☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

[Meimeiquest]

Do you want to take a half bead extra? I think you could smash one bead on something non-porous, slide it into a tiny container, add 5ml water, wait 30 min. and stir, then draw up 0.5 ml of solution, while stirring the solution, at five set times during the day. If you're out, you could draw up syringes to take with you. Then take your other intact beads as usual.

 

Can you tell I buy syringes in one hundred count packages . But I have lots more to go. YOU are almost done! I so admire your tenacity!

[mammaP]

That sounds like a plan Meime. I have some tiny syringes, I bought lots when I got liquid from the doctor.

I tried crushing a bead and taking a tiny bit of the powder but it was too much of a rush. Also tried crunching

one in my teeth then spitting it out to try and get a tiny bit but there is no consistency with that and it was still

too much at once, 3 beads isn't enough, and I think 4 might be a bit much now. 

I also think that it's becoming apparent that all beads are not equal so one dose may be higher than another. 

It didn't really matter before but I'm feeling things now that tell me I need consistency and smaller doses. 

I'll get there in the end, we all will! 

 

It will be easier when I have my fancy pill crusher . 

[Meimeiquest]

This is very unfair for the beads not to be equal!!!! I guess you could mash a whole capsule worth but it seems massive overkill. Maybe you could sort them by sizes? I did that with Zyprexa fragments before I found this site, but they were much bigger than beads.

[mammaP]

The difference is barely visible, they are so tiny there are 400 of them in 75mg.  I have tried to think of ways to 

sort the sizes by stitching holes with my sewing machine using different size needles but that would be very fiddly!

 

Maybe a good magnifying glass would help!  

[mattinsmom]

Wishing you a great trip. 

[btdt]

If the Effexor XR beads are too strong for you, you might want to try making liquid from regular Effexor.

 

Yes, the extended-release is in the coating on each bead.

Mamma I know what it is like to have a reaction to something a great amount of fear is left with trying it again.. that is what got me off effexor and into cold turkey. 

A long time ago I found a man who was a "pill" guy I can't think of his title but he did this sort of thing for a living and he answers questions online about such things... I am going to try to find him again as all the links to him have been deleted at another site.  If I can find him I will post the link here so you can ask him how to get off this small amount.  You would think there would be a non extended release form of the same drug there should be if there isn't nobody could ever taper off...light goes on maybe that is the reason... but I am not going there... not now. 

It maybe that at this point in you healing you would not react badly to the fast release pill as your lower... I do understand not wanted to try it and will try to find that mans link.  

Peace to you and I hope you have a wonderful visit. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

hope your trip is going well. We all miss you!

[wulfgar]

Maybe a crazy way is to create a paper slope and a jump at the bottom. Larger/heavier beads will jump further so create a box with two or more paper compartments that catches diferent sizes. Just a crazy idea. Might work.

[wulfgar]

It would occupy your mind for a spell, and you might get one or two laughs from trying...

[Altostrata]

Perhaps you can sort the beads into small, medium, and large and use the sizes to taper?

[mammaP]

Hi everyone. Things are going well here, very busy with the little grandsons who are delighted

that grandma is here to stay. I've seen a couple of ads for homes that might suit me, and 

tomorrow will be making some calls. It is very stressful, I want to get it right and my

biggest fear is not getting along with whoever I end up next to. I have trust issues and my 

ideal location is in the middle of nowhere with wildlife for company! One of them is almost 

there, or not there however you look at it  .  It is an apartment though and after my current

neighbours I am wary of living beneath someone else.  I will take a look and see what it is like

and maybe meet the neighbours. Tomorrow I start some viewings 

 

I will look at the suggestions for splitting beads or sorting sizes, I really do need to split them somehow.

4 is too much but 3 isn't enough. I am doing better with 4 than 3 for now so will stick with 4 while I am

here and hopefully work out a solution when I get home.  I like the idea of rolling them down Wulfgar's 

slope into boxes, that will keep me entertained a good while, I'll pretend they are skiing 

 

And now a conundrum.........my 5 year old grandson asked.....

 

Fire melts ice and and ice melts fire.......how can that be?  He thinks a lot about things does my grandson,

I told him to ask Mummy because mummy is clever  .

[btdt]

Good answer  

I wonder if screening with different size holes would work in sorting the beads?  Just a thought for you to ponder. Glad your enjoying your family.

[Narcissus]

 

my 

ideal location is in the middle of nowhere with wildlife for company!

 

Sounds lovely.

 

What a philosophical grandson you have!

[mattinsmom]

Just checking in on you. Glad to hear that things seem possible. Think positively, neighbors can be a good thing too.

Hats off to your grandson

Good luck in your search. Are you feeling better about the idea/decision to stay in that area?

[mammaP]

I hardly have time to check in with my little grandsons wanting grandma time!  I am going to look at a house on

Monday, and possibly one at the weekend. I feel better about the decision to move here, being with family 

is great and I don't want to go back to being isolated. I live in the middle of town but don't see many people or

get out anywhere very much because there are very few places to go. I have to move from my current home for

my own sanity! 

 

 

It is bedlam here at times, 3 year old and 5 year old plus 6 weeks old German shepherd puppy! Sharing a room 

with a 3 year old who is up at 5am and a puppy howling because it wants to play with said toddler!  I'm still not

sleeping well and feel exhausted but don't have time to think about it, just try and grab a nap when it's quiet  .

[Altostrata]

What an excellent idea, to move to be near your loving family.

[Rhiannon]

Oh, I'm glad to hear that you're going to be living closer to family. That sounds lovely (although maybe not in the same house with little kids!)

 

Makes sense to stick with the 4 beads for now until things are more settled. 

 

Always good to hear from you mammaP!

[Nikki]

Hi MamaP.....are you planning to move closer to your children and grandchildren?  That would be so nice to be closer to family.

 

Do you live far from them right now? It sounds like a very comforting thing to do.  Missed speaking with you.

 

I have been busy and involved in my own misery lately, so I thought I would take some time tonight to catch up

 

Lots of hugs

[mattinsmom]

Just a quick stop-by.

 

I am so happy that things with your family are going well. Kids and puppies will keep you busy and shower you with love. Soak in it. Remember to rest and care for you too. Good luck tomorrow (today?) with your house search

[Petunia]

Hoping the house hunting is going well, looking forward to reading about your adventures

[mammaP]

I went to see a gorgeous little cottage in s little village yesterday, it was lovely but there are other people keen on it too. I will get a call tomorrow to say yes or no. Not too far from big towns but far enough away for me. In beautiful English countryside.

Today went to see the bungalow in town. Not me at all , very cramped and very narrow roads with lots of houses packed together like boxes.

Too claustrophobic for me and would drive me mad!

 

I have family here and family in Scotland, the grandkids where I live in Scotland are all grown up now and would be able to come on their own to stay. Youngest is 14 . I've seen them grow up and had an active role caring for them , it will be good to feel useful again and see these 2 little monkeys grow up.

 

There is no Internet connection here I'm using my phone and the signal is rubbish so will update when Internet is fixed .

[bubble]

cottage in the English countryside... mmmmmm 

 

will you receive visitors?

 

just joking. but happy you have the stamina for this big project!

[btdt]

I hope you get the place you want it sound wonderful I am glad to you have the resources to do this peace and fun to you time you won I would say.

[mammaP]

I'm waiting for the phone call that tells me whether I've been successful with the cottage. 

I hate waiting and am wandering round like a cat on a hot tin roof!   If it's a no it isn't the end of the world 

and will just keep looking.  Right now though I need to get home and get some sleep! Not even getting my

2 hours here, just brief naps. Little ones are up at 5am and proper little live wires. That is when I get my best

bit of sleep so am feeling it now    

[mammaP]

Eventually I had the call I was waiting for and I got the cottage       

 

Now it will be a whirl of legal stuff, packing and arranging, hope I can keep going! 

A new start where no-one knows about my so called mental illness. And I've been looking at 

NHS , in England I can choose a hospital to go to for my bones, so things are looking up

at last. It will be hard to leave my family there behind but will be back regularly for visits 

and they can come and stay. All I need now is sleep! 

[btdt]

So happy for your new start hope you sleep  

[Altostrata]

So happy for you, mammaP.

[mammaP]

I sign up for the house tomorrow and now I am very nervous and want to hole up in my cocoon!

I am exhausted, it's been a whirl of activity here with 2 very boisterous toddlers and hyperactive puppy.

Very little sleep, even less than my 'normal'  2 or 3 hours and it's showing.  Back home on Sunday to

start packing up. Thankfully I have lots of people to help and the boys will be moving me. I couldn't do 

it otherwise, haulage would have been out of the question it is way too much ££££ for me! 

 

I hope I can get some sleep back at home, I don't think I will be able to function enough to get through such

a huge thing with the insomnia!  For the first time in many years I actually fleetingly considered a benzo

to take if I got so tired I couldn't do it.

 

 My daughter says I over think everything and she is right, I've always been like that, even as a child. I remember 

once standing at the garden gate watching the bin men emptying the dustbins. I wondered what they did with it

all and imagined the earth being filled with everyone's rubbish, all the mountains were gone and the valleys just

got filled up with rubbish. Then I saw smoke coming from a little 'chimney' and thought it will be ok because they

burnt it in the truck   I laugh now at the thought of incinerating waste in a truck  . 

 

That is me, something can be blown out of proportion by my thinking too much about things so I have to stop it.

The decision is made and after tomorrow no going back, only forward  .

[bubble]

yesssss: only forward

 

you've made it! again

[Wolfhound]

So happy for you, mammap. You are my model.

[mammaP]

Home again, it is so quiet after the hustle and bustle of being with family. Toddlers and a puppy 

that were all very excitable wore me out! Wouldn't have missed it for the world though, they are all 

adorable.  The puppy chewed the cable for my laptop and it wasn't working, which is why I wasn't 

about much. Came home and got my tool kit out, fixed and taped the wires and changed the fuse,

all better now  .

 

I signed up for the new house and now have to start packing. It's going to be a bit difficult to decide

what to let go and what to keep. Thankfully I already started decluttering a while ago so have already

let quite a lot of stuff go. 

 

Feeling a bit overwhelmed now there is so much to do and organise  !

[bubble]

admire you totally! moving is such a huge challenge. Just keep reminding yourself you have embarked on a very big project and give yourself a lot of credit for it instead of feeling frustrated by small mishaps.

 

I have no doubt you do it just wish you treat yourself gently in the process

[Wolfhound]

I missed you so much.

I am happy about your new life challenges. I hope everything will go smoothly if it is possible in the case of moving....

I admire your strength. You are my inspiration so far....

Hugs

w.

[mammaP]

Aww thank you Wolfhound and Bubble.  I am in a bit of a panic this morning, there is

so much to organise. It's the phone stuff that is stressing me, I hate the phone. I don't hear very well,

or rather, don't get what is said. I can hear the voice ok but it's like they are speaking a foreign language

and can't make sense of it  . I have to sort out all the utilities and my benefits and allowances. It's a

minefield and I need a secretary! Once all that is done and it's just the physical stuff like packing I'll be fine.

There are lots of helpers just waiting to come and lend a hand. If only they could do the other stuff for me

it would be great. 

 

I'd better get a wiggle on and get started, I gave myself an hour on here while the phones are charging, they

all died while I was away  ! 

Here goes.....deep breath and jump right in.......

[Nikki]

You are very brave.  It takes guts to move.  I have been thinking about selling my home and downsizing a bit, but I haven't got it in me to do it yet.

 

this will be so good for you to be closer to your family:)

[btdt]

I have a trick for the phone... 

I had to use it many times to save my sanity had that receptive language issue too. 

I script what I need to say and get all the ducks in a row before I call write it all out... 

make the calls when I know darn well they are closed... tell them what I need. 

 

And wait. 

If I have time and you may not I let them leave me a message... and get back to them after I have thought about the answer 

because I don't always think well on my feet or can't get in my head what they are saying... have the same issue with reading

sometimes.  

Comes back on me if I take a drug... even some antibiotics or have a crisis like a car accident for example. 

 

I don't know if you have the time to do this but it may be something for later use. 

 

I am glad you doing what you want with your living arrangements exercising personal power is an important part of healing I bet carry on.