LoveandLight Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 So sorry Ali..you are very strong xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 It's 5.15 am here. I've been up all night again. This on top of depression is too much to handle. I don't know how much longer I can go with no sleep. When I feel too much pain to bear, I seek solace in rest / sleep. It is the only thing that 'reboots' my inner computer to allow me to function. I have manic / sleep deprived phases as you do / are having right now. I believe that it is PTSD, trauma and withdrawal that causes me to resist sleep. Give in to the rest that you so badly need. It is waiting for you to give you a reprise / respite from the pain. Allow yourself to fall into it, Ali. I was so scared of sleep for so many years, Ali. Sleep is not our enemy. It is our friend. It recharges us and provides us with the energy to face another day. Give yourself the rest that your body and mind so badly needs, lovely. The hurt that often awaited us at bedtime is no longer present. We can rest with ease at bedtime now. Give yourself the permission to do this. Did you listen to the meditation I sent you yet? I discovered it recently, but now use this often to soothe me. Love and peace to you xxx 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
freespirit Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Ali, I'm sorry you're not able to sleep. You mentioned before that you liked Lee Holden's qi gong (I think?) I will often do the 7 minutes of magic one right before bed. Even though it's recommended not to do it so close to sleep, it seems to almost always work for me. Meditation of some form or another too..anything that can provide some rest and relaxation...even if you don't go to sleep. I have a list of things too, if you'd like them. Some are free on the web, but will wait to see if that's something you'd like to try. I have a pretty large assortment of different ones, so I can use whatever grabs me in the moment. Sending (((((hugs)))))) and peaceful, sleepy energy your way. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
pug Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Ali, I am sorry you are suffering and hurting, I wish that I could help in some way to ease your burden and provide comfort. Just know that I and so many here are sending our love and healing thoughts to you, and hope for relief to come your way soon. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Thinking of you. Tilly x Desiderata Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. © Max Ehrmann 1927 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
chia1214 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Ali wrote on Chia's thread: Hi Chia, So good to hear from you. Sounds like your slow taper is definitely working for you. I'm glad you're working out what you can handle . (or not !). I think this process helps us all to "listen to our bodies", and work within those parameters. I think a lot of us have been "comfortably numb", at times, with the medication. The challenge, I suppose is to move forward, in "total awareness", and to never go back to abdicating our health to anyone , but ourselves. We have to be our own " health advocates ". Keep up the "good fight " ! Ali. Hi Ali and thanks for visiting my thread. You keep on pressing on too. Sounds like you are doing that, from reading your thread. It's a delicate balance this figuring out how to manage a constantly fluctuating mind/brain. But it's encouraging to hear your story, honest and real. I'm up past my bedtime but wanted to respond to you. I know I'm only posting periodically now, but want to stay connected to my "mother ship" (SA) which got me started on this slow, safe journey out of a lifetime of meds. I'm sure if there were an award for the most boring poster, I would win it, but I do want to keep documenting my drops and relating my success with going very slow, a molasses and turtle pace. Hugs to you, comrade! -- Chia Read my intro here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7569-chia1214-tapering-lamotrigine-maybe-clonazapam-later/#entry110043 1975 Hospitalized and first exposure to psych. drugs age 13-15 Haldol, Tofranil, Cogentin, Thorazine. On and off numerous AD’s & AP’s no records until 2000 2000 Celexa, Clonazepam 1mg – never exceeded 1 mg except occasional emergency use 2004 Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Effexor, recall add-on trials of Lexapro, Prozac, Wellbutrin during this time also 2007 Lithium added, switch Effexor to Pristiq, still on Lamictal (Lamotrigine) Clonazepam. Some cold turkey quits of everything over the years. No knowledge of WD 2011 Lithuim Gabapentin Lunestra, Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam 2012 Taken off all but Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam, began Zyprexa 2013 Abilify replaced Zyprexa (high lipids) added Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall 2014 Discontinued Abilify, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall, added Latuda, Quetiapine, then stopped those. December 2014 Found SA Began slow taper of the only remaining two drugs I'm taking Clonazepam 0 mg Benzo free as of May 30, 2017 Lamotrigine 0 mg as of Jan 7, 2018 Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Thank you all. Update : I'm ultimately feeling more positive and less fatigue. Less dizzy. Positives : Sleeping better . As a result of that - more energy ! Therefore going to the gym again which helps mood considerably. Unfortunately though I'm worried about my son . I can't contact him . My ex- husband thinks he is depressed and wants to put him on antidepressant drugs . Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
divalee Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 AliG - I am with you all the way - sending you all the courage, support and hope through the skies til it gets to you. We will do this together - all of us - and we will make it.....just you wait and see. There'll be blue birds over The White Cliffs of Dover Tomorrow - just you wait and see love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Thanks Lee !! For the support !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm still so worried about my son. I'm not quite sure what to do . He is not answering his phone or texts. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 So sad & I know what is in front of me . A "battle " !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Thank you all , for the support ! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 You ok 'ali' ? Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Struggling tonight ! thanks. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 All waves no windows ? Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
direstraits Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm in an awful place,too,Ali...so sorry...let's hang on together.(((Ali))) went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Yep. Lots of waves ! Thank you for checking in. I appreciate it. Love Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Sweet Ali, This happens to me all the time. An outside stressor hits and we fall into a wave. Earlier in withdrawal, when the stressor hit, it used to stick with me for a few days. Gradually, I noticed when something amped me up, I could push the stressor out of my mind in a few hours and the wave would subside in half a day. You will get back on track. Just have a conversation with your son about the living hell you are in because of antidepressants and how, no matter what he is feeling now, it is nothing compared to the havoc these drugs can wreak on his brain. Be gentle with him. Reassure him. You know how important reassurance and validation are to someone in a state of depression. Just let your son know that throwing drugs at his depression will amplify it 100 X. Suggest alternatives to drug therapy, like talking to a psychologist, talking to you, talking to his dad. You don't need to worry. You will sit down with your son and give it your best shot. The rest is up to him. I'm praying for both of you, Ali. This is probably the reason you are on this journey. To save your son. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Thanks Pug. You always make me feel better. A huge thank you . We never stop worrying about our kids and I think there's some guilt thrown in that we weren't better parents. I was a good mum but I could have been better if not for the drugs & depression . Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 It's okay, Ali. Eventually, you'll forgive yourself for your "perceived" flaws and you'll realize you were the best parent because of your shortcomings, not in spite of them. Children who are raised by seemingly "perfect" parents end up with a lot of baggage because they never seem to measure up to their parents' "perfection." Parents who allow their children to really see them, warts and all, are giving them the true gift of honesty and teaching them the value of true compassion and acceptance of others and themselves with all their glorious flaws. You're in a rough patch, sweetheart. It will pass and you will have survived one more trial on this recovery road. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Thanks Pug. It's 3.30 am here. I get "neuro- emo " at this time with no sleep, but tonight is worse with the worry about my son. Thank you for your support. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm so sorry you have been worried about your son. It is difficult to live with this kind of stress when we are sick like this. I have had similar experiences during this process. I'm so so so sorry about your insomnia. It's truly awful. I still have trouble even typing the word because it almost triggers me. Insomnia has been one of my biggest challenges during all of this. I empathize so much with where you are with this. You can do this. You are strong. And, you are not alone. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Hang in there Ali. You can ride this wave out too. I agree with everything Pug said about parenting. See if you can recognize the guilt for what it is...and not something real. Loving your kids is enough..and nobody is perfect. Who you are is enough. You'll be able to talk with your son in a way that very few parents can. You've been there, lived through it, and understand. Most of us could only dream of having a parent like that. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted September 7, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 7, 2015 ALI , ALI , ARE YOU ALRIGHT???? I'm alright - are YOU ALRIGHT???? You made me LOL Edit : private joke 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
luv2knit Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Ali... I'm so sorry about the issues with your son. Praying you can get it all worked out, and will be able to get some relief from your own symptoms. XOXO Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (((Ali)) hope you and your son is alright xxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Prestorb Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Hi AliG, thank you so much for stopping by my thread, I answered some of your questions there. I am so glad to hear that you are starting to feel better too, that is awesome news!! I'm sorry to hear that your son is having some issues - parenting is not for the faint of heart is it? It is the toughest job on the planet! But we do the best we can, and then it's up to the little fire crackers to start figuring life out for themselves. Try not to beat yourself up with guilt, none of us are perfect parents. I hope you can get back to sleep and I hope I can too! ((((HUGS))))) 2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety: 2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression: 2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep: 1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness: 2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD: 2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING: 3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero): 4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!): 4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016) 5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16: 4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD): Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety 7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too! Link to comment
AliG Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thanks to all of you for your support & encouragement. Thank you Divalee, NMHeadmeds, DireStraits, PugK, Wildflower, FreeSpirit, Fresh, Luv2Knit , Love& Light , Chia , Tilly , Pug 2, & Prestorb. I'm still powering on regardless of what is going on around me. There is an eerie feeling of "the calm before the storm " in regards to my son . I have still not been able to contact him. He is not taking calls or texts. He has in effect cut himself off and I'm worried for his safety. He is usually level headed and I have to assume that he will get through whatever it is that is bothering him. I'm sorry that I've been highly emotional. I hope everyone can understand that this is not an easy time for me. I understand that we are all struggling but this is my story here so I hope you will bear with me. I know this is not technically withdrawal from drugs subject matter however it does apply somewhat in that here is another young person on the brink of possibly starting down the road of so - called chemically imbalanced depression . I know he is just going through life changes that are sad and challenging. He doesn't need drugs. However the indoctrination and brain washing that occurs through media , medical profession and big pharma ensures that family opinion is that he is clinically depressed. I'm currently arguing this point with my ex- husband who thinks that drugs are the answer. My own reserves of strength are depleted, and I can only hope that I can muster the extra fortitude needed to fight this battle of wills and turn this in a more positive direction. Unfortunately, I feel like a little salmon swimming upstream. LOL . Anyway I'll keep swimming in more ways than one. I'm already tired from my own struggle but I will try to keep fighting, not only for me but for my son as well . Love to all. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted September 8, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 8, 2015 hey ali,thanks for stopping by my thread and offering your kind words. i'm hanging in there and will continue to do so. some days are still kind of intense - especially when crises occur - but for the most part, i find that i am in a much better position to handle life now than i ever was.i hope everything works out ok for your son. it's my opinion that in the maturation process (and the years that follow), the most difficult challenge we have to face is simply the complete messiness of being human. being human is apparently not a clean or easy endeavor - i'm only now learning (sheesh)! media on all levels bolsters the idea that we should be carefree and blissfully happy and if we fall outside certain parameters of how this carefree happiness is defined, then there is something in us that needs fixing. the pharmaceutical industry and psychiatry turned this paradigm into a supply-and-demand opportunity. it's worthwhile to remind your son that psychiatric drugs cause chemical imbalances rather than remedy them. if science ever is able to prove that a chemical imbalance lies at the root of any of our issues, psychiatric drugs as they stand today will show the same utter inefficacy, and in fact detriment, that they have to date.i know your issue with your son is a dynamic issue - but it sounds like you are doing what you can. and ultimately at the end of the day, if you keep opening your heart even in the face of decisions that you may disagree with or know to be wrong, he will know he is loved. and there is a tremendous victory in that alone. loving those around us through even the darkest nights is a most valuable gift.hang in there and thank you again for checking in.dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
AliG Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thank you Dave.Your words are as always encouraging.You bring positivity. I hope you're doing well. I so appreciate you dropping by with your words of wisdom. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thank you for your support, I'm sorry that I'm not strong like you and are having a very hard time. But wanted to show my appreciation to you which I do appreciate your time, when I'm well enough and mentally capable I will pay it forward, I hope and pray that you don't have to endure years and years of suffering and don't lose everything that's important to you in life, that you continue to be blessed with a strong support system. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Skylar, thank you but I don't feel strong. I'm trying my best like we all are.I know you are suffering badly and I feel for you. It has taken all my strength to get this far. I struggle every day. I just keep trying to put "one foot in front of the other". I also try to keep breathing and think positively. My daughter and I were watching a movie one night - one where the mum dies. She leaned over and said - I don't want to live in a world without you Mum. I couldn't survive. You're my everything. After that "that option" was off the table. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted September 8, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 8, 2015 Love you Ali. And boy oh man........can I relate to some of your most recent stuff. And older stuff. Well, all of it. Our children. Please feel free to msg. me whenever. And thank you so much for being here. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Love back at you, MMT. I'm so glad that you can understand. Thank you for that offer ( Msg). I might take you up on that ! Thank you , for your support & understanding. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Ali, I don't think you need to apologize for being more emotional or for posting your concerns about your son...both are part and parcel of withdrawing from drugs and trying to find your way in your life. For the past several years, friends have been telling me how strong I am and point out certain things I fail to see for myself. I haven't in the least felt strong, through most of it. But maybe what builds within us is a different kind of strength..which is less a "power over" and more a "power to". And sometimes, that means the power to just feel how difficult it all is. Or the power to just keep swimming, even though it all feels upstream. I appreciate how much you are on other people's threads, cheering them on and offering words of wisdom. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted September 8, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 8, 2015 Ok guys , don't exclude us non-breeders (lol). My experiences may be different but it's been the same result. After I saw the effect of my dad's unexpected death in 2000 on my mum , suicide was not an option. Thankfully for me , that wasn't a symptom I battled , I just stuck it out. Over the years I've felt very hurt by lack of support from extended family , and couldn't in good conscience go to the twice yearly family celebrations , pretending like everything was hunky-dory. After having a huge crisis every time these events approached year after year , and I ended up not going , I joined the email chain that organized who brings what asking , in effect , "Who do I have to sleep with to get off this email chain?" Have to say , I find it funny thinking about it now. So we are all SSRI orphans in a sense. Maybe it's only when we lose everything , everyone around us , that we become available to tune in to what we need. Maybe I'm overly optimistic , I do like to think there's a bigger picture and a purpose to our suffering. You're doing great Ali . . . lovely to see. After each wave , a window opens. 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
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