ikam Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 This is what I have recently realised...I think I have learnt to respond in a type of "automatic way" and interpretation. I learnt this at my family home, as my mother was always panicking... Today morning I managed to transform my primary interpretation and get on with the day... It is not easy for me to channel this energy , but I am trying... I have also noticed that when I need to be more pro-active this anxiety seems stronger...but then I need to get on with my day, distract myself and as if forget about the anxiety... I am so pleased that I had a good day today, despite of my morning anxiety... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
freespirit Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Sometimes it can helpful to reframe the anxiety, by calling it something different. Like it's "anticipation" or "a desire to achieve something", or "a need to move my body". Being restless used to lead me to ruminate, which led to me search for what was wrong in my life..and it's always possible to find something and dwell on it. The more I don't give into that pathway, the more I can feel free. I know it's important not to run away from emotion...but a lot of times, I have found getting up and doing anything leads me away from the normal thinking patterns..and it builds a confidence that I don't have to be a victim to old thought patterns. It's great that you were able to find a way to work with what you were sensing in your body..and do something different than you might normally have done. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
ikam Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 It is so good to find that somebody shares my experience. I was a bit confused with this. But you stated exactly what I feel. I used to assume that this "energy" in my body meant anxiety... As you said "The more I don't give into that pathway, the more I can feel free. I know it's important not to run away from emotion...but a lot of times, I have found getting up and doing anything leads me away from the normal thinking patterns..and it builds a confidence that I don't have to be a victim to old thought patterns." I have always been tuned to my feelings, so often cannot even name them...So I don't think I am running away from them, but as it seems I change their direction...Sometimes it is possible, sometimes not...but at least it seems more flexible... I don't want to say that I don't feel anxiety, I do...but as you said finding different descriptions helps, like "anticipation", "apprehension", "desire to do something"... It is different when I feel "panic", "fear", "anxiety" and take extra medication to damp this feeling (I used to take lots of benzos, codeine or extra doxepin) than reassure myself that this is a temporary and normal body response and get up and do something... Again, it is not easy for me, as I learnt to respond with "panic" and then "panicking" over this "panic"... In my view words/names/descriptions are very powerful and we feel "what we name" or "how we name things" and believe that they are happening... What feels like anxiety is "just" a natural body "movement"...although it feels dreadful and terifing... I also think that people with ptsd (I consider myself as having this) have learnt in their life "alert" response...their autonomic nervous system is easily triggered to "fight-flight"...as for me I was always in a "catastrophy mode"... I remember in my past, I used to respond with panic to dust when I was cleaning my house...the dust was everywhere and I was unable to completely remove it...I was also unsettled when clothes in my wardrobe were not in a complete order... WD increased this response... Unfortunately, like last week, I responded again with "automatic" reaction and taking extra doxepin...I think it increased symptoms of WD- as last couple of mornings I had more paraesthesia... I am trying to re-learn and find some different meaning to my body signals... I am trying not to panic over my body symptoms. Before with any pain, discomfort I would run to see a doctor, even paid for visits and assessments...I got more medication, but my body responded with extra symptoms... Now, I have had some pains, which I cannot explain and I try to "stay with them" and observe rather that attach to them and respond with meds... It is not easy, as my all conditioning learnt from my mother and father was to fix myself and be scared... I am 55, I often worry that I "destroyed" my body and that I will die soon... Especially now I need to reframe myself, as I am moving house, moving job, starting some new job contract, finishing old one... (as I mentioned in my previous posts, I had to talk to my bank, I am glad I eventually went...I spend over 1 hour with the banker analysing my financial situation. He suggested increase in overdraft, which will help me to bridge the gap in my earnings and move house) - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted June 21, 2015 Member Share Posted June 21, 2015 All of the above and in addition, the habit of using a pill in reaction to a 'situation' (or 'feeling' if you will) is very strongly ingrained. Takes a lot of willpower to walk yourself through the minefield and come out the other side med free but it is worth it. The more I do it, the more I find out what I am really feeling....... and it is not always what I thought it was. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
ikam Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Thank you for your input. Yes, this automatic response to take a pill as a response to the situation is so ingrained that often not completely conscious...so often I just "don't notice" the moment of taking the pill...then see what happened afterwards... Recently, I have had more cravings, as there are more emotions, especially feeling uncertain about my "new life"...I always dealt with any changes through taking some pills... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
freespirit Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I think it's courageous to make efforts to step out of these patterns. The learning comes not only from family, but also from the culture. Just watch tv or pick up a magazine...see the ads that tell us that this or that thing (drugs and other stuff) will make us happy, take away our suffering. I remember an ad from many years ago from a billboard. There was a photo of an empty parking spot between 2 vehicles. The caption read, "fill the empty space in your life...get a car loan". We are taught to do anything to avoid our discomfort...and that something outside will make us feel better. I too, have always been attuned to feelings....but lost the ability to a large degree while on AD. I have had PTSD from childhood trauma, so understand well what it's like to live in that soup of chemicals. It's not easy making different choices in the midst of all of that...but it is possible. You're doing it, even while going through additional stresses in your life. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
ikam Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 FreeSpirit, thank you. Yes, I am doing this despite of major stresses in my life...at least trying my best... Childhood trauma sets the Autonomous Nervous system onto more-less constant alert and tunes people to recognise the danger, even if non-existent... It is still so shocking for me that I was in such a denial when it comes to meds. I was CONVINCED they were harm-less...I was even thinking that I will stay on some dose of them for the rest of my life to calm my fight-flight response. I was convinced I was calmer...then I was adding more and more meds... I am trying to learn that the emotions are needed and can be channelled...like i said about anxiety and excitement... I am also shocked as I meet many people who are on some sort of meds and they are convinced that they are helpful... I feel powerless... I can only make one person drug free at present- this is me... It is good to see that people recover...I read recently about neuroplasticity of the brain and I believe this is what is happening... I met recently somebody who had a major epileptic attack at the age of around 50. It was only one off...They did not find any changes in his brain...the doctor said that most likely his system was overloaded and the seizure was as if "resetting" his brain. He said that after this experience he has been much calmer... This made me thinking- we know so little about our brain... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Just wanted to say hello and send good thoughts to you xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
ikam Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Just wanted to say hello and send good thoughts to you xx Thank you :)HELLO - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 It seems I have typical windows and waves...this has been really confusing, as I feel sometimes like my "usual self" or even a bit better, and then I am hit by the low, which does not depend on any trigger... I read today Horns85 Lexapro Withdrawal thread and have managed to recognise my process... It sounds like my process...feeling good, and then feeling that I cannot cope anymore...and then good... I cannot predict what and when... I usually sleep well, calm...then I am woken up by something what feels like intense fear...and then get up and feel all right...drive to work, and still feel ok... Then suddenly hit by the wave, usually by the noise that seems more noisy than usual... This fear is not real fear...I even checked my pulse today morning and it was 72...too little for fear... And there are these "great-times", feeling as my usual self... Then, hit again... Sometimes it feels as if these two people in my had no connection... Additionally, I have had so many changes to deal with... Often I take a decision based on "wave-feelings", e.g. avoid going to work...and this is "wrong decision"... I need to work harder on staying with my primary plans despite of the feelings... Sometimes, as it seems, the window comes quicker if I don't attend to the wave too much... As the stress level raises, my symptoms seem to be more pronounced...and I don't know what to do with this...I cannot avoid this stress...I took one week of work, but have to get back to work this week... I have to organise everything for moving house... I had more paraesthesia type feelings in the morning, it felt like fear, but it was not fear... What I want to hide away from all this, hibernate and wake up when everything is done... Every time I postpone something, it only gets worse as there are other things demanding attention... I am so worried that I will not be able to be effective enough... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 My emotions confuse me so much...if they respond to a simple "distraction" are they so strong as I "think" they are? If they get connected to such simple things as noise and "make" it louder, are they maybe stronger than I think? If I respond with the panic is there any "panicky" trigger, or only my emotions are "too strong"? Is my panic/fear/anxiety just a normal response, or is it magnified by my interpretation? CONFUSED... If I think that I will break down, will I break down? If I think I will not cope, will I? Or are all the above, and even more, just "learned" responses, something that my mother imprinted me with for life? I am scared of the changes and the responsibilities I will face in the next month. I cannot use my usual "strategies" (codeine, benzo, etc.). I need to go through them "naked"... Will I survive? Sometimes I just want to die... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
freespirit Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Ikam, In spite of the confusion, I hope you can see how significant it is that you are observing many of these aspects..and not being as lost in them as you might have been at one time. I think this is huge. We can't change anything that we are unaware of. And the fact you're having these insights while under stress is even bigger. Do you have any ways of self-soothing? I think this is one of the most important aspects of PTSD and also, of WD. It helps to have alternatives to turn to, when the nervous system is bouncing around. It is very challenging to go through the rawness of emotion, without other drugs or alcohol. But the more we can do it, the less fear we have about facing what comes up. In some moments though, distraction is a very necessary and even better way of coping. I'm going to pose something about your question of survival/feeling sometimes you want to die. This may mean nothing to you, and feel free to disregard it. But sometimes, what we interpret as wanting to die is in fact, something in us that needs to die...such as an old view of ourselves, an old way of being. Something has to be let go of (die), in order for our new self to emerge. We die to an old way of life and being, so that something else can be born. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
ikam Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 FreeSpirit, thank you. It seems I am more confused than I think... I like your analogy about "old self" dying and new one emerging...For me this is some time "in-between" and it has not been easy... Definitely, my attitude/ beliefs about using medication and trusting doctors has been changing. But this means my core beliefs are changing, as the medical attitude was deeply rooted in my family (the father was a doctor, the mother was trying to "fix me" with meds, she used to be so impatient and I was constantly getting ill...)... I felt yesterday a bit depersonalised, as so much has been changing... + the changes in my life: leaving this flat, moving to another one, changing job, another job contract... I was off work for one week- this was so good. But I have to drive and work tomorrow... I woke up with the panic today morning, to the extent I felt like vomiting... I feel exhausted now...worried how will I cope? I don't have many self soothing strategies. One of them is TV in my native language. It really calms me down. When I listen to the English channels I need to concentrate more... I like driving...I like warm baths and music... I may get back to my usual meditation before going to sleep...I used to listen to it every day... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 I wanted to say, I am LESS confused, not more confused... Today I am feeling really tired...got up around 6am (did not want to; wanted to stop working...)...then the drive, all day at work and drive...Have not done 150miles for ten days. My body aches all over... Exhausted... Will go to sleep really early today... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I accidentally decreased doxepin at least two weeks ago. I have not had any WD symptoms from it. I actually feel less tired in the morning and my brain fog has been better... I was on 75mg in evening, I am now on 50mg in evening... Is it possible that some meds may cause less WD than other ones? I have been on doxepin on and off and also on other tricyclic meds since 1983... Is this possible that I am somehow more used to decreasing them? So I respond less intense? - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 I wrote about this on doxepin thread as well... Thank you Alto for answering ("Yes, it is possible that you will not get withdrawal symptoms from that decrease. This cannot be predicted, which is why we recommend a more cautious taper") I am ok and I would like to stay on 50mg...the only problem I see relates to my tendency to abuse this drug and use it in higher doses to numb my feelings (up to 250mg)... I hope I will manage this urge...I had it today morning...as I am so tired of my present reality (lots of internal conflict related to jobs, worrying about flat move, having nobody to talk to...)... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
AliG Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Hi Ikam, just offering support. I get your "pain". I also have it. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
ikam Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Thank you ((((((((((((((AliG))))))))))))))))) It has been a good day for me... I hardly get any paraesthesia now... I put on weight a lot- is this related in any way to Lexapro or WD? - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 I am not happy with myself today, took 75mg of doxepin to cut off my feelings... feeling drowsy now, difficulty thinking... I woke up with the feeling that I will not manage...and then it was followed with anxiety...then talking 25mg, and later another 50mg... The only way for not taking doxepin is to destroy it...this is how I deal with codeine, I just don't have it at home...but I cannot just stop doxepin... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted June 29, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 29, 2015 I'm sorry you had a bad day ikam, I hope today is better. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
ikam Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Thank you Petunia. I am better today... I have noticed that the statement "I will not manage" seems to be a kind of core belief...and it triggers feelings of helplessness, and then I try to stop them and drug myself...not so often now, but still it happened yesterday... Moving house, changing jobs makes me feeling insecure. I don't know if I am doing the right thing. Also I am with all this completely on my own...I organised almost everything... So I AM MANAGING...but still every morning I have this broken record that "I will not manage"... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 There is NO QUESTION if I am managing. I AM MANAGING - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 My therapist gave me some "lesson" a while ago, that when we try to deal with powerful family scripts (like mine that "I will not manage"), and when we are winning, getting better, the other part in starts with the backlash...It is because it does not give up easily. So the fight starts... It tends to start with me in the early hours in the morning, the script is there "you will not manage" and the examples follow, "even if you will manage with the house move...you will not manage well enough as you have to deal with everything in English (writing reports, letters, etc) and you are in WD now...it will not be manageable"... I woke up with terror today morning, but recognised that it was "just a backlash"... In CBT they say that when we try to shift our thinking, the anxiety increases, as we are not so familiar with the new one... The most difficult to shift are core beliefs- the one I try to deal with at present... This is the belief that is in the roots (I think) of me trying to drug myself... So today I am really worried that I will not manage with writing reports and letters...it would be much easier in my native language... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 better... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Since decreasing doxepin to 50mg I have been feeling more awake and have had less problems with concentration... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
AliG Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Hey Ikam, hope you're doing better. You will "get there". I too understand, "the family stuff'. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
ikam Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I cannot wait for a better time to start my further escitalopram tapering. I want this drug out of my body! But need to settle a bit in my life first. I have noticed that I get the strange body sensation, type of burning sensation, instead of emotion. Normally I would feel a bit anxious in the morning...I feel no anxiety but my body still "produces" some sensations instead... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Exhausted today... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I had a very stressful day yesterday...Also my stress level is raising as I am moving house this weekend. Also had to put my resignation from my present job... So I felt lots of tingling sensation last night on my scalp...I recognised that it was a mixture of stress and WD and tried to "just observe" what was happening... I have been very tired today, but ok... Tomorrow- another difficult day... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
LexAnger Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 So you are having the needling back too even without cutting lex. This thing is so mysterious comes and goes, hard to figure what is the cause. I thought mine was from dose reduction, now wondering if it was also from stress. Hope the move smooth and the new place provides you with better surroundings for your well being and healing. Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
ikam Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 I think I respond to stress differently now...it adds and overwhelms whole system much quicker... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
AliG Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I agree with F.S. We die to an old way of life and being, so that "something else " can be born. I think we respond to stress differently, because of "the drugs " , which raises "cortisol". Also, "fight and flight" , which comes with "abuse", makes us feel constantly like we're on "high alert". That doesn't help. I hope your symptoms lessen , soon. Hugs. Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
ikam Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Moving house today. The flat is much smaller than this one... Woke up very anxious around 4.40am, racing thoughts, anxiety...that I will not manage... I always manage... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Marta Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Hi Ikam I was reading your story (escitalopram for me too).... can I ask you more about a thing? About the "I can't bear it anymore/I can bear it" moments...how long are the "I can't" and "I can" phases? Because, for me, the morning is always the worst part..."I can'l live another day with this fear/anxiety/pain", then during the day I have a littlle bit of relief from this thoughts and in the evening I feel better than the whole day, yes if I concentrate on myself I feel bad sensations are still here but I can distract myself better.... is the same for you? Cheers!!! 06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (for somatic abdominal pain + reflux) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg, fatigue -> abdominal pain gone 02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg doctor advised 05/05/2015 huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat, mild akathisia legs-feet 30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here) middle 07/2015 general improving 10/2015 start disastrous too long taper 7mg 11/2015 6mg 12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg 2/2016 4mg 3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg .... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg (short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable 8/2019 1mg 1/2020 0.6 mg 1/APRIL/2020 0mg FREE! 7/2020 - 10/2020 MILD WAVE(mostly anxiety, poor sleep) 6/2021 - 9/2021 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, anhedonia) 0.125g triazolam 2 times 18/03/2022 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, PAIN in muscles and nerves, arms and right leg,cannot exercise,hard to walk) 0.125g triazolam 3 times 7/5 rein 0.1mg Link to comment
freespirit Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Wishing you well with your move Ikam. You're proving to yourself you can manage, even under high stress situations. Do your best to be kind to yourself, as you make this adjustment. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
AliG Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Good luck with the move , Ikam. I hope it works out . Thinking of you. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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