Faithbarelysurviving: Too damaged?

October 20, 2015

Thank you again for your care Altostrata

October 20, 2015

I was trying neurofeedback when I first started tapering Buspar, but as I got to lower the dosage (surely to fast and then got it up again) started to get much worse and had to stop going. The dr. told me my beta waves were at fault, ..that would mean high anxiety....but it is much more complicated than that....

October 20, 2015

Faith, you have to stop blindly believe the doctors, you have to make an opinion of your own.

October 20, 2015

I do not believe in them Martina, not a thing.

My opinion is that i Have been damaged gravely last hosp stay on top of the huge damage I had from before and just cover up some of the symptoms they gave all the meds i am on now, I have never been on more than one or two meds and every time I was trying to withdraw with worse and worse symptoms. Now I am stuck like this, any move I make it gets worse....I pray I will "stabilize" a bit so that I can taper off again....

Faith

October 20, 2015

Now I am stuck like this, any move I make it gets worse....I pray I will "stabilize" a bit so that I can taper off again....

Faith, I don't think you are 'hearing' what Alto is trying to explain. Its the drugs which are causing your symptoms, its unlikely you are going to stabilize and feel better while taking so many drugs which are causing harmful effects in your body through the sheer number you are taking and some of the interactions between them.

No matter what your diagnosis, you are taking a ridiculous number of drugs in an absurd combination. Anyone can see that.

You need to tell the doctors you want to take the minimal amount of drugs, they're making you sick.

If you are feeling unwell, you are still in the same position: Either you need to reduce the drugs yourself, or you need to find professional help doing so.

We can't do much for you here if you're suffering adverse effects from drugs but not taking steps to reduce them.

October 21, 2015

Hi Faith,

Could you put all of your meds together (round up all the bottles) put it on a table and take a picture of it using your phone?

Then maybe show it to someone you trust. I know it might sound strange, but maybe if you or someone else see's all the drugs you are taking in a picture then you'll realize the significant amount of drugs you are putting into your body everyday. And like you have been told here already, it's causing you major problems.

October 21, 2015

Faith, when you were in the hospital, did they give you these drugs every day, according to your schedule?

Hello Altostrata,
Bupropion 150mg
Escitalopram 15mg
Clonazepam 1 mg x 3 times daily
Buspar 5mg (that equals half of full 10mg tablet) plus 1/4of a full 10 mg tablet --in the morning
Buspar 5mg plus 1/8th of a 10 mg tablet
Trazadone 50 mg
Gabapentin 300mg
Baclofen 30 mg
Carbamazepine 200 mg
Propranolol 40 mg

Or, from your signature:

Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb.

When you were in the hospital, did they say they were going to stop some of the drugs but you refused?

It occurred to me that perhaps you do not believe you're feeling adverse effects from these drugs, you feel the drugs offer you a safety net; you do not want to go off them.

Since you arrived here in May, you've made barely any progress in reducing the drugs.

Did one doctor prescribe all these drugs or did several doctors prescribe them? Why was each drug prescribed?

October 21, 2015

Altostrata, two drs. prescribed them in the same hospitalization. No, nobody said in the hosp to stop any of the drugs, I begged my dr to take me off some because I was getting worse and worse and it was also severe severe withdr from 20 mg of valium which I think I still have (nerve damage, horrible migraines, neck like cement etc etc) . Plus in the hosp they tried me on Abilify, and other antipsychotics, I was screaming in pain and skina and bones burning after valium Almost CT withdrawal, they gave me risperdal too, refused to take out from the meds, I was barely alive....like a ghost, totally out and delirious I think. I was Constantantly asking to take me off some of the drugs because I was more and more suicidal ( was on a suicide watch many times and laughed at.......) I was telling them I might hurt somebody.... Was affraid I may hurt my children if they let me go home and soooo paranoid delusional......

I asked the dr to decrease Gabapentin as I had read it may cause aggressiveness....he got so mad because of my insisting he dropped me from 600mg to 300mg ...I was in severe akathisia, severely suicidal, crying non stop, could not breathe pacing on the hallway I was nuts...my head face neck jaws twiched squished clenched the nurses were unable to do anything, would not eat for days because i couldn t sit still and I was nuts they forced me to eat.... Dropped 40 pounds in a couple of weeks .

I also asking my doc to take me off Bupropion, begging him to do it, I couldn t because I was irrational plus they forced me to take them....Then put me on Seroquel and forced me to take it I think for "sleep" I started being psychotic on top of how I was.....because I was reacting to everything they were giving me and I was affraid of taking anything they would add....... I used to know the reasons for the meds I am on.... I lll try to somehow remember..... I Do want to get off, but I am so affraid as i am so sick to act or think.

October 21, 2015

Faith, when you were in the hospital, did they give you these drugs every day, according to your schedule?

Hello Altostrata,

Bupropion 150mg

Escitalopram 15mg

Clonazepam 1 mg x 3 times daily

Buspar 5mg (that equals half of full 10mg tablet) plus 1/4of a full 10 mg tablet --in the morning

Buspar 5mg plus 1/8th of a 10 mg tablet

Trazadone 50 mg

Gabapentin 300mgf

Baclofen 30 mg

Carbamazepine 200 mg

Propranolol 40 mg

Or, from your signature:

Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb.

When you were in the hospital, did they say they were going to stop some of the drugs but you refused?

It occurred to me that perhaps you do not believe you're feeling adverse effects from these drugs, you feel the drugs offer you a safety net; you do not want to go off them.

Since you arrived here in May, you've made barely any progress in reducing the drugs.

Did one doctor prescribe all these drugs or did several doctors prescribe them? Why was each drug prescribed?

And yes, the schedule was given by the dr.

October 21, 2015

Hi Faith,

Could you put all of your meds together (round up all the bottles) put it on a table and take a picture of it using your phone?

Then maybe show it to someone you trust. I know it might sound strange, but maybe if you or someone else see's all the drugs you are taking in a picture then you'll realize the significant amount of drugs you are putting into your body everyday. And like you have been told here already, it's causing you major problems.

I guess you are right Jhonson, but I am so impaired I cannot do what you are suggesting.

October 21, 2015

Hi Faith, it was a bit hard to understand, is this your current medication list?

Bupropion 150mg
Escitalopram 15mg
Clonazepam 1 mg x 3 times daily
Buspar 5mg (that equals half of full 10mg tablet) plus 1/4of a full 10 mg tablet --in the morning
Buspar 5mg plus 1/8th of a 10 mg tablet
Trazadone 50 mg
Gabapentin 300mgf
Baclofen 30 mg
Carbamazepine 200 mg
Propranolol 40 mg

Or the one in your signature here? Current meds:Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb.

October 21, 2015

Faith, Altostrata means it well with you, I know it is hard to go off the drugs, but it is really that simple, either you find a possibility to refuce you drugs of at least half of them, or will feel only worse. Sure there is some discomfort in going off the drugs, but there is no other way to get better. You have to find this strenght in you to fight for your life that you get better. The life is not only about being kind, there are also other virtues such as perseverance, reason, ability to make uncomfortable decisions and take responsibility of own's life and life of others.

October 21, 2015

I meant reduce, not refuce (I dont have spell check on my mobile phone)

October 21, 2015

Faith, I find it incredible that the hospital would add Abilify when you are already taking 9 psychiatric drugs 4 times a day.

From what you've posted, it seems your doctors have tried to reduce the drugs but your reaction was so extreme, they gave up on it.

This is what you've done here, too. You backed off from reducing Buspar because of vague reactions. As you are taking 9 psychiatric drugs 4 times a day, I hardly think Buspar is the linchpin of your nervous system stability.

If you want to stay on the drugs, you can do that. No one here is going to force you to go off the drugs. That is your choice.

If you stay on the drugs, you will have to cope with whatever symptoms you're getting from the drugs.

Your situation will not change unless YOU take action to change it. It looks like you will not do that. This site is not the place for perpetual complaining about your existential situation, your drug cocktail, or the way you've been treated by doctors. This is a site for people who are taking responsibility for their lives and going off drugs themselves.

It seems to me that this purpose of this site and your goals are not compatible. I wish you well.

October 21, 2015

Altostrata, they did not try to reduce my meds. I was the one insisting on that and telling them over and over to do it. I am sorry I wrote about what happened in ghe hosp, . The withdrawal I had from tapering buspar was not vague at all and I hope you believe me. I think I am one of the cases in which so many meds were changed on me during the past 10 yrs, and I am one of the very sensitive people to these poisons, that my system is left very very damaged,. I was actually accused by the drs that I always try to get off meds and not being complaint. And the fact I talk about all these things constantly shows how sick i am, i know I missunderstand alot and my that is why I feel very damaged. I know that there is severe misfiring in my brain, I am not able to think rational

Thank you for wishing me well, God help us all! I think it is very hard for anybody to understand including myself how serious this is.

Would you like me not to enter this site? I can barely do it if I can.... But whatever is best for the people hereand for you Altostrata. Most of the times I think I am very irrational in my thinking, however I found support in here at your expense.

I am sorry

Faith

October 21, 2015

The purpose of this site is for people to take responsibility for their lives and come off their medications.

This exact thing I have tried to do for the past 10 yrs including my last hosp., but always ending back in the hosp to be put on different other poisons. It is too late for me, my symptoms are too many and too extreme and I am sure I am in protracted withdrawals plus the meds I am on now to Help with these protracted withdrawals....When I got in the hosp last time I was on two meds, Zoloft and vvalium, wxtremely sick, now I am on these ones.

And it is not fair to assume that drs gave up on me because of me....it was because of the fast withdrawals they did and all the other meds they have given me...despite all of it I am still alive, they almost killed me many times I think..

Faith

October 21, 2015

Faith, from what I've seen, you are highly resistant to reducing your drugs, either by yourself or by your doctors.

It doesn't matter what your history is and who did what to whom. If you want to reduce your drugs, YOU will have to take action to do this and YOU will have to take responsibility for whatever upset the reduction causes. You will not be able to go off a 9-drug cocktail without some upset.

So far, you have not taken responsibility for this.

As we have discussed tapering at great length and, from my point of view, gotten nowhere, I and the staff will not counsel you further on tapering. I think you understand the general principle. It's up to you. You can do it yourself. You don't need us.

If you prefer to stay on the drugs, that's fine, that's your decision. There are millions of people who believe they need their drug cocktails. You might join PatientsLikeMe.com or depressionforum.org for peer support.

October 21, 2015

i am sorry I cannot think clearly... So would you like me not to log on the site?

October 21, 2015

We cannot provide you the kind of attention you require.

October 22, 2015

Faith, I'm happy to know you are still hanging in there and trying. You are in a very difficult situation with all the drugs you're on but it's clear you are trying. Please be strong and hang on.

There's a Facebook SA group where you might find some comfort. Not a lot about tapering but some moral support to help you hold on.

Hang on Faith. I'm pulling for you. Sending you vibes of strength and perseverance. I hope the link below works. If not let me know and I will try to get you the proper link.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1644493302486833/

October 22, 2015

I don't think the link works but it's called SA Members Only. You can do a search for it on Facebook. Stay strong Faith. xoxo

October 23, 2015

Hi Faithbarely surviving,

I no expert on drugs, but follow Altostrata's advice.

Start tappering slowly.

Ask Altostrata, what drug to tapper first.

I can help you to devise a chart, and each time you make a drop, note it down.

You will recover. Don't loose hope.

It is not your fault that this happened to you.

Stay strong, use this website to help you tapper off the cocktail of drugs you are on. Take care, Hopefull.

October 23, 2015

Hello Faith, are you decreasing the drugs yet? We all support you, but YOU have to take the first step................ you are on so many medications, yes for your life, you need to taper the first one, real quick.

Wish you well........................ focus,. what are you taking, keep a record, and decrease, as per Altos suggestions................

or like she said, if you cant do it, go hospital................. for yourself, look after yourself..................THE FIRST STEP IS THE HARDEST.

November 1, 2015

Hello

November 1, 2015

I don't know if it is a good thing but I am reducing Trazadone...I cut my 50mg pill in 4 quarters and dropped 1/4 on Oct 27th.

November 1, 2015

Faith, that is great! I hope that Altostrata will give you her opinion about it.

November 1, 2015

Faith, I have one idea. Because I think if you go down only with one medicament, it does not really help. What if you reduce all your medicaments of 1/8 and then keep 2 months, again reduce 1/8 and waiting 2 months. In 16 months you are then totally off your medicaments. It is only my opinion, if someone thinks it is not ok, please feel free to tell your opinion.

November 1, 2015

Martina,

That is probably the worst advice I have seen anyone give on this site. The goal of tapering is to come off well and functioning, not within a specific timeframe. Tapering all those drugs at once places a massive burden on the nervous system and you would have no idea what reductions are causing what reactions. In other words you are making massive changes and disabling your capacity to listen to your body.

Please do not encourage people to take actions that are contrary to everything espoused on this site - it's dangerous for the member and sets a bad example for the community in terms of thinking well about tapering and withdrawal.

Dalsaan

November 1, 2015

Dalsaan, I wanted only to help her. That is my opinion. The woman takes maybe 7-9 meds and can hardly take her head off the pillow. In principle, all these medicaments have side effects and by such an amount of drug to look for which drug causes what effect is for me not really decissive. But I will not anymore step here into discussion. I thought that everyone can tell here his opinion.

November 1, 2015

Martina,

That is probably the worst advice I have seen anyone give on this site. The goal of tapering is to come off well and functioning, not within a specific timeframe. Tapering all those drugs at once places a massive burden on the nervous system and you would have no idea what reductions are causing what reactions. In other words you are making massive changes and disabling your capacity to listen to your body.

Please do not encourage people to take actions that are contrary to everything espoused on this site - it's dangerous for the member and sets a bad example for the community in terms of thinking well about tapering and withdrawal.

Dalsaan

Faith is in a complicated situation, to say the least.

What course of action would you recommend for Faith?

November 1, 2015

Folks, please be very careful about advising Faith on tapering anything.

She is in such a state that only she or a doctor can take responsibility for what happens.

November 1, 2015

I think that to the extent a plan for Faith can be proposed, Alto has already indicated that she begin by tapering one of the meds. It would seem that Trazadone would be a decent choice from the list. The fact that Faith has taken that step seems to be an indication that she is looking to start the process and we should be supportive of that. Martina, while there are examples of people doing simultaneous tapers off several meds (Rhi comes to mind), it is very difficult and 9 meds is an awful lot to address at once. Having said that, I understand you were simply trying to help and you phrased it to "ask the question" and seek a response which Dalsaan supplied. From a tapering standpoint, Dalsaan is absolutely correct, although it might have been said somewhat differently. I can tell that it was something that hit a nerve and caused her to respond in that manner.

I think we should all support Faith in her efforts to deal with coming off the Trazadone as a first step and help her get through the symptoms that might well arise.

In other words, everyone has the same goal here -- Faith's best interests and well being. Let's put our energy in that direction.

Best to all,

Andy

November 1, 2015

Faith are you feeling any different after the Trazodone reduction? Keep a journal of your symptoms and report here so we know what's going on.

November 2, 2015

I think that to the extent a plan for Faith can be proposed, Alto has already indicated that she begin by tapering one of the meds. It would seem that

Trazadone would be a decent choice from the list. The fact that Faith has taken that step seems to be an indication that she is looking to start the process and we should be supportive of that. Martina, while there are examples of people doing simultaneous tapers off several meds (Rhi comes to mind), it is very difficult and 9 meds is an awful lot to address at once. Having said that, I understand you were simply trying to help and you phrased it to "ask the question" and seek a response which Dalsaan supplied. From a tapering standpoint, Dalsaan is absolutely correct, although it might have been said somewhat differently. I can tell that it was something that hit a nerve and caused her to respond in that manner.

I think we should all support Faith in her efforts to deal with coming off the Trazadone as a first step and help her get through the symptoms that might well arise.

In other words, everyone has the same goal here -- Faith's best interests and well being. Let's put our energy in that direction.

Best to all,

Andy

I am very glad that you wrote that Andy. I was also thinking of Rhi when Blue suggested tapering from all the meds at a small dose. Sometimes I am too afraid to comment at all on anyone's post for fear of saying the wrong thing and making it worse. Faith's case is a very difficult one and I am at a loss as to what to say.

November 2, 2015

I didn't suggest that starburst.

November 2, 2015

It was actually Martina but that's not the point. The point is let's all move forward and channel our feeling toward helping Faith and each other.

Hope all are doing better than the minute before.

Andy

Faithbarelysurviving: Too damaged?

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