☼ AliG: Surviving

[divalee]

AliG I have been reading a bit of your history -  you sure have come a long way and I just want to congratulate you - you have worked very hard -  At the same time I want to thank you for all the support you have given me.

 

Sometimes we forget that we are all in the same boat struggling and tend to think about myself -  I am sorry for that.

 

But am very happy with your progress - it is so lovely to hear.

 

Love

Lee

 

And you bet

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

So can.....you......and.....I  and everyone here...

 

xxxxx

[Bruin]

so thrilled to read your updates Ali........truly inspirational how you have approached the process and stuck to it with such dedication. 

Also the way you have written about it is wonderful and helped so many of us.

As someone who in his ignorance did the CT thing it is particularly heartening to read.

 

It does get better and we do recover.....the message is a strong one.

 

A big thank you and all warmest best wishes

 

Bruin

[manymoretodays]

Hey.....AliG - in da house,  now we can all sing........."Here Comes da Sun"  when we see your posts........Beatles tune I believe..........and it goes like this........"little darling..........it's been a long, long lonely winter............little darling,etc.............(and then the next part)..............Here comes da Sun do en do do, Here comes da Sun........It's alright.........." 

[AliG]

AliG i just read your update im smiling for you and selfishly a little for myself too because now i know the truth im well on my way and its a beautiful thing. Xxx

 

 Alua. I'm pleased that it helped . A positive mind set is half the battle. It sounds like you have that. It is beautiful and good to know you're on your way. I hope you have continued success.

[AliG]

 

I just want to add that this is not a linear process. It's three steps forward , two steps back. It takes time and patience .This is one of the hardest things ever. It's not an easy road.

I don't want anyone to think this has been in any way easy.

This has been one of the hardest lessons to learn - ever.

The " fallout " is unimaginable.

I have lost friends and family.  I will never be the same.

In a way it's starting over.

Maybe in a few months , I'll write about that .

Much love.

 

 

Ali, this "starting over" phase is what I call "the re-build" phase. And like you, the re-build is being done after earth-shattering losses. It's like walking away from a plane crash no one else ever really saw in the real world. The isolation of this experience, especially not being understand by anyone else or by doctors, doesn't compute with the level of personal and financial loss. 

 

No, we will never be the same. But you've handled all of these losses with such grace and such compassion, that who you are becoming is simply amazing. I don't think "not being the same" equates with being "less than" or "damaged", which is how I was looking at it much earlier in recovery. But now I'm seeing it differently, as I know how much strength and character this experience brings to those who refuse to be defined by it. 

 

I hope you do continue to write about it in the coming months because your writing is a gift to everyone here. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 Shep . You're right. Starting over is a " re- building " of life after loss to become not " less than " but strengthened by the process. You said it perfectly and I agree totally.

 

Even though I have lost some friends who didn't understand what I was going through, I have made many new ones including yourself and many others here who do " get it ". 

It has helped so much to have that support. I think it's vital to healing as well.

Thank you.

[AliG]

I've been seeing your posts more frequently lately and your commitment to getting nutrients from food is capital-A Admirable and capital-I Inspiring!

 

You made me think of a TED-X talk given by an American M.D. who has an amazing story about the power of vegetables.

 

 

In this incredible talk, Dr. Terry Wahls explains how she used her diet to cure herself of MS and leave her wheelchair behind. She wants everyone to eat nine cups of fruits and vegetables a day — including three cups of B vitamin-rich greens, three cups of sulphur-rich mushrooms and cabbages, as well as three cups of colorful, nutrient-rich veggies.  (Filmed at TEDxIowaCity.)

description from the TED Blog, blog.ted.com

 

Youtube video, 17 min 44 sec: Dr. Terry Wahls, Minding Your Mintochondria.

Scallywag. Thank you for the encouragement.

I did read Dr Terry Wahl's book - " The Wahl Protocol " . It is inspiring and helped shape my thoughts on this. If this diet could help her cure MS, it can only be helpful to us as well. 

[AliG]

Big Wahoo and congrats on your healing sun symbol now!!!!  Yay AliG!!!! 

Thank you , Manymoretodays.  I hope you are experiencing some healing yourself. 

Hugs.

[AliG]

Hi Lee.

 

AliG I have been reading a bit of your history -  you sure have come a long way and I just want to congratulate you - you have worked very hard -  At the same time I want to thank you for all the support you have given me.

 

Sometimes we forget that we are all in the same boat struggling and tend to think about myself -  I am sorry for that.

 

But am very happy with your progress - it is so lovely to hear.

 

Love

Lee

 

And you bet

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

So can.....you......and.....I  and everyone here...

 

xxxxx

 

I know you're finding it tough at the moment so supporting yourself is the top priority. Support for others can come later. I just hope my improvements give you hope and that you see it's possible and likely for you in the future.

Stay strong.

[AliG]

Hi Bruin. Thank you.

 

so thrilled to read your updates Ali........truly inspirational how you have approached the process and stuck to it with such dedication. 

Also the way you have written about it is wonderful and helped so many of us.

As someone who in his ignorance did the CT thing it is particularly heartening to read.

 

It does get better and we do recover.....the message is a strong one.

 

A big thank you and all warmest best wishes

 

Bruin

 

It sounds like you're experiencing some healing as well. I hope it continues exponentially ! I'm pleased if my experience has helped you just a little.Keep up the good work.   

[freespirit]

AliG, so happy to see your sun sign and read about your changes. You're a real inspiration to me and I'm certain to many more on here. I'm a couple of months behind you time-wise...hope you're blazing the trail for those of us behind you. 

[Hopefull]

Congratulations AliG and all the best to you. Best wishes, Hopefull.

[ten0275]

ali, hey.

thank you for writing, i appreciate hearing from you. i am doing all right, really. hanging in there as best as i can with the ups and downs as they rise and fall. it is a goal of mine to get back on the site with more regularity. it's one of the odd things about becoming more functional - life comes pouring back into your schedule whether you want it to or not. for example the more i accomplish at work, the more tasks get added. crazy cycle really. i am always open to questions for sure, but i will make it a point to try and be a bit more regular here in general.

i have great admiration for you, my friend. hang in there!

dave

[JanCarol]

So - here's a visual aid for all you fans of AliG.

 

What is the difference between a gym bunny, and a gym rat?

 

Gym bunny = AliG!

Gym rat = JanCarol!

 

Gym bunny probably has matching outfits and shoes that are less than a year old.  Gym bunny smiles and says hi to people and carries a big towel, because, after all, that's polite!  Gym bunny looks good doing the gym thing.

 

Gym rat looks like something the cat dragged in (usually clothes are clean and not tattered, but asking them to match is way too much effort).  Maybe the shoes aren't falling apart yet, so they'll do for now.  Gym rat smiles tentatively at others, and tries to engage, but they look at her shape and cannot believe they are sharing the same gym with this lump of flesh.  Gym rat has been known to play air guitar while doing leg extensions....

 

Hi Ali!  I'm so glad to see you are doing well!  Thanks for the inspiration to get me to the gym, I've found enough there that I think I will return and rejoin.  The eye candy alone - heck - this gym has some very fit gym rats (I've only seen a few gym bunnies, as this is like, a "community gym" not a "womyn's gym.")  The personal training women - OMG - so fit - but even though they look AWESOME, they are a bit beyond gym bunnies - more like gym cougars!  

[AliG]

Freespirit , Hopeful , Ten 0275 - Thank You so much .     I really appreciate your support. 

 

JanCarol . If I have been an inspiration to get you to the gym -  then great !  I have found it to be so important throughout this journey.  I feel that if I had not had this as a base , I would have had much slower healing.  I totally believe in the power of exercise and also diet.

 

Lifestyle is what will get us there. No pills, no drugs.

 

You have also been so very important to me as a friend . Thank You. 

[AliG]

I figured since someone has put me on the front page , ( Jan Carol)  LOL.    I may as well add a mini - update.   

 

Going so well. Ups and downs , but that's life . Family dramas etc, but handling it better.  Not so intense and all consuming.

 

Mood is great most of the time except when it's not , but that's ok because it's normal in my opinion. We have our ups and downs but we don't have to be medicated for it ( it's life) and once we experience the reverse it's ultimately preferable.

 

At least I know it's all me.

Finding my way, drug free and loving it !     

[Flowers]

You deserve the front page Ali!

 

I can identify with what you say about life's ups and downs. I think the old me is starting to emerge because I feel things in the way I used to, rather than being in a constant state of not caring less. I hope this continues as I taper.

 

Looking forward to your next update already!

[AliG]

Flowers.  Thank You.  You are a legend. I love hearing about your progress. You  are doing so well

Many hugs.

[Purplestars22]

Hey AliG, you are truly in inspiration on healing and emerging through this with learning healthy habits of exercise and diet. Since you are healing nicely you are able to tackle more. Warm wishes, ps22

[LexAnger]

Lots hugs AliG for the graet success.

This is so inspiring and I'm so very happy for you!

Enjoy the fullest life you ar so deserved!

[Shep]

 

Finding my way, drug free and loving it !     

 

 

Beautiful, Ali! 

 

We are learning so much from your example. I'm drinking at least one green smoothie a day now, slowly adding in more and more of the good stuff with this natural way of getting vitamins and minerals, and feeling less fatigue.

 

Thanks for sharing your journey with us. You are a great example to follow. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

[RachelSusan]

Hi AliG,

Thanks so much for your post on my thread. It really means a lot to me.  So glad we both are on the road to recovery. I will slow taper with a hold in between. Emphasis on SLOW.

Rachel

[AliG]

Thank you lovely people. PStar, LexAnger, Shep.

 

Rachel , thank you also. You sound great .  Yes, please go slow. You have to become a " slow turtle taperer " .

 

Since I'm here again I'll update.

 

2 yrs 5 months: off all psych drugs. ( Unfortunately cold turkey due to doctor's negligence and ..... etc )

 

It really does keep getting better at this point. I keep feeling like I will have to come back at some point and say " sorry " I was premature and that it will all " go south" , but it hasn't happened yet and I don't think it will ( although it's a fear )  Withdrawal symptom ?  LOL.

 

All good and feeling strong and resolute. I wish I could put into words how this has been for me and how to make it better for someone new to this. It ends up sounding trite when you say " it's just time", even though it is.

 

I understand the horror of not knowing if you will last another 24 hrs. I had the SI. It seems like another world now however it seemed very real at the time. It's just luck that I made it to the point of recognition of what was really going on.

 

Frighteningly real. That worries me for others. I've been there and know how hard it is to stay gripped in some sort of reality. Enough to just keep yourself alive. That is all it takes - just keep breathing and keep yourself alive to go on and recover from this . I read something that said " just keep breathing " and a lot of times that's all I did. 

 

It sounds melodramatic now but at the time it was important.

 

Suffice to say that this changes and gets so much better. The mind clears and some sort of happiness reappears . The good feelings start to come back and some days you wake up , look out the window  and say " it's a sunny day and it's great to be alive " .

 

It's not to say that we don't all have life challenges , but I look back on those dark days and it almost seems like another world and a lifetime away.

 

It's so lovely to sleep normally and wake up " not crying ". There were so many times where I woke up crying and not wanting to live another day.

I still have my " down " days but it's so different. It's so much lighter. I never realized that it was " chemical " before but as I look back over so many years I realize that I was in a " chemical soup " of ongoing drugs, both on and off .

 

I love the fact that I can say now - I'm on nothing. I don't trust doctors or the medical profession but I feel this experience has brought me to this place where if I had not had to research and investigate I would be so much worse off today and instead of getting my health back ( which I am ) I would be descending into the " medical mire " spiral of ill health and eventual death , which is what you are ultimately heading for if you follow the " normal " medical model.

 

I could keep going but I won't for now.

This site saved my life and that's why I'm passionate about it and Alto for starting it .

[LexAnger]

Wow, so beautifully written, with kind consideration and wise insights!

Love everything you told, dear Ali!

 

I'm so happy for you to get your full life back, and wish your life is filled with joy and happiness forever!

 

Thanks very much for sharing hope, aspiration and encouragement!

 

Lex

[AliG]

Lex . You are an inspiration yourself. You have fought this battle with grace and fortitude. I admire your courage. You are getting there .

Thank you as well .

[NaturalBorn]

have you ever been on antipsychotics? and what about cognitive symptoms? did they resolved? (if you ever had them)

thanks

[AliG]

NB.     No, I was only ever on antidepressants. I didn't have many cognitive symptoms. I had and still have ( at times) neuro - emotions but with time and training they're getting better.    I also had depression for so many years -  Iatrogenic  but it's gone for now. I thought it would be forever in the form of tardive dysphoria. Totally gone      I hope it stays away. I believe it will . 

[NaturalBorn]

NB.     No, I was only ever on antidepressants. I didn't have many cognitive symptoms. I had and still have ( at times) neuro - emotions but with time and training they're getting better.    I also had depression for so many years -  Iatrogenic  but it's gone for now. I thought it would be forever in the form of tardive dysphoria. Totally gone      I hope it stays away. I believe it will . 

thanks for awnsering

[gigi63]

AliG, thank you for this encouraging report. Ali, I am new to this site for six mos now. The past six mos have been difficult. Has felt like a lonesome walk so often but this site has been helpful. I am so encouraged to hear that the Neuro emotions get so much better. Ali, when feeling the fear and anxiety, it can seem like , wow, is this me??? Is this how I will always be? Then in a window, I can see that it is not me. I know this process and timing is different for everyone. every time I here of success like yours now, I am so encouraged. Very happy for you.

[brassmonkey]

I"m just sitting here with a big smile on my face trying not to cry.  I'm so happy for you.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

 

Tom

[Shep]

Suffice to say that this changes and gets so much better. The mind clears and some sort of happiness reappears . The good feelings start to come back and some days you wake up , look out the window  and say " it's a sunny day and it's great to be alive " .

 

It's not to say that we don't all have challenges , but I look back on those dark days and it almost seems like another world and a lifetime away.

 

 

This is my favorite part of your wonderful update, Ali. I'm so grateful to you for helping out on the forum and posting your journey which inspires us all. 

 

Wishing you the best. 

[gigi63]

Ali, I note something you said earlier, figuring out just who we are. This does change. I mean, we are who we are , I know who I was pre antidepressant. Yet, going through this does change us, and I find myself thinking as I am going through this and continue working through the process, things are not the same. Right now, it seems it would not be accurate to make a total evaluation on this because, in the midst of the difficult days, due to healing, it doesn't seem it would be accurate. I also like what Brassmonkey said, the self centered ness of withdrawal will change and the we- ness will be worked on and back, yet it is a reality that for a time, we just have to go through this and I am trying to just go with it. Very encouraged that in time, as healing continues, all of this will be clearer. Just so inspired by your progress that healing is coming as we move forward.

[Hibari]

It's so great to feel your happiness and healing through your post.   Even though tone is hard to read in posts and emails, I totally get yours!

 

Fantastic to hear that your mood and health have continued to be steady.

 

You are a beacon to me Ali!

[Hibari]

Me again Ali.   I think you posted one before but do you have a green smoothie recipe that you like?  If you do would you mind pasting it in my thread?   I did pull out my juicer but I am not sure what would be a good one to start with.  Or if you want to point me towards a source that you found, that would be great too! 

[JanCarol]

Oh Ali - there were so many Gym Bunnies on the beach!  I thought of you - they had matching accessories (hats, sunglasses & scarves!), and looked so stylish as they went for their power walks, or zoomed along on their hipster bicycles!

 

I would love to live by the beach, only because there are long, flat trails along the ocean all up and down the coast of Australia!  I would be more inclined to bicycle, skate, and walk, if I had access to those trails.  I don't like to bicycle at home because - well - it's all hills and cars and stuff - unless we throw the bikes in the van and drive to the nicer bike trails!  That kind of makes it a deal killer.  More so, now that it's hot.  It was lovely and breezy at the beach!

 

I hope you're doing well, thinking of you!

[AmyK]

Ali, such a beautiful post. I am so happy for you.

Love, Amy

[Junglechicken]

Ali - you are a star ...... thank you for showing us the way through the darkest of times.

 

There are days I want to stop putting one foot in front of the other, but your encouraging messages keep me moving forward day after day.

 

Love, JC x