Freedom15: reinstated amitriptyline after CT by doctor

[Freedom15]

Hi Najla,

 

Sorry to hear you have so many symtoms to deal with since getting off the medication.

 

I think because i was not properly tapered in the first place and just stoppedand then moved to another medication for short period which was what first started me off. I truly believe if i had been tapered properly i may have not been so ill.

 

I know people who have come off amitriptyline with no withdrael at all so it must be by a case by case situation and i am super sensative to anything i put into my body.

 

Even tho i have been reducing since 2014 that is also time my body has had to take on some healing as well. So hopefully once i am off i will just continue that on still.

 

It is vary tuff and i still am left with daily symptoms but nothing like i was back in 2014.

 

Time is great healer and also we have to be good to oursleves physically, mental/emotional and spiritually.

 

I will add you to my prayers and hope you feel some restbyte from the place you are at right now.

 

 

[Najla]

ساعتين قبل ذلك، قالت الحرية 15:

مرحبا نجلا،

 

آسف لسماع أن لديك الكثير من الأعراض للتعامل معها منذ التخلص من الدواء.

 

أعتقد لأنني لم أكن مدببا بشكل صحيح في المقام الأول وتوقفت للتو ثم انتقلت إلى دواء آخر لفترة قصيرة وهو ما بدأني لأول مرة. أعتقد حقا أنه لو كنت مدبب بشكل صحيح ربما لم أكن مريضا جدا.

 

أعرف أشخاصا خرجوا من أميتريبتيلين بدون أي عجل على الإطلاق، لذلك يجب أن يكون ذلك من خلال حالة على حدة وأنا متحمس للغاية لأي شيء أضعه في جسدي.

 

على الرغم من أنني كنت أخفض منذ عام 2014، فقد حان الوقت أيضا لأن يأخذ جسدي بعض الشفاء أيضا. لذا آمل أنه بمجرد أن أخرج، سأستمر في ذلك.

 

إنه يختلف عن ذلك وما زلت أعاني من أعراض يومية ولكن لا شيء كما كنت في عام 2014.

 

الوقت معالج رائع وأيضا علينا أن نكون جيدين لذوياتنا جسديا وعقليا/عاطفيا وروحيا.

 

سأضيفك إلى صلاتي وآمل أن تشعر ببعض الراحة من المكان الذي أنت فيه الآن.

 

 

Thank you for your reply, Free Dome. Do you do any psychological exercises such as breathing deeply because I read that it restores the balance of the body and oxygen supports the mind? I also practiced meditation in the past period when the weather was beautiful, so I was sitting quietly in my garden and meditating on my trees that I planted and I discovered a nightingale bird that built a nest And he gave birth to his children, now the weather has become very hot, it is impossible for me to sit in my garden, anyway, I do not want to forget to tell you that I admire your patience and your slow pace, you are on the right path, I send you my wishes and prayers🙏🏻🙏🏻

[Freedom15]

Holding for week or to..

 

Withdrawl has been getting to me and feeling bit run down.

 

Will be ok just know i need to rest for bit.

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

Courage! You will get there.

[Freedom15]

Feeling the benefits of holding for this month and taking this time to have break.

 

We do a further reduction by end of this month.

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Next reduction will be

 

0.2ml in syringe then taken to 6.4ml with water.

Mixed in syringe then taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

 

Small amount taken every night at 5pm.

 

[Freedom15]

Just had ruff 2 days..

 

Been pacing the streets with suicidal ideation.

 

Its always the way when the waves peak before dropping back to some stability.

 

Will enjoy today as i feel alot better than i have been over the past month since the reduction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jennings]

Insanely strong human being right here.

 

I am in awe.

 

 

[Freedom15]

I think i made it through the worst of the last reduction but i am still feeling battered physically, metally and spiritually.

 

With this last reduction i don't know if it's because i am getting less of the drugs and more of starting to see myself that the reduction and withdrawl was really difficult.

 

I just feel so drained and tired and everything is aching.

 

Speaking to the doctor today as monthly check up.

 

I'm thinking when i drop of the meds fully i will need some kinda 24hr care as i don't think it's going to be easy even with being on this super low dose but not sure how i will get that yet as live on my own.

 

The drug detox units here don't deal with getting people off these nasty drugs which is shame.

 

Also my perception to my Tinntus is getting worse which is hard as it is driving me mental at times.

 

Will stay as positive as i can in all of this and be grateful of where i have managed to get to so far over the years. 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Just when think i was ok and stable hit with waves again.

 

On positive i found a mental health crisis hub in town which i went to last night and spoke to them about my situation and they have said they are happy to support me when i am unstable and instead walking streets feeling suicidle i can go into the hub and get some support.

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

@Freedom15, glad you found this hub! Looks like a safer environment to deal and talk about the issues you're dealing with.

[Freedom15]

Went to the mental health hub last nigth which was good. Better than sitting in my own head with all the withdrawl issues.

 

Holding with no reductions as unstable again.

 

Just doing what ever i have to do to get through this now.

 

Nothing like 2014 but getting harder roight now.

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Getting more stable..

 

Still holding

[Freedom15]

I feel like i have been struggling alot more in this last reduction.

 

I have had moments periods of stability over the last 2 months but i find myself coming and going alot.

 

I am not sure if hold further or to reduce because i don't know if its my body is unstable or its recovered as much as it can with this last reduction.

 

All i know is its just so hard sometimes to stay focused and psoitive when i feel ill alot time in one form or another.

 

Still holding hopefully i will know whats right to do going forwards.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Bit wave again today.

 

It takes while to realise why feeling totally unsettled and ill.

 

Hopefully will calm down over next day or 2.

 

Will hold till feelin gmore stable.

 

No point reducing again on unstableness.

 

Just was feeling bit battered by symptoms agin.

[Freedom15]

Feels like i am starting to hit a better window as its been few days of feeling like i can get up and know how i will feel for the day instead of just being in withdrawl..

 

Was the right thing to do to hold for bit after last reduction.

 

Think also because i lost my meds and had get a fresh batch made up i prob did like double reduction as each batch is not always the same altho its made the same.

 

Will use this time to have bit life time and prepare for the next reduction.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Preparing for next reduction which will be..

 

0.2ml in syringe then taken to 6.4ml with water.

Mixed in syringe then taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

 

Small amount taken every night at 5pm.

 

Will be doing it by end next week.

 

Also have started taking b complex vitamins and D3 and drinking more water which seem to be helping a bit.

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Started to feel really ruff in my reduction again.

 

First week was ok just physcial stuff.

 

Been really dizzy and feeling sick with shacking today.

 

Hoping a nights sleep will help.

[Freedom15]

Seems like i am getting the mental stuff now from reduction.

 

Hopefully it will calm down over next day or 2 and i will get window for a little bit.

 

 

 

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

Just the fact that you can anticipate things will calm down in one day or tow shows that your symptoms are getting more predictable, there is a recognisable pattern at work, you have hope and you are in control to an extent. All those things are proofs of progress. That's great news!

[Freedom15]

Bad wave and symptoms ended up in the mental health crisis hub in town for hour and had talk to one workers there.

 

Suicidal ideation. Hallucinations. tremours amounst other things.

 

Today has been slightly better.

 

 

[Freedom15]

I am going hold over chrstmas which will be around 3 months since last reduction.

 

Then i am going to do a double drop.

 

This is in preperation to seeing how i would cope with fully stopping the meds.

 

The last reduction was hard even at such low dose. It seems the lower i have got the more aware i am about what is happening at different stages where as

before it was just a massive blend of being Meds effects, side effects and withdrawl effects.

 

It's been such long time now since 2014 reducing and i still find it hard to let go of the inital reduction and the choas in 2014 that happened and this worrys me with the final

reduction what will happen still..

 

Maybe i will be better equiped as i have more awareness than before.

 

I just hard to imagine the final time when i am off as the normal since 2014 as not been great.

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Will be reducing again in the new year have held for 3 months.

 

This time i will be reducing by double what i normally do because i need to see how it will affect me.

 

I am trying to build up the courage to finally stop this stuff after such a long taper and being on such low dose now.

 

I just find it hard to disconnect from the trauma of the original cold turkey and the last ten years of tapering

 

And even with such lowness now the reductions are still not easy at all..

 

I will update once i start the actual reduction. Prob Jan 1st or 2nd i would think.

 

0.2ml in syringe then taken to 6.4ml with water.

Mixed in syringe then taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Meds reduction again tomorrow.

 

Not really looking forwards to the process altho i am greatful to slowly get down on this stuff.

 

 

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

How are you doing since your last reduction?

[Freedom15]

Mostly physical with a small amount of mental/emotional waves at moment.

 

Normally the mental/emotional stuff builds up over 1/2 months if it is the same pattern.

 

Hows your taper going ?

 

[SurreyGuy]

My taper is going very *slowy*. 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Yep my experiance has been the same Taper " Slowly"

 

Hope you are doin gthe best you can within it all tho..

[Freedom15]

So today i had my 6 weekly update with my doctor which didn't go so well.

 

Basically the doctor told me that they could no longer book repeat appointments to speak to me i would have call up and make appointments as hen i needed them.

 

That she doe not have 15-20 min every 6 weeks to talk to me as she has other patients to deal with.

 

That shes not a counciller and feels i am just going on about same things all time.

 

She said it was bascilly because of the goverment and also what the practise was telling her and they are under massive pressure and i should contact MP is i was not happy.

 

And also i was refusing to go to mental health team for help.

 

Not what i was exspecting to be honest..

 

Not sure what to do.

 

Maybe i will need to try see if one other doctors i was originally with in the same practise is more compationate about the medication reduction situation and the effects its having on me and my life still.

 

Will sleep on it and see what i feel in the morning.

 

I did advise her that i never refused to see mental health team that there was no point going to the mental health team becasue i did not want further meds and the mental health team would just send me back to doctors saying its there resposability to support people to get off meds.

 

The doctor even admitted there was no service to help..

 

Just feeling a bit worried about this going forwards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Had speak to crisis team this week.

 

Also decoded i am going to book an appointment with another doctoer to see if they are more sympothtic with the situation and take someone with me also.

 

Reduction is up and down at momment.

 

Alot lot physical stuff with soem mental stuff starting.

 

Have been going stable in about 3 months so as this is week 2 i got about 10 weeks to go so at lest i can remeber that when i am in wave and feel likei will aways be ill.

[Freedom15]

Had a couple of windows not for vary long..

 

Sleep seems to be getting better.

 

Had really bad stomach bug which was ended up in 24hrs of both ends..

 

Even ended up with bad dyhdration as well to point where i could not move my muscles because cramping.

 

My heart was doing weird palpatations and stuff and i was feeling like going to faint when out. 

 

Seems to have calmed down now.

 

Think i am about 3 weeks into the reduction now.

 

Considering it was double i normally do it seems to be going well.

 

Defornatly in the mindset and starting the process of getting to the final off the meds this year i am feeling.

 

Its been a long journey and time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

Way to go @Freedom15!

[Freedom15]

vary ruff day today..

 

It always gets me.

 

Thank its easy then dam.

 

Hopefully this is the top of the wave and i will settle down again for a bit.

 

Been about six weeks in now from last reduction.

 

Still about 6 weeks till stabilise with previous rduction patterns.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

realised i am feeling vary run down and tired now..

 

The peak of wave is going and i am starting to feel slightly better.

 

Still just feeling vary tired.

 

Need to allow myself to just heal at times and not be so hard on myself.

 

Wanting to write music but finding it hard to find the motivation.

 

Sure it will come back at some point soon.

 

Just wanting to sit and do nothing..

[Freedom15]

Starting to get small windows form last reduction.

 

Altho still getting waves alot.

 

Had ears microsuctioned out and unfortunatly it's made my tinnitus worse so this is testing me.

 

Whole reason i was put on amatriptaline was because of head pains i was getting after getting tinitus in 2013.

 

I think i got another 5 weeks till next reduction.

 

So holding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

been quite up and down.

 

it's such a dance with the holding and reduction symptoms.

 

Still 4 weeks till what i would normally consider to be stable.

 

Will access from that how reduce further.

 

Such a tiring game of cat and mouse at times.