 

 

I was doing well with my diet and it was simply being with people that blew it! I haven't 

been buying the junk  but when I was socialising recently there it was, on a plate and

the weirdest part of all is that I even ate a bite of something I detest! I need to learn how

to say NO and stick with it. I say no and then there's the 'go on, just one won't hurt' and

I give in.  Right now I couldn't eat any of it, I think I would gag if I even looked at chocolate! 

[EternalOptimist]

Hi MP

I feel for your struggle with sugar. I learned long ago to " chuck" it in the garbage as to put it in my mouth would spell trouble.

Course, wasn't easy at first. Since I am home most of the time and on my own, I can keep the temptation out of the house.

But when out, need a different trick. Hopefully, u will conquer this battle, yet another, soon and be at peace w/ this struggle.

One less stressor.

EO

[mammaP]

Thanks EO, I think I have learned my lesson now! I have been trying to be

healthy for a good while now and the cravings were just about gone. Wont be doing it again! 

 

The last few days have been awful. so tired and not wanting to get out of bed, then climbing

back into it after being up a couple of hours. It feels very much like pre-taper with no energy whatsoever.

Today I felt very agitated, couldn't rest but couldn't keep still and was having arguments with people in 

my head! Anyone and everyone, doctors, utility companies, phone sales people, all under fire inside my

head! In reality I wouldn't say boo to a goose and if I was in front of them wouldn't think of a thing to say,

I'm glad really because if I said all the stuff that I've been imagining I'd be very embarrassed afterwards!

 

I went to the shops and came back to get something done but was exhausted and went to bed for the 3rd

time today. Wasn't sleepy but when I hide under the covers it is a stillness that envelopes me and I try to

still my mind.  I think it is an agitation that comes before settling down and stabilising. I hope so, I'm going

to my daughter's in 2 weeks to look for a new place, I need to be well for that. 

 

I still haven't heard from the doctor who promised she would speak to my consultant and get back to me 

last week, but that is no surprise, I don't think anything doctors do would surprise me, unless it was to

consider their patient, that would surprise me  .

 

Feel a bit better this evening, like most of us here, evenings are better. By midnight I'll be ready to clean

the house and as I'm going to bed will be wanting to paint a wall   ! Then in the morning will be climbing it.

[btdt]

First laugh I have had in awhile:

"Feel a bit better this evening, like most of us here, evenings are better. By midnight I'll be ready to clean

the house and as I'm going to bed will be wanting to paint a wall    ! Then in the morning will be climbing it."

 

I could see all those years I was doing exactly that... and I had to laugh and what started as a small laugh turned out to be a large laugh it is midnight... lol and everyone else is trying to sleep and here cackling loudly.  Luckily they are sound sleepers comes from working all day as I vaguely recall. 

I was taking some laundry to my room in the middle of the night last night and thought of all the nights I have spent in withdrawal when my child was young and how he just took for granted that any time he got up in the night I would be there. I am sure he thinks it normal for mothers to be up most of the night cleaning and baking muffins ect.  For one long withdrawal when he was young I would bake muffins when I could not sleep even made bread a couple of time figured I would be up anyway may as well have the nice smell of baking and do something productive.  It would not have surprised him to wake in the morning to find a wall had been painted or an entire room sometimes... I wonder how all this has changed our life together a lot for sure... just a very odd life really. 

I am having that problem too with doctors lately they don't do anything they say they will and never call back. Whatever I am still here. 

[mammaP]

Glad it made you laugh BT  it is funny the way my life goes!! 

I have always been an owl, way before meds I would be up most of the night doing stuff. 

I always feel better when the rest of the world is sleeping. I used to do the decorating when the

kids were in bed, Make them outfits  and even moved a kitchen sink once while they were sleeping!

They joke about it now, that they would get up in the morning and a whole room had been painted.

One time they went to bed and I decided we were going camping next day, when they got up we

were all packed and ready to go.  I would sleep while they were at school, I would have been perfect

for night shift!  

 

Didn't sleep much again last night, maybe an hour or so.  I was exhausted and wanted to sleep at 6pm 

but told myself I would get a warm bath and go to bed at 10. I was so sure that I would sleep because I

couldn't keep my eyes open at 6 but by 8.30 I was feeling better and by midnight felt how I would love to

feel in the mornings! 

 

Really tired again today, feel sick and dizzy. In a lot of pain too so took a tramadol. They always make me

feel sick and out of it for a while but then feel ok when they start to wear off but then the pain comes back.

My grandson has just arrived and offered me a long gummy snake. I love them but declined so he's eaten

it for me, see, I can be good  .  Better go and talk to him, it's rude being on the computer while he's sitting

there, even if he is on his phone 

[Narcissus]

Are you feeling better today, mammaP?  One hour of sleep, yikes!  That would destroy me.  

 

Gummy snakes are good...although I think I prefer the gummy sharks.  You know the ones, they're blue and white?